Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Going down the rabbit hole

Where we're going no one knows

Obstacles 'round every bend

Let's see where the tunnel ends

Ah, a beautiful day for...

TANIA: Watch out, Leslie.

-MAN: Try to keep up, Leslie. I need you to hold these. -(GROANS)

(WHINING) But I wanna play. I want a silver jacket.

TANIA: (SCOFFS) You're not silver-jacket caliber, Leslie.

We figured you'd just tag along, you know? You're the caddie.

But I'm the vice president of the company.

TANIA: If you wanna tee it up with the big dogs, Leslie, get a partner

and let's play!

(SCOFFS) You're on, Tania.

Now, I just got to find someone I can beat the pants off of,

get that jacket and start to get taken seriously around here.

BUGS: Hmm.

This miniature golf course ain't so miniature.

Where are all the windmills, the waterfalls, the clown with the giant mouth?

(LOUDLY) Excuse me!

Oh, there he is.

I couldn't help noticing that you seem to be all by your lonesome.

Would you care to join me and my colleagues in a foursome?

Oh, how kind! I'd be happy to.

Excellent! We're all about to tee off.

Well, look at me! Just arrived and already making friends.

I found a fourth!

Looks like I'm playing for that silver jacket now, Tania.

TANIA: Very well, Leslie. You two are up first.

All right, I'll be using the orange ball.

We don't play with colored balls, they're all white.

Well, that's silly. Now, how do you know which one is yours?

So, where's the hole?

Look, way over there.

That's the hole.

Guess I'll just have to really lay into it.

Oh! This is going to be too easy.

Hey, right in the hole!

MAN: Looks like he's gunning for that silver jacket of yours, Leslie.

(TANIA AND MAN LAUGHING)

If you hit this one straight in, that's called a triple bogey.

Ah, wait, never mind.

Once you're over eight strokes, there's no cute name for it.

(GRUNTS) I don't need to hear it, rabbit!

Look, Leslie, it says how the scoring works right here.

Get off me, rabbit!

(WHIZZING)

Nice, Les, you really got a hold of that one.

LESLIE: I'll show him.

He can't win if he can't finish the game.

Let's see that big-ear buffoon get out of this quagmire.

Oh, rabbit! Beware. This one doglegs a bit to the left.

Thanks, doc.

(SLOSHES)

Hey, I got it into that sand-trap thingy. How many points is that?

Oh, a whole lot! Now, go hit it out of there.

This is gonna be good.

(SLOSHING)

(EXCLAIMS) What? Oh, come on!

You good for nothing...

-Maybe you didn't add enough water. -(SOBBING)

-(BUBBLING) -LESLIE: (GARGLING) Right...

TANIA: Only a couple more holes to pull ahead of Bugs

if you want that jacket, Leslie. (SNICKERS)

Then, I'd better make it count.

I don't know if this should be considered a sport,

but I'm having a great time.

You know what, Bugs? Why don't you go first?

I already set your tee up and everything.

(SLURPS)

(MOANS)

(SWISHES)

BUGS: Huh...

Hmm...

(SCREAMS) Just hit it, would ya?

(SHUSHING)

(SWISHES)

(SWISHES)

Oh, for crying out loud! Give me that!

I'll show you how it's done!

-(GRUNTS) -(EXPLODES)

-(SCREAMING) -(RICOCHETS)

(LESLIE GROANS)

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

-(WHIPS) -(GROANS)

BUGS: So, then I says,

"Maybe you just need a little hair at the front!"

(ALL LAUGHING)

MAN: Oh, it's nice to have someone with a sense of humor out here.

That silver jacket is mine!

(WHIRRING)

BUGS: Huh?

(PEOPLE GASP)

-(GROANS) -(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CLANKS)

How's my driving, rabbit?

-(WHIZZING) -(TANIA GASPS)

-(BUGS GASPS) -(CLUBS CLATTERING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(LESLIE SCREAMING)

-(GROANS) -BUGS: Yikes!

No one gets the best of Leslie P. Lily...

-(TIRES SCREECHING) -(SCREAMING)

(GROANS AND SWALLOWS)

-(LESLIE CHOKING) -Don't panic!

-I'm here for you, pal! -(LESLIE GAGS)

TANIA: Good grief, Bugs! Another eagle!

That's gotta be a course record.

MAN: I cannot think of anyone who deserves the silver jacket more than you!

Don't you agree, Leslie?

-Sheesh! I just came out here to have a little fun! -(LESLIE STRAINING)

And, now, I'm going home with this ugly silver jacket.

(SCREAMING GIBBERISH)

"Carry my bags, Lilylegs. Just hit it!"

Nobody gets the best of Leslie P.

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH) (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

-(SCREAMING GIBBERISH) -Don't worry, Leslie.

The nice man will fit you with a special jacket of your very own!

LESLIE: I love this game!

(SCREAMING) You're fired!

You aren't cleaning fast enough.

Here, at Happy Hartles Hamburger House, we do everything fast!

And you! You're just standing there!

WOMAN: But there aren't any customers.

Whose fault is that? You're fired, too! Get out!

Get out, get out! Out, out, out, out! You're fired!

-You're fired! -But I don't even work here.

Great! Then you're hired!

Oh, your timing couldn't be better.

