All language subtitles for Carols.Second.Act.S01E03.720p.HDTV.x264-AVS

Something big is going on, I know it.

Are they gossiping?

Is it about that jerk in Pediatrics

that yelled at a really
nice girl named Lexie?

Doubtful. Oh!

Maybe Mrs. Dempsey
woke up from her coma.

Well, if that's the
case, we'll have to pool

our knowledge to catch
her up on the last year.

I'll take arts and literature.

Lexie, you take reality TV.

Ooh, docuseries and competition?

I'm on it.

Guys, it's not Mrs. Dempsey.

If it is, obviously, I'd
take health and beauty.

But I think it might be a zebra.

- A zebra?
- Ooh.

- That'd be awesome.
- I don't know.

Zebras appear cute, but
they're notorious kickers.

No, no, no, Caleb,
"zebra" as in a nickname

for a patient with an
extremely rare condition.

You know that old saying,

if you hear hooves coming,

you can assume it's a horse,

but every once in a while, it's a zebra.

Dennis.

So? Do they have a diagnosis?

What are the signs? Symptoms?

Well, a headache

is something you're giving me right now.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I have some intriguing news.

It seems that here today

we may have a zebra.

- Ooh!
- Yes!

A probable zebra.

Yes. Yes, thank you, Dr. Jacobs.

This could be...

a career-defining experience.

Let's be professional.

Don't get your hopes up.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm fired up!

Usually it's pneumonia, pneumonia,

pneumonia, but not today!

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All right, everyone, patient
is Margaret Hamden.

Female, age 40.

Admitted with symptoms of meningitis

but has since developed
physiologic tremors

and unexplained abdominal cramps.

Finally, someone's taking

a woman's cramps seriously. Am I right?

Where my ladies at?

Sorry.

I want you all to study up

and get ready to present theories.

Already have four. Five.

Ten.

If our patient does indeed
turn out to be a zebra,

Dr. Frost and I

will choose one of you
to assist us in treatment

and write up the case for
publication in a journal.

Oh, I've already published twice,

so I can definitely handle it.

Daniel's not the only one

that's been published.

I wrote a very successful advice column

in our school's science journal.

My nom de plume was Pipette.

Just to throw my hat in the ring,

I have traveled to many countries

where I've both treated and contracted

a number of rare diseases.

Word of advice? When the locals say

don't let a chicken
in your tent, listen.

Dr. Jacobs.

A word?

Before I go, I need someone

to take the lead on
the new admit in 510.

Just to check, the person
who takes this new admit

will not be in the running
to work on the zebra?

- Correct.
- Uh, and therefore will not be eligible

- to publish the case?
- That's right.

A-And this new patient
has something cool

- or... ?
- The flu.

Thanks for volunteering, Dr. Kenney.

Oh.

What the heck, you guys?

You know I love a medical mystery.

- Or any mystery.
- Murder?

- Yes.
- Murder on a train?

- Yes, of course.
- Murder in a castle?

That's my fa... Stop distracting me.

What you just did was terrible.

I deserved a shot at the zebra.

Sorry, Carol. Sometimes
medicine isn't fair.

Really?

And you two weasels agree with this?

Yes, because it serves my
immediate self-interest.

I'm sorry, Carol, but if I can publish,

maybe I'll be known as something other

than Dr. Frost's former
pickleball partner.

I should not have revealed that.

Pickleball, cornhole.

White people games are wild.

I would never have expected this kind

of self-centered thinking
from... two of you.

Being a doctor is not
about personal glory.

We are a team. A win for one of us

- is a win for all of us.
- Hmm.

Perfect. When I publish my article,

I'll make sure to acknowledge you.

Not in the journal, obvi.

In a later Instagram post.

You know, whatever. I'll bet my patient

has some sort of really
cool, exotic bird flu.

"Patient showing symptoms
of the common flu."

Don't read my chart.

What do you think you're doing?

My scrubs?

See, I thought if I tucked
the top into the pants,

it might give 'em more of
a fitted, fashiony look.

No.

What are you doing eating
my blueberry muffin?

