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1
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# After you've gone
and left me crying
2
00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:10,480
# After you've gone,
there's no denying
3
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:14,600
# Some day when you grow lonely
4
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# Your heart will break like mine
cos you want me only
5
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# After you've gone,
after you've gone away. #
6
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,920
Any post for me?
7
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,920
Dad, you don't officially live here.
8
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I used to. OK, there's something
for "The Occupier". D'you want that?
9
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I'll take whatever I can get.
10
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Good Lord!
11
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They've opened a new pizza place!
12
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:49,320
Just what we need. How nice
of them to write to me about it.
13
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:54,760
What you got? Postcard from Mum. Oh?
14
00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,320
What does it say?
15
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,600
The usual. You know.
16
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,400
Molly. I CAN take it.
17
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,880
Thank you.
18
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,880
HE READS IT OUT, MUMBLING
19
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,800
"Africa's very hot...
20
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:13,520
"Hope it's not too grim at home
without us, love Mum and Howard!
21
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"Grim?
22
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,880
"Without us?
23
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,120
"Love Mum and Howard?"
24
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,720
You missed out "at home".
25
00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:25,840
Bloody cheek! We're doing
all right without her, aren't we?
26
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,920
I suppose so.
27
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,800
What do you mean "suppose so"?
Well, could be better.
28
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,880
Better? How? Tell me how and I will.
29
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:37,560
I'll fix it. When you're older,
I want you to look back on the time
30
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,680
I was in charge and think, "Those
were the happiest days of my life."
31
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,800
Can we have a party? No.
32
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,160
But Dad, we haven't had a party
for two whole years.
33
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:52,720
Since the pizza party that turned
into the "Emergency Services"
theme night. Oh.
34
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,440
You know about that?
It was on the news.
35
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:02,000
And your mum does tell me about
some things. Especially
if there's a bill involved.
36
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,000
Please! It would cheer us up.
37
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:08,160
Just a few hours this weekend,
where we can forget our mummy's
38
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,880
not here and remember what
39
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,880
a wonderful, wonderful dad you are.
40
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,680
Do you think I'm falling for that?
41
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,160
I'm hoping.
42
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,080
OK. Just a small party.
43
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,760
Daddy, thank you, you are great.
44
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:24,440
Great? What happened
to "wonderful, wonderful"?
45
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,760
The party's on! Hey.
46
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:30,160
So. A party?
47
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,440
A small one.
48
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,360
And what do we do about Gran?
49
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,200
Just won't tell her.
50
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,080
Oh, yeah, that's a plan.
51
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,760
Because of course it's not like
52
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,760
Gran to turn up any time she wants.
53
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Unannounced.
54
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:49,760
You're right. She's like
the Luftwaffe without the sirens.
55
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,720
Some party that would be.
Gran, in her tiara,
56
00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:55,800
passing round Twiglets and
57
00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:55,800
pamphlets on the prevention of STDs.
58
00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,000
It could just work.
59
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:03,840
Well, you'll have to think of
a way to keep her out of the house
that night. Why me?
60
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,760
You're the people person, Dad.
61
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:10,120
Your grandmother is not "people".
What we need is a horse whisperer.
62
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:15,640
OK, how about this? We kidnap her.
Bag over the head. Back of the van.
63
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,240
Stupid idea.
64
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,000
I like the image, but stupid idea.
65
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,640
Buckle up, I'm just getting started.
66
00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:26,080
What about we tell her
she's won a three-day pass
to the Guernsey Tomato Museum.
67
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:34,040
OK, Alex. Let's make an A-list
of suggestions and a B-list.
68
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,600
I'm putting yours on the B-list.
69
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,040
And then you're eating it.
70
00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:41,160
OK, I tried.
It's up to you now, big man.
71
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:52,960
You're letting your
kids have a rave?
It's not a rave, it's a small party.
72
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,840
Oh-ho, that's how they all start.
73
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,480
A small party. Yes.
Then they start texting each other.
74
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:05,120
It gets on the internet and before
you know it every crusty in South
London is pushing through your door.
75
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:10,120
With their glow sticks and whistles,
76
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:10,120
and their dogs on strings.
77
00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,200
Sounds wicked.
78
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,480
Do you always have to
look on the dark side?
79
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,280
That's the bright side.
80
00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:19,080
Wait till the police arrive.
81
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:23,520
I'll take my chances. If it makes
my kids happy, they can have a party.
82
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,760
Ooh, party! Where and when?
83
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,000
Jimmy's on Friday.
84
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,000
He's letting his kids have a party.
85
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,200
There's gonna be whistles.
86
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,520
You're such a great dad.
87
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,000
See. Teenage parties!
88
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,880
I remember my 16th.
89
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:41,040
Everyone dressed up. Dancing.
90
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,640
Sex on my parents' bed.
91
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,960
You are so easy to wind up.
92
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,320
So your mother-in-law
has agreed to this?
93
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,800
I don't need Diana's approval.
94
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,840
These are my children,
this is my house, my decision.
95
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,760
You haven't told her.
96
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,960
I'm not an idiot.
97
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:02,200
I just need to think of a way
of keeping Diana out of the house.
98
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,480
Intriguing. So what's your plan?
99
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,600
Well, it's early days yet.
But I was thinking...
100
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,560
Kidnap her. Bag over the head.
101
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,600
Back of the van.
102
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,520
Sounds like our first date.
103
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:19,240
I don't have a clue.
Again, like our first date!
104
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:24,960
Well, if you want to make sure she
doesn't come round, you've got to
keep her away for the whole evening.
105
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:30,000
Take her out for dinner.
Are you insane? Says the man who's
letting his kids have a rave.
106
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,600
It's not a rave.
107
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,480
Come on, Jimmy. There are
some things you've got to do.
108
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,200
Just hold your nose and get on
with it. Like your first date?
109
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,160
Just trying to join in.
110
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,960
TV PLAYS
111
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,080
Aren't you doing your homework?
112
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,560
Yup. I'm doing it now. Really?
113
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,240
While you're watching TV?
114
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,160
I'm multi-tasking.
115
00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,680
You poor dear.
Let me lighten your workload.
116
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,720
SWITCHES TV OFF
117
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,600
If I was at Open University,
I could watch TV and learn.
118
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:10,640
Or if I did Media Studies. But you'd
never let me do that. Who's Josh?
119
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:13,600
Gran! Sorry, not Josh.
120
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,320
Rather Josh, Josh, Josh?
121
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,000
That's my history
notebook and it's private.
122
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,200
I don't remember a Josh, Josh,
Josh in the Russian Revolution.
123
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:26,000
Oh, that's right, he was
a comrade of Lenin, Lenin, Lenin.
124
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,000
That takes me back.
125
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,840
Writing boys' names over and
over again when I fancied them.
126
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,040
I do not fancy Josh.
127
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:36,240
Of course you're not going to
admit to it. I understand that.
128
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:40,120
I used to advise your mother
about boys. Yeah,
but did she listen? Of course not.
129
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,000
She married your father.
130
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,680
I'm home!
131
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,560
Good to see you too, love?!
132
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,320
James. Diana. Hi. I wanted a word...
133
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,280
Must you wash your hands
in the sink?
134
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,600
Unless you can figure out how a
decorator is supposed to get through
135
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:03,160
a day's work without getting
paint on his hands. Be neater?
136
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,400
Use gloves? Become a lawyer.
137
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,040
It was a rhetorical question.
138
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,720
I think you'll find it
was the dependent clause
of a conditional sentence.
139
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,880
Oh, we don't have chats
like this nearly enough!
140
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,640
We must do this more often. Right.
141
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:23,440
In fact, why don't we go
for dinner on Friday night?
142
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,400
Have a chat about the kids.
143
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,280
But why can't we chat
about the kids now?
144
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,760
Then we won't have anything
to talk about over dinner.
145
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:34,200
But then we wouldn't
146
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:34,200
have to go out for dinner. Exactly.
147
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,960
What's going on? Come on, Diana.
