Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Going down the rabbit hole

Where we're going no one knows

Obstacles 'round every bend

Let's see where the tunnel ends

-(CHAINSAW BUZZING) -(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Figures.

Hi, Squeaks. What's up?

(SQUEAKING)

You want to have your poker night here?

Well, I was plannin' on having a quiet night in and, uh...

(WHISTLING)

(SQUEAKING)

Uh, well, I guess you have everything you need.

I'll just be over here watching TV all alone.

(SQUEAKING)

What?

I've always wanted to play poker with you guys!

I've heard so much about you.

Uh, Squeaks, you want to introduce me to your friends here?

(SQUEAKING)

(SQUEAKING)

Nice to meet you all. My name's Bugs.

Okay, so what are we playin'?

(SQUEAKING)

Squeaks, why are we playin' at my place?

Well, well, well.

Thought you could move the card game?

Sorry I'm late.

-But it looks like you nutjobs are just getting started. -(SQUEALING)

What, a rabbit?

(STRAINING) This game is for squirrels only.

-(GRUNTS) -Oh, would you look at that.

A seat's opened up.

Hey, that's my hand.

Ooh, not anymore, bunny boy.

-Hmm. -(SQUEAKS GRUNTING)

SHIFTY: All right, ladies, let's show 'em.

Who can beat three birdhouses?

(LAUGHS) Winner, winner, nuts for dinner.

-And a carrot. -(GRUMBLING)

(SQUEAKING)

I ain't a cheater!

So what if I've won every hand I ever played?

What are you gonna do about it?

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING QUICKLY)

Smart squirrel.

(SHIFTY CACKLING)

Well, would you look at that. A seat opened up.

Hey, I already told you...

No rabb...

And this is just the beginning.

All right, rabbit, you can play.

(CARDS SHUFFLING)

Hmph. Come on, everyone ante up.

(CLATTERING)

(LAUGHING)

Hmm? What are you lookin' at?

Oh, look, someone dropped a king!

What? Where?

Never mind. It was just my curtains.

Enough messin' around.

Read 'em and... Huh?

Well, what do you know? Five acorns.

Looks like the tables have turned.

This is impossible! I never lose.

Squeaks must not have shuffled the cards right.

Then I'll shuffle and make sure they're really mixed up this time.

One deck of finely chopped playing cards.

A pinch of salt and a generous helping of prune juice.

(WHIRRING)

Open wide.

(GULPING)

(GRUNTS)

Nope, you still lost.

(EXCLAIMING) All right!

I'm gonna shuffle.

(BLOWING RASPBERRIES)

-You don't know how to shuffle, do you? -Yes, I can. See?

(BLOWING RASPBERRIES)

Nope... Oh, that's a good one.

And that one. And this one.

Oh, oh, and these two.

And there!

Now, rabbit, see if you can top this.

Oh, wow, a royal flush.

You know what that means.

(TOILET FLUSHING)

Enough! We'll play one more hand.

And this time, we're goin' all in.

Oh, no, rabbit, your carrots aren't enough.

If you're gonna play this hand, you gotta play with something valuable.

-Something like this. -(CLATTERING)

(BEEPING)

-Is that a... -What of it?

It's solid gold. What do you got?

All right, I see your bracelet and raise you my TV.

Well, I see your TV and raise you this toaster.

-Hey, that's my toaster. -It'll be mine soon enough.

Well, I raise you my microwave.

And I raise you your computer.

(CACKLING)

All right, who's ready to lose?

(SQUEAKING)

-(SQUEAKING) -(SHIFTY LAUGHING)

Looks like this one's mine, rabbit.

Two pair and a lucky diamond.

Come to daddy.

Sorry, doc, but I got a full nest, walnut's high.

-Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be taking back my, uh... -(GRUNTING)

-(BOTH GASPING) -(CHEERING)

(SQUEAKING HYSTERICALLY)

Hmm...

(STOMACH GROWLING)

What did you put in that blender?

Hey, watch where you're a-goin'!

-(BELL RINGING) -(CHAIR SCRAPING)

This here is a stick-up.

So give me all the money in that drawer.

Uh, and a belt, too.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

-(YELLING) -(GUNSHOTS)

-(GUN COCKING) -Huh?

What are those, flintlocks?

(CHUCKLING)

I'll give you a sock in the eye.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

-(BELL RINGING) -Huh?

-Oh, hello, sir. -(GRUNTING)

I'm Randall, sales associate.

Can I help you pick out a new belt before you rob the place?

(GRUNTING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Yeah, you can help me. I need a belt.

So you need a belt. Follow me, sir.

I'll be right back.

-(LAUGHING) -(GROWLING)

And with pants on.

Now, let's see what would look good on you.

"Dress for success," I always say.

My pants fell down.

Watch it! Oh, my pants.

(GRUNTS) Watch it... My pants!

(EXCLAIMING) Give me that.

(LAUGHING)

Show me the belts.

Well, we have this new model.

It's quite popular with the working man.

Fine, let me have it.

Uh, belt sander, it is.

-(WHIRRING) -(GRUNTING)

A real belt!

All right.

How about this beautiful seatbelt?

Everyone is wearing it.

(EXCLAIMING)

-(GRUNTS) -How'd that work out for you?

A little snug.

-As I was saying. -(GRUNTS)

We have big belts,

-small belts, steel belts... -(GRUNTING)

Rope belts, black belts.

-(MUFFLED GRUNTING) -Timing belts.

Pecos Bill's belts...

And... I really wish you would stop doing that.

I wish you'd give me a belt.

All right, no more tricks.

Show me the way.

The belt is just through this door.

Out of my way! I'll go get it.

It's powerful dark in here.

SAM: (YELLING) Hey, where's my belt!

(BELL RINGS)

You mean a belt like this one?

Ah, now you're talkin'.

-Where'd it go? -All you have to do is defeat the champ.

-Defeat the champion. (GRUNTS) -(CAGE DOOR RATTLING)

Wait! The what? (MUFFLED SCREAMING)

Wait! The who? (GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

-Who was that? -Macho del Supreme.

He's rough, he's tough, and he wants that belt, too.

Just watch out for his move, The Sledgehammer.

-(BELL RINGS) -(GRUNTS)

How will I know The Sledgehammer move?

Ah... Guess the sledgehammer's the giveaway.

(GRUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)

-(BELL RINGS) -(CROWD CHEERING)

(YELLING) Are you listenin' to me?

Now, this time, he's probably gonna try his move...

The Flamethrower.

(GRUNTS)

(CHUCKLING)

(COUGHING)

Technically, I did tell you about The Flamethrower.

I heard you.

What's his next move called?

His next move? The Tsunami!

(CHUCKLES) Real cute.

I know where this is a-goin'.

(MUFFLED) Bring on the Tsunami.

(GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

(YELPING)

I don't think I got much left.

Come on!

At least go down fightin' with your fists up.

All right, then.

I'm about to let you have it.

(ROARING)

Huh?

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

-One, two, three. -(BELL RINGING)

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new champion.

Way to go, champ. What do you have to say?

What a fabulous shopping experience.

Thank you, Randall.

You can't leave now, you have to defend your title.

(CHUCKLING)

-(CHAINSAW REVVING) -(LAUGHING)

(BELL RINGING)

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