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1
00:00:03,734 --> 00:00:05,433
Anna-Kat, are you done
with your breakfast?
2
00:00:05,535 --> 00:00:06,634
[Keyboard clacking]
3
00:00:06,737 --> 00:00:07,669
Anna-Kat!
4
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,966
Did you know the Wildflower Girls Camp
5
00:00:10,035 --> 00:00:12,936
has a ropes course, canoeing,
and horseback riding?
6
00:00:13,932 --> 00:00:15,765
Yeah... kids change.
7
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,874
The packing list says
that fifth graders and above
8
00:00:17,943 --> 00:00:19,642
need to bring feminine hygiene products,
9
00:00:19,711 --> 00:00:21,513
which means this could be my year!
10
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:27,131
Can you believe it?
11
00:00:27,225 --> 00:00:29,118
Anna-Kat is going to sleepaway camp!
12
00:00:29,221 --> 00:00:31,423
We have taken her from being a weirdo
13
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,998
to a strong, confident girl.
14
00:00:33,066 --> 00:00:35,700
She just gave her dad
a high-five about menstruating.
15
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,069
She still has
a little weirdo left in her.
16
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,504
Kate. Donks.
17
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:40,705
[Door closes]
18
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:43,192
Read the latest draft
of the book. Love it.
19
00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:46,211
The ending still needs a little work,
so meet me in our office.
20
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,180
Uh, we might be working late,
so I brought you
21
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,482
some of those canned
protein drinks for old women.
22
00:00:52,703 --> 00:00:54,369
This is the fifth conclusion
he's shot down.
23
00:00:54,438 --> 00:00:56,137
I keep trying to be poignant,
but I guess
24
00:00:56,206 --> 00:00:58,206
I'll just give him
what he wants... a happy ending.
25
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,294
- Thanks for not saying anything.
- Mm-hmm.
26
00:01:01,385 --> 00:01:02,864
Mom!
27
00:01:02,946 --> 00:01:05,247
The list for graduation
came out, and I'm not on it!
28
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,315
It's only two days away! What was it?
29
00:01:07,384 --> 00:01:08,316
You didn't turn a paper in?
30
00:01:08,418 --> 00:01:09,618
You forgot to fill out some forms?
31
00:01:09,686 --> 00:01:11,987
No, my freshman year, I gave you
a library book to return,
32
00:01:12,089 --> 00:01:13,822
and you never did.
33
00:01:14,016 --> 00:01:15,082
That sounds about right.
34
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:16,883
I'm not going to graduate
because of you!
35
00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:18,385
Okay, calm down. I'm your mother.
36
00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:19,553
I'll take care of it.
37
00:01:19,655 --> 00:01:21,488
Okay. Thank you.
38
00:01:21,857 --> 00:01:24,891
And, Taylor, a little gratitude
would be nice.
39
00:01:24,993 --> 00:01:26,159
I literally just said "Thank you."
40
00:01:26,261 --> 00:01:27,594
To be fair, I wasn't listening.
41
00:01:27,696 --> 00:01:29,062
♪
42
00:01:29,164 --> 00:01:32,065
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
43
00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:35,368
♪
44
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:36,836
I like all your endings,
45
00:01:36,938 --> 00:01:39,005
but they're not making me
want to hit "Subscribe."
46
00:01:39,107 --> 00:01:40,701
I don't know what else
to say about your life.
47
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,492
You're only 25 years old.
48
00:01:42,594 --> 00:01:44,261
You shoot your friends
with paintball guns,
49
00:01:44,363 --> 00:01:46,162
then buy them fast-food franchises.
50
00:01:46,265 --> 00:01:47,163
[Laughs]
51
00:01:47,266 --> 00:01:48,865
I do do that.
52
00:01:48,967 --> 00:01:50,901
I still think we need a great ending,
53
00:01:51,003 --> 00:01:54,104
and you and I are not gonna rest
until we come up with one.
54
00:01:54,206 --> 00:01:55,405
[Sighs]
55
00:01:58,977 --> 00:02:00,644
That's smart.
56
00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:02,412
I need my lady sharp tonight.
57
00:02:02,514 --> 00:02:04,414
♪
58
00:02:04,516 --> 00:02:06,383
[School bell rings]
59
00:02:06,485 --> 00:02:08,885
Next year's gonna be amazing.
We'll be juniors.
60
00:02:08,987 --> 00:02:10,420
We can drive ourselves to school.
61
00:02:10,522 --> 00:02:12,956
We'll be in that
hot Spanish teacher's class.
62
00:02:13,058 --> 00:02:15,191
BOTH: Señora Campos!
63
00:02:15,294 --> 00:02:17,560
So, me and Kelly, we didn't know
if we were gonna stay together
64
00:02:17,663 --> 00:02:19,095
while she's at Penn and I'm at Tufts.
65
00:02:19,197 --> 00:02:20,764
But then we took that online quiz
66
00:02:20,866 --> 00:02:22,999
"Are You and Your High School
Sweetheart Built to Last?"
