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1
00:00:07,221 --> 00:00:10,021
# Where does our love lie ?
2
00:00:10,741 --> 00:00:13,541
# In the middle of nowhere
3
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:16,581
# Will it soon pass me by ?
4
00:00:16,821 --> 00:00:19,621
# In the middle of nowhere
5
00:00:19,621 --> 00:00:22,421
# Baby, won't you tell me
6
00:00:22,741 --> 00:00:25,141
# What am I to do ?
7
00:00:25,141 --> 00:00:27,541
# I'm in the middle of nowhere
8
00:00:27,541 --> 00:00:30,341
# Getting nowhere with you #
9
00:00:34,781 --> 00:00:38,781
He comes across as sensitive,
know what I mean ?
10
00:00:38,781 --> 00:00:42,341
No. (GIGGLES)
You don't see that every day.
11
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,261
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure he's single, too.
12
00:00:46,261 --> 00:00:48,061
(GASPS)
13
00:00:49,061 --> 00:00:51,661
So what you gonna do about it ?
14
00:00:51,861 --> 00:00:54,501
Should I make a move ?
15
00:00:54,501 --> 00:00:56,301
(GIGGLES)
16
00:00:56,301 --> 00:00:58,101
Go for it.
17
00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:08,221
# Ta-ra-ra bumps-a-day
My knickers flew away
18
00:01:08,621 --> 00:01:11,941
# They went on holiday
They came back yesterday
19
00:01:12,741 --> 00:01:16,501
# I wear them every day
Apart from today
20
00:01:16,501 --> 00:01:20,341
# They're in my pocket
Hip hip hip hip hooray #
21
00:01:23,021 --> 00:01:26,821
Shit. I forgot the words.
Do you think he noticed ?
22
00:01:49,301 --> 00:01:52,101
Melanie. What are you doing ?
23
00:01:54,621 --> 00:01:57,341
(NERVOUSLY) Stacking shelves.
24
00:01:57,341 --> 00:02:01,981
What with ?
25
00:01:58,741 --> 00:02:01,981
I kn.. I know what you're gonna say.
26
00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:01,981
What ?
27
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:07,781
That I shouldn't have done
Toilet Duck on all the shelves.
28
00:02:07,781 --> 00:02:11,781
Every shelf, on every aisle,
in the whole supermarket.
29
00:02:11,941 --> 00:02:16,421
Yeah.
30
00:02:13,621 --> 00:02:16,421
The place is stacked with Toilet Duck
31
00:02:16,421 --> 00:02:20,421
Is it ?
32
00:02:17,421 --> 00:02:20,421
Yeah, it is.
33
00:02:18,421 --> 00:02:20,421
Sorry.
34
00:02:20,581 --> 00:02:26,021
What you thinking of ?
35
00:02:21,701 --> 00:02:26,021
I was thinking... then I started
thinking about something else.
36
00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:28,301
You've Toilet Ducked the place.
37
00:02:29,181 --> 00:02:32,621
I must have got distracted.
I'm sorry.
38
00:02:32,621 --> 00:02:35,021
Sorry isn't good enough.
39
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:38,821
Where's all the potatoes,
the shampoos, the... ?
40
00:02:38,821 --> 00:02:44,221
I could get fired from head office.
If I'd done this, I'd be crying.
41
00:02:45,181 --> 00:02:50,141
How do you think the customers
will react when they see all this ?
42
00:02:50,141 --> 00:02:52,141
Quite surprised ?
43
00:02:53,141 --> 00:02:55,221
Supermarkets don't sell one thing !
44
00:02:55,781 --> 00:02:57,861
I thought it would run out.
45
00:02:59,301 --> 00:03:01,301
I'll unstack it.
46
00:03:03,621 --> 00:03:06,141
I'll have to sack you.
47
00:03:07,741 --> 00:03:10,141
(DUCK VOICE) Quack quack.
48
00:03:10,541 --> 00:03:13,341
(HIGH VOICE) Please don't sack me.
49
00:03:13,621 --> 00:03:16,421
Doesn't help anyone that, does it ?
50
00:03:16,861 --> 00:03:18,861
(QUIETLY) No.
51
00:03:31,021 --> 00:03:33,581
(TALKING QUIETLY)
52
00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:36,101
Excuse me.
