All language subtitles for The Looney Tunes Show s02e21 Year of the Duck

- How about chinese
for lunch?

- I had chinese
for breakfast. Sunset room?

- Well, how about
the pizzarriba?

- We always go
to pizzarriba.

- I like pizzarriba.

- Just tell me
where I'm going.

- Rock, paper, scissors.

- I win.
- What are you talking about?

You have a rock.
I have scissors.

Scissors cut rock.

- Scissors don't cut rock.

- Where do you think
pebbles come from, hmm?

Fine. Let's do it again.

I win.

- What?! Scissors cut paper.

- This isn't paper.
- What is it?

- It's a karate chop
to your face. Hyah!

Ohh! Hyah!

[smacking and grumbling]

[bell jingling]

- Oh, I love chinese.
I haven't had it since breakfast.

Captioning made possible by
warner bros. Animation

- Ugh. Too much
orange chicken.

Have you ever met
an orange chicken?

- Ooh!
- What?

- It's the year of the pig.

Wow. This is my year.

- What are you
talking about?

- The chinese
astrological calendar.

Every year is represented
by a different animal,

And this year? It's me.

It's the year of the pig.

- Oh, porky. A year
of good fortune.

- When's the year
of the duck?

- Uh, I don't see
a year of the duck.

- Give me that.

There's a year of the pig,

There's a year
of the rabbit,

And no year of the duck?

How is this possible?

They've got a year
of the monkey,

A year of the rooster.

A rat? There's
a year of the rat?

Why not ducks?

Does everybody hate ducks?

- Nobody hates ducks.

- That's easy
for you to say.

You're beloved.

- Oh, I wouldn't say
beloved.

- Oh, really? Ever
hear of the expression, "pigs in a blanket?"

- That's not an expression.
It's a food.

- Yeah, a delicious food

That you would pig out on,

Another popular expression,
by the way.

- Daffy, you're
overreacting.

- Oh, really, mr.
"lucky rabbit's foot?"

Star of the popular fable,
"the tortoise and the hare?"

Ducks have nothing.

- Uh, what about
"duck, duck, goose?"

That's a popular kids' game.

- Oh, you mean the one
that's super boring

Until you say
the word "goose?"

- Isn't there
a children's book about a duck?

- Oh, you mean
"the ugly duckling?"

Thanks a lot, bugs.

- Well, there's got
to be something.

- Yeah, "sitting duck."

Waiting around
to get killed

So that you can become
a "dead duck,"

Which is probably
an improvement,

Considering, up till now,

You've spent
your entire life

As a "lame duck."

[footsteps approaching]

- Ooh, fortune cookies.

"happiness and prosperity
are just around the corner."

That sounds good.

"you are charming
and well liked."

Well, not really a fortune,

More like an observation.

- Ecch! Ecch! Ecch!

Did your guys' cookies
taste like paper?

This is the reason
I've never succeeded at anything,

Because people
don't like ducks.

- I think it's because
people don't like you.

- No way.

If it's between me
and the other guy

To become partner
at the law firm,

They're gonna pick
the other guy

Solely because I'm a duck.

- And also, you're
not a lawyer.

- And why do you think
that is?

- Because you're lazy?

- Because I am a duck,

And people
don't like ducks.

- Hey, guys.
I brought in your mail.

- It looks like
you opened it, too.

- Well, I got bored
between the mailbox and the front door.

It's mostly bills,
but I think you're gonna like this one.

They want you to host
this year's

Royal oaks, glen oaks,
oakwood oaks beauty pageant.

- Why me?

- Well, it says here
"because you are charming and well licked."

- That's "liked."

- Ok, well, you
don't have to brag.

- I don't want to host
a beauty pageant.

- Bugs, it's a lot more
than just a beauty pageant.

It's a competition
that awards scholarships to young women.

Come on. All you have to do

Is show up and say,
"and the winner is."

It's the easiest job
in the world.

- Eh, ok.

How do you know
about all this anyway?

- I was a contestant
2 years ago,

But then I was disqualified
because of my talent.

- What was your talent?

- Lion taming.
-You know how to tame lions?

- Not very well.

I'd say I'm probably
just below average.

- Unbelievable!

