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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,020 --> 00:00:10,020 This programme contains violent scenes and images of the deceased from the very start 2 00:00:10,020 --> 00:00:18,020 that viewers may find distressing, strong language, offensive and discriminatory attitudes, 3 00:00:18,020 --> 00:00:25,980 and scenes of a sexual nature throughout 4 00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:33,740 DISTANT SCREAMING 5 00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:38,660 WOMAN WAILS 6 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,940 SIRENS WAIL 7 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,860 What is that?! 8 00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:52,500 What is that?! 9 00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:20,540 FRUSTRATED SIGH 10 00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:27,100 Ah-ha! 11 00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:43,300 DOOR OPENS 12 00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:47,940 All right, George? 13 00:01:49,740 --> 00:01:51,340 CAR BEEPS 14 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:56,420 I...normally park at the Richmond Street car park. 15 00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:11,580 ENGINE STARTS 16 00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:16,580 ENGINE REVS 17 00:02:24,580 --> 00:02:27,260 REVVING CONTINUES 18 00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,180 Oh, it's still pay and display in this one, the app doesn't work. 19 00:02:36,180 --> 00:02:37,260 I'll treat you. 20 00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:39,460 You gonna be here all day? 21 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:40,660 That depends, don't it? 22 00:02:43,220 --> 00:02:44,700 Fucking hell. 23 00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:57,700 You watching tonight? 24 00:03:00,220 --> 00:03:01,660 Is that a football question? 25 00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:04,700 Yes. 26 00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,140 No. 27 00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,340 SECURITY SYSTEM BEEPS 28 00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,260 So, you've got this place and the house? 29 00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:24,900 Yeah. But I'm mortgaged to death. 30 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,580 You try making money out of hospitality. 31 00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:29,300 The house is thanks to my parents. 32 00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:31,700 I sold theirs and bought number 5. 33 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:32,900 So, they were rich? 34 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:36,180 What, do I look like Lord Struthers of Morningside? 35 00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:38,700 They just had a nice terraced house in Dundee, 36 00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:40,740 so I murdered them and got the money. 37 00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:44,660 What, and then you got this place with Curtis? 38 00:03:44,660 --> 00:03:46,860 Yep. That is my punishment. 39 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:49,020 I'm buying him out and it's taking for ever, 40 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:52,020 cos it costs a fortune. He still gets 20% of the profits, 41 00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:55,700 which is kind of 20% of not very much, but still... 42 00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,100 The bastard. 43 00:03:58,580 --> 00:04:00,740 I'm seeing him tonight, as a matter of fact. 44 00:04:02,340 --> 00:04:05,060 With his newly beloved. 45 00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:07,340 So, this is the thing. Sometimes when you touch it, 46 00:04:07,340 --> 00:04:08,700 you get a shock. 47 00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:12,980 Oh, well. It's fine now. Typical. 48 00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:15,620 But when it zaps you, that fuse goes. 49 00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:21,780 This one. It trips. Is that the right word? Trips? 50 00:04:21,780 --> 00:04:23,260 I'm gonna have to turn the power off. 51 00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:24,980 I've got the office upstairs, I still need to work. 52 00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:26,140 Yeah, well, I can isolate that. 53 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,420 When did you last get your condition report? 54 00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:31,140 Um, November '25. We're up to date. 55 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:34,820 So, who did your test for you? Ashbury's. 56 00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:37,540 But they charge 500 quid just for a visit. 57 00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:39,740 Yeah, I don't trust 'em. 58 00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:42,060 Do you know where they get their staff from? 59 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:44,540 Aruba. Do you know where that is? 60 00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:47,060 The Caribbean? Exactly. 61 00:04:47,060 --> 00:04:49,260 And I'm not being racist. Well, a little bit. 62 00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:53,660 I mean, think about it. 63 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:54,820 Aruba. 64 00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:57,660 Who owns that? 65 00:04:57,660 --> 00:04:59,020 The Netherlands. 66 00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:03,620 And in the Netherlands, the mains wiring is 230 volts, 67 00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,660 and in Aruba it's 127 volts, 68 00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:08,940 so it's two different systems. It's like a fire trap. 69 00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:12,140 And why do they do that, eh? Have two different voltages? 70 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:14,980 Tesla. 71 00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:16,700 What, like, Elon Musk? 72 00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:19,020 No, Nikolai Tesla. 73 00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:21,740 He was the man who invented AC/DC. 74 00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:24,500 And when he died, the FBI took all his papers 75 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:27,020 and they burnt them so no-one could see them. 76 00:05:27,020 --> 00:05:29,820 And then Elon Musk named his company after him. 77 00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:31,900 That's no coincidence, is it? 78 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:33,340 Meaning? 79 00:05:33,340 --> 00:05:35,540 Exactly. It's a mystery. 