All language subtitles for Superior.Donuts.S02E17.Balls.and.Streaks.1080p.Amazon.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-QOQ

Yeah! Right!

Hey, everyone, donuts on the
house, I got great news.

Helen Mirren finally
wrote you back?

Danny Malone is quarantined
in Ireland

with hoof and mouth disease.

Hey, hey!
Yes!

Why are we celebrating
a guy getting sick?

Free donuts.

Don't ask questions.

Danny Malone has been
to every Cubs Opening Day game

for the last 43 years,

and they always do something
about him on the news.

Well, now his streak is over,

and I'm the one
with the longest active streak.

I'm gonna be on television.

Been waiting for this
my whole life.
FRANCO: Well, to be fair,

for a big chunk of that,
there was no television.

My whole life, I've always been
kind of been anonymous,

you know, I never won anything,

I've never been
in the spotlight.

It'd be nice to have
a little hoopla.

RANDY: You know, Arthur,
I might see you at Wrigley.

I'm gonna be out there
busting ticket scalpers.

They're putting me up
with another detective.

I'm gonna
meet him here tomorrow.

So it's like a blind date,
but you know

there's going
to be handcuffs.

Clean it up, Tart 'n' Tiny.

Dirty talk's not a
good look on you.

Oh, that's exciting,
your first time undercover.

Uh, I don't know.

You know, I-I talked
to the guy on the phone.

He seemed a little intense.

Plus, you know,
I like working on my own.

Just me and whatever drunk guy

I'm slamming
up against the windshield.

Hey, I could invite
my cousin Marcus, man.

He's back in town
and he's a big fan.

Good luck getting tickets.

I looked online,
and they were 392 bucks.

That's funny, 'cause, uh,
my credit card company called me

about an attempted charge
for 392 bucks.

That's a coinkydink--
oh, I got to go feed my meter.

Yeah.

He ain't got a car.

Unless he used
your credit card to buy one.

See? Much better.

We don't need that filth.

Oh, that reminds me,
I got to call my buddy Vern,

find out if I can use his Cubs
tickets on Opening Day.

That's cool Arthur's gonna be
on the Chicago news, man.

It's gonna be murder, governor
indicted, another murder,

and then him.

Carol? Arthur Przybyszewski.

Uh, I'm calling for Vern.

What? No-- oh, my God.

What happened?

Vern died on Friday.

I'm sorry, man.

My condolences, Carol.

Vern was a very good man

with very good seats
in the shade.

I'll just respect Vern's
wishes and swing by

and pick up those tickets, huh?

Wait, he's being buried
with them?

Will the wake be open casket?

Carol?

Just lost my tickets.

And that woman
just lost her husband.

Well, she can get remarried.

There's only one Opening Day.

Well, maybe Vern's widow'll
give you those tickets

if you kick some
dust off her mound.

You see, Sofia, since
we're talking baseball,

I used the word "mound" to
describe her lady parts.

Leave the dirty talk
to the master.

♪

Sweatpants, that ticket site

you told me about stinks.

Why do they make you
order your food

before they give you your seats?

I said StubHub.

You're on Grubhub.

Look, here they are:
Cubs tickets.

Oh, come on,
I can't afford that.

Well, maybe we can all pitch in
and help you out.

Yeah, you got to keep
the streak alive.

Okay, great.

Uh, I need 1,200 bucks.

Oh, uh...
Oh.
Oh, whoa.

Yeah, I wasn't participating.
I'm sorry.

TUSH:
I have a Cubs connection.

Anthony Rizzo and I
have the same facialist.

She's the only one I've met
that knows where my face stops

and the top of my head begins.

It's about right...

right there.

FRANCO:
Hey, everybody,

meet my cousin Marcus.
Hey-hey.
Hey.

Yeah, we, uh, we
grew up together.

We used to reenact all the
dance scenes from House Party.

I was Kid and he was Play.

Should we show 'em?

