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1
00:00:03,883 --> 00:00:05,802
All right, Mom. Thanks
for dropping me off.
2
00:00:05,803 --> 00:00:07,514
Shall I wait for you?
3
00:00:07,515 --> 00:00:11,146
No, um, Mohammed's gonna do
his katb-ketab right after prayer, so...
4
00:00:11,147 --> 00:00:13,652
I don't understand.
Why is he getting married before you?
5
00:00:13,653 --> 00:00:15,739
- Okay. I gotta go.
- MAYSA: Hey.
6
00:00:16,166 --> 00:00:18,578
Maybe you can find a girl in there.
7
00:00:18,579 --> 00:00:20,874
I'm not gonna flirt with girls
at the mosque.
8
00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:24,369
Why not?
The girls in there are high quality.
9
00:00:24,455 --> 00:00:27,303
The mosque is for praying,
it's not for picking people up.
10
00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:30,048
It's, like, a bunch of families too,
and you can't just
11
00:00:30,082 --> 00:00:33,775
walk up to a Muslim girl and, like,
start spitting game or something.
12
00:00:33,776 --> 00:00:36,864
What am I supposed to say? Like,
"Hey, can I get your father's number?"
13
00:00:37,067 --> 00:00:38,409
Yes. Why not?
14
00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:40,965
- I-I gotta go. I'm gonna be late.
- [Unintelligible]
15
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:44,714
Ramy, do you want to stay alone forever?
16
00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:47,302
No, Mom, I-I don't.
17
00:00:47,303 --> 00:00:48,842
Just 'cause I'm not with someone doesn't
18
00:00:48,875 --> 00:00:50,433
mean I'm gonna be alone forever, okay?
19
00:00:50,434 --> 00:00:53,858
I-I'm... I'm just figuring it out, okay?
20
00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:56,822
Hey.
21
00:01:03,168 --> 00:01:04,921
[CHATTER]
22
00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,799
[CHATTER]
23
00:01:27,967 --> 00:01:29,680
[WATER RUNNING]
24
00:01:30,932 --> 00:01:32,977
[GARGLING]
25
00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:37,152
[CHATTER]
26
00:02:00,098 --> 00:02:01,120
Halal?
27
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:05,529
Listen, man, I don't know
what you're talking about. I just...
28
00:02:08,423 --> 00:02:10,863
Actually, I think we should just
go catch prayers, 'cause...
29
00:02:40,947 --> 00:02:43,535
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
30
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,917
I think God knows what's in my heart.
I don't think I have to...
31
00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:55,893
[WATER RUNNING]
32
00:02:59,670 --> 00:03:01,215
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
33
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,159
What the...
34
00:03:11,215 --> 00:03:13,219
[MAN CHANTING PRAYERS]
35
00:03:25,053 --> 00:03:27,271
Synced & corrected by reggielist
www.addic7ed.com
36
00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,342
Welcome, beloved... [SPEAKING IN ARABIC]
37
00:03:33,623 --> 00:03:37,475
Today you are here as family
and as intimate companions
38
00:03:38,029 --> 00:03:42,027
to witness the joining
of Mohammed and Yasmeen.
39
00:03:42,862 --> 00:03:44,573
- You're gonna die alone, bro.
- What?
40
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:45,742
- Yeah.
- He's right, Ramy.
41
00:03:45,743 --> 00:03:47,480
- You're running out of options.
- Dude...
42
00:03:47,514 --> 00:03:49,176
There's only two hot
Muslim girls left in town,
43
00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:50,543
and they'll be gone
by the end of the year.
44
00:03:50,544 --> 00:03:52,254
Are you talking about Fatima
and Hadiya, bro?
45
00:03:52,255 --> 00:03:54,175
- AHMED: Yeah.
- They are not hot.
46
00:03:54,176 --> 00:03:56,262
- To me they are.
- You need to get your eyes checked.
47
00:03:56,263 --> 00:03:58,810
Go and get some LASIK. They're not hot.
48
00:03:58,982 --> 00:04:01,147
You need to go outside of the network
if you want to find quality.
49
00:04:01,148 --> 00:04:03,276
Dude, I'm fine. It's not a big deal.
50
00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:05,532
My cousin had to do that.
It took forever, man.
51
00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:07,451
Finally, my aunt found him
a girl in Ohio.
52
00:04:07,452 --> 00:04:09,581
- Look...
- MO: Yeah, but now he lives in Ohio.
53
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,750
Ohio sucks.
54
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,506
- WOMAN: Shh!
- Okay. Sorry. It's just...
55
00:04:13,507 --> 00:04:16,261
Look, you need to find
a girl ASAP, okay?
56
00:04:16,262 --> 00:04:18,933
ASAP. You're getting old, bro,
57
00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:21,271
- and your hairline is not looking good.
- It's fine...
58
00:04:21,272 --> 00:04:23,832
You're gonna be on Muslim Match,
swiping through divorced chicks.
59
00:04:23,975 --> 00:04:25,655
You're gonna be raising
other people's babies.
60
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:28,326
All right, can we just stop, man?
All right? I... There's nothing...
