Original subtitles

- AND THIS LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE

ABOUT A 38 YARD FIELD GOAL. AND DALLAS BETTER--

[CHANGES CHANNEL] - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS WATCHING THE GAME.

- "OFF DUTY COP" MARATHON.

- I KNEW IT! YOU'RE A COP!

- I'M AN OFF DUTY COP.

- OH, BROTHER.

- AAH! HOT COFFEE!

- YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT WITH HOT COFFEE?

- COFFEE CAKE?

- NO.

COFFEE KICK.

[CROWD CHEERING]

- TURN IT BACK.

UNLESS YOU WANT A COFFEE KICK.

YOU ASKED FOR IT. [GRUNTS]

I'VE GOT TO GET A STUNT MAN.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION

- THE FIELD GOAL IS UP, AND IT'S GOOD!

YES! WE'RE GOING TO THE PLAYOFFS!

[DRILL WHIRRING AND POUNDING]

[SAWING]

[DRILL WHIRRING AND POUNDING]

- WHAT IS THIS?

- GOAL POST.

WELL, I GET TO KICK A FIELD GOAL AT HALFTIME

AT THIS WEEKEND'S PLAYOFF GAME.

IF I MAKE IT, I GET A MILLION DOLLARS.

- FORGET THE MILLION DOLLARS, YOU GET TO GO TO THE GAME?

- I DON'T CARE ABOUT FOOTBALL!

ALLS I CARES ABOUT IS MAKING THAT FIELD GOAL.

NOW STEP ASIDE, 'CAUSE I GOT TO GET TO PRACTICIN'.

- UH, YOU DO REALIZE THAT IF YOU ACTUALLY MAKE A FIELD GOAL,

IT'LL GO RIGHT THROUGH MY WINDOW.

- WELL, THEN YOU BETTER GET THE WINDOW REPAIRMAN ON THE LINE.

'CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO BUST SOME GLASS.

- YOU WANT ME TO GO AHEAD AND GET THAT WINDOW REPAIRMAN ON THE LINE?

- I HAVE SOME EXCITING NEWS.

- YOU FINALLY GOT A GIRLFRIEND. - AH, NO, I--

- OK, HOT PLATES, HOT PLATES COMING IN.

FETTUCCINI ALFREDO, A PERSONAL PAN PIZZA,

AND THE MEATBALL SUB.

- HEY, SPEEDY, PORKY'S FINALLY GOT A GIRLFRIEND.

- OOH! GOOD FOR YOU, PINKY.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BE ONE THOSE ALWAYS LIVES ALONE GUYS,

WHO JUST GETS MORE AND MORE DESPERATE

UNTIL HE ALIENATES THE FEW FRIENDS THAT HE HAS.

AND THEN HE'S JUST ALONE.

SO WHAT A RELIEF FOR YOU.

NOW WHEN CAN WE MEET THIS NEW GIRLFRIEND?

- UGH. [STAMMERING] I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

- WELL, STAY IN THE GAME, PINKY.

BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT GROWING A BEARD.

YOU GOT SO MUCH...FACE.

- THAT WAS YOUR EXCITING NEWS,

THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

- NO! I GOT US PLAYOFF TICKETS.

- WHAT?! HOW DID YOU GET TICKETS?

THEY'VE BEEN SOLD OUT FOR WEEKS!

- MY UNCLE WORKS IN THE LEAGUE OFFICE.

- PORKY, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE GOING TO THE PLAYOFFS!

- I'M PICKING UP THE TICKETS THIS AFTERNOON.

- YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER SAID THIS BEFORE,

BUT FANG U.

- YOU MEAN "THANK YOU".

- IS THAT HOW IT'S PRONOUNCED? WELL THEN, THANGGG YOU.

- THERE'S NO TWO PEOPLE I'D RATHER GO WITH.

[HEART BEATING]

- MY FRIENDSHIP WITH PORKY IS OVER!

- WHAT?!

- HE ATE MY FRENCH FRIES!

- THE ONES THAT CAME WITH MY SANDWICH!

- HE PROBABLY THOUGHT THEY WERE FOR THE TABLE.

- THEY WERE NOT FOR THE TABLE. THEY WERE MY FRIES.

THEY CAME WITH MY SANDWICH.

YOU WANT FRIES, ORDER FRIES.

BUT YOU DO NOT TAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S FRIES.

THAT IS A GARBAGE MOVE!

PORKY IS A PIECE OF GARBAGE.

- DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE DRAMATIC?