Nah, put your leg down.

So he's back in town,
and he's staying with me

for a couple weeks.

Where'd you move from?
Oh, uh,

downstate.
TUSH:
Whereabouts?

Pontiac.

Oh, yeah, where the prison is.

How long did you live there?

Well, it was supposed
to be five years,

but I got out after three.

Marcus spent some time
in prison, but he paid his dues,

and now I'm helping him
look for a job.
TUSH:
Marcus,

I happen to be kind of an expert
in the gig economy.

I would love to spend
the afternoon sharing my wisdom.

You're not gonna need
a whole afternoon.

FRANCO: Actually,
I was thinking, Arthur,

you might have something.

Huh
Yeah.

You were talking about
doing that delivery service.

I mean, Marcus would
be perfect for it, man.

He's a great driver.
Is he?

Yeah, well-well, uh,
let me think about it.

MARCUS:
Cool.

I'll leave my résumé.
It's nice to meet y'all.

All right, be good.

Bye, now.

Well, I thought about it,
and, uh, no.

'Cause he went to prison?

Yo, he made one stupid mistake.

You know, he was hanging
with the wrong people,

and next thing you know,
they're robbing a bank,

and he's driving
the getaway car.

Well, he wasn't very good at it,
since he didn't get away.

He's actually a great driver.

And he can handle a truck,
no problem.

Even if people
are shooting at him.

Well, this is Chicago,
so they will be.

Come on, man,
you gave me a chance.

Well, my heart's big enough
for a misdemeanor,

but not a felony.

SOFIA:
Arthur,

Marcus did his time.

He deserves a clean slate.

Oh, cry me a river.

Which he should be sent up. The.

What? English is
my second language.

No, listen, uh, listen,
I-I'm sorry, kid, he's a felon.

The fact is, once a criminal,
always a criminal.

I hear you. Sometimes
I feel like I'm just arresting

the same person
over and over again.

So you don't believe that people
can be rehabilitated?

No, I do.

But the odds are
against them.

70% of them end up
back in jail.

And when they get out,
nobody trusts them.

So they fall back into the same
cycle that landed them in jail

in the first place.

Wow, Tush, you really
care a lot about this.

Well, I went through it
with my brother.

You have a brother in jail?
Yeah.

He did drugs, dealt
drugs, smuggled drugs.

He just can't seem
to get his life together.

Well, I'm not an expert, but it
might have something to do

with all the drugs.

But that's why we got
to help Marcus, man.

I don't want him
going back to prison.

Yeah, well, that's great, but
I don't want any part of that.

Really? You ain't
gonna help him?

This ain't just some dude,
man, it's-it's family.

And he's a good guy.

Look, I-I'm not gonna risk
my business for some ex-con.

Whatever, man.

Yo. Check this out:

front row seats
for 60 bucks each.

Really? That cheap
for Opening Day?

No, these are for
the musical Pippen.

About Scottie Pippen,

starring Tyler Perry.

Since this is your first time
undercover, I figured

we'd discuss our characters
and get our stories straight.

Uh, is that really necessary?

Yeah. If those scalpers get
one whiff we're cops,

they're running.

So, who do you want to be?

How about, uh, Lady Who Wants
to Buy Cub Tickets?

Where is this lady from?

Is her name Rebecca?

Does she do yoga?

Fine. Fine.

Uh, my name is Linda.

Linda what?

Linda Oh-bite-me. I'm Irish.

Look, Detective Whitley,
I think I can handle this.

I've been a cop for 30 years.

But you just became a detective,

so maybe you need
to follow my lead?

Okay.

The Cubs are playing
the Pirates.

We'll be Roy and Gingie Mendler
from Pittsburgh.

Roy's an EMT, but he also did
two tours in Iraq.

Oh, yeah

First tour, Fallujah,
second tour, Basra.

Wait a second. Roy Mendler,

and you were in Basra?
Mm-hmm.

I think we met.

Um...