67
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,734
and it looks like we totally are.
68
00:02:24,836 --> 00:02:26,469
Well, Trip and I
don't have to worry about that.
69
00:02:26,571 --> 00:02:28,371
Yeah, she's staying in town
taking a gap year,
70
00:02:28,473 --> 00:02:29,639
and I'm going to college.
71
00:02:29,741 --> 00:02:30,907
I'm just not sure where to apply yet.
72
00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:32,709
You had to apply months ago.
73
00:02:32,811 --> 00:02:34,077
Oh.
74
00:02:34,179 --> 00:02:36,413
I guess I'm taking a gap year,
too. [Chuckles]
75
00:02:36,515 --> 00:02:38,048
We should take the quiz anyway.
76
00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,149
Just for fun.
77
00:02:39,251 --> 00:02:40,417
Well, yeah, even if it's just for fun,
78
00:02:40,519 --> 00:02:42,018
I'm supposed to
get extra time to take it.
79
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,186
It's in my chart.
80
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:46,189
♪
81
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,191
What do you mean, you don't
want me to go to camp?!
82
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,592
It looks so fun!
83
00:02:49,695 --> 00:02:52,395
There's no more dangerous place
in the world than summer camp.
84
00:02:52,497 --> 00:02:54,331
Except maybe Olive Garden.
85
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:56,933
Those unlimited breadsticks
are dangerous to my waistline.
86
00:02:57,035 --> 00:02:58,401
How could it be dangerous?
87
00:02:58,503 --> 00:03:00,170
It's just super-fun activities.
88
00:03:00,272 --> 00:03:01,638
They have dodgeball.
89
00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:02,772
More like death-ball.
90
00:03:02,874 --> 00:03:04,674
- Water skiing.
- Water-dying.
91
00:03:04,776 --> 00:03:05,709
Arts and crafts.
92
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,877
Arts and dying. I can do this all day.
93
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,479
Wow.
94
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:12,381
I was so excited, but I hadn't
really considered all the...
95
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,784
All the dying? I know. No one does.
96
00:03:14,886 --> 00:03:17,287
I'm sorry, but I'm gonna
have to say no to this idea.
97
00:03:17,389 --> 00:03:19,189
I'm glad I talked to you before I went.
98
00:03:19,291 --> 00:03:20,890
I probably saved your life today.
99
00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:24,461
♪
100
00:03:24,563 --> 00:03:26,296
Slow down, punks.
101
00:03:26,398 --> 00:03:29,399
Katie! Just the person I wanted to see.
102
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:32,335
Ablin, for the thousandth time,
I don't plan parties anymore,
103
00:03:32,437 --> 00:03:33,937
so I'm not going to do
your strange wedding.
104
00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:35,405
It's not strange to wear a kilt.
105
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:36,439
You're not Scottish.
106
00:03:36,541 --> 00:03:38,008
I get sweaty when I get nervous,
107
00:03:38,110 --> 00:03:39,642
and it's the only
socially acceptable way
108
00:03:39,711 --> 00:03:41,678
for me to ventilate my nethers.
109
00:03:41,747 --> 00:03:42,712
Ugh.
110
00:03:42,814 --> 00:03:48,318
♪
111
00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:49,586
Excuse me.
112
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,082
Tara. What are you doing here?
113
00:03:54,185 --> 00:03:55,818
I volunteer two afternoons a week.
114
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,520
Because I care about
giving back to the community.
115
00:03:58,622 --> 00:04:00,456
- [Groans]
- What do you want, Katie?
116
00:04:00,524 --> 00:04:03,725
I have to pay Taylor's library
fine so that she can graduate.
117
00:04:05,095 --> 00:04:06,428
[Sighs]
118
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:07,663
[Buzzer]
119
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,922
[Scoffs] The book is four years late.
120
00:04:10,025 --> 00:04:11,924
Paying a fine isn't
even an option anymore.
121
00:04:12,027 --> 00:04:13,660
Just says "See administrator."
122
00:04:13,762 --> 00:04:15,061
Tara, can you just help me out?
123
00:04:15,364 --> 00:04:16,830
I promise I'll stop bringing the class
124
00:04:16,932 --> 00:04:19,132
vegan cupcakes that are
not even remotely vegan.
125
00:04:19,234 --> 00:04:20,467
You what?
126
00:04:20,535 --> 00:04:22,736
You can't bake without eggs.
Everyone knows that.
127
00:04:22,838 --> 00:04:25,038
Even you stupid vegans.
128
00:04:25,107 --> 00:04:28,141
Even if I wanted to help you...
which I don't...
129
00:04:28,243 --> 00:04:29,276
I can't.
130
00:04:29,378 --> 00:04:31,111
It's a computer thing,
and I don't have the code
131
00:04:31,213 --> 00:04:32,445
to override the system.
132
00:04:32,547 --> 00:04:33,914
Who does?
133
00:04:34,016 --> 00:04:36,316
So, you want your daughter to graduate,
134
00:04:36,385 --> 00:04:39,352
but she can't unless I punch in
my administrative override code.