(SOBBING) All of my employees deserted me.

That's one way of looking at it.

They've abandoned me to tend to the highest of standards

and the questionable quality my daddy demanded

when he first opened Happy Hartles Hamburger Hut

over 35 years ago.

May he rest in grease.

Eh... Uh...

So, what do you say? Do you have what it takes to serve at the Hamburger Hut?

Oh, I'll make sure you get served.

Oh! That makes Happy very happy.

You're really saving my buns. First, you'll need a uniform.

Here's your vest! Are you familiar with Happy Hartles Hamburger Hut,

-where we make fast food fast? -BUGS: Fast.

That's right! I'm Happy, son of Harry.

I was raised on the Hamburger Hut. (CHUCKLING)

You don't say.

Here's your hat. (SIGHS)

This place is dedicated to the standards

set by my daddy Harry Hartle.

You don't wanna let Daddy down.

This guy has some serious issues.

Just rember to welcome the guest, be polite, take their order,

upsell if you can, make correct change, give them their items,

and end with our signature sendoff, "Where we make fast food fast!"

Oh, and I almost forgot the most important part of your uniform.

-A smile. -(BELL RINGS)

Ooh! Here comes your first customer. You're on!

Uh, welcome to the Hamburger Hut.

-(WHISPERS) More energy! -Welcome to the Hamburger Hut.

(WHISPERS) "Happy Hartles Hamburger Hut."

Welcome to Happy Hartles Hamburger Hut. So, what do you want?

(WHISPERS) "What can we do for ya?"

Ah, I'll be shadowing him today,

he's a bit slow on the uptake. (CHUCKLES)

Perhaps you're interested in one of our more expensive items.

They also happen to have the most calories, so, you know, it's a lose-lose.

No! Welcome to Happy Hartles Hamburger Hut,

now, how can we make you happy today?

The number two, please.

Ah! A Hartle-tack burger.

Excellent choice. There you go!

Thanks for coming to Happy Hartles Hamburger Hut

where we make happy! (LAUGHS)

Now, that's how it's done!

Think you can get that through your thick skull?

This isn't neuroscience! That's one strike.

Two more and you're fired, you big-eared buffoon!

-(BELL RINGS) -Uh?

Hello. Welcome to Happy Hartles Hamburger Hut.

My granddaughter here would like something healthy and delicious.

I'm sorry, doc, but I don't think we have either of those things.

GRANDMOTHER: Well, we'll just look for another restaurant

to spend our disposable income.

Let me be the first to apologize

that we were unable to meet your needs here at Happy Hartles,

so here's a coupon for a free condiment

on your next visit to the Hamburger Hut,

where we make happy!

All right! That's strike two! What are you, daft?

Why can't you just do what you're told?

Happy, I just thought that I was...

-Just do your job and make it happy! -(BELL RINGS)

Twenty-eight super hungry softball champions coming your way!

Sorry, fellas! Real bad septic issue. We're closed for the day.

(GRUNTING ANGRILY)

Oh, okay! We'll never come back.

(BELL RINGS)

I bet that's strike three!

(SCREAMS) Why you...

Bet you can't catch up!

-Speaking of ketchup... -(SQUIRTS)

-(BUGS GASPS) -(SPLATTERS)

-Strike one! -(GRUNTS)

-Strike two! -(GRUNTS)

-(GROWLING) -(KISSES)

-(GRUNTS) -(WHIZZES)

(THUMPS)

(HAPPY GRUNTS)

-(GROANS) -BUGS: Ooh, hey!

You look like my friend Patty!

So, you want a food fight, huh?

-(SPITS) -(SWISHES)

(RICOCHETING)

(OOZING)

(GARGLING)

(GRUNTS)

BUGS: Well, I was hoping that would shake ya.

(HAPPY STRUGGLING)

-This ought to do the trick. In you go! -(SCREAMS)

Look! I made a small fry! (LAUGHS)

-(SCREAMING) -(BUGS SHRIEKS)

(GROANS)

(STERNLY) Happy...

(GASPS) Daddy, I thought you...

Never you mind, Happy Hartle!

I'm not happy, Happy!

Is this how you treat my legacy?

-Look at this grill. This is filthy! -(SIZZLING)

Not for long, Daddy.

And who is minding all these orders?

(STRAINING)

-No one is working the cash register. -(TAPPING)

BUGS: Still filthy! These orders are piling up!

No one's minding the register!

Still backed up on these orders!

Foods are burning! Stay on the register!

(OUT OF BREATH) Eh, what... What do you want?

-(THUDS) -Smile!

It's the most important part of your uniform!

(MUMBLING) Welcome to Happy Hartles House and you...

-(TALKING GIBBERISH) -BUGS: These orders are all wrong!

What are you doing? Redo these and get in here!

This kitchen isn't gonna clean itself!

(STRUGGLING) Wha...

(SCREAMS)

(THUMPING)

(CREAKING)

(MEEKLY) Hug me, Daddy!

(THUMPS)

(MUFFLED) Our first hug, Daddy.

Poor guy. Somebody should've told him

that fast food ain't good for your health.

(CHOMPS) Blugh!

This tastes terrible!

Going down the rabbit hole

Where we're going no one knows

Obstacles 'round every bend

Let's see where the tunnel ends

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