Original subtitles

[BEEPS] - HELLO, THIS IS HELMUT JORGENSEN

FROM THE NOBEL PRIZE FOUNDATION.

I'M CALLING TO INFORM MR. BUGS BUNNY

THAT HE HAS BEEN AWARDED THE NOBEL PRI--

[BEEPS] - MESSAGE DELETED.

- DAFFY, TINA. JUST REMINDING YOU, TOMORROW'S DATE NIGHT.

DON'T FORGET TO MAKE RE-- [BEEPS]

- HEY, GUYS. IT'S PORKY. I'M IN KIND OF AN EMERGENCY,

AND I-- [BEEPS]

- MESSAGE DELETED. END OF MESSAGES.

- ANYTHING IMPORTANT? - NOPE.

- [GRUNTING]

I CAN'T HOLD ON MUCH LONGER!

[GRUNTS AND SCREAMS]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION

- WOW. I'M GLAD YOU'RE OK, PORKY,

BUT YOU KNOW, NEXT TIME THAT HAPPENS,

YOU REALLY SHOULD CALL SOMEONE.

[DOORBELL RINGS] OH, GOT TO GO.

[BEEPS]

[VEHICLE DEPARTS]

SWEDEN?

- WHAT'S THAT?

- EH. I GUESS I WON THE NOBEL PRIZE.

- WHAT'S THE NOBEL PRIZE?

- AN AWARD GIVEN TO THOSE WHO HAVE MADE

THE GREATEST CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE BETTERMENT OF HUMANITY.

- OH, THE BETTERMENT OF HUMANITY!

THAT'S WHY I HAVEN'T WON ONE.

- I WONDER WHERE I SHOULD PUT IT.

- UGH, YOU'RE GOING TO DISPLAY IT?

THAT'S SO TACKY, SO SHOWY.

HAVE A LITTLE DECORUM.

- WHAT ABOUT THAT THING?

- THIS? THIS IS A MAJOR AWARD.

- "WORLD'S GREATEST DAUGHTER"?

- DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DAUGHTERS THERE ARE IN THE WORLD?

MILLIONS. AND I,

"SANDRA SANCHEZ,"

AM THE WORLD'S GREATEST.

NOW, GET YOUR OWN SHELF.

[SIGHS]

- HERE'S YOUR SHELF.

YOU KNOW, FOR AN ADDITIONAL $20,

WE'D BE HAPPY TO INSTALL IT FOR YOU.

- $20 TO INSTALL A SHELF?

I WON A NOBEL PRIZE! I THINK I CAN PUT UP MY OWN SHELF.

LOOKS SECURE.

[RATTLES]

HMM. I GUESS I NEED TO FIND A STUD.

[TAPPING]

[CLUNKS] AH, HERE WE GO.

YEP. THAT'S THE STUD RIGHT THERE.

YOU GUYS HAVE ANYTHING TO FILL IN A COUPLE OF TINY, LITTLE HOLES?

BARELY ANYTHING.

- YOU MEAN SPACKLE?

- YEAH, SPACKLE.

SOME PEOPLE CALL IT SPACKLE.

YOU HAVING TROUBLE PUTTING UP THAT SHELF?

- WHAT? NO.

I PUT THAT UP NO PROBLEM.

JUST HAMMERED IT RIGHT IN THERE.

- HAMMERED? YOU USED A DRILL, RIGHT?

- OF COURSE. DRILLED IT RIGHT IN THERE.

ARE THE DRILLS ANYWHERE NEAR THE SPACKLE?

WELL, THE AWARD WILL COVER THAT.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- OH, HI, TINA.

- HEY. PICKING UP DAFFY. DATE NIGHT.

OH, IS THAT A TIMMEL?

- HUH? OH, YEAH. THAT'S MY BRAND, TIMMEL.

IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID, TIMMEL?

- WHAT YOU WORKING ON?

- JUST PUTTING UP A SHELF.

[WHIRRING AND CLANKING]

- OH, THAT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD.

- IT'S FINE. I'M SURE I JUST HIT A STUD.

- THAT'S NOT A STUD. YOU EITHER HIT YOUR JUNCTION BOX

OR A WATER PIPE.

- THANKS FOR YOUR HELP,

BUT I THINK I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

I MEAN, I WON THE NOBEL PRIZE.

[WHIRS AND CLANKS]

THERE, SEE?

- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WATER?

- GUESS IT WAS YOUR WATER PIPE.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- DATE NIGHT. REMEMBER?

