Original subtitles

Wow.

Little!

Oh, fuck!

Hi, hi. Sorry, I know. I've locked myself out. I was just putting something

the bin and then... Click.

So, what do you want as a ladder?

Um, no, I don't think I've got any windows open. I just need to phone my

Stephanie. Remember her? My best mate? She's got a spare key. I mean, I've got

spare key, but guess what it is?

In the house.

Fat lot of good that is.

Yeah, look, you better get in, haven't you?

Sorry, George.

Got locked out.

Feel a bit stupid.

How are you doing? How's school?

It's college now. College!

Good, well done.

Yeah.

No, but I don't know her number. I mean, who knows numbers anymore? But I

remember she did that charity thing with Marie. You know, remember the kids'

breakfast thing? So I thought she might have it.

Marie's in work.

I know.

So, could you...

Clive?

I'm busy. What is it?

Yeah, I've got Leo from next door standing here.

In his pants.

Yeah, he's locked himself out.

You know why that is, don't you?

Because Bridget was on WhatsApp two minutes ago. I'm trying to do the job,

it's pink, pink, pink, all about him from next door.

Because you know what she said.

Guess what she saw, Bridget?

Is that right?

What do you mean, running?

Running out of the house?

It was.

And then what happened?

Leo was running.

Yeah, no, he said you've got his friend's number.

That's, um, Stephanie.

Yeah, yeah, that's the one, yeah.

Yeah, no, but she's got the key, so just text it to me.

Bridget, officer, she says there was a man came running out to your house, and

then you came running after him, but he ran off, so that's how you got locked

up. Right.

Him.

Morning. Hi.

It's quite nice.

We've never tried gooning before.

Not as a couple.

Um, can I get you a coffee, or...? Yeah. Uh, black. Thanks.

Eddie. Leo.

That's the one.

Um, I'd offer you some toast, but I don't have anything in.

I wasn't expecting anyone overnight.

It kind of surprised me.

Not that I'm complaining.

Little... That was my friend, Eddie.

And he was staying with me. And he went. I waved him goodbye.

And that's when I took out the paper stuff thing for the bin.

Oh, well.

Stephanie.

I know, but I'm in my pants. I'll have to open up at work.

I know you're busy. I'm sorry, but... Hold on.

What the fuck are you doing?

Um, I got, I got locked out.

You weirdo.

Steph, Steph, I'll take you to eat Christmas. I swear, I'll pay. Just get

of here.

She has a key. Saul, I don't think you should be naked in front of Mr

Don't bother me.

Yeah, well, it bothers me, so go and get some clothes on, eh?

Hello! Hey!

That's enough.

I apologise for my son.

Thanks.

Stephanie will be around in about 20 minutes. She's wrapping something up at

work and then she's coming over.

Just put the keys in an Uber. Ah, she thinks they're all anti -union, she

touch them, so... All right, if I just wait here?

No.

OK, for 20 minutes. Yeah, no, I need to get to work in a bit.

I can sit and watch TV.

George, what time are you at college?

11. Yeah, you can't sit here with him.

Why not?

Hey. God.

Did you get the jacket?

Oh, Clive, next door. He was not happy, let me tell you.

His wife was always angry.

I'm surprised they're still together after what happened.

There was a hook -up. God, Eddie, he nicked my laptop and ran off. I ran

him and got blocked out.

I'm disgraceful. You're lucky.

It could have been a lot worse.

I mean, you're sitting here.

God's sake.

I'm allowed to have fun.

What, like this?

Really?

He's not coming back, Steph.

Did you see on Instagram?

Curtis in Italy.

With her.

So, why are we surprised? What happened next door with Clive Goss, Goss the

boss? He slept with someone else.

Did he?

On holiday in a caravan park.

Ew. I mean, imagine.

I mean, what else is there to do but fuck around?

If you think about it, they've got a son who's, what, 25, but the other one's

only 15?

16. So that age gap means marriage in crisis.

Having a month's house never fixes anything.

You eat too much cheese?

Well, not anymore.

How's work?

It's insane.

Thanks to you lot.

What does that mean?

That's all your fault, isn't it?

What if?

We got this. He's in care now.

He arrived in Britain in December.

But he's on that scheme, so there's no records.

Says he's 14.

