Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Going down the rabbit hole

Where we're going no one knows

Obstacles 'round every bend

Let's see where the tunnel ends

You turn, Squeaks.

(SQUEAKING TRIUMPHANTLY)

Pretty sneaky, Squeaks.

But let's see how you handle going face-to-face with my Pegasus.

(TRUMPET BLARING)

It is I, Sir Littlechin.

I am hunting a unicorn.

Have you seen one?

No, we haven't seen a unicorn.

You do know what a unicorn looks like, don't you?

Yes, we know what a unicorn looks like.

It's basically a horse with a horn on its head.

-You mean like this? -(CLANKING)

Now, why don't you take your little toy horn

and look for more imaginary creatures somewhere else.

Unicorn? Of course I haven't seen a unicorn, because they don't...

A unicorn!

(SQUEAKING)

Well, what do you know? These things really do exist.

(SQUEAKING)

Are you saying that if you touch a unicorn it will grant you a wish?

(GNAWING)

Ah.

I don't believe it!

She does grant wishes.

Now let's see if you can pull this off.

I wish I had a purple scooter

ridden by an opera-singing hippo.

(SINGING OPERA)

Well, what do you know? It's true.

(TRUMPET BLARING)

We can't let him see you!

I wish you were hidden.

Make way! Where is it? Where is the unicorn?

I just saw a singing hippo on a scooter,

so I know a unicorn is around here somewhere!

Eh, maybe you've been hitting the mutton a little too hard lately?

Look, naysayer, you may not know it,

but a unicorn can grant any wish you might desire.

I wish to capture the unicorn so that I might become

the greatest knight in all the land!

Sure, Doc. We've seen a unicorn.

Follow me.

I'm almost sure we saw a unicorn right over this hill.

Or maybe it was that hill. Hmm.

(NEIGHING)

Hey! Isn't that Merlin the magician?

Merlin you say? Where?

That scoundrel made my girlfriend disappear, and he didn't even use magic.

(ANNOYED SQUEAKING)

(GRUNTING)

(SQUEAKS WHISTLING)

(SQUEAKING)

Hey, Mac, is that what you're looking for?

LITTLECHIN: Oh, there it is!

Tally-ho!

A-ha! I wish to be the greatest knight in all the land!

(SNORTING)

(LITTLECHIN SCREAMING)

(SLURRING) That wasn't a unicorn.

(RUMBLING)

Huh?

Oh, whew! I thought it was an earthquake,

but it's just that squirrel sitting atop a growing pile of nuts!

Wait a minute.

That's more nuts than any squirrel could wish for!

Wish for? The unicorn!

-(GIGGLING) -Squeaks, what were you thinking?

A-ha! The unicorn!

No unicorns here, Doc.

-(GIGGLING) -(GROWLING)

(NEIGHING)

(BOTH GROWLING)

I wish I had a bejeweled sword to slay this rabbit!

BUGS: Yipes!

I wish your sword was a chicken!

(CLUCKING LOUDLY)

I wish I had a mace!

BUGS: I wish you were wearing a dress and high heels!

(EXCLAIMS) Oh, blast! I broke a heel!

-I wish this rabbit was a fly! -(BUZZING)

I wish you forgot what you were gonna wish for!

Gadzooks! I've forgotten my wish.

And it was going to be great and really mean.

Wait, I know! I wish I rembered my wish.

-I wish you forgot. -Rember!

-Forgot. -Rember.

-Forgot! -Rember!

I wish you had a tiny helmet!

(STRAINING) I wish you were being chased by a hungry ogre.

Oh, yeah? Well...

BOTH: I wish you couldn't do wishes anymore!

-BOTH: Ha! -(OGRE YELLING)

Did that ogre wish go through before or after

the "couldn't do wishes anymore" wish happened?

(GRUNTING) Me hungry!

I'd say before. I'd get a move on, Doc.

I wouldn't stick around to see how this goes ogre!

(SCREAMING)

Wait for me! Wait!

-(SCREAMING) -Food in dress.

-Yipes! -Ah!

Oh, no! He's got us uni-cornered.

Hey, wait! Don't we get a last meal?

Last meal? You my next meal!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(SQUEAKING)

(GRUNTING)

(MEOWING)

Great job, Squeaks!

A-ha, yes. This tiny tree rat saved our lives!

-He's not a rat, he's a squirrel. -(SQUEAKS GROWLING)

What's the difference?

(HIGH PITCHED VOICE) Oh! That's the difference.

(GROWLING)

Oh, King Arthur's court! I've got to go!

(LITTLECHIN SCREAMING)

Looks like Sir Littlechin finally got what he wished for.

And you won't have to worry about him chasing you anymore, unicorn.

You know what?

You've been granting all our wishes, but no one has asked you what you want.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

What do you know? That was gonna be my next wish.

When I got this free trip to Ireland, I thought it was too good to be true.

SHAMELESS: Top o' the morning to you, Mr. Bunny!

I'm glad you got me invitation

for this all-expenses-paid tour of me motherland!

I'm Shemalley O'Shaughnessy.

