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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,280 You should go and talk to someone. 2 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,360 Are you sleeping? 3 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,880 There's like, uh, like a service. 4 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,240 It's free. You might as well. 5 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,000 Connell? 6 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,240 Would you like to come with me? 7 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:01,360 Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, 8 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:05,160 five, four, three, two, one. 9 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,920 Happy New Year! 10 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,920 Happy New Year! Happy New Year. 11 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,280 Happy New Year, you. 12 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:43,440 Who is it? 13 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,920 Uh, it's just an old school friend. 14 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:50,400 You okay? 15 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,920 Uh, yeah. It's just a Happy New Year thing. 16 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,000 Happy New Year! 17 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,760 What do you mean? 18 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,600 Are you on your own? 19 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,440 No, I'm with Helen. What do you mean, a body? 20 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,400 Whose body, what? 21 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,560 Rob Hegarty, sweetheart. 22 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:17,360 They pulled a body out of the river this morning. 23 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:37,880 Okay, why don't we talk about how you're feeling. 24 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:44,280 Uh, yeah, not great. 25 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,160 I'm sorry to hear that. 26 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,960 When did you start feeling this way? 27 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,040 Uh... 28 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,840 a couple of months ago. 29 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,160 January, I suppose. 30 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,080 Okay. 31 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,400 Did something happen then, or did it just 32 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,240 come out of nowhere, do you feel? 33 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,240 A friend of mine killed himself in January. 34 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,320 A friend from school. 35 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,200 I'm very sorry to hear that, Connell. 36 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,000 We, we hadn't really kept up with each other after college. 37 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,200 'Cause he was, uh... 38 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,560 He was just back in Sligo 39 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,360 and I was up here and everything, and, um... 40 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,920 I guess I just feel guilty that I wasn't in touch with him more. 41 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,280 I can understand that. 42 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,280 But however you might be feeling about your friend, 43 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,360 what happened to him is not your fault. 44 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,600 You are not responsible for the decisions he made. 45 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,520 I never even replied to the last message he sent me. 46 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,080 When you lose someone to suicide, 47 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,960 it can be natural to wonder if there's any more you could have done 48 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,560 in order to help this person. 49 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,600 I'm sure everyone in your friend's life 50 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,720 is asking themselves the same questions now. 51 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,640 Yeah, but at least other people tried to help him. 52 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,480 He'd, uh, been drinking a fair bit. 53 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:27,680 He seemed a bit, um... you know, out of sorts, I guess. 54 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,560 Right. 55 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,320 Never wanted to go home, you know? 56 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,160 He always wanted one more. 57 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,560 Got into a few scraps. 58 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:43,440 Nothing serious, just... thought it was a laugh. 59 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,080 I tried talking to him, but... 60 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,120 You look handsome. 61 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,320 Ready, sweetheart? 62 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:53,720 Marianne. 63 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,080 Thank you. 64 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,960 - I'm so sorry. - Thanks for the colors. 65 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,360 You look great. 66 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,960 Thank you. 67 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,040 I'm so sorry. 68 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,240 Thanks, love. Thanks for coming. 69 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:58,760 Connell. Good man, good man. 70 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,840 I hear you're doing great things above in Trinity. 71 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,840 -So sorry. -Good man. 72 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,200 Thanks for coming. 73 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:11,160 Thank you. 74 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,080 How are things? 75 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,120 -Who's this? -Uh... 76 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,280 Helen. Uh, this is Eric. 77 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,360 -Girlfriend, is it? -Yeah. 78 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,160 Must be your fault this fella never comes home anymore. 79 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:56,600 No, it's not her fault. It's my fault. 80 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,560 I'm just messing. 81 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,840 Good of Marianne to come. 82 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,520 I thought she was off in Sweden or someplace. 83 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,840 Yeah, she was. She's back for the funeral. 84 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,320 She's gone very thin, hasn't she? 85 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,160 Here's herself. 86 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,240 Very good to have come all the way from Sweden, Marianne. 87 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,040 It's nice to see you. 88 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,400 Do you know Helen here? 89 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,680 Course I do. We were in college together. 90 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:36,920 Hello, Helen. 91 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,360 It's all friendly, I hope. 92 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,000 No rivalry, I mean. 93 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,600 Behave yourself now. 94 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,080 Why didn't you introduce me to any of your friends? 95 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,960 I introduced you to Eric, didn't I? 96 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,080 Only after he asked. 