- I AM NOT BEING DRAMATIC!

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I'M GOING TO WALK MYSELF HOME.

THAT'S RIGHT, WALK HOME THROUGH THIS UNSAVORY NEIGHBORHOOD

WHERE I'LL SURELY BE SAT UPON

BY RUFFIANS AND MISCREANTS,

STREET HUSTLERS AND ROAD MONKEYS.

NONE OF WHOM, BY THE BY,

COME CLOSE TO BEING THE KIND OF GARBAGE THAT IS PORKY PIG.

NOW GOOD DAY, SIR!

[SIREN IN DISTANCE]

BUGS?

[HONKS HORN]

- HEY. I FIXED YOUR WINDOW.

THAT'LL BE $170.

- BILL ME. I'M ABOUT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE.

HYAH!

[TIRES SQUEALING, GLASS BREAKING]

[TRUCK BEEPING] - UH-OH.

[GRUNTING]

[DOG GROWLING, YOSEMITE YELLING]

DOWN, BOY! DOWN!

WHOA! NICE DOGGIES!

OW! OW! OOH HO!

COWBOY DOWN!

- DON'T YOU KNOW WHEN SOMEONE'S BEING DRAMATIC?

[TELEPHONE RINGS] - IT'S PORKY.

- HIDE YOUR FRENCH FRIES. - HEY, PORK.

- I JUST PICKED UP THE TICKETS.

OUR SEATS ARE EVEN BETTER THAN WE THOUGHT.

- OH, THAT'S GREAT. DAFFY, PORKY GOT THE TICKETS.

- TELL THAT PIECE OF GARBAGE

THAT HE CAN KEEP HIS GARBAGE TICKETS.

- WHAT DID HE SAY? - HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

IT WAS NOTHING. - IT WAS NOT NOTHING!

I DEFINITELY SAID SOMETHING.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH DAFFY?

- I GUESS YOU ATE SOME OF HIS FRIES.

- WHAT?!

- DAFFY'S MAD AT YOU

BECAUSE YOU ATE SOME OF HIS FRIES.

- I THOUGHT THEY WERE FOR THE TABLE!

- HE THOUGHT THEY WERE FOR THE TABLE.

- THEY WERE NOT FOR THE TABLE!

- RELAX! HE JUST GOT US PLAYOFF TICKETS.

- LET ME TALK TO HIM. - HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

- I'M NOT TALKING TO HIM. I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!

YOU ATE MY FRIES!

- I THOUGHT THEY WERE FOR THE TABLE!

- DID YOU PAY FOR THOSE FRIES?

BECAUSE IF YOU DIDN'T, THEN YOU DON'T GET ANY FRIES!

- UH, I DID PAY FOR THE FRIES.

I BOUGHT EVERYBODY LUNCH.

- OH! SO YOU THINK THAT IF YOU PAY FOR A MEAL,

THEN YOU GET TO EAT EVERYONE'S FOOD.

WELL, REMIND ME TO NEVER PAY FOR ANYONE'S MEAL.

- YOU NEVER PAY FOR ANYONE'S MEAL.

- THAT'S BECAUSE I HAVE CLASS.

BUT NONE OF THIS MATTERS BECAUSE I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU!

[BEEPING]

HOW DO YOU HANG THIS UP? TELL HIM GOOD-BYE.

NO, I'M NOT TALKING TO HIM.

TELL HIM I DIDN'T SAY GOOD-BYE.

- PORKY, DON'T LISTEN TO DAFFY.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS YOU GOT THE TICKETS AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO THE GAME.

SO WHAT IF YOU ATE A FEW OF HIS FRIES?

- HIS FRIES?! YOU'RE ON DAFFY'S SIDE?

- NO, I'M NOT ON ANYBODY'S SIDE.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, FORGET ABOUT THE TICKETS.

NO ONE'S GOING TO THE GAME!

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[GRUNTING]

[DOGS GROWLING] - AW, NOT AGAIN!

AHH!

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

- WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?

I'M PUTTING THE GARBAGE IN THE GARBAGE CAN.

- THOSE ARE PICTURES OF ME!

- WELL, YOU ONLY HAD TWO PHOTOS OF PORKY,

BUT BY THEN IT WAS TOO LATE. I WAS ON A ROLL.

- DAFFY, YOU'VE GOT TO APOLOGIZE TO PORKY.

- WHY? BECAUSE HE'S DONE SO MUCH FOR ME OVER THE YEARS?