53
00:03:36,381 --> 00:03:38,821
Oh, hello. I'm Before.
54
00:03:38,821 --> 00:03:40,821
Hello. I'm After.
55
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:44,861
Can we help you at all with...
56
00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:44,861
BOTH: ..a new range of... colours ?
57
00:03:49,621 --> 00:03:52,421
I'm looking for a self-help book.
58
00:03:56,101 --> 00:03:57,901
Thanks.
59
00:03:58,101 --> 00:04:03,101
I'm after something for a woman...
who's in her 30s, maybe called Jan...
60
00:04:03,101 --> 00:04:07,981
..who's in a long-term relationship,
possibly too long term.
61
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:12,501
Should she stay with the man and have
children or start again and move on ?
62
00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:17,021
Have you read Should You Stay
With A Man And Have Children Or
Start Again And Move On ?
63
00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:20,021
Yeah, I thought it was a bit vague.
64
00:04:20,021 --> 00:04:23,821
I want something about selfish men
called Bob,...
65
00:04:23,821 --> 00:04:28,421
..who are married with kids,
and don't want more children.
66
00:04:28,421 --> 00:04:30,621
Bob And How To Survive Him ?
67
00:04:30,621 --> 00:04:34,781
Didn't help.
68
00:04:31,621 --> 00:04:34,781
Dumping Bob ?
69
00:04:32,621 --> 00:04:34,781
If only.
70
00:04:34,781 --> 00:04:39,141
The Inner Jan ?
71
00:04:36,341 --> 00:04:39,141
Scary ! Something more practical ?
72
00:04:39,141 --> 00:04:43,501
Delia Smith's Cooking For Jan ?
73
00:04:41,141 --> 00:04:43,501
Not that practical.
74
00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:48,501
Something about Jan moving to
the Lake District and becoming a vet.
75
00:04:48,501 --> 00:04:51,701
Gorgeous boyfriend,
who could be a vet, too.
76
00:04:51,701 --> 00:04:56,701
With a chapter on how it can get
hectic, but it's saving animals !
77
00:04:56,701 --> 00:05:01,701
Land Rover, snow, friends who bring
round stew, babies. Who knows ?
78
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:05,421
Have you got a book
on how to become that ?
79
00:05:05,421 --> 00:05:07,421
Just go, Jan.
80
00:05:07,421 --> 00:05:10,741
Just Go, Jan. Yes !
I like the sound of that !
81
00:05:10,741 --> 00:05:12,741
It's not a book.
82
00:05:24,101 --> 00:05:26,621
Steve, tell us about that goal.
83
00:05:26,621 --> 00:05:30,221
Darren played a great ball
and I was at the end of it.
84
00:05:30,221 --> 00:05:33,021
And how did you feel ? Fulfilled ?
85
00:05:33,021 --> 00:05:37,821
Yeah. Darren played a great ball and
I got a toe on it and it went in.
86
00:05:37,821 --> 00:05:42,861
But how did you feel ? Here for the
first time against your old club ?
87
00:05:42,861 --> 00:05:45,861
What was in your heart and soul ?
88
00:05:45,861 --> 00:05:50,221
Darren played a great ball, and
I was just there on the end of it.
89
00:05:50,221 --> 00:05:53,141
We're talking about the last minute.
90
00:05:53,141 --> 00:05:56,901
Something deep, raw,
emotional in you.
91
00:05:56,901 --> 00:06:00,061
What I'm asking is how did you feel?
92
00:06:00,701 --> 00:06:03,501
Darren played a great ball through..
93
00:06:03,501 --> 00:06:07,301
No, no, no !
Just tell me how you felt !
94
00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:10,101
I er...
95
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,101
Yes ?
96
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:15,861
I thought...
97
00:06:13,061 --> 00:06:15,861
Not "thought". Felt !
98
00:06:18,741 --> 00:06:23,701
I felt...
99
00:06:20,701 --> 00:06:23,701
Yes, tell me. What did you feel ?
100
00:06:25,781 --> 00:06:27,781
I felt...
101
00:06:27,781 --> 00:06:29,781
Oh, God !
102
00:06:30,701 --> 00:06:35,701
Yes, I know it's hard. Let it all
come out. Let it all come out.
103
00:06:37,061 --> 00:06:39,061
I fe... felt...
