All language subtitles for Hercules- The Legendary Journeys - S05E09 - For Those of You Just Joining Us

Everybody, run! Get out
of here! [ Animal Roaring ]

[ All Screaming ] [ Panting
] Time for a new plan.

What do ya got?
[ Squawking ]

I got a good one.
What?

Run like Tartarus.
Yeah.

[ Tape Stops ]

Let me get this straight,
Tapert.

Hercules versus a chicken?

[ Cash Register Ringing ]

You know, that's not fair.
It was a giant chicken.

[ Water Sloshing ]

[ Groans ] You're the
executive producer of this show.

This is your idea of quality
programming? Come on, B.S.

You know me better than that.
I've never cared about quality.

You don't have to tell me twice. I
saw last season. [ Stomach Gurgles ]

- [ Belches ]
- First, you turn Hercules into a pig. Now this.

- What's your thing with animals anyway, huh?
- Why? What have you heard?

This is your last chance,
buddy.

I want action. I want romance. I
wanna see Salmonius on more episodes,

and I want the stories on my
desk by the end of the week,

or you're gonna be in a theme park selling
cotton candy dressed as Woody Woodpecker.

[ Cackling ] Now get out of
here before I throw you out.

Ho-ho-ho, spinach chin.

I'd like to see you try.

[ Both Gasp ]
Whoa!

[ Cat Screeches ]

Melissa, turn on
the lights, will ya?

Anything broken?
I don't think so.

Damn! Hollinsfoffer wants a bunch
of new story ideas by end of week,

or it's fade out on me.
What's the bad news?

Melissa,
rally the troops.

I'm declaring
a state of emergency.

[ Whistling ]

[ Applause, Whistling ]

[ High-pitched Voice ] Oh,
my God. It's Kevin Sorbo.

Oh! Oh! Mama! Mama!
[ Screams ]

Oh, the humanity.

[ Normal Voice ] So, how's about an
autograph for your dear old brother?

Why don't you write to the studio, Ares?
I'm sure they'll be happy to send you one.

Oh, yeah.
Baywatch, B.C.

Seems your loyal staff found
themselves in something of a crunch.

If they don't deliver by tomorrow,
Hollinsfoffer will drop the ax.

He's the head of the studio.
What does he know?

What about those cheesy blue-screen
effects? They look so fake.

- Ares, what do you want?
- [ Cowboys Shouting ]

- Merchandising rights.
- [ Chuckles ] Get in line.

I deserve some compensation for
the weekly slander I have to endure.

After 5,000 years, nothing has
changed, Ares. You're still a whiner.

And you are still
living a lie.

It's only a matter of time
before people find out that...

"Kevin Sorbo" is the real myth.

Hey, would you look at that?

What?
This is where you get out.

You son of a... You should
always wear your seat belt.

[ Liquid Pouring Into Glass ]
[ Burp ]

[ Spittoon Clanging ]

Jerry! Thank God
you're here.

Look. Don't touch.

[ Gasps ]
I just got a call.

They told us to pack our bags.
They're shipping us out, aren't they?

Why, Jerry, why?
[ Tires Screech ]

Because we've all gotta learn
to work together, that's why.

To be creative in a crunch.
To boost overall morale.

By the way, Paul,
your last script sucked.

[ Gasps ] I'll change my ways. I
promise. I'll only drink when I'm awake.

I'll tip all the showgirls.
Snap out of it, man!

We've all gotta do a lot better than
that if we're gonna save this show.

So I've taken the liberty
of hiring professional help.

It's about time.
[ Horn Tooting ]

All aboard.

[ Chuckling ]
Clear your calendars, crew.

We're going on
a corporate retreat.

Uh...

[ Man Narrating ] This is
the story of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel,

and they plagued mankind
with suffering.

Only one man dared
to challenge their power...

Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed
only by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth, battling the
minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful
queen of the gods.

But wherever
there was evil,

wherever an innocent
would suffer,

there would be... Hercules.

- [ Screeching ]
- [ Roaring ]

Hail!

Gee, Rob, you spared
no expense.

Oh, no.

You really didn't.

[ Bees Buzzing ]
Whoa. I'm allergic to bees.

If I get stung, I'm gonna
swell up like a hog.

