All language subtitles for After Youve Gone.s01e05.School of Hard Knocks

# After you've gone

# And left me crying

# After you've gone,
there's no denying

# Some day, when you grow lonely

# Your heart will break like mine,
and you'll want me only

# After you've gone,
after you've gone away. #

Have you been smuggling your clothes
into the children's laundry in the
hope that I'd iron it and wash it?

No.

Are you sure?

They're not mine.

Don't tell me they're Alex's,
they're older than he is.

Of course not.

They're Molly's.

Really?

Don't be so gender-specific.

Hi, Dad, erm, can I have some money?

Three seconds, that's a new record.

Molly, are these your pants?

HE WHISTLES A TUNE

Yes, definitely. Fashion!

Good, then you can put them away.

Erm, I think I'll come back
for those.

Ooh, these are really heavy!

If you're looking
for any more washing,

Molly also left some overalls
in the back of my van.

Ooh, look what I've just
found in Alex's pocket!

Morning, Gran.

What's for breakfast?
Breakfast finished at eight thirty.

It isn't a hotel, you know.

I knew that phrase would
come back to haunt me.

Don't you listen to the nasty lady,
your father will make you breakfast.

I'll have kedgeree, devilled kidneys
and a selection of cured meat.
There you go.

My compliments to the chef.

Oh, Diana, I might need
a little bit of help.

Well, you've got him using
a spoon, what more can I do?

I'd like you to stay with
the kids this weekend,

I'm going down to
Brighton with a friend.

Oh, a friend?
Or that what's-her-name...?

Siobhan. Oh, yes, the slutty one!

I wish!

Hey, Dad, you old dog!

I'll find a girl,
we'll come along with you.

It'll be like a double date
all weekend,

fish and chips on the pier,
ice cream, paddling.

I could bury you in the sand.

It's just stones at Brighton.

Even better.

I think that sounds lovely,
father and son time,

clean, wholesome, innocent fun.

Mmm, not quite the sort of
fun I had in mind. James!

So, you'll stay for the weekend?

Well, it's short notice,

but I'll consider it if you'll move
all the clutter out of that corner.

What? That's not clutter!

Just move it. Why?

I'm going to spend
a lot of time here,

so I need a desk, maybe a
reading light, and some bookshelves.

Why?

I had hoped we'd seen
the back of that guitar.

There's the back, there's the front,
want to see the back?

All I'm asking for is a desk in the
corner. Yeah, that's how it starts.

First, it's a desk, then

it's my freedom, then it's my soul.

Anyway, I've got plans
for that corner.

And I've got a map
of the moon, so what?

So, I'm gonna knock that wall
through, and build an arch.

Oh, wow, can I help? No.

Oh, I see, an archway,
cardboard boxes.

We're making this into a doss house!

Anne and I always wanted
to open up this room,
give it more of a Palladian feel.

I thought she always
wanted to stay married.

Yeah, but I can fix the arch.
Off you go, then.

What? You'd better make a start.

Well, not now, obviously.

Why obviously? Well, because it
needs careful thought, planning...

And you're a whizz at that.

Good, so my desk will go there,
bookshelves there...

OK, forget Brighton.
Now, just you watch,

I swear, on your life, if necessary,

there will be an arch through

that wall by sundown. Ha ha!

All right, by early
tomorrow afternoon.

What's that burning smell?

Oh! Your pants are on fire.

Urgh...

Very kind of you, Jimmy.

No, it isn't!
He's just trying to butter you up.

I don't need to butter up
dear old Kev.

My best mate, my esteemed colleague,
my strong right arm.

Come on, then, butter away.

No, that was it.

I want you to help me knock
through a wall this afternoon.

On a Saturday?

OK, I'll do it.

Well, I don't want to work
today either.

I've got plans with Siobhan
I'm going to have to cancel. Again.

Again? Do I always cancel?

It's not my business.

Yes.

Oh, here we go. Hi, babe! Hi!

Have you seen the weather?