80 00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:39,580 When I was young, AC/DC meant bisexual. 81 00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:44,820 Look, there's nothing wrong with this, 82 00:05:44,820 --> 00:05:47,740 but I need to get back here, strip everything away, all right? 83 00:05:47,740 --> 00:05:50,540 Is that gonna cost? Well, it's all gonna cost, innit? 84 00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:53,620 Well, you know, I'm not being rude, but you know what happens. 85 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,340 You get an electrician in and they go, 86 00:05:55,340 --> 00:05:56,620 "Oh, everything needs rewiring," 87 00:05:56,620 --> 00:06:00,020 and a job that was gonna cost 100 quid ends up costing 10,000. 88 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:01,820 You calling me a liar? 89 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,500 No. 90 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,580 The way people talk about workmen. 91 00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:07,300 Nobody else would put up with it. 92 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,980 Imagine if I walked in here, eh, and got a pint and said, 93 00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:12,060 "Have you watered this down?" 94 00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,820 You'd get right on your high horse, wouldn't you? 95 00:06:14,820 --> 00:06:17,220 Do you water it down? No. 96 00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:19,460 Well, there's your first mistake, isn't it? 97 00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:22,940 Paying your ex 20%? I'd start diluting it, mate. 98 00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:25,460 DOOR OPENS Oh. You're here early. 99 00:06:25,460 --> 00:06:27,820 Oh, yeah, this is Clive, the electrician. 100 00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,500 Hi, Clive. I'm Judy. 101 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,340 Don't charge us a million quid, yeah? 102 00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:39,060 Ah, he's the one I told you about! Mm-hm. Clive, from next door. 103 00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:42,100 I met his son online, and I mean online. 104 00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:45,300 He's 16, but said 18, vers bottom. 105 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:47,020 So, what did you do? 106 00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:48,660 Oh, I fucked him. Oh, Leo! 107 00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:52,260 Get off! It was mortifying. Said he was zero metres away. 108 00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:55,180 Zero! He must've seen me, though. 109 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,380 You cheeky little bitch. 110 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,780 But I will be the one to block him, thank you very much. 111 00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:08,460 It's my street and I was gay before he was even a single spunk. 112 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:11,620 Oh, my God, now I'm thinking about his father ejaculating. 113 00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:13,460 This is such a terrible day, 114 00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:16,580 and to top it all I'm seeing Curtis tonight. 115 00:07:16,580 --> 00:07:18,380 Talking of tops. 116 00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:19,940 What for? 117 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,180 HE SIGHS We're being civilised. 118 00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,780 FOOTSTEPS 119 00:07:23,780 --> 00:07:26,220 Could you not talk to him, though? The lad, what's his name? 120 00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:28,460 George. What would we talk about? Morning, Zee. Morning. 121 00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:30,300 Zee, boy next door, 16, 122 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,700 looking for sex online and lying about his age. 123 00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:33,860 Should Leo not have a word? 124 00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:35,300 His dad's downstairs, the electrician. 125 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:38,020 But his dad doesn't know he's gay, so do not say anything. 126 00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:39,380 How do you know he doesn't know? 127 00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:41,380 Because George is alive. 128 00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:43,260 That's a bit 1980s. 129 00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:45,020 You'd be surprised, times are changing. 130 00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:46,780 Not with this family, trust me. 131 00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:49,100 Sit at home with a bad dad and you're as closeted as ever. 132 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,940 Why are you employing him, then? Ahem. 133 00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:53,460 Could you just go and do some work, thank you? 134 00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:55,380 Are you mates with him? The boy? 135 00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:57,380 Why would I be mates with a 16-year-old? 136 00:07:57,380 --> 00:07:59,860 What would we even talk about? about? Bluey? 137 00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:02,780 No, I've hardly said two words to him. He's just like, "Hello." 138 00:08:02,780 --> 00:08:05,580 Oh, I dunno, best not then. Oh, don't take his side. 139 00:08:05,580 --> 00:08:08,340 Yeah, but I can see what he means. It's a funny line to cross. 140 00:08:08,340 --> 00:08:09,780 So, the kid goes online, 141 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:11,940 hooks up, and gets murdered, and that's fine? 142 00:08:11,940 --> 00:08:13,700 But at least he wouldn't have died a virgin. 143 00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:16,740 JUDY CACKLES Oh, power's back on. Hooray. 144 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:19,820 It's weird, innit, 145 00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:21,900 how we know more about his son than he does. 146 00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:25,060 His wife said he had an affair. 147 00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:27,060 For real? In a caravan park. 148 00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:29,820 Oh. Like Jenny and Lee on Gogglebox? 149 00:08:29,820 --> 00:08:33,740 - - Maybe it was Jenny. - Sh! - Don't. THEY LAUGH 150 00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:35,900 He can't hear us. 151 00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:39,060 He can't hear us down there, can he? Nah, course not. No. 152 00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:41,580 Clive! 