Original subtitles

[ Static ]

[ Country music plays ] ♪ They call him the Peep ♪

♪ He wants to watch while I pee ♪

♪ Watch me go pee ♪

♪ He wants to snoop while I poop ♪

♪ He's just a nosy old coot ♪

♪ That's why they call him the Peep ♪

♪ They call him the Peep ♪

[ Farting ]

♪ He likes the poop and the pee ♪

♪ He sure does ♪

♪ His eyes are like an old owl's ♪

♪ While I'm here voiding my bowels ♪

♪ That dog is getting a bone ♪

♪ From watching me on the throne ♪

♪ That's why they call him the Peep ♪

[ All laughing ]

That was Mr. Steve Ravens with his 1983 comedy classic,

"The Peep."

That there's music that makes you feel something!

Mr. Ravens and his Pranksters of Parody Tour

will be at the Dougal County VFW on September 8th.

Steve Ravens in our county?!

Oh, man!

Listen, when I was a kid, my dream was to be a comedian.

I used to stick a bag on my head

and pretend to be the Unknown Comic.

Of course, everybody knew who I was,

'cause I was using one of them see-through freezer bags.

[ Pants ] Is this mic on?

[ Pants ] Hello?

Sharif!

Daddy felt comedy was too dangerous,

so I gave it up and went into law enforcement,

like Daddy wanted me to.

That's a good thing, too,

'cause you ain't funny worth a damn.

Is that so? Well, why don't you say "Knock, knock,"

and let's see what I end up saying.

Emerson. Emerson, who?

'Emerson tig old bitties.

[ Laughs ] Hey, hold on there!

I'm supposed to say that part, Early.

It's funnier when I do it. No, it ain't.

I ain't funny when anybody says it.

But that don't stop your ass from saying it

all the sumbitchin' time!

[ Cocks trigger ]

Is this mic on?

Sheriff! Test, one, two.

That's a live weapon.

Denny, for this bit to work, just imagine this is my mic --

Sheriff!

[ Laughing ] Damn!

Maybe you are funny after all.

[ Laughing ]

[ Bird chirping ]

Sharif! Wake up, son.

Daddy? I-Is that you?

You were using your sidearm as a microphone again, weren't you?

Yes, sir.

That hole in the end is where the bullet comes out.

We've been over that.

But, Daddy, that bit always kills.

Yeah. That's why you're here.

Oh, no, no!

But Steve Ravens is coming to town!

I was gonna get tickets.

That's your big regret? Not getting to go to a concert?

[ Sighs ] You're right, Daddy.

If I wake up out of this, would it be okay with you

if I follow my true dream of being a stand-up comedian?

Uh...sure.

Knock yourself out.

But you're probably dead. And you ain't funny.

I am too, funny.

Why don't you just say "Knock, knock"

like you're knocking at the door or something,

and then you just sit back

and wait for the fireworks, all right?

'Emerson tig old bitties?

Yeah, they are! [ Laughs ]

Wait! I got to say "Emerson" first.

Oh, wait, we gotta do the whole "Emerson, who" part, too!

Yeah, I wouldn't use that one.

[ Monitor beeping ] 'Emerson tig old bitties!

Sheriff, you're alive!

I have never been more alive, Denny.

Life just knock knocked me,

and I'm saying, "Who's there?"

And then I'm answering and saying,

"The next Steve Ravens, that's who."

And that's me.

Rusty: We under arrest, too, Sheriff?

Oh, Lord, no.

Y'all are free to go whenever you like.

I just need a captive audience

while I work on my bits.

I hope you guys are captivated by them.

Whoops, you already are.

Captivation!

Y'all like impressions? Not really.

Low-hanging fruit. I do not care for them.

Look at this guy. He cannot tell a lie.

Oh, no.

He does not like impressions. That's Nixon.

Who's that? Here's one.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

That's something Bill Clinton said.

Who's that?

Now I'm gonna shift gears to some weird, wild, funny stuff.

Dana Carvey. Who's Dana Carvey?

That's Johnny Carson. Who's Johnny Carson?

Well, I saw Dana Carvey do it.

Yeah, and he's doing Johnny Carson.

Why would Dana Carvey make fun of Johnny Carson?

Who are these people you're talking about?

That ain't a joke! Comedy shows have jokes!

[ Screams ]

It's a pop-culture reference! It's the same damn thing!

Sheriff, when can we get out of here?

You get out when you start laughing.

[ Groaning ]

We'll laugh when you start being funny!

[ Grunting ] Son of a bitch!

And what's the deal with Chinese food?

I mean, it's made by a black guy!

[ Forced laughter ]

Yeah. Yeah!

That doesn't really track.

Oh, you know Jeff down at Noodle Chen.

He's black. He's making Chinese food.

"Hey, what gives, brother?" Am I right?

Oh, Lord! It's gotta be relatable, man!

Is that something the people make fun of?

I'm just saying what everybody's thinking --

black people make Chinese food for a living.

It's one hell of a world, ain't it?

No one's thinking that!

You're out of touch, you weirdo!

Ow, ow!

Hey, Sheriff, do that there funny joke

where you blow your face off.

That's a good 'un!

No, my craniofacial surgeon told me

I should phase that out of my set.

So I guess y'all just got served!

[ Gunshot ]

Stop using your firearm as a microphone!

