Original subtitles

FRANK: Charlie,

can I come in already?

CHARLIE:

Well, that depends, Frank.

Are you done farting?

FRANK: No.

Well, then you're gonna keep

hanging your ass out the window

till you're

done, all right?

Look, I-I warned you.

You want to put slices of rum

ham on a Grilled Charlie?

That's a stomach "bomba."

It's too much for your system.

Then make me

another one.

If I'm gonna stick my ass out

the window, I'm gonna eat.

Unbelievable.

All right, here we go.

I feel like it's gonna be a week

before your system

gets back to normal.

Y-You can't just eat

whatever you...

Charlie...

(crashing, shattering)

Holy shit!

Are you okay?!

Frank?!

Hey, are you all right?

(groans)

(echoing):

Hey! Are you okay?

(groans)

(echoing):

Are you all right, man?

Frank!

Where are you going?!

MAC: I'm the one that came up

with the chickens

to contaminate

the steaks.

I was the first one

to say that, right?

I-I don't think so, no.

I don't think so.

You t... Are

you serious?

No, I remember being

on the phone and...

Yeah, being totally serious.

Dennis, Deandra!

Yeah.

Uh...

What?

No, I-I...

I-I feel like

I came up with it.

It's me!

What, do you want

a goddamn medal?

Yeah, get out

of here, Frank.

We're right in the middle

of something very important.

I was on the phone;

I came up with it.

What are you talking about?

That never happened...

Your mother's dead.

I thought I was the one that...

Yeah, we know she's dead.

I think I was the one

that told you to make that call.

I-I was just kidding.

Uh, your mother's

not really dead.

Uh, I dropped that bomb

to soften the blow.

We're getting divorced.

Wh-What's happening?

Are you doing

a bit, Frank?

It's not funny.

(overlapping chatter)

Hey! Hey!

Oh, shit, man,

are you okay?

And who might you be?

Wh-What?!

Uh-oh,

he's finally lost it.

Should we toss him

in a home?

Yep.

I-I'll get the car.

N-N-No, guys, guys.

Frank fell

out my window.

We had our, like,

fire escape taken off,

and, dude, you, like, must

have hit your head real hard.

(scoffs) Look, you seem

like a really nice kid.

But my head is fine.

Oh, my God.

(gasps)

Oh, shit.

MAC:

Oh, my God.

Oh, it's his skull!

CHARLIE:

Uh, okay, Frank.

Um, what day is it?

Wednesday.

Yes.

Wrong, it's Tuesday.

Is it?

Actually, no,

it's-it's Wednesday.

He's right.

I...

Did I lose a day?

Yeah.

Okay, you know

what? I got one.

Um, what is the capital

of Pennsylvania?

Philadelphia.

Yes. No.

I don't think

that's right.

Uh, is it Pittsburgh?

Uh, at one point,

it was Philly.

I'm pretty sure.

I don't think

they change it.

MAC: All right, let's just,

let's ask something easier.

Who's the president

of the United States?

George Bush.

Nah, I was just kidding.

The real president of the United

States is Dick Cheney.

He's pulling

all the strings.

Ah, shit, Frank, what year

do you think it is?

2006.

Oh, man.

Whoa.

Well, okay, so something

clearly happened to Frank

when he fell out

of that window.

I think what happened is

he went through the window,

and the window seemed to be some

sort of portal to the year 2006.

He has a concussion.

It's not 2006.

It's crazy, but stranger

things have happened.

No, they haven't.

No, they haven't.

DENNIS: A-A-All right.

Guys, guys, guys.

You remember ten years ago

when Frank first came back,

and he wanted to, like, give

all his money away to charity

and reconnect

with his kids and shit?

Right, then he started hanging

out with Mac and Charlie,

got a taste

of the bar lifestyle

and decided he'd rather

live in squalor.

Guys, we have an opportunity

to change history.

Are you talking about taking all

his money and kicking him out?

Of course that's what I'm

talking about.

Oh, yeah, yeah,

yeah. I want to do that.

I-I want to do that.

I'm in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We got to come up

with a plan here.

What if Charlie and I take Frank

to the strip club like before,

so he keeps thinking it's 2006?

