Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, sit back and make yourselves comfortable,

for tonight we turn back the pages of time

to relive those cherished memories of your childhood days

when you dwelt in a land of make-believe

with the lovable characters of old Mother Goose.

Now, here is one of your favorites.

Mistress Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

I'm so terribly sorry, but confidentially, it stinks.

And then there is, "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall."

(CHUCKLING) Didn't even hurt me.

Remember Jack and Jill?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

Jack came down...

(IMPATIENTLY) Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

Jack came down...

(CLEARS THROAT)

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water!

(CHUCKLING) The heck with the water!

And you couldn't forget this sweet little girl.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey,

when along came a spider and sat down beside her...

Hello!

(SPIDER SCREAMS)

Remember the old, mean wolf who chased the Three Little Pigs?

I'll huff

and I'll puff

and I'll blow your house in!

Why don't some of my best friends tell me these things?

Ah, the Parade of the Wooden Soldiers.

Notice the precision and perfect cadence of these well-trained toys.

Heads erect, shoulders back as they march in perfect formation.

Left, right, left, right! Left, right, left, right!

And here we find a lonesome dog reciting one of your old favorites,

"Star Light, Star Bright."

Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight,

I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight.

I wish I had...

(PANTING EXCITEDLY)

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the candlestick.

There's nothing to it. Just fast.

Speedy, that's me. Flames didn't even touch me.

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe.

She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.

(BABIES CRYING)

Remember little Hiawatha and his bow and arrow?

I shot an arrow into the air.

It fell to earth I know not where.

Listen, doc, be a little more careful where you shoot these things.

(SILENT NIGHTPLAYING)

Christmas. What a beautiful sight.

So peaceful. So quiet.

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

(QUIETLY) Merry Christmas.

Quiet!

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