135
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,188
What to do? What to do?
136
00:04:42,290 --> 00:04:43,523
Fine!
137
00:04:43,625 --> 00:04:45,358
- I'll plan your wedding.
- Great.
138
00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:47,012
So, during summer break,
139
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,037
Maria and I wish to take
a riverboat trip together.
140
00:04:49,139 --> 00:04:51,573
But Mother will not
let us travel in sin.
141
00:04:51,675 --> 00:04:52,941
You're a grown man.
142
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,076
One might say an old man.
143
00:04:55,178 --> 00:04:56,645
Why do you still listen to your mother?
144
00:04:56,747 --> 00:04:58,546
Because I don't want to get grounded.
145
00:04:58,615 --> 00:05:00,515
In any event, we must be wed
in the next two days.
146
00:05:00,617 --> 00:05:02,017
The riverboat leaves out of Chicago
147
00:05:02,119 --> 00:05:03,585
shortly after graduation.
148
00:05:03,654 --> 00:05:05,687
It's not gonna be easy to throw
together a wedding at the last second.
149
00:05:05,712 --> 00:05:06,765
What's your budget?
150
00:05:06,813 --> 00:05:08,279
- $195.
- Ugh.
151
00:05:08,358 --> 00:05:10,458
We spent all our money
on the riverboat cruise,
152
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,793
but it's top-of-the-line.
153
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,029
We're only sharing our room
with four other couples.
154
00:05:14,131 --> 00:05:16,364
I guess I could pull together a small...
155
00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:18,933
No. Maria's always dreamed
of a big wedding.
156
00:05:19,036 --> 00:05:20,468
Can you get the guest list
together in time?
157
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,070
Oh, that'll be easy.
158
00:05:22,172 --> 00:05:23,538
Neither of us have much family,
159
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,073
and our friend will be
out of town that day.
160
00:05:25,175 --> 00:05:26,474
Then how is it going to be big?
161
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:27,809
That's up to you to figure out,
162
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,178
if you want your daughter to graduate.
163
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:31,846
Anything else?
164
00:05:31,948 --> 00:05:33,014
Yes.
165
00:05:33,116 --> 00:05:35,116
Maria wants to walk down
the aisle to bagpipes,
166
00:05:35,218 --> 00:05:37,085
and she wants the whole thing
professionally videoed.
167
00:05:37,187 --> 00:05:39,921
You want all that for $195?
168
00:05:40,023 --> 00:05:40,722
Ooh!
169
00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:41,956
Actually...
170
00:05:42,059 --> 00:05:43,325
$191.55.
171
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:44,971
I got a Starbucks this morning.
172
00:05:45,016 --> 00:05:45,915
[Chuckles]
173
00:05:45,985 --> 00:05:46,984
♪
174
00:05:49,166 --> 00:05:52,611
♪
175
00:05:52,657 --> 00:05:54,424
Basically, I'm being blackmailed.
176
00:05:54,452 --> 00:05:58,020
In order for Taylor to graduate,
I have to plan Ablin's wedding.
177
00:05:58,383 --> 00:05:59,445
That's so unfair.
178
00:05:59,470 --> 00:06:01,009
Actually, it's kind of my fault.
179
00:06:01,034 --> 00:06:02,080
Yeah, I had a feeling.
180
00:06:02,105 --> 00:06:03,779
Where am I going to find 200 warm bodies
181
00:06:03,881 --> 00:06:06,448
to sit quietly and watch a
couple of strangers get married?
182
00:06:06,517 --> 00:06:09,803
Well, would you say there'd be
200 of those warm bodies
183
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,361
at graduation?
184
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:13,296
Are you saying that Ablin and Maria
185
00:06:13,398 --> 00:06:15,165
should get married
in the middle of graduation?
186
00:06:15,233 --> 00:06:16,900
You've got the crowd,
you've got the venue.
187
00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:19,396
And there are already
drinks and desserts afterward,
188
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:20,820
so you don't have to
pay for a reception.
189
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,022
Oh, my God! This could actually work!
190
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,490
I suppose I have to ask for permission.
191
00:06:24,559 --> 00:06:26,359
Who is in charge
of the graduation committee?
192
00:06:26,384 --> 00:06:28,317
- Tara Summers.
- Huh.
193
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,046
If I didn't know better,
194
00:06:30,071 --> 00:06:32,371
I'd think all my feuds
make my life more difficult.
195
00:06:32,428 --> 00:06:33,520
[Both laugh]
196
00:06:33,588 --> 00:06:38,558
♪
197
00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:39,993
I'm done with the quiz.
198
00:06:40,062 --> 00:06:41,161
I just finished my last question.
199
00:06:41,263 --> 00:06:42,262
Here we go.
200
00:06:42,331 --> 00:06:43,697
Whoo! We did it!
201
00:06:43,765 --> 00:06:44,798
What are you talking about?