ISN'T THAT WHY YOU'RE IN THE SHOWER?

- WHAT? NO. I GOT PEANUT BUTTER ALL OVER MY BACK.

WHEN'S THE WATER GOING TO COME BACK ON.

- WELL, FIRST, HE'S GOT TO REMOVE THE DRYWALL,

SAW OFF THE DAMAGED PIPE, AND PUT ON A SLIP COUPLER.

THEN, HE'S GOING TO REPLACE THE DRYWALL,

SPRAY THE TEXTURE ON, AND PAINT IT.

I COULD DO IT FOR YOU, BUT IT WOULD TAKE A COUPLE OF DAYS.,

- A COUPLE OF DAYS?

I CAN'T GO WITHOUT A SHOWER FOR THAT LONG!

- SINCE WHEN DO YOU TAKE SO MANY SHOWERS?

- IT'S THE PRINCIPLE.

IF I'M GOING TO PAY RENT SOMEWHERE,

THEN I WANT EVERYTHING TO WORK.

- YOU DON'T PAY RENT.

- AND I WON'T,

NOT UNTIL THAT'S FIXED.

NOW WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE?

THEY WON'T LET ME BACK AT THE "Y." LONG STORY.

- I GUESS YOU COULD STAY WITH ME.

- I DON'T THINK SO,

NOT UNTIL THERE'S A RING ON THIS FINGER.

[HISSING]

HERE. LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED THIS.

HEY, MY EYES ARE UP HERE.

- THANKS FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE, PORKY.

- [STAMMERING] IT WILL BE FUN.

IT CAN GET KIND OF LONELY

LIVING IN THIS BIG OLD HOUSE BY MYSELF.

WELL, THIS IS THE GUEST BEDROOM.

- GREAT. I'M SURE YOU'LL BE VERY COMFORTABLE HERE.

- YOU GET THAT SHELF UP?

- [DEEP VOICE] SHELF? HA HA HA.

YOU MUST HAVE ME CONFUSED WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.

I'M A TOTALLY DIFFERENT CUSTOMER.

NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE.

- JUST THE SAW?

- UH, YEAH. OH, I'M ALSO GOING TO NEED A...

SLIP COUPLER.

- OH. YOU GOT A CRACKED WATER PIPE?

OH, YEAH. HEH. YOU KNOW HOW THAT GOES.

WATER WAS POURING OUT WHEN I LEFT.

- YOU MEAN, YOU DIDN'T SHUT OFF THE WATER MAIN?

- [SCREAMS]

[NORMAL VOICE] KEEP THE CHANGE!

- CONGRATULATIONS!

- LOLA, I GOT TO GET INSIDE

AND SHUT OFF THE WATER MAIN-- WHATEVER THAT IS.

- WINNING THE NOBEL PRIZE? THAT'S AMAZING!

- LOLA, MOVE IT!

- I MEAN, NO BELLS. NONE.

I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT BELLS.

[JANGLING]

- I THINK MY HOUSE IS FLOODED!

- WOW! SOMEONE WINS THE NOBEL PRIZE AND THINKS THEY'RE PRETTY HOT.

WELL, GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE NOT, ALL RIGHT?

ALL YOU DID WAS NOT HAVE A BELL, OK?

ANYONE COULD DO THAT. I COULD TOTALLY DO THAT.

WHO AM I KIDDING? NO I CAN'T. BELLS ARE SO FUN!

[JANGLING]

- WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN? I WAS TAKING A NAP.

I ALMOST DROWNED!

- I WAS TRYING TO PUT UP A SHELF,

AND I DRILLED INTO A WATER PIPE.

- WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST PAY SOMEONE ELSE TO PUT IT UP FOR YOU?

I DON'T GET IT.

- I WON THE NOBEL PRIZE.

I THINK I CAN PUT UP A SHELF.

- OH, THE NOBEL PRIZE, HUH? WHAT DID YOU GET IT FOR--

MAKING BAD DECISIONS?

[JANGLING]

- SPEEDY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- I LIVE HERE. OR AT LEAST I USED TO.

- WAIT A MINUTE. YOU LIVE IN BUGS' HOUSE?

DON'T YOU OWN A RESTAURANT? CAN'T YOU AFFORD YOUR OWN PLACE?

- MMM. PROBABLY.

- SPEEDY, WE'RE ADULTS, M'KAY?

ADULTS LIVE ON THEIR OWN.

- WHERE DO YOU LIVE? - WITH MY PARENTS.

