Original subtitles

1, 2, 3 and 4, and...

Do you love me? -Of course, my darling. Why?

You love me or you're in love with me? - Guess.

But all these politicians are really __!

Really?

Would you make me a sandwich?

These technocrats are really __!

You couldn't find more __!

Why print this? It's the same as yesterday.

What a __!

What a bunch of little __!

Someday we'll get out of here!

To India or somewhere else!

I'll do it someday!

We'll leave with our suitcases to Adélie Land, for sure!

Are you up to the task?

Tell me something:

Am I up to the task?

What task?

Do I look erotic?

Because ...

The modern wife is erotic.

The modern wife is erotic.

Really?

I'm going to the office. - Like this?

Why not? If people weren't so __

Loser! You're pathetic!

What a time of widespread car madness!

Incredible!

I was riding my Solex motocycle.

"Next time, Sir" I told him...

"I'll take the subway!"

The subway is even worse! A girl was shouting yesterday.

And you know why?

It gets constantly on our nerves. - True.

Should we go for a coffee to __?

The boss!

The boss!

The boss!

The boss?

Hello.

Hello, mister the Director.

Hurry up, Zurich! No no, don't hang up darling.

Mister the Director!

Tourcoing badly needs some diapers.

So I thought... I did...

So you went for a coffee.

Yes. -Then send a truck now.

Are you M. Pasquier? -Paquier.

They told me you'll be here at 9am. So I came at 9am.

What for? - I'm a designer.

And I just designed a new romper...

which I consider a landmark in the history of baby layettes.

But I warn you: I'm expensive. Very expensive!

Regarding the changes...

you might eventually want to do to my design...

I won't tolerate any. No, no.

And regarding advertising...

and sales abroad...

I let you take care of them.

Let's have a look. Can I? -Of course! Sure.

It's this? -Isn't it pretty?

You don't have children. Do you? -No.

Imagine you have one who is wearing this romper.

Your child shouts: "Popo!". What do you do?

I take it off. -Right.

2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 17 buttons.

So what? 17 is not worse than measles!

No, but once you reach the 17th-button, it's too late.

The child pooped and the mother is furious.

We don't want this at Baby-Service!

No Way! Goodbye!

I won't give you my avant-garde romper.

I leave you with your bells... your bills... your...

Who are you?

I'm M. Butor, from the Government Tax Office.

The Government Tax Office? M. Butor?

I know, it sounds funny...

at first.

No, no. It's a lovely name. An old French name.

Almost a bird name.

Me, my name is Paquier.

Parquier!

Huh? No?

Okay, M. Butor. What can I do for you?

I'm here to conduct an audit as authorized by the tax law.

I therefore ask you to show me...

your accounting books...

your invoices...

your inventory.

Please also put at my disposal...

an office where I can work.

My visit here may be...

quite long.

It's overflowing!

It overflew!

It always does that.

There's no cheese left. -Already?

If your brother wasn't emptying the fridge every night...

it would be full in the morning. -Good point.

Hello? Baby-Service at babies' disposal.

Hello, Sir. One moment please.

I put on another kilo. -Wow!

He wants me to be naked under my fur coat.

And he doen't remove even his slippers!

Hello? Baby-Service at babies' disposal. Yes?

It's Ms. Paquier.

Hello? -Hello?

Yes, he's here. One moment please.

Huh?

Of course, I arrived safely! Like every morning.

Enough now! I have work to do!

I just wanted to tell you that I miss you.

Fine. Now leave me alone!

I'm tired of your maid sentimentality!

If you're calling to apologize...!

No, for a stroller.

You had a argument with your husband?

No. Well, a little bit.

It had to happen.

It's unfortunate cause I need a stroller.

Again! -But I know lots of people.

Your husband makes strollers, doesn't he?

So I offer strollers.

Is it serious?

Yes. Well...

He told me terrible things!

You're happy now?

My little girl, I didn't want to say it...

but you're neglecting yourself.

I'm what?

You're neglecting yourself!

I'm sure no man follows you anymore in the street.

Are you interested by students' problems?

So...

Do I neglect myself?

Yuck!

There's no more butter left!

Women, rebel yourselves! You are only objects...

to whom cars, refrigerators and washing machines are sold!

Sisters, you're all brainwashed!