We can't repeat the same

mistakes of the past.

'Cause that might

trigger his memories.

In fact, keep Charlie

away from Frank.

I mean, he's drawn to him

for some inexplicable reason.

Dee, here's what we'll do.

You and I will

actually reconnect

with Frank this time

instead of rejecting him.

Okay, we just got to figure out

a way to get him

to write us

a check for that money.

You know what

we could do is

we could do like

a Wyclef Jean thing

and create

a charity for Haiti

and then allegedly keep

all the money for ourselves.

By the time he figures out

what the hell's going on...

♪ We'll be gone till November,

we'll be gone till November ♪

DEE AND DENNIS:

♪ And tell my baby

I'll be gone till November ♪

(mumbling lyrics)

DEE, DENNIS AND MAC:

♪ February, March, April, May ♪

♪ June, July, August,

September... ♪

You don't know the song.

You don't know the song.

There was a good

bounce to it.

All right, well, either

way, let's do that.

(sighs)

Guigino's.

DEE:

Mm-hmm.

That's a nice place.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fresh fish daily.

How do you not have fish?

Two can play at that game.

Banging your sister

is perverted.

We ever been here before?

No.

No, no...

So, so, so...

Catch me up.

How's life?

Uh, life's good, man.

Things have been,

uh, pretty good.

I'm still working towards

becoming a veterinarian.

Of course.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah.

And I'm still working

toward my dreams

of becoming a

Broadway star.

Getting close but just haven't

quite found my traction.

Right.

FRANK: Mmm,

that's okay.

You got time.

DEE: Yeah.

Youse are young.

You're what, 25, 26?

Yeah.

Eh, give it a

few more years.

If it doesn't work

out, you move on.

(chuckles)

Mm-hmm.

I mean, y-you don't want to be

almost 40 working at a bar.

Right.

Nope.

No way.

I know that I've

been a lousy dad,

but there's only one

person to blame for that:

your whore mother.

Mmm.

I don't like who

she turned me into.

The big house,

the big car.

I'm giving it all away.

To charity.

Well, that is

a great idea.

I thought you'd give me

a lot of shit for that.

Oh, no.

Man, who do you

think we are?

Oh, my gosh.

No, we are super

into helping people in need

and poor people and...

Yeah. Y-Y-Yeah, y-yeah.

Dennis and I, we

work very closely

with a charity that,

uh, that offers relief

for the Haiti disaster.

There was a

disaster in Haiti?

(stammering): Oh, oh, had

that not, had that had not...

to d... was it...?

Yeah, I-I just got to look a

quick thing up on my phone if...

DENNIS:

Um, s... Dad, uh...

Whoa, wh-wh-wh-wh-whoa.

What's that?

What is that?

My phone?

That's a phone?!

I've never seen anything

like it in my life.

That's because...

I invented it.

You invented that?

Yep.

That is genius.

Yeah, isn't it?

Dennis, I always thought you'd

be the one to move out in front.

No, it was her,

but it was her after me,

because, um, she actually

came up with that

after I had already

invented this.

You invented that?

Yeah, I invented this first,

and then she copied me.

Well, you know what

I did? I upgraded it.

I made it better.

Oh.

And I was worried

that you were gonna

spend the rest of your

lives in that crap bar.

(all laugh)

No, we're killing it.

Well, here's to

your futures.

Hey, all right.

(laughs)

(laughing):

Oh, Dee, you bitch.

This is great,

Charlie.

I am going to show you what life

could be like without Frank.

Yeah, except the first time

we came here with Frank,

we brought home two

strippers, so...

Yeah, but he banged

both of them.

Uh, true, yeah.

This time,

you and I are gonna be

the ones that bang

the strippers.

Right. Well, why do

you want to bang them?

Oh.

'Cause it's 2006, and

you're still into women.

(chuckles)

Crazy.

Huh?

You're not...

You haven't become...

Just drop it,

just drop it, just drop it.

Yeah, I-I'll drop it.

Hey!

Frankie, what's up, man?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What are you doing here?

I thought you were out

with your kids.

You mind if I sit down?

Yeah, absolutely not.

