Original subtitles

good morning it's a sunny November

Friday

and hey it's a week before Thanksgiving

and believe it or not only five weeks

until Christmas and that means only five

more chances for you to win so call now

and if you're our 55th caller

you'll be one of this week's lucky

people eligible to win our weekly

holiday vacation giveaway a trip for two

to beautiful Playa del Carmen Mexico so

call now for that special stocking

stuffer for that special someone

hello hi hi my name is Hilary bird

oh it's my fiancee calling just can you

just hang on one second don't go

anywhere okay Jason I got through to the

radio station hang on hang on

hi hey there hi okay yes my number is um

five five five eight six five six yes

okay thank you thank you what Oh my

favorite Christmas song yeah that's easy

um it's Gloria you know angels we hover

okay thank you we are finally in the

running bird trip to Mexico it could be

our honeymoon what Mexico Hilary we have

palm trees and sand here

Hilary's are you there honey hang on

hang on it's my mom on the machine once

I need to know is that fiance of yours

will eat yam I've never met anyone who

would turn down my yam casserole but

Hilary golly honey she wants to know if

you like yams you like games don't you

that's not next weekend is it yes me

that is traditionally Thanksgiving

weekend I don't know if I can do it now

I have three cases I have to research I

have a carrier I'm not bailing on me

again

I promised my mother that you would

finally meet you I mean seriously there

sure you think I made you up okay fine

but I have to bring work with me Dave

Wi-Fi yes Oh there play my favorite

Christmas song listen what

oh gotta go

yes mr. Chappell oh hello hello hey I'm

a little freaked out that you picked

this to sign rent can we've just done

that safe little loose felis Street fair

Sophie this is the real deal

these people they lost their livelihoods

their savings at home you should be

hungry for a story like this well it's

after 2:00 and all I'm hungry for isn't

lunch let's eat I can't save him

appetite Jason's taking me out to dinner

spirit that man is a serious snag his

only dating profile would be so perfect

no one would believe it tall dark

handsome lawyer who's responsible and

financially sound please and I finally

have a man but they combed the holidays

I don't have to listen to my mother

preach to me about how I'm gonna be a

spinster or lesbian or both Wow

that's just sad well at least he's

employed

he's our first interview come on let's

go hi excuse me

my name is Hillary Byrnes I'm with the

postcard Harold can I ask you if your

question good is this your full-time job

I think is my full-time job I'm sorry I

really I can't hear you in there yeah

hey I said acting is my full-time job

and today I'm playing a large cell phone

yeah oh crap I knew it

come on we gotta go back to the office

right now why what's going on the paper

went bankrupt it's shutting down

ayuh well actually the readership of

books newspapers and magazines has been

on decline for years

cell phone guys right so do I preach

great

[Music]

you need that job I mean it's not even a

real job anyway right it was just some

part-time thing what does it matter I

don't know did you read the piece I did

last month about the local pound yeah

sure

we saved like a hundred animals being

euthanized well you know when we're

married you're not gonna have to work I

want to work fine you can busy yourself

throwing benefits and fundraisers for

every single dog pound kennel and

petting zoo and a hundred mile radius of

Pittsburgh Pittsburgh a new VP position

opened up in our Pittsburgh office and I

guarantee I am the top pick for this

position why because I have my

priorities straight and I'm ruthless and

sharp l knows it

I have proven them time and time again

that I'm not afraid to make the tough

decisions and that's what brings the

money in okay so if you get this

promotion we'll be moving to Pittsburgh

sure why not it's where the money is

because all our friends are here my

family's here and we have a life here

am I gonna do in Pittsburgh

be my wife

you're such a good lawyer I'm sure

there'll be other promotions right um no

maybe something closer to home right I

[Music]

have to get this mr. Chappell yes I've

already looked it over and you can

consider it done

I've already gone with the entire mixer

[Music]

I'm not letting him keep one foot out

the door hey do not have Wi-Fi internet

forget it no I'm not eating and badge

late night snacking will not make me fat

okay I gotta go see you next weekend

love you bye

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

oh maybe we should set a date now that

I'm not working I actually have time

planning a wedding

what do you think about March or April

spring weddings are always the prettiest

plus you get the nicest flowers but then

there's always the rain you think we

should get our kids baptized I mean I'm

not really here they're about it I guess

we can let them make their own decision

and then we'll guide them of course

oh we're not the circumcision I was

watching this documentary about it and

they say it's more hygienic but I'm not

really sure I don't think this is gonna

work what the baptism of the

circumcision US Hillary I don't think

we're gonna work

what

look I need a partner in life a wife

who's going to go I need to go and do

what I need to do and be excited about

my accomplishments I can't get dragged

down by somebody who's out saving dogs

and cats and God knows what else

Jason it's just about moving to

Pittsburgh I'm all moved it's Burke look

I just I have to stay focused and mobile

to advance in my career I gotta keep my

priorities straight believe me this is

one of those tough decisions but it's

for the best for both of us I just I

can't make a mistake not now

every couple mistake just I have to get

this just just

[Music]

