Original subtitles

I'm trying to remember the first time I ever thought about killing myself.

I was young. Maybe five or six.

And at first it was just a harmless idea.

What if I wasn't here anymore?

By the time I hit puberty, it became like, an infatuation.

like an imaginary friend that would comfort me when I was alone.

I knew they weren't normal feelings, but I also knew that I wasn't normal.

Hello? Helen Daniels.

And we have three package options for you, and... Yes, including airfare.

Yes, Mrs. Parker, I have been working on those options for you.

I... Well, I can speak with him again.

So, for the first one, I can get you down to four ninety-nine including airfare

and then also your hotel discount.

Hello?

Mrs. Parker?

Hello?

Hey, Helen.

- Hey. - Hey.

So, I think that I'm going to be feeling a little under the weather tomorrow,

if you know what I mean,

so I just wanted to make sure that you kinda had me covered if I'm not here.

Hey, Helen.

Wow, that dress is perfect. 'Cause you're in it.

- Thanks. - Hey, Mark, do you mind if I talk with you a little bit?

I just haven't been feeling really well, and I was wondering if you might...

Hey, guys.

Hi, Grams.

Whatcha looking at?

Oh, check.

Check, check, check, check, check.

Uh, I'm not gonna get paid until Friday, so if you can...

Don't cash till then. Right.

Yes. Okay, sorry about that.

Thank you.

Oh, by the way, she hasn't eaten dinner yet.

Be right back, Grams.

Okay. Almost done, Grams.

Hi, Mark.

I know. I am so sorry. I will be there as soon as I can.

Yeah, well it should have been a couple hours ago.

I'm really sorry. Okay, thanks. Bye.

- Oh, my God, where were you? - Bus.

- The bus was two hours late? - It happens.

Okay.

I already washed and fed her, so if you could just...

- Be here. - Got it.

Okay. Bye, Grams.

Helen. Good to see you.

Hey, Mark.

I am so sorry that I was late this morning. I know it's been happening a lot.

It's just, I'm having...

Look, I completely understand, okay? That's what I've been telling everyone.

I have to let you know. There's another round of layoffs coming down

and your name has been floating around.

Right, okay. Well, I will do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again.

- I swear. And I... - I know. I got your back, okay?

Just... just realize that anything you ever need... I'll be here for you.

Oh.

Thanks.

Thank you. That's...

- Of course. - That's really nice.

So I was thinking, if you're free tonight,

maybe you and I go out for a couple of drinks? On me.

Um, well, I usually have to get home pretty fast 'cause my grandmother...

they are waiting - for me most of the time. Helen, I'm not gonna take no

for an answer, okay? Look.

We're a couple of adults who work hard and we deserve to have some fun, too.

Yeah. Sorry, could you just hang on one second?

Ms.Daniels, is that a work call or...?

- Helen. - Hello?

- Yeah, yeah. Is she okay? - You know we have a no cell phone policy.

Okay, well, are they on their way?

Yes. Yes, I will be right there. Thank you. Yeah, bye.

- Excuse me, what was that about? - I'm sorry. I have to go. It's an emergency.

- It's an emergency. - Where do you think you're going?

Please don't touch me.

I'm just trying to help you. I know you want me to help.

Don't...

Ms. Daniels, walk out that door...

You're fired!

Damn it!

Get back to work!

- What's going on? Is she okay? - Is she your grandmother?

Yes, yes. She's my grandmother. Is she okay?

Well, the oxygen tank's main valve was leaking.

It hasn't been replaced in months. There was no backups.

We changed the air filter and the main valve, of course. The tank is also old.

I suggest you order it some backups.

I will. Okay, I will.

If I can just get you to sign.

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you. Thank you so much for staying. I really appreciate it.

- Do you have a minute to talk? - Yeah. Yeah, what's up?

Helen, I... I have to quit.

- You what? - I'm sorry.

I need you.

I think what you do for your grandma is amazing. Honestly.

But I have to take care of my family, too.

I get it. I get it.

Just...

It didn't go through?

Just... just buy her the stuff that she needs.

I can't. I cannot do that. I can't take this.

You don't have any other options, Helen.

It's fine.

- Bye, Helen. - Bye.

It's okay.

Aww, Dad was cute.

Is that Grandpa?

He smoked a pipe? You let him smoke a pipe?

I cannot believe that.

Hey, hey, hey. Let's leave that on, okay?

Okay?

You know what I bet we could find?

Grandpa's favorite.

♪ If I could have a dream I wouldn't be so blue ♪

Mm.

It's the laundry.

I will be right back.

♪ When I go to sleep I just keep counting sheep ♪

♪ If I could have a dream ♪

♪ I'd have a dream Of you, sweetheart ♪

Grams, you asleep already?

Grams?

♪ Every day I see you passing ♪

- ♪ But you don't notice me ♪ - Grams?

♪ It makes me want to cry ♪

- ♪ I long to see your face ♪ - Grams? Grandma?

♪ When I close my eyes ♪

- Grandma? - ♪ I wake up in the Morning and sigh ♪

Grandma.

Grandma.

I love you.

I know, I can't believe it.

You know, I didn't see the granddaughter around.

Mmm. Surprise, surprise. I'm sure she's celebrating right now.

Oh, don't say that!

Well,

she doesn't have to take care of a sick old woman and she gets a free house.

I wouldn't be surprised if she suffocated Katharine with a pillow.

- Oh, you don't really think that? - Yes, I do.

Production is starting soon.

No.

- Not answering. - Please leave a message after the tone.

Hey, Helen. This is Jenna from work.

I just wanted to say happy birthday, or happy almost birthday.

- I know you got fired and everything... - Oh, shit.

but your birthday is still up on the office calendar

- and you know we grab drinks every Friday. - No.

- So if you didn't have any plans... - I do have plans.

...you should totally stop by.

Oh, yeah, Mark won't be there.

Give me a call if you need the address. I don't think you've been there with us. Let me know.

Hello?

Hey.

Oh, sorry. So sorry.

Hey, Jenna.

- Hey, girl. Happy birthday! - Oh, thank you.

I wish you got here sooner. I'm about to leave.

You're leaving now? Where are you going?

Where do you think I'm going?

- Hi. - Oh. Hi.

But you stay. You make sure everybody buys you a drink.

Well, yeah, I'm not really sure that I know anybody.

And do not worry 'cause there are tons of hot guys.

Tell everybody that you got super fired.

They will pity you and it will be amazing.

Actually, can we get shots? I would like shots for my friend here.

Just one for you, and one for you for later. And I am gonna bring my friend Brian with me.

Oh, God, isn't that delicious?

- It's Thomas. - Hi, Thomas.

That sounds nothing like Brian.

She's crashing.

Come on, sweetie. Stay with us.

- Is this her? - Yeah.

I heard if she doesn't wake up tomorrow afternoon they're gonna kill the machine.

What about her family?

They couldn't find anyone.

See those fake flowers over there? Donated by the gift shop.

- That's depressing. - Yep.

- You think she can hear us? - She's in a coma, you moron.

Come on. We have live patients to check on.

I can take the tube out, okay?

All right. There you go.