Pop a squat, Frankie.

Goddamn it, I-I...

Oh, my God.

You poor baby.

What happened

to your head?

Ooh.

Eh, it's nothing--

just a little scratch.

-No, it looks infected.

-It does?

Maybe give you

a lap dance?

(laughing, chattering)

Whoa.

Make yourself at home--

welcome to mi casa.

You got any booze?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah-- in

the bed, under the pillow.

Oh, oh.

Oh, gosh.

I love it,

it's so spacious.

It's one goddamn room.

You have a steak knife

in your bed.

Oh, well, that's

Frank's, uh...

Um, that is my toe knife.

It's your what?

Uh, that's my

t-toe knife.

For, you know, digging

the scum out of my toes...

It's disgusting, disgusting.

and cutting my nails off.

Y-You cut your toenails

with a knife?

Yeah. Well, yeah.

He does.

I mean, it's, uh...

Gross.

a cleaner cut, really.

...scum out of my toenail.

Oh, botched toe.

That is disgusting.

FRANK (echoing):

Toe knife.

Maybe I ought to try that.

I don't think you should;

can I talk to you outside

for a second?

Just one second. Thank you.

All right, all right.

Man.

Dude, we have to stop

what's going on in there.

Why? We're about to bang

a couple strippers.

Don't you see?

We're making the same mistakes

that we made

with Frank years ago.

Don't you understand?

He is on a bang path

straight to the waitress.

Oh, shit. All right,

definitely want to avoid that.

All right,

let's pull him.

Okay, yeah.

Let's pull him out.

He locked us out.

He did?!

Yes.

So it is 2006.

DEE AND DENNIS:

♪ I'll be gone till November ♪

♪ I'll be gone

till November ♪

♪ Yo, tell my girl

I'll be gone till November ♪

You know what,

say what you want about Wyclef,

he may have stolen money

from his own people,

but that man can write

a goddamn song.

Oh, nice.

Right?

He's an excellent

songwriter.

And that is an

excellent song.

Mm-hmm.

But, Dee, Dee, look.

I want to talk to you

about something, okay?

We have a once-in-a-lifetime

opportunity here.

Yes.

We have a real

second chance.

I know.

S-So I want to talk to

you about our future.

Yes.

Should we get into it?

Yes.

All right, here, sit

down for a second.

Okay.

'Cause in order

to do that,

I think we're gonna

have to get real.

Okay.

And I want to get very

real with you right now.

Yeah, go ahead.

Can I do that? Because I feel

like I'm almost coddling you.

Interesting.

But that's neither

here nor there.

I just want to get real with

you f-for a second, okay?

Yeah, go ahead.

So the acting thing.

Mm-hmm.

It's done.

But it's been done

for a long time.

I mean, you were

too old in 2006.

You're way too old now.

And you're bad at it.

Thank you.

For your honesty.

Yeah, is it...

are you cool?

Oh, so much do I appreciate

you for that.

Thank you.

Okay, good.

That must have

been hard for you.

It was.

To say.

Can I be honest with you?

I-I need you to.

Right?

Right.

Okay, so the

veterinarian thing.

Yeah.

I feel like the only reason

you wanted to be a vet

was to keep the skins.

What?

You want to keep

the skins, don't you?

There's no denying the

skins are fascinating.

It's the most fascinating

part of the animal.

The skin of any animal is

the most fascinating part,

Mmm...

but that's not why I

wanted to become...

Also you're going bald.

I'm going bald?!

What are you

talking about?!

Just in...

in the interest of being real.

Where in the hell am I

possibly going bald?

In the back of your head...

There's no evidence of that.

There's quite a bit of ev...

I'll get two mirrors;

I'll show it to you.

Don't get mirrors, because...

You're not gonna find anything.

I see fat spilling

over the back of your pants

on a pretty regular basis.

(stammers)

What the hell are

you talking about?!

I'm just trying

to let you know.

And by the way,

there's no reason

why a bald man

who enjoys skins

who has a little bit of

extra something-something

around his belly can't be

a goddamn veterinarian!

Okay, you know what, I can act!

You are a wrinkled bitch!

I'm gonna tell you something,

my characters are good.