Yes!

You scared me!

You're the 100th customer this morning who caressed...

Erotissimo!

So we're proud to offer her...

the well-deserved magical rollmops!

Applauds!

This bottle is yours. -I don't want it.

Africans in distant Africa worked hard to make it.

I don't care!

C'mon, this extra-virgin oil, this pure oil...

belongs to you.

I just need oil for my salad!

Oil for happy couples. -What's this junk?

The magical rollmops eaten in all the universe.

A modern oil requires a modern fish.

I have no time to waste! -Erotissimo!

The oil you... you... Nothing!

You need! She said it! -I don't need anything!

Erotissimo, the virgin oil.

I'll complain to the management.

Erotissimo, the oil you need!

I don't want it!

So let me start over.

She's young.

She's pure.

She's exciting. Yes!

The Erotissimo oil...

is young, pure, exciting and...

virgin.

The Erotissimo oil...

is on sale in all supermarkets.

Thank you.

It's between us now? -Yes.

What will you ask for when you come back?

Erotissimo!

Bye -Bye.

What about some toothpaste? You have all you need?

Look at all this false advertising around you!

These erotic posters! All these offered naked bodies!

Sisters, yYour sexuality is used to sell you anything!

From culture...

to cheese!

Say no to a phallic civilization!

No to sexual ads!

No to sexual economy!

We won't tolerate phallicism! We won't tolerate phallicism!

Bravo!

I'm fine, yeah.

"Don't forget you have genitals" "Have nicer breasts"

These things actually sell?

You bet!

They're all pre-sold!

Amazing!

Annie! I'm broke, little sister!

What's the problem?

Nothing. Why?

You look sad.

F__ you!

Haven't you heard of knocking? What do you want?

10,000 Francs.

Again!

I found a terrific cover girl, but she's expensive.

Think about your exam instead!

You sound like mom!

Let me see.

Mind your own business!

What was it?

That's it?

Cover girls eat only rusks!

But with caviar on top.

Give it back! -No way, Madam!

Georgette Plana Rikita.

"10.45 on RT2 radio."

"Madam, are you attractive?"

"Be more sensual. -I'll do it again."

"Madam, are you attractive?"

"Is it better?" -Yes."

"Are you exhilarating?"

"Are you seductive?" -The cheese.

"Are all men idolizing you?"

"Are you up to the task?"

"You'll know it with Erotissimo..."

the voluptuous perfume...

that captures all men including us!

What is Erotissimo? -A guarantee...

"to please for only 19.50 francs."

You forgot the butter. -Damn!

You don't need 3 tons of potatoes to make a little mashed potatoes!

Look how you peel them!

And you, who went out to buy butter.

I forgot. So what?

So, what are we doing?

Should we check everything in detail or you chicken out?

If Philippe isn't gentle anymore, it's your fault.

With a golden husband like yours...

who's a bit stupid ...

Certainly! Even downright stupid!

You know what I think about him, don't you?

So do as everyone else: change your hair...

buy new dresses, be more sexy!

And think about my stroller! -Of course.

Here is the cashbook! Everything is in order.

The cashbook! Congratulations!

Usually, when I arrive, it just burned.

It's amazing how combustible a cashbook is!

Let's see.

I knew it! Unreadable!

Of course! You're gonna find something!

It didn't burn, so it's poorly written!

Accountants aren't calligraphers!

They write down numbers.

But not letters.

You're here for the numbers, aren't you?

Who cares if his name is Dupont or Logovic...

as long as you see all his transactions!

Logovic! I should visit him too.

Who's this one?

Ah, an Arab.

Yes, I had Arabs!

And people from the paramilitary organization OAS too!

And this is Chinese, I suppose.

What is it?

A painkiller.

It's not poison, right?

Promised?

Yeah, yeah.

Cause one day, I cornered a young boss like you.

I rejected his accounting, so he __.

Yes!

Do you realize all the troubles I got?

They cancelled my year-end bonus!

Here, take a light cigarette.

The ad says they're divine like a sin.

You're corrupting a civil servant.

Don't worry, it's not poison.

You're the one who's poisoning me.

Let's see that checkbook. It's yours?

Of course!

295 Francs. What was it for?

A dress for my wife.

300 bucks? Cheap!

It was a small dress for the summer.