61
00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:30,372
- Bro, it's way worse than I thought.
- RAMY: Listen!
62
00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:33,086
- Stop, stop. It's fine. Listen...
- It's not fine. You got a situation.
63
00:04:33,087 --> 00:04:35,550
- Your curls are not gonna save you.
- RAMY: Okay, listen...
64
00:04:35,551 --> 00:04:37,094
There's only so much they can cover.
65
00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:39,265
I don't have to find a Muslim girl,
all right?
66
00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:40,585
I've actually been
seeing this girl Chloe
67
00:04:40,618 --> 00:04:41,896
for a little bit, and it's going well.
68
00:04:41,897 --> 00:04:44,192
- No! Are you out of your mind?
- He must be!
69
00:04:44,193 --> 00:04:46,154
White girls suck, bro.
You can't keep dating 'em.
70
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:48,241
One, they're always
walking around barefoot.
71
00:04:48,242 --> 00:04:49,870
- That's crazy.
- They have no morals.
72
00:04:49,871 --> 00:04:51,957
- No morals.
- And they're always jumping in stuff.
73
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,920
- Always.
- What do you mean, "jumping in stuff"?
74
00:04:53,921 --> 00:04:56,174
They're just jumping in stuff
that's none of their business, man.
75
00:04:56,175 --> 00:04:59,147
They skinny-dip. You don't want
a wife that skinny-dips.
76
00:04:59,615 --> 00:05:03,014
You want a wife that swims
at normal times, with proper attire.
77
00:05:03,217 --> 00:05:05,527
Not this nakedness.
You need to find someone
78
00:05:05,528 --> 00:05:08,365
who knows where you came from
and what you believe in.
79
00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:10,369
And someone who's hot.
80
00:05:10,370 --> 00:05:11,454
[RAMY SCOFFS]
81
00:05:11,455 --> 00:05:14,711
Just have your parents hook it up.
They keep tabs on everyone.
82
00:05:14,712 --> 00:05:17,049
That's what I did.
It's the best decision I made.
83
00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:18,511
Shh!
84
00:05:18,512 --> 00:05:20,305
I'm sorry, baby.
85
00:05:20,306 --> 00:05:21,851
She's so hot.
86
00:05:21,852 --> 00:05:23,395
My mom did that.
87
00:05:23,396 --> 00:05:26,025
- These guys are idiots.
- Hey.
88
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,821
But everything they said is true.
89
00:05:28,193 --> 00:05:29,575
AHMED: White girls suck.
90
00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:32,582
You don't want to do that.
You don't want to go down that road.
91
00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:36,462
♪ You're sleeping in my bed ♪
92
00:05:36,463 --> 00:05:39,051
♪ Even when I'm not at home ♪
93
00:05:39,052 --> 00:05:41,724
♪ I have to make some money ♪
94
00:05:41,725 --> 00:05:44,366
♪ While you're in sheets all alone ♪
95
00:05:44,367 --> 00:05:46,393
[SILENCE]
96
00:05:51,995 --> 00:05:53,916
[RUSTLING]
97
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,795
- CHLOE: Ramy?
- Um... [CHUCKLES]
98
00:06:18,069 --> 00:06:19,633
- What are you doing?
- I was just...
99
00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:22,137
Are you... Is that the condom
that we just used?
100
00:06:22,138 --> 00:06:25,310
- Yeah, I was just, you know...
- Cleaning it? Or...
101
00:06:25,311 --> 00:06:28,859
I was just checking if there was
any holes in it. You know...
102
00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:30,182
Why would there be a hole?
103
00:06:30,216 --> 00:06:32,408
You ever see the way they ship
these things? It's, like, on a truck.
104
00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:34,746
There's, like, a bunch of dudes.
And, like, who are those dudes?
105
00:06:34,747 --> 00:06:36,374
Like, I don't know them,
you don't know... You know?
106
00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:39,620
So this just... just to make sure
that there isn't a faulty one.
107
00:06:39,654 --> 00:06:42,094
And you do this, like,
every time we have sex?
108
00:06:42,537 --> 00:06:44,684
Yeah, I mean, it just...
it just takes a sec.
109
00:06:45,351 --> 00:06:48,398
I don't know why, but I feel, like,
kind of offended.
110
00:06:48,622 --> 00:06:50,261
Chloe, this doesn't have to
get weird, okay?
111
00:06:50,294 --> 00:06:51,864
Oh, I'm making it weird?
112
00:06:51,865 --> 00:06:53,534
No, no. There's... There's nothing
to worry about.
113
00:06:53,535 --> 00:06:55,202
It's just... It's just so that
we don't have to worry.
114
00:06:55,235 --> 00:06:57,323
Even if, like, something crazy happened,
115
00:06:57,357 --> 00:06:59,432
you know I'm on the Pill, right?
116
00:06:59,466 --> 00:07:02,301
And if the Pill didn't work,
we'd do the responsible thing
117
00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:04,372
and, like, take care of it.
118
00:07:04,441 --> 00:07:07,565
Yeah, but we can't
just take care of it, right?
119
00:07:07,599 --> 00:07:10,067
I mean, we don't even
really know what it is.
