Original subtitles

- HMM. SHOULD I BUY A NEW TV,

OR SHOULD I BUY ONE OF THOSE MASSAGE CHAIRS?

- HUH! TOUGH LIFE.

- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? - MALL PANTS.

- WHAT KIND OF PANTS? - MALL PANTS.

PANTS YOU WEAR TO THE MALL, AS A SIGN OF RESPECT.

- SO WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A SHIRT?

- TOO MUCH RESPECT. IT'S THE MALL, NOT CHURCH.

ALSO, I CAN'T AFFORD A SHIRT.

- I SUPPOSE I COULD BUY THE TV

AND JUST GO SOMEWHERE FOR A MASSAGE.

- WHOA. UH-OH. MY MALL PANTS!

- YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST GOING TO BUY BOTH.

- [GRUNTS]

- NO MALL UNDERWEAR, HUH?

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION

- KEEP THE CHANGE.

EHH, WHAT'S UP, DOC?

- OH, UH, JUST GRANTING PEOPLE'S WISHES.

- DAFFY, YOU CAN'T STEAL COINS FROM THE FOUNTAIN.

- WELL, THEN, WHERE DO YOU SUGGEST I STEAL THEM FROM?

- I SUGGEST IF YOU NEED MONEY, YOU GET A JOB.

THEY'RE HIRING AT THE ICE CREAM SHOP.

- GIVE ME A JOB APPLICATION.

NAME? ADDRESS? GENDER?

WHAT IS THIS, SOVIET RUSSIA?

YEAH, I DON'T WANT TO WORK HERE ANYWAY,

NOT IN THAT STUPID UNIFORM.

I'LL TAKE A BANANA SPLIT.

UNH. ONE SCOOP VANILLA, ONE SCOOP CHOCOLATE, ONE SCOOP STRAWBERRY.

UNH. PUT THE STRAWBERRY IN THE MIDDLE.

AND NOW, HOT FUDGE. UNH!

ONLY ON THE VANILLA AND CHOCOLATE,

PUT REGULAR FUDGE ON THE STRAWBERRY.

NOW, SOME WHIPPED CREAM.

HEY, HEY, HEY! EASY. LITTLE MORE.

LITTLE MORE. LITTLE MORE ONLY ON THE VANILLA.

KIND OF FILL IN THAT SPACE RIGHT THERE. STOP.

NOW, SOME NUTS.

UNH. NO NUT DUST.

NOW, THIS IS THE COMPLICATED PART.

NO GREEN SPRINKLES ON THE CHOCOLATE.

YES GREEN SPRINKLES ON THE STRAWBERRY.

BUT BOTH NO RED SPRINKLES, EXCEPT ON THE VANILLA,

WHICH SHOULD RECEIVE EXCLUSIVELY RED SPRINKLES.

- THAT'LL BE $5.85.

- I'VE ONLY GOT 16 CENTS.

GET THE REST FROM YOUR TIP JAR.

WHERE DO YOU GET ALL YOUR MONEY?

- I INVENTED THE CARROT PEELER.

- YOU INVENTED THE CARROT PEELER?

- DAFFY, I'VE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES.

- WHERE DO YOU GET ALL YOUR MONEY?

- I INVENTED THE CARROT PEELER!

- WHERE DO YOU GET ALL YOUR MONEY?

- I INVENTED THE CARROT PEELER.

- WHERE DO YOU GET ALL YOUR MONEY?

- I INVENTED THE CARROT PEELER.

[SNARE DRUM] [GUNSHOT]

- SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU INVENTED THE CARROT PEELER,

AND NOW, YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY

WHATEVER YOU WANT WHENEVER YOU WANT?

INVENTING SOMETHING IS THE PERFECT GET-RICH-QUICK SCHEME.

- IT'S NOT A SCHEME.

INVENTION IS 1% INSPIRATION

AND 99% PERSPIRATION.

- WELL, I'M NOT BIG ON SWEATING,

SO I'M JUST GOING TO CUT TO THE CHASE ON THIS ONE.