And here I see 1,480.

What was it for?

Accessories for my car.

1500 bucks! You've got a nerve!

And here? "Drugstore".

80 Francs. What was it for?

It was an American gadget.

Something long and round, cylindrical. Very funny.

When turned over and pressed...

it makes boing, boing, boing.

Like heartbeats.

Not really. Does your heart make boing, boing?

Fantastic.

What are you doing?

Good evening ...

Philip!

You don't love me anymore?

Don't play! I won't listen to your old stories!

I had an auditor at work all day long.

He searched everywhere, asked questions.

The bastard!

I didn't let myself be messed about!

"This is a glass house!" I told him.

"You can look around, I have nothing to blame myself!"

"You know what I think about the Ministry's technocrats?"

"The Ministry's technocrats..."

"To hell with them!"

Absolutely, to hell with them.

To hell with them.

To hell with them!I -You wish.

To hell with them! -You wish.

Hell wizem, hell wizem, hell wizem!

Hell wizem, to hell with them!

Is the plumber going to come one day?

Unbelievable!

Everybody is lied face down!

We live in an ear of general cowardice!

When he asked to see my checkbook...

I said: "Your methods are gangster's!"

Tell me!

I'm right, ain't I?

Answer honestly.

Huh?

But watch your answer. How do you like my breasts?

A bit apple-shaped?

Tomorrow, I serve your breakfast all naked.

An American waitress sold twice more breakfasts...

while naked.

One breakfast is enough for me.

OK, I have to go. -Where?

To the office! Now?

The auditor asked to meet me at 8:25am, the bastard!

Philip! You don't kiss me?

No time for that, my little darling!

I confess...

that I have flaws.

Affects...

and false eyelashes.

I'm the woman with false eyelashes.

I can be conjugated in past perfume...

and I tell him: "I live!"

I live...

in a shop window.

I go out...

in magazines.

I'm the sham woman.

When I shed, I take off my stuff and my wig.

I am...

I am...

the cheating woman.

I am...

The fake woman.

Wearing...

the most beautiful lingerie.

Beneath...

you'll be disappointed.

My heart is a gadget.

People play with it, abuse it and throw it away.

I am...

the woman with fake eyelashes.

Madam! There's no more laundry left!

Well, well!

Well, well!

Something's wrong?

I see stroller expenditures here...

... without invoices.

This is crazy!

I count...

1, 2, 3, 4...

5 in two months.

These are not expenditures! They're my stepmother's strollers!

For the gifts she gives around.

Here and there, to please friends.

Here. And there.

To please friends.

I see.

Illegal distribution of the company's profits.

Sales without a proper invoice.

It's gonna cost you. It's gonna cost you!

Eroticism is psychiatrists' psychosis.

I met one who was completely crazy!

For him, all objects were erotic.

The blenders, the eggbeater and all these things.

He's right, an egg whisk is erotic.

Really?

It can't be explained!

She's crazy.

She's crazy!

For me, erotism is...

Or vice versa.

Love for men means movies: lots of false eyelashes....

a bit of flattery: "My darling, you are wonderful!"

Have you seen where we got?

Don't criticize the negligee.

I have a cousin, if she wears a negligee...

her husband looks at her...

jump and tears up the negligee!

Then what? -Then he rapes her!

Madam, this is very trendy! It encircles entirely the breasts!

No. -I see!

You want something hyper feminine!

Yes! -Wait.

Where is it?

Here!

That's it. Erotissimo!

Very sexy, isn't it? It fits you closely.

Fits closely?

Is the fabric very sturdy? -Sturdy?

I mean, can it be easily torn up?

Women are crazy!

We must read you a quick statement:

A mother from Treport writes:

"Yesterday around noon, my son lost his sand shovel."

"Anyone who find his shovel..."

"which is yellow, by the way..."

"can write to Radio RT2."

Are you crazy? Chinese food is aphrodisiac!

Where are my blue pills?

It's incredible! I work like crazy...

and you, you forget my pills!

Where is your brother? -He's working.

The auditor, what a bastard!

He annoyed me all day long regarding your mom's strollers!

It's serious! -Not at all.

I told him: "I do what I want..."

"I'm my company's boss, ain't I! "

Absolutely. Eat.

These tax persecutions are intolerable!