202
00:06:44,866 --> 00:06:46,633
It says we're
a "dumpster fire of a couple."
203
00:06:46,735 --> 00:06:48,335
Yeah. Dumpster fires are good.
204
00:06:48,437 --> 00:06:49,903
They make the lighting
in the alley all cool
205
00:06:49,971 --> 00:06:51,371
for when the turtles
come out of the sewer
206
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,263
and beat up bad guys
and eat pizza and stuff.
207
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:55,422
No, dumpster fires are not good, Trip.
208
00:06:55,490 --> 00:06:57,557
This quiz says
we're never gonna make it!
209
00:06:57,659 --> 00:06:59,225
Babe, are you serious right now?
210
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:00,660
It's just an online quiz.
211
00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:03,459
But Bailey and Garrett took it,
and they broke up because of it.
212
00:07:03,608 --> 00:07:04,774
And they were perfect together.
213
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,832
Bailey and Garrett
don't have what we have.
214
00:07:06,901 --> 00:07:08,167
I guess.
215
00:07:08,236 --> 00:07:10,770
Also, Bailey and Garrett didn't
break up because of the quiz.
216
00:07:10,872 --> 00:07:12,838
They broke up because they
found out they're first cousins.
217
00:07:12,907 --> 00:07:18,377
♪
218
00:07:18,588 --> 00:07:19,754
Wow, you look terrible.
219
00:07:19,847 --> 00:07:20,860
What happened?
220
00:07:20,965 --> 00:07:22,811
Did one of your footmen
apply for parental leave?
221
00:07:22,836 --> 00:07:24,836
Gustav did, and he's been spoken to.
222
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,562
But no, this is more serious than that.
223
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,248
My parents bought an estate
in Palm Beach.
224
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,649
Oh, that's sick, bro!
225
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,618
No, you don't understand.
226
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,153
They're selling our Westport estate.
227
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,487
We're moving to Florida.
228
00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:38,356
Oh, so you're gonna take the
private jet to school every day?
229
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,359
No, because... I'll be
going to school down there.
230
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,821
Wait.
231
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,246
You're seriously moving?
232
00:07:45,315 --> 00:07:47,515
Florida has no state income tax.
233
00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:49,116
It was either there or the Caymans.
234
00:07:49,185 --> 00:07:51,118
And my mother's allergic to conch,
235
00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,353
so it's like, what's the point?
236
00:07:52,455 --> 00:07:53,688
Dude, you can't go.
237
00:07:53,790 --> 00:07:55,122
We've got plans.
238
00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:56,524
[Sighs]
239
00:07:58,194 --> 00:07:59,160
[Scoffs]
240
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:00,895
Can't believe this is happening.
241
00:08:00,997 --> 00:08:02,363
[Sighs]
242
00:08:02,465 --> 00:08:04,298
Florida.
243
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,134
I mean, I'm happy for you
fiscally, but...
244
00:08:07,203 --> 00:08:08,202
I know.
245
00:08:08,304 --> 00:08:10,237
♪
246
00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:11,505
[Sighs]
247
00:08:11,607 --> 00:08:15,409
♪
248
00:08:15,687 --> 00:08:18,588
Okay, I need someone who's
already a part of graduation
249
00:08:18,690 --> 00:08:20,924
who's also ordained to marry them.
250
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:22,142
Plus a bagpiper.
251
00:08:22,244 --> 00:08:24,133
Oh, the things you do for your kid.
252
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,970
Isn't this all your fault? [Laughs]
253
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,839
Like I would ever verbally
acknowledge any part in this.
254
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,541
Watch a cop show, Greg.
255
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:31,542
[Door closes]
256
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:32,677
Oh, hey, honey.
257
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:34,745
So, I've decided
not to go to camp this summer.
258
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:35,746
What are you talking about?
259
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:36,948
You were so excited to go.
260
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,283
Well, I was, but then
I talked to Franklin,
261
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:42,205
and he said that camp is
way too dangerous
262
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,165
and is not on board with me going.
263
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,422
First of all, we would never
264
00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:46,857
send you to a camp that wasn't safe.
265
00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:48,725
And second, Anna-Kat,
266
00:08:48,827 --> 00:08:51,228
I have raised you to be
an independent young woman.
267
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,463
If there is something
that you want to do,
268
00:08:53,532 --> 00:08:55,432
don't ever let a boy get in your way.
269
00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:56,500
Are you sure?
270
00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:58,602
Franklin made it sound really scary.
271
00:08:58,704 --> 00:08:59,903
He thinks everything's scary.
272
00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:02,139
The kid's 11 years old
and wears a Life Alert necklace.
273
00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:03,173
You're right!
274
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:04,274
I don't have to listen to Franklin
275
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:05,642
just because he's a boy.
276
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,578
Exactly. You don't have to
listen to anyone just because...
277
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:08,882
Quiet, you!
278
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:14,818
♪
279
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,153
[Car alarm chirps]
280
00:09:16,706 --> 00:09:18,305
[Elderly voice] Pardon me, young man!