104
00:06:39,821 --> 00:06:42,421
Oh, why do I hate my mother ?
105
00:06:44,581 --> 00:06:48,381
I shouldn't hate my mother,
should I ?
106
00:06:51,021 --> 00:06:54,941
That was a wonderful party.
107
00:06:52,821 --> 00:06:54,941
Yes, it was.
108
00:06:55,941 --> 00:06:58,821
And you looked absolutely stunning.
109
00:06:58,821 --> 00:07:02,781
Did I ?
110
00:07:00,181 --> 00:07:02,781
Yes. You did.
111
00:07:08,901 --> 00:07:11,701
LONG AND LOUD FART
112
00:07:13,021 --> 00:07:15,421
(GIGGLES) Windypops !
113
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,421
(SIGHS) Cabbage bottom !
114
00:07:20,421 --> 00:07:23,021
(LAUGHS) You're so gorgeous.
115
00:07:26,341 --> 00:07:28,341
CHAINS RATTLE
116
00:07:29,261 --> 00:07:31,261
FLY BUZZES
117
00:07:33,781 --> 00:07:38,021
Jonathan ?
118
00:07:34,781 --> 00:07:38,021
Yep.
119
00:07:35,781 --> 00:07:38,021
Jonathan ?!
120
00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:40,941
How many times have you been told ?
121
00:07:40,941 --> 00:07:44,381
Tell me really.
122
00:07:42,181 --> 00:07:44,381
I am called Jonathan.
123
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:48,901
She has every day for three years !
She is called Jonathan !
124
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:53,021
Bollocks !
125
00:07:49,901 --> 00:07:53,021
(SIGHS)
126
00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:53,021
Is it only three years ?
127
00:07:54,381 --> 00:07:57,901
Have you got ID ?
128
00:07:55,621 --> 00:07:57,901
Course not ! I'm a hostage !
129
00:07:57,901 --> 00:07:59,901
OK, look, shush.
130
00:07:59,901 --> 00:08:04,981
I spy with my... imagination
something beginning with SS.
131
00:08:04,981 --> 00:08:08,141
Sea sick.
132
00:08:05,981 --> 00:08:08,141
Yeah.
133
00:08:09,861 --> 00:08:11,861
CHAINS RATTLE
134
00:08:12,781 --> 00:08:16,501
These are excellent references.
135
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,501
Thank you.
136
00:08:16,501 --> 00:08:22,101
Four languages, Microsoft Word,
HGV licence, contact with the public.
137
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:25,381
There's one thing that isn't here.
138
00:08:23,901 --> 00:08:25,381
What ?
139
00:08:25,581 --> 00:08:27,581
Are you lovely ?
140
00:08:28,981 --> 00:08:31,581
Yes. I am... lovely.
141
00:08:31,821 --> 00:08:36,301
How lovely on a scale of 1 to 10 ?
142
00:08:34,301 --> 00:08:36,301
S-six. Seven !
143
00:08:37,061 --> 00:08:43,261
Good. We insist that our employees
are always lovely,
and I think you are - lovely.
144
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:45,061
Thank you.
145
00:08:49,621 --> 00:08:52,301
That's what we'd start you off on.
146
00:08:52,301 --> 00:08:55,101
Some feel they may not be so lovely.
147
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,221
That's not a problem.
148
00:08:57,221 --> 00:09:03,341
Really ?
149
00:08:58,101 --> 00:09:03,341
Absolutely. Er, that'd be lovely.
150
00:08:59,781 --> 00:09:03,341
Lovely ! I'll see you on Monday.
151
00:09:03,341 --> 00:09:05,141
Lovely.
152
00:09:06,941 --> 00:09:08,941
# MELLOW MUSIC
153
00:10:10,581 --> 00:10:12,581
SIREN
154
00:10:14,621 --> 00:10:16,621
WPC Barnes ?
155
00:10:18,621 --> 00:10:22,101
This has got to stop, Melanie.
156
00:10:20,421 --> 00:10:22,101
What ?
157
00:10:22,101 --> 00:10:24,821
I've had a call from Mrs Arlow.
158
00:10:25,021 --> 00:10:29,741
PC Kane.
I believe this involves you, as well.
159
00:10:33,021 --> 00:10:37,461
< I think you'd better tell me
what happened.