he's a jerk I knew he was too good to be

true but my mom was right maybe I let

him keep one foot out the door oh god I

have to go I mean listener go on and on

and on it but I she's always right and

I'm always gonna be alone maybe he just

got cold feet

I think would you even still want him if

he came back love that song all right

it's time to pick the winner for this

week's K jwn weekly holiday vacation

giveaway and the lucky winner is Hillary

Byrnes oh my god you want

oh my god you want all of my sisters

found perfect men and I can't even get

one in the door is that it is that what

would make you happy right now to bring

home a man for Thanksgiving I just can't

go home all alone I just can't face it I

can't do it not now oh it's my mother

okay look all you have to do just post

this with a flirty little intro video of

your pretty face and voila fake fiance

needed for Thanksgiving dinner must be

mother friendly two first-class tickets

to Playa del Carmen Mexico for services

rendered I am not giving away my tickets

what are you gonna honeymoon alone I

thought you come with me yeah okay

I'm sit around and watch you cry over

too many margaritas no thanks

all you have to do is click I'll help

you do the video

you really think it's a good idea to

bring a stranger home or possibly a site

go to my parents house for Thanksgiving

Quinn's a cop we'll have him do a

background check your brother is a

security guard Hilary I just wanted you

to know I planned a small family

gathering when you and Jason arrived I

just hope we won't be disappointed again

Trish and Gil have canceled their trips

of friends to be here and joy and Peter

are coming and everyone is so excited to

meet the elusive fiance of yours does

Jason prefer dark or white meat I hope

he eats are seeing and feel and Peter

why that would be to a nice family of

course if he preferred whites welcome to

my affair although it would be polite

okay thanks to your video I am Hillary

and I just got dumped yesterday less

than 24 hours ago so uh you can imagine

I'm kind of miss doing this buddy right

yeah much cut cut cut hello guys I'm

gonna work out

hi hi okay hi I'm Hillary and I need a

man for Thanksgiving badly I need a man

so badly that I'm willing to do anything

and I mean anything so creepy I got the

shivers hi Mexico hi my name is Hillary

and although this might seem a little

crazy okay a lot crazy I need to hire a

fake fiance to bring home to my family

for Thanksgiving in return you will

receive two free first-class tickets to

Playa del Carmen Mexico so just record a

quick video intro posted to this page

and we'll get back to you

thank you how is that really good yeah

yeah really good

it's nuts

[Music]