153 00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:45,340 Yeah? LEO GASPS 154 00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:49,300 Nothing! 155 00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:53,860 I'll start putting these back. 156 00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:56,340 Well, thanks, yeah. Clive. 157 00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:58,340 Nice to meet ya. I'm Zee. 158 00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:04,700 What's that short for, then? 159 00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:07,900 It's not. I'm just Zee. I chose it myself. 160 00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:11,780 How come? 161 00:09:11,780 --> 00:09:15,860 I just did. It's a placeholder till I find the right name. 162 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,260 I'm Hanna. 163 00:09:17,260 --> 00:09:19,660 My girlfriend chose it. She says it's delicate. 164 00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:23,420 How many of you are there? 165 00:09:23,420 --> 00:09:27,380 Morning, all. OK, then. What have we got? 166 00:09:27,380 --> 00:09:29,260 No, no, it's straightforward. 167 00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:32,700 You just had a broken earth cable, so I just replaced it. It's done. 168 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:34,860 But...? 169 00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:38,540 No, no, you were just unlucky. Put in a new cable. All done. 170 00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:41,500 Oh, OK. Great. Well, that's good. 171 00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:45,780 But... Oh, I knew it. How much? 172 00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:48,860 No, it's just this here. I mean, look at it. 173 00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:51,380 You've got the whole thing running out of one socket. 174 00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:54,340 You've got your sound system, your lights, your mic. 175 00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:56,500 What else is plugged in here? 176 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:59,740 Smoke machine. Bubble machine. Oil wheel. 177 00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:01,780 Well, look forward to the inquest when you're all burnt 178 00:10:01,780 --> 00:10:04,660 to death. But, look, I can strip away that wall, 179 00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:08,580 I can rewire it and put in five sockets. 800 quid, all in. 180 00:10:08,580 --> 00:10:10,900 How long are we out of action? No, it'll just take me one night. 181 00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:13,420 I can isolate this wall so you can keep the bar open. 182 00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:17,940 600. 800. All right? And that's final. 183 00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,900 It's not just the electrics, is it? 184 00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:23,140 You know, I've gotta redecorate and patch it all in. 185 00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:25,740 So, 800 gets you my lad in, my son. 186 00:10:25,740 --> 00:10:28,980 He's got level 3 joinery, so he can tidy it all up 187 00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:30,740 and then seal it off for you. 188 00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:32,660 How old's your son? 25. 189 00:10:32,660 --> 00:10:33,900 He's got two sons. 190 00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:37,500 Why? 191 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,220 What do you mean? 192 00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:41,980 Just you have two sons. 193 00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:44,020 So? 194 00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:46,580 Nothing. 195 00:10:48,260 --> 00:10:49,460 Why'd you say that? 196 00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:55,180 I just did, because you have, haven't you? 197 00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:58,780 Does it matter? 198 00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:01,820 No. 199 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,420 OK, great. Um... 200 00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:10,540 700. 800, all right? 201 00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:13,220 And then we're, er... 202 00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:14,660 MUSIC PLAYS 203 00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:15,900 ...disco. 204 00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:22,660 Hey! Go on, Clive. Woo! 205 00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:25,220 THEY LAUGH AND CHEER 206 00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:26,780 MUSIC OFF 207 00:11:26,780 --> 00:11:29,380 That's enough. I'll get started. Er... 208 00:11:29,380 --> 00:11:32,460 What did you get on the van? Two hours? Yeah. 209 00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:36,300 All right, well, you'd better make it all day, hadn't you? Your treat. 210 00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:40,140 See you later. 211 00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:57,620 Ha-ha. 212 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,980 Ah, I'm running late. 213 00:12:16,020 --> 00:12:18,500 Get a taxi and pick me up at 7.30, OK? 214 00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:22,340 Why are we having dinner with your ex? No fucking idea. 215 00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:26,580 Curtis and Maggie at home. At ten o'clock we are leaving, OK? Bye. 216 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,140 MEN LAUGH 217 00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:29,860 He doesn't know what he's talking about. 218 00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:32,580 He was a shit player and he's a shit pundit, I told you. 219 00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:34,700 He doesn't know what he's fucking talking about, he's a... 220 00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:37,220 Oh, he's always on the fucking drink. 221 00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:40,140 Oh... 222 00:12:40,140 --> 00:12:42,180 Wahey! 223 00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:43,860 THEY GROAN 224 00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:48,860 Not in front of my dad, he's a married man. Put it away! 225 00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:51,580 Hey, somewhere to park my bike, anyway. 226 00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:33,140 Bloody flipping Curtis and stupid, bloody thick flipping Maggie. 227 00:13:35,260 --> 00:13:37,020 Deep breath. 