281
00:09:19,442 --> 00:09:21,542
[Laughs]
282
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,710
[Normal voice] Yeah!
283
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:26,980
The ultimate prank...
the paintball bazooka!
284
00:09:27,049 --> 00:09:29,524
I paid the robotics team
at MIT to create it.
285
00:09:29,549 --> 00:09:30,461
Totally worth it.
286
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:33,214
Not worth it, but at least
we have an ending to your book.
287
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,572
Congrats, Lonnie. Pbht.
288
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,574
Mm, I-I don't know.
289
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:38,509
I think we move this up to the beginning
290
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,578
a-and then we try to figure out
a way to top ourselves.
291
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:43,391
You want to top yourself?
Do it on your own time.
292
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,544
I'm done with you,
and I'm done with this project!
293
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:48,452
Donks, don't be like that.
294
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,889
Fine! I don't need you!
295
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:53,457
I'll just go find another old dude!
296
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,693
There's a Tommy Bahama
three blocks from here!
297
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,963
♪
298
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,598
- [Click]
- Done.
299
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,766
Okay. I finished, too.
300
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:04,435
Let's try this again.
301
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:05,603
[Gasps] Fireworks!
302
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:06,403
No!
303
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:08,138
Nuclear bomb!
304
00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:09,573
We are never gonna make it!
305
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:12,243
♪
306
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:15,646
Maria, this wedding dress
belonged to my friend Doris.
307
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:17,281
It's custom-made, from Italy.
308
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:18,802
It's exquisite!
309
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,293
[Gasps]
310
00:10:20,361 --> 00:10:22,729
This has a fairly substantial burn mark.
311
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,285
Yeah, Doris got a little arson-y
after the divorce.
312
00:10:25,310 --> 00:10:26,309
But it's free.
313
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,100
Maria, you're crafty. You can fix it.
314
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,235
She hemmed my pajamas into shorties.
315
00:10:30,488 --> 00:10:31,821
They're quite short.
316
00:10:31,890 --> 00:10:33,456
[Chuckles]
317
00:10:33,525 --> 00:10:35,291
And who will be performing
our sacred vows?
318
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,026
I haven't nailed that down yet,
but don't worry.
319
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:37,994
I'm working on it.
320
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,262
Well, until you do figure it out,
321
00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:41,574
your little piggy will
not be going to market.
322
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,132
Your little piggy will stay home.
323
00:10:43,334 --> 00:10:45,368
I call all students little piggies.
324
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,470
Market is graduation. Home is home.
325
00:10:47,539 --> 00:10:49,071
After all this,
the two of us are going back
326
00:10:49,174 --> 00:10:50,706
to a more formal relationship.
327
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,646
Mrs. A, Taylor just told me to go home.
328
00:10:56,714 --> 00:10:58,281
That stupid quiz is
messing with her head.
329
00:10:58,383 --> 00:10:59,715
Don't pay attention to quizzes, Trip.
330
00:10:59,818 --> 00:11:01,017
I literally never have.
331
00:11:01,085 --> 00:11:03,137
But Taylor did, and now
she's really upset with me.
332
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,661
She won't even listen
to what I have to say.
333
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:07,500
What I suggest you do is
to trick her into hearing you.
334
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,101
Tricking is a major part
of any long-term relationship.
335
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,564
If only it was that easy
to get this wedding sorted out.
336
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,055
I don't even have someone to marry them.
337
00:11:14,124 --> 00:11:15,023
I can do it.
338
00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:16,791
You have to be ordained. I'm ordained.
339
00:11:16,860 --> 00:11:17,993
I did it online so I could
340
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:20,195
perform a marriage ceremony
for Anna-Kat's toy ponies,
341
00:11:20,297 --> 00:11:22,230
Twinkle Toes and Duffy McSprinkles.
342
00:11:22,332 --> 00:11:23,265
She wanted it legal.
343
00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:24,032
That's amazing!
344
00:11:24,134 --> 00:11:25,433
Now all I need is someone
345
00:11:25,535 --> 00:11:27,002
who knows how to play the bagpipes.
346
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,036
Franklin wasn't available?
347
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,819
Franklin plays the bagpipes?
348
00:11:29,907 --> 00:11:30,523
Yeah.
349
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,108
He joined a bagpiping group
as a way to rehab his asthma,
350
00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:34,309
and it turned into a passion.
351
00:11:34,411 --> 00:11:35,377
Then it's all set.
352
00:11:35,479 --> 00:11:36,978
Taylor is gonna graduate!
353
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,214
You would've loved the ceremony, Mrs. A.
354
00:11:39,316 --> 00:11:40,916
Duffy McSprinkles got cold hooves,
355
00:11:41,018 --> 00:11:43,318
but a last-minute pep talk
from Starburst Von Clydesdale
356
00:11:43,420 --> 00:11:44,686
sorted them out.
357
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:47,426
It was... beautiful.
358
00:11:47,628 --> 00:11:48,794
♪
359
00:11:50,735 --> 00:11:54,813
♪
360
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,840
You're quiet today.