Is he fuck 14?

He's got a moustache. He's got a beard.

He's 21, at least.

But he says he's 14, so 14 it is.

And he's taking the boys out drinking.

Don't tell me there's no drugs.

There are drugs.

But it's the way he looks at the girls.

And he's always outside the bathroom, every time a girl has a shower, standing

there, grinning.

But that's just the beginning, because this boy, this man, is on top of the

to be fostered. Which means I have to process the application.

And these foster families, they've got daughters.

But what do I tell them? I can't warn them.

I'm not allowed.

Because he says he's 14, and therefore it's a fact.

So what can I do?

Nothing.

And how is it my fault?

He self -identifies.

Which you lot invented.

Thanks very much.

Hey, how you doing?

What is that? Love of my life. It would never work. Good job.

Are you? Yeah.

Morning.

What time do you call this?

Beauty app's broken up, boss. I was waiting outside.

Hello, Eddie.

Morning, everybody.

Morning, boss.

No.

I finished here last night. I was going to go straight home. Then I thought, oh,

quick little snifter at Monroe.

Met a man called Eddie. Tall, thin, hot.

Chat, chat, chat.

90 minutes later, took him home. You didn't. I did.

Wild sack.

I will draw a veil. Then this morning we get up, go downstairs.

He grabs my laptop and runs.

Into the street. I run after him. The door closes behind me. I'm locked out of

my own house, stark naked.

No way.

Stark, bollock naked in the street. All I could do was steal a garden gnome from

next door to hide my privates.

I said to God, I'm in the middle of the street, my arse hanging out, and a

garden gnome hiding my Kemi Badenoff.

Wait, there's more, there's more.

So I go next door.

There's the neighbour's son, fresh out of the shower.

Dripping. 25 years old, pink, wet, topless. Well, I tell you, all of a

sudden that garden gnome had a fishing rod.

What a start to the day. I thank you.

Hannah,

what happened yesterday?

I had a headache.

Well, that is what?

The sick line is for.

You don't ask Tanya to pass on a message. You phone the sick line,

always got it. If I don't have it, Judy's got it. And we need to know

so we can get cover.

Understood?

Yep. Good. What?

This is Frederick.

He's been waiting.

He was supposed to interview him at half past.

Oh, right, right.

Ah, first customer of the day.

Morning, Melba.

The usual.

Louise, can you sort out the dame? Thank you. Come on, then.

So, Frederico.

Have you worked in the bar before?

Yeah, I did two weeks at Pinnacle. Where'd you leave?

At a factory.

Good start.

All right, let's do this on the hoof. Come behind the bar. Come on.

So, what did Pinnacle pay you?

Ten. We pay twelve, but that means you have to work for it. So, come on, show

me. Get me a WKD, a gin and tonic and vodka lime, both with ice. Except we

have any ice. Mikey, can you get the ice?

Basically, we're a speed bar. We don't do cocktails. The only thing we do is a

Blue Lagoon, but not from a shaker. We don't have time for that. Just pour it

straight into the glass. Do you know what's in a Blue Lagoon?

No. Vodka, Curacao, and lemonade.

So what do you do? Are you a student?

Yes. What are you studying?

Philosophy. Ooh, philosophy.

You know my philosophy.

I can imagine.

Fuck them all.

I was right.

Okay.

Electric shock.

Ah, see, where you get that fuse box. Told you, boss, it's happening all the

time. Ah, you're right, Freddie.

A bit numb.

OK, let's do a little test to see if you were listening.

So, tell me, Fred, in the Blue Lagoon, there is vodka, Curacao and... what?

I've got no feeling in my hand.

Have I lost you? It really shocked me.

OK. All right, do you want a little lie down in a glass of water, Freddie?

Hannah, get this boy a seat.

Go on, put your feet up, young man. You have just survived death by fridge.

Yeah, I am a bit unsteady.

V, we'll leave a word with Hannah. She's taking the piss. She can't keep missing

shit. Yeah, taking the piss. They keep missing shit. All right.

Oh, come on now, boss, not you.

Honesty, V.

Your tribe is the most beleaguered on the entire planet. And what do you do?

one thing that's guaranteed to annoy everyone. You fiddle about with your

pronouns and now everyone's pissed off with you.