228 00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:40,260 Hi! Hey! 229 00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:42,780 Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, out, out, out. 230 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,620 Oh, that dates you. Sorry we're late. 231 00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:46,900 Oh, you look wonderful. Nice to see you. 232 00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:50,700 Oh, I saw Sanjay! Yeah, I know. He said. 233 00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:52,100 It's been ages. How you been? 234 00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:57,220 Er, not bad. Not bad. Yeah. You're looking older and fatter and greyer. 235 00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:58,820 And you're beginning to smell. 236 00:13:58,820 --> 00:14:00,060 THEY CHUCKLE 237 00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:02,420 Let me take that. 238 00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,740 So... who else is coming? 239 00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:08,340 Oh, er, well, it's just us. 240 00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:11,780 Yeah, I thought we could catch up. Have a chance to talk, you know. 241 00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,620 Talk about what? 242 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,660 You know, things. Come on through. 243 00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:23,820 Is that enough for you? 244 00:14:28,540 --> 00:14:31,220 And he grabs my laptop and runs. I mean, 245 00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:33,180 he's, what, 6' 3", all muscles. 246 00:14:33,180 --> 00:14:34,300 I mean, he's only 25 years old, 247 00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:37,700 so he runs like a gymnast, out the front door, gone. 248 00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:40,700 And I run! I run after him into the street, 249 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:43,660 then I hear this click. It's the door closing behind me, 250 00:14:43,660 --> 00:14:47,540 locked, and I'm standing there absolutely naked! 251 00:14:47,540 --> 00:14:50,100 My God, no way. Yeah. I'm standing in the middle of the street 252 00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:51,540 stark bollock naked. 253 00:14:51,540 --> 00:14:53,460 I had to rescue him. Yeah. 254 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,020 Did that really happen? 255 00:14:58,820 --> 00:15:02,900 All hanging out, for all the world to see. Cop a load of this. 256 00:15:07,420 --> 00:15:10,980 But that's it, because Trump is fixing the courts so he can stay 257 00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:13,860 for a third term. Why not a fourth? 258 00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:17,180 Cos you know what this is? The dark age. 259 00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:22,500 It's a new dark age. If I live for 30 more years, 260 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:25,660 I will die before the dark age ends. 261 00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:28,100 This is it, now. For life. 262 00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:31,860 Oh, I've missed all this. Stephanie Soothsayer. 263 00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:35,020 It's a little bit... doom scrolling, don't you think? 264 00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:38,100 Maggie, you can't seriously say these are good times, can you? 265 00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:41,220 Oh, hardly, no, but I think we're in a state of panic. 266 00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:42,980 I don't think it helps. 267 00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:46,460 I panic, apparently. That's not what she means. 268 00:15:46,460 --> 00:15:48,500 I just think... 269 00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:52,260 We can all worry but we need to do something. 270 00:15:55,140 --> 00:15:56,580 So, we are. 271 00:15:57,980 --> 00:16:00,980 Just sort of a little bit of good in the world, yeah? 272 00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:05,820 Yeah. That's what we wanted to say. It's not a big deal, 273 00:16:05,820 --> 00:16:08,980 we just didn't want you to hear it second-hand. 274 00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:11,300 We are going to foster. 275 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:15,780 We did the panel on Monday and they've said yes, 276 00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:18,180 so gonna be foster parents. 277 00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:21,500 Oh! I think that's brilliant. 278 00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,260 Well done. 279 00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:28,220 Nice. That's amazing. Big changes. 280 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:31,620 There's such a shortage. I mean, there is SUCH a shortage. 281 00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:32,700 Although... 282 00:16:34,340 --> 00:16:36,540 ...poor kids having to listen to you two. 283 00:16:36,540 --> 00:16:38,660 CHUCKLING 284 00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:40,660 We're terrified. 285 00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:43,540 And we did try, but I'm 45 now, 286 00:16:43,540 --> 00:16:45,300 and that's not gonna happen. 287 00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:47,980 And this is the next best thing. It's equally good. 288 00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:51,180 Yes, it's... Exactly. Sorry. 289 00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:54,460 Mum and Dad, 290 00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:56,860 here's to you. 291 00:16:56,860 --> 00:16:59,780 Congratulations. We need people like you. 292 00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:03,500 You get a lot of money. 293 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,300 That's why we're doing it. Cold, hard cash. It's the only... 294 00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,380 It's just you never said, when we were together. 295 00:17:09,380 --> 00:17:11,500 You never said you wanted kids. 296 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,340 I didn't back then. 297 00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:16,500 What changed? Nothing. I suppose I was a different person. 298 00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:18,660 Oh, now you're better? 299 00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:19,900 No. 300 00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:22,580 Don't. 301 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:31,980 Right, are we all done? We've got a lovely tiramisu. All good? 302 00:17:31,980 --> 00:17:33,580 I'll give you a hand. 303 00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:47,140 Look, come here. 304 00:17:57,340 --> 00:17:59,420 Daddy. 305 00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:03,620 Might be a complete nightmare. I might regret every single second. 306 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:06,140 You can't fuck up their lives, you know. Children. 