It looks like it's
gonna be a glorious weekend
to get out of London.

Yeah, but I've heard
it's gonna rain later,

and, you know,
that Brighton traffic's a killer.

Really? Mmm, so I was thinking,
you know,

maybe this may not be
the best weekend to go.

I mean, it's just a thought.

Yeah, sure. The hotel won't mind,

we'll just get them to
cancel the reservation.

That shouldn't be a problem. Really?

I didn't make the reservation
in the first place.

Why not?

Oh, come on, Jimmy,
I knew you were going to cancel,

so I made other plans.
But WE had plans.

Yes, that you were
planning to cancel.

I wasn't planning to cancel, this
cancellation is very last minute,

but you PLANNED to make
other plans, I feel stood up.

Sorry, are you trying
to put the blame on me?

It is not about blame,
it is about...

avoiding blame.

I'll see you on Monday.

Ah, Jimmy, there you are.

Hold on, hold on...

What's going on? I told you

I was going to take over that corner.

And I told you I would
knock through that wall.

Yes, but when I say anything,
I follow through,

so my actual desk
trumps your virtual archway.

No, no, no, come on...

What is this? Oh, it was a keepsake.

It reminds me of my late husband.

Why? Did you murder him with it?

There's an idea!

I'd love to stay and chat,

but I have work to do,
and I don't need distractions.

Not even this letter
from Alex's school,

which I found
hidden in his sports bag? What?

Diana, you can't go snooping
through the children's things.

Well, why else would
I do their laundry?

It's benign pre-emptive surveillance.

You mean, spying.

You don't have to read it,
I don't want to dirty your hands.

I'm a decorator,
I've always got dirty hands.

You're such a pushover!

Hey, this is good.

No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

No, it isn't. Oh, I give up.

That's you all over.
No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

No, it isn't. How can this be bad?

It says here, Alex has a lively

mind with moments of brilliance.

Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy,
in teacher code,

"a lively mind" means "unfocused."

Teacher code? Yes, it's what

we use in letters to parents,

so we don't get sued or beaten up.

For example, "Tina
embraces a wide range of ideas"
means "Tina's a liar."

"Neil shows an advanced
use of vocabulary"

means Neil's a foul-mouthed oik.

So, when Miss Clifton said
I was borderline remedial...

It meant you were
borderline remedial.

There's nothing like that here.

Really? "Alex is enthusiastic",
that means "hyperactive".

"Articulate" means "doesn't shut up",

and "exceptional domestic
circumstances" means...

Close to the shops?

It means "broken home".

What the...? Bloody cheek,
this home isn't broken!

I mean, this room's a mess,
but I'm working on that.

If it isn't broken,
it's because I've kept it together,

well, and their mother, of course.

And me, I'm their father.
Right, weekends and holidays.

And most birthdays.

Do you even know
who your son really is?

Of course! He's Alex,
he's not the Hooded Claw...

Is he?

Go ahead, joke, but if you
don't deal with these things,

you'll end up irrelevant,
insignificant and inconsequential.

You'll be the invisible man.

In your opinion.

Aagh! The tape measure's floating.

Hi, what you up to?
Just teaching myself guitar.

Oh, the sign of a lively mind, eh?

Oh. You read the letter, then?

It's not so bad.

It's just, the teachers don't
think you're applying yourself,

but don't worry, your significant,
consequential and highly visible

dad is with you all the way.

I'll talk to your
teachers on Monday.

Erm...that's not a good idea.

Why not?

Well, for one thing,
they think you're dead.

Well, why on earth
would they think I'm dead?

Because I told them.

Well, you know, it was
easier than saying...

Mum and Dad have got a divorce,
so Dad's moved out,

and spends his empty hours
with a gaggle of weird friends,

while simultaneously combating
an incipient drink problem,

and that's why he doesn't come
to sports days or school plays.

I suppose, put like that, yeah.

Plus, they gave me a day off
for your funeral.

Did your mum know about this?

Oh, yeah.
Mum was quite taken with the idea.

