Original subtitles

Oh, the shame of it!

(EXCLAIMS)

Flesh of my flesh! Blood of my blood!

Oh! My own kinfolk!

The humiliation of it.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(PANTING)

Oh, hello, little nephew. Just tidying up the joint... The house.

(EXCLAIMS)

For shame, Uncle Big Bad.

(EXCLAIMS)

Huh?

To think that my own uncle is that fiendish Big Bad Wolf

who huffed and puffed and blew the Three Little Pigs' houses down.

We read all about you in school today!

Now, wait a minute, kid.

I never done nothing of the kind. That was a bum rap.

On the level, kid.

Here, sit down and I'll tell you what really happened.

Your Uncle Big Bad never huffed or puffed or blew nobody's house down.

It was them Three Little Pigs that was the mugs.

Me? I was just a innocent, nature-Ioving kid.

I was nuts about nature. I just loved it.

Hello, nature. I love yous.

Hello, bees. Hello, trees.

Hello, fuzzy little caterpillar.

(GROWLING)

Hello... Uh-oh.

How I dread passing the houses of them three mean little pigs.

But I mustn't let them know that I fear them.

(STAMMERING) Hello, Three Little Pigs.

ALL: Hello, Big Bad.

(SHRIEKING)

(THREE LITTLE PIGS LAUGHING)

Oh, drat you Three Little Pigs!

Why must you always torment me when I pass your houses?

Why?

Ah, go blow your brains out.

Hey, wait a minute, fellas. He ain't such a bad guy.

- Let's leave him play with us. - BOTH: Huh?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Sure, sure.

Hey, Big Bad, we're sorry we picked on yous.

- You wanna play slingshot with us? - Me?

Oh, gee, that'd be just ginger-peachy.

But I'm afraid I don't know how to do it very well.

Oh, don't worry. We'll learn yous. Here, you get to use the biggest one.

Just hang on to it and I'll load it for yous.

Oh!

Ready, aim, fire!

Gee, Uncle Big Bad, what did you do to them?

Why, I murderlized the dirty...

I mean, I just stood there sobbing me little heart out.

Dirty guys.

Oh, come on. You've been such a good sport.

We'll let yous play Surprise-Surprise with us.

Well, all right, but I'm afraid I don't know how to play Surprise-Surprise.

There's nothing to it.

Just put your hands behind your back. That's right.

Now, when we count to three, yous can see what's in your hand.

ALL: One, two, three.

Surprise, surprise!

(GASPING FOR AIR)

Well, everything was going swell.

The Three Little Pigs kept wanting me to play with them.

Then, one day, we was playing as usual.

(BUZZING)

This time we was playing Swat the Fly. I was the fly.

THREE LITTLE PIGS: Swat the fly! Swat the fly! Swat the fly!

(HAMMERING)

No, not that! Not my beautiful tail! No! No!

Oh, no, Big Bad. You're our friend. We wouldn't do that to yous.

No. In fact, we've voted you King for a Day.

Yeah, that's right.

- Gee! - Come on, King Big Bad.

We'll lead yous to your throne.

There you are, King.

(SNIFFLING) Oh, gee, fellas.

Here, Your Majesty. Ring out the glad tidings.

Peal the royal bell.

Gee, fellas, you treat me like a king.

And I thought you was after my beautiful

tail.

(SHRIEKS)

ALL: Open the door! Let us in! Let us in!

(STAMMERING) Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin.

ALL: Then we'll huff and we'll puff and we'll blow your house in!

(BLOWING)

So you see, little nephew,

it was those dirty pigs that blew my house in and made off with me tail.

Oh, Unc, what a lot of malarkey.

Does this look like malarkey?

Of course, we know I lost it in a swinging door.

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