307 00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:10,820 Cos they'll have had a hard enough time already. 308 00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:13,020 They don't need to come into a house that's... 309 00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,300 ...austere. 310 00:18:17,460 --> 00:18:19,540 Oh, that's what I am, is it? 311 00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:21,700 Well, I was always the one who was a laugh. 312 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:25,020 I mean, sorry, but our mates did not come round for a hoot with Curtis. 313 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,980 Oh, yeah, you're so funny. I'm laughing. It's just 314 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:29,980 that you never said anything, ever, about kids. 315 00:18:29,980 --> 00:18:32,380 Jamie adopted, you never said a word, not a hint. 316 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,580 It's like I never knew you. 317 00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:37,900 Except, well, hm-hm, 318 00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,700 I didn't, did I? 319 00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:46,580 You know what's really stupid? Since you left. 320 00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:49,140 Eating on my own. 321 00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:53,620 Sitting there, cut it up into little pieces, I eat, 322 00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:57,940 I put down the fork, I wash up. Just all that ceremony. OK. 323 00:18:57,940 --> 00:19:01,100 And then I shit. I shit and I eat. 324 00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:03,460 Might as well be a tube. That's my life. 325 00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:05,100 I'm a tube. 326 00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,020 Do you still have your key? Have I what? 327 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,100 Your key to the house, have you still got it? 328 00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:12,340 Er, I-I-I don't know, maybe. I didn't formally hand it over. 329 00:19:12,340 --> 00:19:14,780 Why? Would you like me to? No, it's just, like... 330 00:19:18,580 --> 00:19:21,780 ...you haven't been back, have you? To the house? 331 00:19:21,780 --> 00:19:25,420 It's just things keep moving. 332 00:19:26,740 --> 00:19:29,100 When I'm not looking. It's... I feel like I'm going mad. 333 00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:32,420 I come back home and it's like things have been moved. 334 00:19:33,660 --> 00:19:35,460 Like a glass... 335 00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:37,380 ...or a bottle... 336 00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:40,940 ...a letter, or a book that's the wrong way round. 337 00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:45,620 Or a little bit less wine. 338 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,060 And then I turn on the TV. You know when you turn on the TV, 339 00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,100 it goes to the last channel you were on? 340 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:55,660 When I turn it on, it goes to channel 161. What the hell is 161? 341 00:19:57,660 --> 00:19:59,060 You OK? 342 00:20:01,140 --> 00:20:02,940 Yeah. 343 00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,260 It's not me. 344 00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:08,740 No, I didn't... I didn't think it was. 345 00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:11,620 I don't really think there's anyone in your house. 346 00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:15,020 No. 347 00:20:18,140 --> 00:20:19,540 I've gone. 348 00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:23,620 Yeah. 349 00:20:23,620 --> 00:20:26,940 I've left you, darling. I've gone. 350 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:31,180 LEO CRIES 351 00:20:32,740 --> 00:20:35,780 I love you by Billie Eilish 352 00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,220 You OK? Yeah. 353 00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:52,220 Yeah, yeah. 354 00:20:57,060 --> 00:20:58,860 I'm fine. 355 00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:03,260 No, no, no, wait. The best bit, I'll tell you the best bit. 356 00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:06,140 Maggie, sob story, barren Maggie. 357 00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:10,060 When she said, "Did that really happen?" 358 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,700 Oh, my God, yeah, how to kill a fucking story. 359 00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:15,700 "Did that really happen?" Oh, "Hardly." 360 00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,660 "Hardly." She said that. 361 00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:22,020 "Ooh, hardly." Downton Abbey. "Hardly." 362 00:21:22,020 --> 00:21:25,500 Ah, that's why she snared him. To be a mother, 363 00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:29,100 that's what she wanted all this time. I said so. 364 00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:30,980 Do you know what I'm going to do tonight? 365 00:21:30,980 --> 00:21:33,140 APP BLEEPS I'm gonna get laid. 366 00:21:33,140 --> 00:21:35,540 I'm gonna get fucked and battered and rimmed. 367 00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:37,740 I am so gonna get rimmed. 368 00:21:37,740 --> 00:21:40,980 Did you know that Curtis has never eaten arse his entire life? 369 00:21:40,980 --> 00:21:42,460 Yup, you did tell me. 370 00:21:42,460 --> 00:21:44,580 He'd only eat it with some coriander. 371 00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:46,860 But tonight's the night! 372 00:21:48,700 --> 00:21:50,700 All right, my darling. Goodnight. 373 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:53,100 Bend over and think of Scotland. 374 00:21:55,820 --> 00:21:57,980 Oh, don't worry, I've only had two beers, 375 00:21:57,980 --> 00:22:01,100 so I won't turn up hung over. This is Leo, my gay neighbour. 376 00:22:01,100 --> 00:22:02,980 Oh, if that's not offensive. 377 00:22:02,980 --> 00:22:05,220 Well, it is. So watch it. 378 00:22:07,180 --> 00:22:09,380 Don't talk to your employer like that. 379 00:22:18,780 --> 00:22:23,060 You little fuckers. Big fuckers. Hot, hairy, hung. 380 00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:24,660 MOANING 381 00:22:31,060 --> 00:22:32,660 Yes. 382 00:22:49,980 --> 00:22:51,820 DOORBELL RINGS 383 00:22:52,860 --> 00:22:55,380 Found you. Hello, I'm Dave. 384 00:22:55,380 --> 00:22:57,180 I know it says Francesco on the app, 385 00:22:57,180 --> 00:23:02,780 but Francesco gets more results, so, anyway, it's Dave really. 386 00:23:02,780 --> 00:23:04,300 Yeah, hi, I'm Leo. 387 00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:06,900 And that's your real name? Yes. Good start. 