whoa but who is it come in I can't

believe it I knew it would work

look at all of these all right

Mexico's got some Sookie is way it's man

I mean after the weekend's over Hill in

to serve son sir Sir sir small whoa can

I have him these days the single scene

is so hard where are you gonna meet a

quality person I have tried bars I tried

restaurants and passionate athletic

spontaneous I do have irritable bowel

syndrome but I do like to run on the

beach not for a great offices but time

permitting okay so you see those takes

the next ball right so really to get the

mask

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

what he had nice abs open road so beam

I'm telling you it's only wait a little

bit man

winning hair Sun on your face of babe on

your board sweet indeed oh I knew this

was a bad idea

hey what about that Ted character he was

alright he said he was married woman and

what about Greg my mother would never

believe he's a lawyer I don't know oh we

got another request for a live chat

should I say yes no Greg hey can I call

you back sure hello Hillary no I'm

Sophie just hang on one sec come over

here oh come on just talk to him he's

cute she kind of looks like Jason hello

hi is everything okay over there

depending on what you mean by okay

everything's great why don't you tell us

a bit about yourself oh okay my name is

David I'm an actor Oh perfect

I'm 33 years old I'm a Libra if that

matters hey wait I know you

you're the cell phone guy in the costume

that's right and you're the reporter

yeah I was sorry to hear about the

newspaper shutting down did you lose

your job or what do you think right

sorry

obvious for what it's worth I got fired

playing a big red cell phone zone oh I'm

sorry

dumpy you could help me save my very

last

if I can't book a job playing a fake

fiance for a weekend I should probably

call it quits well I warned you hanging

with my family for the weekend isn't

easy but comes with a free turkey dinner

and two tickets to Mexico so if you're

still interested definitely sign me up

great okay well um I guess we'll run a

background check

thingy okay sure are you free to meet

Hillary tomorrow face-to-face sure thing

Hey so I Facebook them he hasn't

responded and when you google I'm the

only thing that comes up are a few

photos of him on Flickr with some chick

named Lindsay on a beach so looks like

he's not a psycho he's just another

out-of-work loser actor you sound like

my agent oh hi hi okay well there it is

yeah um you two have fun great bye

so I checked out yeah seems like it

do you have any clothes that aren't

coffee stained or shaped with a giant

cell phone oh definitely okay yeah yeah

I'm know do you think that Jason is more

of a corporate lawyer type all right

what kind of car do you drive

uh 98 Jeep Grand Cherokee fully loaded

we'll take my car

okay I'm gonna friend you on facebook

accept my request click on all my family

photo albums memorize all the names

everybody's clearly marked okay will do

okay well I guess I'll pick you up here

tomorrow 8:00 a.m. sharp sounds good

okay sorry I don't know what's going on

here with the thing the hair I'll take

care of it yeah okay yes I'm gonna buy

your coffee

you clean up real good thank you

you look nice yourself and don't forget

my parents are very excited that you are

a lawyer about that I don't know if I'm

gonna be able to pull that off director

okay hit me with the family breakdown

okay Meredith mother housewife

extraordinaire Roy dad and Councilman

your younger sister is Trish tree right

right Trish is the middle one and her

husband is Gil and Joy's fiancé's name

is John Paul Peter you gotta get these

straight they're all gonna be at the

party party yeah it's no big deal just

family so how long were you and Jason

engaged we dated for seven months we

were engaged for two Wow

she's he's under a lot of pressure

really stress you got this big job

promotion offer in Pittsburgh so oh look

here we are

[Music]

okay just remember say as little as

possible and follow my lead

here we go you know you could wash that

car every once in a while

what about Jason's Tesla I wanted to

ride in there oh that was my fault I

wanted to save on mileage so we took the

jetta instead oh well at least we

finally get to meet Jason you're

practically part of the family now okay

well let's go in okay come on in here I

thought you said this was family only

well I didn't want the whole town to

think that you were gonna be a spinster

forever

everyone this is Hilary's fiance Jason

hi hi Oh

yeah

[Music]

go feed her she's started just a minute

okay hi so Jason seems to be a big hit

yeah yeah we're at Gilbert he might just

put a place in Southampton oh yeah we

really wanted the baby baptized in New

York you know the st. Patrick's

Cathedral

I'll bet mom you know insisted that we

do it here so she doesn't know but we're

gonna do it again when we get back

anyway that way he can invite his

friends and associates have a

Manhattan's gonna be there huh

where is Gil Gil is at a polo tournament

yeah he'll be here soon

Desiree I told you not to so Jason yeah

you were that firmness defending that

schmuck shawarma shawarma yeah man he's

as guilty as they come if you ask me

milking all those suckers out of their

life savings you know Frank I think

everybody's considered innocent till

proven guilty moon isn't them right

Jason yeah mr. burns call me yes

pleasure to meet you Roger you know they

said it feel to be defending a crook

like that well I you know what once you

get yourself some eggnog I just whipped

up a fresh batch thanks the practice

comes for the eggnog yeah so listen what

kind of cases do you do you do I don't

know fraud or extortion or money

laundering yeah yeah I do all of those

come on dad leap for Jason alone he

spent enough time at the office already

lawyer ring if you play yes but quite

badly

you know when Hillary was young she is

the same oh no oh no no no okay

everybody it's time to show the

engagement ring where did you see this

beauty so III where's the ring III yeah

that's a funny story

actually right sweetie it turns out

Hillary lost a few pounds and the ring

doesn't fit anymore

this morning she's taking a shower she

gets out of the shower and the ring

falls off her finger into the toilet she

calls me hysterical crazy I was crazy

crazy she was she was freaking out I get

there so what do I do

it's go time so I get down there on my

knees and I I go in there I go in there

I go in deep I can feel it I can feel it

right there the reason there it's there

it gets away it gets away then I have to

I have to go a little bit deeper and I'm

reaching for it and no deeper deeper yes

for me it small hands it's certain I can

feel it right right on the edge of my

finger right there it's right there and

I got it got the ring ring yeah oh my

god we decided leave it home till we get

it resized yeah yeah it's better safe

than sorry

right sweetie arched

oh yeah Jake hey he'll isn't it I

thought you quit I did so is my fiance

boring yours with his foot talking no

but I think David's got his hands pretty

full

did I say David and Jason of course

David's a friend I was on the phone with

him you know you could have warned me

okay that's what sisters are for

sorry I got sidetracked well I guess we

better go back in there you okay yeah

hey don't tell mom about this yeah but

if mom has anything else to surprise me

with can you please tell me deal thank

you the key to keeping your feet healthy

is staying away from the feets worst

enemies do you know what those are jeez

no III don't know thank you so much

there's Hilary I'm gonna we'll do the

feet thing later oh wait you do pictures

taken

[Music]