I'll be glad to put you down
before it comes to that.

No time like the present, Jerry,
that's what I always say.

Well, howdy y'all, y'all.
Welcome to Camp Wannachuck,

where every day
you'll see a sunny day.

'Cause that's my name,
Sunny Day.

- Pray for rain.
- Now, right behind you...

is my lovely assistant,
Norma Bates.

[ Gasps ]
Hey, girl!

[ Hisses ]

- Ew.
- Now here on the homestead,

we'll be combining corporate
reengineering techniques...

with ancient Navajo rituals...

to enhance the efficiency
of your overall group dynamic.

Now, can you say "Navajo?"

Navajo! [ Weakly ] Navajo.

- Well, bravo-ho.
- [ Spittoon Clanging ]

Except for you, Mr. Mustache. Let's get those pipes a
- chiming.

- Eeny, meeny,
- [ Gasps ]

miney, die.

For God's sakes, Jerry, what are
you doing? He signs all our checks!

- I'll save you the hand.
- Go for it, muscle sprout.

It'll save me the torture of having to
read another one of your crappy scripts!

- I'll split you like a chicken, boy.
- [ Whistle Blows ]

That is a Camp Wannachuck
time-out.

Now, I can see we've got a long
and winding road ahead of us.

So let's get to work,
shall we?

Now, this is the Camp
Wannachuck trust exercise.

Mr. Tapert, a good leader has
to learn to trust his employees.

After all, you can't do
everything yourself. [ Laughs ]

- He can't do anything himself.
- Oh.

Now, Mr. T. here
is gonna fall off this table,

and y'all are gonna catch him in your
arms to keep him from breaking his ass.

- What?
- Don't be nervous, Mr. T.

Your staff loves you.

Okay, Sunny Day. But don't forget... if
this doesn't work, the check hasn't cleared.

Come on, Rob.
Come on.

[ Jerry ]
Come on.

- [ Melissa ] Come on.
- [ Liz ] We're here for ya.

[ Melissa ]
Come to Mama.

- [ Jerry ] Whoopsy daisy.
- Rob! Rob!

Are you okay, buddy?

Come on. Speak to me, Rob. We hate to
lose you, buddy. Come on. There you go.

- Is he dead?
- Don't tease me.

Three cheers for
Camp Wannachuck.

- [ All ] Hooray!
- Good. We can go now.

I got it!
[ Chuckles ]

I know how we're gonna
start the season.

[ Chuckles ] We're gonna kill
Herc's little buddy, lolaus.

How original.
Huh?

We've only killed him twice already.
But this time it'll be for good.

We'll kill him in such a way
that he'll never recover,

like... like...
spontaneous combustion.

Friends forever.
Right, Herc?

[ Screaming ]

Or... Or get this.

Friends forever.
Right, Herc?

[ Screaming ]

Or we'll just kill him
the old-fashioned Acme way.

Friends forever. Right,
Herc? [ Object Falling ]

[ lolaus ]
Just one of those days.

Kill lolaus?
Is that a good idea?

No, Paul,
it's not a good idea.

It's a brilliant idea!

So unless anybody has
any further objections...

[ Sorbo ] Well, now that
you mention it. Ten-hut!

[ Tapert ] Kevin Sorbo.
Hey, sorry I'm late, folks.

Oh, Kevin.
[ Crying ]

They're gonna...
k- kill lolaus.

But lolaus lived
to be a hundred years old.

Uh, what the hell
you talking about, Sorborino?

Uh, never mind.

Look, if you're gonna
kill lolaus... again,

let him die like
the hero he was.

Is. You know,
I mean, on the show.

[ Sorbo ] What if Hercules was
needed beyond the shores of Greece?

You know, someplace he's never
been before, like Sumeria.

I've sent for a man
across the seas.

Perhaps with his help,
we can restore our homeland...

to its former glory.

It is an honor
to have you here, Hercules.

The honor is mine,
King Gilgamesh.

[ Gilgamesh ] The nectar
flows from this chalice.

But it was hidden by the gods
in the middle of the pyramid...

protected by
a series of trials.

- Only those with the blood of a god can reach it.
- What are we waiting for?

Let's grab some of that nectar
and get out of here.

After you, my friend.