361
00:11:57,158 --> 00:11:58,791
I don't want to talk about it.
362
00:11:58,860 --> 00:12:00,793
Oh, you took that the wrong way.
363
00:12:00,862 --> 00:12:02,328
I like you quiet.
364
00:12:02,396 --> 00:12:04,296
[Footsteps]
365
00:12:04,398 --> 00:12:06,265
Well, I'm ready for
this graduation/wedding thing.
366
00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:07,666
I think I have everything set.
367
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,034
The moment that they are married,
368
00:12:09,110 --> 00:12:11,310
Ablin will allow Taylor to graduate.
369
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,450
So, is Lonnie meeting us there?
370
00:12:13,475 --> 00:12:14,908
I've asked him to film the ceremony.
371
00:12:14,977 --> 00:12:16,376
I don't know. We're not speaking.
372
00:12:16,478 --> 00:12:18,111
- Oh.
- Well...
373
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:21,914
Is Franklin meeting us there
with his bagpipes?
374
00:12:22,016 --> 00:12:22,748
No idea.
375
00:12:22,817 --> 00:12:24,116
Ever since I told him
376
00:12:24,218 --> 00:12:26,585
I'm still going to summer camp,
he's not talking to me.
377
00:12:26,688 --> 00:12:27,953
Oh.
378
00:12:29,657 --> 00:12:30,723
Okay.
379
00:12:30,825 --> 00:12:32,692
Let's go! I'm ready to graduate.
380
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,051
We'll see.
381
00:12:34,119 --> 00:12:35,152
What do you mean, "We'll see"?
382
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:37,120
You did take care
of my library fine, right?
383
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:41,491
[Voice breaking] I can't
believe my baby's graduating.
384
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,160
Stop! [Groans]
385
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:45,429
Works every time.
386
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:50,967
♪
387
00:12:51,323 --> 00:12:53,690
Hello, Westport Unified class of 2020!
388
00:12:53,758 --> 00:12:55,224
- [Cheers and applause]
- Wow, we did it.
389
00:12:55,327 --> 00:12:57,393
Come on, let's hear some applause.
390
00:12:57,495 --> 00:12:58,728
Wow.
391
00:12:58,830 --> 00:12:59,963
Even some of you I didn't even think
392
00:13:00,065 --> 00:13:02,198
had the grades to graduate
are here today.
393
00:13:02,267 --> 00:13:04,634
Nah, I'm just kidding. But anyway...
394
00:13:04,703 --> 00:13:07,310
These last few years have been
some of the best of my life.
395
00:13:07,335 --> 00:13:09,347
[Whispering] Lonnie!
Thank God you made it.
396
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:10,331
Where's your video camera?
397
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,264
Yeah, don't worry. I got
my people all over this thing.
398
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,734
It's nice of you to show up, but
I'm still not talking to you.
399
00:13:15,937 --> 00:13:18,137
You want a poignant ending? Here it is.
400
00:13:18,573 --> 00:13:20,139
My whole world is about collecting likes
401
00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:21,373
from people I don't know.
402
00:13:21,442 --> 00:13:23,275
But the one person
that I actually want to like me
403
00:13:23,377 --> 00:13:24,543
doesn't right now.
404
00:13:26,114 --> 00:13:28,047
You know why
my book doesn't have an ending?
405
00:13:28,116 --> 00:13:29,248
[Sighs]
406
00:13:29,626 --> 00:13:32,493
It's because I don't...
want this to end.
407
00:13:33,596 --> 00:13:35,048
You and me.
408
00:13:35,598 --> 00:13:37,265
EYO: Thanks for being you.
409
00:13:37,367 --> 00:13:38,533
Nah, I'm just kidding.
410
00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:41,135
Well... there'll probably be
a book tour, right?
411
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,071
Book tour.
412
00:13:43,173 --> 00:13:44,038
Yes!
413
00:13:44,349 --> 00:13:45,748
Oh! I didn't think of that.
414
00:13:45,817 --> 00:13:50,596
Ooh, Badonks, with a brain
as big as his ass!
415
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:51,921
[Slaps] We're back!
416
00:13:52,890 --> 00:13:53,923
We look forward to our future
417
00:13:53,991 --> 00:13:56,992
with perfect, "class-of-2020" vision.
418
00:13:57,095 --> 00:13:58,227
Thank you.
419
00:13:58,329 --> 00:14:00,362
[Cheers and applause]
420
00:14:07,371 --> 00:14:09,605
[Feedback]
421
00:14:09,707 --> 00:14:12,675
The smart kids get to talk
at these things every year.
422
00:14:12,877 --> 00:14:14,677
What about the not-so-smart kids?
423
00:14:14,745 --> 00:14:16,245
They have something to say, too.
424
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:19,317
So, with the lowest grade point average,
425
00:14:19,342 --> 00:14:22,943
your "maledictorian," Trip Windsor.