Do you like my hair? -Huh? Yes, very good.

I finally got mad! I could squash his face!

The Yellow peril is on our plates.

They say Chinese have nothing to eat...

but the little they eat is hard to digest.

You're so funny sometimes!

What's great with you is: whatever happens...

you never loose your sense of humor.

It's one of your strengths, along with your vitality.

You're larger than life, my dear. You are!

And generous too!

You're a grandchild of kings!

My stomach.

Tear up my negligee.

Tear up my negligee.

You're crazy.

Why not?

Rip it yourself. I'm tired.

C'mon, tear it up.

But honey, the whole female's body...

is a sexual, narcissistic investment...

because it sees itself from outside...

and is loved by lustful males kept at bay.

I didn't understand "lustful males".

My dear, this is the basis of women's historic revolution!

What do you want?

I know, no more left!

Nothing, it was Bob. I'll tell you about him.

What was I saying? Ah yes, women!

It's an irreversible phenomenon that the female libido...

Is freeing itself from the phallic dialectic.

Darling, you're confusing sexy and erotic!

Eroticism is here!

If you're interested, I have movies at home.

Will you leave me alone!

Very interesting!

They are color movies?

I have all kinds!

Black, and ...

So? What are we doing?

Sadistic!

Maniac! Disgusting!

Dirty maniac!

Disgusting! Pig!

And also racist!

Well, in my opinion Sir...

It's gonna cost you!

You really have no heart and no guts.

It's just your opinion. You all!

Yet, with the money we recover...

shadow workers like me...

allow roads, hospitals, and rockets to be build!

And what is our reward? Hate.

No, no... -Yes, yes, I know.

People like morticians more than us.

Yet, we have a heart like everyone else.

I'm for love!

For human warmth.

Even my wife is ashamed. Can you imagine?

I'm sorry, really.

You can't imagine how many colleagues went insane.

My predecessor was shooting the folders with a rifle.

He couldn't stand the complexity of our tax system.

See, I'm not alone.

In exchange for what? A miserable salary!

Yet, temptations are plenty!

For instance...

suppose that after my audit...

I would tax you for 100 million Francs.

It was just a supposition!

An assumption only.

Suppose also that I lower the 100 million...

to 50 million.

50, but 5 for me...

from hand to hand.

What would you do?

I give them to you! Why didn't you start here!

5 million? -Of course.

From hand to hand? -Sure.

Tell me something: the 5 million...

No problem at all.

Where will you find them?

Where will you get 5 million?

C'mon, show me again your personal accounting.

You're really a... -I'm what?

A bastard?

Yes, I know.

I've been called that already.

Give me your personal accounting. C'mon!

Bernard?

What are you doing here? -I'm his sister.

He's downstairs, fixing your car.

Where is he? Bernard!

Who's that girl I saw? -What girl?

The one In your sink. Ah, Sylvie?

I told you about her. She's the cover girl.

What is she doing here?

Well... -I see.

I saw you entering a porn theatre this afternoon.

So you were there too? Well done!

Give me 10,000 Francs or I tell Philip?

So I looked at him peacefully and casually...

as they should be treated.

Who? -The tax auditor!

And I told him: "If you keep pissing me off...

"I'll do my accounting in Lappish!"

In Lappish? -Absolutely! It's allowed!

Article 55 in the Tax Code.

Oh, look!

I can't open it!

What's in your mind?

I just found a few tricks to shut him up!

Who? -My auditor!

Advertising...

is a bliss.

Are you coming? -No!

What's in your mind? -My sister.

Your sister? Yeah, I wonder why...

she goes to see junk films?

If she liked it.

1) she only likes westerns.

2) she changed her hairstyle.

3) she dresses like Coco Chanel. That's really the end!

She has a lover. Are you kidding?

She's like this! My sister.

Did you hear me?

Bernard brings home wagons of girls!

It can't hurt him.

It doesn't make him good either.

He has exams.

You should talk to him.

Who's this one?

I don't know. He has no kepi.

Talk to who? Bernard? -Exactly.

I'll look like an idiot! -No.

Sort out your family's business yourselves.

When his 15 babies will come eat here...

I'll see your face!

I'll be categorical with him! -Absolutely!

He'll stop the girls and borrowing your car. And no money anymore!