148
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,160
For the kids. My treat.
You choose the restaurant.
149
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:44,960
I don't know if I know anywhere
in your price range. And if I did,
I wouldn't want to eat there.
150
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,760
You choose somewhere special.
151
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,800
Somewhere without
fluorescent lighting, if you like.
152
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:53,080
Oh. I see! What? Please.
153
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,480
Do you think I was born yesterday?
154
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,280
Definitely not.
155
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,720
I know what you're doing. You do?
156
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,880
Yes. I can see you've realised
you need my guidance.
157
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,840
You're right, Diana. I really do.
158
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,000
We're in this together, aren't we?
We're a team.
159
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:17,000
All right, I'll come. But if you ask
for brown sauce, I'm walking out.
160
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,800
KNOCK ON DOOR
161
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:25,160
So. You and my ol' pal Josh, eh?
Ring-a-ding ding!
162
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,400
Alex! You were eavesdropping!
163
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,560
No, I just looked in your history
notebook like everyone else.
164
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,200
God, you'd think that was
the only book in the house.
165
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,960
Anyway, I don't "fancy" Josh.
Just when I'm bored.
166
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:42,800
You won't mind if I cross him off my
party list, then? Let me see. Only
if I can see who you're inviting.
167
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,360
Your list of friends
is longer than mine.
168
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,680
Well, d'uh!
169
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:58,080
I don't see Wendy here. Wendy?
170
00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,920
God, no. She's too embarrassing.
171
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:03,960
She gets tanked up on cider,
throws up and goes round snogging
every boy in sight.
172
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,040
Really? I had no idea.
173
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,160
Are you inviting Josh or not?
174
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,840
Maybe, maybe not.
175
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:18,200
If you want to get inside the
176
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:18,200
castle, you've got to be nice to
177
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:18,200
the gatekeeper. OK, I'll trade you.
178
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,520
Josh for Woodpecker Wendy. Done.
179
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,120
And there is one other thing.
Alex, we are not having
a theme for our party.
180
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,040
Oh, go on. A tiny little theme. No.
181
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:31,480
Fancy dress is childish,
stupid and pathetic.
182
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,880
And what's the downside?
183
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,520
Alex! Everyone's going to be
here in an hour. Come on, help.
184
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,840
I am helping. I'm making a playlist.
185
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:49,200
Let's see, we've got some
Kaiser Chiefs, some Killers,
186
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:53,360
bit of Beyonce, followed by
187
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:53,360
a blast of "Teach Yourself Spanish".
188
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,240
Krunky!
189
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,560
Ta-dah!
190
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:01,080
What is that? Nothing says "party"
191
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,320
like a cheesy pineapple hedgehog.
192
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:10,040
No, you mean nothing says
"grotty '70s wife swap".
193
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,200
Excuse me, this is my speciality.
194
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,200
I spent two hours working on this.
195
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,880
Then I found the tin opener.
196
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,720
I think it's great, Dad.
197
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:24,240
Where else do you find two
of the principal food groups
in the form of an insectivore?
198
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:28,760
I just hope there's enough
to go round otherwise
there's going to be a riot.
199
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:33,200
Do you know what we used to do
at parties when I was your age?
Hide from the Vikings?
200
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,400
Dad, you don't have to help.
201
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,400
It's enough just keeping Gran away.
202
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,520
Well I'm glad you
appreciate my efforts.
203
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:44,240
I feel like I'm going out there
drawing fire for you kids,
maybe even taking a bullet.
204
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,480
You're only having dinner with Gran.
205
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,680
Do you want to do it?
No, it's all right.
206
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,120
Adieu, mon capitaine.
207
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,000
IN FRENCH ACCENT: We will never
forget your sacrifice.
208
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,480
Come, let me kiss you
on both cheeks. Get away!
209
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,040
Bye, Dad. We will be fine.
210
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:03,560
Now look, I'm not going far.
211
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:08,160
So I don't want to hear sirens,
see blue flashing lights
or come back to an empty shell.
212
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:11,240
I'm trusting you both
not to let me down. Right? Right.