My GP stopped prescribing oestrogen.

But never mind that, eh?

You're pissed off about one little word.

Yeah, I know.

OK. I'm getting old.

Hello, sick line?

Hiya.

Frederick?

You're calling in sick?

I don't feel very well.

The thick line is for employees.

Yes, but according to the Employment Law of 2024... Don't you dare. ..despite

the 26th Amendment... Fucking Labour government.

..we've got full workers' rights from day one, which starts at the point of

interview, and I was just electrocuted.

I should get compensation for that. You lot.

OK, Freddie, I think you should go home.

And consider your position.

Thank you for the interview.

I'll let you know.

Elaine.

Legacy of Keir bloody Starmer. You come to Manchester and run a bar, your

lordship.

Yeah, this is Leo, over.

Could you come up here, boss? I'll bring Zee with you. He's got a problem, over.

What have you done now?

3 a .m., we're locking up.

That's when you said goodbye, Z.

Me and Mikey head out the front.

You slip into that quarter turn where there's no camera, and that's where you

stay all night.

Oh, Z, darling.

This morning, 9 a .m., I open up, I go upstairs.

You pretend to arrive, and you shout upstairs, say hello, and I say hello.

So, yeah.

You slept in that tiny little space. I thought you were the clever one.

What happened?

I thought they were going to kill me.

This Polish lad moved in, and he was all right with it.

But then three of his mates moved in, so it was a house share with four of them

and one of me.

And we'd laugh, you know.

But then they said we were like brothers.

Oh, they knew.

And then it gets worse.

They get drunk, start banging on my door every night.

I'm going to fuck you, little boy.

Jesus.

Faith led my car.

He said, I am going to fuck you until you're dead.

From that moment on, they just want to kill me.

He said they were going to cut my throat.

Can't you go to the police? Yeah.

That'll really help.

He can stay with Asher.

He's got a room. He can stay there. I'll have a word.

All my stuff's in that house.

Then let's go get it.

Okay, everybody.

That'll be it.

They'll be asleep.

They'll be getting it for three till four.

Just keep quiet.

All right, let's go.

It's not a room.

It's a box.

They all live like this. Again, this is what we did to them.

Hi.

Good afternoon, my friend. We're not causing any trouble here. Just helping

a colleague.

If you check, we'll be gone.

You know, I've always wanted to visit Poland.

Where would you recommend?

Wrocław!

Come on, quick. I go.

Quick, come on.

Who are you in my house?

Who the fuck are you, grandad?

You try it.

You fucking try it.

You mutter.

Ah, the ladyboy.

Gonna fuck you with that big, thick ladyboy. I'm telling you.

I can't stop all of you.

Or you, by attack.

I can get you, you little twat, and they can kill me and rip my head off my

body. But before I die, I will batter your tiny little skull into pieces, you

fucking prick.

Why did he run?

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Have you got a gun? I'm likely to kill 22 types of

blood in my own back garden.

What the hell, Judy?

You can't just stop.

I know what I'm doing.

I'm cool with a bodyguard to the shot of Iran.

Judy! Drive the car!

Well, I'll give it to you then.

You said you had a spare key. You might as well give it to me, might you?

Well,

I'm not going to lock myself out again, Clive, for whatever you do.

OK.

There you go.

What's your alarm code?

Yeah, OK.

1502. 1502.

On my coat.

What a day I've had.

Thanks very much for this morning.

Very kind of you.

So do I get a key for yours?

You wish.

I'm gonna swap shift with Donna and go upstairs.

Is that okay?

Okay, sure. Anything wrong?

The boy over there. Don't look.

Polo shirt. I teach him.

He's a genius.

Looked straight through me.

Think you've gay?

No chance. Came down to impress the girls. But if he recognises me, I'm in

trouble. Not just at school.

Never mind that I'm his teacher.

He knows where I live.

On you go.

See you later, boss.

OK.

I'm off.

Nightnet says that gang of gypsies has moved to Dean's Gate instead.

I think we're going to be safe. So I will love you and leave you, my

Same. Bye.

Oh.

Happy birthday, Melba.

I'm getting sick of it.

the other day, because you've got to look after your eyes, haven't you? He

Miss Dixie, you've got to stop wanking.

