All language subtitles for Vampires.of.the.Velvet.Lounge.2026.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264

-Hey, you look nice.

- Thanks, so do you.

I'm excited for tomorrow night.

We're finally going to meet.

-Yeah, I know.
Well, I'm all packed up.

Gonna leave in the mornin',
fly down there

and meet you in that
cool-looking little absinthe bar

that you suggested.

-There you go, sweetheart.

-Thank you, ma'am.

-Are you okay, lonely stranger?

You look a little down.

-Tell you ladies the truth...

I was supposed to meet a girl
named Elizabeth in here,

but looks like she stood me up.

-In my opinion if she's
gonna be that flaky

you're better off finding out
before you even meet her.

-To Elizabeth.

- Ah. Woo.

-What are you drinkin'?

-It's absinthe.

I just like to mix it
with other stuff.

Keeps things interesting.

This one's on me.

Hmm.

-Since you're here,
you might as well drink absinthe

until you see the Green Fairy.

-What Green Fairy?

-In the past,
absinthe was outlawed

and blamed for the immoral
behavior of society.

It's said that vivid
hallucinations of a Green Fairy

would appear to the man
drinking it,

and she would seduce him
into ungodly mischief.

- To ungodly mischief,

and here's to Green Fairies.

To fairies.

-Woohoo! To fairies!

-You're not real.

- Can you see me?

- Yeah.

But I drank too much absinthe.

And now I'm hallucinating.

A Green Fairy.

The fairy just looks like you

'cause I've been thinking
about you all fucking night.

How I flew all the way across
the country just to meet you

and you stood me up.

- No.
- Yeah.

-No, I didn't stand you up.

-Ya did.

I said I would meet you here,

and here I am,
here I am, here I am.

-This is a fucking weird
hallucination.

- I think this night's
gonna get good, baby doll.

-You're inside my brain.
You're not real.

-Well, if you want me
to prove you're not crazy,

come outside the bar

and meet me across the street
in the alley.

And you can do whatever you want
to me just like I promised.

- At this point...

it seems like I should get back
to my hotel.

- Perfectly genius.

-Well, I guess this
Green Fairy myth is real.

-Most myths are real.

Otherwise, why would people
keep talking about them?

-No, ladies,
myths are allegories.

They're not physical.

-This should cover it.

-I should, uh, go home
while I still can.

Night, ladies.

- This allegory isn't real...
- isn't real...isn't real.

-Jesus.

- Eric. Eric.

- What the fuck.

- Eric?

-Yeah.

What the fuck?!

-See? I told you I'd be here.

- No, no.

- I wanna see you.

- I'm a soldier.

I'm a former killer,

a former mercenary.

Everyone I knew
was left in the blood

in the five recent
and forgotten wars.

I left the best parts
of myself in the ashes.

I'd been recruited
by an organization

that fit my skillset.

Now I only hunt the damned,
where I forget the faces

of the countless lives
I've taken.

- Good God.

How does Joan drink this
absinthe and blood mix?

Ugh!

- Why are you even
trying to drink it?

You know she gets drunk
like a human.

-You like to bathe in blood

and Joan is down
in the catacombs

buried in earth, drunk,
sleeping with the spiders

and the snails and the slugs.

I don't do any of that shit.

I drink clean blood,

and I sleep
in a clean velvet coffin.

We've been here
a 100 years.

-So nice.

-Are you tracking my location?

- Yes.
You're close to the target.

Think of puppy dogs
and ice cream,

whatever makes you happy,
childhood memories.

We don't want them
getting inside your mind.

-Got it.

- No more talking
till you get back.

-Okay, bye for now.

- Bye.

- It's time we stop
in-person hunting.

The remote online hunting
has been going so well.

We can give
the locals a break.

- Won't only hunting online
and dating apps

be even more trackable?

- Everything is being tracked
in this day and age.

But AI doesn't appear to be able
to calculate our existence

as a realistic possibility.

The odds of us actually
being here

go against the algorithms.

Chuck, what are you waiting for?

Make me feel good!

You're just sitting there
like you're waiting for a train.

-Train?
No, I never travel by trains.

They're dangerous.
They derail--

Get on with it!

- Temptation is like the devil.

- I like it.

It's okay.

Do it to me.

- Hmm.

Bye-bye.

Don't forget about me.

-For you, Elizabeth.
For you.

- Ugh...

I need a cup of that.

-Jesus.

Happy thoughts,
happy thoughts.

God, what was love like
before the war?

Not helping.

- I wanna kiss you.

Elizabeth Bathory,
she was a countess

that didn't need
to fight at all.

She never went into battle.

She was just draining hundreds
of young maidens of their blood

in her castle.

Now other historical figures
have been held up

as the inspiration for
fictional vampires and witches,

and what have you,
but not Elizabeth.

She is thought to have
the highest death count

of any serial killer in history.

-And that defines her
as a serial killer because...?

- Well, she wasn't going
into battle defending her lands

or even going
after other royalty.

I mean, her ambition
was just to kill

as many young women as possible

and bathe in their blood
for no explicable reason.

And if that's not
a serial killer,

I don't know what is.

-So she was always a vampire?

- She is thought
to be one of the oldest

and most cunning of her breed.

Most people think she died back
in 1614,

but Cora, you found her.