[Music]

okay honey don't you still be in this

bull besides I don't expect you to have

separate rooms just separate beds

if you need extra pillows or blankets

just ask me that's okay mom I think I

know where everything is okay darling

can you sleep well

we have a busy date that's okay I'll

take the card no okay well you take it

tonight I'll take it tomorrow night

do you want okay I'm gonna go get change

for bed okay

sorry no I'm sorry I thought you were

still in the Java space uh no I don't uh

I don't wear pajamas so I didn't bring

it okay it's finals fine see if my dad

has I'm great

daddy daddy re not guilty sorry what

sorry I came to ask you Jason could

borrow some pajamas oh I don't have any

your mother and I sleep in the rock Oh

since when since Joey went off to

college we ran around naked for a week

you should see this guy this Jason he

treats you right nothing yeah of course

what do you love him

what music uestions should be an easy

answer dad I'm marrying the guy so do

you love him

yes I do

okay these are right after all all you

need is love did I need daddy

[Music]

aliens

but I just wanted that and you know that

I may have lucked into some tickets to

Playa del Carmen and I thought maybe you

might want to go so I know we haven't

been there since you know anyway call me

if you want to go and Happy Thanksgiving

ah

[Music]

morning morning sweetheart

anybody seen Jason he's outside with dad

what are they doing out there well your

father got it in his head that he was

gonna deep-fry the turkey this year ooh

boy

where's the tricia girl Trish I sold the

hotel Gil hasn't shown up yet why are we

staying at a hotel when there's plenty

of room here

well with Emma and the nanny maybe they

felt they'd be a bother I don't even

know why Trish has a net I mean come on

felt like she's ever had a job but it's

nice that her husband can afford to give

her whatever she wants he's just never

around

how about Jason how much does here mom

Oh sweetie yeah I just want to make sure

that you're cared for oh come on mom it

is the 21st century you don't need to be

cared for you have our own jobs right Oh

actually the newspaper I was working for

shut down oh honey not again well it's

not my fault nobody reads newspapers

anymore everything's on the Internet

Wow just in time I want you to tell me

if my casserole is Sweden oh I'm sorry

I'm not fan Oh ginger he's such a joker

he loves yams like I said he loves you I

made that with Splenda instead of sugar

maybe just a little more time here it's

really funny

is he really is he's so funny such a

kidder well I just hope he's more

serious when it comes to setting a

wedding date mom please don't start

honey I'm sorry if I seem a little

anxious it's just that I have been

deprived of planning the weddings for

not one but two of my daughters there we

go can't you girls understand that a

mother wants to plan her daughter's

wedding Oh since you were babies I've

dreamed of this and then to find out

that Tricia eloped to an island

well what about joy Joy's engaged yeah

joy yeah yeah yes she is

and has been for two years I will be six

feet under by the time she sets a date

I'm sorry if I'm a little upset but but

honey it's come down to you you're the

only one I can count on I'm her 21st I

didn't want to tell you I wanted to we

were gonna surprise you at dinner but

that's it

December 21st you're getting married on

December 21st

okay I have two books in the community

hall and and call girls greenery and

even open something small and once we

get this baby boiling you just rigged

the bird up to this line just drop it in

the oil huh whatever you say all right

let's fire this bad boy up all right get

that would you yeah let me ask you

something uh-huh represent a councilman

or a politician no not personally but

you could huh sure good to know good to

know uh wait don't you want to wait

until the oil he keep talking about well

missing the game sites gonna take half

an hour to get boiling come on oh okay

so it's me know things are not going

well at all I just told my mom that

David and I are getting married in a

month you're marrying David now that was

quite no no me and Jason I just blurted

it out that we were getting married on

December 21st eat what this is not some

funny on speaker well no because what if

Jason really did get cold feet and and

he's gonna come back to me because I

mean more than one Pittsburgh and then

the wedding is already planned which is

which is actually not that crazy no it's

crazy he'll it's super crazy I know

that's crazy what we gonna do

Oh God enough Surf's Up I'm Greg's gonna

be here any minute I gotta go why your

heart just ride the wave just ride the

wave Sophie Sophie

[Music]

you know Roy I think it's probably been

30 minutes we go check on the pot do you

know I could use a little you know mm

legal counsel oh well you're a

councilman right eh I'm sure you have a

great lawyer he's a little too involved

you know what I mean mmm anyway what

would be better than keeping it in the

family all right well I guess I better

go drop that burden oil oh yeah you sure

you don't need a hand with that no no I

got it covered

ticklish hi that is beeping ah thank you

Peter

can I have my foot back man like oh of

course thank you welcome

oh look at the replay right there

the quarterback faked him out

anything important Oh No

Oh

[Music]

it looks like your dad's contractions

actually gonna work out

[Applause]

[Music]

for the love of well this isn't so bad I

[Music]