Roy's not real, Fawz.

Or am I?

Ha. Classic Roy.

Okay.

Let's go down
to the precinct.

We need to go over
our wardrobe, our hairstyles,

and figure out
our relationship history.

How long have we been married?

Too long.

Yo, what up, cousin?

Just hanging, my brother.

I was talking
to my actual cousin, Marcus.

Oh.

You find a job yet?

Nope. Every application
I fill out,

they ask me
if I committed a felony,

and when I say yes,
suddenly I'm not qualified.

Which is just
plain discrimination.

I've had plenty of jobs
I wasn't qualified for.

Did you know I was once
an optometrist for two weeks?

And follow.

Man, stop.

Look, hey, don't worry
about it, man, we're
gonna find you something.

Oh, Marcus does have
some good news.

Oh, yeah, Arthur,

you were looking for tickets
to the Cubs game, right?

I got two.

For Opening Day?

Well, how'd you get 'em?

Oh, one of my homies
hooked me up.

Wow, thank you.

What do I owe you?

Oh, they're on me.
Just enjoy the game.
Wow.

Wow. That is way too generous.

Yeah, it really, really is.

Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah, you know what?
You know what?

You're welcome to all
the donuts you can eat.

Uh, uh, limit two.

Well, maybe there's
another way you can repay

this trustworthy,
upstanding citizen.

Oh, u-uh, yeah.

I-I'm looking
for a delivery guy.

I-It's not full-time,

but it'll put a little change
in your pocket.

Seriously?

That would be great.

Yeah. Why don't you
swing by tomorrow,

and we'll get you started.

Cool. Later, Tush.
A'ight.

BOTH:
Ain't gonna hurt nobody.

Oh, damn.

Whoa, these are great seats.

Must've cost a fortune.

Of course. Why bother
stealing cheap ones?

You don't think
they're stolen, do you?

No, of course not!

I'm going to Opening Day!

See? And it's all working out,
you know?

Help out my cousin, he gives you
some free baseball tickets,

you take me as your guest,

maybe buy me some nachos,
maybe a jersey...

All right, all right,
all right, you can go.

You can go.
Thank you.

Who's gonna mind the shop?

I'm free. I can do it.

All right. It's only
for a few hours, anyway.

Yes!

We 'bout to turn up!

Okay, okay,
I'm-a put the DJ over here,

and the pick-your-own-toppings
bar over here.

You will sell donuts,
you will say nothing.

Right.
Flew too close to the sun.

♪

Go, Pirates!

I'm a traitor.

Whoo-hoo!

I hate myself.

What are you doing?
We need to stay in character.

I told you that we
don't need that stuff.

Let's just wing it.

This guy looks suspicious.

Hey.

So, you sellin'?

Yeah, yeah, I'm selling...

Officers.

What are you talking about?

My husband and I just want
to buy some tickets.

Yeah. My wife Gingie
and me-- I'm Roy--

we're the Mendlers.

We just drove in
from Pittsburgh.

Actually, Beaver Falls.

It's a small town
outside of the city.

Okay.

Uh, so, about those tickets...

We moved there
for the schools.

Roy Jr., he has a lazy eye,

and they have
a great program for that.

And that's why we love
the Pirates-- the eye patch.

Yeah. Our son has
a lot of problems.

Just like his dad.

Every Cubs fan loves
Opening Day,

but not as much
as Arthur Przybyszewski.

Yeah, he gave me the day off.
Shout to my boy Sweatpants.

Blip-blip!
H-Hey.

Arthur here has the longest
active attendance streak

for the Cubs
home opener.
Yep, yep.

Replacing Danny Malone,
to whom I'd like to say:

Get well soon, and suck it.

Wow. What an amazing
accomplishment.

Yeah. And when I'm done here,

I'm gonna celebrate
at Superior Donuts,

located at Argyle and Kenmore,

the official donut
of Major League Baseball.

I'm a hundred percent
sure you can't say that.

