All language subtitles for Being Human UK S05E03 Pie And Prejudice 720p BluRay H265 BONE

If you ever impress me next, you'll be
named employee of the month.

My job's to see if any of you thought
you ought to better me some, broaden me

ours, and this was going to be it.

You need to freshen up, my love.

Why don't you go take a dip in the sea?

My name is Dominic Rook.

My job is to maintain the illusion that
man is alone.

Your department is to be dissolved.

It's responsibility's hand to the
special branch.

Then God help us all.

Still feeling the benefits of that
lovely little ridge of high pressure.

oh, do my eyes deceive me. Sunshine.

37 degrees.

I'll take it.

Time to dust off that bikini and hit the
beach. And Larry Chrysler will see you

there.

And we're out.

Sorry, what the galloping balls was
that?

I'm not stupid.

I know exactly what's going on here.

You only have so many...

Poor performances before it starts to
look a lot like sabotage. It was fine,

Larry. No, Trevor. That was a shamble.

The only thing that saved that sorry
sack of shit was my bikini line.

The line I said, not... Look, I'm
watching.

Don't you worry.

I'm watching.

Is that the point? No, love.

That is very much the point.

Nicholas Cage does not use that
particular model of jacuzzi.

Yes.

He may use your brand of jacuzzi, but
that's not an after -dinner anecdote I

use. I bought your product for one
purpose and one purpose only, to point

and say that is the exact jacuzzi owned
by Hollywood film star Nicolas Cage.

Look, love, no offence, but is there a
man there I can talk to?

Hang on, hang on.

I've been here just as long as you. I
don't know why they made you manager and

not me.

Acting manager.

I have no idea.

Tom, I wasn't privy to the
deliberations. Yeah, that's because you

you don't even mean the box.

It's just a title, Tom. It doesn't
change a thing.

Will you please stop that? It's
unsanitary.

I know.

What happened to that Patsy bird anyway?
Did she just walk out? She was always

rather highly strung, Kelly. The
pressure got too much for her.

But I'm sure she'll be back soon and we
can return to our original roles and

responsibilities. Yeah, but until then,
it's going to be all... Tom, can you

help out at the reception?

Tom, Mr Smith left a key in her room.
Can you let her in?

You do know those are your actual jobs
anyway? Because I won't put up with it,

Al.

I'm just started with the full moon
tonight, so I'm having the night off.

I'm just going to walk out, go home.

And what are you going to do about it,
eh?

You can't.

Unbelievable. No, I mean, I knew that.
That's why I scheduled you the night

Did you hear that then? Did you hear it?

And so it begins.

Tethys 1 -2.

Tethys 1 -2.

A little bit basic, but we can live with
it.

So, what are the lighting choices?

What have we got to play with?

Me.

On. OK.

And off.

OK. Let's go with on.

The hotel door closed behind me.

Didn't have a key.

Locked out in the corridors of the
Dorchester, London.

Not quite full, Monty.

Calm down, ladies.

Still had on my dressing gown over a
pair of pants. But it took me 25 minutes

get another key.

There he is.

I'm reminded of the time I met my
wonderful wife, winner of Miss Avon and

Somerset, 1992 -94.

All the same person. Don't worry, I'm
not a...

Mormon.

Double the nagging. Who needs it?

We met at a wild party after children in
need.

When we met, there were certainly sparks
because I reversed my BMW 6 Series into

a Renault Clio.

Our bumpers kissed and then our mouths
kissed.

That was great.

I spotted you as soon as you walked in.
Did you spot me?

I can't say I did, but I can certainly
see you now.

Where to change?

In the dressing room.

Sorry, I'm a little bit busy right now.

That's a lovely jacket.

My name's Tom. My name's Larry. I've
seen it many times.

Well done.

So what do you want?

Money, a date, an autograph, or what?
I'll have the last one if it's OK.

And there it is.

Who do I make it out to?

Tom McNair. M, small C, big N, and then
L, R, S.

Here you go.

Oh, one night.

Get them. Break on eBay.

Does that check?

I always check.

I think it's greatly famous.

I didn't know it could be famous.

I can't get over it.

A response from the Secretary of State.

Placing value uppermost does exactly
what it says on the tin.

This isn't about cuts. This is about
identifying those departments that

aren't pulling their weight and
reallocating those departments within

service.

Al's got a girlfriend.

I have not got a girlfriend.

He's visiting a girl.

And judging from that get -up, she's got
a very good sense of humour.

Lady Mary is simply an acquaintance.

Nothing more.

Wow. An acquaintance with a Lady Mary.