asked for Seltzer this looks like tap

water with cheese floating in assignees

burns you can see which old boyfriend

hasn't amounted to much the benefit that

he was attending ran late so now he's

snowed in in New York well that's too

bad I know who they were here he could

have gotten us a table at the golf club

then we wouldn't have to eat in this

dump

hey it's not snowing in New York hmm you

know Gilbert has a Platinum membership

to all the rest clubs well I'm not a big

golf fan so this place suits me just

fine no I thought you said that you met

Jason at a charity golf tournament that

you were covering for that paper yeah

that's right yeah I'm not a fan of the

golf but you know like a spectator but I

just play but very very badly very very

badly that's why they gave you a car

yeah just LA right yes he bought your

car at the terminus and a new interview

the winner it give me you mm-hmm he

forgets everything where you don't eat

yeah I think you sandbagging aren't you

know I know and my super oh okay my name

is Paco and I'll be your server this

holiday evening

would you like to hear about our

specials ha seguro

okay well basically what we have is

anything that's chicken poyo we switch

that out for water load a day that means

turkey and that turkey tacos are

particularly delicious tonight my name

David yes hey it's Julian but my name is

Jason Jason Jason is my name no it's not

yes Jason but my David is my middle name

so there's confusion 500k all righty

it's been a while since we did that bus

and truck to repair together

Oh God you look good are you still in

the biz yes

so what are you doing oh you're looking

at it tonight Mary yeah but I had to

move back in with my parents to get a

more stable career going on here am all

right

gracias de nada I'll be there you never

sound anyway I'll be back in a minute to

get your orders just where do the Y's

don't complain those rancheros I had

them for breakfast I feel like there's a

knife in my colon happy turkey day

everyone all right

hmm so Jason David what is are you still

in oh I'm in the law are you a little

pro bono work

um Peregrine and I represented I'm

filled cedar company a few years back

film defeater people or so hmm I'm crazy

um I know some salsa mm-hmm thank you

he's a Kimber hmm how did you forget we

went over that at least half a dozen

times

I've never played golf before it's not a

part of my repertoire what was all that

with the crazy waiter in the diner we

were in a production of hair eight years

ago how was I supposed to know he'd end

up in where are we anyway is everything

okay diner Oh what mix-up well I'm

pooped

oh I'm poop - that's not every day we

blow up a turkey around here oh you know

dinner was actually kind of fun and the

Mexican food wasn't half bad not as good

as your turkey dinner would have been

wasn't even close

you know if Hillary doesn't kick me to

the curb maybe I'll be lucky enough to

try it next year well you know I didn't

want to deep-fry that turkey in the

first place but when Roy gets an idea

stuck in his head

stuffing three pies and and my ham

casserole which is always better on the

second day mm-hmm that is so true you

know it's getting late uh-huh so you go

to bed get a good night's sleep and

we'll see you in the morning okay good

night you're trying to sleep on the cop

I'm sorry no no it was me I dropped the

ball I just I don't know why you're

doing this I mean I know you want the

tickets but there's gotta be an easier

way to get to Mexico

Gallardo Carmen that's where I met my

girlfriend or rather my ex-girlfriend I

guess I thought that if I took her back

to the resort when we met and I don't

know it might reignite the spark or

something but I didn't have enough money

for the ticket so well I'm sure it'll

work I hope so I mean she's kind of

dating this other guy right now oh did

she call every time they break up me so

obviously she deep down she really

doesn't want to be with him mmm

so here they get that guy what what you

get that guy you know the guy she calls

to get back at her ex no I'm not that

guy he's that guy well when you met her

what she's seeing him

no they're just broken up see no no no

it's not like that yep they broke up

uh-huh and then we met it and then we

were you know together like a couple for

how long uh for no five weeks mmm and

then she went back to him yeah but she

keeps calling me all right it may look

like I'm the get back guy but I know

that all she needs to do is get away

from that that hold he has on her and

then she can realize that what she

really wants is me okay

trust me I know her she's materialistic

and sentimental so this could work maybe

I mean that the ticket thing are you

hungry

you know I always bombed in the post

close down job was my Sunday morning

read I love that funky Ray I know the

end of an era so are you gonna find

another game reporting rich me I don't

know I mean the only reason why I got

that job was because my friend Sophie

worked there and I needed it and thawing

very good at it you wrote that article a

few weeks back about the animal shelter

right yeah I mean well you must have

some talent

he's thanks to you that I am now the

proud owner of the same dog you were

hugging in that photo you rescued

skittles from the house Chester because

of what I wrote yeah

all these names whiskey no no I'm gonna

miss the post no I mean I get all the

news I can handle online but I'll hold

something you know not just my laptop

but an actual newspaper yeah I love brim

who's just print is dead let's start a

revolution being a friend

nice what about you how's your acting

coming my acting it's not really going

anywhere this and that cell phone gig

are the only paying jobs I've had in a

while

oh look at the pair of us jumped

unemployed and eating sugar and carbs

I'm innocent right I don't know we

should take this upstairs great idea

only two more days failed mmm hello we

just go with it

no let's not pressure of up let's get

out of here go sightseeing or something

flatten your you totally snore right

what no way oh my god yes way

Wow no oh sorry you startled me

it's beautiful oh well it will be you do

this all yourself every year

Wow it's impressive well I started doing

this one year when the girls were very

young and they were convinced that Santa

Clauses elves decorated the house so I

have to keep going well your secret's

safe with me

thank you um tonight

[Music]

