All language subtitles for Lucky stiff USAC

Good evening, Bert. Good evening, ma
'am.

Good evening, Bert. Good evening.

Charles, I'll never figure you out.

Why do you insist on going to Cannes
this time of year?

Stop out.

I mean, really, Acapulco is where it's
at.

The nerve of that guy offering me $500
,000. I told him to shove it up his ass.

Who needs his money?

Hey, asshole, where the fuck you been?

I've been looking all over for you.
Where the fuck you think I've been, man?

worked for a living.

What a big deal. So is everybody.

Yo, what's up?

What's up?

Man, you know, you really are an
asshole. The game's tonight. Man, look.

the tickets.

Shit, man. I can't go. I have to do my
taxes.

Fuck your taxes, man. You can do them
anytime.

There's only one game and it's tonight.

I'm telling you, I can't go, man. My
extension's up and they're going to find

the shit out of me. And besides, it's
the only night that Sue's free.

Sue's doing your taxes?

Ha, ha, ha. I bet.

Sounds more like a fuck date to me.

Hey, fuck you, man. I'll see you later.
Hey, man, what am I supposed to do with

the tickets?

I don't know. Why don't you take the old
lady?

The old lady? Are you kidding?

Hello, sweet bunny.

Take it off, bunny.

Them tits.

Lord help us. I'd like to gobble them
doobers.

Squishy squashy, squishy squashy.

Lord help us, honey, I'd pay a $50 phone
bill just to listen to you piss in a

bucket.

You stay right there, sweet thing. I'll
be right back.

Oh, my goodness.

Sucking and fucking and sucking and
fucking.

Utterly no.

By damn. Now, that's what I call putting
a lip lock on a love muscle.

Hold on, Jack. I hope you don't get
lockjaw.

Oh, my God, lady, don't hit him.

Don't hit him that... Damn.

Well, hit her back, Jack.

Goddamn, stick your fingers up her nose
holes.

Don't let go of her.

Look out, man. That's a frying pan.

Oh, my God.

Shit, I better go back to Sweet Thang.

Sweet Thang, what you doing?

God, that's a zucchini.

What you looking at?

I'm checking weather conditions,
asshole.

How'd you find me up here? Your wife
told me. Say, Dick, I got an extra

for tonight's game.

Wanna come along?

How did you get tickets to the ballgame
if things been sold out for two weeks?

My W -I -F -E would kill me if I went to
that game.

But she'd only kill me once, didn't she?
I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll buy

both them tickets for you.

Are you nuts? No, no, no, no, no. I'll
give you $50 for both tickets.

No way. No way. All right, all right,
all right. I'll give you $75 plus a free

pass to the Copernicus Health Spa.

Health spa?

Yeah, yeah, you can get a free massage.
That alone's worth $25.

Why don't you use it?

Joe, I'm a happily married man. I don't
need to fool around.

Well, so am I, and I do. You got
yourself a deal. All right.

Now, back to Sin City.

Oh, shit, they're getting dressed.

Oh, double shit, the cops.

Well, let's see what Sweet Thing's
doing.

Oh, my God, sweet thing. You look like
the Jolly Green Giant threw up all over

you. Oh, that's gross.

It's nice, but it's gross.

Hi, Mr. Baker. I'm Karen.

I'm your masseuse for this session.

I see you have one free gift massage
ticket. How nice.

Before we start, would you like to order
some fruit and wine?

Um, I guess.

All righty.

One fruit and wine coming up.

That will be an additional $15.

And now, Mr. Baker, if you would like to
lie down for us.

I'm going to rub in some of this
wonderful exotic oil from the Far East

it on your chest and rub your muscles so
that you become nice and relaxed.

Let's see, we'll put a lot of this on
you because you're such a big man.

Nice skin tone, Mr. Baker.

Oh, yes.

Just enjoy and relax.

This is going to make you tingle and
forget everything. Just

float away.

Just relax those nerves and those
muscles. All those everyday tensions are

going to fly away.

And this is a whole other world for you,
Mr. Baker.

Oh yes, we're going to make you feel so
good.

Yes, that feels good.

Hello, Mr. Baker.

I am your hostess, Samantha.

May I offer you some wine to quench your
thirst?

Is that enough?

Oh, yes.

Just lie back and relax.

Can I offer you an apple?

No, thank you.

Perhaps a grape?

Mm -hmm.

Now we're going to get your legs, Mr.
Baker.

These beautiful, fairy legs.

Isn't this fruit delicious, Mr. Baker?

Then you get your feet in here and
massage them so that they relax your

body. Your toes.

All that weight on those poor feet all
day long.

Just relax.

Yes, that's it.

Nice, strong, muscular legs you have,
Mr. Baker.

You know, Mr. Baker, for a slight extra
charge, we can offer you our bear

special.

Bear special?

Yes. We make ourselves... How do you
say?

Comfortable?

Why not?

All right, Mr.

Baker.

That will be an additional $15.

While we're at it, maybe you would like
our dual bear massage.

Why not?

All right.

That will be $30.

Oh, Mr.

Baker, we expect this will double your
pleasure.

Oh, Mr. Baker, you're about to have the
greatest dual bear massage.

This is really...

What we call grade A class.

I hope you like what you see.

Doesn't it feel better with four hands?

Wonderful client we have today, isn't
he?

Yes.

He's getting relaxed, aren't you, Mr.
Baker?

Mr. Baker, can we interest you in a dual
breast massage?

You mean... Oh, yeah, sounds great.

All right, Mr. Baker.

One dual breast massage coming right up
for just an additional $20.

Let's do it.

Oh.

Rub -a -dub -dub, Mr. Baker.

Like little nipples rubbing up against
you?

Of course, the harder the

nipple, the more you feel the massage.

Isn't that right, Sam?

Yes. Isn't that right, Mr. Baker?

Feel good?

Nice little titty massage, huh?

I think he likes it, Sam.

Oh, yes. Let me just jiggle in on him.

Feel good, Mr. Baker?

How does it feel so far, Mr. Baker?

Oh, fantastic.

Well, if it feels so good this far,
perhaps we can interest you in our

body massage?

Oh, okay.

All right.

Just an additional $30, Mr. Baker.

Now.

We're going to put the oil where it
really feels good.

This might tickle for a moment.

Oh,

honey,

excuse my appearance.

But it was so hot, I just had to take a
shower.

I hate that sticky feeling, you know?

Ain't you going to give me a little
kiss?

Look, sir, I just want to do my taxes,
okay?

Well, a little kiss won't hurt.

What's the matter?

What kind of kiss is that? You don't
like me anymore? What's wrong with you?

it's not that. I'm just not in the mood.

Well, I'm in the mood.

You just lay down and make yourself...
comfortable in that suit all the work.

I really appreciate it, but I just don't
feel that good.

Well, I'll make you feel better.

Bird,

it looks like you're starting to feel
better.

We begin by rubbing you slowly and then
work up into a more vigorous

massage.

Yes, but we never start vigorous right
away. You wouldn't want to shock.

Yourself.

Oh, I think Mr.

Baker is enjoying our body massage.

How does that oil feel, Mr. Baker?

Yes, just relax, Mr.

Baker. This will take all your tension
away.

Yes. Is it good, Mr. Baker?

Is it good?

Mr.

Baker, do you think perhaps we could
interest you in our dual

oral massage?

Yes.

All right, Mr. Baker.

That would be an additional $20.

Let us work on you, Mr. Baker.

Oh, Mr.

Baker, look at her run her tongue along
your shaft.

Oh, you are just bursting.

Oh, suck on it just one little bit.

What a huge cup.

I can't fit that rim in my mouth. It's
so dry. Put it down your throat.

The second is getting hard.

I can feel like it's going to come off.

Let me put your balls in my mouth, Mr.
Baker.

I tickle them with my tongue.

Oh, yes. Tickle his balls. Want to lick
the shaft of his balls. Oh, give me some

of that.

Oh, she's so selfish.

You don't know how long I've been
waiting for this, Mr. Baker.

Oh, take one lick.

That's enough.

I want more.

Together. Let's lick it together.

Mr.

Baker, since you are one of our more
special customers, we are at

liberty to offer you at a special
discount rate our all

-the -way massage.

All the way?

All the way.

That's right, Mr.

Baker. For a limited time only, an all
-the -way massage for $49 .95.

Anything you say.

One all -the -way massage coming up.

You are in for a treat.

Oh, yes, Mr. Baker.

That is the way.

Okay, girls.

Get up.

Turn around. Oh, Mr.

Baker.

Oh,

my goodness.

Let me see what you've got here.

Oh, yes.

Nice pussy.

What do we have here?

Ooh,

nice and juicy.

Oh, yes.

Okay, girls.

You want to get fucked first?

Me first. Me first. No, me.

Oh,

she's so lucky.

Oh, Mr.

Baker.

Mr. Baker.

Oh, Sam, you should feel this.

I'm next, Mr. Baker. Oh, yes, do all the
way in.

Deep inside me.

Get behind me and look my best.