[ Sorbo ] Now Hercules has
never been betrayed before.

- [ Moaning ]
- What if Gilgamesh were the first?

None left for the gods.

What a pity.

Soon, the world
will tremble...

with the arrival of Dahak.

All he needs
is the sacrifice...

of a warrior heart.

Nebula!

No!

lolaus!

[ Grunts ]
Hang in there, buddy.

I can't.
Sure you can.

Come on.

Hercules.

But what do I know?
I'm just an actor.

[ All Crying ]

An actor with vision!

Everybody, give it up
for the big Sorbowsky.

[ Sniffles ] I think I
got something in my eye.

Now, you see? This is the kind of emotional
outpouring that'll bring y'all closer together...

and land your little empire
a top spot in theForbes500.

[ Stomach Rumbling ]
Did I hear a tummy rumbling?

Who's ready for lunch?
[ Mutters ]

Well, all right.

[ Tapert ] Kevin, how'd you like
to wrestle Xena on pay-per-view?

[ Sorbo ] Uh, I'll get
back to you on that.

Say, Melissa.

You know I'm an organ donor? Really?

Yeah. Need anything?

You know, Paul, having a conversation
with you is like being in a coma...

without the advantages.

Uh-huh.
So, is that a yes?

[ Whistling ]

Lunch is served.

[ Jerry ] Mm-mm! Smells just like Mama
used to make. [ Liz ] My condolences.

Thanks. [ Tapert ] Pass
that down here. I'm starving.

Chow down, gang.

I'm so hungry,
I could eat a Hydra.

[ Screams ]

Oops.

Uh, sorry.
My fault.

Kevin Sorbo, I would like
to shake your hand, sir. Why?

Did y'all see how Kevin here took
responsibility for his mistake?

He wasn't afraid to step forward
and admit "I am a screwup!"

Thanks, I think.
A true sign of character...

is knowing when to say,
"The buck stops here. "

Which one of our illustrious
presidents... [ Bell Dinging ]

had that very motto
on his desk?

I know it. I know it!

Our 33rd president, and a great
American, Mr. Harry S. Truman! Hoo-yah!

I think they dropped the bomb
in the wrong place.

Well, gang,
it's time to move on.

Time for our next
corporate conundrum.

[ Paul Coughing ]

Now, folks, this is what
we call a sweat lodge.

It's a traditional
Navajo ritual...

designed to
put you in touch...

with the underlying orgone energy
that permeates the universe.

What the hell is she
talking about, Sorbosaurus?

Getting in touch with our spiritual
sides. Is that gonna cost me extra?

Well, I'm just gonna skedaddle.

Leave your creative juices
to start flowing. Norma.

Now I wouldn't stay in here too long or
your brains will fry like little eggies.

I thinks she speaks
from experience.

I gotta get out of here!
I get a rash in small spaces.

I... I can't breathe!

I need mouth-to-mouth.

[ Jerry ] Well, I
thought I'd seen it all.

Nothing compares to the
horror of seeing Paul...

in his skivvies.
[ Farts ]

How about Yanni live
at the Acropolis?

I stand corrected.

God knows I'm not paid enough to
give you people story ideas, but...

how 'bout we do a show
on Hercules's spiritual side?

Say, Melissa,
that's not a bad idea.

[ Laughing ]
I got just the thing.

Picture this.

Good afternoon. Would you
care to make a donation...

to the Church of Soul and
Consciousness? [ Man ] Get lost!

Huh? Huh?

I don't mean to interrupt, but you're
overlooking the inherent contradiction...

of taking a character
on a spiritual journey...

when his very identity is predicated
on a conflict with the gods.

Of course, I'm presupposing that spirituality
is unique to personifiable deities.

And I'm not sure that's
a message we wanna send.

- Hmm.
- [ Wheels Turning ]

Never mind. Look.

For Hercules, losing lolaus is
like losing a part of himself.

He can't just go on
like nothing happened.

I mean, he'd have to question
everything that he... ever believed in.

You are the Chosen One.

The Druid priests have called you here
to lead us to freedom! Come with us.

Rest. You'll need
your strength.

My strength is useless.

[ Sorbo ] And you can't win a fight
if you don't believe in yourself.

Especially against
another half-god.