I've read
the entire internet,

And there's not
one positive thing about ducks anywhere.

Lola, what do you
think about ducks?

- I don't know. Why?

- Because I'm a duck.

- What? I always thought you
were a crow. Are you sure?

Aren't ducks the ones

With those big beaver teeth
and that big beaver tail?

- Those are beavers.

- So, you're a beaver?

[daffy sighs]

- Forget it.

[door opens and slams]

[lola whistles]

- Yo, that is
one touchy beaver.

- Why, I remember--

I say, I remember when it
was the year of the rooster.

Why, that was the year

That everything changed
for me.

Before that, I was just
a cock-a-doodle-do-nothing on a farm,

And look at me now.

[chuckling]

- What does that have
to do with ducks?

- Oh, right. Ducks.

[intercom beeps]
carol, bring me the latest animal popularity index.

- What's the animal
popularity index?

- It's a list--I say,
a list of every animal

Ranked in order
of popularity.

Hmm.

I say, hmm.

- Ducks are ranked 64th?

- I'm afraid--I say,
I'm afraid ducks have an image problem, son.

What you need is
some good pr.

- Ooh, that sounds good.

I haven't had
a peanut butter and ranch sandwich in forever.

Would you mind, hon?

I don't need a beverage.

- No, pr. Public relations.

Influence public opinion.

And based on that,
we're gonna have to do a lot of influencing.

What to do.

I say, what to do.

[music playing]

[gasps]
that's it!

We're gonna get you
on "tit for tat."

Carol, get in here.

- What's "tit for tat?"

- It's the most-watched news
program in the country.

You'll make
the case for ducks

To all of america.

- Hmm. Daffy duck
as the lead spokesperson

For an entire species.

I like it.

- Carol, get the producers
of "tit for tat"

On the line.

- Yes, sir.

[daffy eating noisily]

- Eww. Too much "r."

- Hey, bun-bun.
How's it coming?

- How's what coming?

- Your opening monologue
for the pageant?

- Monologue? I thought
all I had to do

Was show up and say,
"and the winner is."

- Right. After
the monologue.

And the big musical number,

With all that complicated
choreography.

Oh, and then,
there's the duet

Which also has a lot of
complicated choreography.

Oh, you gotta be ready
to vamp

In case the wardrobe
changes go long?

And they always go long.

Oh, then, of course,
there's the big finale,

Which has
the most complicated choreography of all

And sometimes a stunt.

Last year's host
got shot out of a cannon.

- He got shot
out of a cannon?

- Well, not successfully.

That's why they needed
a new host.

It's a thankless job, bugs.

I don't know why
you agreed to do it.

[door opens]

[bell rings]

[band playing]

- Pinky, congratulations.

You are my
1 millionth customer.

You win a year's supply
of free pizza

And half of the dessert.

- Wow! I guess it really is
the year of the pig.

- Porky's a pig?

I always thought
he was a seal.

- Are you sure--I say,
are you sure you're ready?

Well, this old boy
ain't afraid to ask the tough questions.

- I have all the answers
I need right here.

- Ok, uh, exactly--I say,
exactly what contribution

Have ducks made to society?

- That's a good
question, elmo.

- I believe
his name is elmer.

- Elmer? Hmm. I'd
better write that down.

Uh, carol, do you have
my pre-show pr sandwich?

Don't ever let her go.

[munching]
mmm.

Now she put too much "p."

You gotta get rid of her.

- We're on in 5.

[daffy slurping]

- Good luck.

- I don't need luck.
I've got these.

[both gasp]

- And action.
- Ohh!

- Good evening.
I'm elmer fudd.

Welcome to another edition
of "tit for tat."

Tonight's topic: Ducks.

Here to tell us
why we should care

Daffy duck.

Daffy, welcome
to the program.

- Thanks
for having me, elvis.

- Let's get started.

Exactly what contribution
have ducks made to society?

- Uh, um, uh.

Pass.
- What?

- Give me another question.

- Ok, uh.

- Bring the car
around front, carol.

- You believe that ducks
are viewed unfavorably.

Do you have
any proof of this?

- I'd like
to phone a friend.

- What?
- I'd like to buy a vowel.

- What are you
talking about?

