Original subtitles

CATHERINE THE GREAT

Episode 2

Two years have passed since the ball.

Potemkin fights a bloody war with the Turkish empire.

Civil unrest ensues as Catherine's war

forces her to abandon slavery reforms and the serfs.

... complete history of my family

and I thought it was fascinating, it really was.

Aunties I'd never heard of, Uncles from down south...

I'm sorry, what are you talking about ?

I'm just telling you about my parents.

About how kind they were to me and how wonderful they've always been.

I have to work.

Do you ? Can't we...

I am managing the tail end of a war. In case you hadn't noticed.

So, Major-General and Gentleman Not of the Bedchamber.

I was just getting to know you

and away you go to make war against the Turks.

Who deserve someone as terrible as you as an opponent.

Have you really been away so long ? I can't believe it.

If I'd known the Turkish war would have dragged on for two years,

I would have thought twice about sending you away

when I'd only just found you.

From Her Majesty !

First class work.

Attacked when you said you would.

Excellent.

Lunch ?

General Rumiantsev reports great things of your bravery.

You have done everything we asked you to do.

Risen through the ranks to glory and the decorations of honour.

For my part, however, I very much wish to preserve

those who are zealous, brave, clever and skilful.

This letter is to ask you not to endanger yourself further

and return to us.

She's writing to you under separate cover.

Good not to show how pleased you are.

First class work.

Your Majesty,

permit me to offer you my most humble congratulations

on the conquest of another Turkish town on the Danube.

I can only hope that this major defeat for the Turks

will somehow bring this long war to a speedy conclusion.

Letter for Her Majesty.

I feel unable to express in words my most humble gratitude to you.

And yet I must confess

I am proud to kill and risk my own death

for the sake of Your Majesty's glory.

The origins of the Turkish war, Your Majesty,

were a dispute over territorial incursion

but it may be something that the Turks had been planning and was...

well, in a sense, an excuse.

The "casus belli" was not, actually the "casus", if you see what I mean.

The causes of war really are not as simple as they seem, are they ?

Forward the whole file to the Minister.

Perhaps it is wrong for me to write this to you,

for after reading it you may fear that I should forget you.

Or replace you in my affections.

But you're not so easy to forget, my friend.

You lurk in the mind, dangerously.

Come back, dear Major-General, come back.

I am telling you the truth ! The Emperor Peter III is alive !

His spirit is alive in me. He is back.

To avenge himself on his bitch wife Catherine.

I will rule !

I will rule with my son, Paul,

who is betrayed by his cow of a mother.

Pugachev !

Who would come between a father and his son ?

There he is.

The Emperor Peter III. My father.

- You said. - Weak chin. Don't you think ?

So, how do you like your new name ?

Natalia. I love it, Your Majesty.

It's Russian. You should love it.

Sir.

I wanted to ask you something.

Yes, ask.

I wanted to join the Council.

No.

- He would have wanted it. - He also wanted me in prison.

Or dead.

I am simply asking

if I might be allowed to sit on the Council and do the work of...

No.

Thank you, Alexei, most helpful.

Gentlemen, we have urgent business...

It is a devastating defeat for the Turks. They are suing for peace.

Our armies have pushed south to Kabul

and my fleet has wiped out the Sultan's ships in the Mediterranean.

- The sea is... - "Red with the blood of infidels".

Apparently.

And it seems Major General Potemkin has distinguished himself.

Anyway, I have summoned him back to court.

And I thought Prince Orlov might join the peace negotiations in Turkey.

Is this your way of trying to get rid of me completely ?

Why on earth would Your Excellency think such a thing ?

I would like a word with Prince Orlov alone.

I accept that we are over, but am I to have no influence at all ?

Is that your idea ?

I have great regard for you. You know that.

This is an opportunity.

Take it.

- It's all over. - Not yet. Not yet !

- So you asked Potemkin to come back ? - I did.

And now you don't know what to do with him.

