Original subtitles

All aboard.

The steamer Southern Star now sailing for Memphis,

Vicksburg, Baton Rouge,

New Orleans, and Cucamonga.

Get your tickets ready. Your ticket, sir.

What, no ticket?

We'll have no stowaways on this boat, sir!

Get your tickets ready, gentlemen.

Eh, what's up, doc?

Your ticket, if you please, sir?

I've got three queens. What do y'all got, sir?

- Four kings. - What?

I'm Colonel Shuffle.

The rip-roarin'est, gold-dingin'est, sharp-shootin'est, poker-playin'est

riverboat gambler on the Mississippi. Yahoo!

Be there anyone man enough

to sit in a poker game with Colonel Shuffle?

Well, be there?

There be.

How many chips, sir?

A hundred bucks' worth, eh?

Stranger, you don't know what you're in for.

I've got five aces. What've you got, sir?

I have got six aces, sir.

If and I had four feet and went, "Hee haw,"

- what would I be? - Why, you'd be a jackass.

- Choose your weapon! - Oh, for me?

- You shouldn't have, sir. - No! This is a duel, sir!

Remember, take five paces, turn, and fire.

And the gentleman wins a cigar!

What a goon!

Why for did you splash me in the Mississippi mud?

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

You're just in time for the big show. Uncle Tom's Cabinet.

Here you are, sir, one ticket left. Here you are. Right this way, sir.

Right this way.

- What a... - Why did you dunk my poor old hide

in Old Man River, when I bought a loge seat?

Uh-uh, doc, it's full of water.

Eh, what's cooking, doc?

I seem to be in a terrible quandary, sir.

Could you change a ten spot, sir?

I'd prefer a profusion of pennies.

Are you sure it's a good one? Lots of counterfeits around, you know.

Ah, well, you gotta trust somebody.

Let's see now, $1.10, $1.20,

- $1.21. - Thank you, sir. Keep the change.

Oh, you beast, you cad.

It's getting so a girl can't travel alone

without you riverboat mashers getting fresh.

I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm powerful sorry.

Mighty sorry.

Mighty powerful sorry.

Oh, kind sir, save me.

Save me from that horrible beast.

What's this? What's this?

Here, here, now, missy. I'll save you.

Chivalry ain't dead!

I can't allow you to molest that little flower of the South.

Take that, sir!

Did he hurt you, honey child?

No, I was just terribly, terribly frightened.

And you're so big and so strong.

Why, poor helpless little me was just lost till you...

Think nothing of it, missy. It was a pleasure, I assure you.

Oh, well, we almost had a romantic ending.

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