I'm sorry uh okay

there is a wreath over there that I had

designed for the mantle yes sir pick it

up very carefully and it belongs right

on the mantel in the center okay watch

yourself on that ladder up I got it

thank you Jason

don't worry about it it's a little

crooked there no I I mean thank you for

Thanksgiving and for being such a good

sport today and thank you for loving my

daughter she loves you very much you

know I can see it in their face well

I'll over to mrs. burns Oh call me

Meredith please or mom if you like

listen that can I give you a hand with

anything else sir

after 20-some years I've got it down to

a science

all right I'll um head up the bed man

good night Jason good night good night

mom

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hey Hillary yeah you see this oh yeah my

mom does this every year after

Thanksgiving it's her tradition we were

little we used to think it was elves or

something so she does that all by

herself oh yes she never lets any of us

help except with the tree and that's

just because she can't lift it herself

or believe me she would she could we

offer to help her over the years but oh

no that's our special Christmas thing

I was looking for

I know you're only here for a few more

days but we have to find the perfect

wedding dress and pick the China and the

linens and the cake Oh mom you don't

need us for all that and I can I can get

the dress back home well okay it's just

that all of my friends went with their

daughters to pick out their wedding

dresses and I thought you might want to

do these things but you know if you want

to go with someone else I understand

that's fine I think you should go huh

I mean don't with it isn't that what

brides are supposed to do go dress

shopping with their mother yes of course

yeah but you only think it's a good idea

to go shopping on Black Friday oh we

have no choice if we go after all the

best dresses will be gone oh and Jason

I'd like you to go with us to pick the

China oh I don't need to go I mean I'm

sure I'll love whatever Hilary picks out

she knows me better than anyone

well that's perfect give us some time to

catch up and maybe get a little old free

counsel Hasan you know come to think of

it Roy I'm gonna be eating off those

plates for the rest of my life so let's

go shopping

oh I'm gonna walk over here okay

mom look oh it's beautiful

here hold my purse Thanks are you almost

ready Hilary it looks beautiful very

much thank you oh darling yeah yeah so

what's going on with you and Jason

nothing my point exactly

for two young lovebirds I don't see much

affection no kiss no hug mom he's just

not a touchy-feely guy don't worry about

I just want to be able to see your

marriage succeed you know most marriages

fall apart first in the bedroom you know

your father and I make love three times

a week

ah my ears are bleeding oh stop well we

made that agreement when we got married

your father and I knew was important

that in spite of anything we would make

time now in death I just don't want to

see you screw this up Jason's a good

catch who odd and nervous like aspect I

like him he's good for you

I can see it I'm never wrong I know Oh

up there Oh sweetheart you just you look

so beautiful

pretty Oh is she getting married well

yes of course I'm not oh my therapist

says that I should visualize what I want

and it will manifest itself well that

sounds like a very good strategy I want

that dress I'll take it

that's beautiful thank you nice man yeah

that is my fiancees dress

oh you stop first it's mine okay can I

have you please yeah look of your away

we're dress my bride just between you

and I how would you advise a client to

proceed if it was discovered that let's

say it was bidding money for selling I

don't know folks probably advise that

person to stop talking about it and

definitely not telling the owner to

there's no one yeah that's it hey so

what do you like better cups or bucks I

don't know I think I think we get better

you've set of mugs and what do you think

table setting for eight or twelve

Hillary Clinton talk outside

okay you do be a lesson we're not

actually getting married right yeah yeah

yeah but what if Jason actually did get

cold feet I mean a lot of people think

they want to move to Pittsburgh and then

they change their mind mm-hmm Hey look

sharp kids there is someone here to see

you

father a thief what are you doing here

well sweetie your wedding is in less

than a month you really should have met

with father Macy weeks ago so I invited

him over oh hi oh hello father Macy hi

father

Jason so is there somewhere we could go

and talk well it's a beautiful day why

don't you take a walk perfect let's

let's so Jason you're going to marry

Hilary that's what they keep telling me

Hilary you're finally getting married

I'm so very happy for you alone hall

hasn't it

I guess I don't you both beginning

nervous I won't be asking me personal

questions if you know what I mean I

think we all know the ways of the birds

and the bees but in all seriousness I

would like to make sure that you're both

headed on the same path that you share

the same ideals and beliefs for if not

the marriage could suffer so Jason tell

me which church were you raised in well

I didn't actually go to church nor God

understands the one must not be in his

house to love him amen are you Roman

Catholic no Protestant mm-hmm LDS Jewish

Jewish

well I see I'm sure you understand and I

would not be able to perform sera me

know we had we talked about this and

Jason has no problem converting actually

I owe a wonderful idea I'm gonna Jason

baptized at the same time as Emma

I don't know I'm Trish I don't yeah that

could Wow no come on it's just a

formality it's not that big a deal

I'm the Jewish Jewish what are you even

talking about my grandma Turtletaub with