Oh, Mr. Baker.

This is the best thing that's happened
to me all day.

Oh, yes.

Put it in Sam.

Oh, do you feel it deep inside?

Mr.

Baker, that feels so good.

A very good all -the -way massage.

I think we're getting the better end of
the deal.

Oh, Mr.

Baker, I want some more.

Let us use it to stop being so selfish.

Oh, Mr.

Baker, right this way.

Let me put it in.

Okay.

Oh, yes, I'm dying for it again. Wait.

Oh, yes, put it in, Mr. Baker.

There we go.

Oh, it's all the way in.

Oh, it's so deep.

Massage your breasts from behind.

Oh,

yes.

Ram it in.

So good.

This is the best thing that's happened
to me all day.

I'm going to come all over your face.

There it is. Wait.

Wait.

What are you doing down there?

I've got a bird's eye view.

Oh, Mr.

Baker, it's so good.

It's so good. I think I'm going to cum.

I'm going to cum all over you.

Huh?

Now then, let's just review the session.

Fruit and wine, $15.

Dual bear massage, $30.

Dual breast massage, $20.

Entire body massage, $30.

Dual oral massage, $20.

All the way massage, $49 .95.

Plus 8 % sale tax.

Your free massage has cost you a total
of $178 .15.

Isn't that wonderful?

Bert, you sure know how

to screw up a checkbook. You haven't
even entered your monthly deposit.

Before I know much, I got in there.

Bullshit. Did you bring the bank
statements with you?

Bert, where the hell did you get $300
,000?

What do you mean?

Don't play Mr. Innocence with me.

It says right here you deposited $300
,000 in July.

Oh, that's $300 ,000.

Man, I almost dropped my cookie. She
said to me, where'd you get $300 ,000

I'm telling you, those banks are
assholes, man. Only put in $300 ,000.

I don't get it. I do, man. It's called a
computer fuck -up. It happens all the

time. Too many zeros.

In your case, instead of two zeros, the
computer punched in five.

That's all there is to it.

Simple as that, huh? Now what do I do?
Like everybody else. Like that couple

in California.

The computer in their bank punched in a
million dollars.

So they took out the money and ran like
hell. That's just what you gotta do.

You mean I can just take the money out?

Sure, man, but you gotta do it fast
before the bank catches on, you dumb

Whatever happened to that couple in
California?

They're in jail now.

Jail? Fuck that shit, man. I ain't
touching that money.

Got you, man. They were stupid.

You gotta be smart.

What you gotta do is transfer the money
into a Swiss bank.

And then you gotta get your ass out of
this country and stay out.

I can't do that, man. I can't leave my
job and friends and my apartment.

Can you believe this guy?

Listen, Bert, with all that money, you
don't need a fucking job. And friends,

you can buy new ones.

As far as that rat trap goes, you call
an apartment.

Man, you can have an Italian villa, a
mansion, anything you want.

Use your goddamn head.

Okay. Okay, I'll do it.

I'll do it.

But where am I going to find a Swiss
bank?

Excuse me a minute, Bert.

What may we do for you?

Well, um... I'm Bert Taylor.

Yeah?

Well, I'm Bert Taylor.

Yeah, I know.

I'd like to open an account with your
bank.

In Switzerland, that is.

Yeah?

Well, I'd like to know how I go about
it. About what?

About... Opening an account with your
bank.

Simply. You give me money, I deposit it
for you, and then transfer it. How much

do you wish to deposit?

Well, I don't have any money on me.

No money?

No, not exactly. I have it in my
checking account, and I'd like to

here. How much money do you have?

$300 ,000. How much? $300 ,000.

You will give me your checkbook, please.

Thank you.

Hello, Jim. This is Al at Swiss Bank.

I have a client here who wishes to make
a transfer to our bank.

Can you verify his account, please?

His account number is 2838843.

Here. Yeah, he claims to have a balance
of $300 ,000.

Yeah, I'll hold.

That will be fine.

Oh, yeah, Jim.

Oh, I see.

Uh -huh.

Well, thank you very much.

Well... Well, well, Mr.

Taylor.

Would you like to transfer all $300 ,000
to Switzerland, yeah?

Entree.

Monsieur, you have all of the grand
specialty of the hotel?

Oui, yes.

Ah, we have champignon with a touch of
garlic.

Duh, they have.

Vichyssois.

Not bad. A little cold.

Get it up with something.

Trois, we have escargot à la Baudelaire.

Snails. And for the supreme specialty,
we have

pâté.

Goose liver. And for the grand finale,
we have champagne and...

Caviar. Caviar?

Fish egg.