120
00:07:10,068 --> 00:07:12,167
I mean, look, I'm-I'm totally
121
00:07:12,201 --> 00:07:14,450
pro women getting to choose
what to do with their bodies.
122
00:07:14,451 --> 00:07:16,955
I am. But I'm Muslim, so I'm just
123
00:07:16,956 --> 00:07:20,982
pro us not having to make that choice.
124
00:07:21,091 --> 00:07:23,259
No, like, you're Muslim, I thought,
in the way that I'm Jewish.
125
00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:25,055
Like, it's a cultural thing.
126
00:07:25,056 --> 00:07:27,102
I didn't know that you were
Musli-‐Muslim.
127
00:07:28,145 --> 00:07:29,606
- YEAH.
- CHLOE: You drink.
128
00:07:29,607 --> 00:07:31,443
Religious Muslims don't drink.
129
00:07:32,278 --> 00:07:34,742
I actually... don't drink.
130
00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:37,365
The other night we out at the bar,
131
00:07:37,399 --> 00:07:39,175
and you bought the entire table drinks.
132
00:07:39,451 --> 00:07:40,872
Yeah, but mine was a Coke.
133
00:07:41,271 --> 00:07:43,207
Tonight I asked you,
"Do you want another glass of wine?"
134
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,720
You were like, "No, I'm at my limit."
135
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,049
Well, I was at my limit.
136
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:48,978
My limit's just none,
137
00:07:49,255 --> 00:07:50,773
'cause I'm Muslim.
138
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,510
Oh. Okay.
139
00:07:52,544 --> 00:07:55,388
So you get girls drunk
140
00:07:55,919 --> 00:07:58,204
and stay sober so you
can sleep with them.
141
00:07:58,205 --> 00:07:59,958
- What?
- That feels kind of date-rape-y.
142
00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:02,589
That's not what I do.
That's not date-rape-y.
143
00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:05,218
If anything, I'm taking alcohol
out of the equation.
144
00:08:05,435 --> 00:08:07,264
I'm like a designated driver.
145
00:08:07,265 --> 00:08:09,101
I'm your... like a-‐ like, a friend.
146
00:08:09,102 --> 00:08:11,691
So why are you hiding
everything from me?
147
00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:14,919
Look, Chloe, it's just...
148
00:08:15,824 --> 00:08:19,371
I've met girls who seem open-minded,
149
00:08:19,372 --> 00:08:21,752
and then they're not.
150
00:08:22,076 --> 00:08:24,423
- And you think that's me.
- No, I... no, I just...
151
00:08:24,424 --> 00:08:28,838
I thought maybe you'd be into the idea
of me being culturally different
152
00:08:28,872 --> 00:08:32,190
but hate that I actually believe in God.
153
00:08:32,691 --> 00:08:34,904
I don't care that you're Muslim.
154
00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:37,784
I care that you've been lying to me.
155
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,832
[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYS]
156
00:09:33,904 --> 00:09:36,694
STEVE: This Muslim Tinder is awesome.
157
00:09:37,445 --> 00:09:40,075
Dude, why did you swipe "no" on her?
158
00:09:40,076 --> 00:09:43,131
You're swiping "no"
on all the girls that have scarves.
159
00:09:43,334 --> 00:09:46,546
- Dude no, it's just, she's not my vibe.
- You're a fuckin' racist.
160
00:09:46,748 --> 00:09:49,343
How is that racist?
Head scarf's not a race,
161
00:09:49,344 --> 00:09:51,123
it's-it's something that people wear.
162
00:09:51,193 --> 00:09:53,011
Oh, I love when they're all covered
163
00:09:53,045 --> 00:09:54,857
from their head to their toe like that.
164
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:58,111
Yo, that mystery is sexy.
That's disgusting.
165
00:09:58,256 --> 00:10:01,201
Have you ever dated a Muslim girl?
166
00:10:02,621 --> 00:10:06,136
No, I haven't, and...
that's-that's why I'm doing this.
167
00:10:06,177 --> 00:10:08,481
I'm trying to meet someone,
you know, different.
168
00:10:08,638 --> 00:10:11,470
- You're such a racist.
- How is that racist, dude?
169
00:10:11,631 --> 00:10:14,490
Islam's not a race,
it's-it's something you believe in.
170
00:10:14,524 --> 00:10:16,280
Oh. You don't believe in shit.
171
00:10:16,623 --> 00:10:18,652
- Right. Don't... Right.
- I don't... I don't like her.
172
00:10:18,653 --> 00:10:21,198
- How do you know? How do you know?
- If I went right, that would be racist.
173
00:10:21,199 --> 00:10:22,785
- You're looking at a picture.
- That would be racist,
174
00:10:22,786 --> 00:10:24,539
- 'cause I don't like her.
- You're looking at a picture.
175
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:27,060
- That's the whole point of this thing.
- You're a shallow fuck.
176
00:10:27,201 --> 00:10:28,631
- Thank you.
- [SIGHS]
177
00:10:33,694 --> 00:10:35,573
[MAYSA CHUCKLES]
178
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,194
Yep, yep.
179
00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:45,549
[DENA CHUCKLES]
180
00:10:49,014 --> 00:10:52,645
You know, uh, Mohammed's katb-ketab
was really nice the other day.
181
00:10:52,974 --> 00:10:54,109
Yeah, she's cute.
182
00:10:54,809 --> 00:10:56,101
Big nose.
183
00:10:59,527 --> 00:11:00,891
FAROUK: [SPEAKS ARABIC]
184
00:11:01,156 --> 00:11:02,691
I thought you were gonna come, Dena.
185
00:11:03,618 --> 00:11:05,079
Nah.
186
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:09,436
Well... it was really cool,
187
00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:13,813
just... seeing him so happy,
you know, that he found someone.
188
00:11:14,103 --> 00:11:16,058
When Allah wills it, it is easy.
189
00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:17,896
[VIDEO GAME BEEPING]
190
00:11:19,817 --> 00:11:21,505
Yeah, so I was thinking...
191
00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:25,160
maybe it's time
that Allah wills it for me.
192
00:11:28,826 --> 00:11:30,461
What? Habibi!
193
00:11:30,677 --> 00:11:33,135
You know, like, to... be with someone?
194
00:11:35,483 --> 00:11:36,912
Are you fucking kidding me?
195
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,025
You had one lonely day
196
00:11:41,026 --> 00:11:43,424
at a wedding, and now you
want Mom to set you up?
197
00:11:43,458 --> 00:11:45,822
- This has nothing to do with you.
- DENA: Of course it does.
198
00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:47,651
If you get married, they're gonna start
199
00:11:47,685 --> 00:11:49,315
putting pressure on me to start a family
200
00:11:49,349 --> 00:11:52,715
and stare at my stomach like
it's the answer to their midlife crisis.
201
00:11:52,998 --> 00:11:55,053
I don't need that shit right now.
Calm down.
202
00:11:55,054 --> 00:11:57,057
- You don't even have a real job.
- RAMY: What?
203
00:11:57,058 --> 00:11:59,513
You do nothing
at a start-up that does nothing.
204
00:11:59,568 --> 00:12:03,807
Habibti, they are starting up.
Give them a chance.
205
00:12:03,841 --> 00:12:05,658
- Thank you, Mom.
- FAROUK: Ramy...
206
00:12:05,888 --> 00:12:06,990
What are you doing?
207
00:12:07,024 --> 00:12:08,496
FAROUK: ...being with a Muslim woman
208
00:12:08,497 --> 00:12:09,666
is not an easy thing.
209
00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:11,880
You have to take her seriously, hmm?
210
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:15,552
She's not like, uh, the others, hmm?
211
00:12:15,724 --> 00:12:18,725
Are you sure you are ready
for something like that?
212
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,919
My little man became a big man!
213
00:12:24,052 --> 00:12:26,490
Bullshit. You're just filling this void
214
00:12:26,491 --> 00:12:29,044
inside of you with a woman,
and it's ruining my life.
215
00:12:29,537 --> 00:12:32,301
Fuck you, Ramy. Stupid bitch.
216
00:12:32,498 --> 00:12:35,248
- MAYSA: Dena!
- I mean, she's... she's out of control.
217
00:12:35,404 --> 00:12:37,221
- So who is she?
- Yeah.
218
00:12:37,889 --> 00:12:39,881
I actually haven't met anyone yet.
219
00:12:39,915 --> 00:12:41,855
I... I thought that you
guys could hook it up.
220
00:12:42,341 --> 00:12:43,427
"Hook it up"?
221
00:12:43,919 --> 00:12:45,654
Yeah. Do you know anyone?
222
00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:46,990
Who do I know?
223
00:12:47,154 --> 00:12:49,552
I don't know anyone.
I know who you know.
224
00:12:49,615 --> 00:12:52,068
We'll find you a girl, whoever you want.
225
00:12:52,669 --> 00:12:55,884
Do you want her covered, uncovered?
You tell me.
226
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:57,804
Um...
227
00:12:59,859 --> 00:13:00,861
uncovered.
228
00:13:01,436 --> 00:13:02,773
Good choice.
229
00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:07,740
- Mom please don't call me that anymore.
- Yeah.
230
00:13:07,972 --> 00:13:10,747
We have to find you one
before you lose your hair like...
231
00:13:19,848 --> 00:13:22,311
[QUIET STRING MUSIC PLAYS]
232
00:13:23,773 --> 00:13:26,069
[HOOKAH BUBBLING]
233
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,225
[COUGHS]
234
00:13:33,208 --> 00:13:36,213
So, have you lived in Jersey
your whole life?
235
00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:38,969
No, no. You're here for her, not me.
236
00:13:38,970 --> 00:13:41,600
I'm just the chaperone.
Pretend I'm not even here.
237
00:13:42,502 --> 00:13:46,367
Okay. Nour, uh, you're from Jersey?
238
00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:48,113
CHAPERONE: Born and raised.
239
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,084
My mom said that, uh,
you're an accountant.
240
00:13:55,276 --> 00:13:58,557
Yeah. My mom said you worked
in a start-up or something.