Correct.

What are you going to do about him ?

I'm not sure. I thought I wanted him back but then I saw him...

- I was in love with Orlov, you know. - I know.

I just...

don't want to go through all that again.

No. I can see that.

Men want power. They like to feel they are in control.

- And women ? - Yes, of course, we want that too.

The difficulty here is that I am in control. I have the power.

You are the Empress. And he can be your devoted servant.

You think it is as simple as that ?

- I do not. - It's just...

Giving your heart, it's just such a risk. It lays you open.

Suddenly you're at the mercy of the whole world.

I wouldn't know about that.

Come along.

Paul... Natalia.

Why does my son's new wife not bow to me ?

Is there some prejudice against bowing in Hesse Darmstadt ?

There may be, Your Majesty. I will look into it.

She won't let me join the Council.

Are you listening ? Why are you staring at Count Razumovsky ?

Was I staring at Count Razumovsky ? I don't think I was.

I was listening to you darling. I always listen.

You are a very interesting man.

Why write to me if she doesn't want me ?

It's a game.

That's all it is.

Play it.

Does my son's wife want everyone to know

that she is fucking his best friend ?

You don't need to answer that question.

Is not she wonderful ?

She is absolutely wonderful.

Is she a baritone ?

This way you can look at her when you come.

Fuck her.

That is so obviously what you want to do darling.

- She's frightened. - Of what ?

- Of what she feels for you. - You think ?

Who's that fucking boy up there next to her ? That rat. Who's he ?

It'll all be over soon.

What in God's name do you think you are doing ?

I'm leaving ! I won't stand for this any more.

But you've only been back about a week.

Do you want to end up like me ? And all these loyal citizens ?

Where do you think you are going ?

To God ! The monastery. I shall be a monk.

- Don't be ridiculous... - Who is being ridiculous ?

- She is in love with you, my friend. - What makes you say that ?

I shall tell you why.

I have never seen two people more in love.

She's got a funny way of showing it.

Patting the cheek of that... ludicrous boy.

I may be in love, but I am not...

What ?

Not happy. I'm not happy at all.

He's here !

Brothers and sisters ! Children of Russia.

I greet you in love and friendship.

I am your lost Emperor, Peter III.

This sword was given to me by Peter the Great !

I am sent by God to raise you up from the dust.

To feed you, and clothe you

and give you a way of escaping the slavery

in which you have been held by the bitch Catherine.

Pugachev ! Pugachev !

Russia belongs to us all !

I'm planning a dinner for the new French ambassador.

What do you think, Russian food or French ?

- Why not both ? - Yes that's a good idea.

So, to what do we owe the honour of this visit ?

Potemkin.

Yes, what of him ?

He's leaving.

Leaving ? Leaving who ? Leaving what ?

Leaving court.

And leaving you, since you are the court.

Well, why are you telling me this ? Why are you pleading his cause ?

Why am I saying what I am saying ?

I like love. I like watching it develop.

In other people. I have never known it myself.

But you...

I think you have a great capacity for love.

Of the violent and unpredictable kind.

It will shake you.

But I am your friend and...

I can see you feel for him things...

No, no, no. You better go. I am terribly busy.

And your friend Potemkin might be missing you.

He is no longer my friend.

In that capacity.

Natalia.

Count Razumovsky.

I want to speak with you. Now.

If you want to stay married to that insolent girl,

you will probably have to lock her up.

You have no idea, do you ?

Even when it is right in front of your nose.

Well. I see someone else has got your attention.

I do not know how you have the nerve

to lecture me about my love life while you ogle...

Oaf. I see the way you look at him.

Is it "love" ? Is that what this is ? At your age ?

Love should wait upon judgement, mother.

But not you. You're like a fly to honey aren't you ?

Go !

- You're leaving ? - Yes, I've thought about it. But...

Something detained you ?

Yes. You, Your Majesty.

I... I have neglected you since your return.

