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1
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:09,929
% My dreams are all dead and buried %
2
00:00:11,639 --> 00:00:15,803
% Sometimes l wish the sun
would just explode %
3
00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:20,937
% When God comes
and calls me to His kingdom %
4
00:00:21,749 --> 00:00:25,480
% l'll take all you sons of bitches
when l go %
5
00:00:29,156 --> 00:00:30,589
- My turn.
- Hell, no.
6
00:00:30,624 --> 00:00:33,787
- Man, let me drive that thing. Come on!
- Do not touch the trim!
7
00:00:38,866 --> 00:00:41,960
That's how you make yourself
a badass ponytail.
8
00:00:42,002 --> 00:00:45,096
- That's pretty badass, huh?
- Now you wild!
9
00:00:46,774 --> 00:00:49,709
- Am l ever gonna walk again?
- l would say no.
10
00:00:49,744 --> 00:00:51,473
Hey, Sheriff, how you doing?
11
00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:55,606
You working hard
or you just hardly working?
12
00:00:55,649 --> 00:00:57,583
Get it?
13
00:00:57,618 --> 00:01:01,179
Damn, Sheriff, you sweating
like a one-armed man in a...
14
00:01:01,889 --> 00:01:06,019
running in a... exercises
and something like that, you know.
15
00:01:06,060 --> 00:01:09,496
lt's not sweat, it's water.
You see my house down there?
16
00:01:11,398 --> 00:01:15,767
Apparently someone ripped the pipes
out of my basement last night.
17
00:01:15,803 --> 00:01:18,271
So you come up here
to buy yourself some pipes?
18
00:01:18,305 --> 00:01:21,672
Well, then, just follow
the blue lights to savings.
19
00:01:31,619 --> 00:01:35,612
And that would explain the missing siren.
20
00:01:35,656 --> 00:01:38,750
That would explain
the missing siren, huh?
21
00:01:38,793 --> 00:01:42,058
Maybe. Maybe not.
22
00:01:42,096 --> 00:01:45,862
Early, hop in.
We need to take a ride into town.
23
00:01:46,867 --> 00:01:49,563
- Daddy, not again.
- Oh, hell.
24
00:01:50,838 --> 00:01:53,671
l got my own cuffs this time.
Yours pinch.
25
00:01:53,707 --> 00:01:55,231
We're not going to jail, Early.
26
00:01:55,276 --> 00:01:57,836
We're gonna take you
to one of them head doctors...
27
00:01:57,878 --> 00:02:02,110
and see if he can help you
with your criminal problems.
28
00:02:02,149 --> 00:02:05,710
No, thank you. l don't do business
over the telephone with the government.
29
00:02:05,753 --> 00:02:10,554
- Hell, you're the one that needs it.
- Early, this isn't about me. lt's about you.
30
00:02:11,358 --> 00:02:13,792
lt's all about him. lt's always about him.
31
00:02:13,828 --> 00:02:20,324
No one cares about how l feel,
and l'll tell ya, l'm drowning in this.
32
00:02:20,367 --> 00:02:23,632
Right, OK.
Let me just take in what just happened...
33
00:02:23,671 --> 00:02:25,639
and now l'm gonna turn to you, Early...
34
00:02:25,673 --> 00:02:28,233
and l'm gonna ask you point blank,
how do you feel?
35
00:02:28,275 --> 00:02:34,043
Well, sometimes l feel like a nut,
and sometimes l don't.
36
00:02:34,081 --> 00:02:38,142
- So that's a joke?
- See? He doesn't think about his feelings.
37
00:02:38,185 --> 00:02:40,585
He just puts 'em away in his pocket...
38
00:02:40,621 --> 00:02:44,318
and then he runs over to my basement
and rips out all my pipes!
39
00:02:44,358 --> 00:02:46,519
Now, hold on.
l needed that copper.
40
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,085
Come on, now, doc,
it weren't like l was wasting it.
41
00:02:49,129 --> 00:02:53,589
- l'm running a damn business here.
- The business of betrayal.
42
00:02:53,634 --> 00:02:55,795
God, here comes Ruby Falls.
43
00:02:56,971 --> 00:02:58,131
Thank you.
44
00:02:58,172 --> 00:03:02,040
When have l ever denied you
the right to be deceptified by me?
45
00:03:02,076 --> 00:03:04,203
When? Just name one.
When? When?