There's prisons lying, surely?

No, hang around with fangs, Alf. Them's
rules.

Please don't call us that.

Lady Mary is not a vampire. She is a
ghost who died some years ago.

Wait a minute.

You know a ghost?

Another female ghost than what you
didn't tell me? Because I knew there was

point. You really wouldn't get on.

Well, I think that's for me and my new
best mate Mary to decide, don't you?

Absolutely not.

Lady Mary is a shy, fragile creature.

With an innocence I am determined to
protect.

You think I would corrupt her? I think
you'd corrupt Keith Richards, sir, if

don't mind.

Told you.

Girlfriend.

Which is a pleasure to receive you as
always, Lord Harry.

Since your last visit, we have gained
several invigorating new exhibits,

including an enchanting collection of
pottery from the colony.

Wonderful. I shall look forward to
perusing them in due course.

This is fair.

Set you right up.

Alex, how's it going?

You decided I was staying at home, but I
decided to go with you.

Oh, come on, Hal. Stop being all Hal
about this.

I've got no one to talk to but ghost
stuff.

I swear.

Lady Mary, allow me to introduce Alex, a
new ghost of my

acquaintance.

I see.

And I take it you two are, um... I'm not
sure what the modern parlance is.

What?

Shagging? Oh, God, no. Nothing of the
sort.

I assure you, friends.

And nothing more. In fact, we share our
abode.

That is one crazy big dress, isn't it?

Still, I suppose it saves you shaving
your legs, right?

Have you got any guillotines or stuff?

Is there a dungeon in here?

Oh, my God, that place is so cool.

Lady Mary, I offer my sincerest
apologies.

Not at all. No, she has a boisterous
charm that has awoken the teacher in me.

I almost wish my finishing school were
still open. But I fear she is beyond the

help of even your prodigious talents.

Then I accept your wager.

My what? The carving really is quite
exquisite.

In addition, we have gained a new ivory
comb and a Moroccan footstool. No,

seriously, what? Mistress Alex, I feel
we have so much to learn from one

another, though we have hardly
conversed. Yes, I do. And as it seems

Harry has other urgent business to
attend to, it appears we shall have that

chance. What?

Yes.

I have business.

Urgent.

Business.

To go and do.

It is my fervent hope that you will both
become better acquainted. A sentiment I

echo.

Lord Harry.

Lady Mary.

God.

Haunting a stately home.

That must be brilliant.

I mean, sorry, not shit.

Bums?

You all right?

Yes, I am curious. Lord Harry, has he...
Oh, yeah, yeah, he's gone.

Oh, thank fuck for that.

What? God, it's such hard work keeping
it up, you know?

All that... The and now, bullocks.

He cares for my tits. You're not...
You're not posh.

Oh,

let's get out of here.

This place bored me to frigging tears,
even when I was alive.

But now I have a playmate.

Come on, let's go.

Have some fun.

Mr. Kreisler, I missed the fried
breakfast, so technically I'm just

what's due to me.

I was under the impression that you were
leaving us today.

However... I wonder where you got that
idea from. My management company

specifically stated that there was one
week's full stay included in the rider.

Well, whoever's error it is, it's very
unfortunate.

Going out tonight, Mr Chrysler?

Maybe.

Be sure to vacate your room by tomorrow
morning.

Well, that's fine.

It'll be good to get back on the road.
The mile's on the clock.

Hotel living can be a little bit
stoneless.

Know what I mean?

Off we go.

So you put it all on just for Hal?

It wasn't always an act.

When he first started visiting me, it
actually was that curtain awkward.

So, you and Hal, what's the deal?

I told you we're just mates.

I mean, we kind of had a date once,
but...

It didn't go too well.

I ladded my tights on the way there,
then I had to run back and get changed,

then I got killed by a vampire.

Shit, that's bad.

So, you kind of had a thing, you got
killed, and now you and Hal live

Yeah.

Oh, fuck off.

Kind of had a thing.

Mate, what is he like?

Okay, so, apparently, she is secretly
shagging him, but he's the boyfriend of

her. You can read their minds?

Isn't that a bit like reading someone's
diary?

It's brilliant, isn't it?

So it's fair to say that you've changed
over the years?

Isn't everyone?

I mean, I read.

I watch TV, I keep up with the world, it
just looks a bit bloody weird because

I'm dressed like a cake decoration.

She knows.

And she's one Bacardi breather away from
twatting her.

It's Ryan.

What? It's you again.

All right.

You have to go and drag your chicken
round in the circle.

Excuse me?

I've got to tell her.

Autumn.

Well, she's baking it, and he's thinking
about his ex, but he's almost there.

Come on, you're going to miss it. He's
not exactly a long -distance runner.

Yeah, you know what? I think I'm just
going to pass.

I think you don't.

Yeah, the cellar.

You're very pleased with your cellar,
aren't you?

Look at this state we are.

No offence, but I know the signs.

Work up in the woods, then, yeah?

Yeah, bit of a crazy night last night,
actually.

Some of the people from the go dragged
me out to a club and had an absolute

carnage. Had about four pints, then a
casino, fell in with a stag do, and nice

lad, but I lost a bet, so here we are.

I think I can hear my pager.

It's all right, you know.

What do you mean?

I'm a werewolf too.

I suppose it's understandable.

If you've never met any other
werewolves, how would you know how to

Us.

I can't stop thinking about your talk.

All the things that you've done and
bought.

I was just wondering if you had any,
like, you know, like, pointers for me.

I'm a werewolf too, but I've never lived
anywhere posh like you.

I live in a house now, but...

I ain't got it all to myself. I have to
share it with a couple of friends.

I used to live in a van in the woods
with my dad.

Move a bar, keep a low profile, and I'd
just live off the land, really.

What did you say?

I used to live in a van in the woods
with my dad. Before that?

Erm, I'm a werewolf, but I've never
lived anywhere posh like you. After

you said something about living in a
house with people.

Yeah. Do they know what you are?

Yeah, totally.

And they don't mind?

Well, they've got their own things going
on.

So, you want to know about the secret of
my success?

Yeah.

Half of me thinks it's impossible.

Half of me thinks it would be selfish
not to pass on my wisdom.

And yet, the other half just wants to
throw caution to the wind.

That's very hard.

Oh, you're good.

Real good.

So, this house of yours, how big is it
exactly?

We need to talk about Mary.

I did say you'd find her a little dull.
Dull's not the word that I would use.

Crazy, sordid, batshit shocking is more
the flavour.

I'm sorry, is this some new youth slang
for boring? I do find it a bit bad. Mary

is not who you think she is, Hal.

The whole posh totty thing, it's just an
act.

Why on earth would she do that?

I don't know and I don't care, but what
I'm worried about is the fact that she's

been stuck here for 200 years and it's
turned her into a total frothing loon.

Is that what's going to happen to me?

Look, even if you don't pass over for a
while,

I'm sure you'd cope with it admirably.
You and Mary are completely different

people, after all.

I had a thing with you.

Got pulled.

Stuck here as a goat.

But mate, no.

Don't ring any bells.

You're right, Anne. Goodbye, Leo.

Somebody at the door?

Tom, my young apprentice.

Larry, come on in, mate.

Alex, pal, this is Larry, the werewolf
of the talk.

Greetings.

Larry Frysler.

Hi. Very nice.

The room. Love the place.

Buffet monitor.

Good to see you again.

Larry's going to teach me how to become
a successful werewolf. How do you feel

about that, Hal?

Good for you, Tom. Yeah, it is good for
me, Tom.

So I might take it you're both
werewolves as well?

No.

I'm a vampire.

And I'm a ghost.

Very good. See what you're doing there?

Using humour to break the ice.

Great stuff.

So you've brought a suitcase?

Yeah, well, my tutoring can be quite
time -intensive. We thought rather than

lot of coming and going, I'd just stay
here for a while.

Yeah.

Laurie's going to stay here for a while
to train me.

Great.

The more the merrier. You're not the
boss of me here, Al.

I can do what I like.

Yeah, I know. I thought it was great.

So.

Oh.

Great to meet you both.

I didn't know you wanted to stay.

I thought we discussed it, hadn't we?

Sure we did.

We were thinking it, anyway.

Was there a training?

Yeah, yeah, the training.

Lots of it.

Great stuff.

When do we start?

Is there a manual or something?

Yeah, of course there is. A vital
component of the programme.

Now, this is the most important book
you'll ever own.

Truly got me where I am today.

This book is now your Bible. I want you
to live it, breathe it, sleep with it.

Under your pillow. I'm just saying it's
a good book.

Oh, wow.

Thanks, Larry.

You say your dad taught you a few
things.

Yeah.

Only steal from big shops.

There's good eating on Rabbit, and
Underpants Inside Out buys you an extra

Essential life lessons.

Anything about becoming a success,
making something of yourself?

No, not really.

It was more about whittling and not
starving to death.

You were amazing, weren't you, Dad?

We were hardly ever out of each other's
sight.

You protected me from the world.

A bit too much, maybe.

I don't know, I just want to make him
proud.

And I get devastated when I can't, and I
get things wrong and that.

Tom, open that door.

Did you see him go?

Old Tom, failure Tom.

He'd left the building.

All right. See you.

No, no, no, Tom.

Shun him.

Shun him.

Shun him.

Now, let's get down to basics.

Clothes make up the man.

How would you like this suit, Tom?

It's a cape.

You just give me a suit.

It's important, vitally important, to
make a good first impression.

And this little baby has done wonders
for me.

Oh, dear, Larry.

Give me all this stuff and feel as
though I should keep some in return.

No, not necessary, seriously.

Having said that, there is one thing you
could help me with.

Yeah, anything.

Well, obviously I need to buy a new suit
now, and I've got a bit of a cash flow

issue over the next few days, so I'm
transferring money between banks, you

how it is. But if you could maybe lend
me, say, £150...

I've got some savings.

Actually, forget it. I'm embarrassed for
even asking.

I'll think of something, don't worry.

Don't know what exactly, but something
will turn up.

I'll help you out, Larry.

But it's just a loan, though, yeah? For
a few days.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Tom?

Hello, Hal.

I've just come to congratulate you on
your new position of manager.

Thank you, Tom.

That Larry suit.

You're not the only one who can wear a
suit, Hallie.

I've got this printed off at the
library.

Tom McNair Incorporated? Yep.

I think you're supposed to put something
else on there, like a fan.

I'll call you.

Yeah, there's a new player in town.

And he's got the skills, and the looks,
and the motivation, and the skills.

He's got the whole package.

Quiet.

Yeah,

they were really impressed.

I did a power -on cheat, I gave him my
card.

Interrupted him. I mean, that's three of
the ingredients for a success pie right

there, isn't it?

Success pie?

Yeah, the book. Oh, success pie. Oh, the
book. Good.

Now, your next life lesson.

Take this. Go and put the windscreen
through and that BMW over there.

Whose car is it?

Let's say it's your competitor who has
stolen your assets and voted you off the

board. Yeah, but whose car is it really?

Mine.

Stolen by my bitch of an ex -wife, who
is currently spending my money, panning

herself in that spa, so she can look
even more like the leather handbag,

bought. Ha!

The irony makes me want to puke.

Your ex -wife.

This thing here, 92 and 94.

One and the same.

Although 1992 was a long time ago, as
one look at her will plainly tell you.

I don't think I can do this.

I thought you wanted to learn how to
climb the mountain of success.

Yeah, but I don't think smash the
windscreen is going to help me climb the

mountain of success or eat success pie,
is it? Tom, sometimes you have to do

regrettable things to get to the top.

And when you do, your old dad will be
looking down and smiling.

If I do this, he won't.

Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm pushing
you too quickly.

Go and let our tyres down and we'll say
no more about it.

Go on.

All of them.

It's simple, really. I go off and have
adventures and just make sure I'm back

here in time for all the pretty Lord
Harry bullshit.

Why? That's what I don't understand.

And what about your unfinished business?

Oh, that's all sorted.

Something about library books? No, I've
had loads of doors appear.

I just turned them down.

What? Why?

How?

He needs me. I know he's got you and
there's been her and Annie and those are

just the ones I can remember, but me and
her have something special that no one

else could ever understand.

Which is?

I keep him clean.

Seeing me once a year stopped him from
killing and has kept him from killing

more than two centuries.

What do you mean?

I don't know, I was his last victim.

Is that what...

He told you?

Yeah.

You know what? Not my business.

But I... I just really don't think that
all these lies are that healthy.

Just tell him who you really are.

What if he doesn't want the new me?

Sometimes when he looks at me, it's
like...

Stuff on the tip of his tongue.

Yeah, you two really need to have a
talk.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not ready.

Okay, listen.

You've shown me your world. How about I
show you mine?

Come see my gaff.

Okay.

Might I have a quick word?

Sure.

I was just wondering how Tom's lessons
were progressing.

Yeah, very rare delicate stage were
breaking down barriers.

To replace them with?

Bridges, castles, affordable housing.

Actually, there's something I've been
meaning to ask you.

Did you ever meet Tom's father? No.

I never had that pleasure.

But I'm right in thinking they kept him
away from people and that Tom was

homeschooled. That was my understanding,
although I don't think McNair's lessons

were exactly conventional.

You must take some of the credit, of
course, for helping Tom adjust to

Tom has been very resourceful in that
area.

Sir, are you saying you haven't taught
him anything?

I mean, you're obviously a man of
breeding and intelligence, whereas Tom

almost literally raised by wolves.

That's something of a sweeping
statement.

And yet you felt no compulsion to pass
on any of your...

Yeah, fine.

Not really my place.

Unbelievable. I suppose the greatest
test of a teacher's work is whether the

student thrives without them.

It'll be interesting to see Tom
implement all the things you've taught

Once you've gone.

Once all of this is over.

It's a big house.

But not that big.

How odd. You must find our little setup
here.

How domesticated.

Perhaps we are a little rigid, but that
structure seems to work for us.

And we'll do all we can to protect it.

I'll bear that in mind.

My situation is not unique.

I appreciate that.

People lose their jobs every day.

When that happens...

No doubt.

Other aspects of their life expand to
fill the void.

The problem with my life is there's
nothing else there to expand.

I don't have a family.

I don't have any hobbies.

The job was my life.

Now that's gone.

So I find myself at something of a loose
end.

What was it that you did?

Your job?

I was a little nervous.

Very dull.

Well, that was what I always said.

But it's nothing of a lie.

My job was covert and dangerous.

It required me to commit acts that will
haunt me until the day I die.

All in the name of holding back the
tide.

And if we simply step aside now, and
allow that tide to wash over the world,

then all my sacrifice has been for
nothing.

All those deaths have been for nothing.

Do you understand?

Would you like me to tell you what I'm
wearing?

Don't have to keep the suit on all the
time. All up in different exciting

business opportunity rows and attacking
it off. Look a bit stupid then, won't I?

Tom.

I need to talk to you about Larry.

I don't think he's quite the success
he's led us to believe.

I wanted to know why we hadn't seen him
on the television, so I did a search at

Google, and it turns out he was sacked.

Six months ago. You really can't stand
it, can you?

Can't stand to see me winning?

Tom, this isn't winning.

I've been thinking, what if I made you
assistant manager? I don't want to be

just your assistant. I want your job.

Something tells me now that Larry's
given me the skills that I need, you're

worried that I might just get it.

Larry is a charlatan and a failure. He's
not. He's a business guru and a

motivated speaker.

He's been filling your head with utter
nonsense.

Tom, these attitudes he's encouraging,
they're shallow.

They're aggressive. All right, OK, all
right.

Maybe he's not a very nice guy.

Maybe that's the truth.

But you know what?

I don't care.

Cos my sky's finished last, Hal, and I'm
tired of finishing last.

Cos when you're there, you get to the
finishing line, you find that the pie's

already gone.

Cos some bugger like you has already had
it.

The success pie, which is where they
keep it, at the finishing line, on top

success mountain. I don't really know
how it works.

You don't have to speak to his level.
Maybe I do, Hal.

Because I'm sure of one thing. McNair
would have wanted more from me than

And I'm letting him down.

Every day I'm letting him down.

Maybe this is a way I can make him proud
of me.

Welcome to our humble boat.

Used to be a cheesy B &B, but we would
never know.

Don't swear it. Over the years, we've
seen some rich, shining samples of

Edwardian architecture.

Oh, Tom's here.

Thought you'd be at work.

I didn't know we were expecting company.
Should have said.

Mary, this is Tom and Larry.

Tom's werewolf friend stroke lifestyle
coach.

Guilty as charged.

You must have died a long time ago
dressed like that.

I believe that questions as to a lady's
age are considered inappropriate, even

in this barbaric age.

I'm loving that whole Downton Abbey
thing you've got going on there.

Pretty sexy.

It's like coming out.

So might you take it you were Thomas's
father?

Well, I'm bloody old.

I apologise for any offence caused.

Lord Harry.

You are no longer in your home.

You are outside.

Indeed. Mistress Alexandra persuaded me
to take a quiet constitutional.

We were just about to have some dinner.
Would you like to join us?

So, 250 years.

That's a long time to stay in the
straight and narrow.

What's your secret, Hal?

Are my ears burning?

So ghosts really can't eat?

No, we can't. It's tragic.

Anyway, Hal, 250 years without blood.

That's quite an achievement.

What else can't you do?

I'm right in saying that you can't take
your clothes off, aren't I? So does that

also mean you can't, you know, have a
bath? No, it's a real shame. Anyway,

Mary, blood, disgust.

This is unfortunately very true.

Yet, even though I've been dead for over
200 years, I am sure that I bathe more

regularly than some people I could think
of. For showers?

You're just sitting in your own muck in
the bath. Oh, forget the bath. It's a

shagging aim, eh?

I think I need to go.

Shall we see the foot? She's gone up.

Crazy. Real pity.

Real way.

Pretty girl like you, that you'll never
again know the love of a man.

Do you want to see me?

Do you?

Just nod.

Okay.

And you don't talk to me.

You don't look at me. You don't even
think of me again. Because if you do, I

will cut your nutsack off in the night.

Oh, and mention one word of this to Hal.

Just got to catch up on some work.

What have you done?

You've broken Mary.

I told you. She only puts it on because
she thinks that you need it.

That's insane. Why would I need her to
do such a thing?

Because somehow she has this crazy idea
that she was your last ever victim.

You haven't told her, have you? No, I
haven't.

How the hell could you let her think
that for so long? It's not exactly an

topic to raise.

Hal, she is turning down doors because
she thinks it's keeping you clean.

You have to tell her. I can't.

It would destroy her. She's far too
fragile.

Hal, does she look fragile?

Your mates are not up. Yeah, well, yours
is an arsehole and a lech.

And a bullshitter.

He's got a jacuzzi.

Well, stuff his jacuzzi. Seriously, Tom,
what are you even doing with that guy?

Learning how to be like him.

Barry, you all right, mate?

Absolutely fine.

What's on your mind there, Tom -Tom?

Bit weird down there with Mary, wasn't
it?

Oh, that.

Yeah, to be honest, I'd forgotten all
about that.

It's all part of the game, Tom, all part
of the game.

Your hand's bleeding.

Anything else?

When are you going to be back on the
telly?

I'd really like to see you in action.

Well, if you must know, I'm taking some
leave to pursue other opportunities, but

I'll be back on again in a couple of
weeks, straight after the six o 'clock

news.

Erm... I was thinking that maybe
tomorrow we could go round to your

some training or go for a swim in the
jacuzzi or something.

Oh, sorry, but the old pile now belongs
to my charming ex -wife.

We can certainly go round there and put
some windows through if you're up for

it. No, thanks.

So you ain't got an arse no more, now?

Come on, Tom.

Out, job, wife, shackles by any other
name. Who needs them, really?

I was right, wasn't I?

It's all just made up.

Gorgeous stories.

What? I wouldn't go listening to Al.

Look up loser in the dictionary. There's
a picture of him.

Or a drawing. I don't quite know how it
works, but... You've been sleeping in

your car, haven't you?

I've done enough tossing to know the
signs.

He's really got to you, hasn't he?

Got to say, I'm disappointed.

Stop it now, Larry. It ain't working no
more, mate.

Were you ever a success? Was it all just
lies?

Look, if I ever lied to you, it was only
to protect you.

I did have it all, once upon a time.
Then the werewolf came, gobbled it all

How? How did you gobble it all up? What
does that even mean? You were turned

into a baby, weren't you?

You'd never known anything else.

You don't know how the wolf changes you.

You see, it's not just one night a
month.

It's every day, every hour.

No, it's not.

Most of the time, we're normal. How
would you know?

You've never seen yourself without it.

I know it changed me.

I've got instincts now, which I never
had before.

New drives.

Aggression.

Lust. That's how it started.

cheated on my wife, piece by piece.

The wolf took it all away.

The houses, the job, the money.

Yeah, well, I ain't like that. I'm
nothing like that. What, no aggression?

How many vampires have you killed?

Well, maybe the wolf is holding you back
in other ways. How would you know?

Maybe there's a smart, successful Tom
inside that has all the answers, who,

sadly, we'll never meet.

Yeah, but... You gave me the book. You
said if I learnt it... I've never even

read that book.

I don't think any of us stands a chance
against the wolf, because it always

wins.

For us, this is as good as it gets.

I shouldn't have come back.

You and Hal need to talk about this.

He doesn't even know me anymore.

So introduce yourself.

Um...

Action film.

John Woo and Jackie Chan.

And the music of Metallica.

I watch Cage Fighting.

I shoplift quite a lot.

And I push people over sometimes if I
don't like their shoes or

their faces.

So this must all be it.

That's certainly one way of putting it.

Actually, maybe Hal has a little secret
that he wants to tell you.

Really?

What's happened, Hal?

Alex has been telling me that you have
been turning down doors, thinking that

your presence here has been keeping me
from killing.

I'm sorry to break this to you, Mary,
but that simply isn't true.

You have been a loyal and close friend,
but you weren't my last victim.

You are shitting me.

Many times I tried to raise the courage
to tell you... You have centuries of

lying.

Centuries of bowing and fawning and
babbling about the fucking weather.

Centuries of knowing how I felt about
you.

Centuries of letting me think you felt
the same. And I did.

Perhaps not in that way.

But I'm totally clean now.

It must be over 50 years since I last
killed a human for blood. That's okay,

then. Because that only makes me an
idiot for, what, 200 years?

And you knew.

You covered for this tosser.

But now you're free.

You're free to pass over.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

You've really solved my life.

You utter...

Could have gone better.

250 years I've been visiting her.

Five minutes with you, and she's
threatening to castrate people and

of onanism.

Accusing you of what?

Masturbation. This whole business, it
really makes me doubt you.

Am I just the latest in a long line of
dead girls who you lean on and who trust

you and who you lie to?

Sorry, couldn't help overhearing.

I was just down there looking for
something for ten minutes.

Why are you dressed like that?

Only saving the day.

Covering Tom's shift.

Used to do bar work back in the old
student days.

Where is Tom?

Yeah, a little bit awkward, that.

I think he's left.

Left what?

The job?

No, the house.

He said something about not working out,
trying to be human, and then he packed

the bag and left.

Maybe it's for the best.

Like you said yourself, Hal, it was
getting a little bit cramped.

Oh, yeah.

It's all coming back to me now.

We'll pay for that, obviously.

Are we in here?

No.

How did you know I was here?

We know how much McNair meant to you,
Tom. His grave seemed a good bet.

Where are the funds going, Tom?

For his gravestone.

You've changed your mind. I don't want a
gravestone. I've spent the money, it's

gone. Tom, did Larry take all the money?
It was the surveyor.

McNair, did you know that?

Before he got bit, he never told me how
to find it out.

He was a success.

And then he turned into a werewolf and
he ended up living in the woods in a

And raising a son who was courageous and
motivated and generous.

No, Larry was right.

It's a waste of time. Wolves try to
better themselves and fit in.

This is where we always end up, in the
woods, poaching rabbits.

This is as good as it gets for us. Tom,
you have one night a month to worry

about. You're the closest human of all
of us. Yeah, I used to think that too.

And then Larry put me straight.

The wolf never sleeps. He's always there
inside me, making me dumb.

Tom, that is utter nonsense.

And if that's what Larry's been telling
you, then he is despicable.

That's good.

All this time I thought I was the
problem, but it's not my fault. It's the

so it's OK, isn't it?

Let's say that's true.

How? No, let's say you have a monster
inside you.

All the time.

Pulling at your strings, tormenting you,
itching to see you fail.

Join the club.

Come on in, because if you do, if all of
that is true,

then this is where you prove your worth.

By fighting it.

By defying it. By proving it wrong.

By standing toe to toe with it every
day.

Spitting in its face. Larry told you
that he lost his wife and his job

of the wolf.

Tom, whatever Larry's problems are, you
can be damn sure they're nothing to do

with him being a wolf and everything to
do with him being a failure.

You are nothing like him.

You are stronger in every way. You are a
good man. Best I've ever known.

What a success, though, am I?

Yes, you are.

By all the measures that matter.

It's just a wishy -washy way of saying
failure, isn't it?

Look, I know both of you are mean, Mum,
but this is for the best, really, it is.

I know where I am in the woods. It's
like coming home.

I don't have to dress up or learn stupid
rules.

I can stop pretending I'm normal.

I don't have to try for anything more.

This is enough for me.

It's enough.

Sorry? I'll spell it out. You, gone,
now.

I'm guessing this has something to do
with Tom, right?

Look, whatever he's chosen to believe
has nothing to do with me.

We both know he's not the sharpest tool
in the shed.

You've got five minutes to back your
case.

But this is my home, Al. Do you think if
you say something enough times it makes

it true?

This is my home.

It wasn't me, it was the wolf.

You know nothing of the wolf.

But I know people.

I know the lies they tell themselves to
cover up their own failings. There's

only one person to blame for what's
happened to you.

And he's standing right in front of me.

Shut your mouth, you arrogant little
shit.

You don't know me.

You don't scare me either. I should.

Because there is something within me
that I've been holding back.

And it so wants to be free.

And what you did to Tom has given it the
perfect excuse.

This is your chance.

Barry, your only chance to be the wise
man who walks away and lives to see

another day.

Do you know how this ends? What?

You, here, in a tent.

Do you know how this ends?

Mary.

She gave up the fight.

She let it overwhelm her. Now she's all
alone and mad as a badger.

Nothing like her.

Yeah, neither am I.

Yet.

I bet she didn't plan on it ending up
like that either.

You've got to stay part of something,
you know?

You've got to stay... anchored.