-I'm supposed to chat
with her tomorrow night,

and I'm a little nervous,
to be honest.

I'm a soldier, not a spy.

What more information
do we need?

I bullseyed her location,
recorded her bathing in blood.

- We don't know how many
we're dealing with

or the full layout
of their lair.

There could be an army
of these beasts stretching down

to a palace beneath the earth.

You're gonna have
to continue as planned

and make your call
with her tomorrow night.

That'll buy us time
to figure out

how to destroy these beasts.

-This is stupid.

I found Elizabeth
and we're not gonna do anything.

-We're making a lot of progress.

- Fine.

I'll keep flirting
with the devil.

Going to bed.

Luke, you've got to stop

bothering Jennifer and the staff

about your damn divorce.

It's been going on
for like six months.

-I'm not bothering her.

She's my friend.

-Yeah, well, you're bothering me
and you're my friend.

-It's true, buddy.

Nobody wants to hear about
your divorce every day at work.

Maybe it's time for a therapist,

because I'm running out
of options here.

-You don't know what it's like.

Aretha turned on me.

She took my house, my kids.

She's trying to take everything
from me,

including my fucking sanity.

-I'm aware of all that.

I get it,
and I agree with you.

But as your lawyer,

I've got to advise you
to just shut up now.

-All right.

What about the girls
you've been chatting with, huh?

- Yes.
- Huh?

And don't you have a video call
with one today?

-Do I look like I'm ready
for a video call?

-Well, get ready,
'cause you're doin' it.

Otherwise, the way I see it,
my friend's a dead man.

-Now let's see what we got.

Jesus.

The way these girls set up
their profiles

on these dating apps
is incredible.

- These three women are trying
to convince us to meet them

at the same absinthe lounge
in Savannah this weekend.

They're all with the same
modeling agency.

- I mean, the disinternet
advertising is off the charts.

- Mm-hmm.

Look at this.
It's legitimate.

And it's one of the oldest
absinthe bars in the country.

-I don't know.

It sounds like they're
a bunch of rich girls.

And that Joan chick
is really landed on strong.

She wants me to come out there.

-That's great.
You start listening to Joan.

It's a good thing.

Stop listening
to your ex-wife.

-Thank you.

-I just got an idea.

- Uh-oh.
- You ready?

What if I agreed
to meet Elizabeth on Saturday,

and you both agreed
to meet the other two?

I mean, we deserve a break,
right?

- Oh, shit.

I'm supposed to video chat
with Joan in two minutes.

-Great, don't be late.

-I don't think I can do it.
-You got this.

- You're
a handsome man, be charming.

-Let's hope she's a no-show.

- Well, hey there, stranger.

You look nice.

-Thanks, Joan.
You look...amazin'.

- So you really want me
to fly all the way out there

for a date?

- What?
You don't think I'm worth it?

-No, I didn't mean like that.
I was just...

just hoping that you would
be willing to fly to me.

That's all.

-Well, if we're gonna meet
in person,

one of us is gonna have
to travel.

-Yeah.

-You need a vacation.

You know we've been chatting
for days

and you keep going on and on
about all of your new investors,

then even if it's good,
sounds stressful.

- Maybe I do need a vacation.

How about this weekend?

-Oh, this weekend
would be perfect.

It's a masquerade this Saturday,

and we could see each other
for the first time in costume.

-Costumes and masquerades.

-Be fun and romantic.

-I'll be there.

-Perfect.

Call when you're here.

-Okay, babe.

-Toodle-oo.

-I'm proud of you.

I am proud of you.

Salud .

- Salud .

-Have some wine, and relax.

Happy thoughts.

You look perfectly innocent.

-I'm an assassin.

I'm sitting here in this pink,
whatever this is.

I'm not right for this
part of the job.

I don't want a fuckin'
stuffed animal

and a bowl of popcorn.

I want an AK
and a wooden stake.

-Happy thoughts, relax.

-What are happy thoughts?

You can't be serious when you
say puppy dogs and ice cream.

Is it a code?

-Yeah, sure, it's code
for whatever makes you happy.

The geo spoofing appears
to be working on her perfectly.

I changed your IP address

so she thinks
you're two states away

instead of two miles.

-Great.

I have a chat with her
in approximately one minute.

-And you're gonna be great.

Just go to your little
inside utopia.

-Go fuck yourself.

- Hey.

- Hey, you look nice.

Are you on the beach
in your underwear?

-It's a really nice night
and it's hot.

There's a private stretch
of beach here

where no one ever goes at night,

so I just come down here
and hang out.

- That sounds great.

I wish I lived near
a private beach

where I could hang out,

drink wine at night
in my underwear,

and still have internet service.

- You look cute.

What are you up to?

- I don't feel cute.

-Well come next weekend, then.

-A trip next weekend
sounds amazing.

-We can hang out,
I can show you around town.

Would you like me
to fly you here

and get you your own hotel room?

That sounds amazing.

-I'll book your trip right now

and email you
all the information.

-Thank you so much.

-I can't wait to get you here
in person so I can kiss you.

-Me too.

- I'll book your trip
right now and call you back.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

-Tell me you want me.

-Tell me you love me.

- I love--I love--

Waah!

- Tell me you want me.

Tell me you want me!

Are you afraid?

Tell me you love me.

- I--I--

- Hah.

-Chuck!
-Well...

-You got blood all over
my fancy new beach background!