Yeah, I bet she was.

Anyway, I did see you in a play,
I came to see you in Wizard Of Oz.

It's OK, Dad, I never minded
you not turning up to things.

I never expected it.

What is this, a conspiracy?

Has no-one on earth faith in me?

First your gran,
then Siobhan, now you.

You forgot Molly.

Listen, Alex, I was thinking,

we should spend more time together,
get to know each other, eh?

How about I help you
knock down that wall?

Oh, I don't know.
You know, knocking down a wall,
that's pretty skilled stuff.

I'll come to
Brighton with you.

On the other hand,
it's just whacking bricks.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Gran!

What are you doing? Just dusting.

With my T-shirt.

Well, what's it doing
on top of the wardrobe?

You tell me, you've been up
there longer than I have.

Have you seen what's written on this?

Oh, yeah! I really should
read my clothes before I buy them!

Don't get smart with me, young lady.
You know perfectly well what I mean.

And you know you were spying.

Well, if you didn't hide things
like this, I wouldn't have to spy.

It's not only age inappropriate,

it's degrading, and
factually inaccurate.

You're not a slut, and there's no
way you're going to ascend to the

throne in any scenario I can imagine.

What's the problem?
All my friends are wearing them.

Oh, so you want to be part
of the faceless herd, do you?

Er, yeah, that's the
whole point in fashion.

Can I have it back, please?

Fine. But have you any idea
what sort of signals you'll

be sending out with this?

You'll have every teenage lothario
slobbering after you like terriers

round a butcher's dustbin.

Really? It was only £6.99.

All I'm saying is, think about it.

Do you really want to
betray the feminist struggle?

Was it for this
we picketed Norman Mailer?

Was it for this
we flour-bombed Miss World?

You really did that? No, not me

personally, I've got better manners,

but countless suffragettes didn't
throw themselves under racehorses

just so that you could
flaunt yourself in a T-shirt
reading Slut Queen.

Lucky I didn't buy the one
that said Crack Whore.

See you later, Dad.
See you. Going somewhere nice?

I just need to get out for a while.

What's your gran said now?

Oh, she keeps giving me grief
over a T-shirt I bought.

Says it's "age-inappropriate".

You've got to understand
that your grandmother's

from a different generation,

she's not rock and roll, like us.

So, what T-shirt's that, then?
Oh, this one.

You're not going out wearing that.

But, Dad, we're rock and roll!

Well...obviously, but...

Yeah, thanks, Dad, bye!

Diana? Yes?

Did you see what Molly was wearing?

Unfortunately.

And you let her go out like that?

Well, so did you.
Because I'm the fun parent.

I'm the fusty grandmother
telling everyone what to do?

Exactly, let us all down!

Four-inch bolster.

This will show your gran.

That you're not an
unreliable waster. Exactly.

See, the most important tool

in the decorating trade is surprise.

Get them to lower
their expectations,

they'll be thrilled you
finished the job at all.

Sounds easy enough.
It's cos I make it look easy.

I'm like a swan, calm and serene
on the surface, but underneath...

Webbed feet.

That's right, Alex, webbed feet.

Can I have a go?
You think you're up to it? Yeah.

All right. OK.

HAMMER TAPS REPEATEDLY

What ARE you doing?

I'm getting to know my son.

Ah, bonding through vandalism.

Well, you know.

Taking him to a strip joint
seemed a bit sleazy, at this point.

Hmmm... Are you sure that's
not a load-bearing wall?

Of course I am.

Alex, hold it!

DOOR SHUTS

Hello, Molly.

Good morning, dear.

How are you? Oh, why bother asking?
Just read my diary(!)

If this is about the T-shirt...
It's not about the T-shirt.

It's about you not
respecting my privacy.

I do respect your privacy, Molly.

It's just, now and again,
I need to see you deserve my respect.

God, Gran, don't you ever give up?

Of course not.
I'm like the Terminator.