241
00:13:58,619 --> 00:14:01,180
- Ye-‐
- Too much small talk. More personal.
242
00:14:03,268 --> 00:14:05,062
So how did you pick this restaurant?
243
00:14:05,063 --> 00:14:07,569
You think because I'm Egyptian,
I like to eat Egyptian food?
244
00:14:08,403 --> 00:14:10,370
You know, I just figured you probably
245
00:14:10,404 --> 00:14:12,118
had a lot of homemade Egyptian food,
246
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:15,374
but I really wanted you to taste it
when it's made by...
247
00:14:15,375 --> 00:14:17,086
the Russian guys in the kitchen here.
248
00:14:17,087 --> 00:14:18,306
[LAUGHS]
249
00:14:18,783 --> 00:14:20,343
Yeah, no, the bread here is actually...
250
00:14:20,344 --> 00:14:23,679
- Yo! Fuckin' Ramy! Look at this guy!
JOHNNY: This motherfucker!
251
00:14:23,713 --> 00:14:24,810
JOEY: How you doin'?
252
00:14:24,811 --> 00:14:26,063
JOHNNY: Bro, we haven't
seen you in forever!
253
00:14:26,064 --> 00:14:28,032
- How's it going?
- JOEY: You too good to call my sister?
254
00:14:28,065 --> 00:14:29,904
Get out of here! Yo, how you doin?
255
00:14:29,905 --> 00:14:32,033
My name's Joey. This is Johnny.
How's it going?
256
00:14:32,034 --> 00:14:34,640
- Hi. I'm Nour.
- You guys try the falafels here?
257
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,626
- They're bomb as shit. Come on.
- Bomb as fuckin' shit.
258
00:14:36,627 --> 00:14:38,816
- I wouldn't lie about that.
- Unbelievable. What are you guys up to?
259
00:14:38,849 --> 00:14:41,304
- What's going up?
- Just... hanging out.
260
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:44,234
Ah, no. What you're actually doing
is coming with us to Dante's.
261
00:14:44,268 --> 00:14:46,265
- We got a big group.
- Gonna dance a little bit.
262
00:14:46,299 --> 00:14:48,692
Sure, yeah. Maybe we'll just, like,
meet you there later.
263
00:14:48,861 --> 00:14:50,571
You want to meet these people
at Dante's?
264
00:14:51,573 --> 00:14:53,838
- No, no, no. I-I was just...
- Listen to me.
265
00:14:54,453 --> 00:14:57,083
You don't want to go to Dante's
on a Friday.
266
00:14:57,084 --> 00:14:59,729
What you want to do is go to P. J.'s.
267
00:15:00,486 --> 00:15:02,640
Very hard to get into. Tell the guy
268
00:15:02,674 --> 00:15:04,849
at the door you know Masoud.
269
00:15:05,166 --> 00:15:06,597
- He'll get you in.
- All right, thanks.
270
00:15:06,630 --> 00:15:09,608
You know, it sounds like
it's really hard to get into.
271
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,385
- It is.
- NOUR: And I feel like
272
00:15:11,447 --> 00:15:13,032
they really need you right now.
273
00:15:13,368 --> 00:15:16,923
Yeah, uh, you know, they probably need
a connection to get in.
274
00:15:17,221 --> 00:15:18,626
[SNAPS FINGERS] That's true.
275
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:21,742
It took me many years
to get an "in" at P. J.'s.
276
00:15:21,776 --> 00:15:23,789
- No, no, listen. It's no problem.
- Wait, wait. What's happening?
277
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:26,475
No, no. I insist.
I'll be your chaperone.
278
00:15:26,674 --> 00:15:29,439
- Huh? Let's go.
- Little funny. All right. Okay.
279
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,279
- [CHATTERING]
- JOEY: Be good, Ramy.
280
00:15:33,657 --> 00:15:35,586
Relax a little bit, man.
281
00:15:35,797 --> 00:15:37,893
You're carrying a lot of tension.
282
00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:40,336
You seem like a good guy,
283
00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:43,426
but she's not gonna see the real you
if you're so wound up.
284
00:15:44,345 --> 00:15:45,388
Okay.
285
00:15:47,088 --> 00:15:48,143
- Wow.
- [CHUCKLES]
286
00:15:48,144 --> 00:15:50,439
Oh, so your cousin's a...
287
00:15:50,791 --> 00:15:52,572
- Yeah.
- ...really interesting guy.
288
00:15:53,072 --> 00:15:55,449
He's not really my cousin.
He's just one of those, you know...
289
00:15:55,450 --> 00:15:57,704
- Oh, like an Arab cousin?
- NOUR: Yes.
290
00:15:57,705 --> 00:16:00,502
Yeah, just, like, anyone
that your dad's ever met.
291
00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:04,134
Yeah. His dad fixed my dad's
transmission two years ago, so...
292
00:16:04,135 --> 00:16:07,171
Oh, yeah, no, that's definitely
a cousin. He might even be an uncle,
293
00:16:07,205 --> 00:16:10,062
just 'cause the transmission's
such a big part of the car.
294
00:16:10,063 --> 00:16:12,652
I mean, that's... that's family forever.