You have had other things to occupy you.

- New friends. - I choose friends as I need them.

And discard them when they are no longer useful it seems.

- You are being impertinent. - I am being honest.

They can look similar.

There is no real love without absolute honesty.

Do people lie to you Your Majesty ?

Because of your position ?

All the time, I'm afraid.

What do you want from me ?

Nothing.

This. Now.

Standing next to you. That's enough.

So money and titles...

I will take as much I can get my hands on. But I will not be given things.

- You want... - I want what any man wants.

- To make his own way. - Yes. I can see that.

And...

to find love. If possible.

You did some very brave things against the Turks.

I was very grateful to Your Majesty

for the opportunity to kill as many of the little buggers as possible.

Come up to my private apartments.

Any time you want.

Come by the private staircase.

But shout as you come up, in case I am in the bath.

Are Potemkin and my mother...

Anything is possible with her.

She never lets me anywhere near power.

I know how you feel, Your Excellency.

This... Pugachev...

What about him ?

They say he wants to put me on the throne.

I do not imagine Your Excellency would want

to owe your power to an illiterate peasant.

No, no... But...

He obviously has more taste than my mother in certain matters.

Major General Potemkin is on his way up to see her even as we speak.

I heard them, yesterday. Making an assignation.

Get up those stairs. Now. If you want any kind of career at court.

- I don't think she wants me there. - She doesn't know what she wants.

Get up there. Now.

... and this is for King Gustav of Sweden.

Minister Panin !

I think we need a Council meeting about this business in Samara. This..

- Pugachev, Your Majesty. - Pugachev.

Why do I keep forgetting his name ?

Is that significant or is it just a sign of his own insignificance ?

That may have something to do with it, Your Majesty.

There's always something in the countryside.

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

Wherever there are Russians there is something to worry about.

It's not surprising that our serfs are in rebellion, the way we treat them.

If only the landowners had listened to me...

And you need to speak with my son. D'you know...

- He behaved abominably to me. - Your Majesty... I must...

And I need to be briefed on those Turkish negotiations.

I hear Count Orlov is making a fool of himself again.

I must be kept informed. Do you understand ?

The papers are on their way, Your Majesty. I have advised my office.

May I remind you that...

- You need... - Have you seen General Potemkin ?

I asked him to come to see me and,

I am sure he is on his way, Your Majesty...

You're up to something.

Oh yes, I can see it in your eyes.

Did we arrange for you to come today ?

- I thought we did, Your Majesty. - No, no. Get your clothes on now.

I have to work.

Your Excellency. How wonderful to see you.

Your Excellency, I think Her Majesty...

Say something.

What would you like me to say, Your Majesty ?

Something intelligent.

I think this has gone far enough.

Minister Panin.

- Your Excellency ! - Good day.

Please continue, Lieutenant.

You're going down and I was going... up.

Thank you, Major General.

Sorry, Your Majesty. Am I disturbing you ?

No, no, not at all. Not at all. No.

Nothing interesting was happening.

Please continue singing. I like it.

More than I can say.

You could sing in here if you like.

If that is what Your Majesty desires, then that is what I shall do.

I want you to talk to you about the women you have been involved with.

I shall do my best Your Majesty. I may have to consult my notes.

I am sure there have been a great many.

You are a very attractive man.

When I was twelve and a half... in a barn near Smolensk..

I think I will go first.

A very good idea, I think, Your Majesty.

My husband Peter was one of the most unpleasant men

I have ever met in my life.

So you may discount him.

Yes, I never thought much of him, Your Majesty.

You couldn't really say we had a sex life.

D'you know, he had a condition of the foreskin

whereby for a very long time it was impossible for him to get an erection.

- I never knew that, Your Majesty. - Well...

No need to go into any further details about Peter III.

He could be so frightening.

He was violent. He was drunk. He was like an angry child.

I was terrified of him.

Other men ?

- I heard... - Yes ? What did you hear ?