97 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,720 To be honest, you didn't seem like you really wanted him to meet me. 98 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,320 If you didn't want me to come, you shouldn't have asked me. 99 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,560 Okay, I'm sorry I asked you, then. 100 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,160 What does that mean? 101 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,080 -You're sorry I was there? -No. 102 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,640 I'm saying if you got the wrong impression 103 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,040 of what it was gonna be like, then I'm sorry. 104 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,360 You didn't want me there at all, did you? 105 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,680 I didn't want to be there myself, to be honest. 106 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:40,800 Look, I'm sorry you didn't have a good time. 107 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,040 But like, it was a funeral. 108 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,760 Don't really know what you expected. 109 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,880 Well, you weren't ignoring Marianne. 110 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,680 I wasn't ignoring anyone. 111 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,880 But you just seemed particularly happy to see her. 112 00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,720 -For fuck's sake, Helen. -What? 113 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,120 Why does every argument have to come back to this? 114 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,640 Our friend just killed himself, and now, you want to start 115 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,760 going at me about Marianne. Like, seriously? 116 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,440 And yeah. 117 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,760 I was happy to see her. Does that make me a monster? 118 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,960 I've been very sympathetic about Rob and you know that. 119 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,600 But what do you expect me to do? Just pretend I don't notice 120 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,440 you're staring at another woman in front of me. 121 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,440 No, I was not staring at her. You were, in the church. 122 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,080 It wasn't intentional. 123 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,520 Why do you have to act so weird around her? 124 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,280 How I act with her is my normal personality. 125 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,440 I'm... maybe I'm just a weird person. 126 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,400 Most of you will, I hope, 127 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,240 have picked up on the fact that... 128 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,800 This dismantling of the family trope is fairly radical. 129 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:36,280 The constitution itself quite literally defined the Irish... 130 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,680 Like I want to be there for you 131 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,320 but you just won't let me. 132 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,640 I have tried. 133 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:33,480 And I feel like I'm holding on to other, like, 134 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:37,960 frankly legitimate worries or whatever 135 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,800 that existed before all this. 136 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,400 Before you felt like this. 137 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,760 And I can't sit on them 'cause you're feeling so low. 138 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,240 That's just not fair. 139 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,240 I really care about you. 140 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,120 I hate seeing you like this. 141 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,080 But I don't think this is working anymore. 142 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,080 I don't know if this was all the way working before, and now... 143 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:11,320 all this is just like... 144 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,120 ...exacerbated it, and... 145 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,240 Okay. 146 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:22,720 I'm sorry. 147 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,640 I'm sorry too. 148 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,120 Do you have friends here in Dublin? 149 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,120 Anyone you're close with 150 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,320 that you might talk to about how you're feeling. 151 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,200 Um... 152 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,320 Niall, maybe. 153 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,520 He's the one who told me about this. 154 00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,280 Well, that's good. 155 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,280 He's looking out for you. 156 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,400 Niall. 157 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,360 Okay. 158 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,200 I have another friend that I'm pretty close with but, um... 159 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,680 she's on Erasmus this year. 160 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,280 I'm sorry. That sounds awful. 161 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,120 -I liked Helen. -Hmm. 162 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,720 I did. I genuinely did. 163 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:33,640 I know she wasn't entirely fond of me, but... 164 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,000 it's hard to ignore that she made you happy. 165 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,480 I, I don't know. 166 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:39,960 I don't feel anything. 167 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,240 Then I... 168 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,600 I find myself crying or having a panic attack 169 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,240 so presumably, I do feel it. Just, uh... 170 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,440 It just doesn't connect. 171 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:58,640 I understand. 172 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,520 I know you do. 173 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,200 I'm really tired. 174 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,600 You want to sleep? 175 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,080 We can keep Skype on. 176 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,560 Carry me over to your bed. 177 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,320 Is she a friend from college? 178 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,840 We were in school together. 179 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,520 But, uh, she's in Trinity as well. It's Marianne. 180 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,160 She knew Rob, our friend who died. 181 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,040 But, um... 182 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,240 she's away this year, like I said. 183 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,080 You're awake. 184 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,080 Morning. 185 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,880 Is she someone you might talk with about how you're feeling? 186 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,600 She's been supportive about it. 187 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:23,560 And she's, um... 188 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,560 She's hard to describe, if you don't know her. 189 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:30,880 She's, um... 190 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:33,880 she's really smart. 191 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:36,920 She's a lot smarter than me. 192 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:43,240 We, we see the world in a similar way. And, uh... 193 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,720 we've lived our life in the same place. 