role in her grave if she knew I was

doing this we'll be so disappointed if

we don't have a wedding at her church

what way Hilary we're not really getting

married oh my god I'm so sorry this is

so stupid you're right this is so stupid

what am i doing this stupid I mean Here

I am trying to do everything to make my

mother happy and for what to set her up

for my greatest disappointment ever

that's so foolish the thing Jason is

actually coming back he's not coming

back I mean he's in Pittsburgh he's he's

happy to be rid of me and even if he did

come back up my how can I explain that

it's not like you two are exactly twin

brothers

here just give the voucher numbers to

the airline for your tickets you take

them you earn them but the weekends not

even over yet please I couldn't expect

you to stay when the crap hits the fan I

mean God knows you've been doing up

alright so this is it the engagements

off

yes engagements up Derrick trainer or

something I should catch ya um you

missed the 5:30 but I think there's an

11:30

one that's that's better I should

probably wait to leave until after

everyone's going to bed

so thanks sure

yeah besides your pack yes I do I will

leave you alone

[Music]

well that was fun right yeah good luck

with everything

Thanks you do hope you find the spark

and Mexico Thanks

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I love joy my mom really doesn't like

you joy

yeah he says call you tomorrow

the reader from the diner yeah so uh you

can tell mom no no of course not

thanks Stu and I dated for a couple

months before mom set me up with the

foot man she thoughts do wasn't good

enough so she worked her magic and the

next thing I knew this too is out of the

picture and I was engaged to Pete the

podiatrist

is that why you haven't set a date

mm-hmm

don't get me wrong Pete's a good man a

little weird hmm but good guy I just

don't love him not like I would still so

what's really going on you and Jason

Jason dumped me a week ago so I hired an

actor named David to play my fiance for

the weekend you what wait wait okay

so where did Jason or David go left just

I don't know you just have to smile oh

wow but you like him David you like

David hey wait I don't like David I

don't even know David it's crazy like to

you but I thought he was adorable what

pages dumb my life was complicated yeah

mom yes there's something I have to tell

you about Jason he dumped me I am well

aware of what's going on you are yes I

saw him leaving last night

oh that's just part of it that's not

Hilary Jean I have to say this

sweetheart

when are you going to get serious you

are not a spring chicken anymore

30s in the rear view mirror and you have

nothing to show for it

no career no direction and now I guess

no Jason guess again

I'm sitting in his car I thought I'd

invite mom August 20 Thailand

just so everyone knows for the record

none of this is Hillary's fallible Oh No

okay so eat you're gonna kiss and make

up

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should I call father Macy I don't know

no no that's fine

call him call it this I just go unpack

[Music]

[Music]

thank you

hey we had a deal right so is your is

your ex or whatever is she going to

Mexico

yep well that's nice you guys should

have a good time I don't know about me

I'm sure she and Peggy will have a great

time I mean she thought I was giving her

the tickets oh so now she and Peggy are

gonna go to Mexico now to wait for Matt

god I'm such an idiot

all this time I thought that maybe she

actually cared about me but you're right

she was just using me

it's the story of my life always they

get back guy never just the guy you know

don't give her those tickets

what am I gonna do it the tickets to

Mexico oh that's too late anyway she's

already halfway up there I'm supposed to

meet her at the diner in like ten

minutes

oh I gotta go how do I look great no I

feel like I maybe should have worn the

Armani so I heard about you and Jason

you know how I think you need to be

careful Jason's a good catch and good

men are few and far between if you

really feel like he's the one you got a

sink tooth and nail into keeping him

look at killin me y'all could have had

his pick of the crop but I made sure

that he married me sure I have to put up

with his absences but he's a man

and you can't change them I get it but

if you don't get it you better be sure

that there's me somebody next in line

who will men aren't perfect but that

Jason years comes pretty close yeah he's

pretty special you know Gil provides for

me and now all I want is for Emma and

whoever this is to have everything that

they deserve you're pregnant yeah but

don't say anything I haven't even took

Gilly yet I was so do the ticket yeah

about that um you know what I told you

about these tickets I was kind of hoping

that you and I would go wait don't Matt

find out that I'm going to Mexico right

kids can we not talk about Matt maybe

I'm so pissed I'm so sorry I'm late I

had to make the caterers I had another

dress fitting I'm sorry and you are

Lindsey Lindsey Lindsey Lindsey David

told me all about you and Playa del

Carmen god I guess I'm lucky you found

it's a party girls huh did you send her

an invite to our wedding wait you didn't

Saturday night it happened so fast oh

that's right it was just boom like that

love at first sight isn't that right

sweet David can I just have the tickets

please mm-hmm David actually why I'm

here I have to admit when he first told

me about your saying in Mexico I was

jealous I was in the heat of the moment

I told him to give the routers away

right cuz it's not like we're gonna have

a

where he met some girl but then I woke

up this morning and I was like no you

know what that passes the pass the heck

with it

I mean he's marrying me not you so I

went online I traded in the vouchers and

[Music]