THEY GAVE ME THESE BELLS!

- [STAMMERING] OH, I WAS JUST GOING TO DO SOME LAUNDRY,

SO I NEED TO GET MY LAUNDRY BASKET.

- I'LL GET IT.

HERE YOU GO. - THANKS.

- HOLD IT. THESE ARE MY WHITES.

THESE ARE MY DARKS.

OH! AND... THESE ARE MY DELICATES.

- I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU WEAR CLOTHES.

- I LIKE HAVING THE OPTION.

NOW, PAY ATTENTION.

THE DELICATES DON'T GO IN THE MACHINE.

THESE ARE 100% SILK.

THEY NEED TO BE HAND WASHED. GOT IT?

- I THINK.

- REPEAT IT BACK TO ME.

- UH, DARKS. WHITES. DELICATES.

- WHAT ABOUT THE DELICATES?

- HAND WASH THEM?

- OH, AND I'M HAVING A LADY FRIEND OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT,

SO HERE'S A LIST FOR THE GROCERY STORE.

- OOH, WHO ARE WE HAVING DINNER WITH?

- I'M HAVING DINNER WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING.

- IT'S FUN HAVING A ROOMMATE.

- ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A BIG HOLE IN THE WALL.

OK. SO I GUESS I JUST NEED TO MAKE A CUT HERE AND HERE,

THEN REMOVE THIS PART, PUT IN A SLIP COUPLER,

THEN SOMEHOW...

FIX THIS WHOLE WALL,

POP IN THE OL' SHELF, AND WE'RE DONE.

EASY. [WHIRRING]

WHOA!

[CREAKS]

I WONDER IF THIS BEAM WAS IMPORTANT.

[CRACKING]

HMM. MIGHT NEED TO GET A LITTLE MORE SPACKLE.

[CREAKS]

MAYBE A LOT MORE SPACKLE.

- [STAMMERING] HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAFFY!

- [GASPS]

- DO YOU LIKE IT?

- HMM.

YOU'VE GIVEN ME A BIRTHDAY GIFT

YOU'VE REALLY GIVEN MY DAY A LIFT

OH, WOW, A CHILDHOOD PHOTO

OF YOU AND ME

BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING NOW

AND I'M TRYING TO FIND THE WORDS HOW

WHILE YOUR GIFT WAS THOUGHTFUL

IT WAS ALSO CHINTZY

I CAN REMEDY THE SITUATION

AND YOU CAN AVOID FUTURE HUMILIATION

- WHOA!

- IF YOU WOULD JUST FOLLOW

THESE GIFT-GIVING GUIDELINES

BUY ME SOMETHING MADE OF SOLID GOAL

'CAUSE THIS HOMEMADE SWEATER LEAVES ME COLD

THINK IN TERMS OF THINGS THAT ARE EXPENSIVE

A COFFEE MUG THAT SAYS "MY BEST FRIEND"

WILL FIND A NEW HOME IN MY TRASH BIN

AND IF YOU KNIT ME A SCARF

I'LL BURY IT IN THE BACK YARD

NOW, PAY ATTENTION

CHINTZY, CHINTZY, CHINTZY, CHINTZY

NOT CHINTZY

CHINTZY, CHINTZY, CHINTZY, CHINTZY

VERY CHINTZY

THIS GIFT HAS A HOT DATE

WITH MY SHREDDER

BUY ME A JACUZZI FILLED WITH CAVIAR

OR A DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED ROCKET CAR

AND WHEN IN DOUBT, TRY A BRIEFCASE FULL OF MONEY

TRY TO STAY AWAY FROM ARTS AND CRAFTS

I DON'T WANT YOUR HOMEMADE BUBBLE BATH

AND COOKIES ARE BETTER WHEN THEY'RE MADE

BY PROFESSIONALS

BUY ME A RANCH WITH A THOUSAND LONGHORN STEERS

[MOOING]

OR A MANSION FILLED

WITH CRYSTAL CHANDELIERS

AN M60A3 ARMY TANK

WOULD BE MET WITH HEARTFELT THANKS

BECAUSE THAT'S SOMETHING I COULD DRIVE TO THE SUPERMARKET

- CHINTZY, CHINTZY, CHINTZY, CHINTZY

- NOT CHINTZY - GOOD.

- CHINTZY, CHINTZY, CHINTZY, CHINTZY

- VERY CHINTZY. - YES.