388 00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:08,780 There's a lot of liars on that thing. 389 00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:17,260 Ooh, nice place. Thanks. 390 00:23:17,260 --> 00:23:18,980 Do you own it? I do, yeah. 391 00:23:21,460 --> 00:23:24,380 It's nice. And is it just you? 392 00:23:24,380 --> 00:23:30,500 Just me. And that is how it's gonna stay, I'm afraid. Just me. 393 00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:31,940 Um... 394 00:23:31,940 --> 00:23:34,660 I'm fine with being on my own. 395 00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:37,660 I didn't come round to marry you. 396 00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:38,980 No, but... 397 00:23:40,580 --> 00:23:42,020 ...I've changed my mind. 398 00:23:43,580 --> 00:23:47,340 I'm just not up for it tonight. I thought I was, but I'm not. 399 00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:48,660 You know when it just goes? 400 00:23:50,060 --> 00:23:51,780 You're kidding me? Sorry. 401 00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:57,100 Another one. 402 00:24:01,180 --> 00:24:02,860 You know, I came all this way. 403 00:24:02,860 --> 00:24:05,780 Well, 662 metres. Not that far. 404 00:24:05,780 --> 00:24:07,060 Piss off. 405 00:24:08,220 --> 00:24:09,500 I will. 406 00:24:22,540 --> 00:24:24,100 Oh. 407 00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:28,060 MESSAGE ALERT 408 00:24:30,700 --> 00:24:32,420 Oh, fuck. 409 00:25:10,660 --> 00:25:12,420 MESSAGE ALERT 410 00:25:12,420 --> 00:25:15,980 RAISED VOICES 411 00:25:26,060 --> 00:25:28,540 ARGUMENT CONTINUES 412 00:25:28,540 --> 00:25:30,860 I don't blame him, your own friends treat you like shit. 413 00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:32,140 Yeah, you'd know. 414 00:25:32,140 --> 00:25:35,500 They might as well piss on the floor. I'll get them a trough! 415 00:26:03,620 --> 00:26:05,340 MESSAGE ALERT 416 00:26:06,980 --> 00:26:08,420 Apostrophe. 417 00:26:26,620 --> 00:26:31,460 I want to know why you would look at something so disgusting. 418 00:27:16,340 --> 00:27:18,300 Fuck you. 419 00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:20,700 Fuck off, then. Fuck off, kid. 420 00:27:20,700 --> 00:27:22,500 All right? 421 00:28:33,060 --> 00:28:34,900 MESSAGE ALERT 422 00:28:47,180 --> 00:28:49,340 MESSAGE ALERT 423 00:29:48,860 --> 00:29:50,700 MESSAGE ALERT 424 00:29:53,340 --> 00:29:54,340 MESSAGE ALERT 425 00:29:56,180 --> 00:29:58,060 MESSAGE ALERT 426 00:30:57,620 --> 00:31:00,740 I love you. 427 00:31:03,140 --> 00:31:04,740 I still love you. 428 00:31:44,980 --> 00:31:47,220 LEO GROANS 429 00:31:47,220 --> 00:31:48,740 Oh, no. 430 00:32:53,340 --> 00:32:55,380 MESSAGE ALERT 431 00:33:10,860 --> 00:33:13,420 George, I swear, if you tell your girl friends about this, 432 00:33:13,420 --> 00:33:16,220 they will tell you that every single stupid boy does this, 433 00:33:16,220 --> 00:33:17,700 and you'll laugh about it. 434 00:33:19,460 --> 00:33:21,460 Because there's such a big world out there, 435 00:33:21,460 --> 00:33:25,140 and you can have boyfriends or girlfriends or... whatever you like. 436 00:33:26,580 --> 00:33:29,940 You can have all the wild and crazy hot sex you want, 437 00:33:29,940 --> 00:33:31,420 night after night. 438 00:33:33,580 --> 00:33:37,380 Cos I promise you, George, there's a great big gay life 439 00:33:37,380 --> 00:33:39,060 just waiting for you. 440 00:33:46,620 --> 00:33:48,220 DOOR OPENS 441 00:33:48,220 --> 00:33:51,180 I'm coming in, so hands by your sides, all right? 442 00:33:51,180 --> 00:33:54,100 Listen, all this stuff between your mum and me, 443 00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:56,540 I don't want you hearing that, you know, so, er... 444 00:33:58,860 --> 00:33:59,940 There you go. 445 00:34:03,820 --> 00:34:06,340 You all right? Yeah. Well, you don't look it. 446 00:34:08,420 --> 00:34:11,500 What is it? It's the game. Dog died. 447 00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:13,380 MESSAGE ALERT 448 00:34:13,380 --> 00:34:15,300 Who are you texting? What's it to you? 449 00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:16,660 Oh, come on. It's late, isn't it? 450 00:34:16,660 --> 00:34:18,220 You've got college tomorrow and you know the rules. 451 00:34:18,220 --> 00:34:20,300 The phone's not private until you're 18. 452 00:34:20,300 --> 00:34:21,460 So, come on, give us it. 453 00:34:23,940 --> 00:34:26,980 Is it a girl? Shut up. No, has she upset you? 454 00:34:26,980 --> 00:34:28,340 Can you just leave me alone? 455 00:34:28,340 --> 00:34:30,580 I wanna tell you something important, all right? 456 00:34:30,580 --> 00:34:32,100 They're not worth it. 457 00:34:33,540 --> 00:34:34,980 Not one of them. 458 00:34:44,060 --> 00:34:45,820 MESSAGE ALERT 459 00:34:49,540 --> 00:34:51,460 Urgh, you're disgusting. 460 00:35:26,740 --> 00:35:29,540 Morning, all. Morning! Morning, lover boy. How's Curtis? 461 00:35:29,540 --> 00:35:34,140 Oh, boring old bastard. Hello, Saul. All right, boss. Nice gaff. 462 00:35:34,140 --> 00:35:36,100 You're late. 463 00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:39,860 No. I was in early yesterday because of you. 464 00:35:39,860 --> 00:35:43,540 This is, like, a normal time of day, because I work late. 465 00:35:43,540 --> 00:35:44,940 And... 466 00:35:44,940 --> 00:35:46,980 ...I want to apologise. 467 00:35:46,980 --> 00:35:50,300 If I was a bit rude last night. I, er... Sorry about that. 468 00:35:50,300 --> 00:35:51,460 I meant no offence. 469 00:35:51,460 --> 00:35:53,420 Why, what did you say? 470 00:35:53,420 --> 00:35:54,780 It's all done and dusted. 471 00:35:56,740 --> 00:35:57,860 So, are we good? 472 00:35:57,860 --> 00:36:00,060 Told you, got nothing on my conscience. 473 00:36:00,060 --> 00:36:02,700 I only had two pints, so my head is clear. 474 00:36:02,700 --> 00:36:05,740 Not me. I'm fucking hanging. 475 00:36:05,740 --> 00:36:08,220 I'll tell you what, boss. I said to Jude, 476 00:36:08,220 --> 00:36:10,220 "Have you got any paint left from when you last did the walls?" 477 00:36:10,220 --> 00:36:12,580 She looked in the cellar. And there it was, sitting at the back, 478 00:36:12,580 --> 00:36:14,700 after all these years. No-one ever chucks paint away. 479 00:36:14,700 --> 00:36:16,140 Don't know how to do it. 480 00:36:16,140 --> 00:36:18,420 That saves a bit of money. Nicely played. 481 00:36:18,420 --> 00:36:21,180 Well, welcome on board, Saul. All right, 482 00:36:21,180 --> 00:36:23,140 me and Judy have got the managers' meeting now, 483 00:36:23,140 --> 00:36:25,780 all the bars and clubs with the council. It's a riot. 484 00:36:25,780 --> 00:36:29,500 Help yourself to anything, and Mikey can look after you. Mikey, 485 00:36:29,500 --> 00:36:33,500 you've met Clive. That's Saul, Clive's son. All right? 486 00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:34,780 Morning, fellas. 487 00:36:36,180 --> 00:36:38,260 SHE MOUTHS 488 00:36:39,660 --> 00:36:41,180 DOOR OPENS 489 00:37:04,100 --> 00:37:07,900 It's Saul, isn't it? I mean, you're Hotsaul. 