Oh, th-this muffin is your muffin?

I-I didn't know.

I'm sorry. I-I...

It wa... it was right by the apples.

Dennis didn't tell me it was yours.

It's his fault.

Excuse me?

Just 'cause you're drowning,
don't drag me in the pool.

Would you, uh, would you
like an apple instead?

Honestly, muffins aren't
even that good for you.

A blueberry muffin
is my Wednesday treat.

Totally. Apple was a bad idea.

I will replace this muffin for you.

As soon as we figure out the zebra.

Or now. Perfect. I'll go now.

I mean, would I prefer to work

on a rare, interesting illness? Sure.

Do I feel betrayed by
my best friends? You bet.

Is it too soon to call
them my best friends?

I am starting to think so.

But then I remember

that each individual patient
is fascinating in his own way.

Have you seen Driving Miss Daisy?

I-It's about a black man

who has to tolerate an old white lady.

Hello, Mr. Lewis. I'm Dr. Kenney.

So, what seems to be bothering you?

And, please, spare no gory detail.

Well, I guess to start, I'd
have to say my head hurts

and I have a stomachache and... yep.

That's about it.

Fascinating.

The cafeteria sold out
of blueberry muffins.

Wow, I can't wait to watch
the movie based on this.

If you're hungry, I have a bowl

of vegan chili in my locker.

Aah, you guys are no help!

I always assumed residency
would break one of us,

but, honestly, I had my money on me.

Hey, I know we both want this,

but you're not gonna use your
relationship with Dr. Frost

to get picked for the zebra, are you?

Of course not. We'll
compete on medicine alone.

So no country club shenanigans?

The Irish have shenanigans.

Country clubs have ballyhoo.

Dr. Gilani. Dr. Sommers.

The zebra hunt continues.

Perhaps you two could
contribute your thoughts

to Mrs. Hamden's scans.

Well, uh, the MRI shows
minimal meningeal enhancement,

so the patient's symptoms
are unlikely to be

meningitis-related.

Spot-on. What else?

Uh...

Oh, I am seeing some
enlargement of the liver.

We might want to test copper levels

to rule out Wilson's Disease.

Excellent observations, Dr. Gilani.

But what Dr. Gilani missed

was this region of discoloration.

Appears to be damaged tissue.
Possibly pulmonary fibrosis.

Good instincts, Dr. Sommers.

However, on closer examination,

that appears to be a thumbprint.

Excuse me?

The scan tech was mid-burrito.

I suspect that's less
pulmonary fibrosis,

more pico de gallo.

What an embarrassing
and disqualifying mistake

to have made.

Caleb, you know what that reminds me of?

That time your father and
I were about to compete

for the Southampton tennis championship.

Oh, uh, no, I-I don't remember that.

What? Of course you do.

I spilled gazpacho all over my whites.

You know, I did have one
more thought on that liver.

- I'm interested.
- Uh, y-you know what?

It just came back to me.

I-I do remember telling you
not to eat in your whites.

But if I know Dr. Stephen Frost,
he can't resist a cold soup

on a hot day.

That's right.

He can't!

I-I never spilled soup in the Hamptons,

but I did spill red wine in the bathtub

- at a Hampton Inn.
- Hmm.

Uh, I still drank it.

Dr. Sommers, come with me.

We'll run a test for copper levels.

On it.

Okay, sir, your IV is
successfully inserted.

And they say treating the flu

isn't as interesting
as some rare disease.

As if. I love the flu.

I don't know, I might
be too close to it.

Let's just check your vitals.

Blood pressure 120/70.

- That's extremely interesting.
- Really?

In as much as how normal it is.

I mean, people aren't
gonna be talking about it

around the water cooler,
but I don't know, I like it.

Gary...

how long have you had
these spots on your hands?

I don't know.

Huh. That's interesting.

Like normal interesting,

or interesting interesting?

Have you had any bug bites recently?

A few, when I went camping.

Oh, and more spots on your ankles.

Oh, Gary, now we're talking.

Dr. Jacobs, look what I found.

I am ready to get back on that zebra.

What is that?