BECAUSE HE'S SHOWN HIMSELF TO BE A GENEROUS PERSON

OF TREMENDOUS CHARACTER AND INTEGRITY,

AND IT'S PETTY OF ME TO HOLD A GRUDGE

OVER A TINY, HARMLESS MISUNDERSTANDING?

- NO, BECAUSE I WANT TO GO TO THE GAME.

- WELL, YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THE GAME,

BECAUSE I'M NOT APOLOGIZING.

- HE THOUGHT THEY WERE FOR THE TABLE!

- OH! SO NOW YOU'RE TAKING HIS SIDE?

- I'M TAKING HIS SIDE. I'M NOT TAKING YOUR SIDE.

THERE ARE NO SIDES. IT'S FRENCH FRIES!

- THIS ISN'T ABOUT FRENCH FRIES! THIS IS ABOUT MORALS!

- YOU DON'T HAVE MORALS!

- WELL, THEN I GUESS IT'S ABOUT FRENCH FRIES!

- THAT'S MY ROOM. [GLASS BREAKING]

- YOUR ROOM, YOUR PROBLEM.

- WOW!

THANK YOU.

- DON'T THANK ME. THANK DAFFY.

IT'S FROM HIM. - REALLY?

- HE FEELS TERRIBLE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

- BUT HOW COME HE DIDN'T BRING IT OVER?

- HE WAS TOO ASHAMED. HE COULDN'T FACE YOU.

BUT HE WROTE YOU A CARD.

HERE, READ IT.

I'M SO SORRY. YOU WERE RIGHT, I WAS WRONG.

THE FRENCH FRIES WERE FOR THE TABLE."

- "DEAR DAFFY, I'M SO SORRY.

"YOU WERE RIGHT. I WAS WRONG.

THEY WERE YOUR FRENCH FRIES."

- "I HOPE WE CAN PUT THIS ALL BEHIND US,

"GO TO THE GAME, AND BE FRIENDS AGAIN--

AT THE GAME. IN FRIENDSHIP, DAFFY DUCK."

- "IN FRIENDSHIP, PORKY PIG."

- SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? CAN WE LET BYGONES BE BYGONES

AND ALL GO TO THE GAME?

- OF COURSE WE CAN.

I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT THIS INCREDIBLE GIFT BASKET.

- I GUESS WE CAN. BUT YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT, THAT'S A LAME GIFT BASKET.

- 22, 23, 24.

THERE'S ONLY 25 PEOPLE IN FRONT OF US.

WE'RE ALMOST INSIDE! PLAYOFFS!

- DAFFY, I'M REALLY GLAD WE SETTLED THINGS.

- WELL, IT TOOK A BIG MAN TO ADMIT THEY WERE WRONG.

- I COULDN'T AGREE MORE.

TOOK A BIG MAN, THERE'S NO NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE,

BECAUSE WE'RE ONLY 16, 17, 18 PEOPLE AWAY FROM THE BIG GAME!

- THAT WAS A REALLY NICE GIFT BASKET.

- YOU KNOW, THE THING ABOUT GIFT BASKETS

IS THEY'RE SO MUCH NICER WHEN YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT THEM.

- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT REALLY NICE.

I MEAN, ONCE YOU TAKE OFF THE RIBBONS AND THE BOWS

AND ALL THE STRAW, IT'S JUST A COUPLE OF SCENTED CANDLES

AND SOME WEIRD FRUIT.

- WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S OVER,

IT'S DONE, WE'VE MOVED ON,

AND WE'RE 9, 10, 11 PEOPLE AWAY,

SO LET'S JUST SILENTLY BIDE OUR TIME.

- WELL, REGARDLESS, IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.

- I AGREE.

- SO, THANK YOU. - FOR WHAT?

- THE GIFT BASKET. - WHAT GIFT BASKET?

- WE'RE TWO PEOPLE AWAY.

LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN WE GET INSIDE.

- THE ONE YOU GAVE ME.

- YOU GAVE ME A GIFT BASKET.

- BUT WHY WOULD I GIVE YOU A GIFT BASKET?

- JUST GIVE HIM YOUR TICKET. - FOR EATING MY FRIES!

- YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE LINE.

- I THOUGHT THEY WERE FOR THE TABLE!

- THEY CAME WITH MY SANDWICH.

- SO YOU DIDN'T GET ME A GIFT BASKET?

- NO! YOU GOT ME A GIFT BASKET.

- I DIDN'T GIVE YOU A GIFT BASKET!

- I GOT THE GIFT BASKETS!