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING] [DISTANT DOG BARKING]

- HOW'S IT COMING IN THERE?

- I DID IT.

I INVENTED SOMETHING SO SPECTACULAR

THAT EVERY MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD WILL WONDER

HOW THEY EVER SURVIVED WITHOUT IT.

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU WANT BREAD,

BUT YOU DON'T WANT THE WHOLE LOAF?

I CALL IT...

DAFFY DUCK'S EQUALLY SIZED BREAD PIECES.

- THE REST OF THE WORLD CALLS IT SLICED BREAD.

- OK.

YOU KNOW AFTER YOU'VE GONE TO THE BATHROOM,

YOU SOMETIMES WISH YOU HAD SOMETHING TO HELP YOU--

YOU KNOW, CLEAN UP,

LIKE A FLUSHABLE PAPER PRODUCT OF SOME SORT?

- DAFFY, ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU DON'T USE TOILET PAPER?

- MINE WAS GOING TO BE CALLED BUTT PAPER!

- ONCE AGAIN, IT PAYS TO HAVE INVENTED THE CARROT PEELER.

- AHEM.

- OH, SORRY.

- THEY SAY HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.

WELL, WOULDN'T IT BE AMAZING

IF YOU COULD VISIT THE PAST

AND SEE WHAT REALLY HAPPENED FOR YOURSELF?

OF COURSE, TO DO THIS, THERE WOULD NEED TO BE A DEVICE,

A PORTAL IN WHICH YOUR MOLECULAR STRUCTURE WAS BROKEN DOWN

AND THEN REASSEMBLED IN THE EXACT SAME MANNER.

- YOU INVENTED A TIME MACHINE?

- NO. BUT IF THERE WAS SUCH A THING,

AND YOU USED IT A LOT,

YOU'D PROBABLY NEED...

A BIG BOX WITH A HANDLE ON IT TO CARRY YOUR STUFF.

- A SUITCASE.

- EVERYTHING'S BEEN INVENTED.

INVENTING SOMETHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. HOW DID YOU DO IT?

- WELL, FIRST, YOU HAVE TO BE PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING.

- NEXT.

- I HAPPEN TO BE PASSIONATE ABOUT CARROTS.

I PUT ALL MY IDEAS INTO THIS NOTEBOOK,

AND ONE OF THEM TURNED INTO A LITTLE THING CALLED THE CARROT PEELER.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE A CHECK TO DEPOSIT.

[DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS]

- LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE HE'S GOT IN HERE.

[GASPS] AN AUTOMATIC CARROT PEELER?

THAT'S THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA BUGS EVER HAD.

I MEAN, THAT'S THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA I EVER HAD.

[LAUGHS]

- WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

- [QUIET CHUCKLING]

- YOU KNOW, I INVENTED THAT.

OOH. I BETTER GET HOME. THEY'RE DELIVERING MY MASSAGE CHAIR.

- HEY! GET YOUR AUTOMATIC CARROT PEELER.

EXCUSE ME, DARLING.

MAY I INTEREST YOU IN AN AUTOMATIC CARROT PEELER?

- I ALREADY HAVE A CARROT PEELER. IT WORKS GREAT.

- AHA, BUT WITH MY MACHINE,

YOU COULD PEEL CARROTS AT SUPER SPEED,

LEAVING MORE TIME FOR YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER.

- HE'S A BOY. - YES, OF COURSE,

A STRAPPING, MASCULINE BOY.

YOU KNOW, MY MACHINE PEELS HUNDREDS OF CARROTS IN MERE SECONDS.

- WHO WANTS HUNDREDS OF CARROTS? I'M NOT A RABBIT.

YOUR SON LOOKS LIKE A GIRL!

- IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?

DID YOU STEAL MY PLANS FOR THE AUTOMATIC CARROT PEELER?

- [CHUCKLES] LET ME EXPLAIN.

I WAS YOUNG. I NEEDED THE MONEY.