THAT'S WHY I'M SETTING FIRE

TO THE PHOTO YOU GAVE ME

SO I'M GLAD I COULD HELP YOU OUT

THIS IS WHAT FRIENDSHIP'S ALL ABOUT

BUT THE NEXT GIFT THAT YOU BRING

SHOULD REQUIRE A TRAILER

[FOGHORN BLOWS]

SO BEFORE A NEW DAY DAWNS

MAYBE CASH IN YOUR SAVING BONDS

AND BUY ME A PRESENT

THAT IS NOT CHINTZY

- AHEM. YOU STILL OWE ME A BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

- WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- HMM. IT'S PRETTY NICE, I GUESS.

MAYBE I COULD PUT MY HOLE OVER HERE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN A HOLE. YOU GOT ALL THIS SPACE.

- I DON'T KNOW. IT SEEMS SO BIG.

- I COULD HELP YOU DECORATE. OH, IT WILL BE FUN!

IT'S MY LEFT ONE. MY RIGHT EYE'S JUST A REGULAR EYE.

OH, NO, WAIT. I'M WRONG.

MY RIGHT EYE IS MY GREAT EYE.

MY LEFT EYE HAS X-RAY VISION.

- HEY, MY EYES ARE UP HERE, OK?

- I CAN TOTALLY SEE THROUGH THAT.

- DOLING A LITTLE HOME IMPROVEMENT?

- [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] OH, YOU KNOW.

JUST TINKERING WITH A FEW LITTLE PROJECTS.

NOTHING BIG, JUST REPLACING THE CEILING,

AN ENTIRE WALL,

MOST OF THE FLOOR.

MAYBE PUT IN A NEW SUPPORT BEAM OR TWO.

- THAT'LL BE $2,865.43.

- [NORMAL VOICE] SAY WHAT?

- WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- I THINK I NEED TO GET BACK TO THE GYM.

- NOT YOU, SILLY. THE MIRROR.

- OHH! IT'S DIVINE! IS IT ROCOCO?

- NO, NO, NO, IT'S BAROQUE.

- BUT A BAROQUAN MIRROR IS 7 YEARS' BAD LUCK!

[BOTH GIGGLE]

[BELL DINGS]

- OOH. NICE BELL.

- MAY WE HELP YOU?

I AM DECORATING AN APARTMENT FOR A DEAR, DEAR FRIEND OF MINE.

- OOH, WHATEVER CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT HIM?

- UM...WELL, HE'S A MOUSE NAMED SPEEDY GONZALEZ.

I THINK HE MIGHT WEAR A HAT.

- WELL, WE JUST RECEIVED SOME LOVELY PIECES FROM SPAIN.

- THIS PARTICULAR CHEST OF DRAWERS IS 18th CENTURY MAHOGANY.

- NOTICE THE BURLED WALNUT INSET PANELS.

- OH, I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT REALLY SPEAKING TO ME.

- OH, WELL, PERHAPS SE?OR GONZALEZ WOULD PREFER

SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE MODERN?

- I AM POSITIVELY OBSESSED WITH THIS MID-CENTURY SOFA.

- NO. THIS ISN'T REALLY SPEAKING TO ME, EITHER.

[GASPS] OOH!

NOW, THIS IS SPEAKING TO ME.

HMM?

OH, THANK YOU. THAT'S VERY FLATTERING,

BUT I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

HE JUST WON THE NOBEL PRIZE.

BESIDES, YOU'RE NOT REALLY MY TYPE.

YOU'RE TOO TALL. AND YOU'RE AN ARMOIRE.

SO...

HUH? OH, AN ARM-WAH.

EXCUSE ME! "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, I'M FROM FRANCE."

- WELL, WHAT ABOUT THIS?

IT ARRIVED THIS MORNING.

- LOOK, I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO,

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW SPEEDY LIKE I KNOW SPEEDY.

I KNOW YOU THINK YOU DO BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL MICE--

- WE'RE GOPHERS.

- OH. IS THAT DIFFERENT?

- JUST TAKE A LOOK.

IT'S ITALIAN BAROQUE.

- ISN'T IT EXQUISITE?

- HMM. IT IS NICE.

AND SPEEDY IS ITALIAN.

MAYBE THIS IS SPEEDY!

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? NO.

THIS--THIS ISN'T SPEEDY. MM-MMM.

YEAH, I THINK I'M JUST GOING TO KEEP LOOKING AROUND,

TRY A FEW MORE STORES AND MAYBE SOME PLACE THAT FEELS MORE LIKE HIM.

