Original subtitles

[Phone Ringing]

Hello Giant Investigations, Tony speaking

Hi Tony, I need to find someone

Can you help me?

Who are you looking for?

My dad

Right okay, and what's your name?

Maddalena

Magdalena?

No Maddalena

M-A-D-D-A-L-E-N-A

Sorry, one more time?

Hey what can I get you?

I'll get a soda water with lemon please

Here you go

Thanks

It's nice

Are you alright?

Actually I'm here on a blind date

I thought I was running late but

He doesn't seem to be--

--That's nice

What's the name of the guy you're meeting?

Adrian

His Nonna's sister set up the whole thing

He'll probably take one look at me

And run away if he hasn't already

Hey if this guy does rock up

Let me give you some advice

You might want to lose that neck brace

Why?

You look a little stiff

And I don't think he was expecting you to be stiff tonight

I'm not stiff

What do you mean?

You don't think he'll expect that, do you?

Probably

Why don't you relax--

Why don't you relax-- --Relax

--Relax

Relax

Do you know what it's like growing up not knowing your parents?

I have always been poor little Maddalena with the dead parents

Then just last week I find out that my dad he's alive

Somewhere in Italy

He's not dead

He just abandoned me

And my Nonna well she's been lying to me my whole life

And now I'm broke

And all I want to do is get to Italy to make some sense of it

But I'm here, stood up

Rejected and abandoned yet again

So you know what buddy?

You make me the strongest drink you've got in this bar

And you make it a double

You've got it toots

My name is Maddalena

I'm going to go sit down now

By the way I am Adrian

What?

Hey I'm not going to apologise

Ida sets me up with weird birds all the time

Ida sets me up with weird birds all the time So I thought I should scope you out first

So I thought I should scope you out first

Me weird?

Yeah you, you're a weird bird

Okay

But I think I know why she set us up

Really? Why?

So a couple of years ago my grandma moved back to Italy and she's fucked

And that really sucks

Because mum tells me she is going to leave me 100k when she dies

Catch is I've got to prove to her

That I've met a nice Catholic girl and I'm settling down

I haven't so I guess that's where you come in

I don't really see what this has got to do with me

No offense but you and me it's never going to fucking happen

You are just too weird

I would not go near you

But I think we can help each other out if we play this right

You need a ticket to Italy and I need $100,000

Okay sorry

Do you mean you want to come to Italy with me?

Fuck that

I don't wanna sit on a plane.

Economy, 14 hours, big fat motherfuckers. Nah I don't do that shit.

You can go by yourself

I'll get you the ticket

You can go find your dad

Whatever it is you're doing there

But I'll arrange for you to go see my grandma

You meet her, you go "I'm Adrian's girlfriend"

"We're in love, we spend the best time together"

"I'm here to see the Pope" She'll love that!

You're there to see the pope

Take some photos show her

Money's mine, ticket's yours It's win win

I need to go to the bathroom

So we've got a deal?

I'll do it

Awesome I'll book the tickets for this weekend

For this weekend?

Yeah absolutely, I'm not fucking around

Yeah absolutely, I'm not fucking around I need you on a plane to Italy ASAP

I need you on a plane to Italy ASAP

My grandma's on her death bed

I need this money, it's time sensitive

Okay, I'll do it

We've got a deal

Drink up, I'll be in touch toots

I'm in Japan