"The modern Wife is erotic."

What does it mean?

Am I wake you up?

It's Sunday. -Yeah, Sunday! Sure!

Amazing how many pockets are there!

Annie worries me. -You too?

I don't want to trouble you. -I have no trouble.

You just said you were worried!

For my exams only.

You have nice textbooks.

It's not mine!

I know. The university dean lend it to you.

Alright, it's mine.

Better read this than throwing cobblestones.

Hello. -My sister's husband.

He told me a lot about you...

but never mentioned __.

I'm glad we solved our disagreements...

so if you like, you can borrow my car.

Bye now. And congratulations for...

Ah, hello! I'm shooting this for TV.

My producer: great!

You look sad. What's going on?

My man doesn't see me anymore!

You called me, M. Director?

My dear Gorillot!

Are you free for lunch?

Me?

Me, M. Director? -Yes, you!

Yes. Of course.

I usually lunch in the canteen.

Like every day.

Very well.

We'll have lunch together.

It's too much honor.

Have a sit, Gorillot!

Tell me something:

How long have you been our bookkeeper?

5 years.

It's been 5 years. -Very good!

I'm very happy with you.

Are you happy with me? -Yes.

It's not always easy to satisfy my employees, but I try.

Gorillot. -M. the director?

How's your wife?

I'm not married.

Excellent!

Gorillot, there's a little thing...

I want to discuss with you.

You probably remember

the trip to the Balearic Islands...

we did last April, Ms. Paquier and me.

I do.

If M. Butor mention it with you...

I want you to tell him that I was conducting...

a study about the Common Market.

In the Balearic Islands?

In the Balearic Islands, yes!

I was part of a small seminar.

Alright.

Sure.

It's a bit tricky, but we can try.

What if M. Butor asks...

how many people attended the seminar?

Tell him two! Ms. Paquier and me.

No law forbids a couple to have a seminar together!

Huh?

Sure.

We are in a phallic era! The world is a genital!

Chantal, quiet!

Is your sexuality OK?

That's how you keep your man!

I want the orange belt!

I can't find it!

Find it right now! It's important!

Are you cheating on him? -Are you crazy?

There's nothing like a lover to give your happiness back.

Don't make it too obscur.

Our audience is mainly made of janitors!

We work for janitors, don't forget it.

That's what TV is about: levelling from the bottom.

I'm sure he's cheating on you. -I don't think so.

What about at the office? He has a tax auditor.

His secretary maybe.

Where the hell is this shitty orange belt?

Hello, Mr. Paquier. How are you?

Good. Is my husband here? -Of course.

I tell him you're here. -No, thanks.

She does as pleased! -She'd rather stay home!

Am I disturbing you? Not at all, I'm delighted.

But I must finish signing my mail...

and adding "S" everywhere.

Go ahead. You're handsome when you're working.

Watch me if you like, but don't touch anything...

cause it goes missing then.

Prenatal?

Diapers...

I refuse to sign this!

She forgot again to write down the cheques' number!

They'll say again that employees are exploited by their boss!

What?

Here? -It won't be the first time.

Yes.

Oh yes, yes, yes.

Sorry!

Hello.

Should I leave? -No. She won't last long here.

So? -You were right!

Don't fire your secretary because of me.

Why shouldn't I? Besides, I don't like her.

Turn on the radio to cultivate our minds.

"The Pantheon Theatre just released a movie by Yamako Ramaki."

"The Devil's Geisha" expands the boundaries of eroticism...

"a field where Japanese are masters."

"The film's most daring Images..."

"are composed like a Japanese print book."

It easier to find a hooker than a parking spot here!

I saw it first! -No, it's mine!

I was standing just here! -And I was there!

On top of wardrobes. -What do you mean?

All bourgeois families hide on top of their wardrobes...

Japanese prints collected by a dirty old uncle.

They're hard to get rid of. -Who?

The prints!

They used arsenic for the uncle.

Are you blind or what?

You remove cars with a bulldozer now!

But impossible to get rid of the prints.

Why not throw them away?

The bourgeois don't throw anything. Yours is quite a mess too.

Where did you find this? -On top of my sister's wardrobe.

She shouldn't read this. -Give me a break with your sister!

Are you in love with her or what?

She's my sister, dammit!