And little Judy,
she's allergic to milk,

so I have to buy
this soy substitute

that they sell
at a market downtown.

Why is he telling me all this?

I'll tell you why.

Because he's
a detail-obsessed weirdo

that doesn't trust me
to speak for myself.

At least I'm not a know-it-all
who won't listen to anyone.

How can I not listen?
You talk nonstop!

You are
so critical.

Oh, for God's sake,
would you shut up?

You're giving me a migraine!

Okay, okay. I'm convinced.

You're married.

You fight worse than my parents.

And they shot each other.

They're still together.

You know, they're Catholic.
42 years. God bless.

Okay, so, I got
bleacher seats, $300 here.

Okay, you're under arrest.
Aw, crap.

Man...

at first I thought you were
just crazy and annoying,

but that actually worked.

I'm not crazy.

The truth is, Fallujah
really did a number on me.

Oh, my God.

You actually served in Iraq?

Nope, I'm just that good.

Well, it looks like
it's game time.

Let's watch
as Arthur Przybyszewski

walks into the record books.

So, uh, Marcus really
came through, huh?

I am so excited.

I'm telling you right now,
if you and me get on Kiss Cam,

it's happening.

Ooh.
It's okay, sir.

And congratulations.
Ooh. Thanks.

Random check.
Ah, damn it.

What's wrong?

This ticket's no good.

No. Try it again.

Hey, I got it.
Here, try mine.

Sorry, can't let you in.
These aren't working.

You know why it's not working?
Because your cousin

gave us stolen tickets.
Why would he do that?

'Cause he's a crook.

Step aside.
Huh?

You're holding up the line.
Don't worry about it.

We're getting out
of your way, all right?

Oh, look-- Helen Mirren!
Hey! Come on.

All right, all right,
I'm going.

ELAINE:
Well, I'm not sure

what just happened,
but it looks like

this super fan's
streak is over.

Superior Donuts--
the best damn donuts...

...in Chicago.

Interesting.

I've never seen the shop
from this perspective before.

Like, as an entrepreneur
who turned their passion

into a successful business?

No. I've never stood
in this actual spot before.

You think too much.

Guess who set
a new record today.

We busted 27 scalpers.

Uh, I think they prefer the
term "Native Americans."

Well, Mrs. Mendler,
I got to run.

Thanks for the ride,
Mr. Mendler.

Hey, great job
on your first day undercover.

Well, I had a really
good teacher.

Your attention to
detail was amazing.

Like when you threatened
to divorce me

because of the way I eat soup.

Where did that come from?

My wife divorced me
because of the way I eat soup.

You know, I got divorced
because of soup, too.

I threw a can at his head.

Hey, um,

you want to have dinner
sometime?

Yeah. Sure.

But maybe we
should avoid any food

that you threw
at your husband.

FAWZ:
There he is!

We saw you on TV
and on the Internet.

World'sOldestCriminals.com.

Arthur, are you okay?

: Yeah,
I just pulled a muscle.

No, I mean emotionally--
because that was sohumiliating.

I mean...

That was a real disaster.

You brought a lot of joy
to a lot of people today.

What happened?

I was embarrassed on TV
because his criminal cousin

gave me counterfeit tickets.
L-Let's just figure out

what happened
before we go blaming him.

I'm not blaming him--
I'm blaming you!

You told me
I should trust him, huh?

I'm never gonna
trust youanymore.
Yo, you only listened

to me when there were
free tickets in your hand.

I don't know why you Americans
are so obsessed with baseball.

You know, my cousin took
me out to the ball game.

Bought me some peanuts
and Cracker Jacks.

I don't care if
I evergo back.

At least you learned the song.

What song?

Hey, guys. Just picking up
that order for Loyola.

Yeah, well, don't bother.
You're fired.

What?
Ho-Hold on, man.

Yo, he's pissed, 'cause
the tickets you gave him
ended up being fake.