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FRENCH FRIES!

I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE GAME!

- WELL, NO ONE'S GOING TO THE GAME!

- NO!

- I WOULDN'T WANT TO GO TO A GAME WITH A PIECE OF GARBAGE, ANYWAY!

- HERE'S MY TICKET.

KIND OF A LONG STORY.

THEY HAD A FIGHT.

FRENCH FRIES.

- WHEN THE SNOW FLURRIES SWIRL

AND WE'RE ALL FILLED WITH CHEER

IT'S TIME TO CELEBRATE

MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR

YOU KNOW WHICH ONE I'M TALKING ABOUT-- PRESIDENTS' DAY!

IT'S PRESIDENTS' DAY, IT'S TIME TO REFLECT

ON THIS WONDERFUL MAN THAT WE ELECT

ABRAHAM LINCOLN AND GEORGE WASHINGTON

THOMAS JEFFERSON AND ALEC BALDWIN

CELEBRATE OSCAR DE LA HOYA

HE FOUGHT OFF THE BRITISH SO THEY WOULD NOT ANNOY YA

RAISE THE FLAG, THE STARS AND STRIPES

OUR 41st PRESIDENT WESLEY SNIPES

CHARLES NELSON REILLY WON THE WAR

WITH THE HELP OF HIS MIGHTY VICE PRESIDENT THOR

WE WERE IN TROUBLE AT THE BATTLE OF MANILA

BUT LUCKY FOR US, WE HAD PRESIDENT GODZILLA

THANKS, PRESIDENT GODZILLA.

MY COUNTRY, TIS OF THEE

SWEET LAND OF MR. T

AND MRS. T

THEY DID SO MUCH FOR US

LIKE PRESIDENT SPARTACUS

WHO CHOPPED DOWN A FOREST

SO WE CAN HAVE SOFTER TOILET PAPER

AND NOW, LET'S SALUTE ONE OF OUR GREATEST PRESIDENTS,

PRESIDENT JOHNSON. OH, NO. NO, NOT THAT ONE.

NO, NO, SORRY, NOT HIM. THERE. OH, THERE HE IS!

SO CELEBRATE OUR FEARLESS LEADERS

LIKE HARRISON FORD AND HIS VP DEREK JETER

AND LET'S NOT FORGET PRESIDENT PACINO

WHO FOUGHT AT THE ALAMO WITH ROBERT DeNIRO

CELEBRATE, EVERYONE'S DANCIN'

FOR THE FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT SCARLETT JOHANSSON

PRESIDENTS' DAY, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

OH, YEAH, YEAH, OOH

OH, MY GOSH, I JUST SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE PRESIDENT CHRISTINA AGUILERA.

THAT IS SO CRAZY.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

- SOMEBODY PARK THIS THING.

- EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.

UH, WOULD YOU MIND JUST LIFTING YOUR FOOT A LITTLE BIT?

I THINK YOU'RE STANDING ON A PIECE OF MY TICKET.

OH, NOPE. NOW YOU'RE STANDING ON MY HAND.

- EXCUSE ME, COMING THROUGH.

VIP. MILLION DOLLAR VIP.

- SAM?

MEHH, WHAT'S UP, NEIGHBOR?

- OUT OF MY WAY! I GOT A FIELD GOAL TO KICK.

- WELL, GOOD LUCK. YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT!

- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

- WELL, IF I ONLY HAD ONE CHANCE TO WIN A MILLION DOLLARS,

AND YOU KNOW, NOTHING'S LUCKIER THAN A RABBIT'S FOOT.

OOH!

YOU'D BE WILLING TO PART WITH IT?

- NO, YOU IDIOT! TAKE ME IN THERE WITH YOU.

- OH, RIGHT.

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!

- WATCH THE GAME.

- UH-UH. YOU AND THEM LUCKY FEET

AIN'T LEAVING MY SIDE TILL I KICK THAT BALL

THROUGH THEM UPRIGHTS.

A DEAL'S A DEAL.

[WHISTLE BLOWS, CROWD CHEERING]

- FINE.

BUT AFTER YOU KICK THE BALL,

I'M KICKING YOU TO THE CURB.

- UGH, I SHOULD HAVE JUST TAKEN HIS FOOT.

[CROWD CHEERING ON TV]

- AND DALLAS BETTER BE CAREFUL HERE,

BECAUSE NEW YORK'S BEEN BETTER THAN ANYONE IN THE LEAGUE

AT BLOCKING FIELD GOALS.