Look! How many are they?

Well, two. -Why so many legs then?

This one here. Who does it belong to?

These guys aren't normal.

Philip?

Philip!

Philip?

Are you crazy? OK, you're crazy.

Now go to sleep. I have tons of work tomorrow.

So rape your husband!

Or take a lover, it's cheaper. -No way!

Are you frigid? -I love my husband!

Like all women. They provide security.

But a lover is a sparkle!

And the husband benefits too.

Have you heard, Father? It's inconceivable!

Can't the Church do something about it?

The Church heard much worse.

I shot this film for three days, edited it yesterday...

and it premieres tomorrow. That's television!

How would you want him? Blond? Dark-haired?

A pianist? A Belgian?

I want nothing. Very well!

What are you waiting for?

Relax, Grandpa! The General is starting his speech.

The Gen... neral!

I can hear you now. How to find a lover?

I don't know.

Join the French Hunter Association. Or a vacation club.

There's too much competition!

Men must be hunted like elephants:

from a blind, at the location they go to drink.

Dear friends, here you are! We hardly have a chance to see you.

Paquier, your wife is more beautiful as ever.

You wonder why he never bring us. He's jealous.

I have an audit. Poor you! Tell us.

You had one, you know how it is.

It took me 6 months to get over it.

I'll get over it quicker.

Does it work? -It's hard to be unfaithful.

Nothing comes easy!

Mine asked fo the safe's key! Can you believe?

I shut the auditor up, and told him:

"your methods are gangster's, I won't tolerate them!"

I have somebody for you. One of Bob's friends. A sculptor.

An incredible talent! And Manly.

He's also a pilot, driving insane planes!

You must hurry, he'll kill himself!

What you're doing is very interesting.

Everything must be checked.

Flying so low is dangerous, isn't it?

I didn't know such a planes even existed.

Be careful, move over!

She's divine, believe me.

She's divine!

She doesn't understand a thing about planes!

If you're looking for one you'll end up alone!

She's good! -Then take her yourself!

You know Chantal. I'll be dead!

I'm satisfied with this. Move!

I was thrilled to meet you!

Sure. See you soon.

Guess what I did today?

You got ready for a bath.

I went out with Bob. -Really?

Yes.

He's cute, you know.

Really?

Will you rub my back?

Philip? -Yes?

Come rub my back! -There's no panic!

Easy, OK? -It takes what it takes!

We played slot machines. -Who?

Bob and me! Wonderful.

What are you doing? -I'm looking for the soap!

What about rough soaps one can hold on easily...

Instead of wasting our money on strike force!

My gown is soaked! What a dog life!

In bad times, everything goes wrong!

Will you wash my back, sweetie? -Don't change subject!

What did you do with Annie? -We played pinball.

I won't make a scene, but don't lie to me!

You slept together!

I can't sleep with my buddy, sweetie.

Annie has the charm of novelty.

She loves me, she loves me not.

No, Sir. I'm not here to persecute you!

Not at all! But here I found a receipt ...

for 10,000 m2 of spongille fabric.

Don't you make two diapers per m2?

Two, yes. -That makes 20,000 diapers.

But I see an entry for only 15,000 diapers.

Given a 10% defects rate. -Even more.

OK, let's say 2000.

That's a total of 17 000 diapers. 3000 diapers are missing.

I don't see them here. Where are they?

I don't know. I don't understand!

This is very serious, Sir.

It's gonna cost you!

"Erotissimo, the voluptuous perfume that will seduce all men."

"Erotissimo, the insurance to appeal for... "

Enough! We know that!

Is Philip back? -No.

I'm hungry and patient. So like me, wait quietly!

But I have an appointment.

Could you give me the keys for Philip's car?

No. You've already screwed up mine last week.

It wasn't my fault! A jerk hit me from behind!

Be nice. I have an agreement with Philip.

What can I say? 3000m of spongilla fabric.

I frankly don't know what we did with them.

Don't say my wife made tablecloths with them, plates won't stand on.

Or handkerchieves, they won't fit in your pocket.

I didn't say Ms Paquier made tablecloths...

with your absorbent cloth.

I accuse nobody. Maybe you've wasted it somewhere.

I'm here to understand, that's all.

Ringing at the reception desk.

I wonder what he's so late?

