All language subtitles for Desperate Housewives S02E01 Next.720p.x264.Rus.Eng

previously on...

you're awfully brave buying
place site unseen.

We could tell from the advertisement
it was just what

we were looking for.
Sometimes...

who ever said you were the father?

Didn't you think it was strange that
you have the only lawn on wisteria lane

that needed to be mowed
three times a week?

I am going to kill you!

The truth about our loved ones...

you asked peterson's wife to make
sure he wouldn't promote me

so I quit. I'm gonna
be a stay-at-home dad.

We should... talk about this.

You're goin' back to work.

Can lead you into harm's way.

I think I'm having a heart attack.

You are gonna come through
this operation just fine.

Hello?

Rex passed away about
ten minutes ago.

I'm so sorry.

Mr. Delfino took my
dad away to kill him.

Now I'm gonna kill mr. Delfino.

It was an accepted fact among
the residents of Wisteria Lane

that Ida Greenberg liked her liquor.

People had seen her
drunk at sewing bees...

the department of motor vehicles...

and the first methodist church.

Ida had tried to quit
drinking many times,

but she couldn't.

Then one night in
a moment of despair,

she challenged god

to quench her never-ending thirst.

Luckily for Ida,
God was listening.

Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

Zach, listen to me.

No!

Not so tough now,are you?

Uh! Ow! Oh! Bongo,no!

Bongo!Bongo!

It was at that moment
it occurred to Ida

God may work in mysterious ways,

but he isn't particularly subtle.

It had been a year since my death,

and a lot had changed
on Wisteria Lane.

children had learned new games.

New neighbors had moved in.

Old houses had been rebuilt...

I told you guys twice.

Okay, Craig,what's goin' on?

And fresh tragedies had occurred.

In one house,

a widow was getting ready to tell her
friends of her husband's passing.

But until the time was right,

she would wait.

And life,as it tends to do,

would go on.

I look like hell. I need a hairbrush.

Yeah, um, that's not gonna help.

Susan,

officer Romslove is
here for your statement.

Zach young do that?

No. She fell. Bit her lip.
It was an accident.

Okay.

So,uh,walk me through what happened.

well, I went over to
mike's to feed the dog.

- I'm sorry?
- Feed the dog.

and I turned around,

and there was Zach young--

and that's Zach with an "h"--

- pointing a gun at me.
- The doctor said keep that in.

You gotta understand,
Zach's had a tough time.

- He's got emotional issues--
- 'cause he's crazy.

Still, I don't think he
meant to hurt anybody.

Uh,hello! Uh,he was waiting
there for you to come home

so he could kill you.

Is that what happened
when you got home?

The kid took a shot at you?

Actually, Susan fired the gun.

That's because I was
wrestling it away from Zach

so that he wouldn't shoot you.

Oh,there's blood.

Could we do this later?
She's kind of a mess right now.

Yeah, I think I can fill
in the rest for you.

I'd appreciate it.

- You feel better, mrs. Mayer.
- Thanks.

Ow! That hurts.

- I'm gonna get you more ice.
- Okay.

No,I'm tellin' you.

Susan really flew off the handle
when she jumped the kid.

So you're saying this was
more of a domestic squabble?

Definitely, yeah.

Are we required to press charges?

Well,you're not really required,

but it's something you should really
consider when a handgun is involved.

John!

- How did you get in here?
- I know where you keep the key.

- Mimosa?
- No, I'm pregnant, you jackass.

I made yours with seltzer.

Do you have any idea what you've done?

That little stunt you pulled
yesterday in the courtroom

could get carlos sent
away for eight years.

Yeah,I thought you might
be a little mad about that.

But once you calm down,

you'll see that it's just the two of us.

It's gonna be awesome.

you brought luggage?

He's gone. We don't have
to sneak around anymore.

We can have a real relationship.

It's what's best for the three of us.

The three of us? How exactly
does that benefit Carlos?

- I'm talking about my baby.
- You don't know it's your baby.

I don't even know it's your baby.

And I don't wanna know
'cause it doesn't matter.

so what,you don't love me?

Well, up until the point that you told
my husband we were having an affair,

I was quite fond of you.

Since then...

not a fan!

Hey.

hey.

Oh,why on earth would you let them
finger paint before breakfast?

It's my job to clean that up
now, so it's my call, right?

You're right. I'm sorry.

Hey, I thought the
meeting wasn't until 1.

Oh, I have a thousand things
to do before that--

borrow a decent scarf from bree,

buy a lipstick I don't hate--

- mommy, mommy, look!
- Aah! No! No!

No, nobody touches mommy, okay?

I love you, I love your finger painting,

but if you touch me with
those messy hands,

I will cut them off.

Go on. Off. Good.

It's okay.

- A little nervous?
- Who, me?

I've been out of work for seven years,

I'm a woman of a certain age in a business
that values youth above all else.

- Why should I be nervous?
- You are experienced.

You are brilliant.

You are going to nail
this job interview, okay?

Thank you. Uh, no. I can't...

you're very... so...

Thank you. Here.

Oh, my cell phone.

Lynette, hi, it's Bree.

I do hope I'm not calling too early.

Hmm?

Oh, of course you
can borrow that scarf.

I'll press it for you.

Um, I have, uh, some news.

Rex died.

I thought they were gonna
operate. What happened?

Apparently rex's heart just gave out.

Oh, my god.

So when can we see Bree?

She said she was gonna call.

She's gotta lot of things to do,

planning for the funeral,
that sort of thing.

She doesn't look that busy to me.

Hi, hi. What are you doing out here?

Oh, I'm just waiting for,
uh, Rex's mother.

She's gonna be here any second.

Honey, we are so sorry.

Oh, do one of you drink soy milk?

I was cleaning out the
fridge this morning,

and Rex is the only
one who drinks it.

I just bought it on friday.
I'd hate to throw it away.

What a waste.

Oh, sweetie.

Honey, you can let it out.

No. No, I can't afford
to fall apart right now.

Why?

You're about to find out.

Bree!

Oh, stop here. This is the house.

Is that...

yes, that is Rex's mother.

I can't believe it.

It's like some hideous nightmare.

My life is over!

My life is over!

it appears there's a 7-year
gap since your last position.

What, did you take some time off?

I was a stay-at-home mom.

I wish it had been time off.

- Boy or girl?
- A girl...

- and three boys.
- Four kids?

Yeah, of course, they won't
get in the way of the job

because my husband's staying
home with them from now on.

I knew I could never do
both jobs justice.

That's why I choose not
to have a family.

I didn't want to be one of
those kind of women--

you know, sloughing things
off onto coworkers

because of a pediatrician
appointment or a dance recital.

I get really neurotic about
putting people out.

With all due respect,
Nina, won't be an issue.

I can leave home at home.

And it's not gonna break your heart
to leave those sad little faces behind?

are you kidding?

This office is paradise--

grown-ups talking about
grown-up things.

No screaming, no vomiting,
no boogers under the table.

You're gonna have to drag me outta
here kicking and screaming--

weekends, holidays, whenever.

All right, Ed wants to make
the final decision.

So I will bring you back
tomorrow at 3 for a follow-up.

Well,that--that sounds
great. Thank you--

Lynette, be early.
Show me something.

Okay.

No way. Dad did not
have a teddy bear.

He most certainly did.

Oh, that was Doolittle.

Your father never went
anywhere without him.

Here's your tea, Phyllis.

Look, Bree.

This was the tie that Rex wore
when he graduated from prep school.

I think he should wear it.

You know, for the funeral?

Phyllis, that's an orange tie.

Well, those were his school
colors--green and orange.

Well, um, he's being
buried in a blue suit.

maybe he could be buried
in a different suit.

I don't think so,
but thank you, though.

You, uh, you kept dad's
old comic books?

Oh, yes, I kept everything.

Look here.

I even kept the dirty magazine
that he hid under his mattress.

He didn't think I knew
about it, but I did.

well, looks like dad was
into big breasts.

Oh, yes.

That's why I was surprised
when he married your mother.

So you're just not gonna talk
to me, is that it?

Fine.

I don't need to talk.

Okay. Yes, I had a little affair.

It wasn't the best thing to do,
and I'm not proud of it.

But it's not the worst thing
that could have happened.

Nobody died.

Oh, don't be such a martyr, Carlos.

Okay, it takes two people.

How many times did you go off
on your little business trips

and leave me alone?

See, so technically,
you cheated, too.

It's just your mistress
was your work.

No, okay. That was a stretch.
I'm sorry.

Carlos, wait! Come back.
Look, I wanna start over.

We're gonna have a baby.

Isn't that what you always wanted?

Carlos, wait!

I said I was sorry and I love you!

What more do you want?!

I want a paternity test.

Mrs. Applewhite, hi.

I am Bree Van de Kamp,

and this is my daughter Danielle.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Hey, I'm Matthew.
- This is my son.

Hi. I would have been oversooner
to introduce myself,

but I'm afraid there's been
a death in my family.

My dad.

- I'm so sorry.
- I lost my dad, too.

I know what you must be
going through right now.

Thank you.

Anyway, I'm afraid that my visit
has an ulterior motive.

The organist at our churchis
on vacation,

and Edie Britt mentioned that you
used to be a concert pianist, and--

I would be honored to play for you.

Why don't I bring some
sheet music over later

and we can plan some selections?

Thank you. That's just a huge
weight off my shoulders.

- Oh,these are for you.
- How sweet.

Bree, we widows
have to stick together.

Bye.

Pretending your father's dead?

Don't you find that a little morbid?

Well, I just thought it could
help our cover story, okay?

Just, you know, win 'em over.

Oh, sweetie. I know you meant well.

But in the future, you leave
the cleverness to me.

Since when are we protected
by dorset security?

Oh, we're not. It's a deterrent
in case Zach comes back.

I told mike I didn't sleep last
night, so he got me this sign.

That guy is so supportive.

You know he's out right now in a ride-along
with the police searching for Zach?

- Really?
- Yeah.

He's determined to see that
kid behind bars.

So tomorrow at school I want
you to let everybody know

that we got this new,
expensive security system.

- Mom, just--
- work it into the conversation.

- You know, put the word out there
- I've gotta tell you something.

- Emphasize the motion detectors.
- Mom, stop, stop. Listen.

What? What is it?

Yesterday I overheard mike
telling that cop

that he didn't wanna press
charges against Zach.

He made the whole thing sound
like it was your fault.

My fault?

Hi. Uh, I need a paternity test.

Well, we'll just schedule
you for an exam.

Oh, no, no. I-I don't
need to take a test.

I am just trying to reassure my husband
of what I know is true in my heart.

So if you could just slip me
someone else's test results,

I could make my own.

I got photoshop for christmas.

Oh, come on.

You look like a fun-loving girl.

I am sure you've been in a couple
hairy situations of your own.

Just because I choose
to express myself

doesn't mean that I condone adultery.

Sorry.

Paternity test results?

I know. I'm in the same situation.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

I just found out the
clinic screwed up

and gave me an egg that
belonged to some lesbian.

It was supposed to be
implanted in her lover,

and now my husband's freaking out

because he thinks that our
baby's gonna be gay!

Okay. We're in slightly
different situations.

But do you wanna get a cup of
coffee and talk about it?

Yeah. That'd be nice. Thanks.

Yeah. Us girls have to stick together.

We shouldn't let that stupid
piece of paper ruin our life.

Yeah!

Obviously, I've known Rex for years,

but when it comes to writing a eulogy,

I like as much input from
the family as possible.

Oh. Well, um, what kind of input?

Oh, well, he means anecdotes,

little stories.

Isn't that what you mean, reverend?

Well, yes, but, uh, also--

I thought that you might
need some help,

so last night I stayed up all night

and tried to remember funny things

and moments that said so much
about Rex as a person.

My. How--how many pages
do you have there?

15.

well, you're hardly going to have to
write anything at all, reverend.

Some of those anecdotes are just priceless.

Phyllis, these are all things that
happened to Rex before he went to college.

So?

Well, don't you think it'd be
nice if reverend devoted

part of the eulogy to his life
after he was married?

Oh, well, yes, of course.

The reverend will mention
that part of his life.

He's going to do more than mention it.

That's the part he'll focus on.

In fact, I think three anecdotes from
Rex's childhood is more than enough.

Um, that--that seems fair.

Well, whatever you think
is appropriate.

Fine.

I just thought if we were going
to focus on a time in Rex's life,

that we might as well focus
on the happiest time.

let's talk flowers.

Now I know lilies are traditional,

but I think I can get you a deal
on some white roses.

Reverend, if you don't call her
on that incredibly insensitive comment,

I'm gonna lose it.

I'm sure she didn't mean
it the way it sounded.

- I knew exactly what I was saying.
- Ladies--

the happiest time in Rex's
life was not his childhood.

He loved being a husband,
and he loved being a father.

Well, he may have
loved being a father,

but your marriage was a disaster.

Phyllis, is there something
you'd like to say?

You made the last years
of Rex's life miserable,

and now he's dead,

and he'll never have another
chance at happiness.

You are no longer invited
to the funeral.

What?

- You're not serious.
- Oh, yes, I am.

I am going to hire security,

and those security men
are going to have sticks,

and if you so much asset
foot in that sanctuary,

they will be instructed to beat
you with those sticks.

Bree, this is your grief talking--

reverend, if you don't back me
up on this, so help me,

I will pull the funeral
out of your church.

- Bree!
- I am not kidding.

I will go nondenominational so fast,
it will make your head spin.

Susan, I heard what happened with Zach.

How are you doing?

- Fine. Is Mike here?
- Inside.

Jeez. You must have been terrified.

I mean, he put poor
felicia in the hospital.

- Did he pistol-whip you?
- No.

Oh, come on. You can tell me.

- Did he slap you around?
- No.

Well, don't get me wrong. I'm
thrilled that you're okay.

It's just that when someone holds
someone else hostage,

they usually rough 'em up a little.

It wasn't like that.

- Not even a little kicking?
- Edie...

someone to see you.

- Well, hey, how's it goin'?
- Good.

So there's a rumor going around

that you don't wanna press
charges against Zach.

Is that true?

Yeah.

Wow. Um... I find that...confusing.

Look, if we make a big deal out of this,

he could end up going to prison.

He held a gun to my face,
so I'm thinking, "good."

I've been to prison.
He couldn't handle it.

- Who cares?
- I care.

Well, you should care more about me.

I'm your girlfriend.
We're moving in together.

He's just a neighbor.
You don't even know Zach.

I know enough about him to know
that deep down, he's a good kid.

Mike, he wanted to kill you.

But he didn't.

You never asked me why
Zach wanted to shoot you.

- Aren't you curious?
- Does it matter?

Zach said you kidnapped
his father so you could kill him.

I didn't kill paul young.

I didn't think you did.
Now tell me why Zach does.

I found some evidence that suggested
that Paul murdered Deirdre.

16 years ago Deirdre had a baby,

and Paul and Mary Alice
young kidnapped him

and raised him as their own.

Deirdre tracked him down here to Wisteria Lane
and demanded her baby back.

So Paul killed her?

Actually, it was Mary Alice.

Oh, my god.

Mike?

I answered your phone.

It's the police.

Yeah. Delfino.

You did?

Okay, I can be there in 20 minutes.

Zach's dead.

They want me to come identify the body.

Thanks for coming down.

Since the kid's father is missing,

we didn't know who else to call.

So... you folks ready?

that's not Zach.

You're sure?

He had a gun in my face for six hours.

I know what he looks like.

- Can you give us a minute?
- Sure.

- Zach is your son, isn't he?
- Yeah.

I'm pretty sure.

How long have you known?

Paul Young told me.

Deirdre got pregnant
before I went to jail

and, um, told me she had an abortion.

Guess she lied.

I see.

When I took Paul out to the desert,

and I was so angry,
I just wanted to hurt him...

the way they hurt Deirdre.

But then when he told me

that he and Mary Alice had taken
care of Deirdre's baby--

my baby...

that rage just went away.

Kept me from doing something
really stupid.

I'm gonna take a cab home, okay?

Mom, grandma's leaving, all right?
You have to talk to her.

No, I don't. If you heard the
things that she said to me--

look, I'm sure she was
a real bitch, okay?

But she's family,
so that makes her our bitch.

Let her say good-bye to dad.

She went out of her
way to be cruel to me.

I don't want her at the funeral.

Mom, if you don't let grandma come,
I will never forgive you.

Did I ask for your help?

You know dad would want her there.

It's true Rex and I did not have
the perfect marriage,

but for 18 years I tried my very best,

and for that I am entitled
to your respect.

Of course you are.

Of course I respect you.

Well, then why did you
say those things to me?

I guess I thought it would be
easier to be angry at you

than to be angry with Rex.

I mean, what was he thinking,

leaving me?

I do want you to come to the funeral.

you don't know what that
means to me, Bree.

Thank you.

Someone should get my luggage.

Okay, let's get outta here.Tom?

- Yeah?
- Mom.

What's the matter?

My back--I threw it out. I was
holding parker upside down.

Okay. Come on.Give me your feet.

how's that? Is that better?

honey, can you push the interview?

Because I don't think I'm gonna be able

to take care of penny like this.

Don't do this to me.

I don't have time to make a phone call,

and I promised that woman
I would not let the kids

interfere with this job.

But that was a stupid promise.

Remember that time when you were away
in Tucson, and I had a 104 fever,

but I still managed to take
the kids trick-or-treating?

honey...

I don't think that's helping.

Tom, being a mom is like
being an E.R. Doctor.

There are no days off,
so get up! Get up!

Okay.

Jeez, are you crying?

Just a little.

I'll be fine. You just... go.
Just go.

oh, for God sakes.

Give 'em hell, honey.

You...

hi, mrs. Scavo. You can wait inside.

- They'll be right in.
- Great.

Listen,uh...

- Stu.
- Stu.

You look like a bright, uh,
responsible young man,

and I bet you just love
kids. Am I right?

Ed Ferrara, Lynette Scavo.

Thanks so much for having me in.

Nice to meet you. Please,sit.

Thank you.

We're gonna have to
make this quick.

I gotta leave in five
to catch a plane.

I got celtic tickets on the floor.

This is a great resume?

I see you worked with the Donahues.

You know, I snaked the Oslo candy
account from 'em last year.

So you've done a lot of copy work?

I have. But when I moved over
to cenn and simmons,

um, I got to do a broader
range of campaigns.

T...

uh, V...

and... uh...

radio...

uh, billboards.

could you excuse me for a minute?

Please?

What's going on?

I have no idea.

Stu, you are an idiot.

You're an idiot, an absolute idiot.

Hi.

Ha! Guys, I'd like you to meet Penny.

She gives me all my best ideas.

You brought your baby to the interview.

- It won't be an ongoing thing.
- You bet it won't.

Nina, it's fine.

Any chance we can get
that little lady to be quiet?

Not until I change her diaper.

Could you just give me two minutes?

Sorry. Plane. Well...

then watch me multitask.

Here's how I see it.

You guys run a really good shop,

but if you want your agency
to go to the next level,

you have to focus on two things.

First, you've gotta win some awards.

Do some P.S.A.S, pro bono stuff,
whatever it takes,

because whether they admit it or not,

clients care about what's
in your trophy case.

Two--your web site.

It's the first thing a
client's gonna look at,

and it's hard to navigate.
There's no site map.

It just wasn't built for people
who grow up without computers.

There. And third...

I don't have a third.

Yeah, so that's... it.

Okay.

You're in.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

Take the office across
the hall. I gotta run.

Well, all right!

Okay, obviously, I'm gonna
clean that up.

Here it is in black and white.
It's your kid.

What? Why aren't you smiling?

It's not enough.

What do you want,
a father's day card?

You knew the one thing that
I demanded was fidelity,

and you still went out and
screwed around behind my back.

You knew the one thing
I didn't want was a child,

and you still tricked me
into getting pregnant.

It's not the same thing.

Damn straight. What you did was worse.

We're not very nice people, are we?

No, we're not.

Oh, when we got married,

I thought we were gonna be so happy.

Me too.

Look on the bright side.
At least we're still rich.

Thank god for that.

So it occurred to me...

that I was really rude at the morgue.

When you told me about Zach,
I was so busy freaking out,

I never actually congratulated you.

Congratulated me?

Yeah, I know how much you've
always wanted a child,

and now you have one.

Thanks.

Obviously, um, it was quite a shock,

but it's good news any way you slice it.

What's wrong?

So naturally you'll be wanting to...

have a relationship with him,
and that takes time,

- a lot of time.
- Susan--

and out of all the mixed-up
teenagers in the world,

Zach is just the one kid that
I can't be around.

I can't have julie around him.

So, um, what I'm trying to say is...

we can't move in together.

But I am so happy for you.

Really, you have a child,
and that is good for you.

Isn't there any way--

No. No, I...

so sorry.

I'll--I'll, um,

I'll see you around.

today we've come together
to celebrate the life

of Dr. Rex Van de Kamp...

what is he wearing?

What?

I left him an hour ago,

and he was wearing Ralph Lauren.

But it's what Rex would have wanted.

He loved that prep school.

...But which ever coat
he was wearing,

Rex always brought an
irresistible enthusiasm

and a single-minded determination to...

so as we mourn the passing
of Rex Van de Kamp,

we give thanks to god,

for we do not grieve as those
who have no hope

but as those who place
their trust in god.

wait!

do not close that coffin.

Give me your tie.

What?

Give me your tie.

give it to her! Give it to her.

You look magnificent.

so it looks like Mary Alice
killed Zach's birth mother

in order to keep her
from taking Zach away.

Oh, my God.

I mean, I knew Mary Alice
had killed herself

over something big, but wow.

Can you imagine living with that guilt?

Isn't it bizarre that
Paul and Mary Alice

had this secret all those years,

and we didn't even know about it?

No, not really.

I mean, what do we actually
know about our neighbors?

I mean, we can tell if they
keep their lawns nice

or they take their trash cans in,

but when they do those things,
we stop asking questions

'cause if people are good neighbors...

we don't really care what
happens behind closed doors.

It had been one year since my suicide...

makes you wonder,doesn't it?

And a lot had changed on Wisteria Lane.

There were new flowers,

new houses

and new neighbors--

the kind anyone would want
living right next door.

is that another hymn?

I know. It's silly,

but playing those songs
today at the funeral

just got me in the mood.

This is your grandmother's favorite.

Did you remember butter?

I make up this tray every night.

Of course you do. I'm sorry.

Oh, look.

You added a flower.

Thought it'd be nice.

How'd I get so lucky to
have a child like you?

You really do try to think about us.

That flower is a small act of kindness

you thought no one would notice,

and yet you did it anyway.

Says a lot about how you were raised.

Well ,I guess you did your job.

Thank yourself.

I'll get the tray.

You take the gun.

It really is a lovely gesture.

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