46
00:03:04,245 --> 00:03:05,872
The picnic. Remember that?
47
00:03:05,913 --> 00:03:08,313
Are you gonna count
every time l was stoned?
48
00:03:08,349 --> 00:03:09,976
We'll be here all night, then.
49
00:03:10,017 --> 00:03:12,679
OK, l just want to intervene here
for one second...
50
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:16,952
because if you guys
have just come here to assign blame...
51
00:03:16,991 --> 00:03:19,118
this is probably
not a good place to do it.
52
00:03:19,159 --> 00:03:23,425
You know, it sounds to me
like neither of you really understand...
53
00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:25,762
where the other one is coming from.
54
00:03:25,799 --> 00:03:29,098
So what l want you to do is switch roles.
55
00:03:29,136 --> 00:03:32,333
You need to walk a mile
in the other man's shoes.
56
00:03:32,373 --> 00:03:35,365
- l ain't got no shoes.
- Look, you know what l mean.
57
00:03:38,612 --> 00:03:43,276
l usually serve lunch to the inmates
about now. l got the menu...
58
00:03:44,318 --> 00:03:46,752
Lockdown!
59
00:03:47,755 --> 00:03:51,088
That's a pretty good technique
but generally l won't do a lockdown...
60
00:03:51,125 --> 00:03:54,117
unless there's a prison break
or a race riot.
61
00:03:54,161 --> 00:03:55,924
Shut your damn mouth, Squidbill!
62
00:03:58,432 --> 00:04:01,959
l think you're missing
the point of this exercise.
63
00:04:02,002 --> 00:04:04,664
l think you're missing
the next three meals, mister!
64
00:04:04,705 --> 00:04:07,970
- Deputy Russell, put him in the hole.
- Which hole you want him in?
65
00:04:08,008 --> 00:04:09,532
The tiny one!
66
00:04:09,576 --> 00:04:13,307
l don't think we learned
one blessed thing.
67
00:04:13,347 --> 00:04:18,512
Did l tell you he sold my house?
He sold my house!
68
00:04:18,552 --> 00:04:22,010
No, that... ls that true, Early?
That can't be true.
69
00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:28,392
- Early?
- He's talking to you, Haus.
70
00:04:28,429 --> 00:04:32,525
- Actually, l think he's talking to you.
- Nobody gives a damn.
71
00:04:32,566 --> 00:04:35,000
This is what we're here for.
Lockdown!
72
00:04:36,370 --> 00:04:39,771
- When can we stop this?
- Shut your damn mouth, Squidman.
73
00:04:39,807 --> 00:04:43,402
OK, let's try another technique
because l don't think it's working.
74
00:04:43,444 --> 00:04:46,538
- Let's try something else.
- Yeah, we forgot to wet him down.
75
00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:48,741
Tell me where Mr. Joshua is!
76
00:04:49,850 --> 00:04:53,149
All right, look,
l want you to take all those things...
77
00:04:53,187 --> 00:04:56,179
that are eating away inside,
weighing you down...
78
00:04:56,223 --> 00:04:59,090
and l want you to pull them all out...
79
00:04:59,126 --> 00:05:01,390
and scream them out
at the top of your lungs.
80
00:05:02,029 --> 00:05:03,428
- Sheriff.
- Who, me?
81
00:05:03,464 --> 00:05:06,433
Yeah, just cut loose.
Just get it all off your chest.
82
00:05:06,467 --> 00:05:09,231
This is a safe haven
for both of you gentlemen.
83
00:05:09,269 --> 00:05:13,797
OK, well, you see,
Early, well, he don't respect...
84
00:05:13,841 --> 00:05:16,401
Are you done?
Everybody stand back. lt's my turn.
85
00:05:16,443 --> 00:05:17,933
- No.
- l just called it.
86
00:05:17,978 --> 00:05:19,172
Don't you push me!
87
00:05:19,213 --> 00:05:22,649
You always push me
into positions l don't like!
88
00:05:22,683 --> 00:05:28,644
l'm the law, and you break the law,
and you still expect me to be your friend!
89
00:05:28,689 --> 00:05:31,123
How can l be who l am...
90
00:05:31,158 --> 00:05:33,991
and still be
in a relationship with you?
91
00:05:34,028 --> 00:05:36,690
lt's always about you!
92
00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:39,563
You think
you're the center of the universe...
93
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:45,038
and we ought to move the show to Friday
head to head with CSl!