IT'S THE WORST RECESSION SINCE THE GREAT DEPRESSION.

BESIDES, YOU WEREN'T USING IT.

- THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S A DUMB INVENTION.

NO ONE BUT ME EATS ENOUGH CARROTS TO JUSTIFY THE COST OF THIS THING.

[LAUGHS] YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH BUTT PAPER.

- HE'S RIGHT. NO ONE EATS CARROTS.

- EVERYONE IS EATING CARROTS.

A NEW STUDY CAME OUT TODAY TOUTING THEIR EXTRAORDINARY HEALTH BENEFITS.

- OH, THE AUTOMATIC CARROT PEELER IS FLYING OFF THE SHELVES.

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO CARRY THE OLD PEELER ANYMORE.

- YOU HEARD IT HERE, FOLKS.

TIME TO TOSS THAT OLD CARROT PEELER

AND GET THE AUTOMATIC CARROT PEELER.

- THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD FOR MY CHECKING ACCOUNT.

[SIGHS]

- UM, DO YOU HAVE ANY CARROT PEELERS?

- AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

- OHH, NO ONE USES THOSE ANYMORE.

I MEANT AN AUTOMATIC CARROT PEELER.

- HOW MUCH FOR THE MASSAGE CHAIR?

- [SIGHS] $100.

- IS IT BROKEN? - NO.

- IS IT STOLEN? - I JUST BOUGHT IT.

- WHY ARE YOU SELLING IT? - BECAUSE I'M BROKE.

- OH, THAT'S MIGHTY SAD.

I'LL GIVE YOU $1.00.

- [SIGHS]

AREN'T YOU GOING TO TAKE IT WITH YOU?

- NAH. LEAVE IT IN YOUR YARD.

I LIKES MY MASSAGES IN THE GREAT OUTDOORS.

[DISTANT DOG BARKING]

- OH! [LAUGHS]

WHOO-HOO-HOO!

[LAUGHING]

HOO! HOO! I'M RICH! I'M RICH! I'M RICH!

- DAFFY! - I'M--

OH. UH, HEY. WHAT'S UP?

- CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

- OF COURSE.

WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! OOH! HA HA!

- DAFFY, I HAVE TO SELL THE HOUSE.

- IS THIS BECAUSE NO ONE'S BUYING YOUR CARROT PEELER

BECAUSE EVERYONE'S BUYING MY CARROT PEELER?

A CARROT PEELER THAT I STOLE OUT OF YOUR INVENTION NOTEBOOK?

BECAUSE IF IT IS, I FEEL LIKE SOME OF THIS COULD BE MY FAULT.

- IT IS YOUR FAULT.

- THEN LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU. - HOW?

- I'LL BUY YOUR HOUSE. - WHAT?

- YOU WERE THERE FOR ME WHEN I HAD NOTHING.

YOU TOOK ME IN AND PUT A ROOF OVER MY HEAD.

I'M GOING TO DO THE SAME THING FOR YOU.

THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR.

NOTHING WILL CHANGE.

THINGS WILL REMAIN QUID PRO QUO.

- YOU MEAN STATUS QUO.

- AHEM. AS LONG AS YOU LIVE UNDER MY ROOF,

YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT I MEAN.

- I THOUGHT YOU SAID NOTHING WOULD CHANGE.

- UNDER MY ROOF, YOU'LL WATCH YOUR TONE.

- I DIDN'T HAVE A TONE.

- UNH! MY ROOF.

EXCELLENT WORK, GIUSEPPE.

HOW'S WORK AT THE ICE CREAM SHOP?

- IT WAS FINE UNTIL SOME JERK CAME IN

AND ORDERED THE WORLD'S MOST COMPLICATED BANANA SPLIT.

- HEY, I LIKE WHAT I LIKE.

HUH. OOPS. BACK ON THE LADDER, GIUSEPPE. YOU MISSED A SPOT.

AH-AH-AH. NOT ON THE CHAIR. IT'S CALFSKIN.