-Hah. Agh.

-I'm excited for our date.

- You did great.

-What?
- I said you did great!

-You know, happy thoughts.

-Only helpful if you have any.

Why is it so important?

-Hmm.

So that demons don't get
inside your head

and make you axe murder us
both in the night?

Did you feel dizzy or lose
your sense of time and space?

-No, I'm fine.

Anyway, we should focus.

-Yes, back to destroying
Elizabeth.

You have combat experience,
but these things are not human.

They'll shred your brain
in your sleep

and make you slit
your own throat.

Albert wants us
to get more information,

and you're going to go back
and gather it.

-Okay, Miss Intelligence.

Send me back
into the vampire lair alone

and to their bar during
a masquerade party

so I can get myself killed

and my soul sucked out
of my ears

while I gather intel
we already have.

That's what you guys want.

-Mm-hmm.

- I was dating the devil
as a soldier following orders.

But why did I like it?

Was it the anticipation
of a warm redemption

that I presumed I would feel

when I drove a stake
through her heart?

- Take a selfie.
Jocelyn, take a selfie.

-It's true.
I can see the Green Fairy.

- What may I get for you,
darling?

-A glass of absinthe.

Your absinthe is ready.

- Hi.
- Hi.

-You look good.
-So do you.

-You clearly see the girl
at the end of the bar

with the skull mask in all red?

-Yummy.
-No.

She's heavily armed.

She's a hunter or something.

-She is a hunter.

And I'm scheduled to kill her
this weekend.

-I think you should
kill her now.

-I'll kill her
when she's invited me to.

We don't want
to attract attention

and bring more of them.

-Okay,
but what about the guys?

Our lover boys from out of town

will be arriving
in about an hour.

-Just text them to meet us
at Club Silver Paradise.

You stay here
and keep the party going.

The hunter won't
notice anything.

She'll just leave
when the party's over

and I'll bring the guys
back here after hours.

-Mmm. Mmm.

What are you doing?

It feels so good in the earth.

Mmm.

I'm tired.
I don't want to move.

-Well, you're going
to stay tired forever

if you just lay half-buried
in the dirt, eating bugs.

You need to get back
on your diet.

Look at me.

Our guys are coming
into town tonight.

-Already?

-Mm-hmm.

-Oh, I'm...

Mm.

Okay. Help me get ready.

- My superior officer
Alexis

was emotionally scattered,

not ready for the nightmare
that was to come.

What in God's name
are you doing?

I thought you were
the intelligence.

- I am adding a new skill
to my arsenal

for my dating profile.

- So you send me back
to the lair

and then just start doing your
crazy online courtship rituals

and leisurely working out.

-Staying fit is my job.

-That's supposed
to be my job, too.

But I keep getting sent back

into the demon lair
to get drunk,

told to have happy thoughts

and to have romantic video chats
with the devil.

- I liked her,
but people close to me get hurt.

I was good at violence,

and there was a violent job
to be done.

Focus on your upper body
and breathe.

Punching like you're angry
at something.

-What has gotten into you?

-I got dumped by the Frenchman.

I don't know,
maybe you're right.

There was just
so much pressure.

You left on one
of my dating apps

and I made six dates
all for tonight,

thinking they would cancel,
but then none of them canceled

and I freaked out
and I canceled all of them.

And I feel like my head
is swollen.

- I'm putting my life
on the line

and you're in here having
emotional breakdowns

about dating?

-Well, it's all
because of the lunar eclipse.

-The eclipse is tomorrow.

- I just want to touch up
your lips and your eyeliner

without messing up
your rhinestones.

I've done your makeup
so many times,

I thought you were me.

I forgot what I looked like.

How come we can see ourselves

with their modern
digital technology?

There were no reflections
in mirrors and water

in what felt like forever.

Then with modern
digital cameras,

it captures our image
like we're humans.

Why is that?

-Because AI and digital cameras
are in league with the devil.

And so are we.

-Hmm. Well, if we're in league
with the devil,

then where is he?

I never met him.

-Listen, there's
a hunter upstairs.

-Ugh. Why do you two care?

- Well, in theory,
hunters know how to destroy us.

-Well, at this point,
would that even matter?

Aren't we gonna be destroyed
when humans turn the planet

into a seared bowl
of ash anyway?

-Well, they might just crash
their own population,

and then we wouldn't
be destroyed.

Things would just start
to get normal again.

-Oh, so what's your plan?

You're just gonna keep hiding
in the dark

and killing humans indefinitely?

-Yes, that's our only option.

Being destroyed
would be even worse.

We could be trapped
as ash forever

and then blow away in the wind

and get caught in the sunlight
and create rainbows.

-Mm.

-Some of us have been turned
to statues or beach foam.

I even heard of this one girl
who was turned into a painting.

-Still doesn't sound worse
than this.

-Well, we wouldn't be together.

We wouldn't be able to do
each other's makeup.

-I love you.

You'd make a pretty painting.
Let me paint you.

- Let's just go get
these guys first, okay?

-Okay.

Whoo! Whoo!

Whooh!

Whooh!

- Yeah!

-Damn it! God!

Would you just drive fast
but smoothly, Elizabeth?

This is good,
fresh blood and absinthe.

Would you stop
with the swerving?

-I'm driving the same way
that I always drive.