160
00:10:37,461 --> 00:10:40,861
Well, we arrived at Midmoor Drive
at 11.28.
161
00:10:40,861 --> 00:10:45,661
Mrs Arlow answered
and she was surprised to see us.
162
00:10:45,661 --> 00:10:49,981
We said "Can we come in ?"
and she said yes, so we went in.
163
00:10:49,981 --> 00:10:55,581
We sat her down and said we were
sorry but we had found her husband.
164
00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:57,701
And that he was dead.
165
00:10:57,981 --> 00:10:59,981
Right, go on.
166
00:10:59,981 --> 00:11:04,981
She became distressed and wanted
to know how, so we told her.
167
00:11:04,981 --> 00:11:08,461
We told her about
the multiple stabbing.
168
00:11:08,461 --> 00:11:13,061
And you did all this with your faces
painted like Spanky The Weasel ?
169
00:11:13,061 --> 00:11:17,581
We thought it would soften the blow,
brighten things up.
170
00:11:17,581 --> 00:11:21,821
Things aren't so bad after all.
171
00:11:19,381 --> 00:11:21,821
BOTH: Grrr !
172
00:11:21,821 --> 00:11:25,741
I must check this.
You then painted her face ?
173
00:11:25,741 --> 00:11:27,541
Yeah.
174
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:33,541
She sort of went into shock,
we didn't know what to do, so we...
175
00:11:33,541 --> 00:11:41,541
Gave her a Spider Man.
176
00:11:35,541 --> 00:11:41,541
She's extremely angry.
177
00:11:37,101 --> 00:11:41,541
Is she ? She was rocking
back and forth like that.
178
00:11:41,541 --> 00:11:44,781
It's hard to get the webbing
straight.
179
00:11:44,781 --> 00:11:47,581
You could still tell it was Spidey.
180
00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:51,381
It was an interesting idea,
taken too far.
181
00:11:51,381 --> 00:11:55,941
This was grossly insensitive
and very, very... bad.
182
00:11:56,901 --> 00:12:02,501
Ma'am, in our defence, when we were
painting Mrs Arlow as Spider Man...
183
00:12:02,501 --> 00:12:07,501
..and she was doing that, and Greg
was trying to hold her still,...
184
00:12:07,501 --> 00:12:12,021
..and the red was going down
her neck and...
185
00:12:12,021 --> 00:12:14,821
..it was very, very funny.
186
00:12:17,621 --> 00:12:20,061
Just lose the zoo !
187
00:12:26,101 --> 00:12:29,101
I think she's very angry this time.
188
00:12:29,101 --> 00:12:32,101
On a scale of one to ten, she's nine
189
00:12:32,101 --> 00:12:34,901
She's nine, nine and a half.
190
00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:52,941
CHAINS RATTLE
191
00:12:53,581 --> 00:12:55,621
# ARAB MUSIC
192
00:12:55,821 --> 00:13:00,821
Did you change your name to Jonathan
so you could join a golf club ?
193
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:04,901
Can you actually,
can you just stop it now !
194
00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:09,861
You'd think I had a beard
or something.
195
00:13:06,261 --> 00:13:09,861
You as good as do.
196
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:15,821
Are you like the man
in a lesbian relationship ?
197
00:13:11,661 --> 00:13:15,821
No !
198
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:15,821
Oh, God ! I can't stand it !
199
00:13:15,821 --> 00:13:20,821
If she was, then that would be OK,
would it ?
200
00:13:17,821 --> 00:13:20,821
Yeah ! It would be better.
201
00:13:22,741 --> 00:13:24,541
Jonathan ?
202
00:13:24,541 --> 00:13:28,381
What is wrong with being called
Jonathan ?
203
00:13:28,381 --> 00:13:30,981
Will you stop doing that ?
204
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:33,381
It is so irritating !
205
00:13:33,381 --> 00:13:35,901
You used to like that.
206
00:13:35,901 --> 00:13:38,661
That was before we found out her name
207
00:13:38,661 --> 00:13:41,461
No-one's ever asked me my name.
208
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,701
(SARCASTICALLY) What's your name ?
209
00:13:44,701 --> 00:13:46,501
Mark.
210
00:13:52,421 --> 00:13:56,061
Hello. My name's Clare.
