Original subtitles

Hurry, hurry, hurry, folks. A trip through Chinatown for only 50 cents.

Watch your step, lady. Watch your step.

The bus leaves right away. Just a few seats left.

Sorry, folks, all filled. Catch the next trip.

[ALL SPEAKING IN CHINESE]

ANNOUNCER [ON SPEAKER]: Attention, please.

A free eye test through the courtesy of Dr. I.C. Spots.

If you can read this, you are average.

If you can read this, you are above average.

If you can read this, you are exceptional.

If you can read this...

... you are Chinese.

[ALL HUMMING "MY WILD IRISH ROSE"]

ALL [SINGING]: My high-polished nose

It glows and glows and glows

If you got a cold, the best remedy sold

Is Dinkleheimer's Squeak-Stop- Soothing-Syrup-Anti-Nose Blows

ALL: Oh, my high-polished nose

- It sparkles and gleams at night ALL: It glows, it glows, it glows

It flickers and beams so bright

[SINGING GIBBERISH]

- All done ALL: What a life with my high-polished nose

SINGING: Even though you're only make-believing

Laugh, clown, laugh

[CHUCKLES]

Even though something inside is grieving

[CHUCKLING] Laugh, clown, laugh

Don't let your heart grow too mellow No, no

Just be a real, real Punchinello

[LAUGHING] A Punchinello, fellow

You're suppose to brighten up Brighten up the joint

Laugh, clown, laugh

Paint a lot of smiles around your face Laugh, laugh, clown

Don't frown No, sir, j... Just be a vessel of jubi...

[LAUGHS]

Be a pagliaccio

[GUFFAWING] Oh, laugh, laugh, clown

[LAUGHING]

[VAUDEVILLIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT LATIN MUSIC PLAYING]

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