Okay, let's stop, stop,

stop, stop, stop, stop.

I-I don't want to do

this with you, okay?

Do you see what's

happening? We're...

We just jumped right back in;

we just leapt right back in.

Into our old routines.

Same old place.

And I-I don't want

to do that, okay?

'Cause... Let's

just focus here.

Here's what

we're gonna do.

We're gonna polish

off this wine.

Yeah.

And then we're gonna open

up a new bottle of vino.

Ooh.

(chuckles)

And let's talk about

our real futures.

♪ I'll be gone

till November... ♪

To new beginnings.

♪ And tell my girl, yo,

I'll be gone till... ♪

(alarm rings)

(groans)

Dennis.

Dennis, wake up.

Aah.

(groans)

I'm up, I'm up,

I'm up.

Look what we did.

(groans)

Is that a crack pipe?

Yes.

No, no.

(groaning):

No.

No, no, no.

How'd this happen again?

(groans)

Well, it looks like we drank

everything in the entire world,

and then we went out

and bought some crack,

and we smoked it.

Yeah, a-a-all right,

that's fine.

No, n-no, we just,

we... we slipped up.

It's-it's not a big deal.

Like, we'll...

you know,

we'll... pull

ourselves together,

and we'll, you know,

we'll get back on crack.

I mean, on track.

Unless, um, you have

more crack.

No, Dennis, I don't

have more crack.

No one in the

history of crack

has ever woken up in the

morning with more crack.

(sighs) Okay, but if I'm

being honest with you,

if I'm being

very, very real,

I need to be high

on crack cocaine right now.

You know what we can do?

I've got a great idea.

Once we get

Frank's money,

we'll just take

all of that money

and put ourselves in rehab,

'cause we're not gonna

stop smoking crack.

It's all

I'm thinking about.

All right, so we just

got to figure out

another way to

get some money.

I have a idea.

Hi.

I'm a recovering

crackhead,

and this is my donkey-brained

sister that I take care of.

(hums)

I'd like some

welfare, please.

You're a recovering

crack addict,

and your sister has...

the brains of a donkey?

Mmm.

We thought that you might

be a little bit skeptical,

so we brought proof.

Dee?

Well, you clearly replaced the

name Frank with the name Dee,

and you crossed out the word

"not" on this document.

Nevertheless, I do not know

what the hell this document is.

Well, that's... that's an

official State's, uh...

I'm gonna go ahead

and stop you.

None of this

matters to me.

So I don't need

the whole song and dance.

If you want welfare...

you'll just have to fill out

a bunch of this paperwork,

'cause I'm done

with this bullshit.

This is good news.

This is great, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, times have

really changed.

They have, I know.

You just fill out

the paperwork now.

You don't have to prove

anything, you know what I mean?

You just get the money now.

Obama just gives you

the money; it's great.

There's a lot of paperwork

to fill out, though.

Yeah, could you write faster?

I need some more crack.

I'm starting to come

down pretty hard.

Okay, listen, Dee,

I'm writing as fast

as I can, okay?

I-I also want crack.

Sorry.

I don't get why we're coming

here to find a roommate.

You know, what about living

with the waitress, too?

The waitress is not going

to live with you.

This is our only

option, okay?

People in the welfare store

are in a pinch, so are you.

Yeah, that's

a good point.

Uh...

Wait.

Is that Dennis and Dee?

Hi.

Hey, guys.

Wh-What are you

doing here?

Yeah, did you get Frank

to write the check?

Dude, we're well on our way.

(chuckles)

Yeah, but in the meantime,

we came here because we need

some money to buy crack.

You guys

are smoking crack again?

It's not a big deal,

because, uh,

as soon as we get

that check from Frank,

we're just gonna zip right off

to a-a rehab program.

Yeah, we'll get in rehab.

You guys are

back on crack,

Frank brought strippers

back to my place,

we're all bumping into each

other at the welfare store,

and yet I'm the only person

who thinks it's 2006.

♪ You, you got what I need... ♪

Oh...

What?

It's him!

It's him, everyone, shut up.

Oh, it's Frank, shut up!

Okay? Shh.