426
00:14:23,045 --> 00:14:24,311
[Applause]
427
00:14:24,413 --> 00:14:25,946
What?!
428
00:14:28,584 --> 00:14:29,950
Dearly beloved,
429
00:14:30,228 --> 00:14:33,963
what is graduation
if not a celebration of love?
430
00:14:34,032 --> 00:14:35,631
How is it a celebration of love?
431
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,735
Shh! The maledictorian is speaking!
432
00:14:38,803 --> 00:14:40,269
...and the teachers who helped guide us
433
00:14:40,372 --> 00:14:44,474
through these past
four... or five... years,
434
00:14:44,670 --> 00:14:47,528
and most importantly, the love
435
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:50,354
between an administrator
and his girlfriend.
436
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:53,757
[Bagpipes playing "Bridal Chorus"]
437
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,226
Franklin made it!
It's all coming together!
438
00:14:56,546 --> 00:14:57,812
Greg, Oliver, go!
439
00:14:57,914 --> 00:15:05,320
♪
440
00:15:05,422 --> 00:15:12,527
♪
441
00:15:13,063 --> 00:15:20,502
♪
442
00:15:20,570 --> 00:15:22,137
Will you give me away?
443
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:23,987
Sure.
444
00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:27,243
Wouldn't be the strangest thing
that's happened today.
445
00:15:27,826 --> 00:15:30,227
[Laughs]
446
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:31,628
Ohh.
447
00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:38,969
♪
448
00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:46,276
♪
449
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:46,376
♪
450
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,253
I'm gonna talk to Ablin
about whatever this is
451
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:57,989
and shut it down!
452
00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,690
[Velcro rips]
453
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,859
[Crowd gasps, murmurs]
454
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:05,663
[Laughter]
455
00:16:10,161 --> 00:16:15,264
Love, like math,
it doesn't always make sense.
456
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:19,502
Like English, it doesn't
always make sense.
457
00:16:19,837 --> 00:16:23,205
Like science,
it doesn't make sense at all.
458
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:26,408
But the difference is,
love doesn't have to make sense.
459
00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:28,761
Because it's not something
that you learn.
460
00:16:28,829 --> 00:16:31,897
There's no stupid quiz
that you have to pass,
461
00:16:31,999 --> 00:16:34,666
'cause love is
making up words in Scrabble.
462
00:16:34,977 --> 00:16:38,311
And yelling
"Swiper, no swiping" together.
463
00:16:38,380 --> 00:16:40,780
It's something that you feel.
464
00:16:40,882 --> 00:16:44,184
And I feel it, now and forever.
465
00:16:44,286 --> 00:16:45,552
[Chuckles]
466
00:16:45,654 --> 00:16:47,187
♪
467
00:16:47,289 --> 00:16:48,955
Maria.
468
00:16:49,367 --> 00:16:53,202
Do you take Principal Ablin
to be your husband?
469
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:54,570
I do.
470
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:58,374
Principal Ablin, do you take
Maria to be your wife?
471
00:16:58,443 --> 00:16:59,475
I do.
472
00:16:59,577 --> 00:17:02,645
I now pronounce you principal and wife.
473
00:17:03,131 --> 00:17:04,264
You may kiss the bride.
474
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:06,332
Wait, wait, wait!
475
00:17:06,435 --> 00:17:07,701
Does my daughter graduate?
476
00:17:07,803 --> 00:17:08,668
Absolutely.
477
00:17:08,770 --> 00:17:11,571
♪
478
00:17:11,673 --> 00:17:13,473
[Cheers and applause]
479
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:20,246
♪
480
00:17:20,348 --> 00:17:21,481
[Cheers and applause]
481
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:24,250
♪
482
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,643
Everyone, afterward, please join us
483
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,912
for our wedding reception
in the main gymnasium.
484
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:33,017
You mean the PTA's
annual graduation buffet?!
485
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,486
Either way, we're playing "Brick House."
486
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,655
[Cheers and applause]
487
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:45,996
♪
488
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:49,199
[Camera shutter clicking]
489
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,602
All right, now let me get one
with just the siblings.
490
00:17:55,043 --> 00:17:56,409
Can you believe our baby graduated?
491
00:17:56,511 --> 00:17:58,712
Just two more to get rid of.
492
00:17:58,814 --> 00:18:00,113
Your sentimentality is touching.
493
00:18:00,215 --> 00:18:01,247
Mm-hmm.
494
00:18:03,285 --> 00:18:05,452
[Cheers and applause in distance]
495
00:18:09,224 --> 00:18:10,490
Aww.
496
00:18:10,592 --> 00:18:11,925
Look at you.
497
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,967
You're upset your sister's graduating.
498
00:18:14,069 --> 00:18:16,169
No. It's Cooper.
499
00:18:16,271 --> 00:18:18,038
He's moving with his family to Florida.
500
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:19,239
Oh.
501
00:18:20,958 --> 00:18:23,091
I'm sorry, honey. I didn't know.
502
00:18:23,193 --> 00:18:25,160
He's my best friend.