some for the wedding night

Tiger fine I guess I'll just be going

then thanks for nothing David hmm Oh

Lyndsey I'm so sorry I just had no idea

what Hilary was capable of it's very

impressive

bye Lindsay I'm sorry a little carried

away with them oh yeah it's a good thank

you

yeah no thank you it's out 24 more hours

and we pulled it up yep you all right

yeah yes I'm good I'm just you know I'm

happy we pulled it off but it still

doesn't change the fact back to my mom

you and I Jason and I rather her through

yeah you know if we want we could pull

out a knock-down drag-out fight for your

family then they wouldn't want you to

marry Jason or we could postpone the

wedding blame it on my grueling work

schedule and then I come back around

Easter you keep this thing going until

next Thanksgiving oh you're very sweet

but you're done enough oh you should

just take those tickets and run use

their vacation besides

maybe you'll find a new sperm

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angels we have heard on high sweetly

singing the plains and the mountains in

reply echoing then achoo strengthens

[Music]

Oh

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Oh

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angels we love this verse no really

all right go forth scheppers why this to

me why your joyous strains prolong what

the gladsome tidings be which inspire

your health me song

[Music]

[Music]

oh I was wonderful honey I haven't heard

you sing for so long and the two of you

together just beautiful just beautiful

Jason what are you doing here I wanted

to see you who is it honey Oh mom dad

everybody this is Jason happy holidays

everybody mom mom I'm sorry I should

have done that but I didn't want to

disappoint you so you bring a total

stranger into my house I would never

ever have believed that you would be

capable of doing something so despicable

what were you thinking

Peter and I are breaking up sorry dude

[Music]

[Music]

those are any chance you might still be

a lawyer nope hmm but you still respect

that whole client lawyer confidentiality

thing right why not

you know Joy's available now Hilary can

we talk yes I'm so sorry I'm so sorry

but David I don't know I think I'm gonna

lost my mind I'm so confused I don't

know anything any understand you do

because I don't people do crazy things

when their hearts have been broken

besides harboring grudges is no way for

us to start a future together my future

you said I was a mistake

and I don't know if I want to move to

Pittsburgh

there is no Pittsburgh sharp l gave the

promotion to his idiot nephew but none

that matters anymore because because now

we can be together

[Music]

I really missed you Hilary did David

what are you doing well actually I was

just gonna go talk to Hilary I think

that's a bad idea

in fact I'm very surprised to see that

you're still here weren't you the one

that was paid to fill Jason's shoes to

pull the wool over our eyes I guess but

not congratulations because you did a

great job

you made fools out of all of us and now

that Jason is here I really don't think

there's any reason for you to stay don't

don't hurt Hilary's chances okay

no no no you you know what you may think

that Jason is the perfect son-in-law but

he's not he walked out on Hilary she's

the one who's perfect she's kind and

she's beautiful and she's a gifted

writer have you ever even read one of

her articles she concocted this whole

thing just because she's terrified of

disappointing you all she wants is to

keep you happy and Meredith I'm sorry

that I deceived you I truly am very

sorry and it's fine if you think that

Jason will make her happy but have you

ever asked Hilary what will make her

happy have you

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Oh

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just me hmm

kiss me do I really have to get this

done no one kiss me kiss me like like

the future mrs. King kiss me like you

live Hillary I really don't think your

parents asked the place for this you to

love me right go for King bill it's

gonna be fine

yeah I'll get there early enough Monday

morning they'll never know what happened

I'm always on top it'll be on top from

now no Gary we'll get him to me

[Music]

hi sweetheart hi Daddy

I have a question does Jason the real

Jason not the fake Jason does he have

any other talents besides being a good

lawyer what do you mean can you break a

turkey maybe play a tune Jason I don't

think so would he make you sing like you

did earlier tonight

you know I know it doesn't seem like it

but your mother really just wants you to

be happy maybe it's time you told her

what you want if you know what you want

do you mom Oh Hilary I'm so sorry honey

you said all these beautiful articles

and I'm sorry I didn't read them well

it's not like they're really very good

hey are good they are good you are a

gifted writer and I'm glad that

newspaper closed down you're too good

for them

you've always been a gifted writer and

and all of those wonderful things that

David yelled at me I just wish that you

had told me what what decent did I'm

sorry that you didn't feel like you

could tell me that I'm sorry

I've been there

[Music]

do you love Jason not not I mean you

know check the real Jason oh you mean

[Music]

you think I hate him I gotta borrow your

car Thanks

I have four copies ready what'd you say

my car Hillary

[Applause]

[Music]

I'll call you a cab

[Music]

hi

howdy Jude I borrowed Jason's car oh and

how did you know where to find me

background check remember ah right

you forgot your suitcase oh you didn't

have to bring it all this way I wanted

to well thanks and congratulations Jason

seems like a total jerk I know it's not

my place to say that but my love is

blind right

yeah it was

well

I'm glad you're happy now and um

I'm sure it's gonna be a great wedding

well it would be but missing one really

important thing

what groom there's no crew you and Jason

nope

Jason is a total jerk you're right and a

big mistake

huge just a huge mistake

okay be good yeah here mm-hmm

what does that make me how'd a mistake

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