Fifteen...

- What ? - No ! No.

Oh, what lies they tell about women in power.

So ?

Not that many. Five.

There was one when I was living under the Empress Elizabeth,

still married to that pig, Peter.

The only significant one is Orlov, unless you count the King of Poland...

I am jealous of Orlov.

You shouldn't be. Although I was in love with him.

He wanted to marry me. Well, of course he did, he wanted the power.

I will not share my throne with anyone.

Grigory resented the power.

The power I seem to have.

The power you have.

He has no idea of how difficult it is to maintain such a thing.

How many the dangers,

how varied the directions from which they emerge.

I am not interested in debauchery.

I am interested in love. And honesty.

That is all that interests me.

I need love.

Have an obsessive need for it. I will confess that.

So if you want to be with me, you have to love me, always.

And always tell me the truth.

At fifteen there was a girl in a field outside of Smolensk..

No, no, no ! Enough, enough of these confessions !

I got you ! I did...

Listen, I find my private bath house is a wondrous place to relax.

I'm going to tell them that you are to be allowed access whenever you wish.

Very generous of you, Your Majesty.

Though I make no promises about any debauchery that might occur.

Fields... barns... Smolensk... Minsk...

Your record in this area is very troubling.

It is so reassuring to have you back at court.

So...

When I was sixteen and a half...

Well.

And what do you want to do now ?

Well I was thinking that I might...

quit while I'm ahead.

The only ones who have reason to be frightened

are the pigs who steal your land

and beat you like dogs !

This is your Governor.

And his wife, Lady Anna Vasilievna.

No !

Pigs !

There are still slaves in Russia.

Do you want to be slaves ?

Don't you think she looks like Catherine ?

Maybe she is Catherine. Look at those eyes.

She wants to fuck everything she sees.

Including my horses.

Kill the child !

I thought you might like a tour of the barracks.

Because I know how passionate Your Excellency is about soldiering.

- Do you understand ? - Yes, sir !

You heard the officer ! On the double, on command !

What's remarkable about the Preobrazhensky guard

is that we take peasants and we turn them into soldiers.

For your mother's wars.

And why is it the peasants dream of my father returning to save them ?

Because Russia must be ruled by a man, Your Excellency.

I don't know how impressed the Turks are by our peasants.

But I can tell you this, they terrify me.

And what do you make of this Pugachev business ?

I think it may be more serious than she believes.

She's taken her eye off the ball. She only has eyes for...

Her Majesty needs to pay attention to the Preobrazhensky.

They put her in power and they can take it away again.

Oh, I am sure she is very aware of any threat they may pose.

She doesn't miss much, sir.

And may I say, Your Excellency...

Now that my brother is hardly in court any more

how sorry I was about your father.

I was very much a junior partner in that business.

I am sure you understand.

I understand all about being excluded from power, Count Orlov.

She is putting Potemkin on the council, I hear.

Meteoric rise !

Who's there ?

I am here by permission of our Empress.

I also.

I am stark naked, Your Majesty.

As am I.

Under my clothes.

Drape yourself in something and come out here. I need your advice.

I am attempting to cover my equipment. It is a colossal task.

- What time did he go in ? - An hour ago.

- And her ? - Fifteen minutes.

He's been hard at work while I've been down south.

Let's see how much time they devote to fucking.

It has important political implications.

This man Pugachev, in the Lower Volga. What do you think ?

Well, I don't know what to think yet.

- I came across him. Down South. - Yes ?

Yes. I heard he'd fled from the army.

Not from the Volga. A Don Cossack, an Old Believer.

Is he sane ?

There are those who say that running away from the Russian army

is a positive sign of sanity.

Do I think that this Pugachev business is serious ?

Yes, I do.

You see I didn't think it was that serious, but...

I think maybe it is ? The peasants could listen to him.

They always think they need to be ruled by a man. Poor lost souls.

"Slavery does not have to be a Russian institution."

Some woman said that.

And yet it does.

However much we wish that not to be true.

You know, you really are a very attractive man.

I can't tell you how pleasant it is to have someone to talk to.

Well, yes. Tell me...

Lieutenant Vasilchikov...

No, no, I'm going to get rid of him. Oh, yes.

I've offered him 60,000 rubles. And quite a nice palace.

Panin is making all the arrangements.

You see, if... we were to be lovers it would...

- It would have to be... - For all time.

Are you proposing ?

How would one go about proposing such a thing, Your Majesty.

That's an impossible idea, I'm afraid.

I was I thinking we were going to make love. We end up talking politics.

And that's why I like you so much.

What the fuck are you two doing out here ?

Timing you.

It takes more than ten minutes to satisfy her.

And I suppose your little brother's out here with his hand on his cock,

hoping to watch somebody having sex.

Probably the closest thing he gets to it.

A bit like his hands off approach to naval warfare.

You won't last with her. Or anyone else, Potemkin.

You are a vulgar little counter jumper and your days are numbered.

Fancy trying for the other eye, do you Alexei ?

We are not listening to this.

You going to join your brother and fuck off from court too, are you ?

I don't know how you can stay, I mean, where is your self respect ?

I will never allow the country I love

to be governed by a disgusting little upstart like you.

This little disgusting upstart has been away at war.

I don't know about you, but I've been cutting my way through Turkish hordes.

And given the opportunity, I will do you the same to you.

What do you want, Potemkin ?

I don't think it's gone through your thick skull, has it ?

I am not here to use the woman,

or squeeze her to make money out of her, no !

I'm not here to use her

as a stepping stone to my brilliant fucking career, am I ?

I love the woman. I love her ! In the way a man should love a woman.

Do you want a bit of this ? Come on, give the fuck over !

You're mad !

Potemkin... insane !

So Grigory Orlov has finally left court. I wonder why ?

I showed him my penis, Your Majesty.

It seems Monsieur Pugachev is moving towards Moscow.

He has taken Kazan. He destroyed General Kar.

This is serious, Grishenka.

Panin and the rest of them think we are too preoccupied with each other.

- They say we are having an affair. - Well aren't we ?

Not that I have noticed.

Not yet, anyway.

- We did send a small force. - I know, they were cut down.

Any loss of Russian soldiers' life is like losing a part of myself.

Now we need someone of proven experience.

Major General Potemkin, your opinion ?

Your Majesty, if Pugachev is indeed marching on Moscow,

then we need to mobilise now.

Agreed. A large force. But who should lead it ?

I don't think this is a job for the navy, Count Orlov.

Unless of course you mean to navigate your way to Kazan.

It is possible Your Majesty that...

There is someone at this table who has fought hand to hand with the Turks

and brought home astonishing victories...

Major General Potemkin ?

If it is thought I am the man to succeed Your Majesty,

then I am more than happy to settle this deluded traitor once and for all.

- An excellent notion, Your Majesty. - Good, then it is agreed.

Potemkin will take command of the army. Let us put it into motion.

Well. It seems I must go and you must stay.

Stay alive. That's all I ask.

And when I come back ?

If I come back.

You will come back. You will. You must.

Lieutenant Potemkin.

I think you will find I have been promoted, Your Excellency.

- Some time ago. - I know people like you.

You crawl to my mother and think you will get money and...

I crawl to no-one.

I serve my country, need I remind you ?

Whose dog are you if it comes to that ?

You cannot speak to me like that !

I just did.

Now Sir, I have a war to win.

You'd look wonderful in uniform sir.

War, war !

All I want to do is talk about sex.

Or gardening.

You want to talk about Potemkin. Don't you ?

Yes, yes I do ! I do !

That's just like my husband.

Peter used to drill little toy soldiers.

For hours on end. Dressed in full Holstein uniform.

And we have to find Alexei Orlov a job.

Or he's going to cause trouble.

Always keep the awkward ones busy.

And only get rid of them if they actually fuck it up.

Minister of War ?

That's an idea !

My father was the father of his people.

And one day I will fulfil the duties and responsibilities of that role.

I will lead a disciplined army of soldiers

to make his dream for this great country come true !

Discipline gentlemen.

Martial, masculine discipline !

Present arms !

About face !

Are you planning your own little coup ?

Is that what this is all about ?

Well you won't succeed young man.

The army is loyal to me.

And the peasants will do as they are told.

I am sorry but that is the truth. The mass of the people always obey orders.

It would be a terrible mistake to go against me.

Because I know more about politics than you will ever know.

I survive,

as I have survived for half a century in a world that does not want me.

You would not last two minutes as a ruler of Russia.

And all your drilling with your little toy soldiers

will get you nowhere at all.

You see power. Power is a balancing act.

You have to learn how to walk the line.

You always spoke of reform when you first began to rule.

Yes, well I had all sorts of ideas when I was younger.

And I still believe in justice for all.

But I would remind you always to remember from where your power,

if you are ever to have any, which I doubt, will derive.

- All I am saying is... - This is my country ! You stupid boy.

- Look to your wife. Get me an heir. - You lied to me about my father.

And you lie to the country and promise them one thing then give them another.

I want my father to be alive.

I want him here. Beside me. Is that a crime ?

Look. I understand. I know you're going to rule, one day, probably.

And I do want to hear your political ideas.

Why don't you write something about,

I don't know, the peasants' unrest. And send it to me.

I will read it, I will. I promise.

Agreed ?

It's you...

Go fuck yourself you one eyed cunt !

Stand up !

You think you're fucking invisible ?

Potemkin has finished him off.

He is riding back to St Petersburg with Pugachev in a cage,

like the wild beast that he is.

Major General Potemkin deserves our thanks, Your Majesty.

I am not usually in favour of triumphal marches.

It smacks too much of the last days of the Roman Empire.

But I think I will ride out to meet him.

Is that wise, Your Majesty ?

Why would it not be, Minister ?

You could be in danger, Your Majesty.

Is the countryside entirely pacified ?

How would you know Minister ? You hardly ever go there.

Make the arrangements.

I will ride out at the head of the Preobrazhensky Guard.

I...

I do feel that this is dangerous, Your Majesty.

They need to see me...

Minister.

I do have one piece of advice, however I would like from you.

I want it to be thoroughly researched and I would like comprehensive answers

in the best traditions of the Russian Civil Service.

What am I going to wear ?

What am I going to wear ?!

Your Majesty...

Pugachev ! Pugachev !

God sees all your suffering, my children.

He sees everything.

Through my eyes he sees it ! Through my eyes !

Pugachev !

Pugachev !

We congratulate you on your service !

Your Majesty.

Pugachev !

Your Majesty. Catherine ! Mother of all Russia, we are not worthy.

- We bow before you, Your Majesty. - Bless us, Your Majesty.

Catherine ! Catherine !

Catherine !Catherine !

Catherine ! Catherine !

Whore !

They want a public execution.

I have told the hangman he is not to be disembowelled.

Why do they think cruelty can wipe out the memory of cruelty ?

What you need, Major General Potemkin, is a bath...

Do I...

Not unpleasantly.

I do not dislike the smell of fresh sweat on a man.

My bath house ? In ten minutes ?

Come and join me. But lock the door.

People are inquisitive in this palace.

And I am the most inquisitive of all of them.

Please, join me.

No need to wear a towel. It is wonderfully hot in here.

Now I want to see if everything they say about you is true.

I would apologise in advance

for any deficiencies that I might have.

I want you not because of what you can give me.

Or who you are.

All I want...

I want you because I love you.

I love you. And that will never change.

Is that a proposal ? Are you proposing ?

It is ! It sounds like a proposal !

CATHERINE THE GREAT

Episode 2