You're okay. You're okay.

You're all right. You're all right.

I'm gonna give you something to relax you, okay?

There you go. There you go.

Now we're gonna take the tube out, okay?

There we go.

Now your throat will be sore for a few days but you're gonna be fine.

Morning.

Oh, I'm so sorry for waking you up, but how you feeling?

Oh, no. You can't talk yet.

Sorry. Just wanted to check on you before the end of my shift.

My name is Tori, and I'm a psychiatric nurse.

Also, I work with Dr. Carol.

Now, she will be your primary doctor, and she'll be around tomorrow.

Hey.

Yeah?

Can you untie me?

Oh, yeah. I'm not supposed to.

You gave the other nurses a really hard time.

Please?

No hittin', no spittin', no bitin'. Deal?

Promise.

You know,

I just had a feeling you were gonna make it.

It was touch and go there for a bit.

I gotcha.

All right, you are free.

- Oh, thank you. - Yeah, you're welcome.

I bet you're starving. Oh, here. Here we go.

Yeah, let's get you some nourishment. All right.

Here we go. I'm going to bring you up. Here we go.

Oopsie daisy. Yep, it's a fun ride.

Oh, you like puddin'?

I can get you some extra puddin'.

You know, I can't really get hot stuff 'cause, you know, it's hard to transport and all,

but puddin', they just keep it in this great big cabinet and no one's ever around and

you can just grab lots of 'em.

It just hits the spot, doesn't it?

Would you like some help, Ms. Daniels?

- Do I know you? - Not yet.

I'm Dr. Carol.

Hi, Dr. Carol.

I'll be overseeing your stay with us while you're in recovery.

Ah, sounds fun.

So I wanna show you your X-rays.

These are your internal organs. Now, these little white spots. these are holes

from the explosions inside of your body.

Wait. Explosions? I have explosions?

Yes, from the rat poison.

Calcium cyanide. It's been illegal in this country since 1993.

The tiniest of dosage is lethal, but of course, you knew that.

It must not be that lethal.

Fortunately for you, you didn't turn off the stove which set off your alarm.

Your neighbors heard it and called 911.

Well, aren't they sweet?

Look, could we just cut the shit here and you tell me when I get to go home?

Well, that is entirely up to you.

My job is to make sure that you are not only physically healthy

but mentally stable so that you can go home or to a psychiatric facility.

I'm sorry. Are you talking about a mental institution?

You can't do that.

Yes, I can.

If I think that you're a danger to yourself or others. Yeah.

So, you're telling me I need to impress you?

- Hello? - No, not... not necessarily.

Okay, then what? Tell me what I need to do to get the hell outta here.

When you are able to walk on your own, we'll have a meeting in my office.

You try to have a good weekend.

Yeah, you too.

Can I get you a walker? Maybe you can get out and get some fresh air.

Where in the hell is the fucking cafeteria?

This place can't have any placards to tell people where to go in this stupid shithole?

I'm sorry, can I help you with something?

What? No, it's just...

You know you don't have to use those gowns, right?

- What the fuck are you talking about? - Never mind.

You're looking for the cafeteria, right? It's on this floor.

Of course it is. Thanks.

You know, it's actually that way.

You know, maybe I am just getting some exercise, okay?

Is it any of your goddamn business? No.

All right.

Well, this has been a real wake-up call.

You know, I guess it never occurred to me that I really might die.

and now that I've seen the consequences, it's like-

it's like I have a whole new perspective on my life

and I know that I have to keep going because

that's what Grams would have wanted.

That's very impressive.

I just hope you can give the same enthusiasm to your treatment

as you just gave that little speech.

Excuse me?

Do you have any idea how many people try that on me?

Try what? I'm... I'm just telling you. Like, this was a one-time kinda thing.

I mean, I left the stove on, for Christ sake.

That's gotta be a cry for help, right?

A cry for help?

Do you realize since you've been admitted that you've not had one phone call,

not one visitor and I just have to wonder

what exactly are you living for?

Does it really matter?

Yes, it matters. Your life matters.

- No, not my life. - Does it matter to you,

or to anybody in this hospital for that matter because

apparently if my coma lasted a few more hours

you guys were gonna kill the machines and we would not be having this conversation.

- Who told you that? - Tell me it's not true.

Well, there's a lot of co-factors that go into a decision like this.

I'm sure there are.

You know, there's irreversible brain damage after twenty-four hours.

You know what? Fuck this.

Ms. Daniels, you have experienced a tremendous amount of trauma.

Trauma?

Are you talking about the rat poison?

The drooling and the sweating and the black dots popping in my mouth?

Or me looking for my teeth in my own vomit because I thought they'd fell out?

You think that was trauma? Are you fuckin' stupid?

All of that, and I was still having a better day than the one before.

This is the trauma.

You know, the sooner we do this, the sooner you get to go home.

Okay, let's talk a little bit more about your family history.

Are there any medical conditions in your family that you're aware of?

Ms. Daniels?

I think you forgot to water your plant.

I may have.

Are there any medical conditions that you're aware of?

No, not that I'm aware of.

- Your father died in a car accident, correct? - Yep.

- And your mother? - Ran away.

Your grandmother?

- You know your clock is wrong, right? - Your grandmother?

She died of ALS and I'm pretty sure that you have that information already.

Yes, I do.

Have you reconsidered my suggestion about you taking medication?

Well, I've been on antidepressants my whole life

and it doesn't really feel like they worked.

Well, then let's look at a new dosage, maybe another medication.

We'll just figure out what works.

Whatever you want.

All right, let's move on.

On a scale of one to ten, one being least likely, ten being most likely,

how often do you have suicidal thoughts?

What about your job? Do you have other sources of income?

No, but my grandma left me some money.

Not a lot, but it should cover me until I get a new job.

- Hey, Helen. - Hey, Tori.

And what about health insurance? You were on your grandmother's plan, right?

No, she was on Medicaid. Why is Tori here?

Do I need two therapists?

- Ms. Daniels... - Helen.

There's been an issue with your health insurance and Tori is here to walk you through it.

Okay.

So we've been in contact with your previous employer's insurance

and when you got fired, you also lost your medical benefits.

- What? - As of right now,

you're responsible for all medical bills incurred at this hospital.

No, no. I had a contract, like... like pension coverage or something.

But the incident is being listed as a suicide attempt, which means that your home insurance

is not likely to cover the damages at the house.

You've had so much improvement lately.

I know it seems like a lot right now.

It is not a lot, Tori. I told you not to coddle her.

Could you excuse me, please? I... I need some air.

- What is wrong with you, Diane? - You know my views on coddling patients.

- I know she... she may be a little... - Rude, insensitive, selfish.

I was gonna say willful.

You have a soft spot for her.

- No, I do not. - Oh, really? Really?

Because I understand that you've been smuggling pudding to her.

Just the occasional chocolate.

- Hey, it's gown girl. - Oh, God!

I didn't mean to scare you.

It's fine. It's fine.

I'm Robert. I pointed you in the direction of the cafeteria the other day.

- Yeah. Yeah, I remember. I... - Are you okay?

Hey, come here. Sit... just sit down for a second.

I'm fine.