213
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,480
You won't regret this.
214
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,800
And I want no smoking. Of any kind.
215
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:20,600
No drinking. And no dogs on strings!
216
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:24,720
And if anyone wants to be sick,
they can save it for the bus home.
217
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,520
OK, fine. No need to hurry back.
218
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,680
And don't play any of my CDs.
219
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:31,200
What? No Meatloaf?
220
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,720
We're going to have
to cancel the party?!
221
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:38,280
And use the bedrooms
only for what they were intended.
222
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:45,080
Coats.
223
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,880
MUSIC PLAYS FROM THE HOUSE
224
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,800
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
225
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,800
Hi, Josh! Fancy seeing you here.
226
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,760
DOOR BELL RINGS
227
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,760
Ooh!
228
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,960
Hi, Molly.
229
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,080
Hi, Bradley.
230
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,640
Alex! You told them
it was fancy dress, didn't you?
231
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,600
I don't know
what you're talking about.
232
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,600
SHE SQUEALS
233
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,800
HE SNIFFS
234
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,800
You'll get away with that.
235
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,840
Just take my wrap.
236
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:55,200
Very well, madam.
237
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,920
Good evening, madam.
Good evening, sir.
238
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,440
Thank you.
239
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,520
Now, let's have a look.
240
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:23,680
God! Have you seen the prices?
Yes, I have been here before.
241
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:29,360
And I'd like to think I could
come here again. Don't show me up,
Jimmy. How could I show you up?
242
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:30,840
Look, I'll pay.
243
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,680
No, no, Diana. It was my idea.
244
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,640
You don't stint yourself.
Just order whatever you like.
245
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,560
Then when the bill comes, I'll hide
in the sweet trolley and you push.
246
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,800
Their insalata tricolore
is very good.
247
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,400
Eh?
248
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,240
Insalata tricolore.
249
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,680
Yes. Brilliant player.
250
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,880
Look, I'll order for both of us.
251
00:13:53,880 --> 00:14:00,720
Hold on. "Seared Cornish mackerel
served on a spond of horseradish."
252
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,960
A "spond"?
They've just made that word up.
253
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,680
No, they haven't.
254
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,360
All right then, what is a "spond"?
255
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,120
I think it means...
256
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,160
the horseradish is presented...
in a...sort of...
257
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,200
well, spondal...fashion.
258
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,280
You don't know either, do you?
259
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,920
Let's get some drinks.
260
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,800
POP MUSIC PLAYS
261
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:34,840
SONG ENDS
262
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:39,280
'Mi paella esta demasiado picante'.
Alex!
263
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,080
'My paella is too spicy.'
264
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,920
TURNS MUSIC ON
265
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,200
So, Wendy...
266
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,880
..did you bring some cider?
267
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,720
Nah. I decided I don't need drink
to have a good time.
268
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,800
Don't you?
269
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:12,920
Nah, I've changed. No more drinking
and throwing up for me. Oh.
270
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:16,600
Right.
271
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:23,240
I don't suppose
you're still a snogger? Oh, yeah.
272
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,480
So, James, about the children.
273
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,440
What about them?
That's why we're here, isn't it?
274
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,960
Right, well...
275
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:47,040
um... Is it Molly? Er...yeah,
if you like. It's Molly.
276
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,760
Yeah. She misses her mum.
277
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:53,400
She had a postcard from her
and Howard this morning.
278
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,360
Molly does not like Howard.
279
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:58,560
She doesn't like him at all.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
280
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,040
Why? What did she say?
281
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,320
Well, she didn't actually say
anything. But I could tell.
282
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:05,840
The paternal instinct.
283
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:14,160
What's wrong?
284
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,400
Nothing. Really?
285
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,880
Ohhhh, I see. You? And him?
286
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,280
Ssh. Please. He'll notice me.
287
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,120
He said he was in Harrogate.
288
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,680
There's more to you
than meets the eye.
289
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,960
I wish I could say the same.
Now drop it.
290
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:36,120
You sly old bird.