Yes, I do watch your
films occasionally,

although I thought Terminator III
didn't live up to its
previous incarnations.

Have you finished? The point is...

Obviously not. Look, Molly,
I've thought about this,

and I'm not going to tell you
to get rid of your T-shirt.

It's important that you arrive
at that decision yourself.

You'll be pleased to hear
that I HAVE thought about it. Good.

And, in the spirit of the feminist
struggle, I've decided to keep it.

Ah. My body, my choice.

Fortunately, I anticipated
your refusal,

which is why I've thrown
the T-shirt out myself.

I anticipated your anticipation,

and bought an identical replacement.

I am disappointed.
Well played, though!

It's not a game, Gran.

I just need to know I can trust you.

Well, guess what? I don't trust you.

HE WHISTLES A TUNE

Well, well, well.
So, what do you think?

Yeah, it's good.

It's really good, you're a natural.

Got the decorator's
tuneless whistle down, too.

Do you ever think about what
you'll do when you leave school?

I tend to come home.
It's good to have a goal.

What's your favourite subject?

Non-Euclidean Geometry.
What's your favourite colour?

Infra-red.

Why don't I go and make us
some lunch? And I'll keep working.

Who says you're unfocused!

Well, Gran, teachers...

Sorry, what was the question?

Oh, well, if you've
got nothing to do,

would you mind making some
hard-working men a spot of lunch?

Nothing special, maybe some
macaroni cheese, or a roast.

How about a sexist pig
with an apple in its mouth?

Time for your HRT shot.

You know, it's this kind of attitude

that chips away
at your daughter's self-respect.

Is this about the T-shirt?

Why can't I get through to her?

Because all day long you badger,
you nag and you lecture.

I know, and she still won't listen!

It's a shame, cos me and Alex
are getting on really well.

Don't worry about the food.

Alex! I'll get something
from the pub.

Oh!

It's great spending more
time with Alex.

I can't believe all those years
I wasted in here getting drunk.

Come on, Jimmy,
look on the bright side.

Those wasted years were the
most profitable of my career.

All right, boss.
Still planning to tackle that wall?

Oh, Kev, yeah, listen,
I won't need your help, after all.

Ah, you've decided to put it off
again. Wise choice.

No, no, I'm doing it,
I've just got Alex helping me.

Oh, but you still need a plasterer.
No, I've got one.

You've hired another plasterer?
No, I'm teaching Alex how to do it.

What, just like that?

It takes six years
to learn plastering.

No, Kev, it took YOU six years.

If you don't want to use me
any more, just say.

There's plenty more builders
in the sea.

I just popped in
to get some sandwiches, Kev, so...

You're buying him sandwiches?

You never bought ME sandwiches.

What's in them?
Prawn and mayonnaise. You never
bought me prawn and mayonnaise.

He must be something special.

Yes, he's my son.

Oh, yeah! I've heard that one before!

Look, Kev, I'm sorry, I...

I didn't want you
to find out like this.

How did you expect me to find out?

Were you gonna tell me at all?

Or were you just gonna leave me
sat at home waiting by the phone?

Sobbing. See? Bobby understands.

I'm gonna leave you two to chat.

Excuse me.

So, you're still wearing that?

Oh, this is a new one.
Gran threw the other one away.

You really want to
wind Gran up, don't you?

This isn't a wind-up, it's a matter
of principle. So young, so naive.

Gran spies on us. That's a given.

The only way to deal with it
is to sow the seeds of confusion.

Is that what you're doing now?

Flood them with information,

so they don't know what to believe.

I hid a copy of Brokeback Mountain
and a cowboy hat under my bed.

Gran's left me alone ever since.

So, you're never gonna
take that off, then.

What happens when
it starts to smell?

I haven't just got one,
there's this one,

one for when this one's in the wash,

one for sleeping in,
and a couple of spares.

So, you've got five. Mm-hm.

All saying "Slut Queen". Yep.

Can I have one?

Hi, Dad. Molly, I told you
about wearing that T-shirt.