94
00:05:45,072 --> 00:05:48,872
Come on, you got to give
a show time to find an audience...
95
00:05:48,909 --> 00:05:50,900
Hell, you know he can act.
96
00:05:50,944 --> 00:05:54,471
He played Doogie Howser
for seven seasons.
97
00:05:55,282 --> 00:05:57,341
Excellent work, gentlemen, excellent.
98
00:05:57,384 --> 00:06:00,148
l think this is
about as good as it gets, guys.
99
00:06:00,187 --> 00:06:02,417
No, no! Without us,
they have no network!
100
00:06:02,456 --> 00:06:05,482
l've often wondered
if l even do have a pair.
101
00:06:05,526 --> 00:06:07,858
Yes, of testicles!
102
00:06:07,895 --> 00:06:09,920
l've never seen 'em, no!
103
00:06:09,963 --> 00:06:14,491
And you dressed me in chiffon!
Pretty, pretty chiffon.
104
00:06:14,535 --> 00:06:18,938
Well, guess what!
l think l'm pregnant! Again!
105
00:06:18,972 --> 00:06:21,065
Thanks a lot, mama!
106
00:06:23,811 --> 00:06:26,712
- Well, that felt pretty good.
- You're not pregnant.
107
00:06:26,747 --> 00:06:30,615
- You're a man.
- You read my diary. You had no right!
108
00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:35,714
- My house, my rules. Too bad.
- lt's not your house now!
109
00:06:35,756 --> 00:06:37,917
He's right about that.
l sold it.
110
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:41,291
- l really need to wrap this thing up.
- Wait a minute.
111
00:06:41,328 --> 00:06:45,230
- Ain't l gonna get to yell or nothing?
- Well...
112
00:06:45,265 --> 00:06:47,028
Sure, Early, go ahead.
113
00:06:47,067 --> 00:06:50,093
Gimme back my bullets!
That smell!
114
00:06:51,138 --> 00:06:53,902
What the hell is that smell?
115
00:06:56,176 --> 00:06:57,234
Yeah.
116
00:06:58,445 --> 00:07:02,745
Do you have any concerns
that are not really a Skynyrd deep cut?
117
00:07:04,518 --> 00:07:05,507
Yeah.
118
00:07:05,552 --> 00:07:08,453
Something has been
kind of gnawing at me. Stand back.
119
00:07:09,656 --> 00:07:12,819
- Show me them titties!
- Are you talking to my mama?
120
00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:14,418
lf she'll do it. Will she do it?
121
00:07:14,461 --> 00:07:16,827
- Probably will.
- OK, l think we're all set here.
122
00:07:16,864 --> 00:07:18,491
What did you say?
123
00:07:18,532 --> 00:07:21,933
Never mind, mama.
He ain't talking about you.
124
00:07:21,969 --> 00:07:24,199
Maybe l was.
ls she fine?
125
00:07:24,238 --> 00:07:27,002
Are you kidding?
She's a fox.
126
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:31,636
She's my mom,
and l am very attracted to...
127
00:07:31,678 --> 00:07:34,704
Oh God, what is wrong with me?!
128
00:07:34,748 --> 00:07:36,773
OK, look, l want you two men...
129
00:07:36,817 --> 00:07:42,551
to work out your differences
over here on this bed.
130
00:07:43,590 --> 00:07:45,490
Do you see where l'm going with this?
131
00:07:45,526 --> 00:07:47,494
You want to put these
rubber sheets on the bed?
132
00:07:47,528 --> 00:07:51,624
Why don't l set up the video camera
and l'll try to get some chicks on the horn.
133
00:07:51,665 --> 00:07:54,930
Wait a minute.
What kind of therapist are you?
134
00:07:54,968 --> 00:07:56,765
What kind of therapist am l?
135
00:07:56,803 --> 00:08:02,867
Well, maybe it's possible
that you've misconstrued my credentials.
136
00:08:02,910 --> 00:08:07,711
l mean, l'm not really a therapist.
l'm the rapist.
137
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:10,683
Everyone has made that mistake.
138
00:08:10,717 --> 00:08:13,185
That sign is very misleading.
139
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:16,189
l like to separate work from family...
140
00:08:16,223 --> 00:08:19,454
so l got an office
and l just come to work here.
141
00:08:19,493 --> 00:08:22,360
l rape and then l go home
and l take care of the kids.
142
00:08:22,396 --> 00:08:25,797
- The whole thing is a write-off.
- That's illegal, l believe.
143
00:08:25,832 --> 00:08:27,959
l don't think you can write off rapes.
144
00:08:28,001 --> 00:08:30,526
Well, so is rape.
But that never stopped me.
145
00:08:30,571 --> 00:08:33,540
- l mean, l can't stop.
- You could change your behavior...
146
00:08:33,574 --> 00:08:35,940
and that would,
you know, stop all the raping.
147
00:08:35,976 --> 00:08:39,468
- You really think so, Mr. Freud?
- lt's an idea.
148
00:08:39,513 --> 00:08:41,344
Come on, who's the doctor here?
149
00:08:42,149 --> 00:08:44,117
- l guess no one.
- Bed's made!
150
00:08:44,151 --> 00:08:45,675
Weren't you going to call up...
151
00:08:45,719 --> 00:08:48,813
some damn good-ass looking women
to get 'em naked over here?
152
00:08:48,855 --> 00:08:50,345
Well, l was trying to, but...
153
00:08:53,126 --> 00:08:56,892
Besides, women just really
aren't that wild about the rapist.
154
00:08:56,930 --> 00:09:00,661
- You know what l'm saying?
- l feel like l should arrest you.
155
00:09:00,701 --> 00:09:03,829
Well, you know, you're conflicted
about arresting Early.
156
00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:07,033
What makes you think
that you could possibly arrest me?
157
00:09:07,074 --> 00:09:09,042
Hold it right there.
158
00:09:11,712 --> 00:09:12,804
You got a point.
159
00:09:14,214 --> 00:09:18,651
- Girls never liked me neither.
- You know, maybe that inadequacy...
160
00:09:18,685 --> 00:09:23,088
feeds your low self-esteem
and enables your indecisiveness.
161
00:09:23,123 --> 00:09:26,854
- 'Cause you ain't got the nuts.
- That's it, you're right.
162
00:09:26,893 --> 00:09:29,953
You know something,
l been running scared my whole life.
163
00:09:29,997 --> 00:09:33,194
Well, not anymore.
Nope, no more running.
164
00:09:33,233 --> 00:09:37,693
From this point on,
the old sheriff is dead.
165
00:09:44,411 --> 00:09:46,777
That burns! Damn!
166
00:09:48,181 --> 00:09:51,673
- Well, that was embarrassing.
- Yes, it was, and you know...
167
00:09:51,718 --> 00:09:54,710
l don't know,
this seems like a good time to stop.
168
00:09:54,755 --> 00:09:57,781
Anytime would have been
a good time to stop, because...
169
00:09:57,824 --> 00:10:00,258
as l said, l'm not really a therapist.
170
00:10:01,461 --> 00:10:02,985
That was unsatisfying.
171
00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:05,726
How about me and you
go get crazy as hell on some ice.
172
00:10:05,766 --> 00:10:07,893
Early, how about we do this.
173
00:10:07,934 --> 00:10:13,372
You do whatever you want
and l will try my hardest not to disturb you.
174
00:10:13,407 --> 00:10:16,399
No. lf l compromise with you...
175
00:10:16,443 --> 00:10:18,604
what kind of message
does that send my boy?
176
00:10:18,645 --> 00:10:22,046
l'm as firm as red clay
and as constant as...
177
00:10:23,016 --> 00:10:26,543
drinking.
l'm constantly drinking.
178
00:10:29,623 --> 00:10:31,921
- No, thank you. l'm on the job.
- Keep your eyes peeled.
179
00:10:31,958 --> 00:10:35,086
l'm gonna jimmy-jack this door
and see what the hell l can get!
180
00:10:35,128 --> 00:10:36,322
Early...
181
00:10:37,331 --> 00:10:39,959
Listen, now, maybe
we need to spend some time apart.
182
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:44,232
Don't be that way.
l got a homemade pipe bomb!
183
00:10:45,105 --> 00:10:49,269
Chock full of nails!
Gonna take down the government.
184
00:10:49,309 --> 00:10:52,073
You know what?
You just take down everything you want!
185
00:10:52,713 --> 00:10:54,146
l can't change you.
186
00:10:56,016 --> 00:11:00,646
Gonna make my voice heard,
get the old flag back!
187
00:11:03,223 --> 00:11:06,090
Ultra conservative zealotry!
188
00:11:11,498 --> 00:11:12,522
Call me!
189
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:20,000
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190
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