It looks like it has smallpox.

Very astute eyes, Dr. Jacobs,

- but, no, those are cranberries.
- Cranberries?

The cafeteria was out of blueberry,

but this one's a bran
base with cranberries.

It's a... cran-bran.

A cran-bran?

I'm impressed.

You managed to find a muffin

that's actually worse than no muffin.

What is the deal with this muffin?

Loud and clear.

I did have a backup plan.

If I could just jam these bluebies

into this regular muffin
without smushing 'em...

You know what. I'll just
toss this one myself.

Lexie, I'm sorry.

I'm not proud that I used
my connection with Dr. Frost,

but if I can say one thing
in my defense... I panicked.

When he picks you to assist
with the zebra, just remember

you are a card-carrying
member of the patriarchy.

All right, listen up, you two.

Unfortunately, I have some
bad news about Mrs. Hamden.

- She's not a zebra.
- Oh.

Turns out it's meningitis.

Just regular, vanilla, viral meningitis.

The cramping and tremors
were nicotine withdrawal.

She lied about being a smoker.

Ugh. A liar and a smoker?

Who is this lady, my stepmom?

Look, I know we were all
excited about the zebra.

And I may not be
around for the next one,

so I want you youngsters,
always remember...

Ooh, fresh pot of coffee.

Mm.

Good news is, you didn't win.

The bad news is, neither did I.

Yeah. Maybe it's for the best.

I mean, Carol was right.

Medicine should not be about
your own personal glory.

Listen up, ordinary boring doctors.

Test results from my
"flu patient" came in.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mama's got a zebra!

Welcome, everyone. This is Gary.

or as I like to call him,
Carol's medical miracle.

Miracle? I'm cured?

Gary, don't be rude. I'm talking.

Now, I first noticed these unique spots

on Gary's wrists and ankles.

Let's see those tootsies, Gare Bear.

And, you know, another doctor

might have brushed off his rash

as eczema or psoriasis.

However, a thorough examination led me

to what I'm calling the
keystone of my diagnosis.

Tell us!

His recent camping trip.

- Ah.
- It made me suspect

an insect-borne disease.

Now, tick-borne illnesses
are notoriously difficult

to differentiate.

- The worst.
- Yes.

Yeah.

Conventional wisdom would
dictate that we go straight

to the Western blot
test, but in the absence

of the distinctive
Erythema Migrans rash,

I immediately tested for
Rickettsia rickettsii.

And, guys, I nailed it.

Gary has a case

of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.

Ah.

Oh!

Thank you.

We expect a full recovery.

Obviously, this illness
is extremely rare.

There are probably more actual zebras

in Southern California
than cases like this.

Usually I'd discourage

that kind of glib wordplay, but...

- this zebra is pretty exciting.
- No kidding.

Dr. Kenney, would you like

the assistance of either
of your fellow interns

to monitor treatment?

I'm generally pleasant

and willing to be a beta,
so maybe pick me?

Or keep in mind who always helps you

connect to the printer.

Ah.

Such a difficult decision.

Who should I take with me

on this medical journey of a lifetime?

You know what? I couldn't possibly

take either of you away
from your regular patients.

Oh, th-they won't miss us.

Someone once told me...
and he was right...

sometimes medicine just isn't fair.

It's a personal goal

to never know the context
of this. Let's move.

Sorry it didn't work out.

I'm not sorry.

Listen, Dennis,

you seem to know how to
get things around here.

Now, I know we're not
exactly best friends...

Whoa.

Where is this coming from?

I consider us pretty good friends.

Yo, for real?

That's so great to hear, especially...

Okay, not nice.

Look, Dr. Jacobs holds
my professional future

in her muffin-less hands.

The only way I can placate her is

to get her a cafeteria blueberry muffin.

Now, can you help me?

Easy.

And I don't have to do
anything weird for it?

So now I have to think about
which medical journal to target.

Obviously, you have your
New England, which is,

you know, your Harvard of journals.

But maybe I go indie?

I don't know, I've heard
there's some pretty cool journals

coming out of Portland these days.