I'm self-employed.
211
00:13:56,661 --> 00:14:03,341
I like... volleyball, backgammon and,
er, mucking around in the garden.
212
00:14:03,341 --> 00:14:08,341
Erm... that's it really.
Er, oh, I live in Epping.
213
00:14:08,341 --> 00:14:10,341
(Is that right ?)
214
00:14:12,941 --> 00:14:17,941
(WEST COUNTRY) Hello, there. My name
is Eric and I work as a bus driver.
215
00:14:18,061 --> 00:14:26,501
My hobbies include darts,
crosswords... watching television.
216
00:14:27,821 --> 00:14:32,621
I'm quite interested in finding
the right lady, settling down.
217
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:36,621
I think I'd make a good husband
and father.
218
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:39,501
I'm not a woman.
219
00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:42,501
Not.
220
00:14:45,261 --> 00:14:50,061
(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) I live in
this house with three artists.
221
00:14:50,061 --> 00:14:54,861
One's a bassist. She's kinda sweet.
Not very good.
222
00:14:57,301 --> 00:15:02,901
(AUSTRALIAN) You know, playing the
bass, right, is, well, it's my life.
223
00:15:03,141 --> 00:15:06,141
I live for playing the bass.
224
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:13,541
It's not really good for my ears
but I don't care. Just don't care.
225
00:15:14,861 --> 00:15:17,701
The other one's a ballet dancer.
226
00:15:17,701 --> 00:15:20,301
I don't like her... much.
227
00:15:21,901 --> 00:15:26,061
(AUSTRALIAN)
Who's been using my Clover ?
228
00:15:23,901 --> 00:15:26,061
What ?
229
00:15:26,061 --> 00:15:28,861
I wanna sandwich. There's no Clover.
230
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:32,941
What ?
231
00:15:29,861 --> 00:15:32,941
(ANGRY) There's no Clover !
232
00:15:32,941 --> 00:15:35,741
All right, I'll get some later.
233
00:15:36,541 --> 00:15:40,821
Even though it's not my turn. >
234
00:15:38,341 --> 00:15:40,821
I must have it now !
235
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:45,941
I have a punishing schedule.
I dance six/seven hours a day.
236
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:49,221
They don't understand.
237
00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:56,701
We've got a rapport together.
I guess because we're both musicians
238
00:15:56,701 --> 00:16:00,941
Rock and chamber music
aren't that different.
239
00:16:00,941 --> 00:16:05,101
But we really don't like
the ballet dancer.
240
00:16:05,101 --> 00:16:08,021
We don't like her.
241
00:16:06,101 --> 00:16:08,021
At all.
242
00:16:15,221 --> 00:16:20,061
'If you're chilling out, she always
pirouettes in front of you.'
243
00:16:20,061 --> 00:16:24,421
'Very inconsiderate.'
244
00:16:21,621 --> 00:16:24,421
'It's in your face.'
245
00:16:25,021 --> 00:16:27,821
She's so bendy, bending everywhere.
246
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:33,181
Ballet is the greatest physical high
247
00:16:33,181 --> 00:16:37,381
You can never understand.
I'm in constant pain.
248
00:16:38,421 --> 00:16:41,541
Hi, guys !
249
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,541
I'm not a guy !
250
00:16:41,541 --> 00:16:46,941
I am muscular because I am a dancer.
I am not a guy !
251
00:16:45,381 --> 00:16:46,941
What ?!
252
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:52,301
(WHIMPERS) Ow !
253
00:16:54,021 --> 00:16:58,781
I have to do this to my lips
because they get sore.
254
00:16:58,781 --> 00:17:01,181
My embouchure.
255
00:17:02,461 --> 00:17:05,061
Get up ! GET UP !
256
00:17:05,061 --> 00:17:09,821
I have to have Clover
for my embouchure.
257
00:17:07,821 --> 00:17:09,821
That is mine !
258
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:12,821
No, it's very sore.
259
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,821
Give it to me !
260
00:17:12,821 --> 00:17:15,381
I've got an exam tomorrow.
261
00:17:15,381 --> 00:17:17,781
Oh, good luck, mate. >
262
00:17:18,021 --> 00:17:20,421
# BASS GUITAR
263
00:17:20,461 --> 00:17:25,461
You know, if I die, I'd really...