-Get these guys,
gonna get their hearts racing,

and thin their blood
with absinthe, and then, boom!

It's gonna be great.

Oh, I feel tingly all over
just thinking about it.

Oh, I'm gonna kill
somebody so good for you.

It's gonna be a show.

Do you wanna have sex?

-Joan, I don't get you.
Not even about sex.

-Well, no,
we're about living forever

and drinking people's blood.

-I just don't understand
some of your human-like urges.

-Run these motherfuckers over.

- Yeah,
you just told me about him.

-Smash into
these lovey-dovey cutie pies.

Ahh. It's beautiful.

It's like a drive thru.

Bye-bye.

-Agh.

-That was refreshing.

It wasn't exactly
what I had in mind.

I thought they were just
gonna go underneath the car.

Didn't realize they were gonna
splatter all over us

like a typhoon.

-We gotta go back home and
get dressed up all over again.

-No, we can go
to the club like this.

People are stupid,
they're never gonna think

that we're actually covered
in human blood.

-Now we look worse
than a Jackson Pollock painting.

- Mm.
- Mm.

-Yeah!

Good shit, man.

You're only going to get
a little fucked up.

It's a little bit of
a hallucinogenic kind of trip.

-Hey, is it possible
that we flew all the way

down here just to get stood up?

These girls are an hour late,
man, after switching venues.

-They'll be here, man.

It's all good.

-All right.

We're gonna get ready again

and go pick up these three guys,
remember?

- Okay. Well,
after we kill these three guys,

would you sleep
with me in my coffin today?

-I'll do it if you just focus
on our date first.

-Whooh.

-Come on in, ladies.

- Whoo!

-Hey, you want me to buy you
a drink or something?

-No.

I want you to go home
and hang yourself

with a thick extension cord.

- Come on now.

- Do as I say,
as I say.

-Okay. That's a good idea.

-I'm not in a club.

What are you talking about?

Who the hell you talking to?

- Yeah.

-Are you fucking kidding me?

You're not getting your
phone back or your ex-wife.

Get your shit together, man.

-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

She's fuckin' killin' me.

-You never have
to apologize to me.

-You know that.
-All right.

-I love you.
Just take a sip and focus.

-Okay. Cheers. Cheers.

-Cheers.
-Okay, got it.

-Bingo.

All three of them
sitting together.

-Modern and oily.

Just how you like them.

-Well, don't just stand
there staring at me.

Let's go dance next
to their table.

They'll invite us to sit down.

-The sad one, Luke,
I think I want to make him happy

before we kill him
and drink his blood.

-What for?

-I just want to be close to him
and accelerate his pulse.

Makes the blood gush out
quicker anyway.

-You can't turn back
into a human.

You know, you're drinking liquor
and wanting sex.

It's totally fucked up.

-Don't worry about me.

Let's just go dance near them,
like you said.

-Whoa!
-What?

-I--is that them?

-Oh.
-Game time.

I told you.

We're in business,
boys.

-Wait, wait.
Come on, man.

Go easy, man.
Go easy.

Oh.

-Hello, ladies.
How are you?

Mm.

Do you want to hear
my crazy fetish?

-Yeah, well, I don't know.

How crazy is it?

-I just love
when guys invite me places.

Sit at tables, have a drink,
go outside and hug, anything.

-Right.

That sounds more like a joke
than a fetish,

but I'll be happy for you guys
to come to the table with us.

Come on.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Look alive, boys!
- Hey!

-Wow, that is Joan.

- Oh, wow.

- Wow.
- Oh, wow.

- Hmm.

-Well, are you guys going
to invite us to sit down?

-Yes. By all means, please.

Sit down.
Have a drink.

- Oh, oh. Yeah.

Party.

- Yeah.

-You guys are so beautiful.

So much more beautiful
in person.

Look at you.

-There you go.

-Come on, get off.

So classy.

-You're so perceptive.

You can tell
we're classy already?

-Absolutely.

-What--what about Helena?

Is Helena around here,
somewhere?

- We'll meet her later.
- Let's go.

-Yes, of course,
but she's not in this club.

Let's go, let's go.

What's happenin' here?

-She said, let's go, let's go.

-Yes, buddy.

-What does that mean?

-It's your night.

- Oh, God.

-Go get 'em, tiger.

- Take me somewhere.

-Where?

-Your heaven, your hell.

Either would be paradise to me.

-Joan.

Got a lot on my mind.

-Sshh. I already know.

Put your hands on me, Luke.

Do you want me?

I want you.

- Cora, what did you see
when you went back to the bar?

-Well, they're still there.

The bar is their lair,

and I don't know how to find out
any more information on my own

without getting myself killed.

I highly recommend
a strike team,

and we hit 'em
in broad daylight.

-Historically, we have a better
chance of vanquishing them

if we strike
during the lunar eclipse.

-The eclipse would just make
the night darker.

We should do it
in the middle of the day.

- I can be there myself
with two of the guards

that I have here on site,

but not until the day
after tomorrow,

which would actually
get me there the morning

after the eclipse.

It's gonna have to
be the five of us.

We're gonna have
to vanquish them ourselves.

-Great.

We do it
in the middle of the day.

- Yes.

-Perfect. We'll just burst
in there at high noon

and light the place on fire.

-Great.
- Okay, Cora, yeah.

But you just remember
we're up against vampires.