291
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,160
Those nights when I thought
you were hitting the sherry
292
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:42,360
all alone, you were out on
the tiles with the silver fox.
293
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:47,360
Oh, shock-horror. Jimmy Venables
doesn't know every detail of
his mother-in-law's private life.
294
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,440
Is he a teacher, too? Chemistry.
295
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,360
Unmistakeably, but is he a teacher?
296
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:56,200
Ha-ha.
HE SINGS: # Di's got a boyfriend! #
297
00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:03,400
Jimmy, a) I'm not accountable to
you and b) Laurence. Laurence, oooh.
298
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,200
Laurence is not my boyfriend.
299
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,800
Come on! There's nothing between him
and me. We just have sex.
300
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,840
POP MUSIC PLAYS
301
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:28,400
Josh hasn't shown up.
How can you tell?
302
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,040
Ellie, Josh wouldn't be
in fancy dress.
303
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,440
He's the only non-geeky friend
Alex has got. Molly!
304
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,600
Oh, hi, Josh.
305
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:47,000
Wow! You look...great.
306
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:47,000
SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
307
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:53,440
The waiter
won't come till you close your menu.
308
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,080
What's he doing now?
309
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,040
Go on, look. But don't look.
310
00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,800
Diana, I'm starving.
311
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,880
That "spond" is starting to sound
pretty tasty. Please, can we order?
312
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,600
No. Keep spying.
313
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,320
All right. He's reading the menu.
314
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,560
And now?
315
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,280
He's still reading the menu.
316
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:17,200
No, wait! What?
He's taken a sip of water.
317
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,440
Oh, stop it!
318
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:21,800
What now?
319
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,520
Oh, it's just more of the same old
thing. Menu, sip, menu, sip.
320
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,000
Come on, let's order.
Something's happened, hasn't it?
321
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,760
I can tell.
322
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,520
Yes, he's taken a breadstick.
323
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,400
You're useless.
If you want something doing...
324
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:51,080
I see. Look, Diana - there's
bound to be a simple explanation,
it's probably his daughter.
325
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:56,120
Jimmy, I'm fine. I'm an adult. He's
with another woman. Not necessarily.
326
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,480
Loads of blokes wear dresses
these days.
327
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,240
Is that meant to be comforting,
somehow?
328
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:18,040
Just so we don't waste another
329
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:18,040
20 minutes, I'm wearing a sports bra.
330
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:19,680
I do know what I'm doing.
331
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,360
I need a cider.
332
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,400
Help...
333
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,240
Look, why don't we just leave?
334
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,480
Absolutely not.
335
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,560
I introduced him to this restaurant.
336
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,560
It's my restaurant.
337
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,560
I was here first.
338
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,880
It's not the Middle East, Diana.
Come on...
339
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,200
Sit down!
340
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,040
Diana?
341
00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,600
Oh, God. Now he's seen me.
342
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,800
Don't blame me.
I'm not the shouty one.
343
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,880
Hello, Laurence.
What are you doing here?
344
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,600
I see you've brought
a little friend.
345
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,680
I didn't realise
they did a Kiddies' Menu.
346
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:18,640
Come on, Diana...you're the one
who didn't want our relationship
to be exclusive. What?
347
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:23,600
Oh, Laurence, let me introduce
you to MY young friend...Dirk.
348
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,000
Dirk? Really, Diana...you and...
349
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,960
It's not you.
350
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,800
Well, maybe you don't know me.
351
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:40,000
Dirk and I are very...hot.
Come here, Tiger!
352
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,400
Oh, please. Come on, babe...
353
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,120
we're amongst friends.
354
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:57,400
Let's get out of here...Hot lips...
355
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,280
Yes, let's.
356
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,320
Your place or mine?
357
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,480
Good night.
358
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:10,560
Are things not to your satisfaction?
Our satisfaction lies elsewhere.
359
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,120
Shame you didn't do that earlier.
360
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:29,560
Oh, ha ha. Cheeky lout.
361
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:32,280
Did you see the expression
on his face?
362
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,160
We're not such a bad team.