UH-UH. THAT'S IVORY.

- WELL, WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT IT?

- WHY DON'T YOU PUT IT BACK ON AND MAKE US DINNER,

AND TRY NOT RUINING IT, LIKE YOU DID BREAKFAST?

I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE THAT, GIUSEPPE,

AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE IF YOU'D HAVE BEEN WORKING.

- [GASPS] A CHECK!

FOR DAFFY.

- SON, YOU CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- GUY LIKE YOU WASN'T MEANT TO WEAR AN APRON AND TAKE ORDERS.

- WELL, IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE I HAVE MANY OPTIONS.

- DO I LOOK LIKE I GOT A LOT OF OPTIONS?

I'M NOT SMART, I'M NOT GOOD-LOOKING,

AND I'M ABOUT 19 INCHES TALL.

BUT NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO.

I AM THE KING OF MY CASTLE.

CASTLE'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH, SON.

BUT IF IT'S YOURS AND YOURS ALONE,

IT DON'T MATTER IF IT'S THE TAJ MAHAL

OR A HOLE IN THE GROUND.

- A HOLE IN THE GROUND, HUH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- MASSAGE OIL FOR THE MASSAGE CHAIR.

[GRUNTS]

- MY OLD HOLE IN THE GROUND.

HOW DID I USED TO GET INTO THIS THING?

DIDN'T I HAVE A LADDER OR SOMETHING?

MAYBE IT'S NOT A LONG DROP.

[GRUNTS AND SCREAMS]

OOF!

- BEEN THINKIN' FOR A WHILE

AND THERE'S SOMETHING I GOT TO TELL YOU

- EHH, I'M KIND OF BUSY.

- BEEN THINKIN' THAT OUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER

HAS GROWN SO VERY STRONG

- LOVE? WAIT-- - IT'S PLAIN TO SEE

WE'RE BUILDING OUR WORDS TOGETHER

- UH, BACK UP FOR A MINUTE.

- I'M LOOKIN' IN YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW

AND I CAN TELL YOU FEEL THE SAME

YOU'RE CHOKING ME!

- WE ARE IN LOVE

- I AM SO IN LOVE TODAY

- WE ARE IN LOVE

- I THINK I'M GONNA RUN AWAY

- WE ARE IN LOVE

- DID YOU TAP MY PHONE LINES?

- WE ARE IN LOVE

- YES, I TAPPED YOUR PHONE LINES

- I WON'T LIE, YOU'RE A VERY PRETTY LADY

THANK YOU!

- BUT YOU'RE CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY

YOU MAKE ME WANT TO MOVE TO BOLIVIA - I'LL GO WITH YOU!

- YOU KNOW, I'M THINKING I SHOULD GET A RESTRAINING ORDER

- THOSE ARE SO HARD TO ENFORCE.

- 'CAUSE YOUR CAR WAS PARKED OUTSIDE MY HOUSE

EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK - YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE SWEET.

- YOU'RE THE REASON THAT I HAVE TO KEEP MY SHADES DRAWN

- I'LL WATCH YOU THROUGH THE CHIMNEY.

- I'VE INSTALLED AN ALARM SYSTEM

WITH MOTION BEAM DETECTORS

I HAVE THE CODE. - WE ARE IN LOVE

- GIVE ME JUST 5 MINUTES

- WE ARE IN LOVE

- I THINK THAT WAS 5 MINUTES

- WE ARE IN LOVE

- DID YOU JUST MOVE IN WITH ME?

- WE ARE IN LOVE

- YES, I JUST MOVED IN WITH YOU

- WE ARE IN LOVE

- NO, WE'RE NOT

- THAT WAS OUR FIRST LOVE SONG!

- UGH.

- MY OLD RABBIT HOLE.

A LITTLE DUSTIER THAN I REMEMBER.

[COUGHING]

OK. A LOT DUSTIER.

BUT AT LEAST I'M KING OF MY CASTLE.

THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT.