It's nothing like a firefight
with human beings.

You have to think happy thoughts
to keep them out of your head.

If they seize control
of our brains,

we could burst in there
and start shooting each other.

Are you having dizzy spells
or seeing anything weird?

-Am I seeing anything weird?

The weirdest thing
I've ever seen

is Elizabeth having people
decapitated

and then bathing in their blood.

Other than that,
nothing unusual.

No dizzy spells, depression,
or suicidal thoughts.

- Okay, well, I'll be there
as fast as possible,

but, um, caution, ladies.

-Sorry about my dating freakout.

I don't know what came over me.

This lifestyle is hard.

-Tell me about it.

-Oh, my God.
You smell good.

Oh.

-Joan and Luke
have been gone too long.

This place is about to get rowdy
and then close.

Let's take this bottle
of absinthe for the car ride

and then we can cruise
to the other side of town.

-You wanna all the way,
huh?

Let's go see the others.

Okay.

- Hey!

- No suicidal
thoughts or depression?

-No.

-Dizziness?

Are you sure I'm not getting
inside your head, killer?

-No.

- What?

-What?

I don't know.

I'm drunk and messing
with a nest of vampires

and you're just working out
and dating

like you're at some kind
of retreat or something.

I'm going to bed.

-Helena wants us to meet her
at the absinthe bar.

- Excellent.

That's perfect.
Yes.

- Hey. How are you?

-Oh man, couldn't be better.

Listen, there was a mirror.

- A mirror? Why?

You need to see the mirror
or what?

-No. I--it was--I seen...

- They kept telling me
to have happy thoughts.

It was better
to let the cold sink in

and find the balance
in the nausea

and the night sweats.

All the smiley, happy people
I knew were in heaven,

where there was no pain
or consequences.

This shit's incredible.

- Hey, hey.
Right there. Right there.

Drink some of this shit.

- Cheer up, bro.
Come on, man.

- Oh, be careful.
- What are you doing?

-Oh, you worry too much.

Tell me, Luke.

I got you.

-Whoa, whoa.
Go easy, man.

Oh guys, guys, absinthe burns,

you guys should light
each other on fire.

It'll go viral.

-Absinthe's very flammable,
that could hurt us.

-I've been on fire before,
haven't you?

Faster, faster!

Well, no, it won't.

- Guys, light me on fire.

- It's not a good idea.
Come on--

-Let me have some fire.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
come on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

-Come on, man.

That's some white people shit.

- Why would you light
a drunk girl on fire?

-What the fuck are you doing?

- Jesus.
- What?

- What the fuck
just happened?

- I told you not
to light her on fire, man.

- Look, who do you think's
legally responsible, Luke?

'Cause she was begging me
to do this, all right?

She was begging me, right?

-Joan, are you okay?

Eh--

-What's wrong?

Did you want me to be hurt?

What?

- What the fuck.

-Did you get it on camera?

-Yeah, I got the whole thing
on camera.

-I used to be a circus acrobat.

- A circus act, man.

I thought you were toast.

That's crazy, man.

-Come on, bro,
drink up.

You only live once, right?

-Come on, man.

Woo!

- Yeah, Luke!
- Come on, baby. Woo.

-You know what?
Watch this.

Yeah, you got it, Luke.

-I'm--I'm gonna show you.

- Yeah, buddy.

-I'm gonna show you
what this is.

- You got it.

-I'm gonna take you
to another level.

Who's scared?

- Roll your cameras.
- You got it, Luke.

-You wanna go on social media?

Ride it, baby!

You wanna go in the ground?

Watch this.

Watch this.

Oh.

Fuck!

See what you've all done.

That's not smart.
He's tangled up under the car.

Smackin' Luke.

-Holy fuck.

We drove right over him.

-He is clearly
a psychological mess.

Let's just forget about him.

-What do you mean forget
about him?

He's right here, he's alive,

- he's not dead.
- Help.

-I don't think
that we can help him.

-Let's just get out of here.
-What are you--?

- I need a--I need a doctor!

He's not dead.

We can save him.
Maybe.

-I'm--I'm calling for help!
-Yes.

-Forget. Sleep.

-Elizabeth! Stop!

-I think we can help him.

- Crazy bitches.

What the fuck is going on?

-Why isn't he dead?

- What do you mean?

I'm not dead?

-He's tangled up under the tire
and an axle,

so the whole lower half
of his body

is like one big tourniquet.

He's gonna burst no matter what
when he gets loose.

-Can I turn him?

-What's gotten into you?

You absolutely
cannot turn anyone.

We need to make him pop,
rip him apart,

and tear him out of there.

-What?

-You're so fucking messy, Joan.

Getting the guys to literally
light your ass on fire,

that's what triggered
this whole mess.

-I was trying to be dreamy.

Now go do what you do
and let's get out of here.

- Ma'am, freeze.
Freeze, ma 'am.

- Help.

-As you can see,
there's been a little accident.

Hey, sir, I need...he--help.

-Are you ladies prostitutes?

-I'm not a prostitute.

How does a mortally
injured man...

-I need a doctor.

-...screaming under
the front tire of my car

even relate to prostitution.

-Well, you're going
to be charged with a crime.

-Oh.

-I'm just not sure
which one yet.

-I'm not dead.
I need help.

-Point your gun at your partner.

-Okay.
-Yeah, right.

-Put two bullets in his chest
and one in his head.

- Now place the gun
up against your own head.

-Okay.

-Pull the trigger.

-Okay.

-Please, please.
Where is my phone?

I need to call my wife,
my ex-wife.

-I don't think you need to worry
about calling anyone anymore.

I want to talk to him
about his death experience.

-What? I'm not dead?

-Hey, Luke. You're okay.

- No, no.

You know you're really
so much better off than us.

-Oh.

- You're going
to another place and...

we're stuck here indefinitely.

Well, Luke,
do you believe in God?

-Yes.

-What about hell or the devil?

-I don't...
I don't know.

-Do you think you'll go
to heaven?

-Yes. I just came here
looking for love.

- Joan, what's going on
with you tonight?

- I just want
to see my kids.

- Drinking straight liquor,

having sex with him,
and now this?

Let's get on with it.

-I'm not hungry.

- Kill him.

-Angel, angel.

I see green, green angels.

- Kill him.

Do you like having
such a short, meaningless life?

What do you even think
you can accomplish?

-You're damned.

Your soul is trapped here.

-You're gonna go blank soon.

And I'm just gonna go on
hanging out with my friends.

You can't do this to me,
Elizabeth.

I won't let you.

-Where the hell is Luke?

-He started whining
about his ex-wife, Aretha,

and then he ran back
to your hotel.

-I know what it was.
I guarantee you,

he'll will be here
tomorrow night.

-Mm...Doubt it.

You should have seen the look
in his eyes when he left.

-Yeah, it was kind of intense.

-I will tell you--

-Whoa. You all right?

Hey.
- Oh.

-You okay there?

-Why don't I remember
Luke leaving?

'Cause I have a very
high alcohol tolerance.

So it just doesn't
make sense to me.

- Maybe it's the jet lag
and the absinthe mixed.

Whoa! Ho-ho-ho!

- Hey, aggressive.

- Hmm.

-Elizabeth, can I take Randall
in the bathroom?

-Sure.

-You two need to share.

I haven't eaten all night.

-Yeah.

Here you go.
Real tiger.

-Ooh, baby.

-Yeah.

- Beautiful.

What's this?

- Ah, it's just
Luke's phone.

-No, the picture.

-Oh, it's his ex-wife
and kids.

God, why does he still have that
as his lock screen?

He's torturing himself this guy.

Jesus. You all right?

Ah! Ah! Fuck.

-What are you doing?

-What do you mean,
what am I doing?

You just did something to me.

You triggered me to have
a heart attack, didn't you?

-That's superstitious
for a lawyer

with a psychology degree.

I don't believe
that could happen.

-Call 911.

You did something to me,
dammit.

-What, are you scared?

Do you think you're going
to heaven or hell?

-I said call 911,
you psycho bitch!

-Don't fucking talk
to me like that.

-I'm sorry, princess, baby.

Please just call 911, okay?

-Do you think they have laws
in heaven?

I mean, they only have
good people in heaven,

so they don't really need
a lawyer there.

-You're murdering me.

You're fucking murdering me.

- How does it feel?

I mean you've
defended murderers.

Have you ever gotten
a serial killer off?

-What are you talking about?

I'm a lawyer
for a marketing firm.

I studied consumer psychology,
woman.

-Oh, yeah?

Consume this.

- Wait, no! No!
- Drink.

Drink.

Yeah!

-The sentries have been
very costly.

And I still have
to pay the devil.

- Oh.

How are you feeling, Malcolm?

Malcolm?

-Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Let me--let me get
a video of you.

You look so cool right now.

Haa!

-Ra--Randall, do you s--?

Where--where's Randall?

-I'm here.

You're just drunk, buddy.

- Oh, come on man.

Did you see what she did
to my phone?

And I think something happened
to Luke, bro.

We got to get out of here.

- Ah, you worry too much.

Chill out, man.
It's all good.

-Stop bouncing around
like a little pony.

Joan, did you turn Randall?

-Well, I mean, he was really
endearing in the bathroom

and it just happened.

I know.

-What were you thinking?

We haven't turned anyone
in hundreds of years.

-I was lonely and depressed

and you wouldn't
let me turn Luke.

He's not Randall anymore.

He's a Ramsey the Devil.

- No!

-You can't just get drunk
and turn some dude

and say that you made the devil.

Only God can make the devil.

-Now, he's Ramsey the Devil
either way.

-And we just let that guy go.

This is getting chaotic.

-He won't go far.

-Ugh. Fucking hurts.

-You stay here
and watch over him

as he finishes turning
into Ramsey the Devil.

Okay, I can do that.

- Help! Help me!

Help! Somebody!

- Slow down.

-Don't you want to have sex
with us?

It's starting
to hurt my feelings.

Wait!

We want to help you!

-Help me?

You're changing color
and you set my phone on fire!

Oh, you're just drunk.

- What? What?

Help! Somebody!

- What's going on?

What are you doin'?

You're killing me?

You're burying me alive?

-Don't worry,
you're already not alive.

-I'm not?

What am I then?

-If a thing loves,
it is infinite.

-Huh?

- You're heavy and costly,
and you have a lot of time.

-What?
That doesn't make any sense.

- No!
- Hey, help!

Help! Somebody!

Please! Open the door.

Help me! Help me!

- Do you still want
to have sex with us?

Or do you want us
to end your weird life

before sex instead of after?

- No!

-Were you baptized?

-Or circumcised?

-Someone! Help me!

-Oh, he's going to be
a tasty treat.

-Why do you want to have sex
all the time?

You can't fall in love.

You're not somebody.

-What, I'm nobody?

We're nothing?

That's it?

-Yeah.

- Elizabeth, can you sleep
in the coffin with me today?

-Oh!

-I'm feeling sick and empty.

-What? Joan, look.

We're letting him crawl away.

You're not listening to me.

-Help! Please!

I won't stay! Ah!

-This just isn't doing anything
for me anymore.

-What do you mean?

-It's not getting me off
or turning me on at all.

-Well, do you want
to torture him or something?

-Don't! Please, help me!

- Are we supposed to just keep
doing this forever?

-I don't know.
Yeah.

Let's just get this over with.

It's gonna be dawn.

- Hurry. Hurry.

-What?

-We haven't almost gotten caught
in the dawn in over a century.

Joan, what are you doing?
Get in here.

Joan.

-I don't feel anything anymore.

-What?

-I want to see the sunrise.

Come with me.

You said we could sleep
in the same coffin together.

-You're being crazy.

- Get in here now.
- I'm not crazy.

- Elizabeth--
- Get in here.

- Come with me, please.
- Joan.

- Please. It'll be so beautiful.
- No--

- Come on.

-Don't do this, Joan.
Don't leave me.

- Please.
- Joan.

- I'm sorry. I have to.
- No. No.

JOAN! JOAN! JOAN!

Oh, my God.

- I'll go somewhere.

It's so beautiful.

-We put the devil to sleep.

Where is Joan?

The sky is red as fire by now.

-Joan went crazy
and destroyed herself.

-What?

-We made it back to the bar
just as the sun was coming up

and Joan just turned around
and ran off into the daylight.

-I'm not feeling well.

I'm hungry.

-Let's make a steak
and drink some ice water.

It's going to be a long night.

Albert's not getting here
until tomorrow morning.

-Are you scared of me?

-I feel fucked up.

I need to get a bottle of vodka
to get through this,

then we can have steak.

We're not supposed
to go out tonight.

It's the eclipse.

-I'll be back in five minutes.

- The mischief.

Oh, I do feel it.

I'm a devil tonight.

Oh, yeah.

Ramsey the Devil,
it's a perfect night

every night
with Ramsey the Devil.

-Let's do this.

-I'm Ramsey the Devil tonight
and every night.

Whooh! Yeah!

- Weow!

- Stupid glitching
smart technology.

My phone really wants me
to talk to this guy Ramsey.

-This is a weird glitch.

- Hey there.

-You didn't cause it,
did you?

- No, I didn't.

Aren't these apps just designed
to connect people anyway?

-Yeah. I suppose they are.

- Maybe it's a sign.

Or maybe the smart technology
wanted us to meet up.

-Okay, I'm bored enough
to meet you.

I've been in my apartment
for days.

- What about that restaurant
Annabelle's downtown?

They're open late.

-Oh, of course.
I love that place.

- You want to meet me there
in a half hour?

-Perfect.
Can you order for me?

I think I might be
a couple minutes late.

-Of course I can.
I'll see you soon.

- Hey.
- Hi, Ramsey.

-Yes. How are you?
-Hey.

-Please, please.

Well, this is...

nice and unexpected.

-I know, right?

Yeah, I wasn't even gonna
come out tonight either,

but I'm glad I did.

You look even nicer in person.

-Thank you.

So pizza and absinthe,
those are brave choices.

-It's a brave new world.

-Cheers.
-Cheers.

-Ah.

-You have such a pretty smile.

-Oh. Thank you.
So do you.

-I didn't know they
had absinthe here.

- I know, odd, right?
Yeah.

They--they do.

-It's funny.

-Come on right up.

- Whoa.
- Goddamnit!

-Come on, you wanna go?

Ah!

-Whoa.
-Fuck you.

Everyone's going berserk.

-Let's get out of here.

- Whoa.

- Alexis?

Fuck.

-I've never seen anything
like that before.

- No, that was pretty extreme.

-Yeah, that wasn't
just a bar fight.

It erupted too quickly
and with too much energy,

and people were stabbing
each other in the throats

with forks.

-Yeah, it
wasn't just a bar fight.

Nah, you're right.

-Doesn't make any sense.

I mean, I walked out
holding my drink.

-Well, you were probably
just in shock.

-Sure.

-Hey, come check this out.

It's pretty cool in here.

- What a night, huh?

- Mm-hmm.

- Hm.

Sure is a beautiful night.

Look at that moon.

- Ramsey,
where are we going?

-I just thought we needed
to calm down a bit

after all that.

This place is beautiful here.

What could be mellower
than here, right?

-Why don't we call it a night?
Talk later.

- I don't think so.

I'm Ramsay the Devil, baby.

Let's just get this awkward
first kiss over with, shall we?

Come on!

You can't hurt me!

This is your lucky night
with Ramsey the Devil, baby.

Every night's a lucky night
with me!

-You suspicious weirdo.

I suspected you might
be a blood-sucking fiend

and that was half
the reason I came out.

-Oh, yeah?

What's the other half?

-That doesn't matter now.

And I know they
don't serve absinthe

at that Italian restaurant.

-Shut up.

I'm Ramsey the Devil.

I'm gonna eat you up,
little girl.

- Really?
- Yeah!

-It's your lucky night, baby.

Oh yeah.

-I'm Ramsey the Devil.

-Oh, this shit is solid silver.

See, I know what I'm doing.

I'm gonna send you
back to hell.

-I was never in hell.

-Right were you belong?
Oh.

Well, I hope you like
inviting innocent girls out

to dinner in hell.

Because that's where you'll
be eating the rest

of your hot meals.

I guess that's it for you.

Dating is really
dangerous nowadays.

You never know
what you can get out there...

Ramsey the Devil.

- I'm Ramsey the Devil.

-Hmm.

Ah. Ah.

Elizabeth!
That's you, isn't it?

-Yes, it's me.

-Why don't you come out
and fight?

Oh, it won't be a fight.

You destroyed my new friend

and I'm getting tired
of losing friends.

That was your friend?

That guy sucked!

-Stupid intelligence officer.

What are you doing?

You're not even supposed
to be out tonight.

- Bye-bye, sugar pie.

-Oh, come on.

-I've wasted a lot of time.

Now you're going to die.

-Get this thing off me.

-Come on.

No. No, no, no.

-You know you're lucky.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm.

You're about to go to the
Kingdom of Paradise, right?

-I don't want to.

-While me...
I'll just linger here forever.

-You could pray for redemption.

I could give you peace.

-Sshh.
See the stairway to heaven.

-There you are.

-You can't resist me.

Embrace me.

-I'm gonna mutilate you.

- Alexis was dead,
and the long nights were back.

The old nights.

The broken nights,

the all or nothing nights,

the nights of blood and tears.

-Don't think about me,
happy thoughts.

Happy thoughts.

-What are we gonna do now?

Just open the bar
without Joan like normal?

-Calm down.

Things can't just stop.

-Maybe they should stop.

Just gonna go on
like nothing happened?

- Snap out of it.

You can't just leave me
here completely alone

for eternity with Chuck.

I know.

I'm just having a moment.

There's only two
of us left. And Chuck.

What are we supposed to do?

-We can just turn one
or two more girls.

-We're not gonna be able
to replace Joan.

I have my date tonight
with the other hunter,

and she already shot me
with a silver bullet.

-Shot you?
I thought you killed the hunter.

-That was a different hunter.

- Are you sure?

How many female hunters
can there be in this town?

-Well, there was at least two
because I just killed one

and then the one
I've been dating

just showed up out of nowhere
and shot me.

- All the chips
were on the table.

It was time to roll the dice
under one last full moon.

I only needed one victory
to redeem myself

from a lifetime of defeats.

-Focus on subduing her
and turning her.

- Just finish my makeup
and then I'll call her.

- I know you've been right here
in town all along.

Invite me out
to Club Silver Paradise

for our date,
like we planned.

-Meet me at the club.

It's as close to paradise
as you're ever gonna get.

- Thanks for reminding me.

I'll see you there.

What's wrong?

Don't you want to live forever

forever, forever,
forever?

- The devil was ready
for the violent goodbye.

No more hide and seek.
No more happy thoughts.

I had to get close
and make her bleed.

You killed everybody.

-I know.

This place is dead
and soon you will be too.

Did I mention how hot you look
with those pistols?

You know I just lost
a friend too.

We'd been together
for hundreds of years.

-Go to hell.

-I'm already in it.

Gotta shoot me.

You're a pretty good shot,
but not good enough.

Now, it's my turn.

Eternity doesn't mean much

if you don't have someone
to share it with.

-Well,
what are you waiting for?

-You remind me of Joan.

-I'm not Joan!
Ah!

-This can go one of two ways,
Cora.

I could just kill you,
and when you die,

it will be an endless sleep
where there's nothing.

Or I could turn you,
and we could be friends forever.

-Burn in hell!

-What do you really have
to live for anyway.

-Puppy dogs and ice cream.

I don't know.

-Do you want to have a drink
and talk about it?

-Guess I'm out of options.

-You're not.

-It's supposed to be
a date anyway.

-You're gonna go blank soon.

-I'm okay, you know?

That bitch in front
of you is damned.

I'm fine.

-What does it feel like?

-Well, it definitely feels
really good at first.

-Feels good at first?

How about after this?

How's this feel at first?

Now you're as close
to paradise as you'll ever be.

-Jesus, I thought you'd be
either dead or damned

by the time we got here.

-War is a game best played
with a grin.

And you've done a noble job.

-I don't know what noble means.

You're late.

-Let's sweep the bar.

-There are no survivors.

Wasn't I so passionate

about wanting
to kill Elizabeth Bathory

that I fell in love with her?

Maybe killing her was the only
happy thing I could think of.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Did I drink the blood?

- You drank the blood.
You drank the blood.

- You're right.

I drank the blood.

I drank the blood,
drank the blood, the blood.

- The memories
would remain shuffled

like an old deck of cards.

And the story untold like
a dream that was too sweet.

The cold forever night
was finally grinning

and touching my neck
with its salty breath.

I became the devil's concubine.

A servant...

of the Countess...

Elizabeth Bathory.

- Hello.

- You look nice.

I'm hungry and cold.

I want you to hug me
and take me out to dinner.