I want the Druids.

You can keep
your Chosen One.

And you know, sometimes help can
come in a form you least expect.

How can someone
who champions mankind...

with all its flaws
be so unforgiving of himself?

Because my mistakes
kill people.

Stay with me and I can help you
find the path you're looking for.

[ Sorbo ] What if this Druid,
Maybon, were to help Hercules...

see things in
a whole new way?

[ Maybon ] The blood of a
god flows through your veins,

but your true strength
comes from your heart.

You must learn to listen
to your heart again.

If you can slow its rhythm, it will
sustain you when you need it most,

even under the water.

[ Sorbo ] And Hercules can use these new
skills he's learned to defeat Morrigan.

[ Shouting ]

If Morrigan dies, the spirit
of Justice dies with her.

[ Sorbo ] Now Hercules is going
to have to protect his enemy,

which sets up a great conflict
for the next episode.

But what do I know?
I'm just an actor.

[ Chuckles ]
An actor with guts!

Score another one
for El Sorbo Loco, huh.

- Give it up!
- [ Giggling ]

Oh, hey, hey.
Thank you, everybody.

Thank you.
What happened?

What happened?
I'll tell you what happened.

Sorbo the Greek here's coming up
with all the great story ideas...

while you two
so-called writers...

are sitting there cooking like
a couple of ballpark wieners.

What the hell you trying
to say, Tapert?

What's the matter, Jerry? Lose
your hillbilly decoder ring?

Let me spell it out for you. You stink
out loud! You couldn't write a check.

[ Groaning ]

Go, Jerry, go!

Time to throw a Rob on
the barbie! Hey! No! Kevin!

Kevin!
Guys, guys, come on.

We came to this retreat to
learn how to work together.

Besides, Jerry and Paul have
written some of our best scripts.

- [ Belches ]
- Yeah? Like what?

[ Clock Ticking ]

[ Bell Dings ]

I can't think of any offhand,
but I'm sure they're out there.

[ Muttering ]

[ Growls ]

- I appreciate that, Sorbo.
- [ Paul ] Yeah.

I love you, man.

Thanks.
[ Sighs ]

Okay.

Kevin's right. We should be
thinking about our next show.

Greece is for morons.

Hercules does Ireland.
Now that's chic.

Ireland? Hey, hey,
now you're talking my lingo.

What about this?

[ Cackling ]

What a beautiful Irish spring.

Where's me Lucky Charms?
I'm magically delicious.

[ Laughing ]

Sometimes I'm so brilliant,
it's frightening.

Well, you got it half right.

Hey, you know, it could
be likeBraveheart.

Without the Oscars.

I swear, there ain't nothin'
like an old-fashioned war story...

to keep the American public
glued to the tube.

Well, it can't only
be a war story.

Hercules has just made it through
the hardest time in his life.

But he didn't do it alone.

Now he should return the favor
to someone who needs him.

Something I can do for you
gentlemen? We've come for Morrigan.

The council has decreed
she's to be executed.

I won't let you do that.
She's one of the Druids now.

They chose her to be
the Guardian of Justice.

[ Sorbo ] Of course, Herc and Morrigan
aren't going to get along right away.

Drink this.

So, you don't like tea.

Tidying me up for
a proper execution, are you?

[ Chuckles ]

Not that you'd notice,
but I'm saving your life.

Don't make the mistake of thinking
there's good in everybody, Hercules.

If anything,
the opposite's true.

Even the best man's
got a touch of evil in him,

and it's just waiting for
the right time to show itself.

[ Sorbo ] But what if Morrigan
weren't as bad as she claimed to be?

What if she were under
someone else's control?

How could you let the Druids
do this to me?

You let your feelings
get the better of you.

Just like a mortal.
I warn you.

Don't let your emotion lead you
astray. You won't like the consequences.

[ Sorbo ] But Hercules
could suspect something more.

- You're lovers, aren't you?
- That ended a long time ago.

Then why does he still
have such a hold on you?

I have to obey him.

- I don't.
- You can never come between us.

We share a bond
even you cannot break.

Let me introduce you
to her.

This is Brigid.

She's our daughter.

[ Sorbo ] And you know how Hercules
gets when kids are in danger.

- You'd kill your own child?
- I can always have more.