- I'm gonna go ahead
and spin again, pat.

- Desperate times call
for desperate measures.

Argh!

[both screaming]

- Ugh.

Why didn't you open
the sunroof, carol?

- You really gotta
get rid of her. Ugh.

- Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,

And welcome
to the royal oaks,

Glen oaks, oakwood oaks
beauty pageant.

Ahem. I don't know
about our contestants,

But I slept like a log
last night.

Literally.

I woke up in the fireplace.

[shuffles cards]

Ahem.

Uh, good-looking audience
we've got here tonight.

I look forward
to seeing you all

During the swimsuit portion
of the competition.

[shuffles cards]

Because there's
a swimsuit portion.

The audience doesn't
actually put on swimsuits?

- Yeah. No, we get it.

- Ohh! What about
the joke where--

- Porky, please.

I know you think
this is your "year," but let me--

- No, I want to hear it.

- Ahem.

I flew all the way in
from new york to be here.

And boy, are my arms tired.

- Ha ha ha!

[lola continues laughing]

Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my goodness!

I can't breathe.
Oh, his arms are tired.

Like he didn't fly
on a plane.

He flew himself
with his arms

Like they're wings!

He doesn't even have wings.

He's not a bird.
He's a seal.

Seals can't fly.

Ha ha! Oh, it's so funny
for so many reasons.

Oh, porky. Oh, porky.

Ohh! Ohh.

Yours is funny, too.

Just not as funny
as porky's!

[cackling]

Oh, porky!

- Argh!

[both screaming]

This is a pr nightmare.

[daffy sighs]
- tell me about it.

I mean, we're talking
about 2 ingredients here.

Peanut butter and ranch.

How does she
keep messing this up?

- Enough with
the sandwich, boy.

Look at this. Now ducks
are even less popular--

I say, less popular
than they were before.

- We're below
great white sharks?

They eat people.

- Oh, it's time.

- What?

- The 63rd annual
royal oaks, glen oaks, oakwood oaks beauty pageant.

There are many beautiful
women in the world,

But only one can be
miss r.O.G.O.O.O.

- That's it.

We need a duck to win
that beauty pageant.

- I've always dreamed
of being miss r.O.G.O.O.O.

- Not you. We need
a female duck.

- Ohh. Right.

- No way.

- Please?

- I'm not
the beauty pageant type.

- Oh, of course you are.

You're constantly
at the salon,

You spend hours
in front of the mirror,

And you're always prancing
around the house in a tiara.

- That's you.

- Well, I'd enter it
if I could,

But that big, fat
rooster says I can't.

So, you gotta do it.

We're in 73rd place.

- Daffy, I don't care
what some poll says.

And you shouldn't either.

- That's easy
for you to say.

People like you.

- Then be more likeable.

- No. That's crazy.

The only thing
that makes sense

Is you winning
a beauty pageant,

Which will skyrocket
ducks up the animal popularity index,

Thus allowing me to enjoy
respect and admiration

Without having
to earn it myself.

It's a slam duck.

- You mean a slam dunk.

- What? My whole life, I
thought it was "slam duck."

Ugh. Forget it.

I guess I'll just have
to get used to the idea

That every time
I walk into a room,

Everyone will wish
a great white shark had walked in instead.

Well, guess what, people?

Great white sharks
can't walk.

So, I guess
you're stuck with me.

[sobbing]

- Fine, I'll do it.

- Thank you.

I can't tell you
how much this means to me.

I just know
you're going to win.

And then, we'll both
have a tiara.

- Just remember.

When you're inside,
you gotta stay curled up tight.

The tighter you are,
the further you'll fly.

You want to take
a practice flight?

- No, I think I'm good.

Porky, what are you
doing here?

- I have a big favor
to ask you.

What do you think
of letting me host the pageant?

- What?

- Ever since I found out
it was the year of the pig,

I've just been feeling
so good.

Everything seems to be
going my way.

I mean, you get
opportunities like this all the time.

But this, this is my year.

This is my one shot.

[stammering]
what do you say?

- Thanks for doing
my makeup, lola.

I'm not very good
at this stuff.

- Are you kidding? You're
gonna look beautiful.