He can't be in the office, even with his tax auditor.

It's the third time this week! No answer.

Hello?

Do you know how this works? -I'm not an operator.

Can I help you? -Finish the top row.

No, this is the inventory.

Oh sorry, Mr. Robidau. He's the gatekeeper.

No, good night. Sorry to wake you up.

I've known a Robidau before. A flutist.

It's not him. He has a harelip.

Don't touch this button! It connects us to the police!

I knew it. Nobody!

At what time do you usually start understanding?

I would like to understand too.

What a fool I am!

I should've thought about it sooner!

Wait.

Here it is!

Caress Diapers for 3 months olds.

70 by 70.

Caress Diapers for 6 months olds.

The baby seat is wider. Therefore, more fabric is used.

75 by 75.

That's it! 5 centimeters longer!

We were awarded the Pediatrics' Oscar for this.

Why 5 more centimeters?

The seat is wider! 75 by 75.

The baby seat? Wider. -Not that much.

The baby seat is wider. Here we go!

Wait a minute...

This is a new fact. -You bet!

Do you mind if I redo...

all my calculations? -Go ahead.

Show me again your accounting books!

Hello? Ah, it's you.

Where are you?

Really?

Absolutely!

I'm with... my friend, Mr. Butor.

No, I won't come home for dinner.

I don't care!

I invite you for a dinner? -I prefer to finish with you tonight.

Do you have money?

No.

You're gonna laugh: me neither.

Why didn't you bring some sweetie?

Start eating.

I'm gonna borrow some from my sister.

There're 3000 round potties, 2500 oval, and 4000 square.

2550 phosphorescent potties, easily spotted in the dark.

And 2000 musical potties. -Musical?

When the child pees, it plays "It's raining, shepherdess."

What's the benefit?

The child becomes clean and musician.

Our new gadget: the warning mouse.

If the child wets the bed, it switches on.

Really? -Isn't it nice?

In my time, they were spanked. -Now they're electrocuted!

"The 3 wily twins..."

"have advertising as destiny."

"One is encouraged to hope..."

"when one sees them swallow their snack in one gulp."

Hello?

Who?

"It may seem at first to be a funny business..."

"but in America, it is very well paid."

Well, I'm working right now.

Of course! I'd be delighted to see you.

But I'm not very fit these days.

I work like crazy. I'm exhausted.

Tonight... Now?

See you soon.

I look fine after all.

Women never leave you alone!

Mothers are never happy! They want a huge selection...

always something new!

For example, I have 17 kinds of bibs!

I have nightmares about them! Look, the bib with sleeves.

Do you realize?

Nothing's working!

Three years ago, my competitor launches the chasuble bib.

Chasuble? -Because of the council.

It was trendy. So I made Chasuble bibs.

Now all mothers want the Erotissimo bib.

All Chasuble bibs are in the boxes. I haven't sold a single one!

Can't you just flog them to the church?

Annie!

We must get rid of all this garbage!

We must stop this traffic!

One day, I was in the street somewhere...

well, on the boulevard...

a delivery man had left his truck!

He was... well, unloading it.

I told him: "could you unload your barrels after I passed?"

Do you think he moved his truck?

Absolutely not! I could have whistled in a violin instead!

Will you let me go!

Gerard, did you write down the vehicle's license plate?

I did, sir. What should I put under "motives"?

You're gorgeous tonight!

Thank you for yesterday.

It's nice here.

This is you? -Yep!

This is the Mexican. Right?

Yes. This is Inca, and that one's Hindu.

What about this one?

Nice. Can I touch it?

Don't tell me you came tonight...

just to see my collection? -Yes. Why not?

Well...

Can't we do this another time?

Where are you?

I could come back tomorrow, if you don't mind.

Or the day after.

Leave me alone!

Don't put on airs!

Are you crazy!

You, crazy!

It hurts!

I didn't mean it.

Wild thing! I was trying to help!

You crazy fool! Sadistic!

Are you the piece of junk who insulted my sister?

Sorry? -Bastard!

With all the advertising surrounding health food...

it's easier to feed a cosmonaut than a kid!

I want you to taste something.

The acetylamino hydrophilic larcylique acid with leeks inside.

You'll see, it's delicious!

You'll ask for more!