Hey, Frank. Daddy.

Daddy.

Yeah. Hi,

how are you?

What's up?

No shit.

No shit!

Yes, we will be there

in just a few minutes.

Okay, bye!

What is it, what do you...

Oh, shit,

great news, guys.

Great news.

No problem with the check.

We just gotta meet

with his money man

and he's just gonna

write it to us.

Big fat check for us.

Oh, my God, yes.

We're going to see money man.

Get rid of that!

All right.

Let's go get some crack.

Yeah.

I mean the check.

We're gonna...

Right, yeah.

Get some crack.

(exhales)

Still need a

roommate, right?

Yeah, what about this guy?

Oh, come on,

man.

Don't just do

that, you know?

Knew you were

gonna do that.

Anyone else.

Look at him.

WOMAN:

Mr. Reynolds.

Lauren Kerwin.

We spoke earlier.

Hello, toots.

Hello.

(Frank cackles)

Yeah, so where's

Jer-Bear?

Mr. Doran?

Oh, um...

he-he passed away.

(laughing)

He passed...

Jerry!

Jerry, come on in here,

don't give me that.

Don't make your secretary

pull that bit on us.

Come on, Jerry.

Um, I'm not his secretary

and he's been dead for years.

Really. So...

Uh...

well, anyway,

my kids turned me on

to an idea last night.

Yeah.

All right, look, tell 'em

about your invention.

Well, the charity that...

Huh?

Not the, not the charity.

The phone.

The phone--

they're being modest.

Tell her, show her

about the phone.

Show the broad

the phone.

(exhales)

You goddamn bitch!

You wouldn't know a good idea

if it smacked you in a tit.

She's gonna be gone by 2007,

you mark my words.

DENNIS:

She's a stupid...

stupid idiot.

Yes, she's a dumb...

dumb bitch.

A stupid moron.

So, those people

on Haiti.

Now we can help them

with the mon-- your money.

No, no... Haiti?

Haiti's a lost cause.

You might as well sink

that goddamn island

What are you talking about?

DEE: (gasps)

No, not a lost cause,

no, you said you wanted

to help poor people.

I am going to help

the poor people.

I'm gonna help you,

because you are my children

and I gotta think

of your future.

W-What?

This is for you.

(inhales)

There you go.

(both inhale sharply)

Oh!

Oh, that's a lot of zeroes!

Oh, Dee...

Yeah, that's a lot of zeroes.

Yeah. We will.

Oh, Daddy, we're gonna do

such good things

with this money.

Yes.

We're gonna help people,

we're gonna invent.

Let's do it now, though.

Let's move.

Yeah, we'll go deposit it.

Invent, invent,

invent, invent, right.

That was a very good

decision-- thank you!

Do it right away,

do it right away.

(Dee giggles)

You're a great dad.

Oh, Daddy!

You're a great dad.

You're right.

(echoing):

You are crackheads, children.

MAC:

I want to thank you, gentlemen,

for your interest

in the roommate

position.

You're both

excellent candidates.

We have Edgar

and Trevor,

who is an aspiring

jazz musician.

That's interesting,

because Charlie is actually

a musician himself.

Mmm, don't really

care for jazz, though.

A lot of

unnecessary notes.

(door opens)

FRANK:

Hey!

Got room for one more?

Frank, what are

you doing here?

Charlie, the other night

was the greatest night

of my life.

I used to live like that,

in filth and squalor.

I want to do it again.

Absolutely not.

We are not doing this again.

You know what?

I'm gonna consider it.

Gah...

Frank,

have a seat.

Oh, Charlie.

Yeah, yeah,

have a seat,

all right.

Yeah, yeah.

All right,

let's begin.

Okay, uh, first topic

is cat food.

You want to lead

with that?

Mm-hmm.

Cat food.

Yeah.

Okay.

You find a can of cat

food in the apartment.

What do you

do with it?

I don't do

nothing with it.

Don't touch my shit,

I don't touch your shit.

Great.

Okay.

He-he doesn't

touch your shit...

Yeah.

That was very clear.

...and then

you don't...

So eloquent.

Very clear.

What are you writing?

I filled in half

the can of cat food.

