Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Going down that rabbit hole

Where we going no one knows

Obstacles 'round every bend

Let's see where the tunnel ends

-(THUDS) -(GRUNTS)

Oh, this wasn't here the last time I popped through.

How nice!

Someone put a swimming pool for us weary travelers

to relax and cool off.

(SPLASH)

Welcome to the grand opening of the Briarwood Resort,

my finest hotel yet.

(CROWD APPLAUDS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Now it's time to break it in.

-Welcome... (GRUNTS) -(CROWD CHATTERS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Leslie, I need you to stay here and keep an eye on the grounds,

especially the new multimillion-dollar fountain.

But I'm the vice president of the hotel.

Shouldn't I come to the opening party?

Leslie, you're not on the Board of Trustees.

Yes, right as always, Bernie.

-But I... -Please, call me Mr. Briarwood.

Yes, Mr. Briarwood... (GRUMBLES)

-Oh, and Leslie... -Yes?

Remember the inaugural fountain display at 4:00 p.m. today.

Yes, of course, I wouldn't...

Miss it.

Ten years in business school

to guard a fountain!

(IN A SING-SONG VOICE) Singing in the bathtub, eating lots of cheese...

Excuse me, might I have a word with you?

-Sure, what's up, Doc? -(EXCLAIMS) Ha! Got you!

-Fountain vermin! -Vermin?

Fountain? What are you talking about?

It's my job to protect this fountain

from scum like you.

-Scum? -And as soon as Mr. Briarwood witnesses my dedication,

the key to the executive washroom will be mine.

Look, I didn't realize this was a fountain.

So, I'll just be on my way. Fountains are full of bacteria, you know.

(EXCLAIMS) Oh, you're not getting off that easily.

You're coming with me. Now, get in the net, big ears.

Sure thing, Doc. Since you asked so politely.

(SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

Come on. Contact.

-Are you ready? -But I...

It's your time to swim the butterfly.

(SCREAMS)

-(EXCLAIMS) -Uh, no time for messing around now.

-We have a race to finish. Here, put this on. -Oh!

And this, and this.

Now get out of here. You're our clutch, the team is counting on you.

(BUBBLING)

(GRUMBLES)

Where did that rabbit go?

-He had me call him a cab. -Then call me a cab!

Okay. You're a cab.

No! I meant, call me a taxi.

Okay. You're a taxi.

Tell me we're not gonna do this right now.

-We're not gonna do this right now. -Great.

Then just call me a cab, please.

-You're a cab, please. -Oh! Come on!

Just get me a taxi!

Sorry, I'm on break. Call yourself a taxi.

Fine, I'm a taxi.

With the whistle, genius.

Yeah, of course! How foolish of me. (BLOWS)

This thing is busted. (BLOWS)

(DOGS BARK IN DISTANCE)

(DOGS BARK)

Huh?

Back off! (SHOUTING)

(DOGS BARKING)

Wow, that's really gonna hound him.

He should have let sleeping dogs lie.

He's really going to the dogs.

His bark was always worse than his...

(SCREAMS) Hey!

You're not gonna believe this,

but I was just talking about you.

(GROWLS)

(CRASHING)

(GRUNTS)

Can't catch me.

Hey!

(BOTH SHOUTING)

(BUGS LAUGHING)

Gotcha!

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

Over here, fellas.

Got you! And I'm not falling for this whistle bit again.

(DOGS BARKING)

(GROWLS)

Clearly, that guy has a lot of baggage.

-(GRUNTS) -Get lost, Charlie.

Enough is enough!

The Board of Trustees! No, no! It's 4:00 p.m.

I've got to get that rabbit, or I'll never get the key to the executive washroom.

A-ha! No more funny bunny.

BRIARWOOD: Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Briarwood Fountain.

BOTH: Whoa!

Leslie!

That look like it hurt.

Why you...

(BOTH SHOUT)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, B. Up here!

Take that, rabbit.

Oh!

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

(SHOUTS)

(MUMBLING INDISCERNIBLY)

CROWD: Ooh.

CROWD: Ah!

(GROANS LOUDLY)

Congratulations, Mr. Bunny.

A fountain display like that is going to put Briarwood Resort on the map.

Welcome to the Board of Trustees.

Here's your key to the executive washroom.

Aww! thanks, Doc.

But, what about me, Mr. Briarwood?

A token for my value to this great resort, perhaps?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Of course, Leslie!

You'll need access to the executive washroom as well.

LESLIE: I hate that rabbit.

(SINGING) Going down the rabbit hole

Where we're going no one knows

Hey, a penny! Must be my lucky day... Ow! (BONES CRACK)

My back! Oh, man!

Is that the sound of bones misaligning?

How wonderful. (GRINDS TEETH)

-Oh, dear. Let me help. -Uh, that's okay, lady.

I just need to call a doctor.

-Ow! -Nonsense.

Step inside and we'll have you feeling better in no time.

All I need is a phone, so I can call a doctor.

All the healing you need, is right here at Ivona's Healing Arts and Yoga Center.

I am Ivona Twist-your-head-off.

In this place of peace, we concentrate on yoga

and meditation to mend the mind and body.

Yeah...

I can have you fixed in a jiffy,

for a nominal fee. (GRINDS TEETH)

A nominal fee, huh? (GRINDS TEETH)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure I'm gonna be fine.

Excellent. Chakra alignment is the first step.

That's just a small fee.

-Hey, wait! -We breathe deep and...

-No, really, I... -Exhale!

Hey, that's not too bad.

I am you...

You are me...

Maybe, we can be a little more you now?

Nope, that's worse.

Oh, well, the realignment fee is much more costly.

But it's well worth it.

-Yoga is all about balance. -Yikes!

-And finding your center. -(EXCLAIMS) Ow.

You know, my back feels pretty good.

Hey! That's a lot of money.

I know! And such a generous tip.

-Feel free to stay for the rest of the class... -Oh, I'm staying.

'Cause it's not just my back that needs a good straightening out.

We'll begin by finding our center using salutations.

So, let's begin in a Giant Baby

and transition into a Drop My Pencil.

-Really engage the back half of the body. -(PASSING WIND)

(CLASS LAUGHS)

Turtle did it.

And now, we're moving slowly into a Hummus Platter.

Really working the gluttonous.

(PASSING WIND)

-BUGS: Turtle did it. -(CLASS LAUGHS)

-Focus, please. -(PASSING WIND)

-(CLASS LAUGHS) -Turtle.

-Now, let's quietly transition into the Praying Mantis... -(PASSING WIND)

That one was me, totally normal.

-(PASSING WIND LOUDLY) -(ANGRILY) Silence!

(CLASS LAUGHS)

Transition into the How Am I Going To Do This? position.

(PASSING WIND)

Who is doing that?

(MIMICS PASSING WIND)

(CLASS LAUGHS)

(GRINDS TEETH)

-(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) The turtle did it? -(PASSING WIND)

Uh, the Turtle really did do it that time.

(IN SLOW MOTION) I'm

still doing it...

(TEETH CLATTER)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Yes, that's it. Breathe and relax.

Okay, class. Time to clear the air and move on.

You ain't kidding, lady.

To regain our focus, we will use a mantra,

the phrase of affirmation to repeat.

Let's give it a try.

Am I doing this right?

Am I doing this right?

Well, you can't really do it wrong. You just need to pick a mantra.

This is my mantra.

You said I can pick anything.

Am I doing this right?

Am I doing this right?

Am I doing this right?

Am I doing this right?

No! That's wrong!

(GRUNTS)

Row...

Row...

One, two, three, four...

(SINGING) Uh, row, row, row your boat

Uh, row, row, row your boat...

ALL: Gently down the stream

ALL: Row, row, row your boat...

ALL: Row, row, row your boat...

ALL: Gently down the stream...

ALL: Merrily, merrily...

(GRUNTS) We are clearly getting off course here.

BUGS: Conga line.

ALL: Hey, cha, cha, cha, cha!

We need to center

-and focus! -Freestyle!

(SCREAMS) I said, focus!

Is anyone listening to me?

I think someone needs to relax.

(GRUNTS) I can't take it!

(BREATHS HEAVILY)

(TEETH CLATTER)

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Well, that's all the time we have for today.

Class over, time to leave.

Oh, I can't leave now. I just found my center.

I believe your center is outside the door.

Nope, it's right here, with the rest of my life.

Oh, nonsense. Here, let me help you.

The leaning lotus blows with the wind.

(SCREAMS) Get out!

You've really opened my eyes to the serenity.

(EXCLAIMS)

-Ah! Such a nice stretch! -(STRUGGLING)

(CRASH)

Okay, fine. You win. Here, here's a full refund.

Take it, just never come back.

With pleasure.

You know, it's hard to learn peace from someone who is going to pieces.

(GRINDS TEETH)

(GROANS)

Oh! Would you look at that? A penny!

-(BONES CRACKING) -(GROANS)

Going down the rabbit hole

Where we're going no one knows

Obstacles 'round every bend

Let's see where the tunnel ends

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