Not if I can help it.

[ Grunting ]

Your rage is like none
I've ever seen.

Join me, and we can
divide the world.

- I've got a better idea.
- Hercules, no!

Ya can't just kill him
in cold blood, you know that.

Hercules.

Is this what
you really want?

You're lucky she's here.

[ Sorbo ] Free from Cernunnus, Morrigan
can finally become the person...

she's always wanted to be.

Ah, it's beautiful,
sweetie.

It's just beautiful.

Come here.

But what do I know?
I'm just an actor.

An actor with courage!

Come on, gang. It's
Sorbopotamus: 3; Renaissance: 0.

We don't deserve to be sweating
in this man's company.

Yeah. Speaking of which, if
I sit here another second,

my towel's gonna start
melting off.

Guys, you better go on ahead and
we'll catch up later. [ Chuckles ]

Oh, my God!
What was that?

Now we can start to sweat.

Well, I suppose after enough time
with you people, death was inevitable.

Let me just say it's been a
real detriment knowing you all.

I couldn't have said it better
my own self.

Melissa, you know,

before I go, there's
something I'd like to, well...

I'd just like to play one round
of naked leapfrog with you, please.

- Hey, look, everyone. It's Mel Torme!
- Where?

- Mel? - Where? - [
Melissa ] Mel Torme?

[ Gasps ]

Wow. The door just
fell off all by itself.

[ Groans ]

All right, everybody,
let's vamoose.

We'll exit in order of
descending salary. [ Chuckles ]

Of course, Kevin,
that would be you first.

[ Thinking ] I can't believe
that somebody's trying to kill us.

[ Thinking ] If this keeps up, I may not be
able to keep my identity a secret much longer.

[ Thinking ] How could
those bastards cancelEllen?

[ Thinking ] But Oswald couldn't have gotten
off three shots in under five seconds...

with that Italian
bolt-action rifle.

[ Thinking ]
dd Rockets' red glare dd

dd Bombs burstin' in air dd

[ Water Dripping ]

That's it!
I can't stand it anymore!

There's something really
funny going on around here.

- In this episode there isn't.
- Paul's right. We should hit the road.

All right. Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa. "Momentito," Sorborito.

I paid a lot of money for this little
shindig, so we're gonna stay here,

even if it kills us.

[ All Gasping ]

Norma, honey,
you know the rules.

In the closet by sundown.
Now, get.

- Go on. Get, get, get.
- [ Groans ]

Sorry, folks.

I'm afraid she just hasn't been the
same since Ginger Spice left the group.

Dear God in heaven,
say it ain't so!

I thought that I would just come
around and offer up a little...

attaboy for a super
successful first day.

And as a little reward, I've
brought you all a plate of s'mores.

Why don't you just inject
cellulite into my butt?

Hey, no, no.
Nobody gets any s'mores.

We got a season
to finish here.

Otherwise,
it's ixnay ercules-Hey.

- What?
- Come on, Sorborelli. You know the drill.

We lie here like a bunch of White
House interns while you stick it to us.

Come on. Spit it out.

Well, if you think about it, Hercules
has always fought against the gods...

because they only
care about themselves.

What if he met a god
who was different?

My name's Balder.
This is my brother, Thor.

- And to take a hit like that, you must be a god too.
- You are?

This is Hercules. My brother, Loki. Hi.

[ Sorbo ] But as we know, goodness is
always a target for the forces of darkness.

What do I do with this?

[ Demonic Voice ] With
this, you'll kill a god.

Thor wanted to put
my fears to rest. He has.

I've been haunted
by empty fantasies.

See for yourself.
Try to strike me dead.

How about this?

- [ Laughs ]
- You sure this is what you want?

There. Satisfied?

- Thor.
- Balder!

What happened to him?
He's dead.

You killed him.

[ Sorbo ] Now to get even with Loki,
Hercules is gonna have to go through Thor.

Loki killed your brother.
Liar!

[ Grunting ]

[ Sorbo ] But Herc's about to discover
that destiny's been forcing his hand...

since the moment he arrived.

Somehow this paint affects fate.
You only paint what you see.

But Loki painted what he wanted to
see. And the paint made it happen.

- Where did you get that?
- You stole yours from the Norn. Used it to change fate.

[ Shouting ]

[ Sorbo ] See, Herc's always believed
that destiny's what you make it.

Just because something's written in
ink doesn't mean it's set in stone.

Not this time. Catch.

The dart was poisoned.
Loki just tried to kill you.

I hate it when
a plan falls apart.

[ Sorbo ] So for the
first time in his life,

Hercules finds a god
worth saving.

Goodness gracious!

How do you manage to paint such a vivid
picture of the ancient Germanic territory, sir?

I declare, it's like
you were actually there.

I, uh, read a lot.

Huh.
[ Insect Buzzing ]

Wait a minute. Hercules saved the Norse gods,
but whoever helped Loki's still out there.

[ Jerry ]
Whoo, doggie.

Looks like actor boy don't
know everything now, does he?

Actually, Jerry, I left that open so we
could build up the mystery of a new villain...

for the next episode.

Are you two losers
done yet?

Boo-yah!

Now we're done.

Go on with your epic,
Sorbolucci. We're all ears.

Okay. Uh, what's the one thing
that Hercules fears the most?

[ Water Dripping ]

[ Melissa ]
Uh, oh, oh.

[ Sorbo ]
Anybody?

Losing the people that he
cares about. [ All ] Oh.

We could have this new villain
prey on that.

What if Hercules returned
to Ireland...

to say his last good-byes
to Morrigan?

What will you be doing now? I
guess I'll head back to Greece.

After all that's happened, I wonder
if it'll still feel like home.

Then stay here with me.

We could make this
our home together.

Everybody
I get close to dies.

What are you talking about? My
family, my friends, they're all dead.

I can't take the risk
that you'd follow them.

[ Sorbo ] And who better to give advice
on matters of the heart but an old friend?

You were raised
a half-god among humans.

She a half-human
among gods.

Similar wounds
cause similar scars.

What heals one wound...
Heals another.

Maybe I taught you something
after all.

[ Sorbo ] And so for the first time in a long
time, Hercules could open his heart again.

Was it just me, or were you
wanting to say something?

Um, just that...

this is... nice.

Hmm.

[ Sorbo ] But of course, there's
always a calm before the storm.

No!

[ Screaming ]

Who did this?

He's from outside this world.

A thing of evil
and incarnate darkness.

Dahak.

Mmm.

But what do I know?
I'm just an actor.

[ Chuckles ]
An actor with heart.

Well, we got enough material
to get started.

Pack your bags, folks,
'cause we're going home.

- [ Jerry ] I heard that.
- I'm sorry, folks.

I'm afraid I just
can't allow that.

[ Gasps ]
[ Thunderclap ]

[ Jerry ] I don't like the looks of
this, no, sir. [ Sorbo ] Me neither.

[ Tapert ] Quit pushing. I don't
wanna die. Don't be shy, folks.

No one will hear you from deep
in this conveniently placed...

and totally abandoned mine.

So feel free to scream
when I shoot ya.

I can't believe it. It was Sunny
Day all along. Why, Sunny, why?

[ Chuckles ] No, sirree. I
have watched too much TV...

to reveal the motives behind my
dastardly plan before I plug ya.

I know now's not the best time, but
this gives me a great story idea.

Cough it up, Sorbs.
The sands are running.

Who's the last person in the world
you'd expect to betray Hercules?

- Could you give us a minute?
- Make it quick.

[ Chattering ]

[ Jerry ] What about the kid?
It's gotta be the little guy.

[ Tapert ] I sign the paychecks.
That's what it's gonna be.

Okay, I'll go along. The rest of you
block. Okay, one, two, three. Break!

[ Chuckling ]

Falafel.
[ Buzzer Sounds ]

- That's not exactly what I had in mind.
- Shoot!

Well, who could it
possibly be?

Dahak needed a warrior heart
to enter the world, right?

Well, what if Nebula wasn't the only
one who had what he was looking for?

[ Sorbo ] The last person you'd
expect to betray Hercules...

is the man he's been closest to
his whole life.

Hercules. Boo.

You may have his body,
but you're not lolaus.

Then who am I?

I guess this is a question everybody asks
themselves sooner or later. Don't you think?

All Dahak needed
was a warrior heart.

So when little lolaus sacrificed
himself for the fair maiden Nebula,

Dahak had everything
he needed.

[ Sorbo ] And now Hercules will face the
most difficult challenge of his life...

trying to defeat
his best friend.

On three... Two. One.

[ Shouting ]

Hercules,
you've gotta help me.

Please. Come on.

[ Laughing ]

[ Voice Deepens ]
I knew you couldn't kill me.

You're still holding on
to what we were.

Well, it's time to grow up.

It will be a whole new day
in Greece, buddy.

What happened?
He's headed for Greece.

So why are we standing about?
Let's do some damage.

All right then...
We stop Dahak together,

or we die trying.

But what do I know?
I'm just an actor.

An actor with spunk.
An actor with pizzazz.

An actor with ten seconds
to live.

Well, it would have been a great
season if we'd just lived to see it.

Don't hurt them, Sunny.

- Take me instead.
- With pleasure.

- Say, sayonara, Sorbo.
- [ Groans ]

- Kevin, no!
- [ Thunderclap ]

Hey...

[ Sunny ]
Oh, let go!

- Let go!
- Don't fight it.

[ Sunny ]
Oh, my God!

Lord have mercy!

[ Rumbling Stops ]

Why'd you do it, Sunny?

Allow me.

[ All ]
B.S. Hollinsfoffer!

I would have gotten away with it, too,
if it hadn't been for you meddling kids.

- Kevin, how did you know?
- I'm glad you asked.

It all started at lunch...

when I caught wind
of a strange smell.

[ Muttering ]

[ Sorbo ] At first, I thought
it was Paul. [ Stomach Gurgling ]

But then I realized it was
a rare and untraceable poison...

secreted only from the eyelids of
the Galapagos Island lava lizards.

That's why you knocked over
the stew... to save our lives.

[ Bell Dinging ]
That's right, Melissa.

And on my way to the sweat
lodge, the plot thickened...

when I heard singing
coming from cabin number two.

[ Man's Voice ] dd Figaro,
figaro figaro, figaro dd

dd Figaro, figa... dddd

[ Regular Voice ]
Oh, Kevin, what a surprise.

I was just gonna meet you folks at
the sweat lodge. I'll see you there.

[ Sorbo ] I thought
Sunny was just a tenor.

But then it dawned on me. Maybe
she's not who she claims to be.

But how did you know
it was B.S. Hollinsfoffer?

I didn't.

Not until Sunny and Norma
came into the sweat lodge.

[ Sorbo ] When no one was
looking, she handed me a note.

[ Sunny ] Now, folks, this
is what we call a sweat lodge.

It's a traditional
Navajo ritual.

[ Sorbo ] That's when
I put it all together.

So, we know who Sunny is,
but who's Norma?

Studio security, sir.

We knew we had a traitor on the inside, but
I couldn't make my move until I was sure.

Thought you could get
away with it, huh?

You make me sick. [ Groans ] I was
gonna drive you all to kill each other...

with these ridiculous group
exercises until Sorbo showed up.

Then I realized I'd no choice
but to do the job myself.

Leaves only question to be
asked... Why'd you do it, B.S.?

Because you've got the world believing
that good always triumphs over evil.

And I just can't have that.

- Oh... -
My... - God...

- Of...
- War.

Get used to it, Ares.
No matter what you do,

no matter how hard you try,
you'll never break our spirits,

because there's a little Hercules
in everyone just waiting to come out.

This is not over, people.
And, you.

What a disappointment you
turned out to be. Wait.

- You promised me my own network.
- Did I say that?

Yeah.
I'm sorry.

And I've always wanted
to say this, but...

you will never work
in this town again.

- [ Norma ] Let's go!
- You haven't seen the last of me.

- Wherever there's television, there will always be B.S.!
- He's got that right.

- [ Laughing, Groans ]
- Into the slammer, you traitor!

Excuse me, but doesn't it worry
anyone that the God of War is real?

I find it kind
of comforting myself.

I wonder if he's interested in his
own spin-off. [ Paul ] Wait a minute.

If Ares is real,

doesn't that mean there's a
real Hercules out there too?

Don't look at me.

I'm just an actor.

Closed-Captioned By
Captions, Inc., Los Angeles