Really?
ARTHUR:
Yeah.

It cost me my streak,
and I almost got arrested.

No, wait. Stop.

Yo, where'd you
get the tickets?

From a friend.
Who?

Just a guy that's
looking out for me.

Yeah?

Same guys that got
you locked up?

It's not like that.
What's it like?

'Cause it look like you're
going down the same road
that got you sent away, man.

Now, tell me who
the friend was.

I shouldn't have to.
All right. You know,

I want to have your back, but
you ain't making it easy, dude.

Can I fire him now?

Shut up!

What's going on?

Why aren't you guys at the game?

Marcus gave me phony tickets.

What?

Oh, God,
I feel terrible.

Why?
'Cause I'm the one
that gave himthe tickets.

Wait, you're the friend? Why
would you set him up like that?

I was trying to help him
score points with Arthur
so he'd give him the job.

So where did youget
the tickets?

From Anthony
Rizzo's facialist.

But now that
I think of it,

why would Anthony
Rizzo get facials

at an abandoned
RadioShack?

Marcus, why didn't you say
you got the tickets from Tush?

He was helping me--
I didn't want to throw
him under the bus.

Well, that's great, but I wish
you would've said something.

Would it have mattered?
You made your mind up about me

the second you heard
I had a record.

He's right. You did.

You're no better-- you were
about to bail on me, too.

:
You're right, I did, yeah.

I'm sorry, cuz.
I apologize, man.

These anxious white people
just got in my head, so...

You say you get what
I'm up against,

but I need at least
oneperson in my corner

that's gonna believe
me no matter what.

Yeah, that's me.
I'm that guy, man.

And I'm sorry I gave you
any reason to doubt that.

Yeah, I-I'm sorry, too.
And you can forget

about what I said about
being fired. I mean,

if you're still interested,
I would love it

if you wanted
to work here again.
Yeah, kid,

Arthur and I could really
use the help around here.
Oh, shut up!

Arthur, I'm sorry
I screwed up your streak.

Yeah, it's too bad, 'cause now I
got all these real tickets here.

But the game's almost over.
Maybe not.

Addison Russell
just tied it up.

Grand slam!
Extra innings, baby!

Arthur, take those.
But how am I gonna

get to Wrigley on time?
I mean,

it's gonna take
at least 20 minutes in traffic.

I can get you
there in five.

Yeah. Hey, look, hey, four
if somebody's shooting at him.

You've got yourself a delivery.
Come on, we got to hurry.

Let's go!
FAWZ:
Enjoy the game!

♪

SOFIA:
So, Randy,

how was your dinner with Justin?

Well, we kind of kept that
whole marriage thing going.

We ordered in take-out,
'cause I didn't feel
like cooking.

Then we put on Netflix.
I fell asleep.

So we didn't have sex.

I think he might be the one.

Is that what marriage is like?

Oh, no, sweetie.

It's not nearly
as fun as that.

:
God, I miss it.

Oh, my God.

Someone call 911.
Arthur's being robbed.

Addison Russell from the Cubs.

Hey. I'm looking
for Arthur.

Yeah, uh, o-okay. Hold on.

Arthur, get your ass out here!

Yeah? Oh, my God!

Addison Russell!

Welcome to my
humble shop. Oh...

I'm sorry,
I don't know why I curtsied.

I saw you on the news,
and I felt bad for you.

Yeah, well, it was
embarrassing, you know?

At least I kept my streak alive.

That's why I brought you
this bat-- to say thank you

for being a fan
for all these years.
Oh, wow!

Is this the one you hit
the grand slam with?

No. That's actually
worth something.

That's Rizzo's.

Wow, it's amazing!
Addison Russell's
in my shop!

I'm gonna go get a Polaroid.

Oh, and put on my lucky jersey.

And get a ball for you to sign.

So you wait
right here.

You can have as many donuts
as you like.

Uh, limit two.

I'm gonna go.

That's a good idea.

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