[GASPS] [BELL DINGS]

OH, I DO LOVE THAT BELL, THOUGH. IT'S A GREAT BELL.

[BELL DINGS]

- 7 YEARS ISN'T THAT LONG, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

[SLURPING]

- WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE LOBSTER BISQUE?

[SCOFFS] I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING ELSE.

SOMETHING FOR A LESS REFINED PALATE.

[BELL DINGS]

- SO...UH... WHERE'S PORKY?

- [STAMMERING] HOW MAY I BE OF SERVICE?

- PORKY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THAT OUTFIT?

- DON'T ENGAGE THE HELP.

THAT BETTER BE MY BREAD AND BUTTER.

- YES, SIR.

- THE LADY DOESN'T LIKE HER SOUP.

BRING HER SOMETHING ELSE.

- THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THE SOUP.

- THE BUTTER IS HARD! - WHAT?

- I SAID, THE BUTTER IS HARD,

BECAUSE SOMEBODY FAILED TO LET IT SOFTEN

BEFORE SERVING DINNER.

- I'M SORRY! I JUST GOT SO BUSY WITH THE CR?ME BR?L?E--

BUT YOU'RE NOT TOO BUSY TO MAKE EXCUSES!

- OW! THAT HURT!

- I BET IT HURT, BECAUSE IT'S HARD!

- THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU, TINA.

THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND MY BUTLER.

- HE'S NOT YOUR BUTLER!

PORKY, YOU ARE NOT HIS BUTLER.

- I KNOW. I JUST-- I LIKE HAVING SOMEONE AROUND.

- ARE THESE STORE-BOUGHT ROLLS? [GRUNTS]

- OF COURSE YOU'RE SAYING "OW!"

THEY'RE LIKE ROCKS!

OW!

- PORKY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'RE LETTING HIM WALK ALL OVER YOU LIKE THIS.

THIS IS YOUR HOUSE! BE A MAN.

- YOU'RE RIGHT. - WHAT?

- I WAS SICK OF WEARING THIS, ANYWAY.

THERE. THAT'S BETTER.

- WELL, IF THIS DUMP DOESN'T COME WITH A BUTLER,

I MIGHT AS WELL GO BACK TO THE OLD DUMP.

AND I CAN TELL YOU PUT THESE IN THE DRYER.

- OK. IN DECORATING YOUR APARTMENT,

I HAD TO ASK MYSELF, "WHO IS SPEEDY GONZALEZ?

"WHAT DOES SPEEDY GONZALEZ WANT?

WHAT DOES SPEEDY GONZALEZ NEED?"

I HAD TO GET INSIDE THE MIND OF SPEEDY GONZALEZ.

IT WASN'T EASY, BUT I THINK I NAILED IT.

SPEEDY GONZALEZ, WELCOME HOME!

[GASPS] WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- UH, YEAH, IT'S, UH...

THERE'S A LOT OF LITTLE BELLS EVERYWHERE.

- THESE BELLS HAVE LITTLE BELLS INSIDE THE BELLS!

[RINGING]

- YOU KNOW, LOLA, I APPRECIATE YOU DOING ALL OF THIS,

BUT I THINK I'M GOING TO GO BACK TO SE?OR BUGS.

I LIKE MY LITTLE MOUSE HOLE THERE.

IT'S GOT TO BE DRY BY NOW.

- BUT THEN WHO'S GOING TO LIVE HERE?

- YOU COULD. - ME?

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT REALLY MY TASTE.

I GUESS I COULD MAKE IT WORK.

GET RID OF SOME OF THIS SPEEDY GONZALEZ INFLUENCE.

- HOME, SWEET HOME.

- AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH.

[WHIRRING]

- I GOT THE SHELF UP!

[WIND BLOWING]

[BLADES WHIRRING]

[WHIRRING]

[POPPING]

[DINGS] [WHIRRING STOPS]

- BEEP BEEP!

[PUFFING]

[PUFFS]

[CREAKS]

[WHIRRING]

BEEP BEEP!

BEEP BEEP!

[WIND BLOWING]

[WHIRRING]

[BUZZING]

[POPPING]

[DINGS]

BEEP BEEP!

- IT WAS, BUT I'M A NOBEL PRIZE WINNER.

I KNOW HOW TO FIX A HOUSE.

- OK. FIXED THE HOUSE.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE.

- WELL, SHE FIXED THE HOUSE,

BUT I PUT UP THE SHELF.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

- I'LL JUST WEAR IT.

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