I'll be your tour guide on the Emerald Isle.

Sounds good, Shemalley O'Shaughnessy.

SHAMELESS: Samuel Beckett's bunions!

There they are, Shameless.

Those monstrous, lucky rabbit's feet!

I can't believe that bunny fell for me free-trip ruse.

BUGS: Who are you talking to?

Just organizing my thoughts for today's tour.

He may tower over me now, but when he goes home, he'll be a couple of feet shorter!

Your tour begins here.

Wow, is this one of those meadows I read about in the travel brochure?

Yes, it's an Irish tradition for visitors to run through our vast, lush, dense fields!

Last one in is a soggy biscuit!

Whee! Whoo-hoo!

La, la, la! I'm frolicking!

Once he puts even the daintiest tootsie in one of those bear traps

that I hid in the meadow... Snap!

Then those rabbit feet and all of their luck will be mine! (SCREAMS)

What a great walk, Doc.

And look, I found this.

I don't really need this luck, since I've got these big feet anyway.

Jumpin' James Joyce! I need that luck!

-Oscar... -(BEAR TRAP SNAPS)

-Wilde's... -(BEAR TRAP SNAPS)

-Warts! (SCREAMING) -(BEAR TRAP SNAPS)

Think I left all my luck back there.

The second stop on your tour of Ireland is the Blarney Stone.

If you want the gift of gab, you need to kiss it.

Okay, Doc.

And when you kiss it, you'll trigger the dynamite I've rigged to it

and I'll blow you to kingdom come.

Leaving, of course, your lucky feet for old Shameless O...

All done! Easy peasy.

You kissed it already? Oh, Michael Flatley's flat feet!

(GRUNTING)

I don't understand!

It's all rigged up correctly.

(KISSING)

Huh?

(KISSING)

Argh!

-(WHISTLING) -(KISSING)

(IN IRISH ACCENT) I can give it a look, if you'd like!

-Yes, please. -(MUTTERING)

-Ah, here's your problem, Doc. -Is it serious?

Parts and labor, you're look at 200 euro.

What? This is highway robbery!

(CLATTERING)

When I give you the signal, try again!

This better work after what I paid you.

Okay, go!

(KISSING)

(EXPLOSION)

(GRUNTING)

Now I have the gab... (GRUNTS)

SHAMELESS: The next stop on your tour is this here quaint bed and breakfast.

There is nothing finer than Irish hospitality.

So I figured I'd tuck you in here and let you catch 40 whacks...

I mean, winks.

That's great, Doc, but this sheet doesn't cover my feet.

Oh, that's another Irish tradition.

No one in Ireland sleeps with their feet covered.

If you say so, Doc. But if I'm gonna fall asleep,

you need to read me a bedtime story.

(GROANING) All right, rabbit.

"Once upon a time, there was a knight, and this knight was in pursuit of a griffin..."

(YAWNING)

"What a lot of people don't realize, is that griffins are perfectionists..."

(SNORING)

Aw, poor little goblin fell asleep.

Lullaby

- And goodnight -(TUCKING IN TIGHTLY)

-(GRUNTING)- Go to sleep little goblin

Tuck you in tight Oh so very tight

But I'll leave your feetsies exposed

Shh.

Let him sleep, little creep

'Cause I'm onto his scheme

(SLAMS)

Pierce Brosnan's big toe!

(GRUNTING)

Oh, did I wake you up?

(STRUGGLING) Blimey! I'm tucked in so tight I can hardly move!

Whoa! Get me outta here, rabbit.

Why? So you can try to get my lucky rabbit's feet, Shameless?

You're on your own, Doc.

SHAMELESS: Come back here, you...

Nobody knows Ireland better than Shameless O'Scanty!

-Stop! -Okay.

(STRAINING) Smart move, rabbit.

You can't take... Feet!

Would you be so kind as to take one step towards me?

Sorry, buddy, looks like you came up short.

Colin Farrell's infection!

Bono, that hurt.

BUGS: (IN IRISH ACCENT) There you are, my missing sheep!

-Huh? -I've been looking all over for you!

Off you go now!

(EXCLAIMS)

BUGS: Get into the weavery!

-The weavery? -Yeah, it's an Irish tradition! In you go!

(GRUNTING)

-First, we shear your wool. -No! No, no, no, no.

-Hold still! -(RAZOR BUZZING)

If you wiggle, I may wind up ripping your tail!

There you are, clean as an Irish spring.

-Speaking of clean, let's wash you up. -(SCREAMING)

Now to the loom!

When you are in Ireland watch the friends you meet

Never trust a leprechaun trying to steal your feet

But if you are in Ireland sing this weaving song

ALL: 'Cause everyone in Ireland loves to sing along

-Rabbit! Get me out of here! -Forgot to button his lip.

And so, we conclude our tour of Ireland

with this excellent example of traditional Irish clothing.

Sheesh, I went on a free trip to Ireland and all I got was this lousy sweater?

Going down the rabbit hole

Where we're going no one knows

Obstacles 'round every bend

Let's see where the tunnel ends

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