Is this your aminoacido... with arsenic inside?

Acetylamino hydrophilic larcylique acid.

With leeks. See, it's green. -Ah, leeks too.

Taste it.

So kids eat this.

I don't know if they do, but moms buy them.

No wonder the little ones cry all the time.

Cause frankly...

So this one had leeks. -Enough, thank you!

And this one has pineapples. -Oh no!

I'm too big for this!

You can't imagine the misery of small business owners like myself.

I deal with mothers and kids, competitors who steal our secrets...

government that overburden us with taxes...

employees asking for a raise.

This is crazy! -Come on.

All you need is take a break, like me.

I have a small house at Trouville.

I'll go there tomorrow to prune my roses...

and calmly prepare my report on you.

It will be positive!

Annie! My auditor left!

The dragon has been defeated! The man conquered the beast!

You're still angry? Annie!

Annie! Bernard!

Nobody's in this hovel!

Ah, sadness! Here I am abandoned by all!

Is there anyone here? Please?

I'm angry!

Why the hell did I go to this loser's home!

And you, object of desire! I stamp on you!

I was happy with my husband, making his morning toasts!

A lover, at my age! Aren't you ashamed?!

You were about to mess it all up! You idiot!

You hear it right! "Idiot", I said!

Here you are! You had a fight?

Yes, because of Annie. -I can't stand her anymore!

But you're using her brother apartment, money and car!

So you own nothing. Losers like you are one and plenty!

Bye!

I've got no money to pay the bill!

You're here? -Yes.

What are you doing? -Nothing.

What do you mean, nothing?

Let's go somewhere for a few days?

You know it's impossible.

You've painted your car yellow yourself?

Yes! So what? You don't like yellow?

I don't care. It's not mine.

Taste and colors are unquestionable.

I thought you don't like me anymore.

Isn't she's silly! -I even thought you're cheating!

What for? I had enough troubles!

The auditor drove me crazy!

I was stupid enough to want a... um...

License plate 33AA92... heading fast to Deauville.

This car is yours? You're a comic! Yes, it's mine.

You're under arrest. -Really?

Then let's have a little break together. What did I do?

You threw a police car in the Seine river.

Speeding. Provoked an accident by negligence.

Omitting to stop in a dangerous situation. Hit and run.

Your brother again!

Step out! -You can't be serious!

Listen, let's not panic.

It's my brother-in-law's fault. I had lent him the car.

You know how students are these days:

a little crazy, always ready to laugh.

It couldn't be that serious.

Nobody cares about your family stories.

You're the one responsible. We'll take you to the police station.

Take the car, but don't spoil our holiday!

Enough! Get into the truck!

What's going on? -An accident!

I'll complain!

Don't touch me with your dirty hands!

Leave me alone!

Do something! This is crazy!

It's incredible!

M. Butor! You're my savior! Tell them who I am.

He knows me, he's my friend. -Wait a minute!

We live in a society of morons!

A world full of idiots, spies and auditors!

Be quiet, Annie! -No, I won't shut up!

Shut up, I said!

It seems I heard... -Nothing. Shut up, Annie!

I'm fed up! -Shut up!

Wait a minute! Please!

I might have dreamed, but I heard...

the word "auditor". Am I right?

Absolutely! These tax inspectors, half leech, half scavengers!

I don't want to hear more. Take me away!

Why have a villa in Spain? We never go there!

You see Sir, business comes always first!

Then comes the auditors and the flat-feet cops!

Stop or we'll take you too.

She's talking nonsense. OK, but tell me something:

You never mentioned this villa in Spain.

I completely forgot. We never go there.

You forgot. -Yes, I forgot

Are you kidding me?

With what money did you buy it?

Don't damage my client. -He's mine! I came first!

This villa is none of your business!

I'm fed up with jealousy! Long live freedom!

Dior, 1 million! The boots, the dress, the watch, the ring.

We're even going to the Canary Islands, paid by the company.

It makes you mad, isn't it? -Not at all. I'm even excited.

Butor, my tax auditor! It's him!

He's the tax auditor! -It's me!

I don't care! The truth must come out.

I'll wait for you at your prison's release.

What for? We're bankrupt!

Don't worry Philip, I love you.

Better than nothing!

It's gonna cost them.

It's gonna cost them!