490 00:37:07,900 --> 00:37:11,580 Oh, mate, don't tell me you subscribe. It's for girls, you know. 491 00:37:11,580 --> 00:37:13,660 Can't stop me. As long as you're paying. 492 00:37:13,660 --> 00:37:15,140 I'm on there. Are you? 493 00:37:15,140 --> 00:37:17,660 Mikey Manchester. How much do you make? 494 00:37:17,660 --> 00:37:19,300 20,000 a year. 495 00:37:19,300 --> 00:37:22,620 Fucking hell. I make six if I'm lucky. What you working here for? 496 00:37:22,620 --> 00:37:25,820 My dad. He's a... dickhead. 497 00:37:25,820 --> 00:37:28,060 Left us with a load of debts and shit. 498 00:37:28,060 --> 00:37:30,140 But hey, if you ever wanna collab... 499 00:37:30,140 --> 00:37:31,740 Oh, mate, not my scene. 500 00:37:31,740 --> 00:37:33,260 I could teach you. 501 00:37:33,260 --> 00:37:34,940 Seriously, just women. Yeah? 502 00:37:34,940 --> 00:37:36,180 Take a Viagra. 503 00:37:36,180 --> 00:37:39,580 Nice try, cheers, mate. Keep subscribing. Have a good wank. 504 00:37:39,580 --> 00:37:40,820 I've done that. 505 00:37:44,620 --> 00:37:47,060 I am catnip in this place. 506 00:37:47,060 --> 00:37:51,020 What do you mean? That Mikey lad, asking to diddle me. Begging for it. 507 00:37:52,100 --> 00:37:53,260 So, what did you say? 508 00:37:53,260 --> 00:37:56,820 I said, "Up your arse." That was a mistake. He said, "Yes, please." 509 00:37:59,900 --> 00:38:01,420 And who is she? 510 00:38:01,420 --> 00:38:02,980 I'm Saul. I'm with him. 511 00:38:04,460 --> 00:38:06,020 Well, isn't he the lucky one? 512 00:38:07,300 --> 00:38:08,740 Told you. Catnip. 513 00:38:14,460 --> 00:38:16,220 And who are you? 514 00:38:16,220 --> 00:38:17,900 I'm the electrician. 515 00:38:17,900 --> 00:38:20,300 Oh, the neighbour. That's right. 516 00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:22,420 The horny-handed son of toil. 517 00:38:23,460 --> 00:38:28,460 You're the one with the son. Mm. He said he was hot. 518 00:38:28,460 --> 00:38:30,540 Who did? 519 00:38:30,540 --> 00:38:32,020 Leo. 520 00:38:33,060 --> 00:38:34,980 When did he say that? 521 00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:38,140 Wasn't he naked, your boy? 522 00:38:38,140 --> 00:38:41,180 Wasn't there a story that Leo was in your house, 523 00:38:41,180 --> 00:38:43,260 and your son was naked? 524 00:38:43,260 --> 00:38:44,740 Yeah. 525 00:38:44,740 --> 00:38:47,300 When the boss got locked out the house. He means Saul. 526 00:38:47,300 --> 00:38:49,780 Yeah, well he doesn't mean George, does he? George is 16. 527 00:38:49,780 --> 00:38:50,940 He's legal. 528 00:38:50,940 --> 00:38:54,540 Melba, it's a bit dangerous in here with the electrics. 529 00:38:54,540 --> 00:38:56,700 Let's keep you safe, eh? Sit you by the window. 530 00:38:56,700 --> 00:39:00,100 Hanna's actually nipping out for some toasties if you want one. 531 00:39:00,100 --> 00:39:02,420 Let's get you a nice cheese and ham toastie, eh? 532 00:39:05,900 --> 00:39:08,900 Next point of order, Lauchlan McCartney. 533 00:39:08,900 --> 00:39:10,660 You'll be glad to hear he's currently residing 534 00:39:10,660 --> 00:39:12,740 at His Majesty's pleasure. Which one's he? 535 00:39:12,740 --> 00:39:15,940 The Bird Man. Big tall skinhead, you've seen him. 536 00:39:15,940 --> 00:39:18,500 He'd bite the heads off pigeons and leave 'em outside Cruz 101. 537 00:39:18,500 --> 00:39:21,660 Oh, yeah. Not any more. Pigeon population is restored. 538 00:39:21,660 --> 00:39:24,140 Next on the list, over to you, Lucille. 539 00:39:24,140 --> 00:39:27,020 This was tough. Miss Titty Ditty. 540 00:39:27,020 --> 00:39:30,060 Titty Ditty is a cabaret artist from Glasgow. 541 00:39:30,060 --> 00:39:33,060 We booked her, but she then prints posters 542 00:39:33,060 --> 00:39:34,980 and starts advertising on her website, 543 00:39:34,980 --> 00:39:36,700 this is her, not us, 544 00:39:36,700 --> 00:39:39,500 and the image had a Star of David on it. 545 00:39:39,500 --> 00:39:42,220 Now, it's got all sorts on it. It's got Spider-Man, 546 00:39:42,220 --> 00:39:45,580 it's got the TARDIS, it's got Cynthia Erivo. 547 00:39:45,580 --> 00:39:47,740 It's a collage, but we get protests. 548 00:39:47,740 --> 00:39:49,860 They think she's anti-Palestine. 549 00:39:49,860 --> 00:39:52,740 And is she? I don't think she could point to Palestine on a map. 550 00:39:52,740 --> 00:39:55,380 She sings limericks on a banjo. The next thing you know, 551 00:39:55,380 --> 00:39:56,660 our staff are being assaulted, 552 00:39:56,660 --> 00:39:58,460 security, they're getting food flung at them, 553 00:39:58,460 --> 00:40:00,060 chips and stuff thrown in their face. 554 00:40:00,060 --> 00:40:01,500 Who does that? Passers-by? 555 00:40:01,500 --> 00:40:03,340 No, our lot. 556 00:40:03,340 --> 00:40:07,420 Lesbians at a lesbian bar attacking the lesbian staff 557 00:40:07,420 --> 00:40:10,780 because of a lesbian with a Jewish symbol. What the hell's going on? 558 00:40:12,300 --> 00:40:16,180 On behalf of the council, I've got to say, we're very happy. 559 00:40:16,180 --> 00:40:19,540 We can review the use of polycarbonates after 11pm, 560 00:40:19,540 --> 00:40:22,460 but I do have one worry. 561 00:40:22,460 --> 00:40:24,700 You have a lot of drag queens on the door. 562 00:40:27,180 --> 00:40:28,620 We do. Are you sure? 563 00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:32,140 We definitely do. I've seen them. 564 00:40:32,140 --> 00:40:34,180 Are you sure about the policy? 565 00:40:34,180 --> 00:40:36,260 We think it might drive people away. 566 00:40:36,260 --> 00:40:38,420 I think they draw people in. In fact, I know they do. 567 00:40:38,420 --> 00:40:39,900 People love a drag queen. 568 00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:42,460 In 2026? Since time immemorial. 569 00:40:42,460 --> 00:40:44,340 I don't quite understand what the problem is here. 570 00:40:44,340 --> 00:40:46,780 I'm gay. I go to Canal Street. 571 00:40:46,780 --> 00:40:49,700 I discover that gay means a man in lipstick 572 00:40:49,700 --> 00:40:51,980 and a wig with false breasts and glitter. 573 00:40:51,980 --> 00:40:53,340 How does that represent me? 574 00:40:53,340 --> 00:40:55,180 It's not meant to represent you. 575 00:40:55,180 --> 00:40:58,500 No, but nothing ever represents me, does it? So, what do you want? 576 00:40:58,500 --> 00:41:00,660 Door staff in... 577 00:41:03,020 --> 00:41:04,180 What? 578 00:41:06,100 --> 00:41:08,940 He's not even gay. He's been seen with a woman called Elaine. 579 00:41:08,940 --> 00:41:11,020 He just pretends to be gay to get promoted. 580 00:41:11,020 --> 00:41:13,380 That's how it works these days. 581 00:41:13,380 --> 00:41:17,460 Ah, I always said the left would eat itself, and the feasting has begun. 582 00:41:17,460 --> 00:41:21,100 They're throwing chips. With tomato fucking sauce. 583 00:41:21,100 --> 00:41:23,220 Do you still have that youth group? 584 00:41:23,220 --> 00:41:24,900 Er, yeah, still going. 585 00:41:24,900 --> 00:41:28,900 I've got a youth for you. Let me save one of them. Just one. 586 00:41:28,900 --> 00:41:31,020 Ah, that's what I like to see. 587 00:41:31,020 --> 00:41:33,380 At least I can trust you lot. Morning, Melba. 588 00:41:33,380 --> 00:41:36,940 My meeting was dull, stupid and insane. 589 00:41:36,940 --> 00:41:39,660 Hello, Clive. All good? Saul, happy? 590 00:41:39,660 --> 00:41:42,420 All good. Oh, and Benny from the brewery. 591 00:41:42,420 --> 00:41:45,340 On cue. A warm hand on your entrance. 592 00:41:45,340 --> 00:41:48,260 You wish. Christ, I've had a night and a half. 593 00:41:48,260 --> 00:41:51,460 Hello, Leonardo. Hand those out. Special offers, 594 00:41:51,460 --> 00:41:53,500 Love Your Best Friend Day on the 31st. What? 595 00:41:53,500 --> 00:41:55,580 I know, I don't know who comes up with this shit, me. 596 00:41:55,580 --> 00:41:57,020 Someone in a room. 597 00:41:57,020 --> 00:41:59,940 So, I went out last night, hooked up with this ice skater. He said, 598 00:41:59,940 --> 00:42:02,100 "I'm with Disney on Ice." I said, "Well, better than being 599 00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:04,460 "with Disney on fire." No word of a lie, 600 00:42:04,460 --> 00:42:06,660 grabbed his arse, it was like holding a skull. 601 00:42:06,660 --> 00:42:09,180 Ooh, nice. I know. And hung like a deodorant. 602 00:42:09,180 --> 00:42:12,180 Like a lady-size roll-on? Fuck your mother. 603 00:42:12,180 --> 00:42:14,580 I'm talking a cannister of Right Guard. Huh? 604 00:42:14,580 --> 00:42:16,660 You should see me, girls, I'm prolapsed. 605 00:42:16,660 --> 00:42:19,460 And he shot his load. Do you know how many ropes? 606 00:42:19,460 --> 00:42:22,660 12. In the face. One, ow, two, ow, three, ow, four, ow... 607 00:42:22,660 --> 00:42:24,020 I was like a battered wife. 608 00:42:24,020 --> 00:42:25,660 CLATTER 609 00:42:25,660 --> 00:42:27,580 Trying to work here. 610 00:42:28,660 --> 00:42:30,980 Don't you tell me to put a plug in it, darling, 611 00:42:30,980 --> 00:42:32,620 cos I've already got one in. 612 00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:35,020 Benny from the brewery, this is Clive. 613 00:42:35,020 --> 00:42:36,540 We're having some electrics done. 614 00:42:36,540 --> 00:42:40,380 Oh. Are you putting the neon back up? Oh, my God. 615 00:42:40,380 --> 00:42:42,140 That's a thought, I love the neon. 616 00:42:42,140 --> 00:42:44,820 I love the neon. Do you remember? 617 00:42:44,820 --> 00:42:47,020 Ta-da! CHEERING 618 00:42:47,020 --> 00:42:49,300 See? Told you. 619 00:42:49,300 --> 00:42:50,620 ELECTRICAL FIZZING 620 00:42:50,620 --> 00:42:51,820 GROANS 621 00:42:51,820 --> 00:42:53,700 Oh. Shit. 622 00:42:53,700 --> 00:42:54,820 What happened to that thing? 623 00:42:54,820 --> 00:42:57,300 Never bloody worked, did it? And I got the blame for it. 624 00:42:57,300 --> 00:42:59,820 Come on, Curtis. £1,000 that thing cost! 625 00:42:59,820 --> 00:43:02,700 You wasted £1,000 on a stupid tacky gimmick. 626 00:43:02,700 --> 00:43:04,020 Yeah, we should put it back up. 627 00:43:04,020 --> 00:43:08,060 Curtis would be so pissed off. Hey, Clive, can you fix neon signs? 628 00:43:08,060 --> 00:43:10,140 Cost you extra. Where is it? It's not here. 629 00:43:10,140 --> 00:43:12,980 Oh, no, it's at home, it's at mine. I got it in the divorce. 630 00:43:12,980 --> 00:43:15,660 It's a big old thing. Clive, could you bring it in your van tomorrow? 631 00:43:15,660 --> 00:43:17,860 No, I told you, it's a one-day job, innit? 632 00:43:17,860 --> 00:43:20,060 And anyway, I think I'm finished with this place. 633 00:43:20,060 --> 00:43:21,780 Well, I'm still paying you. 634 00:43:23,020 --> 00:43:26,300 All right, yeah. I'll go and get it. Where is it? Your house? Um... 635 00:43:26,300 --> 00:43:27,700 I've got the keys, haven't I? 636 00:43:27,700 --> 00:43:30,020 No, but I don't like anyone going into my house without me. 637 00:43:30,020 --> 00:43:32,220 Why not? What am I gonna do? I just don't. 638 00:43:32,220 --> 00:43:35,020 Well, maybe you should come with me, eh? Cos I wanna talk to you 639 00:43:35,020 --> 00:43:39,060 about inappropriate behaviour. Your staff making suggestions 640 00:43:39,060 --> 00:43:42,060 to my son. Oh, shut up, Dad. Don't be stupid. 641 00:43:42,060 --> 00:43:45,340 What did you do? Didn't do anything. 642 00:43:45,340 --> 00:43:47,540 Ooh, drama, salt my popcorn. 643 00:43:50,140 --> 00:43:52,780 He asked him for sex, and I know the law. That's inappropriate. 644 00:43:52,780 --> 00:43:55,660 All right, all right, I'll have a word, but come on, Clive. 645 00:43:55,660 --> 00:43:58,940 They're lads. They banter. Wasn't it just banter? 646 00:43:58,940 --> 00:44:01,820 Saul's 25 years old. Exactly, he's not a kid. 647 00:44:01,820 --> 00:44:05,180 Yeah, and he's not bent. Oh, so that's the problem. 648 00:44:05,180 --> 00:44:07,940 I did not make a pass at him. You're kidding me. 649 00:44:07,940 --> 00:44:09,460 What, I'm not seriously getting bollocked? 650 00:44:09,460 --> 00:44:12,180 It's people your age who insist on these rules, 651 00:44:12,180 --> 00:44:15,220 for good reason. And I think this is private, Zee. 652 00:44:15,220 --> 00:44:17,060 I saw them. Saul was laughing. 653 00:44:17,060 --> 00:44:19,660 Why is everything always sex with you lot, eh? All the time. 654 00:44:19,660 --> 00:44:21,620 And it's not like that with you? Come on, Clive. 655 00:44:21,620 --> 00:44:22,980 Take me to one of your building sites. 656 00:44:22,980 --> 00:44:25,340 Let me listen to your mates. I'd be shocked. 657 00:44:25,340 --> 00:44:27,980 "Fuck your mother," that man said. I mean, "Fuck your mother"?! 658 00:44:27,980 --> 00:44:29,100 Who says that? 659 00:44:29,100 --> 00:44:32,700 I was being professional. This IS my profession. 660 00:44:32,700 --> 00:44:36,220 We're both on Only Fans. Look, and there's Saul... 661 00:44:36,220 --> 00:44:39,700 ...selling himself here. Have it on the group chat. 662 00:44:50,180 --> 00:44:51,380 Anything good? 663 00:44:51,380 --> 00:44:54,380 That person with the lipstick said that you fancied Saul. 664 00:44:54,380 --> 00:44:55,500 I mean, how old are you, Leo? 665 00:44:55,500 --> 00:44:57,300 Clive, look, he's 6'5" and strapping. 666 00:44:57,300 --> 00:44:58,940 I'm allowed to notice. 667 00:44:58,940 --> 00:45:01,580 If-If you had a mate who had a daughter who was 25 668 00:45:01,580 --> 00:45:03,620 and gorgeous, you'd notice, so... 669 00:45:03,620 --> 00:45:06,420 MESSAGE ALERT It's not my fault that Saul is... 670 00:45:06,420 --> 00:45:07,740 We've got rules about this. 671 00:45:07,740 --> 00:45:09,820 Saul's an employee. You can't play that. 672 00:45:25,980 --> 00:45:27,300 LEO CACKLES 673 00:45:27,300 --> 00:45:31,220 What? What's so funny? No, it's nothing, it's nothing. 674 00:45:32,340 --> 00:45:33,980 Nothing, really. 675 00:45:37,580 --> 00:45:39,540 You're laughing, aren't you? Just all of ya. 676 00:45:39,540 --> 00:45:41,900 You're laughing at filth. It's just filth. 677 00:45:41,900 --> 00:45:44,540 Deodorants? And you wonder why you get hate. 678 00:45:44,540 --> 00:45:46,820 All right, you can hate us and blame us all you like, 679 00:45:46,820 --> 00:45:48,780 but why don't you sit down with your son, huh? 680 00:45:48,780 --> 00:45:50,820 Your straight son, and ask him? 681 00:46:27,100 --> 00:46:30,900 Subtitles by Red Bee Media 51279

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