295
00:16:15,868 --> 00:16:18,036
RAMY: Look, I know it was terrible,
296
00:16:18,037 --> 00:16:21,773
but the day the Muslim ban happened,
I had a really good day.
297
00:16:21,807 --> 00:16:24,718
- [LAUGHS] Oh, come on.
- Like, personally, you know?
298
00:16:24,752 --> 00:16:27,541
It was just, like, one of those days.
Remember, the weather was great.
299
00:16:27,846 --> 00:16:29,475
I killed it at this meeting.
300
00:16:29,476 --> 00:16:33,025
I found a Metro card
that had $120 on it.
301
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,695
- Okay, wow.
- That doesn't happen.
302
00:16:34,696 --> 00:16:36,323
Yeah, that sounds like
a really good day.
303
00:16:36,324 --> 00:16:38,035
It was weird,
'cause I'm watching the news
304
00:16:38,036 --> 00:16:41,291
and this guy on TV is like, "This
is a terrible day for all Muslims."
305
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:44,827
I'm like, "Well, not all Muslims."
306
00:16:44,861 --> 00:16:48,046
You know what? You're right.
Because I have this, um, uncle
307
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,351
that lives in Libya, and he was
supposed to come live with us,
308
00:16:50,352 --> 00:16:53,816
and then the Muslim ban happened,
and he's still in Libya.
309
00:16:54,018 --> 00:16:56,218
- See? It was a good day for you too.
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
310
00:16:56,338 --> 00:16:57,950
And he was supposed to take my room too.
311
00:16:57,951 --> 00:17:00,393
- Oh! He was gonna make you a refugee?
- [CHUCKLES]
312
00:17:00,963 --> 00:17:03,252
Yeah, and that room is, like,
really important to me.
313
00:17:03,253 --> 00:17:04,938
- 'Course.
- I have a lot of memories in there.
314
00:17:04,971 --> 00:17:06,383
- NSYNC posters.
- Mm.
315
00:17:06,384 --> 00:17:08,345
My dad gave us the sex talk
in that room.
316
00:17:08,346 --> 00:17:10,140
Oh, man. What was yours like?
317
00:17:10,141 --> 00:17:13,313
It was, like, pretty standard
Arab dad talk, you know?
318
00:17:13,314 --> 00:17:15,986
He got us all in the room,
and then he said,
319
00:17:15,987 --> 00:17:19,284
"Girls, no boys. Boys, no boys,"
320
00:17:19,285 --> 00:17:21,162
- and then he just walked out the room.
- Wow.
321
00:17:21,163 --> 00:17:23,292
That's, like, really efficient.
It's, like, everything,
322
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,423
but he found a way to just...
zone in on it.
323
00:17:26,947 --> 00:17:30,306
So, for something my mom helped
set up, this wasn't too bad.
324
00:17:30,307 --> 00:17:33,478
Yeah. I mean, Tinder doesn't really
have shit on our moms.
325
00:17:33,479 --> 00:17:35,108
[LAUGHS]
326
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:42,205
We should do this again.
Yeah, definitely.
327
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:45,921
NOUR: Right?
328
00:17:51,401 --> 00:17:52,810
Get home safe, okay?
329
00:17:53,687 --> 00:17:55,566
What, I don't get a good-night kiss?
330
00:17:56,568 --> 00:17:59,511
I just... I wasn't sure if you did that.
331
00:17:59,681 --> 00:18:02,045
- If I kissed?
- I mean, I'm sure you kiss.
332
00:18:02,079 --> 00:18:04,626
I just didn't know if, you know,
because we're, like, a...
333
00:18:23,404 --> 00:18:24,904
Let's get in my car.
334
00:18:25,661 --> 00:18:26,857
Okay.
335
00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:34,519
[BOTH MOANING, PANTING]
336
00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:45,414
Whoa, whoa. [CHUCKLES]
337
00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:47,263
- You all right?
- Yeah.
338
00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:48,950
Okay, good.
339
00:18:50,341 --> 00:18:51,969
Do you have a condom?
340
00:18:51,970 --> 00:18:54,266
Uh, yeah, but, um... [CHUCKLES]
341
00:18:55,623 --> 00:18:58,231
- What, you don't want to have sex?
- Yeah, but I-I...
342
00:18:58,232 --> 00:19:01,322
I didn't know if-if you could, you know,
just 'cause we're not married.
343
00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:04,285
Oh, I-I didn't even know
you were that strict.
344
00:19:04,286 --> 00:19:07,333
I mean, yeah, we can get married.
Um, my cousin does, like,
345
00:19:07,334 --> 00:19:09,797
nikahs over the phone if you want to do,
like, a temporary marriage.
346
00:19:09,798 --> 00:19:11,424
- There's this imam she uses...
- No, no, no. I'm not...
347
00:19:11,425 --> 00:19:13,178
I don't think we should try and, like,
trick God or whatever.
348
00:19:13,179 --> 00:19:14,506
I just think maybe we should,
349
00:19:15,756 --> 00:19:16,936
you know, slow down?
350
00:19:17,381 --> 00:19:19,398
- Oh, okay. Yeah, we can take it slow.
- Yeah?
351
00:19:19,538 --> 00:19:20,693
- Yeah, of course.
- Okay.
352
00:19:20,694 --> 00:19:22,697
- Yeah there are other things we can do.
- Okay.
353
00:19:22,814 --> 00:19:23,814
NOUR: Yeah.
354
00:19:34,388 --> 00:19:35,677
Yeah, right there.
355
00:19:36,852 --> 00:19:38,062
Yeah.
356
00:19:39,398 --> 00:19:41,318
[PANTING]
357
00:19:42,233 --> 00:19:43,699
Choke me while I finger myself.
358
00:19:45,178 --> 00:19:47,163
- What?
- I want you to choke me.
359
00:19:49,627 --> 00:19:51,964
- Um...
- Use both hands.
360
00:19:52,264 --> 00:19:54,344
Um... okay.
361
00:19:54,888 --> 00:19:56,181
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
362
00:19:57,183 --> 00:19:58,520
- Okay.
- Harder.
363
00:20:00,202 --> 00:20:01,256
Okay.
364
00:20:01,358 --> 00:20:03,069
Like, actually harder.
It's not a massage.
365
00:20:03,155 --> 00:20:05,365
Yeah, yeah, okay. Um...
366
00:20:05,366 --> 00:20:08,079
NOUR: Yeah. [GRUNTING]
367
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,876
[MOANING]
368
00:20:13,194 --> 00:20:14,196
I...
369
00:20:15,303 --> 00:20:16,723
[GASPING]
370
00:20:17,193 --> 00:20:18,904
No, no. Hey.
371
00:20:19,061 --> 00:20:20,178
NOUR: Don't stop.
372
00:20:20,856 --> 00:20:22,274
- What?
- I don't want to do this.
373
00:20:22,275 --> 00:20:24,696
- No, what? Why?
- I'm not into choking. I don't...
374
00:20:24,697 --> 00:20:26,366
I don't want to choke you.
375
00:20:26,367 --> 00:20:27,601
Oh, God.
376
00:20:29,164 --> 00:20:31,459
- God, you're so full of shit.
- What?
377
00:20:34,420 --> 00:20:35,789
It's not the choking that's the problem.
378
00:20:35,822 --> 00:20:37,096
Look, it's just our first date,
379
00:20:37,097 --> 00:20:38,849
and I feel like maybe
this is happening...
380
00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:40,688
What, you don't hook up
on the first date?
381
00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,151
Yeah, that's what I thought.
382
00:20:44,152 --> 00:20:47,511
Look, this is, like, just throwing me
for a loop a little bit.
383
00:20:47,545 --> 00:20:49,569
I didn't think that a girl like you
was gonna want to, like...
384
00:20:49,602 --> 00:20:51,006
A girl like me?
385
00:20:53,709 --> 00:20:55,308
Look, we had this, like,
really nice night,
386
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:58,346
and you felt weirded out
by the idea of kissing me.
387
00:20:58,347 --> 00:21:00,225
I get it if you don't want to
have sex, but...
388
00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,605
I'm, like, in this
little Muslim box in your head,
389
00:21:02,606 --> 00:21:06,572
and I'm the wife
or the mother of your kids, right?
390
00:21:06,573 --> 00:21:08,159
I'm not supposed to cum.
391
00:21:09,453 --> 00:21:10,705
Okay, I'll choke you.
392
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:12,175
- God just get out of my car.
- No, I-‐
393
00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:13,586
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
394
00:21:13,587 --> 00:21:15,731
[ENGINE STARTS]
395
00:21:15,765 --> 00:21:17,018
Just...
396
00:21:21,005 --> 00:21:23,121
[SAD MUSIC PLAYS]
397
00:21:59,469 --> 00:22:01,223
I don't know what I'm doing, man.
398
00:22:02,932 --> 00:22:04,392
Like... [CHUCKLES]
399
00:22:04,479 --> 00:22:08,473
I look at my parents
and how strong they are
400
00:22:08,551 --> 00:22:11,465
and how they just know
everything's gonna be okay, always,
401
00:22:12,074 --> 00:22:13,121
'cause they have God.
402
00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:17,088
And I believe in God.
403
00:22:18,957 --> 00:22:21,221
I really do, man.
There's too many signs.
404
00:22:22,473 --> 00:22:25,551
Like, one time this girl texted me
405
00:22:26,285 --> 00:22:29,279
two minutes after I jerked off
to her Facebook photo.
406
00:22:30,114 --> 00:22:32,535
We didn't talk for months,
and then out of nowhere,
407
00:22:32,536 --> 00:22:33,903
she texted me "'Sup?"
408
00:22:35,918 --> 00:22:38,548
Like, you're gonna tell me
this shit isn't all connected?
409
00:22:42,598 --> 00:22:44,059
I know it is.
410
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,024
And, yeah, I have sex
even though I'm not married,
411
00:22:48,025 --> 00:22:51,740
and I'm probably gonna
try mushrooms one day.
412
00:22:51,741 --> 00:22:53,953
So what? That means I'm
not a good Muslim?
413
00:22:53,954 --> 00:22:56,249
Like, I can't do it
'cause I don't follow
414
00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:59,296
all the rules and the fucking judgments
415
00:22:59,297 --> 00:23:02,805
that are always just being put on us?
416
00:23:04,099 --> 00:23:05,560
And then...
417
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:09,901
I do the same thing.
418
00:23:09,902 --> 00:23:13,660
I put the same fucking judgments
on everyone around me.
419
00:23:17,417 --> 00:23:21,759
I'm just, like, trying to be... good.
420
00:23:27,478 --> 00:23:29,148
Do you...
421
00:23:29,149 --> 00:23:33,157
Do you really think God cares
if I wash between my toes?
422
00:23:42,539 --> 00:23:44,335
You jerk off too much.
423
00:23:45,529 --> 00:23:46,908
It's no good.
424
00:23:48,772 --> 00:23:50,191
No good at all.
425
00:23:53,086 --> 00:23:55,132
And wash between your toes.
426
00:23:57,455 --> 00:23:59,458
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
427
00:23:59,459 --> 00:24:01,480
[BITTERSWEET MUSIC PLAYS]
428
00:24:29,603 --> 00:24:31,565
♪ Daylight sun born on a Sunday ♪
429
00:24:31,566 --> 00:24:33,610
♪ Pray right and soar to the sun rays ♪
430
00:24:33,611 --> 00:24:35,531
♪ See how, no me, just we now ♪
431
00:24:35,532 --> 00:24:37,535
♪ For you, all the dues that I can pay ♪
432
00:24:37,536 --> 00:24:39,581
♪ The whole world wanna
bathe in the champagne ♪
433
00:24:39,582 --> 00:24:41,501
♪ Be wild, so cheap and free now ♪
434
00:24:41,502 --> 00:24:44,131
♪ Can't lead but blame all the
campaigns, what a damn shame ♪
435
00:24:44,132 --> 00:24:45,551
♪ Whole game really manmade ♪
436
00:24:45,552 --> 00:24:47,429
♪ But our mother made us,
I will motivate us ♪
437
00:24:47,430 --> 00:24:49,433
♪ If a brother say
you will never live another day ♪
438
00:24:49,434 --> 00:24:51,980
♪ Be a man with a brave soul,
get a hold of your own space ♪
439
00:24:51,981 --> 00:24:54,276
♪ No one will save you,
you're my favorite ♪
440
00:24:54,277 --> 00:24:56,280
♪ Be modest, we're no saviors ♪
441
00:24:56,281 --> 00:24:59,369
♪ But you shine in a space that might
awaken many in a blinder day ♪
442
00:24:59,370 --> 00:25:01,207
♪ So pray you can find a way to say ♪
443
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:04,379
[CHORUS SINGS SOFTLY IN BACKGROUND]
444
00:25:04,380 --> 00:25:06,217
♪ I call my son Sun
cuz he shine like one ♪
445
00:25:06,218 --> 00:25:08,179
♪ Call my son Sun cuz
he shine like one ♪
446
00:25:08,180 --> 00:25:10,266
♪ Call my son Sun
cuz he shine like one ♪
447
00:25:10,267 --> 00:25:12,145
♪ Call my son Sun cuz
he shine like one ♪
448
00:25:12,146 --> 00:25:14,024
♪ Call my son Sun
cuz he shine like one ♪
449
00:25:14,025 --> 00:25:16,279
♪ Yeah, I call my son Sun
cuz he shine like one ♪
450
00:25:24,630 --> 00:25:26,633
♪ Nighttime son born on a Sunday ♪
451
00:25:26,634 --> 00:25:28,720
♪ I write rhymes
so I stay in my right mind ♪
452
00:25:28,721 --> 00:25:30,683
♪ Two aunts that will say
you are night's eye ♪
453
00:25:30,684 --> 00:25:32,687
♪ And the right mom,
as a kind, we are quite blind ♪
454
00:25:32,688 --> 00:25:34,064
♪ What a sight, you are right ♪
455
00:25:34,065 --> 00:25:36,151
♪ I'm on another plane going
to its' heights climb ♪
456
00:25:36,152 --> 00:25:38,030
♪ And when I hit the stage,
laying in the light lime ♪
457
00:25:38,031 --> 00:25:40,326
♪ I'm a young man, grown,
when I fight time ♪
458
00:25:40,327 --> 00:25:43,750
♪ Old wisdom, young fathers
don't listen at all ♪
459
00:25:43,751 --> 00:25:46,255
♪ Picture me as your soldier,
your martyr ♪
460
00:25:46,256 --> 00:25:48,342
♪ Your soul is my honor ♪
461
00:25:48,343 --> 00:25:50,764
♪ You go, boy! Hear that? You go, boy! ♪
462
00:25:50,765 --> 00:25:52,350
♪ In a don't-be-you ploy ♪
463
00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:55,273
♪ Pray that it won't be cruel, boy,
don't do it if it doesn't feel true ♪
464
00:25:55,274 --> 00:25:56,860
♪ Be you, boy! ♪
465
00:25:56,861 --> 00:25:58,740
♪ [CHILD COOS] ♪
37123
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