I'd like to come back as Bill Wyman.
264
00:17:26,381 --> 00:17:28,781
It'd be so cool.
265
00:17:29,541 --> 00:17:32,341
I can play a bit like him, I think.
266
00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:36,301
FLUTE & BASS CLASH
267
00:17:43,581 --> 00:17:48,501
(POSH) I'm Tara,
and I shout my name during sex.
268
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,301
Not once, but over and over again.
269
00:17:51,301 --> 00:17:55,301
If I'm really enjoying myself,
I shout my whole name -
270
00:17:55,301 --> 00:17:58,981
..Tara Jane Elizabeth
Featherstonehaugh.
271
00:17:58,981 --> 00:18:01,061
And occasionally my nickname -
272
00:18:01,061 --> 00:18:02,861
..Mallard.
273
00:18:02,861 --> 00:18:05,661
If this is no problem, give me a ring
274
00:18:05,661 --> 00:18:09,061
Or, if you shout your name
during sex, ring me.
275
00:18:11,301 --> 00:18:14,421
(SEXY & SULTRY)
My name is Mar-cieee.
276
00:18:14,421 --> 00:18:16,421
I live in London.
277
00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:20,821
And I'm an independent film
mak-errrr.
278
00:18:21,061 --> 00:18:24,061
And I'm hot. I'm shit hot.
279
00:18:24,981 --> 00:18:29,981
And I want a man, I wanna man who...
who gorges himself (GROWLS) on today
280
00:18:29,981 --> 00:18:36,581
..after sicking up yesterday
and who has already ordered
double helpings of tomorrow.
281
00:18:36,581 --> 00:18:43,021
So, if you, you, you want to f-fuck
art, screw artifice, shag an artist,
282
00:18:43,621 --> 00:18:45,621
..call me.
283
00:18:45,621 --> 00:18:49,021
(NORMAL VOICE) And cut !
Fantastic. Thanks.
284
00:18:49,021 --> 00:18:51,061
It's a wrap.
285
00:18:53,621 --> 00:18:55,621
# ARAB MUSIC
286
00:18:56,621 --> 00:18:59,021
Did your parents...
287
00:18:59,021 --> 00:19:01,781
No, I've got two elder brothers.
288
00:19:01,781 --> 00:19:06,661
00:19:06,661
Andrew and Rufus.
290
00:19:06,661 --> 00:19:09,021
Rufus ? That's unusual.
291
00:19:09,021 --> 00:19:11,821
They're sort of hippy liberals.
292
00:19:11,821 --> 00:19:17,181
Is it a stage name ?
293
00:19:12,941 --> 00:19:17,181
No.
294
00:19:13,621 --> 00:19:17,181
Are you a Mormon ?
295
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:17,181
No.
296
00:19:17,181 --> 00:19:19,181
Twenty questions.
297
00:19:19,181 --> 00:19:23,661
Are you alive ?
298
00:19:21,101 --> 00:19:23,661
Yeah.
299
00:19:23,661 --> 00:19:25,661
Are you Elvis ?
300
00:19:26,261 --> 00:19:28,261
(HESITANT) Yeah.
301
00:19:30,981 --> 00:19:32,781
Excuse me.
302
00:19:32,781 --> 00:19:34,781
Madam, excuse me.
303
00:19:34,781 --> 00:19:37,781
Would you like to try some mace ?
304
00:19:38,541 --> 00:19:40,541
(GROANS & SCREAMS)
305
00:19:43,661 --> 00:19:46,821
I've got one, I've got one.
306
00:19:46,821 --> 00:19:49,421
(SQUEAKY) He-lp ! He-lp !
307
00:19:49,421 --> 00:19:53,021
(LOW) I'll get you
if it's the last thing I do !
308
00:19:53,021 --> 00:19:55,741
Wacky Races.
309
00:19:54,021 --> 00:19:55,741
And The Hooded Claw.
310
00:19:55,741 --> 00:19:58,101
What about this ?
# Aw ju-ju-ju-ju
311
00:19:58,101 --> 00:20:03,301
Clangers !
312
00:19:58,621 --> 00:20:03,301
LAUGHTER
313
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:03,301
Let me do it ! # Ju-ju-ju #
314
00:20:01,261 --> 00:20:03,301
Clangers !