No, you didn't.
Oh, no, I didn't, did I?

Well, how you getting on?
Fine, I've finished.

Really?

Alex!

What's this? You call this finished?

I didn't say it was finished,
I said I've finished.

What? I got bored so I stopped.

You stopped. Well, what if
Neil Armstrong had got bored and
stopped twenty miles from the moon?

That would never happen.
Of course it wouldn't.

For one thing, the lunar module's
momentum and gravity... Shut up.

It doesn't matter
how brilliant you are,

you'll never make
anything of yourself
if you don't stick at things.

I don't want to make anything of
myself, Dad. I want to be like you.

Really? Oi!

No, Dad, I mean...
You're your own man.

You do what you want to,
and you've managed OK.

Alex, are you insane?

I'm not a role model, look at me!

I'm divorced, I've lost my house.

I've settled for a so-so job,
because it pays the bills.

I rent a tiny flat above
a fish and chip shop,

I spend all my free time in a pub
and I don't even drink any more.

That's how sad it is.

They're good chips, Dad.

Is any of this actually going in?
Oh, yeah, I'm brilliant, remember?

There's nothing wrong
with being brilliant.

Well, yeah, until people find out.

I mean, with you,
it's OK, Dad, you know.

You just take me as I am,
but Gran...

She will never let go.

She'll squeeze every drop
of potential out of me
like a tube of toothpaste,

and she won't squeeze from
the middle like you, Dad.

She'll roll me up
from the bottom,

and then slice me open
and dip a brush in,

till there's nothing left but

the slight minty smell of lost youth.

Good point.

Oddly made.

Ask Molly. Gran just
won't let things be.

I know. And maybe that's why
she's better than me. What?

She sticks at things, Alex.
She follows things through.

She may be irritating,
overbearing and waspish,

but perhaps if I'd had someone
like your gran pushing me when

I was a kid, then maybe I'd have...

..got somewhere.

Thought you might like some tea.

Well, it's a start, I suppose.

How long have you been out there,
listening?

Excuse me? I came straight in.

Interesting.
It's just, this tea is stone cold.

Oh! Damn that kettle!

But I didn't hear a thing,
and I don't eavesdrop...

..but I'm sure if I had, I'd be very
flattered, in a waspish sort of way.

Thanks, Bobby.

What's the matter with him?

Don't ask.

He gives such mixed signals. Jimmy?

How do you deal with him?

All right. Dealing with Jimmy.

Never reserve a table
in a restaurant,

never buy cinema tickets
in advance,

never book a hotel room.

Why would I want to book
a hotel room with Jimmy?

That's a question
I often ask myself.

Oh, and never expect him
to compliment your hairstyle.

Oh, he's done that!

Oh!

Hi.

Look, I'm sorry, I've been an idiot.
I shouldn't have bailed on you.

I had a lot of things to work
through, but it's done now, so...

I want you to come back, Kev.

I might not want to come back.

I need you.

There's this loft conversion
starting on Wednesday.

I might be working
with someone else Wednesday.

You're not the only builder
and decorator in the world.

Don't play that game with me, Kev.
You know that's not true.

No other decorator would have you.

Well, you certainly know
how to hurt me, Jimmy.

But then, you know me so well.

Of course I wouldn't go to
someone else. You've spoiled me.

Oh, Sharon, Sharon, Sharon!

Hi, Gran. Hello, Molly,
hello, Ellie.

Got any blue cheese?
Yeah, through there.

You're looking very smart,

I'm glad you decided to cut
loose from the faceless herd.

Oh, yeah, school uniform
really does that for a girl.

But, now that I'm home...

Some things never go out of fashion.

I'm so glad you said that.

Gran!

There we are,
two slut queens together.

You can't wear that.

Why? Am I not a slut queen?

It's age-inappropriate!

Let's see what Ellie thinks.

OK, OK, fine. You win,
I'll go and take it off.

Don't forget to burn it.

Fine.

And the other four!

Aaagh!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk