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1
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:39,340
Kiss me. The men all want to know.
2
00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:43,900
I take her up to Blueberry Hill.
3
00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:50,620
I tell them life's a bowl of cherries
and my 57 cookies.
4
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:24,380
There he is. Do I get a handsome man in
here if I wait around long enough?
5
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,400
Had to patch a tire out on county line.
6
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Too good for a tow?
7
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Too impatient.
8
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You city folk.
9
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Always in a hurry.
10
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By God, look who it is! He's back!
11
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,220
Welcome back, brother!
12
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Don't know why I ever leave. A plate to
bowl, a plate to fish, and a beer to
13
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hold to it!
14
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:44,980
Best friend!
15
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,400
We love you, Ted!
16
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:47,560
Ted!
17
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,090
still selling PVC?
18
00:02:22,590 --> 00:02:25,410
How's the house business down there?
Good enough to get me back up here.
19
00:02:25,690 --> 00:02:26,690
Think you can put in a word?
20
00:02:26,830 --> 00:02:28,090
Son, you don't want to sell pipe.
21
00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:29,790
He just wants to lay some.
22
00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:33,130
Good to have you back, brother.
23
00:02:34,330 --> 00:02:35,430
It's a little fixer.
24
00:02:38,090 --> 00:02:39,750
Marjorie's keeping the place open late
now?
25
00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:42,070
Yeah, her mother passed a few months
back.
26
00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:43,630
Don't think she wants to go home.
27
00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:45,590
Everybody's running from something.
28
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:54,860
How's Louisa? She still kick you out of
bed when you drink? Yep, might as well
29
00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:55,860
keep drinking.
30
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,960
Open the register and give me your
wallet.
31
00:03:02,340 --> 00:03:03,340
No, no, no.
32
00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:07,980
Hello?
33
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:13,879
There's a robbery.
34
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,660
I think this guy's having a heart
attack.
35
00:03:16,220 --> 00:03:17,600
Ted, where are you going?
36
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,200
Hey, the cop...
37
00:03:43,660 --> 00:03:46,360
Looks like you've learned some things
about your body.
38
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,920
I'll make this simple, Ted. You're not a
PVC salesman from two states south.
39
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,160
You're the smartest man who's ever lived
and you were born 400 light years away.
40
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,100
You're on Beloit 6E.
41
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:59,160
It's a primitive planet with good
country music and a shit ton of snow.
42
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,880
Real early 90s Earth vibes.
43
00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:05,020
They're 100 years from first contact, so
they don't know who I am. Who you are.
44
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,200
Which is the whole point.
45
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:10,140
You think it's fun to be a god, Ted? You
think God's nipples get hard when he
46
00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:11,119
murders a fish?
47
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,880
That's why every summer I take two weeks
off and come here. I wipe my brain and
48
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,220
pull all of my survival tech.
49
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:23,200
I go home with the peace of mind stupid
people get from watching Kevin Costner
50
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:27,220
movies. So, look, if you're seeing this
because shit's gone sideways, hit the
51
00:04:27,220 --> 00:04:28,280
red button to be me again.
52
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,360
If everything's cool, hit the blue
button to clear this from your memory
53
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:32,360
enjoy the rest of your trip.
54
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,780
Okay, Morty, that's a wrap on if you've
been messing with my tech.
55
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,200
Let's run the take -in scenario.
56
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:56,400
You hear about the dishwasher job?
57
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,060
Shit, you're a popsicle.
58
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,580
You know me.
59
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:06,920
Right.
60
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:12,780
I'd sure like to think so. I mean it.
How could you? I'm just some guy who
61
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,780
up every year.
62
00:05:13,820 --> 00:05:15,800
Well, something keeps you coming back
here.
63
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,880
Oh, lay back. I got a surprise for you.
64
00:05:20,260 --> 00:05:22,160
Got this set up since your last visit.
65
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:25,640
It's nice.
66
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,660
Haven't really found occasion to use it.
67
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:29,300
Thanks for giving me one.
68
00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:31,140
I don't mind the company.
69
00:05:33,140 --> 00:05:34,780
You still have that spare rumen back?
70
00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:36,610
I don't want to sleep in the RV.
71
00:05:49,790 --> 00:05:50,790
Don't go.
72
00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:52,450
I'm not gonna.
73
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,620
Hey, obviously you're seeing this
hologram because you ignored the
74
00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:09,300
from the last one. You're seeing this
hologram because you ignored the
75
00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:10,900
instructions from the last one.
76
00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:13,100
I don't know why that would happen. Just
a gentle reminder, you're not a real
77
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,160
person, you're me.
78
00:06:14,380 --> 00:06:19,280
You're permanently fucking with me, but
with persons who hurt me, you don't know
79
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:22,160
I'm here for getting hurt pretty
severely.
80
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,000
Ted, one of these days you gotta come up
in July.
81
00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:33,330
I caught a muskie last summer, came
about up to my neck. So blind, little
82
00:06:33,330 --> 00:06:37,090
No fish in this lake. Actually, thought
I might stick around this year, see the
83
00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:39,390
thaw. For real, Teddy? You're gonna
stay?
84
00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:41,030
What about your company?
85
00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:42,310
Doesn't seem real.
86
00:06:42,730 --> 00:06:47,630
It's like I've been pretending I go
somewhere when I leave, but I think I
87
00:06:47,630 --> 00:06:48,910
exist when I'm here.
88
00:06:49,270 --> 00:06:52,350
Like, this is literally the only place
I'm actually alive.
89
00:06:53,790 --> 00:06:55,550
Does that make sense?
90
00:06:56,210 --> 00:06:57,770
Good thing nobody's driving tonight.
91
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:24,920
Fuck me.
92
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:28,420
Hello? Rick? Who is this?
93
00:07:30,670 --> 00:07:34,030
are you calling my leg i'm not supposed
to ever use the light phone but i just
94
00:07:34,030 --> 00:07:38,890
need you to get in the egg don't pick a
fight with yourself okay i just want to
95
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:42,130
get you home before anything worse
happens nothing's worse than finding out
96
00:07:42,130 --> 00:07:46,850
some character that asshole plays some
costume he puts on to need you alive to
97
00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:50,010
bring you home it's not my home i'm not
him you are
98
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,440
Ted, are you OK?
99
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,020
Thank you.
100
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,380
What is this thing, Ted?
101
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:19,000
I'm not who you think I am. Is this your
ship from space?
102
00:08:19,340 --> 00:08:20,540
A spaceship?
103
00:08:20,980 --> 00:08:21,980
It's his.
104
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,280
He's non -vacation me.
105
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,600
I don't know him, and I don't want to.
But this asshole's coming for me, and I
106
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,920
don't intend to let him win.
107
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:34,000
For the love of Pete, do you understand
what you're asking?
108
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:36,159
I wouldn't ask at all if there were any
other way.
109
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,789
Janet, Mary, I gotta send you home.
110
00:08:40,990 --> 00:08:41,990
We're closing early.
111
00:08:42,210 --> 00:08:42,989
Come on!
112
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,090
We're only three frames in!
113
00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:48,510
Thank you.
114
00:08:48,550 --> 00:08:49,770
Wow, you show your head.
115
00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:51,870
Nobody's gonna hate me, seriously.
116
00:08:52,170 --> 00:08:53,470
Janet's gonna have her word.
117
00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:56,150
Promise me you won't come back here
tonight.
118
00:08:56,490 --> 00:08:57,750
Always were dramatic.
119
00:08:58,350 --> 00:08:59,350
Promise.
120
00:09:00,150 --> 00:09:03,370
I just... Don't die in my bowling alley.
121
00:09:03,730 --> 00:09:04,730
You hear me?
122
00:09:11,530 --> 00:09:12,530
Holy hell.
123
00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,110
How's it going out there, Bowser?
124
00:09:14,570 --> 00:09:15,570
All good.
125
00:09:18,570 --> 00:09:19,570
Sprinklers Antonio?
126
00:09:19,790 --> 00:09:21,170
Working on it, Little Mike.
127
00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:26,170
OK, Big Mike.
128
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,600
We need those sprinklers, Antonio!
129
00:09:58,620 --> 00:09:59,980
It's not working!
130
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,400
There are too many!
131
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:03,760
Try them!
132
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:08,920
Right!
133
00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:12,960
Follow me, you trot bastard!
134
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,970
not a real person now, huh?
135
00:10:38,510 --> 00:10:39,510
Marjorie!
136
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:40,750
Why'd you come back?
137
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:42,570
I told you not to come back.
138
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,010
You know me.
139
00:10:44,790 --> 00:10:47,030
I'm a stubborn old bitch.
140
00:10:47,990 --> 00:10:49,170
Never could leave.
141
00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:54,210
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
142
00:10:56,450 --> 00:10:59,610
Where are you going, Sam?
143
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:17,620
Ted? He thought he could come here and
destroy me, so I'm going to go there and
144
00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:18,620
destroy him.
145
00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:22,400
Yeah, what do you need from us? I need
you to leave. I clearly can't keep you
146
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:23,740
safe. I can't keep anyone safe.
147
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,720
Well, we won't let Marjorie die for
nothing.
148
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,740
Yeah, he may be one bad son of a bitch,
but you have us.
149
00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,400
Where you go, we go.
150
00:11:47,050 --> 00:11:48,630
There you are, motherfucker.
151
00:11:55,830 --> 00:12:00,370
To the town of our free -roaded stranger
one fine day.
152
00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:06,550
Hardly spoke to folks around him, didn't
have too much to say.
153
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,700
No one dared to ask his business. No one
dared to make a slip.
154
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:16,920
The stranger there among them had a big
iron on his hip.
155
00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:19,080
Big iron on his hip.
156
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:25,320
How long has it been since you flew,
Mike? I never flew anything like this.
157
00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:26,580
We'll be okay.
158
00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:29,060
Louisa.
159
00:12:38,289 --> 00:12:39,890
Big Mike, on my count.
160
00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:42,170
Initiating in three, two, one.
161
00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:51,650
Up the pressure.
162
00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:55,050
Stop responding. We've got to turn back.
We can't turn back.
163
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,180
easy part. Hold on to your dick.
164
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:31,460
Whoa!
165
00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:38,540
Okay, if you're seeing this one, clearly
the holograms are not
166
00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:41,000
working. Let's get him, boys!
167
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:46,920
For some reason, activating vacation
mode.
168
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,640
out here has broken the garbage
disposal.
169
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:08,520
Turn this thing off or I fry her. Dad,
you want to call off deliverance here?
170
00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:10,520
My god, you're his daughter?
171
00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:13,040
It's unbelievable that I'm not allowed
to buy alcohol yet.
172
00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:15,360
Garage, override code Charlie7Alpha.
173
00:14:16,740 --> 00:14:20,820
Take her out, Mike! Wait, don't hurt
her. Oh, jeez, you're back.
174
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,540
Oh, wait, are you still vacation Rick?
175
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:29,080
Please tell me you have the leg bone.
You spring breakers put a hole in my
176
00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:30,420
I'm going back out to the pool.
177
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:39,419
You can say that again.
178
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:42,920
Somebody better get the disposal
running. There's fish bones in there.
179
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,880
called a garbage disposal.
180
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,400
That was your voice on my leg phone.
181
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:49,700
You're his friend?
182
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:50,880
Kind of.
183
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:52,740
I'm your grandson.
184
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,960
Well, looks like we're going to be here
for a while, huh?
185
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:58,020
Where's that fucking red button?
186
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,440
Hey, me?
187
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:02,660
The hologram guy?
188
00:15:03,660 --> 00:15:04,940
Garage? Yes?
189
00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:06,940
You can hear me.
190
00:15:12,170 --> 00:15:12,849
Holy shit.
191
00:15:12,850 --> 00:15:13,850
Hey, Teddy.
192
00:15:14,150 --> 00:15:17,130
As long as you're building spaceman
stuff.
193
00:15:26,950 --> 00:15:30,870
I'm going to get another drink. Come on,
Ted. We were beating you before this,
194
00:15:30,870 --> 00:15:31,870
too. Give me another pitcher.
195
00:15:32,050 --> 00:15:35,410
Sure. Are you one of those hicks with
robot arms? What did you call me? I
196
00:15:35,410 --> 00:15:36,770
thought you guys were owning it.
197
00:15:36,990 --> 00:15:38,350
I'll make it interesting, Teddy.
198
00:15:54,860 --> 00:15:55,980
Beth made pancakes.
199
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,840
I'm busy. You're wearing his clothes
now. It has pockets. It's not a symbol.
200
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,500
Teddy, you know what would be cool?
201
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:08,160
If I had laser eyes or, OK, one eye is a
laser and the other sees through
202
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,160
clothes.
203
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,660
What the hell is that?
204
00:16:10,940 --> 00:16:11,940
Just go in.
205
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:15,760
I can see our bowling alley.
206
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,040
We're going home.
207
00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:19,380
So we won? We beat this guy?
208
00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:22,220
Sure. Oh, yeah. We're going home, boys.
209
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,700
And you'll see me later when we get back
home. Oh.
210
00:16:29,380 --> 00:16:31,640
Want me to keep an eye on your old
stuff?
211
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,520
Sell it if you want. Buy Louisa
something nice.
212
00:16:39,260 --> 00:16:43,160
He looks pretty normal to me.
213
00:16:43,380 --> 00:16:44,380
Talk to him, then.
214
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,540
Dad? Oh, god!
215
00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:49,300
Oh! He's still Ted, apparently.
216
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:50,680
There's a difference?
217
00:16:58,380 --> 00:16:59,380
You see what I'm saying?
218
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:00,900
I'm not staying if I can't swim.
219
00:17:10,540 --> 00:17:15,160
Sometimes I don't know where this dirty
road is taking me.
220
00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:20,560
Sometimes I don't even know the reason
why.
221
00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:27,540
But I guess I keep a gambling, lots of
booze and lots of rambling.
222
00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:33,130
Well, it's easier than just waiting
around.
223
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,660
Well, look who's back.
224
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:06,140
Came to pour one out for Marjorie.
Marjorie's over there.
225
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,800
This is little Mike.
226
00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:10,020
Oh, Jesus.
227
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,060
He got run through on his own robot arm.
Oh, boy.
228
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:14,540
Fuck. He was drunk.
229
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:18,340
Guess he had something in his eye. I
didn't mean for any of this to happen,
230
00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:21,720
guys. It was just nice to vacation with
dumb people.
231
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,040
You did this.
232
00:18:23,220 --> 00:18:26,200
You fake outsider piece of shit.
233
00:18:45,070 --> 00:18:46,070
Grandpa needs you.
234
00:18:46,230 --> 00:18:47,770
Grandpa needs you, Morty.
235
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:52,430
Come on. Okay, Rick. It'll just take a
minute. I mean, Ted, what are we calling
236
00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:53,209
him now?
237
00:18:53,210 --> 00:18:54,930
Jesus, that's really dangerous.
238
00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:58,430
It's empty. I don't know how to get
more, Morty.
239
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:02,570
We gotta get more. Great. The one time I
was winning. Can you take your
240
00:19:02,570 --> 00:19:06,230
grandfather back out to the garage,
please, Morty? That is a troubling
241
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:10,170
dynamic. Everybody knows that, right? We
can discuss it after we get this thing
242
00:19:10,170 --> 00:19:11,170
off your father.
243
00:19:11,390 --> 00:19:15,310
Know what, Morty? I'm not going back
there ever.
244
00:19:15,590 --> 00:19:16,990
Oh. Stupid bowling.
245
00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:19,170
Oh, you moron.
246
00:19:19,530 --> 00:19:20,530
Idiot trophy.
247
00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:22,870
Oh, wait, no. You don't want to keep
some of these?
248
00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:24,130
Let's go happy.
249
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:28,250
Don't drag me like this. Drop it, Morty.
Drop it.
250
00:19:31,490 --> 00:19:33,970
I'm sorry. I tried to shred you, Morty.
251
00:19:34,230 --> 00:19:35,670
You're a nice kid.
252
00:19:35,930 --> 00:19:38,940
Good. Good boy. You should have your
grandpa.
253
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,240
Not this.
254
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:43,520
Stupid Morty. Stupid Ted.
255
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:49,000
If I were just a little bit smarter, I
could figure it out and be happy.
256
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,320
I'm going to push the button, Morty. I'm
going to do it for you.
257
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,420
If that makes you feel better.
258
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:58,140
Is he better at this?
259
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,920
Rick? Um, yeah.
260
00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:02,460
Yeah, he is.
261
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,599
You are.
262
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,980
Don't bullshit me, Morty. No.
263
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:16,720
You have a great family and lots of
friends. You're so happy. And we all
264
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,540
really love you. Ah, fuck it.
265
00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:29,760
It didn't work?
266
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:31,300
No.
267
00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:33,120
It did.
268
00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:53,220
I get stuck on pages You keep
269
00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:59,860
trying to learn Feels like I've been on
this one
270
00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:01,120
for ages
271
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:21,900
as a tourist on our little island. But
now we're going to know you as part of
272
00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:22,679
our family.
273
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,200
I love you, Solpak.
274
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,660
Mush, mush, Moloch. I didn't think I was
the kind of man.
275
00:21:28,940 --> 00:21:30,560
Oh, sorry.
276
00:21:30,980 --> 00:21:32,820
I, um... We love you, Solpak!
277
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,920
Should anyone object?
278
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:39,330
Speak now or forever hold your peace.
279
00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:40,630
Yeah, I object.
280
00:21:40,750 --> 00:21:41,709
It's horrible.
281
00:21:41,710 --> 00:21:44,210
Can we let it play out? He's not in
danger.
282
00:21:44,430 --> 00:21:48,050
I've never seen these people before in
my life. Okay, Grandpa Rick. Let's go.
283
00:21:48,510 --> 00:21:50,190
Vacation's over. It's not my vacation.
284
00:21:50,450 --> 00:21:51,450
It's my home.
285
00:21:52,950 --> 00:21:53,950
Let me go.
286
00:21:55,590 --> 00:21:57,830
Boom. Egged. It's okay.
287
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:02,270
He's an alien who removes his
intelligence to hook up with locals. He
288
00:22:02,270 --> 00:22:04,130
you're simple. He doesn't want to be
known.
289
00:22:06,140 --> 00:22:07,140
Did you get any of that?
20438
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