I'm keeping it real fresh
and light and natural,

Just like you wanted.

You'll barely be able
to tell you're wearing anything at all.

There.

- Wow.

Yeah, that's...

Uh, is there any way
you could remove a few layers?

- Oh. Yeah.
I can do that.

Guess someone
doesn't want to win.

- When is this show
going to start?

What is that?

- It's a constantly updating
animal popularity index.

This way, we can see
those duck rankings rise in real time.

- Wow. Impressive.

Oh, this is taking forever.

I mean, if you say
you're going to start at 7:00 p.M.,

You start at 7:00 p.M.

[yelling]
come on!

Start the show!

- I don't think that's
helping the cause, boy.

- Uh, maybe this wasn't
such a good idea.

- Porky, they're
going to love you.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Welcome to the 64th annual

Royal oaks, glen oaks,
oakwood oaks beauty pageant.

And now, your host
porky pig.

- You're gonna be great.

It's the year of the pig.

- Oh, it's not
the year of the pig.

- What?

The year of the pig
was 4 years ago.

It's the year of the rabbit.

- Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,

And welcome
to the royal oaks,

Glen oaks, oakwood oaks
beauty pageant.

- Are you sure?

- I'm positive.

- Oh! That nitwit
must have read it wrong.

- If anyone should be
out there hosting, it's you.

- He'll be fine.

All that astrology stuff
is silly.

- You know, I flew
all the way in

From new york
to be here,

And boy, are my arms tired.

Ha ha ha.

[man coughing]

[man clearing throat]

[taps]

[feedback]
- or maybe not so silly.

- Uh, ha ha.

A good-looking audience
we've got here tonight.

I look forward
to seeing you all

During the swimsuit portion
of the competition.

[beeping]
- ooh.

Pigs are falling fast.

They're below--I say,
they're below ducks.

- Boo! Get this guy
off the stage!

- Hmm. Not anymore.

- Uh, why don't we meet
our contestants?

[upbeat music playing]

[applause]

- They hate me.

I thought this was
the year of the pig.

How is this happening?

- Porky, there's
something I need to tell you.

- You're doing great.

- What? But no one's
laughing.

- No, no, no.
They're laughing.

You just can't hear them
from the stage.

It's--it's the acoustics.

- Are you sure?
I feel like they're all scowling at me.

- No, that's
the stage lights.

The shadows make smiles,
you know, look like frowns.

They're smiling
and they're laughing

Because you're doing great.

It's the year of the pig.

[drum roll]

That's your cue.

- Thanks, bugs.

[music starts]

[applause]

[roaring]

[whip cracking]

[applause]

- Yeah! Whoo! Ow!

- Ohh!

- Eww!
- Oh, eww!

- Ohh!
- Aww!

[applause]

- And now, the winner
of the miss royal oaks,

Glen oaks, oakwood oaks
beauty pageant is...

Michelle chen.

Congratulations, michelle.

[audience cheering]

- Ohh! Ahh.

[person whistling]

[applause]

- Congratulations.
You did it.

- What are you
talking about?

I didn't win.

- Yeah, but you were
so beautiful and poised

And charming
and elegant.

You moved ducks up
33 places.

- Well, there you go.

- Unfortunately,
I brought us down 41 places.

So, overall, ducks
are slightly worse off

Than they were
before we started.

- So, I guess
you're not going to get

That respect
and admiration you wanted.

- What are you
talking about?

I'll get it
by hanging out with you.

Here.

- You're giving me
your tiara?

- Loaning you my tiara.

Looks better on me.

- Mwah.

[explosion]

[applause]

[porky groaning]

- Thanks for
the chinese food, guys.

- How you feeling?

- Pretty good.

The doctors were amazed
at how fast I'm recovering.

[laughing]
but I'm not surprised.

After all, it is
the year of the pig.

- I thought you told me
it was the year of the--ow!

Why are you kicking me?

- Did you, by any chance,
get any duck sauce?

- There's a sauce
named after us?

Ohh! A sweet,
delicious sauce.

Why didn't anyone tell me?

- I'm sorry,
but visiting hours are over.

- How about a little
respect and admiration?

Ever heard of duck sauce?

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Get a load of this.

We cracked the top 10.

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