It's sort of a

half-full answer.

Great.

Trevor, your position

on the matter?

I'd ask if the

can is yours,

and, uh, if so,

would you like me

to feed the cat?

Oh...

Oh, see,

now he assumes

that you have a cat.

Right.

Smart. He doesn't

have a cat.

CHARLIE:

Yeah, so...

Oh.

Yeah.

Kind of a waste

to-to feed a cat

that's not mine.

For me, it depends

on how hungry I was.

Or sleepy.

Oh, very interesting.

Couple of points for

Frank right there.

W-Why?

Well, I don't understand.

He gets points for...

Yeah, eating it

and then...

Well, if I was hungry

and the cat food was there,

I'd eat it.

And if you

were sleepy...

If I couldn't go to sleep...

You would...

I would eat the cat food

and go to sleep.

'Cause it might

make you go to sleep!

All right.

In what scenario

do you not eat

the cat food?

I would always eat the cat food.

Yeah, no.

Exactly right.

See, now there's a man

who's-who's thinking

on his feet.

MAC: Trevor is

a great roommate.

He's a nice guy;

he doesn't have

the experience, though.

Experience? In what?

Well, all these good things.

Let's keep talking.

Hey, I'm sorry,

am I... too late?

Oh.

Wow, hi.

What-what are you

doing here?

I called her, actually.

I left her a message

'cause I thought she might need

a place to live.

The last couple of years

have been pretty rough on me,

and now I'm living

in a women's shelter, so...

Oh...

Yeah, I figured that.

'Cause she's the worst.

Is the apartment

still available or not?

Well, yeah, it's

definitely available.

Great.

Yes!

Oh, I've brokered a deal!

Oh, no, come on, Charlie.

I-I'm sorry, Frank,

but you know I'm not gonna

give up an opportunity

to have The Waitress

as a roommate.

A roommate?

N-n-n... no, no.

No, no, you did not say that.

You did not say

he would still

be living here.

MAC: That's true,

I did not say that,

because I didn't think

you would come if I did.

Yeah, well, you're goddamn right

I wouldn't have come.

I am not living with Charlie.

Are you kidding?

I would rather live

on the streets.

You'd rather live

on the streets?

Yeah.

What? Ow!

Ow, my God!

What are you doing?

Put me down!

What the hell

are you doing?

Charlie, what

are you doing?

Ow!

I was gonna throw her

out the window

and send her

back to 2006!

You were going

to throw me out the window?

What the hell

is wrong with you?!

CHARLIE:

It's a time portal!

Back in time!

We could start over again!

(arguing continues)

This is really good.

(echoing):

This is ham soaked in rum.

Rum ham, rum ham.

...and make me another.

Rum ham!

Who wants rum ham?

(screaming)

Rum ham.

You are such a psycho.

CHARLIE:

The window is

a time portal

to 2006.

What is he

talking about?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What the hell's everybody doing

in my apartment?

We having a gang bang?

Oh, my God. Get...

get the hell out of my way.

Welcome back,

Frankie!

(laughing)

Oh, the farts, man.

That's good.

Oh. Oh, the fart.

TELLER:

I'm sorry,

I can't cash this check.

Why? I mean,

I know the number's really,

really big, but the check

is real. Are you sure you...

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's a real check.

No, it's outdated.

No, he just wrote it yesterday.

No, it is clearly

dated 2006.

♪ Oh, baby, you got

what I need... ♪

Goddamn it.

Son of a bitch.

Captioned by

Media Access Group at WGBH

♪ But you say

he's just a friend ♪

♪ But you say he's just

a friend ♪

♪ Oh, baby, you ♪

♪ Got what I need ♪

♪ But you say

he's just a friend ♪

♪ But you say he's just

a friend ♪

♪ So I took Blah Blah's word

for it at this time ♪

♪ I said just havin' a friend

couldn't be no crime ♪

♪ 'Cause I have friends

and that's a fact ♪

♪ Like Agnes, Agatha,

Germaine, and Jack ♪

♪ Forget about that,

let's go into the story ♪

♪ About a girl named Blah

Blah Blah that adored me... ♪

(trumpet playing off-key)