194 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,120 So obviously, it's, um... 195 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,920 It's a bit different being away from her. 196 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,040 -It sounds difficult. -Mm-hmm. 197 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:05,800 I don't really click with a lot of people. 198 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,000 I, I struggle with that, actually. 199 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,920 Do you think that's a new problem? 200 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,520 Or is it familiar to you? 201 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:19,600 Mm. 202 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,360 It's, uh, familiar. 203 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,560 I would say, um... 204 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,440 in school, I definitely felt that 205 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,960 feeling of isolation or whatever. But, um... 206 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:41,400 People seem to like me. Everything, and... 207 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,600 here, I don't think that, uh... 208 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,560 people like me that much. 209 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,600 Uh, like Rob, my friend who, uh... 210 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,160 um, I wouldn't say that we clicked 211 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,360 on a very deep level or anything. 212 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:11,040 But, um, we were friends. 213 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,680 And, uh... 214 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,320 I wouldn't say that we had a lot in common 215 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,560 in terms of interests or anything like that. 216 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,800 Definitely not politically, 217 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,560 if we ever really examined that. But, um... 218 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,440 That stuff didn't really matter in school. 219 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,160 'Cause we were, we were in the same 220 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,640 group of friends, so, you know? 221 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,680 I understand that. 222 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:46,040 And, uh, he... he did some stuff that I, uh... 223 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,120 I wouldn't have been a fan of, in terms of, like with girls. 224 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,360 But, uh... 225 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,440 We were 18, you know. We just, uh... 226 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,720 we acted like idiots, and, uh... 227 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,320 I think... 228 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,520 I felt a bit alienated with that stuff. 229 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,040 And, uh... 230 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,840 I think I think I thought if I... 231 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,320 moved here... 232 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,200 I'd fit in better. 233 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,120 I thought, um... 234 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,360 I'd meet more likeminded people but that just hasn't... 235 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:36,520 um... 236 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:53,200 I left Carricklea thinking I could have a different life. 237 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:02,160 But I... I hate it here and... 238 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,560 I can never go back. 239 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,000 Because those friendships are gone, and... 240 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:19,240 and Rob is gone and I, I can't see him again. 241 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:24,920 I can't get that life back. 242 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,680 I'm sorry. 243 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,640 You don't need to apologize. 244 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,640 She sounds nice. 245 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:36,280 -Yeah. -Sounds good. 246 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,160 Yeah. 247 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,640 Well done, Niall. 248 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:46,720 How do you feel now? 249 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,840 Uh, okay. 250 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,200 Just, um... 251 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,120 Flat, I guess. 252 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,200 Mm. 253 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:00,520 What? 254 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:05,840 Do you ever feel... 255 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,160 I don't know. 256 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,360 Angry? 257 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,480 Uh, about? 258 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,280 About Rob. 259 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:19,280 After the funeral, did you feel angry? 260 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,800 -With him? -No. 261 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,360 No, geez, no. 262 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:29,040 I know that's... that people feel that when someone... 263 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,160 I couldn't get off Facebook. 264 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,360 Everyone kept commenting on his wall. 265 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,440 -Yeah. -Like, it made me furious. 266 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:44,480 Like, what do they mean? 267 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:48,120 All these people, like advertising their loss like that. 268 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:52,560 And who's it for? Not Rob, obviously. 269 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,000 And, like, what's the etiquette there? 270 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,480 Should I be liking every comment on his wall? 271 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,000 Well, it sounds like you've worked through that anger. 272 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:01,360 No. 273 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,240 Of course, people can grieve how they want. 274 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,520 -Sorry. -I get it. 275 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,800 It feels a bit pointless. 276 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,000 Yeah, I think that's it. 277 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,040 And everyone kept talking about... 278 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,440 what a great person he was. 279 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:29,200 How full of life, what a devoted son, and I get it. 280 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,360 But what, was that him? 281 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:36,880 No. 282 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,080 He was insecure. 283 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,920 Obsessed with being liked. 284 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:49,480 I mean, I know I can talk. But... 285 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,320 I miss you. 286 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,560 I miss you, too, Connell. 287 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:29,000 ♪ I am just a man ♪ 288 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,160 ♪ Tipping on the wire ♪ 289 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,800 ♪ Tight rope walking fool ♪ 290 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,040 ♪ Balanced on desire ♪ 291 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:46,240 ♪ I cannot control ♪ 292 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:51,640 ♪ These ever changing ways ♪ 293 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:56,000 ♪ So how can I be sure ♪ 294 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,160 ♪ The feeling will remain ♪ 295 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,440 ♪ It'll always change ♪ 296 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,240 ♪ But everything I am ♪ 20637

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