It's OK for you, because, well, you can
be seen and do stuff, whereas the only

thing I can be a part of is the Tom, Hal
and Alex gang.

So I'll be coming out for you?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just going to put it out
there.

I want you to come back because...

Well, because Mary is scared the shit
out of me.

And I'm scared that without you two,
that, well, that's going to be me

over a bog watching other people shag.

Long story.

It's about you as well.

You're the best out of all of us.

You just don't realise it.

Nice for you.

Hello,

Alex. Hal was just telling me how truly
sorry he is for this whole business. It

was really quite moving.

Mary, you don't want to do this.

Why do people always say that?

This is exactly what I want to do, which
is why I'm doing it. Mary, I am

eternally grateful to you.

For all the years you dedicated to my
well -being. Oh, my God, do you ever

listen to yourself?

It's like the shipping forecast to be
shit in your ears. You were my rock.

You helped me stay clean for so many
years. That is worth more to me than I

say. Yeah, but it didn't last forever,
did it?

So then you drink again, and then you're
clean again, and then you drink again,

on and on and on and on and on.

How long until you kill again, Hal?

How many lives will I be saving when I
kill you today?

But I've been doing this for a very long
time.

It's all right, I've got it, I think.

You can't just run off, you know.

We've got this.

What? I said we have got this.

It's our responsibility now.

We'll make sure that he doesn't kill
again, won't we, Tom?

Absolutely. Can you just wrap this up
now, please?

No, he needs to suffer. Every day he
fights with the monster he might become.

You think that isn't suffering?

You've had centuries of making him your
problem.

I know it hurts, and I know that your
heart is breaking, but it is time to let

go of them.

He's our problem now.

It's okay. I'm fine. Don't worry about
me.

Don't worry.

So what now?

Guess you don't have to keep coming back
here anymore.

No.

I think it's high time for a new
country.

Maybe horny personalities.

Yeah, like the Dixie Taurus.

Or crazy eco -warrior. Go scare the shit
out of some loggers in the Amazon.

He's not a bad man.

Not anymore.

I've never heard that before.

Yeah, me, for 250 years.

Right, why don't we just try and leave
this on a civil note, hmm? How's that

sound?

Goodbye, Lady Millie.

It has certainly been an experience.

I hope you know what you're taking on.

Because the man that killed me isn't
gone, he's just sleeping, and he's a

good liar.

How long until you're the one holding
the stake?

So we're just up and left?

I'll be honest, Tom, I didn't leave him
a lot of choice.

Good riddance.

He was a bit of a wrong and money.

I've been a bit of an idiot.

I'm sorry, Hal.

You've nothing to apologise for.

No, I have. I let him get to me.

The wolf ain't holding me back.
Nothing's holding me back. It's got to

harder, that's all.

I can be anything I want to be.

We all can.

It's quite an insight. Maybe I should
spend some time in the woods. No, you

don't want to do that. It's crap damn
finishing.

That's why I come home, really. I needed
a shower.

Of course it is.

Oh, while I've got you, mate, that job
opportunity, is it still open?

Assistant manager?

It's the money.

It's yours if you want it, Tom.

Well, I'll have my people call your
people and set something up.

You do that?

No, we didn't know you like, but you
know you have.

You're a good bloke.

It is your chance.

Barry, your only chance to be the wise
man who walks away and live to see

another day.

So, we're more alike than I thought. We
are nothing alike. When you look at me,

you just see the monster you're hiding.
You believe whatever you want, just go.

I'm a little too wild for your liking,
aren't I? A little too unpredictable, a

little too complete.

Clearly helped you make such a success
of your life. Didn't you tell Tom all

that stuff was unimportant?

Instead, I've got no struggle, no tug of
war, just one voice, one life, one me.

Seeing that's got to hurt. It's wrong,
Neil. You don't get that backwards. You

know what?

I think you're just one big PR exercise.

You think I'm a fraud?

Well, I guess you know the signs.

I'll huff and I'll puff.

Whoa, come on, let's see this big fat
howl that's got everyone so scared.

I don't know what you're doing. Maybe I
do.

Maybe I want this. Maybe I want to see
the monster.

Come on, let him out. Let him play. If
it's even real.

You've got the others fooled. It's not
exactly hard, is it?

A flag and a retard.

You want to talk to the real me?

Hello, Larry.

Here I am. Did you want to speak to me?

Hello.

Hello. I believe I have some work for
you.

Bobby. Excellent.

Mr. Rookaway says that I'm a savage and
deadly predator.

There is no Ian.

There is only Crump.

Let's do this.