Original subtitles

(HOWLING)

(LISPING) Hollywood, the city of the cinema at last!

Home of fame, fortune, and Lauren Bacall!

Woo-hoo! I love you!

I adore you!

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

Not so fast!

(EXCLAIMS)

You're such a sneak!

(SCOFFS)

Good morning, Miss Davis.

So you think I'm mean, do you?

You think I'm cruel, mad, selfish, domineering!

Good morning. Well, you're right. I'm all this and heaven, too.

Good morning, Mr. Weissmuller.

(SHOUTING)

(SINGING)

When my dreamboat comes home

Say, who are you supposed to be, anyway?

Peasant!

For your sole information, I am the Academy Oscar, and J.L. is waiting.

Oh! Thinks he's so smart. I'll show him!

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

Step right this way, folks, for the most stupendous studio tour in Hollywood.

It's colossal! Gigantic!

Watch your step, son.

Cut it out! Don't be such a crazy. I don't wanna go!

Take your hands off! Stop!

Sorry, folks, no more. Full bus!

And on your left observe the sequestered quarters of the cinema stars.

Those are the conditions that prevail!

And here we have a studio gate cop!

Notice the cruel, close-set eyes. The criminal jaw line.

Observe particularly the carnivorously cannibalistic cranium

which is insensible to injury.

You can strike it, smash it, smack it!

Oops!

Well, fancy meeting you here!

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

(HUMMING)

Darn it, I'll never get one of those Oscars.

Why, this is amazing! You're just the type we've been looking for.

Ah, that profile! Them looks!

What's Errol Flynn got that you haven't got?

Don't answer that!

I'll bet you're only saying that because it's true.

First, a little lipstick.

Now for some finishing touches.

Now the script!

All you have to do is run up that road and jump over that wall, understand?

Quiet! Quiet on the set!

Let's have it quiet! Quiet, everybody!

Quiet! Quiet every... Ah, shut up!

DAFFY: Action!

(CRASHING)

(DAFFY CHUCKLING)

Well, that's that! Now to continue my tour.

Now, you little buttinsky, you! I'm going to...

Take your hands off of me!

I came here to see stars and I ain't leaving till I see them, see?

Well, for goodness' sake, why didn't you tell me?

I could show you all the stars.

You could, chum, buddy, pal, brother, friend?

You honest and truly could?

Sure! Here!

Oh, gee, look at all the pretty stars!

There's Hedy Lamarr, Alexis Smith and Dorothy Lamour, and Baby Snooks.

And sufferin' succotash, it's Ann Sheridan!

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