- Just for a second. - I'm fine. I got it, I got it.

- Should I call a doctor? - Do not call a doctor.

Okay, well then just put your head between your legs and breathe through your nose.

- Okay, okay. - Here.

So...

Uh, bad day?

Yeah, I guess you could say that.

Keep breathing. You want... you wanna tell me what happened?

Apparently I do not have insurance

and I cannot afford to stay at this fucking hospital.

Are you sure this actually works?

I don't know. Do you feel any better?

- No. No, not really. - Just... So

you said apparently you don't have insurance. What happened there?

Uh...

I got fired from my last job

and now the insurance, I guess, is saying that I quit so I get no fucking benefits.

My doctor's being pretty soulless about it.

Who's your doctor?

Her name is Dr. Carol.

She says that I should see my new debt as a challenge.

- Damn. Wow. - I know.

Yeah, for a psychiatric professional, she seems a little out of touch.

- Oh, I'd be so pissed. - Oh, I am pissed.

This is you pissed?

Yeah, like... like lightheaded and panicked and yes, pissed.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Come on, you can do better than that. Get up.

- You just told me to sit down. - Yeah, I know what I said. Just stand up for a second.

- Get up. - Okay, all right. All right. All right.

- Try this with me, okay? - Okay.

Try it. Come on, come on, come on.

Don't look around. Nobody comes out here anyway. Just do, don't think.

Yeah!

Yeah, let it out!

All right.

How do you feel?

- Good. - Yeah, right?

Yelling is good.

Look, I gotta... I gotta run, but. you gonna be okay?

Yeah, yeah. I think so. Thanks.

I'm Helen, by the way.

I'm Robert.

Hey, look, if you ever decide to like, actually get insurance, use that.

Answer me.

I think I said no.

Please. Just put her in my group.

You know, Tori, I love that you believe in people.

I... I really do, but I don't think that she's ready to be discharged yet.

Well, how much longer do you want her to stay?

A week. - I don't know. - You know she can't afford that.

Her labs are good, her organs are working better. You said she's been opening up.

She's had one good session. One.

Put her in my next group, and we'll keep an eye on her.

Okay.

Here's your paperwork.

- My paperwork? - You will be meeting with me every Wednesday at 3:00

and group therapy is Fridays at 5:00.

It's a twenty-week program. Provided you make progress.

For every session you miss, I add two.

Is that clear?

Clear. Wait. Are you telling me that I'm free?

Yes, you're free to leave.

But if you relapse

or I feel that you're at risk,

I will make sure that you get outside help. You understand?

- You mean from a mental hospital? - Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, I understand.

Um, thank you.

Good luck, Ms. Daniels.

See you on Wednesday.

I told them I can't make that kind of payment.

Okay, I... I will. Thank you. Yeah, bye.

Excuse me, is this the unemployment center?

Thanks.

This is some horseshit.

Five minutes. Yeah, right, five minutes!

What are you lookin' at?

It's like I live here.

I'm gonna be dead before I get in there. My cow will be dead before I get in there.

Someone get me a bed and squeeze me some OJ!

I think I might even trip you.

About fucking time.

Hey!

I'm sorry, are you closing for the day?

On Fridays, we close at 2:00.

Did you make an appointment?

No, I didn't even know that I could make an appointment, but I have a number.

Ma'am, I'm really sorry that we can't assist you today.

But feel free to take one of our job listings packets.

Thanks.

And AZT, they increased their prices again on me.

It has me a little worried. Gotta keep an eye on my CD-4s, my white blood cells.

you know, because if they come down a little too low, then

I become a walking death sentence, AIDS.

It's okay, they're making these amazing cocktails nowadays.

They just got me hopeful and grateful

for another moment.

All right. Well, thank you, everybody, so much for being here. Really glad you made it.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah. I'm just still looking for a job. I mean, a decent-paying job.

Give yourself a break.

It's only been a couple weeks. Something's gonna come up.

Yeah, but my bills are probably gonna come up first.

Well, just try not to stress too much.

- Are you staying? - Yeah, yeah. Is that okay?

I just... I wanted to find a couple more places to drop my resume on the way home.

Yeah, okay. Well, I guess I'll see you next week then.

Okay.

And call me if you need anything.

I will.

- Bye. - Bye, Tori.

Hi, yes, I'm looking for Robert.

Or, oh, Mr. Perkins.

No, probably not.

Okay, well, can I just leave a message?

Yeah, Helen Daniels.

Wait, don't you need my number?

Yeah, yeah. It's 513...

Hello?

Uh, next Wednesday? Another meeting?

- Perfect. We'll be there. - All right, perfect. Okay.

Thank you. Take care.

Well, hello, gown girl.

Well, hello, health insurance guy.

- Pretty clever, huh? - Oh, yeah.

Hey, by the way, I'm really sorry I gotta squeeze you into my lunch break.

Hey, no problem. I'm just appreciative that you called me back.

No, absolutely. Look, I would have called sooner, but I was out of town.

Hey, could you do me a favor and have the car brought around? Thanks.

Wait, are we leaving leaving? Like the whole building?

Okay, right. Look, Jeff, just... just listen.

I'm... I'm not going to take anything less than five million, okay?

Huh?

The sandwich.

Yeah, no. Not you. You tell Skylar that I am set on a five million,

two-year contract with two percent royalties.

No. Yes, I'm still here.

Okay.

Yeah. That sounds good.

Okay, well,

just call me back if you need me.

Perfect. All right. Great.

- Eat it. - Oh. Okay.

- What was that about? - Campaign for a new line of nail clippers for pets.

I didn't know that you guys insured pets.

Well, we like money. We insure everyone,

including our new employees.

Okay, could you... could you hold this, please?

Okay, thank you.

I printed off my resume for you and I know I already warned you that it's not long, but...

Let's see.

I'm a really fast learner and I know all the basic computer programs.

I'm also a pretty decent typer, but I don't know much about the paralegal

- stuff you talked about. - Helen, you have the job.

I'm sorry. What?

It's not that fancy. Kind of boring.

But there's a lot of room for promotion and you get your own office.

- Really? - Really, really.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

But I thought we were gonna have an interview, not a sandwich.

Okay, I have one question.

Look, I'm gonna be honest.

People at that hospital talk.

There's no secret why you were admitted.

So

interview question.

Okay.

Why'd you do it?

- You mean, like why did I try to...? - Yeah.

Wow.

Okay, um...

Wow, I did not prepare that question.

I guess.

I just didn't wanna do life anymore.

But you do now? You... you wanna do life?

Well, I'm...

I'm here. I'm... I'm trying.

Okay.

Okay?

Simple but solid answer.

You really don't have much of a filter, do you?

No. You'll get used to that.

Look, I'm not here to judge you, Helen. I just had to ask.

Well, I didn't have to, but I wanted to.

Yeah? Yeah, Jeff, we're on our way back.

Okay, good.

Hey.

- Hey, can I ask you a question? - Sure.

I mean, it's not that I'm not grateful, and please don't change your mind, but

- why would you wanna hire someone like me? - Someone who can type?

No, no, no. Come on, you know what I mean. Like,

do you exclusively get your employees from the psych ward?

Not always.

Welcome to your kingdom.

Now look, I've got a meeting in ten. You have any questions for me?

Uh, yes. Quick recap, if I can. Uh, okay, I'm doing research on malpractice.

- Yeah. - And I should start with the old institutions

because they have a paper trail.

And then after I add them to the computer, then I move on to the new institutions

- which should already be online. Yeah? - Yes.

- Cool. - Look, if you have any other questions, just ask Lisa.

- Who's Lisa? - My pre...

Hold on.

Lisa, Helen. Helen, Lisa.

I gotta run. You two have fun, okay?

Hi.

Hi.

Cool.

- How are you feeling? - I'm all right.

Your blood count?

Slightly low.

Is this why you wanted to meet me? Couldn't we just text this stuff?

I heard that you hired Helen Daniels.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

You know she's a patient of mine?

I do. So?

So you're twenty years older than she is

and just a little while ago she ate rat poison for breakfast.

Okay.

Well, first of all,

I'm just friends with Helen.

And Diane, you should know me better than that. Also, you're her doctor.

supposedly wanting her to succeed,

so why would you have a problem with me giving her a job?

Yeah, well, yes, you're right. I want her to succeed.

I don't know. Maybe I've just been doing this too long.

It's just in the last few months, she's been making little to no progress.

Little to... She got a job. That's a big milestone.

Well, Robert, you can't go running around picking up lost little puppies

every time you want a playmate.

Thank you. I'm trying to tell you

that I just wanna show her a little bit of compassion.

It seems like a concept you might have lost touch with.

Maybe you have been doing this a bit too long, Diane.

Maybe you're right.

But my advice to you is just keep this strictly professional.

Thank you, Diane.

I will... I will definitely keep that in mind.

Hello?

Hello?

Is this working?

Hello?

Hey.

Mr. Perkins asked me to tell you that when the phone rings, press one.

I... I think I tried that.

Obviously not.

Hello?

Hey, glad you got the message. I'm done with my meeting.

- You wanna grab some Chinese? - I love Chinese.

Oh, my God.

- What? - I don't love Chinese that much.

Excuse me?

What, are you embarrassed to be dining with me now?

Since you're paying, I think I'm gonna say no.

Exactly.

- What was your meeting about today? - Nuh-uh.

No work talk at the table. That's my mom's rules.

Fair enough.

Can we at least talk about you, though? Because I feel like you already know too much about me.

Okay. What do you wanna know?

- Really? - I cannot talk with my mouth full. That is nasty.

- Oh, so now I'm nasty? - I didn't say you were nasty.

Wait, no, you just said I was nasty.

...just the act of doing it. No, I didn't.

No, but you just... you just said that.

- Do you have any pets? - Okay, that is...

Allergic.

Okay.

Tattoos?

One. I can't show you.

Scandalous. Okay. Um...

- Are you married? - Divorced.

- How bad was it? - Not bad.

Just sad.

Sorry to hear that.

- Oh, thank you so much. - Thank you.

- All right. - You first.

"Don't worry about money. The best things in life are free."

Oh, fuck off. It does not say that.

- That's what I'm talking about. - Are you kidding me?

Yeah, look at it.

Oh, my God, of course, the rich guy gets that cookie.

- What does yours say? - Okay.

Are you kidding me?

- What? - Nothing.

- There's no fortune? - No.

Th... Okay.

- Are you okay? - No, it's just like

you tried to kill yourself and now you have no fortune.

Oh, my God. That is so not funny.

- What is wrong with you? - That's what you get.

I want to talk about my... my step-daughter, Chloe.

And when I first met Chloe, she was fifteen.

And I'm a teacher, and...

So I'm kinda trained to really look for things

that are concerning.

My mom and my dad had me at a very young age. My mom was twenty at the time.

My dad was eighteen, so they were very young. They were kids in the music scene.

And an accident happened, and that accident was me.

To this day, it's so hard to talk about, but

at twenty-eight, I was... I was diagnosed as... back then, it was manic depression.

Diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and gave me some pills, but

even with the pills I didn't feel like I was being better.

And then there was this one day that I felt like

there was no tomorrow.

It's hard to explain, but I just didn't feel like

there was a future.

Hit with bamboo sticks. I was hit with the belt buckles.

I used to try to hide those things from school.

Um. I hid them for a long time from everyone. My family knew a little bit about it.

but a lot of them kinda looked the other way or they don't really know how to intervene.

Gradually, by the time she was eighteen, nineteen, she was...

she was doing some harder stuff. She started doing meth, and...

coke, and eventually heroin.

I've spent many nights

in a... in a closet,

either with a gun in my mouth or making a noose, or

whatever, but

it still is part of me every day.

It's kinda bad that I look for the highs after the lows

because they can last two weeks, but you're just waiting to get that high back

so you can accomplish things.

There's only two ways I'm gonna take

all these pills and either I'm gonna feel better or I'm not going to be alive anymore.

I tried to kill myself when I was like eight years old.

I just tied my neck with like, an ironing board and tried to use the cord,

and I couldn't figure out how to do it.

And I passed out and they found me in the laundry room.

Hanging out of her bedroom window with a sheet tied around her neck

and

she was... she was dying. She was choking, killing herself.

And I pulled her in, and I was able to unwrap it, and you know, call-

call for the squad to come and I just rocked her and rocked her and rocked her.

And she said, "I don't wanna die, but I don't wanna live.

I need to find a place in between."

I had just this horrible pain in my stomach and I didn't know at the time

if it was from the drugs that I took

or if it was just the regret that I was feeling and the pain in my-

that I was still feeling inside of me because I still felt like I needed to die.

It's an evil little thing, manic depression because it's always there.

You know it's there but you never know when it's gonna come up on you.

We sent her to a treatment center for six weeks.

We thought everything was gonna be really good,

and three days after she...

she was released, her and her boyfriend overdosed together.

There's always someone out there that can relate to your issues

and that no matter what you think, your life always matters and you can help someone else,

too and maybe that's a good reason for you to keep going

and maybe that's a good reason to have purpose.

Thanks.

You know, this used to be a closet.

That's why there's no windows.

Fun fact.

It's Haley, right?

Okay, I know that you know my name.

I'm sure you've realized that Robert is a very busy man.

So, to make it easier on him and you, if there's anything you need at all,

it's better if you just come to me first.

And why is that exactly?

I'm Robert's executive secretary. I've been here for two years.

I work very hard. I know when he's stressed out.

I know how he takes his coffee. I know where his extra ties are in case he spills food,

which he does all the time.

Okay, so you're like his nanny?

Cute.

Look, I fully support Robert's charitable pet projects.

I really do.

But he's an executive

and you have a GED.

You get what I'm saying? Is this making sense?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I see what you're saying.

And you know what? You're actually right. I do have a GED.

And isn't it funny how we ended up in the same place anyway?

Hm.

Look, it's been really great chatting with you and everything, but

I think I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of my closet.

Thanks.

Have fun with this.

Oh, man.

- Oh, hey. - Hey.

- What's all this? - My job.

- Is something wrong? - What? No.

No, all those institutions, they had or have issues with money laundering,

abuse of authority, sudden deaths, shock therapy. List goes on.

Nice work. I'll take 'em down to legal later. Thanks.

Welcome.

Oh, I have been having trouble getting in touch with one of the facilities,

so if you don't need me I was thinking I would just stop by there on my way home.

Yeah, sure. Of course. Which facility was it?

The MIFF or something.

Isn't that like three hours away?

Well, yeah. That's why I would need to leave now.

Okay. Why are you acting so weird?

I'm not.

You know, it's not part of your job. Why are you goin'?

Well, you're not the only one who needs to get out of the office sometimes.

- MIFF? A mental institution? - Yeah, why not?

I'll fit in well.

All right. All right. Well, let me... let me know how it goes.

Will do.

Well, I've been here for the past twenty years and I remember every single patient.

- Even those from way back when? - To some degree or another.

What exactly is it you want to know?

Well, it's not me. It's, uh, AHCPN,

and they would like to know any information you have on a former patient.

Well, I'm afraid I'm not allowed to disclose that kind of information.

Um...

Look, you should know that this institution is currently under investigation

for malpractice and insurance fraud

and there is a lot that we at AHCPN can do

in order to prevent any more incidents.

I'm sure you wouldn't want news crews crawling all around your facility.

Let me explain something to you, young lady.

This facility was under investigation decades ago

and those administrators were charged and prosecuted.

Since I've taken over, malpractice is not something this institution condones.

Now

what is it you really want to know?

I would like to know

about a patient named Margaret Daniels.

- What did you say your name was? - Helen.

Helen Daniels.

Do you mind if I see some credentials, ID?

Oh, yeah, sure.

You look just like her.

Daniels, Margaret.

Your mom?

Yeah.

She was admitted in 1997.

The previous board believed she was suffering from schizophrenia and paranoid delusions.

Wait, they believed she was? I mean, was she?

I honestly don't know.

With all due respect and everything, shouldn't you know?

- I mean, you said you were one of her doctors, right? - I was an intern at the time.

I didn't get to evaluate her.

And truthfully, by the time I met her,

a clear diagnosis would have been difficult.

Why?

Unfortunately, your mother was one of several patients

who received regular shock therapy in 1997.

By the time she passed... Schizophrenia and paranoid delusion.

She was barely coherent. Daniels, Margaret. Your mom?

Yeah, no. It was pretty much just a waste of time.

Well, no there was nothing to find out really.

I'm fine. Look, I'm opening a bottle of wine. That's how fine I am.

No, I told you that I wasn't... Oh, shit! Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

No, no, I'm... I'm good. I just broke one of the only fancy glasses that I own.

No, it's okay. It's okay.

Shouldn't we like, pray or something?

You already made it a cross.

Well, yeah. I mean, he deserves to be buried with dignity.

It's just a dead rat.

Yeah, but he has a family

and it's my fault that they lost their rat dad

or their rat uncle or their rat son or whatever.

I mean, you know... you know you did the right thing? I mean, rats carry, like, diseases and...

God, so what? So does that mean that he has no feelings and no soul and no purpose?

Okay. Well, maybe we should... should name the rat.

I mean, you seem very attached to him.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Don't let this get inside your head. Genetics are not a curse.

Your mother's life does not have to dictate yours.

Well, yeah, but they can factor in.

No, they do factor in and I just wanna know what level of crazy I inherited. You know?

That's kind of difficult to assess.

So, aside from genetics

how does it feel to be more or less reconnecting with your mother?

Well, I'd like to say that it's giving me some kind of closure, but

I don't know. I just have more questions. Like,

like how did she get there and where did she go when she left us?

And was she actually crazy or did they just fry the life out of her?

How did she die?

Well, you can ask to have her records released to you.

You are her next of kin.

Oh, yeah. I guess I am.

- Hey, you replaced your plant. - Nope, I just watered it.

How's your medication doing?

Oh, about the same.

Some days I'm fine. Some days I wanna rip my skin off.

You know.

Yeah, well, it takes a little while for the antidepressants to kick in.

- Let's just give it a few more weeks. - You got it.

All right, that's our time.

You're making great progress.

- I am? - Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna remember you said that.

I'll see you next week.

Yes, you will. And the week after that and the week after that, and the week after that.

Thank you.

Shouldn't you be at work?

I'm the boss.

What are you doin' here?

I wanna go do something fun, but I don't want to go by myself.

Ah.

What is this? A date?

- You wish. - Oh, please.

Please.

Oh, my God. Really, you brought me here?

What, are you... are you allergic to fun?

- Probably. - Okay.

- No, no, I am not doing... - Come on. Let's go.

- Ah! Whoops! - Oh, God!

Whoa!

- Are we on the same team? - Yes.

Oh! Oh! Oh, I'm out of balls.

- There! - Yeah, there. Okay, so we gotta get the green guys.

- I thought you said you were good at this? - No, I lied actually.

Oh, shit!

My God, I love this place.

- Right? - Oh...

- Oh! - You!

I got it, I got it, I got it.

- No, I got him! - I got him!

- Whew, yeah! - I'm not gonna lie.

- I told you. - It was pretty cool.

Oh, my God.

Oh, damn.

- You got it? - Yeah, thanks.

Hey, I know that you've been goin' through a lot lately and so

with that in mind I decided to bring you a little

a little present.

- Drugs? - Yeah.

You brought me drugs?

- Oh, my God, how old are you? - What do you mean, drugs? This is pot.

- This is medical marijuana. - Oh, it's pot.

- Seriously, don't you have friends? - Do I have...?

Is this an Afterschool Special?

God, shut up.

Hey, just because I've never smoked pot doesn't mean that I don't have friends.

Well. you've never smoked pot.

You've never been to an arcade. It's like basically you're a hermit.

I'm not a hermit.

Okay, maybe a little bit.

- You know, I did have friends. - Mm-hmm.

Then Grams got sick and I wound up going full-time with my shitty after-school job.

Well, after your grandma died, did you try to reconnect with any of them?

Oh, God, no.

It's been such a long time, it would be like talking to strangers.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, that's gross.

Yeah. Give it a second.

- Hey, can I ask you a question? - Yeah.

Earlier when you took your jacket off, I couldn't help but...

I saw your scars and I just wanna... I wanna make sure that you're, you know.

Okay.

No, I... I get it.

You watched me take my jacket off.

Wait, what are you doing?

I don't know. I just wanted to touch you.

Okay, I think that you're already high.

Oh, come on. All this time and you never thought about fucking me?

No, honestly. No, I haven't.

What?

Do you have a girlfriend or something?

Boyfriend?

I told you I was divorced.

So that means that you have to be celibate?

Why is it so hard for you to believe that I just wanna be friends?

Do you think that little of yourself?

Look, I know you don't see me like that, so...

Geez, I mean, if you don't wanna talk about your scars, we don't have to talk about your scars,

but just say that. All right?

I'm...

I'm not trying to kill myself, if that's what you think.

That's good.

Okay, um.

I'm just gonna tell you what happened. Cool?

Yeah.

After I came back from the hospital, I couldn't...

I was in the shower and I cut myself shaving by accident

and it felt good.

It does. It feels great.

It's like for those five minutes, the world just stops and it's quiet

and I'm in control, and I feel like I can breathe.

Have you told Dr. Carol about this?

Yeah, I did. We are working on it.

Okay, that's good.

I mean, you know that I'm here for you, right? Like emotionally?

Thank you.

I am so sorry about the, um, touching.

You freaked me out a little there with that.

Yeah, sorry.

Yeah.

Would you wanna go get some totally platonic nachos?

Totally.

Do you think they're fucking?

God, I hope not.

You know I'm a born again virgin. I'm totally saving myself for him.

Get in line, sister.

Please.

- I'm prettier than she is, right? - Of course.

You know, he does seem happier.

I'm bored. What time is it?

What the hell are they doing in there? It's taking forever.

Oh, do you want to go for a kiki?

Look, if anything, just do this as a personal favor.

Robert, I would love to.

But?

She wasn't in any government program. She quit her job.

No, no. Fired. Tell him I got fired.

Look, I promise you, this is the last time I'll ask you for anything. I swear.

You're killing me here, Robert, but let me see what I can do.

Okay, what do you think? What do you think?

You know, forty-eight months,

two percent APR. I mean, that's if he's in a bad mood, which means...

- Robert? - Yeah?

Listen, all her expenses after you hired her

are covered through the company's healthcare,

but the rest, I think I can get her seventy-two months with a 2. 2 percent APR.

And if I could legally do more, I would've.

Thank you so much.

No problem.

Babe, you know I have to wait until they're done.

Well, let's just pretend they're done.

Shut up.

Hi.

Hello.

Oh, thank you. Nice package. Smells just like you.

I like balls.

Oh, this one is so much bigger.

Shut up! Seventy-two months! Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You're welcome.

Do you have a fever or something?

- Uh? - You're sweaty.

No, I don't. I mean, I think it's a little hot in here.

No, you're sweaty and you look like shit.

- Sorry if I'm interrupting something. - You're not.

Helen, this came for you.

Thank you.

The only reason you're here is because your son didn't want you to be alone.

You were his charity case. This is my house!

He wanted me here because he could never trust you with Helen.

You're a pathological liar.

You ruined my son's life!

He died in a car accident, Katharine! It's nobody's fault!

He was drunk and you know it.

Don't...

You lay around in bed all day, every day. You are afraid to leave the house!

- I'm grieving! - You're insane.

I will not let Helen grow up like this. God forbid she turned out like you!

Get out of my house, Katharine.

Oh, I will. But I'm taking Helen with me.

I dare you, bitch.

I'm calling the police.

Helen? Helen.

Hey.

- Oh, my God, are you deaf? - Sorry.

I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm kind of out of it.

- Whatever. Have you seen Robert? - No, why?

He hasn't been here since Thursday.

- Really? Did you call his apartment? - Uh-huh.

- And the company's driver? - Yes. Nothing.

Okay, well, did you try his cell phone?

Are you serious? Don't you think that would be like, the first thing I'd try?

- Well, you never know. - God, we are so fucked. I can't do this.

- Do what? - We're drowning here.

At least when he disappears, he usually answers his fucking phone.

I don't know what to tell these people.

Okay, just relax. We're gonna find him.

Have you seen Robert?

No.

- Oh, fuck. Fuck! - What?

- What is going on? - What? Who is it?

It's Skylar. Fuck me.

Okay, okay, all right. You have to answer the phone.

And say what?

- So you haven't seen Robert? - Shut up, Jeff. Answer the phone.

Hi, Skylar.

- Yes, uh-huh. - He isn't feeling well.

The assessment is done.

Robert isn't feeling well, but the assessment is done.

Final calculations give us a stipend of 1.2.

Our final calculations give us a stipend of 1. 2 million.

Uh-huh. Oh, what's that?

Oh, one second.

- What are you doing? - She's saying something about a contract for...

Contracts for?

- What contracts? What contracts? - I don't know! I don't know!

Bahamas.

- Something about Bahamas. - Oh, yeah.

She said she was going to the Bahamas. I love the Bahamas.

Okay, okay, the contracts. Go, go, go.

Shut up, Jeff. Okay, okay, go, go.

Robert has signed the contracts.

Robert has signed the contracts.

And our prediction is for eight months until we reach our goal for this year.

- Eight months until we reach our goal for this year. - Yes!

Okay, don't worry about a thing. I will let Robert know that you called.

You just have a great vacation in the Bahamas.

- Ooh, have so much fun! I love it out there. - Shut up, Jeff!

Okay, thanks. She already hung up, asshole.

Rude.

How'd you do that?

Do you guys ever pay attention to anything that's going on in here?

Yeah.

This is the only deal we've been talking about for two months.

- Yes. That was heroic. - Okay, never mind. Thank you, Jeff.

Best thing I've seen since sliced bread. Golf clap for you.

Okay, I'm gonna find Robert.

You thirsty? I'm thirsty.

- Margaritas? - Absolutely. Let's go.

Helen?

Yeah?

Do you have anything to share?

Uh, no.

No, not really.

- You sure? - Yeah, yeah. It's been kind of a slow week for me.

Thanks, everybody. Have a great weekend.

Hey, Helen, can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah.

- Yeah, what's up? - Is everything okay?

I don't know, you seem a little...

I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, everything's fine.

Well, it's just that I can't find... well, nobody can find Robert.

- Your boss? - Yeah.

I mean, he disappears all of the time, but

it's been a week, so.

Oh. I mean, have you thought about calling the police?

No, no. I'm sure he'll show up soon. Just...

you know.

I'll see you later.

You know, actually I have something to tell you.

Oh, no.

You look serious.

Well, it's... it's just, you know, you've been a little disconnected lately.

You've missed a few sessions.

Well, I mean, I've been working.

Of course, of course. But...

but Dr. Carol and I have decided to extend your therapy.

Look, I'm so sorry. I know that you were supposed to be done next week, but I...

Have a good weekend, Tori.

Wait. Helen.

- Hello? - Helen, it's me.

Tori? Why are you whispering?

'Cause I think I found Robert.

You did? Where?

Tori!

Okay, sorry. I was waiting. Somebody got really close.

I'm not supposed to be talking on the main line phone without it being an emergency,

- but then I thought... - Tori!

Okay, okay.

Oh, yeah, Robert. He's here at the hospital.

Wait, he's... he's at the hospital? Are you sure?

Yes, yeah. He was admitted last weekend.

Wait a minute, he's a patient?

- Oh, my God. Oh, you son of a bitch. - What are you doing here?

- Are you okay? - Why are you here?

What do you mean why am I here? Everybody's looking for you.

Well, I'm fine. I'm here.

And I think you should leave.

You don't look fine. Seriously, stop messing around. Everybody is freaking out.

Seriously, I didn't ask you to come.

Why are you acting like this?

Look, it's my room and I want you to leave.

Rob?

What is going on?

It's none of your fucking business, Helen.

So would you please fuckin' leave?

It's none of my business?

It's none of my business?

God, you selfish son of a bitch.

You realize that you could have lied, right?

You could have told everybody you were on vacation

but you just let everybody worry about you and you let me worry about you.

What the fuck is wrong with you, Rob?

Knock, knock. I just need to take a quick blood sample for a CD-4

and I will be out of your hair.

CD-4?

Like,

like white cells? Robert, do... do you have AIDS?

Rob? Look at me, look at me.

- Don't comfort me. Don't. - Do you have AIDS?

- Rob, do you have AIDS? - Look, Helen, you may not want the life you have-

Oh, come on. Fuck you, Rob. Don't say that.

I'm fighting for mine. I just want you to leave me the hell alone.

- Is there a problem? - There's no problem. Get out.

- I can call security. - She's leaving.

How could you not tell me?

- How could you not tell me? - She's leaving.

Ma'am, if you don't leave, I have to call security.

Rob, look at me.

Jesus Christ, I'm not your fucking dad, Helen.

- Get out. Get out. - Got it.

- Heard, got it. - Get the fuck out.

Thanks.

Okay, all right. Okay, okay, deep breaths for me. Deep breaths.

Deep breaths. There we go. There we go. There we go. All right, all right.

Get Dr. Carol in here now.

Okay. All right, okay. All right.

- Stop and get her in. - Okay, all right.

I warned you this would happen. I told you to leave her alone.

But I didn't. Okay?

Sorry, I don't want to live in isolation the rest of my fuckin' life, Diane.

Nobody's telling you to live in isolation, Robert.

You could have thought this thing through a little bit.

I didn't want her to see me like this.

I didn't want to scare her. I don't know, I just...

I guess I panicked and I didn't... what... How did she know I was here?

I don't know.

The only people who have access to medical records are employees and...

Oh, goddamn it.

What? What is it?

I didn't know it was a big deal.

You probably should have talked to me first.

I... I mean, they work together. They're friends. What's wrong?

"They're friends." What are you, ten? You broke the law, Tori.

But I mean, I thought, you know, Helen's been doing so much better

until the past couple weeks and it seemed like Robert was a big part of that.

Doing better?

See her scars?

Her scars? What... what are you talking about?

- She didn't tell you, did she? - Tell me what?

She's been cutting herself.

No, she didn't tell me that.

What? She's been cutting herself?

So you knew this

and you didn't say anything and essentially told her to fuck off.

Shit.

- What is going on? - I will tell you later.

It's fine, Diane.

I have AIDS and

Helen just found out.

Okay?

Oh... I'm...

I'm sorry.

Okay, all right. Listen, I'm gonna... I'm going to go to her house

and I'm going to send an ambulance, and you two do nothing.

- But I want to come with you. - Absolutely not.

Hi.

Hi.

What's going on here?

You okay?

Did you take anything?

No.

I flushed it.

- Good. - Yeah.

Good girl.

She's in here.

Okay, well, we're gonna get you up, all right?

I'm really tired.

I know you are.

Yes, you are. I got you.

Okay, come on. Good girl. Good girl.

Come on.

I appreciate your concern,

but look, if she doesn't wanna take the medication, then I'm in agreement.

Yes.

No, thank you. Bye.

I wanna see her.

I know you do.

I just think if I apologize, it would help.

And who exactly would that be helping?

Look, I know you feel guilty, but she's gotta get through this by herself.

Is she okay?

She's gonna get worse before she gets better.

Mom?

Mom.

I'm so sorry.

Mom.

- What are you doing here? - Oh, baby.

Mom?

- No! No! No! - Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

I'm trying to remember the first time I ever thought about killing myself.

I was young, maybe five or six.

And at first, it was just a harmless idea.

What if I wasn't here anymore?

By the time I hit puberty, it became like an infatuation.

like an imaginary friend that would comfort me when I was alone.

I knew they weren't normal feelings. but I also knew that I wasn't normal.

And find your center

and breathe.

- Yeah, I found my center. - Breathe.

Big deep breaths.

- And breathe. - I am breathing.

And find your center.

And breathe.

Oh, my God! I'm gonna fucking hyperventilate!

And breathe.

And breathe.

My new doctor thinks I have replaced my desires for suicide with self-harming,

which makes sense, I guess.

When I woke up in the hospital, it felt like my imaginary friend died,

and I didn't get to go with him.

And after that, cutting myself was the only thing that made me feel alive.

Ironic, huh?

Oh, yeah.

They've got porn.

- You wanna look with me? - No, thanks.

Whatever. I mean, they have boring stuff for boring people too.

You're really pretty.

Thanks.

Do you think I'm really pretty?

Sure.

What are you writing? A novel?

- No, it's... - You know I used to write novels?

I mean, I like, took this English class junior year of high school and...

I'm sorry. Could you just...?

I'm just trying to concentrate. If you could just...

- Shhh. - Yeah, yeah. Shhh.

Thanks. Thank you.

Is that what you're writing about? Feelings? I see the word "feelings."

- Okay, could you stop looking at this, please? - I'm sorry. I just-

I have a lot of feelings. Love, but I'm also feeling like

I don't know, like a little bit manic, but kind of like, happy but like, also like, really sad.

Like really sad because I miss my family.

Do you miss your family?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

But then again, I like, love it here. Like, it's like, the most amazing place.

Like, I own this place. Like, I am like,

- one with everyone here. Like, we're all just one. - Wait a minute,

- wait a minute. You love this place? - Yeah, I love it.

- Seriously? - Yeah, it's like a bunch of people like me. And it's like,

- I don't know, like... - You don't feel like, more crazy being here?

No, I feel like myself. Like I feel like I can express myself and like do what I wanna do.

That's fair.

All right, show me the porn.

I think this one's my favorite. I've seen this magazine like five times.

I'm learning all these new techniques to control my urges

but if I'm being honest with myself,

I don't think these feelings are just gonna go away.

Maybe that's not the point.

Figs are fascinating.

I bet you didn't know

that California produces a hundred percent of the nation's dried figs

and ninety-eight percent of the fresh ones.

California can't survive without figs, and that's a fact, and facts matter.

Mm-hmm.

And they're good for you, too. I mean, they're low in calories, high in vitamins.

And you know, what we think the fruit of the fig is, is actually a bunch of tiny flowers.

The real fruit is the seed.

Hi.

You're sexy.

I'm Ruby, like the jewel.

That's a beautiful name, Ruby.

Thanks.

So you know about figs, too?

Ruby, can I have a minute with the hot man, please?

Ugh. Fine. I guess.

I'm in room seventeen.

I'll be waiting.

Nice to meet you, Ruby.

Nice to meet you, too, sexy man.

I see you're making friends.

Yeah, we call her Crazy Ruby. She's, uh, interesting.

Yeah, I noticed.

Hi.

Hi.

First of all, I... I... I brought you something. It's called a Better Basket.

It's... well, patent pending. It's... it's all the things you need

to get better in any circumstance. There's tea and cookies.

Oh, and there's the little cactus, which is better than flowers

because you don't have to water it. Candles, they're flame-less.

And... and a couple chick flicks with happy endings.

And Tori said I should put in some pudding.

Thanks. This is really nice.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I meant to. That was...

That was my plan eventually and then you just showed up at the hospital and...

and I panicked.

Oh, that was panic. See, it kind of felt like a big "Fuck You".

Right, I know.

You came along at a pivotal time.

I met you the day I found out about my cell count.

You mean, like, the white cells and that you were...?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh.

You remember that day we were screaming on the balcony?

Yes.

The day I found out I was that much closer to death

was the same day I met this really special girl

that wanted to die so badly.

I thought I was helping you

but I was leaning on you.

You know, just generally you should probably try to lean on more stable people.

Is there anything else you wanna know about it?

Uh...

How?

When?

Is your wife real?

And does anybody at the office know?

Okay. How, blood transfusion.

When, 1999. I was in the Army.

Wife real.

But when I found out, I got pretty low.

She couldn't handle that. And I couldn't handle it.

I got in a real dark place for a few years there, and I just... I mean it...

I made it easy for her to leave is what I did.

What was the other question?

Oh, the office.

Does anybody at the office know?

No. No one at work knows.

Well, not that it's any of my business, but

- it kinda seems like... - Oopsie, I forgot my figs.

How you guys doin'?

- Good. - Good.

- Come in. - Hey, doc.

Hey, Helen.

Uh, I have a question.

Yes?

So I'm supposed to be released on Monday but my birthday is actually this Friday.

Well, if you want, I could redo your paperwork and let you go Thursday.

That way you can enjoy your birthday at home.

Well, actually, I was gonna ask if I could have my party here.

If that's okay? I... I was just thinking some friends, some cake. Nothing big.

Okay, if you're sure that's what you want.

- Yes. - Give me a list of your guests and I'll get 'em to security.

Okay, great. Thank you.

No problem.

Oh, would it be crazy to ask for decorations?

We don't exactly throw a lot of parties here. Sorry.

Right. That's okay. I'll think of something. Thank you.

Happy to help.

- Hey. - Happy birthday!

Aw, thank you. Hey, I told you not to bring presents.

- You weren't supposed to do that. - But it's your birthday.

- Hi. - Hi. Oh!

Oh, Robert, take it easy. You're not supposed to be walking.

I'm not walking. I'm standing.

- Hi. - Oh, hi.

Okay, all I have to do is finish my hair really quick, and then we go.

You look perfect.

- Oh, please. I look crazy. - What is this? A diary?

No, that is not a diary. That is a prescribed journal for my feelings.

Where do I come in? Hey, don't read that!

Those are her private thoughts.

Oh, hey. Speaking of my private thoughts, I've been doing a little thinking

and I have decided I wanna sell my grandma's house.

- Oh. - Wow.

- You should. It's cursed. - Whoa, are you sure?

It's definitely cursed, and I think I could take the money, get my own apartment,

- and then maybe travel. - Yeah. Ooh.

- Travel, really? - Yeah, I've never been anywhere.

Well, I'm in. Where are we going?

You know, I've always wanted to go to Madrid.

Whoa, you guys are not invited.

This is something I wanna do just me.

Well, wait. I want... I need a vacation too. I'm dying, remember?

Hey.

Okay, look. I will be here for the whole pre-dying thing.

This is just... this is for after.

All right, all right. No more saying the word "dying."

- This is a birthday party. We've gotta set it up. - Okay, she's right.

She's right, she's right. Let's go.

- In the chair. Come on. - Okay, all right. Hold on.

Okay, get in there. Whoa, whoa. Let Helen drive.

You make it feel like I'm on a damn rollercoaster all the time.

- I got it, I got it. - What's wrong with rollercoasters?

Yeah, they make me sick.

- All right! Come on, hands up! - Okay.

All right, all right, all right.

Whoo!

Oh, I got the presents!

Happy birthday, Helen.

Oh, I'm sorry. I think you have me mistaken for someone else. My name is Ms. Daniels.

You surprised me. It's been a long time since I've been surprised

but you surprised me and thank you.

Thank you for everything.

All right, have some snacks. Have some punch. I made it myself.

- Ooh. - Don't be scared.

- Hi! - Hey, guys. Thanks for coming.

We have never been to a mental hospital before.

- Oh, really? - Kind of expected it to be a little bit more depressing.

- Oh, my God. - No, it's not bad.

- Did they restrain you in those things? - No, no. They didn't.

Oh, oh, oh. Were you in one of those padded rooms?

- Oh, my God! - I don't even think that they have those.

- Oh, my God! - No, no, guys, I'm really okay.

- Hey, Helen, could you help me with some of the balloons? - Yes. Yes, I can.

He can blow 'em up on his own. He's fine.

No, no. He really can't with his lung capacity.

Oh, no. He... he was just talking like, off the rope-

Oh, look. A cute nurse! What? Where?

- Run! - No!

I don't see no one there.

Got you, bitch.

Let's go find a hot doctor.

You are welcome.

- Was it my idea to invite them? - Oh, yeah.

God.

So I was thinking, before you go I want you to train as a junior executive.

When you're done training, you can take a vacation, see the world, whatever.

No, no. Rob, you don't have to do this.

Lisa told me about the phone call with Skylar. You are gonna be great.

Thank you.

I spiked the punch.

Oh, God.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Helen ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- Yeah! - Yay!

♪ How old are you now ♪

Oh, don't do that.

Got the last box.

Okay, just put it in the trunk. I'll be right there.

Copy that.

- "Rob's Fun-eral." - I like that.

Do you want like a theme or something? Like, circus or Mardi Gras?

I want it Irish style.

You're not Irish.

So? It's my funeral, isn't it?

- Yep. - I want shots for everyone.

Okay, so cremation and then reception.

- Is that what they call it? - I don't know.

You know what I mean. Like cremation and then party for everybody. Lots of shots,

and then what? Like Celtic music?

Oh, no, no, no, girl. Hell no. Mm-mm.

I want classic rock.

Okay.

And whiskey.

Better be a good one.

It will.

Anything else?

Yeah, is this weird for you?

Yeah. Well, no, not... not weird. Just...

I'm really gonna miss you, you know?

But I wanna be here and I will be here until you...

Until I kick the bucket.

God, please stop saying "kick the bucket." You are not ninety.

Okay. Till I

pass away.

Oh, that's worse.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

- Hey, hey. What can I do? - I'm okay. I'm good. I'm okay.

I need a joint.

You smoke too much.

It helps with the pain and the nausea and the panic attacks.

And shit, plus it's fun.

Okay. Then we smoke.

Hey, gown girl.

Hey, Rob.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Okay. Um, I'm gonna get you that joint, as promised.

Please.

♪ Lost in the dead of night ♪

♪ Trying to make it home ♪

♪ Runnin' way too fast ♪

♪ This life is short So you better make it last ♪

♪ Roll roll roll away ♪

Helen!

Wait, wait.

- You're really not gonna stay? - What for? Is he comin' back?

No, just...

- You sure you're gonna be okay? - Yeah.

I'm good.

My flight leaves in three hours. I gotta make one quick stop first and then I am out of here.

I'll miss you so much.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

- I love you. You know that? - I love you.

All right, okay. Don't make me cry. Come on.

Okay.

- Bye. - Bye, Tori.

Journey on.

- Hey, don't forget to call! - I won't.