- OH, HEY, PIGGY. TABLE FOR ONE?

- I CAN GET A GIRLFRIEND ANY TIME I WANT.

- WHOA-HO, EASY!

WHY ARE YOU SO DEFENSIVE?

MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

NO, IT'S THAT FACE. START GROWING A BEARD, MAN.

- CAN I JUST GET A TABLE?

- UNFORTUNATELY, WE DON'T HAVE ANY TABLES AVAILABLE.

PACKED HOUSE FOR THE GAME.

IF YOU WANT, THERE'S A SEAT AT THE COUNTER.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- ALL RIGHT.

- WITHOUT QUESTION, I HAVE THE WORST SEAT IN THE STADIUM.

[SAM GRUNTING]

- FIVE MINUTES TILL HALFTIME.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MISSING AN INCREDIBLE GAME.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[WHISTLE BLOWS] - UGH!

- [GRUNTING]

- YOU'RE NOT WEARING CLEATS?

- HEH! THESE DUDES ARE MY SECRET WEAPON.

A POINTED TOE MAKES THE BALL FLY THROUGH.

- YOU'RE GOING TO SLIP. YOU'VE GOT TO WEAR CLEATS.

- OOOH, I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON!

YOU'RE JEALOUS OF ME.

YOU DON'T WANT ME TO WIN A MILLION DOLLARS.

- I'M NOT JEALOUS OF YOU.

'CAUSE THE BOOTSIES IS STAYING ON THE TOOTSIES.

COME ON, RABBIT. BRING YOUR FEET.

- [SIGHS]

FINALLY! I'M GOING TO SEE SOME ACTION!

[CROWD CHEERING]

- WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHAT'S HAPPENING?!

WHAT HAPPENED?! [WHISTLE BLOWS]

- TOUCHDOWN!

- [GROANING]

- WHOA!

- SHOULD HAVE WORN CLEATS.

- WHY YOU RAZZLE FRA--

UH, PARDON ME, DOLL,

BUT MAY I BORROW YOUR NAIL FILE?

[CROWD CHEERING ON TV]

- OH, I'M SORRY.

IS THIS FOR THE TABLE, OR IS IT JUST FOR YOU?

- I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU. - WELL, I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.

- TOO LATE. YOU JUST TALKED TO ME.

- REAL MATURE, DAFFY. - DAFFY!

- STOP COPYING ME. - STOP COPYING ME!

- DAFFY, STOP IT! - DAFFY, STOP IT!

- I'M SERIOUS! - I'M SERIOUS!

[BOTH SIGH]

- AND IT'S HALFTIME.

NOW LET'S GO BACK DOWN ON THE FIELD,

AS ONE LUCKY FAN WILL GET A CHANCE TO KICK

A FIELD GOAL FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.

ARE YOU WEARING COWBOY BOOTS?

- COWBOY CLEATS! [CHUCKLES]

COME ON, FEET! LUCKY, LUCKY FEET.

- ALL RIGHT, JUST KICK THE BALL SO I CAN WATCH THE SECOND HALF.

[SCREAMING]

- OH! YOU HATE TO SEE THAT HAPPEN.

- GAWWW!

OH, OH, OH, OH!

- HEY, HE SHOULD HAVE WORN MORE APPROPRIATE SHOES.

- I NEVER GOT MY SIDE OF FRIES. - WHAT SIDE OF FRIES?

- THE FRIES THAT COME WITH THE MEATBALL SUB.

- FRIES DON'T COME WITH THE MEATBALL SUB.

- THEY DID LAST TIME. - NO, THEY DIDN'T.

I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU GUYS COMPLIMENTS OF THE HOUSE.

YOU KNOW, FOR THE TABLE.

- WELL, THAT ANSWERS THAT QUESTION. YOU GONNA EAT THAT?

- IS THAT SE?OR BUGS?

- AHH!

IT HURTS SO BAD!

WHY ME?!

- WELL, SOMEONE'S GOT TO KICK IT.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

- HEY, I GUESS THESE FEET ARE LUCKY AFTER ALL.

[CROWD CHEERING]

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GAVE THE MILLION DOLLARS TO CHAR-ITY.

- YOU MEAN CHARITY.

- OH. IS THAT HOW IT'S PRONOUNCED?

- HEY, LOOK OVER THERE.

- PORKY GOT A GIRLFRIEND? HOW?!

- [GIGGLES]

- I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE BEARD, HUH?

MAYBE I SHOULD GROW ONE.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!

[GLASS SHATTERS]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0