Damn! I ain't even playing now.

You ain't funny!

Your material sucks, your timing's bad,

you're completely unlikable on stage.

You tell long-ass stories with boring people in them

that end with the same dull, damn predictitated outcomes.

Uh...knock, knock. No!

[ Sighs, sniffles ] You're right.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

The jokes that worked in my bedroom

just ain't playing as funny with y'all listening.

Look, take a successful bit from another comedian

and just don't tell people where you got it.

You mean steal?

It's aggregation.

You can put your own spin on it.

Here, pull my finger.

Oh, ha. I know how this one goes.

Do you? Have a pull.

I must be going deaf.

I don't hear any comedic flatulence.

Keep pulling.

Keep pulling!

Keep pulling.

[ Door creaks ]

Keep pulling.

Oh, my God!

Payoff! [ Laughing ]

And that's how you make something old and tired

feel fresh and relevant.

I think I get it now.

Good. Give me my finger back.

I gotta do this bit tomorrow night.

Well, I guess I better get to steal-- ahem --

I mean aggregating a new tight five.

I just aggregated your color printer, if that's cool.

It ain't as easy to aggregate things at the store,

you know, with all them cameras they got.

No ID necessary, Granny.

I know you're old enough to drink, honey.

The badge says "Artist."

You're what?!

I'm the local opener, asshole!

You didn't tell me that. Must have slipped my mind.

W-Wait, wait, Granny.

Oh, don't do this to me, man.

Can you get me some face time with Mr. Ravens?

Stevie, what, did you fall in there or something?

[ Laughs ] [ Laughs ] There she is.

How you doing, Ruby Jean?

Look, some guy is here,

he's a friend of a friend, he's a fan of yours.

I don't know what he wants,

probably just some autograph or something.

I'll just leave y'all to it.

Roll out the red carpet, why don't ya?

You wanted the intro, I made the intro.

Ahem.

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Ravens.

I'll sign two items.

Go on, slide them under the stall.

Mind the puddle now.

Oh, th-thank you, sir.

I'm -- It's so great. I'm such a fan.

Come on, get in here and snap your picture.

I'm leaning forward and making my legs numb, you know.

[ Shutter clicks ] All right, you're done.

Oh, hang on, Mr. Ravens.

You see, I'm actually a comedian myself.

Hoo, boy, here it comes.

I was hoping I could show you a little bit of my act.

Okay. But you gotta watch the headliner first.

[ Drill whirs ]

Put your eye up in that drill hole.

O-Okay.

I guess you wasn't joking around in that song, was you?

This look like a joke to you?

No, sir.

[ Cheering ]

Thank you, Dougal County!

Now, can I get me a volunteer from the audience

to come up here to pull my finger?!

[ Feedback ]

That's my time. I'm Ruby Jean Cuyler.

Drop by the mud stable.

[ Toilet flushes ] That's all I got.

You been a great audience. Thanks for watching.

All right, Sheriff.

Time for you to do your thing now.

Mr. Ravens, I call this one "The Leak."

It's about a fellow who's a little too comfortable

making his water in public.

[ "The Peep" plays ] ♪ They call him the Leak ♪

♪ He's outside taking a pee ♪

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

You stole my damn song!

Well, the melody might seem similar.

It's a damn same!

You can hear my voice singing my lyrics

on my song underneath your song.

My song is about a man who watches other men poop and pee.

Yours is about watching a man pee.

Well, i-it's a parody.

Actually, a parody has to at least, in part,

comment on the original author's work.

Wait. Aren't you --

That's right.

Nice to meet you, I'm Hal Spankovic.

The Strange Hal Spankovic?

That's right.

The one and only Strange Hal Spankovic.

Now, listen, you can't just slap

a big, blonde afro on something,

make the name rhyme, and call it parody.

That's called theft.

Well, I was told it's aggregation.

At the bare minimum, get the artist's permission

ahead of time.

That's a good idea. What do you say, Steve?

Hell no, asshole.

There's only a select few people can do smart toilet humor,

and they all sitting on the shitter right here.

Uh, knock, knock.

Oh, don't come in here. I'm in the bathroom!

No, no, that's my setup. Oh.

'Emerson tig old bitties,

is that what you're coming to me with?

Uh, yeah, that's -- that's the punch line, yeah.

Get your green ass back to bum --

[ Toilet flushes ] you shit-kicker.

You ain't funny.

You ain't funny. You ain't funny.

You ain't funny! You ain't funny worth a damn.

-You ain't funny. -You ain't funny.

-You ain't funny! -You ain't funny worth a damn.

-You ain't funny. -You ain't funny.

-You ain't funny! -You ain't funny worth a damn.

-You ain't funny. -You ain't funny.

-You ain't funny! -You ain't funny worth a damn.

Well, uh, uh...

[ Cocks trigger ]

I-Is this -- this mic on? Check, one, two.

He's got a gun! No, no, no.

What's going on out there?!

For this bit to work, you have to imagine --

[ Birds chirping ]

Hey, Daddy.

Guess the comedy career didn't quite work out, did it?

No, sir.

Daddy, if I wake up from this,

would it be all right with you if I went back into police work?

I don't think you're gonna wake up from this one.

I-Is that a joke?

No.

So, do we meet God now?

There is no God.

Wait, is that a joke?

♪ Made in Georgia! ♪

[ Giggles ]