315
00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:08,101
(HIGH VOICE) Heave ! Heave !
We will fix it ! We will fix it !
316
00:20:08,101 --> 00:20:12,341
Bagpuss, Bagpuss.
317
00:20:09,701 --> 00:20:12,341
OK, I've got one, right. >
318
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:15,741
(MONSTER VOICE)
I re-turn the lem-on !
319
00:20:18,461 --> 00:20:21,861
(MONSTER VOICE)
I re-turn the lem-on !
320
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:24,661
Fatty Cows.
321
00:20:24,821 --> 00:20:27,261
You must know Fatty Cows.
322
00:20:27,381 --> 00:20:29,181
Fatty Cows ?
323
00:20:29,181 --> 00:20:35,821
# Fatty Cows, Fatty Cows,
doesn't play with other sow-ows #
324
00:20:37,461 --> 00:20:39,261
No ?
325
00:20:39,941 --> 00:20:42,981
(MONSTER VOICE) Bomb the chicken !
326
00:20:42,981 --> 00:20:45,781
No ? It was brilliant, Fatty Cows.
327
00:20:46,781 --> 00:20:51,381
Maybe it's just an age thing,
cos I'm a bit younger.
328
00:20:51,581 --> 00:20:54,461
I remember it. Big cows, fat ones.
329
00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:55,861
Pigs.
330
00:20:58,181 --> 00:21:00,581
WIND HOWLS
331
00:21:19,261 --> 00:21:21,741
# ROCK MUSIC
332
00:21:38,421 --> 00:21:41,741
ALL: # Here I am on my big roof
333
00:21:42,221 --> 00:21:46,661
# It sure looks very empty
from your eyes
334
00:21:47,421 --> 00:21:51,621
# Nothing could be further
from the truth
335
00:21:51,821 --> 00:21:54,861
# There's a scooter
with three wheels
336
00:21:54,861 --> 00:22:00,021
# And a beach ball
with a stopper at one end
337
00:22:00,581 --> 00:22:04,141
# My friend found it
in a photo booth
338
00:22:11,021 --> 00:22:16,661
# What a stroke of luck she found it
339
00:22:17,021 --> 00:22:20,021
# I've got a beach ball
and a scooter
340
00:22:20,221 --> 00:22:23,621
# Oh, look,
is that the British Library ?
341
00:22:23,621 --> 00:22:26,221
# I'm having Haagen-Dazs
for breakfast
342
00:22:33,021 --> 00:22:34,421
# Le le le
343
00:22:34,421 --> 00:22:36,461
# Take me to the library
344
00:22:37,341 --> 00:22:39,621
# I wish I was a builder
345
00:22:39,621 --> 00:22:43,581
# Paaah-aah #
346
00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:46,781
Oh, Jimmy.
347
00:22:47,101 --> 00:22:49,101
Come round.
348
00:22:54,221 --> 00:22:56,221
Holly ?
349
00:22:56,621 --> 00:22:58,421
Phoebe ?
350
00:22:59,181 --> 00:23:00,981
Milly ?
351
00:23:01,621 --> 00:23:03,421
Rhianna ?
352
00:23:06,821 --> 00:23:08,621
Gemma ?
353
00:23:09,661 --> 00:23:11,461
Lorraine ?
354
00:23:12,581 --> 00:23:17,981
Paula ?
355
00:23:13,341 --> 00:23:17,981
Yeah ?
356
00:23:14,181 --> 00:23:17,981
Ha-ha ! Ha ! I knew !
357
00:23:16,021 --> 00:23:17,981
Oh ! Shit !
358
00:23:17,981 --> 00:23:20,981
Had you going, though.
359
00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:20,981
You cow !
360
00:23:22,021 --> 00:23:24,821
You played the plonker.
361
00:23:26,061 --> 00:23:28,781
We have a laugh, don't we ?
362
00:23:28,781 --> 00:23:31,181
That's not funny !
363
00:23:33,421 --> 00:23:37,421
(STUPID VOICE) Jonathan.
Were you born with that name...
364
00:23:37,421 --> 00:23:40,101
..or are there medical reasons?
365
00:23:40,101 --> 00:23:42,101
(ALL SIGH)
366
00:23:42,101 --> 00:23:44,621
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25614
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