Original subtitles

Hey, Alice! Come here, baby...

and see what your ever-Ioving husband and provider has brought you.

Are you kidding, Ralph?

- A hunk of old stale cheese. - Well, what did you expect?

That's the last morsel of food left in the joint since the people moved out.

And I had to get that the hard way.

Cut it out, Ralph. You're gonna live.

But how do you expect us to live with no food in the dump?

Somebody will move in and...

And find a couple of dead mice.

I ought to belt you one.

Hello, Ralphie-boy, new people moving in.

Hey, no kidding?

Come on, we go have a look-see in the kitchen.

Gee, get a load of the icebox.

Alice, you ought to see what they're moving in.

Like having Greenblatt's Delicatessen right next door to us.

Yeah, everything for the kitchen but a cat.

There'll be feasting tonight, Ralphie-boy.

Alice, my queen, break out the monogrammed Crumden silver.

We are gonna have a banquet.

All quiet on the western front, Ralph. Let's go get the groceries.

Wait a minute, Martin, I'll get the grub.

I am not in the mood for mustard ice cream and kreplachs.

You wait here.

What's wrong with mustard ice cream and kreplachs?

Hey, Ralph, what's the matter?

- Cat. - You better tell me, Ralph.

- Tell me, Ralph, what's the matter? - Martin, I'm trying to tell you...

- there's a cat in the kitchen. - Cat?

Can't be no cat, Ralph.

I don't see no cat, Ralph.

But I feel his presence.

That's a fine time to go to pieces, Martin.

Now, come on, pull yourself together.

We gotta put our heads together and outsmart that cat.

I've seen better heads on a glass of beer.

I gotta admit, Martin, every once in a while, you know...

you come up with an idea that makes sense.

Gee, thanks, you're a good kid. That's good, Ralph.

Don't tell me there's a market for canned slob?

Very funny, Alice. Very funny.

One of these days, Martin, one of these days...

- Well, Alice, how do you like it? - What is it?

No doubt you have heard of the Trojan horse?

Well, this here is the Trojan dog.

Yeah, beware of French poodles bearing gifts, huh, Ralph?

Martin, you are a mental case.

Oh, for heaven's sake, Ralph, why don't you just...

Why don't you just shut up?

Come on, Martin, let's get going.

- Pilot to co-pilot, contact. - Contact.

- Full speed ahead. - Roger. Over and out.

All right, Martin, get with it.

- One sardines. - One sardines.

One ice cream.

One ice cream. Fish a la mode.

Where's them olives, Martin?

Here's a pimento as a memento.

Great. I'll press it in a book.

Pickles and rice.

Pickles and rice, all very nice.

Okay, Martin, we got enough chow for a week.

Well, we better get going.

- Contact. - Contact.

Hey, Ralph, we got company.

Hey, Ralph, let's get out of here!

Jeez, what a grouch.

Ralph, like I've been trying to tell you...

why don't you just get rid of the cat?

Hey, Martin, why don't we just get rid of the cat?

Yeah, Ralph, why don't we just get rid of the cat?

I ought to...

Well, Mrs. Crumden, if it's so simple, why don't you do it?

All right, I will, Ralph.

Shut up!

Now, beat it! Scram!

Okay, boys, go gather your groceries.

One of these days, Alice, one of these days...

Right in the kisser.

- Come on, Martin. - Yeah, sure, Ralph.

Alice...

you're the greatest.

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