Hey, Carol. Didn't realize

there'd be a line for
the meet-and-greet.

Hi. Guys, this is Dr.
Gilani and Dr. Sommers.

They crushed it today on
their meningitis patient.

- Bacterial?
- No, no, standard viral.

Pretty basic, but they're good.

Anyway, can you give us a minute?

I got to give these
cuties a little face time.

Oh, my gosh. Sorry about that.

They were just all
congratulating me on the zebra.

I don't know, it's kind of embarrassing.

Carol, I don't mean to be harsh,

but with all this grandstanding,
you're acting like a surgeon.

Yeah, I would expect
this kind of behavior

from Daniel, but you,
Carol? What a shame.

So, are you guys mad?

It's just, you're the one who said

you were all about teamwork
over personal glory.

But then you didn't share your zebra.

Oh. So I guess what's happening here

is, you're jealous because I'm getting

all the praise and attention

that you tried to steal from me.

Well, you certainly seem to
be enjoying the spotlight.

I am. I'm loving it.

I haven't spent much
time in the spotlight,

'cause you know who doesn't
get enough attention?

Moms. And teachers.

And people who run small bookstores.

I'm not that third thing,

but I think they deserve more attention.

What is it?

My patient. He's crashing.

We're coming with you.

Hives. I think he's
allergic to the doxycycline.

- Okay, everybody, he's in anaphylactic shock.
- Tell us what you need.

- Start a new IV, bolus him with saline.
- On it.

Dr. Sommers, you need to intubate

before we lose the
airways. No sedatives.

We don't want to risk
paralysis of the throat muscles.

- You got it.
- Nurse, I need one of epi.

IV's in.

Patient is stabilizing.

All right, keep bagging him.
Let's get him to the ICU.

Great work, team.

Now, I give you this muffin,

you meet me outside the
men's room at 5:30 p.m.

I'm not just agreeing to whatever...

- Mmm...
- Okay, fine, I'll see you at 5:30.

Dr. Jacobs.

Thank you, Dr. Kutcher. As you were.

What?! That's it?

I-I-I have to know.

Wha-What is so special
about this muffin?

- Please.
- Dr. Kutcher...

medicine is not a field

where one has a lot of control.

I rarely know what will happen
from one hour to the next.

But no matter who dies or who lives

or who vomits in my hair,

every Wednesday morning I enjoy

a cafeteria blueberry muffin.

It's my anchor.

In a sea of unpredictability,

it's the one thing I can depend on.

I suggest you find one.

Thank you.

That's very wise.

Maybe my anchor is
you. Your advice is...

- Go get me some milk!
- Okay.

Carol, you were amazing in there.

You were like a general

or a quarterback

or a mom at a pool with three kids.

I mean, I couldn't have
done it without you guys.

And I'm sorry I waited
till a real emergency

to let you help me out with the zebra.

Oh, come on, Carol, we
always got your back.

I mean, not this morning, obviously.

Threw you under the bus pretty hard.

But, uh, almost always.

Excellent work, Dr. Kenney.

Now, go find yourself a typewriter

because you've got an article to write.

Hey, Dr. Frost, would it be okay

if the three of us wrote
up the article together?

As co-authors?

I mean, I'll be the first name, obvi.

Then me, obvi.

And then Dr. Jacobs,
then some other people,

and then you guys.

And I'll acknowledge Daniel
in a later Instagram post.

Excellent plan.

Are you even on Instagram?

Yeah, she is.

She has four followers, zero posts,

and her account is private.

And I forgot my password.

And here we have another snake.

Seriously.

I don't think these teenagers
really like having a clown.

Yeah, doesn't look like it.

Seems a bit young for them.

Then why do you hire clowns?

Oh, we don't.

- So I'm not filling in for anybody?
- No.

Then what am I doing here?

Oh, this is just for me.

Damn it, Dennis!

Daniel, oh, are you a clown?

Yes. Long story.

Who got the zebra?

Carol did, but we got to help.

Great. Everyone but me.

Great day for Daniel.

Uh, your name is Pepperoni.

Now, make the kids another snake.

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