Hey, listen.

What's the chance of getting a nice,
thick sirloin steak somewhere in this

joint, huh?

Monsieur, you are in Paris.

You are not in Hoboken.

However... Is there anything else that
you would like, sir?

No, I think that's it. Are you sure?
There are some very nice things which I

provide you with.

What are you talking about?

Monsieur, what you have here is a
beautiful banquet.

What you need is a woman to share it
with.

Oh, you mean a hooker.

How do you say a hooker? Oui, hooker.
Well, how much is it going to cost me?

Well, the mademoiselle alone will cost
you American dollars, $50. $50.

From menage a trois, $75.

What the hell? I'll shoot the works.
Give me the $75 job.

Et je suis un autre attractive,
monsieur.

Oui, oui.

Seventy -five dollars, huh?

What's a menage a trois?

A threesome.

Threesome? Un, deux, trois.

Fucky, fucky?

Hey, hey, hey, none of that gay shit for
me. No, no, no, no, no. Oui, and

mademoiselle. Ah.

Monsieur, how do you say in American,
kinky?

Would you like to do kinky?

What do you mean, kinky?

S and M.

Hey, what do you think I am, one of them
pervert types? No, no, no, not real S

and M. Make believe. You see, it's one
of mademoiselle's specialty.

You will not be hurt, and you will enjoy
it.

Oh, please, monsieur.

Please.

Okay, I'll try it.

Lie down.

Hey, what's the robe for?

Do not worry, monsieur.

The madam likes to tie her men down so
she can give them better pleasure.

Just for a little while.

Thank you.

Go get dressed.

What do you mean? You didn't get me off
yet. I know.

Can I get dressed?

Monsieur, it is impossible.

What do you mean? You're just going to
leave me here?

As you say in the Medica, monsieur, you
have been...

We can talk.

Oh, no.

be any help.

Nobody's been here for a hundred years.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Hello?

Anybody home?

Do you speak English?

You don't speak English.

Just a thing right here.

Let me tell you what's going on.

Ick, heb, motor, pesh, magick, here,
even op -bellin, huh?

What's that?

No, no, no, no, no. No.

Ick, here, even op -bellin.

How you doing?

Oh, God.

I don't believe it.

I'm gonna fuck the farmer's daughter.

There's no rape, really. I swear.

You call the police, do anything you
want.

It's fine.

Wait a minute.

I got it. Here you go. Here you go. Key
to your heart.

Here's 20 bucks. Get some chicken feed,
you know.

Okay.

I know what you need here.

Your roof's leaking a little bit. Fix
the barn up, okay?

No problem. It's on me.

More?

Okay, here you go.

This is the biggie. Now, if this doesn't
put a smile on your face, I don't know

what will.

Hey, look, that's all I got.

Take it, okay?

That's it. Come on, give me a break,
huh?

That's all I have.

Okay?

All right, thanks a lot.

Really nice meeting you. See you again
sometime, huh?

Stupid American.

I'll blow on it.

Welcome, Senor Ponte. Senor Ponte?

You've got a mistake. I'm an American.
I'm an American.

Who you guys want?

In America, you say ransom.

Ransom? Yes.

We've decided that you do not look like
Senor Ponte. Therefore, you must not be

Senor Ponte.

That's what I've been trying to tell you
all along.

We're sorry for this mistake.

Okay, I accept your apology. Now you let
me go?

No, this is impossible.

If I later knew we make mistakes...
Therefore, you must give us the money

we demand.

$87 ,023?

You've got to be kidding.

For what? For your life.

Man, I've heard of tourist traps before,
but this takes the cake. I'm not going

to pay it. That settles it. Then we'll
just have to shoot you.

But come on, take it easy, will you,
huh?

Maria, Maria.

We've decided before we shoot you that
as you Americans say, we're going to

your brains out.

Oh, you don't say.

Shut up.

This place is surrounded.

Take off your clothes.

Take them off. Come on, take them off.

Come on, get that shirt off.

Stick those pants off. We don't have all
day here. Come on.

Come here.

They make them really good in America.

Come here. Look at this.

You want this dick so much you don't
want to shoot him already?

Why don't you lick that cock, huh?

Lick that cock.

Oh, yeah.

You like the way she licks your cock?

I've got to go.

I've got to go like this.

Shut up.

Oh, yes, suck that cock.

Suck that hard cock.

Suck it good.

Let me see your cock.

Fill his balls up. Let's make him your
cock.

Suck those balls.

Take this cock in your mouth.

Look at those nice tits.

I think it's too white.

It should have red marks on it.

Turn around. Show me your ass. Show me
that beautiful ass.

I like that ass. I just like that
fucking ass.

Why don't you lick that ass?

Come on, lick it, baby.

I said lick that ass.

Oh, yes.

Oh, lick it.

Oh, that's nice.

Put it there. Put it there.

Put it there.

Look at her pussy.

Look at her pussy.

Too bad we have to shoot such a good
fuck.

Let's not say we did, huh?

Okay, okay, I'll pay you $87 ,023.

You've got to be the most expensive
piece of ass in history.

By the way, what's the $23 for?

Traveling expenses.

Pens. Your husband no pens.

I take that as a compliment.

No one has ever called me a hustler
before.

Flavia, suppose.

I will be very honest with you.

When I find a man who is very attractive
to me, I am never worried about that.

I think you are a very attractive man.

Oh, it would be an honor if you would
make love to me.

I don't know about that.

Oh, I'll make it worth your while.

How old are you? Fifty American dollars.

Fifty dollars?

Oh, I'm sorry. I did not mean to offend
you. Would a hundred be suitable?

Hundred dollars?

My final offer, two hundred dollars.

There.

Okay.

Your place and mine.

Well, I'm sorry. This will only take a
moment. It's business.

Please,

Herr Hoffman, speak English.

We don't want to be rude to our guest.

But, Teller, I would like you to meet
Herr Hoffman, Secretary of the Treasury.

Pleased to meet you. Please, sit down.

Fraulein, once again, I must apologize
for this intrusion, but I have some very

valuable information for you.

May I?

It's quite all right, Herr Hoffman.

We're very close friends.

I have inside information from the
Treasury. Tomorrow, when the market

the banks are going to increase the
price of gold.

By how much? That's what's so shocking.
By 40%. 40 %?

That means if I buy gold today, I will
make a 40 % profit by tomorrow?

That's correct, Fraulein. But you must
buy as much as possible now, and you

sell tomorrow.

Gertrand, bring me my nabixen.

And how much gold can you arrange for me
to buy today?

I can arrange for immediate transactions
of 500 ,000 marks.

Let me see. That is about $250 ,000
American dollars.

That's correct, Fraulein.

Then you must buy me $150 ,000 worth of
gold.

Excuse me. Would it be possible for
someone else to get in on this deal?

I'm sorry. I cannot do that. As it is,
I'm taking a terrible risk taking

Fraulein Schmidt's money.

If I get caught, I go to jail.

Well, couldn't I give the money to
Fraulein and...

Have her buy it for me?

Fraulein Schmidt, you know the risks I'm
taking. Herr Hoffman, just pretend it's

from me.

Very well.

Here's my $150 ,000.

Excuse me, do you take traveler's
checks?

Herr Hoffman? If you have them now, I
think I can still make it to the bank

before it closes.

How much do you wish to buy?

God, I can't miss this opportunity.

Could I go in on $100 ,000 worth?

And these are already signed.

Very well. Now, how do we go about
arranging this sale?

Both of you must meet me at noon at the
Bank of Germany.

Now, excuse me for being rude, but I
must make it to the bank.

Auf Wiedersehen, Herr Hoffman. Auf
Wiedersehen.

Good day, sir. Good day.

Here's to love and money.

you

Going to Zurich?

Near there.

Oh, you're an American. Thank God.

It's no big deal.

Well, what part of the state are you
from? New York City. New York City?

Wow, me too. I don't believe it.

Look, I hate to break your bubble, but
there's nearly half a million New

living in Europe.

Why don't you go back?

Well, I can't.

I'm not allowed.

Did you kill somebody?

No.

Not bad. It's a long story.

Well, honey, it's a long ride.

Well, it all started when I deposited
$300 in the bank.

Man, I must have been waiting under that
clock for at least three hours.

I've got to be a real fucking asshole.

You have it. You're a cute asshole.

So what are you going to do now?

I guess I'll have to get my ass back to
Zurich, take out the rest of my money,

my big $300, and then I don't know.

I guess I'll have to get a job here,
but... Well, what's your story anyway,

Corrine? I've been spilling my guts out
to you the last couple hours.

Well... Well, let's just say I came into
some money and I'm here to play.

Yeah? How much money?

Enough.

Look, I've got a proposition for you.

You need a job, I need a driver.

Doesn't pay much, but it'll keep you off
the street.

Sounds good to me.

I wonder where it's going.

How about now?

Quick, step on it.

What did you do, Robert? You did it
again. Did what again?

They made an error. I was throwing out
my $300, and they gave me $300 ,000

instead. All right. All right, go.