Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Going down the rabbit hole

Where we're going no one knows

Obstacles 'round every bend

Let's see where the tunnel ends

Now it's safe.

(LAUGHING)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(CRASHES)

Rassin' frassin', riggin' rassin'!

Oh, are you okay? I was so worried.

(KISSES CELL PHONE)

What's the big idea with walking out in front of my car?

Couldn't you see I was a-texting?

How careless of me.

Hmm, you're just lucky my phone isn't tarnished.

Oh, no.

No! No! No!

There's a hairline fracture.

Oh! You'll pay for this.

I'm a-gonna sue the pants off you.

Well, first off, I'm not wearing pants,

and second...

Hot-diggity-dog!

Y'all done me a favor.

That guy is a public menace.

Get outta my way!

(RINGS CONTINUOUSLY)

Can I help you?

I want the new phone! I want the new phone!

I want the new phone!

I want the new phone!

Are you sure you want the new new phone?

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.

Oh, you have excellent taste, sir.

First, I have to go through the list of features

and get you to sign some paperwork.

Well, let's hurry it up...

Okay, sign here, and also there

and here and initial here.

S, O... No, that's not right.

S, carry the one...

That'll do. Now just a thumb print,

belt-buckle print, retina scan.

Great. Okay, let me show you a few of the new features.

We have a self-defense option,

virtual impact simulation,

and of course, it also plays music.

But the most important feature...

I know how to use a ding-dang phone!

I ain't no idiot! Oh! (GROWLS)

I really should call him

to make sure his phone works properly.

Rassin', frassin', riggin'...

-(PHONE MEOWS) -Huh? Lion attack?

This don't sound like a lion attack.

Oh, self-defense! Self-defense! Self... Oh!

Yeah, that's what a lion attack sounds like.

(PANTING) This phone ain't working right.

I keep getting attacked by lions.

Well, you probably need to set the ringtone to vibrate.

I could do that for you.

Uh, fine.

Make sure it vibrates nice and strong.

I don't wanna miss any calls.

You got it.

Oh, I forgot to ask you.

Did you want the "Acquaintances and Kin" plan?

Barbara prefers the "Gimme and Go" plan.

Now, gimme that.

And that's why I recommend a 57% increase in threatening people

-while yelling! -(PHONE VIBRATES)

Whoa! (SCREAMING)

Mommy, Daddy, Mommy! Mommy, Daddy, Mommy!

Mommy, Daddy, Mommy! Mommy, Daddy, Mommy!

Mommy, Daddy, Mommy!

(PHONE VIBRATES)

(PHONE VIBRATING)

(BEES BUZZING)

I wanna return this phone!

Well, I can take this back,

but everyone will see you using an older model.

If that's what you want.

No! Oh, wait!

(GRUNTS)

All right! Fine!

Then fix it so it's perfect.

I don't understand why you're having issues.

That never happens to new technology.

But, it looks like your vibration is set too high.

There you go.

If I have to come back here again,

I'll be filling out a complaint

and I won't be using a pen.

-(PHONE VIBRATES) -Yikes!

Uh, hello?

What? I won the sweepstakes?

Why, yes, you did, sir.

Now, to pick it up you only need to...

(MIMICS STATIC) Important... (MIMICS STATIC) Arrive no later than... (MIMICS STATIC)

Hello? Hello?

Wait, wait. I can't hear you.

Can you hear me? How's this?

-How's that? -(CAT MEOWS)

How about here?

Frissin' frassin' newfangled phone!

Don't hang up! Don't hang up! Don't hang up!

Hello? Hello? Hello! Darn it all, we was disconnected.

Oh, maybe they'll call back.

-(PHONE VIBRATES) -Hello? Yeah, yeah, it's me. I'm the sweepstakes winner.

-(WIND BLOWING LOUDLY) -(ECHOING) Hey! Can ya keep it down? I'm on the phone.

(PHONE VIBRATES AND MEOWS)

(SCREAMS)

I would like a refund.

Of course. I'm sorry you're not happy with our product.

Oh, dear. Unfortunately, this phone has water damage.

I can't take it back.

Why, this phone is in perfect condition.

I'll prove it. Ooh! Wait, wait, I got it. Oh!

I'm on the job. Ooh!

Hello? I'd like to phone a friend.