363
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,760
No, you're right.
364
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,560
But don't you ever kiss me again!
365
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,760
Ow!
366
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,040
And thank you.
367
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,360
Diana, I said you don't need
to drop me at home.
368
00:21:57,360 --> 00:22:02,720
I just want to make sure I've got
your agreement that we are never
mentioning this again. Don't worry.
369
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,800
My lips are sealed. Shame you didn't
do that earlier!
370
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,560
Night. Night.
371
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:18,880
Molly!
372
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:25,400
They're back! Code Red! Code Red!
373
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,400
Bye, Diana. Is that a prawn?
374
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:41,480
Night, Mr Venables. Night...
375
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,200
OK, What's going on?
376
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:50,920
I don't know. I was with you.
They're having a party!
377
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:55,240
A party? No! How could they?
378
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,800
How dare they?
379
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,760
The little scamps!
380
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,120
Molly! Alex!
381
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:04,040
DOOR SLAMS
382
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,040
Molly? Hi, Gran.
383
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,160
I'm making coffee. Like one?
What's going on?
384
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,800
What do you mean?
385
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:12,400
Did someone leave this house
dressed as a prawn?
386
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:20,280
Just some guy collecting
for the London to Brighton
Shellfish Fun Run.
387
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:21,560
So, how was your dinner?
388
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,640
BOTH: Nothing happened!
389
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,000
Right. Well, it's been
totally boring here, too.
390
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,480
And what are these?
391
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:51,880
Prawn crackers. It was part of the
the 'Save The Shellfish' Campaign.
392
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,880
Hmm.
393
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,480
And what's this
unfortunate creature?
394
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:16,080
It's a cheesy pineapple hedgehog.
395
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,080
Dad made it for dinner.
It's my favourite.
396
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:26,040
Yes. And it tastes as good
as it looks. Not as bad, actually.
397
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,840
Unless you are lactose intolerant.
398
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,640
But you are fairly broad-minded
in most things.
399
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,600
Why don't you try some?
400
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,160
Just one spine.
401
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:41,360
Oh, for God's sake,
how stupid do you think I am?
402
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:43,960
Alex!
403
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:47,040
I'm a teacher.
I know the smell of teenage boy.
404
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,040
In here, now!
405
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:58,240
Dear, dear, dear.
406
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,120
I'm very disappointed in all of you.
407
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:05,080
You've not only let me down,
you've let yourselves down.
408
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:09,520
And equally dispiriting,
you've conspired
and colluded behind my back.
409
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,600
Dad said we could have a party.
410
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:18,680
This is not only about a party,
this is about trust. But, Gran...
411
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:20,840
Alex, go upstairs and change.
I can't upbraid a lobster.
412
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:30,360
HE MIMICS MOLLY: Dad said we could
have a party. Sorry, I panicked.
413
00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:35,080
If we're to survive as a family
till your mother gets back, we
can't keep secrets from each other.
414
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,160
I thought we were a team.
415
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,680
I know how you feel, Diana.
I just didn't want trouble.
416
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:44,320
That's just typical, isn't it?
Jimmy Venables always
taking the easy way out.
417
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,680
OK. Yeah, you're right.
418
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,960
I do always take the easy way out.
419
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,480
I try and do the right thing
420
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:57,000
but I always end up paying "lip
service", if you know what I mean.
421
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:06,200
What you've just said is
the "slap in the face" I needed.
422
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,680
You know, perhaps
I was overreacting.
423
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,360
It was just a party. Do you think?
424
00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:14,200
Subject closed.
425
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,040
OK.
426
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,360
Good night, Molly. Night.
427
00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:21,920
Night, Diana. Lock up when you go.
428
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,120
HE GROWLS
429
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:33,200
# After you've gone
and left me crying
430
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:37,400
# After you've gone,
there's no denying
431
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,520
# Some day when you grow lonely
432
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:45,680
# Your heart will break like mine
for you want me only
433
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:51,200
# After you've gone
after you've gone away. #
434
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,960
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2007
435
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:58,400
Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk
51443
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