503
00:18:25,421 --> 00:18:26,520
You know how hard it is
504
00:18:26,622 --> 00:18:28,555
to find a best friend
who really gets you?
505
00:18:28,624 --> 00:18:32,793
I know this is hard for you,
but maybe he's excited.
506
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,528
He doesn't want to go.
507
00:18:34,597 --> 00:18:37,431
He never even sees his parents.
508
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,933
I don't get why they're
forcing him to do this.
509
00:18:41,437 --> 00:18:43,404
I'm gonna miss him so much.
510
00:18:44,807 --> 00:18:46,540
What am I gonna do, Mom?
511
00:18:48,077 --> 00:18:54,415
♪
512
00:18:54,517 --> 00:18:56,750
[Sour notes play]
513
00:18:58,913 --> 00:19:00,880
I know you're mad at me,
514
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,373
but it was nice of you to show up today.
515
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,342
Bagpipers always see a job through.
516
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:08,111
Unlike harp players, who bolt
at the first sign of conflict.
517
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,714
I think it's nice
you're so worried about me,
518
00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:14,402
but it's my decision to go
to summer camp, Franklin.
519
00:19:14,504 --> 00:19:15,603
Nothing's gonna happen.
520
00:19:15,705 --> 00:19:17,038
Oh, yes, it will!
521
00:19:17,107 --> 00:19:19,440
You don't know what happens
at summer camp! I do!
522
00:19:19,542 --> 00:19:21,275
It's where girls get their first kiss!
523
00:19:21,378 --> 00:19:22,979
Is that what you're worried about?
524
00:19:23,004 --> 00:19:24,830
Me kissing another boy?
525
00:19:25,181 --> 00:19:27,358
You're a real dummy, Franklin.
526
00:19:28,385 --> 00:19:34,088
♪
527
00:19:34,490 --> 00:19:35,890
There. Problem solved.
528
00:19:35,992 --> 00:19:39,226
I don't have any guy friends,
so I have to brag to you.
529
00:19:39,295 --> 00:19:41,228
I just got kissed by a really cute girl.
530
00:19:41,331 --> 00:19:44,465
♪
531
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,284
My last home-cooked dinner
with the Ottos,
532
00:19:47,461 --> 00:19:49,094
where we use paper towels as napkins
533
00:19:49,196 --> 00:19:51,273
and my food isn't plated properly.
534
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:53,758
I'm gonna miss this.
535
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:56,594
Cooper, there's something
I've got to tell you.
536
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,014
No, let me go first.
537
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:00,698
I didn't know what it meant
to be a part of a family
538
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,366
until I met you guys.
539
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:05,236
You're warm and messy and loud,
540
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:06,470
and you drink tap water,
541
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,272
which is just like
drinking out of the toilet.
542
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,240
Eww.
543
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:10,941
Move on to your next point.
544
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:15,212
You let me into your home
and made me a part of all that,
545
00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:17,148
and I'll always be grateful.
546
00:20:18,909 --> 00:20:20,075
I love you guys.
547
00:20:22,245 --> 00:20:23,344
Dude.
548
00:20:23,447 --> 00:20:24,512
[Inhales deeply]
549
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:25,549
Dude.
550
00:20:25,582 --> 00:20:26,848
Dude.
551
00:20:27,818 --> 00:20:29,217
Dude. [Sighs]
552
00:20:29,545 --> 00:20:30,778
Enough.
553
00:20:31,503 --> 00:20:34,938
Greg and I had a conversation
with your parents.
554
00:20:34,963 --> 00:20:37,027
If it's okay with you, they said
555
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:40,521
that you can live with us
until you graduate high school.
556
00:20:40,546 --> 00:20:41,578
What?!
557
00:20:41,603 --> 00:20:43,090
They'll send the jet for you
every other weekend.
558
00:20:43,192 --> 00:20:44,825
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
559
00:20:45,102 --> 00:20:46,969
- Dude!
- Dude!
560
00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:48,170
Dude!
561
00:20:48,810 --> 00:20:50,249
Dude.
562
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:54,243
♪
563
00:20:58,441 --> 00:20:59,607
Okay.
564
00:20:59,709 --> 00:21:01,909
What if I break into a delivery room,
565
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:04,114
I deliver someone's baby,
566
00:21:04,254 --> 00:21:08,125
but at the last minute, I make
a switch and I hand them...
567
00:21:08,458 --> 00:21:09,724
a live possum?
568
00:21:09,826 --> 00:21:11,826
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
569
00:21:11,928 --> 00:21:13,194
But you know what?
570
00:21:13,296 --> 00:21:14,554
Let's do it!
571
00:21:14,617 --> 00:21:15,734
Let's just finish the book!
572
00:21:15,789 --> 00:21:19,334
Sorry, but anyone over 30
likes an idea, it can't be good.
573
00:21:19,436 --> 00:21:20,597
That's just science, bruh.
574
00:21:20,694 --> 00:21:22,361
[Sighs]
40220
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