(GROANS)

Huh. Imagine that. I guess the new version still has some bugs in it. (LAUGHS)

-(BELL RINGS) -Next.

-(SAM GROANS) -(PUNCH THUDS)

So, let me get this straight.

You don't have enough strength to carry your own food home?

(CHATTERING)

How have you even survived for this long?

(CHATTERS)

Oh, you get suckers to carry it for you.

Oh, well, I see.

Seriously, Squeaks, you've gotta... What the?

All right!

What merry-go-round plastered the forest with all these ridiculous posters?

(MAN ON LOUDSPEAKER)Rock Hardcase, that's who.

(DANCE MUSIC THUMPING)

Pump it

All right, everyone. Gather around.

The name's Rock Hardcase and I'm here to change your life

with Jock Juice.

(YAWNING)

-Hey! -Who, me?

Are you having trouble coming out of your shell?

Are you too weak to carry your own food home?

Then you need Rock Hardcase's Jammin' Jock Juice.

Give me one week of workouts and a steady diet of my Jammin' Jock Juice,

and you'll have the strength to lift an elephant.

(GRUNTS)

The sad part is, I can never forget this.

Who wants to try it?

(ALL CLAMORING)

-(SQUEAKS CHATTERS) -Squeaks!

Great! A volunteer!

Look at these skinny arms, this flabby stomach.

Clearly, this rabbit has given up on himself.

You need Jock Juice, my friend.

The only thing I need are carrots.

Oh, yeah? Can carrots help you lift this huge elephant?

Ow!

Hey, make it look good.

Oh! Oh! What is happening? Oh, oh, my goodness.

What strength.

Look at that, folks.

Jock Juice just helped this weakling

lift a whole elephant.

Who wants some Jock Juice?

Pump it up

"Jock Juice contains high fructose corn syrup,

"dextrose, sucrose, lactose intolerance,

"xanthan gum, spearmint gum, bubblegum,

"canola oil, fishing oil and oil oil.

"Jock Juice has not been proven to add any muscle whatsoever.

"So, if you're still reading this label, you've been had."

Rock Hardcase? More like Rock Nutcase.

Someone's gotta teach that guy a lesson.

Work it

All right! Now that you've all paid,

what's the first thing you do before you burn?

Slug a can of Jock Juice.

Kick it up

All right, everybody, let's go!

One and two and one and two and one and two and one...

Hmm. This gives me an idea.

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)Destroy the fat, ladies.

(CLEARS THROAT) I said,

(HIGHER VOICE)destroy the fat, ladies.

Boy, this is quite some modulator.

(ROBOT VOICE) The only logical way to exterminate fat is to...

(SCREAMS) (SLOW VOICE) Move fast. Go as fast as you can.

(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT)And drink your Jock Juice.

Drink more than one, you wee babies.

(FEMALE VOICE) And work your arms and your legs

and especially your kootchie-kootchies.

(AS BARRY WHITE) Make sure to take a break between sets,

light some candles, and put on some smooth jazz.

-What the... -(MODULATOR BUZZES)

(IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)Put another shrimp on the barbie, mate!

(NORMAL VOICE)I'm Rock Hardcase and I'm a fraud.

All right, rabbit. Game on!

Yikes!

Just in time, Doc.

Race you to the top.

(PANTING)

Keep going, Doc. You almost got me.

You know what your problem is, Rock? You're too wound up.

Whoa!

Sometimes you've just got to let things go.

(GRUNTS)

-You'll never catch me, bub! -Oh, yes, I will.

(GROWLS)

Aha! Now I... Huh?

Hey, how 'bout a little privacy.

I was taking a shower in there.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to a party.

-(PARTY HORNS BLOWING) -You weren't invited.

-Gotcha! -(SHRIEKS) Get out!

Come on, Squeaks. Let's get out of this jock joint.

ROCK: You!

(SQUEAKS SQUEAKING)

Who's laughing now?

You weaklings!

(GROANS)

(IN FEEBLE VOICE) Now, trust me, folks. Jock Juice really does work.

Guess Rock was more like a pebble.

Well, I bought a gym membership.

Yeah, what do we do now?

Now, this is the workout that I prefer.

How're you guys holdin' up over there?

Mmm. Mmm.

That's what I call crunches.

-(CRUNCHES) -(SQUEAKS LAUGHS)

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