Original subtitles

This is the Milky Way. A nice galaxy.

875 billion, trillion people live here.

Yes, it's a nice place to live.

It's my job to keep it that way. I'm a space cop.

My name's Monday. My partner's name is Tuesday.

He always follows me.

It was Wednesday, January 23, 10.26 p.m.

- It's 10:28. - Like I said, it was 10.28 p.m.

We were returning from a routine investigation in the Big Dipper area.

A 7-12, malicious mischief.

Schoolchildren had blown the ring off Saturn.

When will parents learn to keep uranium out of their children's reach?

Yeah, when?

10.34. Headquarters called.

Calling prowl-jet 36, prowl-jet 36.

Come in, 36. Over.

- Joe Monday. - Over.

Joe, it's the flying saucer bandit again.

First National Bank of Jupiter. Report in.

Wilco.

Wednesday, January 23, 10.42 p.m.

It's 10.46.

Like I said, 10.46 p.m. We returned to Headquarters.

Isn't modern science wonderful? People used to have to use stairs.

10.52. Back at the old desk, waiting for a call from the chief.

Half a cop's life is spent in waiting.

10.53. The chief calls.

Joe, come right over, please. I need your help immediately.

Right.

My interview with the chief was brief and to the point.

He wanted me to find out who the flying saucer bandit was...

and then to place him under arrest.

I consented.

11.07. We proceeded to the scene of the crime.

11.21. Checked in at the scene of the crime.

The crime robots were on the job.

They were searching out and collecting vital bits of evidence...

picking up suspicious footprints, gathering up all significant objects.

No clue was too small to escape their notice.

12.15 a. m... We returned to headquarters with the clues.

A cop's life isn't all beer and skittles, you know.

Now all the facilities of a great, modern crime lab were brought to bear.

We identified the name of that song. Mother Machree.

We proceeded to the Machree file.

It was a long one.

We finally found what we were after.

This criminal was so clever, he'd never been suspected of anything.

The case was beginning to heat up.

Our next step was the Crimino Detecto set.

Machree was found to be at Elsa 's Blast-lnn, selecting a sandwich.

12.40 a. m... He selected a pastrami on rye with mustard.

That figured.

We didn't have much time. He was a notoriously fast eater.

1.07. He left the Blast-lnn.

1.08. We arrived at the Blast-lnn.

Our deductions later proved that we had missed him by one minute.

1.09. We set out in pursuit.

10.23. We lost him in a large smog bank over Los Angeles.

Hey, Joe, get a load of this.

All right, Machree. We know you're in there. Come on out.

Like all criminals, he had an elaborate alibi prepared.

I didn't do nothing. Like I said, I didn't do nothing.

This case was brought to trial April 23, 10.00 a. m...

in Ultra Superior Court, 13527B, department of astral justice.

As a result of this trial...

the two arresting officers were sentenced to 20 years for false arrest.

Thirty years.

Like I said, 30 years.

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