I DON'T NEED TO SELL A MILLION CARROT PEELERS.

I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED RIGHT HERE.

I'VE GOT A CHAIR, I'VE GOT A LAMP.

I'VE GOT A CHAIR AND A LAMP.

THAT'S ALL ANYONE NEEDS. I LOVE THE FOREST.

[THUNDER]

- UH-OH.

- SALE? WHERE'S THE EXPENSIVE SOUPS?

OOH. MINE-STRONE.

SOUNDS FANCY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE AUTOMATIC CARROT PEELERS?

- TAKING THEM OFF THE SHELVES.

THEY'RE ALL BEING RECALLED.

- WHAT? WHY?

- APPARENTLY, THEY'RE HIGHLY FLAMMABLE

AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.

- THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. I SHOULD KNOW. I'M THE INVENTOR.

- YOU INVENTED THESE THINGS?

I'M GOING TO SUE YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT.

HEY, EVERYBODY! THIS JERK'S RESPONSIBLE

FOR THE AUTOMATIC CARROT PEELER!

- [ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE] - [GASPS]

- [GRUNTS]

- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING CONTINUES]

- I HATE THE FOREST!

AAH!

- BUGS! - DAFFY?

- I KNOW I'VE BEEN A TERRIBLE FRIEND, BUT I NEED YOUR HELP!

THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH THE AUTOMATIC CARROT PEELER!

APPARENTLY, IT'S HIGHLY FLAMMABLE!

- THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! STEP 7 OF MY DESIGN INCLUDED A COOLING SYSTEM!

- STEP 7? I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE STOPPED AT STEP 3!

I JUST GOT SO SLEEPY!

ANYWAY, EVERYONE WANTS THEIR MONEY BACK,

BUT I SPENT ALL THE MONEY,

AND NOW, THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE YOUR HOUSE!

- YOU MEAN YOUR HOUSE!

- I GIVE IT BACK! JUST PLEASE, COME HOME AND FIX EVERYTHING!

- I DON'T KNOW. I KIND OF LIKE IT HERE.

- PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU, PLEASE!

[MUFFLED GRUNT]

- I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES.

- [GASPS]

[THUNDER] [BEEPING]

- YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!

THEY'RE GOING TO LEVEL THE HOUSE!

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- THERE ISN'T TIME!

[BEEPING] [ENGINES REV]

- TAKE 'ER DOWN, BOYS.

- BUGS! HURRY!

WHAT IS IT?

- A TIME MACHINE.

- [GASPS] I'LL GO GET MY SUITCASE!

[BEEPS]

- WAIT!

[SCREAMS]

NO GREEN SPRINKLES ON THE CHOCOLATE.

YES GREEN SPRINKLES ON THE STRAWBERRY.

BUT BOTH NO RED SPRINKLES, EXCEPT ON THE VANILLA,

WHICH SHOULD RECEIVE EXCLUSIVELY RED SPRINKLES.

- THAT'LL BE $5.85.

- I'VE ONLY GOT 16 CENTS.

GET THE REST FROM YOUR TIP JAR.

[WHIRS AND BEEPS]

- IT'S ON ME.

- WHERE DO YOU GET ALL YOUR MONEY?

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

- CAN I BORROW $50?

I NEED A NEW PAIR OF MALL PANTS.

[CLANKING AND WHIRRING]

[BEEPING]

[RAPID BEEPING]

[BUZZES AND WHIRS]

[ELECTRIC CRACKLING]

[WHIRRING]

[BEEPING]

- BEEP BEEP!

[BEEPS]

[WHIRS AND CLANKS]

[WHIRRING]

[CLANKING]

[BEEPING]

- [INDISTINCT GRUNTING]

[WHIRRING]

- MY FELLOW NEANDERTHALS,

I COME FROM THE FUTURE TO BRING YOU

THE KEY TO MODERN CIVILIZATION.

BUTT PAPER!

- [ALL GRUNTING]

- [SCREAMS]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

- AND THAT'S THE END!

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