I said, why will I go blind?

He said, no, you're upsetting everybody in the waiting room.

Oh, you've been a lovely audience, you really have.

But before you go, did you see in the news this week that poor old lady in

Levensham found dead in a flat. No one's to care for her.

I mean, what a world we live in, eh, girls? So just be kind, darling.

Be kind.

Oh, for fuck's sake. OK, no. You've got something to say, darling? Don't pretend

to care, you fucking Tory.

I've seen you up in Ale Barn.

You haven't just got two cars, you've got two fucking garages. Oh, a tiny bit

jealousy. She's greener than wicked, that one. Your husband has money... No,

has money in care homes that stand women up in the bath... and hose them down

with cold water.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Melba.

Melba.

Mediocre.

She's not bitter at all, is she? Oh, sure.

I mean, I'm not saying she's old and past it, but she were young when Moses

a lad. That's not even the right fucking joke.

She was old when Moses was a lad, not young. Well, get out. She was old.

just a bag in basement, back late.

Do you even know what drag is?

This lips. Take these fucking eyelashes.

It's a protest.

Go on. No, it's a scream.

Let's get you up. It's a punch in the face. Shut up. Hide it, darling.

It's not Margaret fucking Thatcher. Get out, you skanky bitch. You're bad.

That's where I met Harry.

On that corner right there. In 1992.

I'd only been in Manchester just over a year.

I never met him. I don't suppose you would have, cos he finished with me in

1994. And then he phones me up one month later, one month to the day,

and says, um, I'm positive, get yourself tested.

Remember those calls.

Ah. And then I tested positive.

I thought I was dying. Well, in 1994, I was dying.

So I phoned him back.

Answer the phone.

Put him back again. Put him back again.

He never picked up.

Ever.

Then he moved away and back to London, gone.

Six years later, I find out he's dead. Someone just mentions it in passing.

Cunt! Now, we're not meant to blame.

No, he was a cunt.

You should have looked this way, darling.

I loved you since the day I first saw you. My daft little Scottish lad with

like a fox.

I live in hope.

Don't melt, love.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

I do, though.

Do you ever think it's coming back?

All that shit from the 90s.

We were the spies, but you read the stuff online now, it sounds just the

Do I think it's coming back?

Yeah. It's back, you fucking idiot.

Right now, it's here.

It's a storm, it's a tide, it's a great big tsunami, and we're in the middle of

it right now. Do I think it's coming back?

You know, if you'd asked me in 1996, what do you think 2026 will be like, I'd

have said glory days.

We'll have equality, we'll have love and kisses, we'll be holding hands,

skipping down the streets.

But they tricked us, didn't they?

They're just waiting.

Oh, they let us all come out.

So now we're standing in the open, ready for them to shoot us down. You think

that? Really?

Look at me, I'm as out and as proud as anything, but the past couple of years,

I'm a lot more careful.

You just started a great big round.

On Canal Street.

Home turf, but out there.

I used to walk into a room and just go, ta -da!

Now I tiptoe.

Just in case.

You know the awful thing?

Now, I don't have to care as much. Not anymore.

Because I've done my bit.

I have fought the good fight very many times. Thank you very much.

HIV, Section 28, the Bolton 7. Oh, bless them. And the little leather slings.

I have marched.

Now it's someone else's turn. One of those bright young things, they can man

barricades, or woman the barricades, or them the barricades.

I mean, I'll be 60 next year. In a couple of years I can

retire and remember the golden days.

You're kidding yourself, yeah.

If there's a war, you're on the front line, my darling.

You have trans bar stuff. That's the battleground. I love my dog. And as a

result, look at TripAdvisor for your place. There they are.

Regular as the morning shit.

Post after post calling you a pedo and a groomer because they say you pay

chemically castrated children to work for you. No, that's women.

Women who are furious and with good reason. But no, don't start me. And men.

Grown men typing away with a big fist. Yeah, but it's just that, typing. The

President of America has given these men permission to attack us.

Leo, you're queer in 2026. You're a political act.

Give it a little swing back.

We do this. We go through history. We swing one way, we swing the other.

Conservatives and Labour, Republicans and Democrats.

Give it time, though.

Look at that.

Is that what history teaches you?

Yeah, it does.

I think history is merciless.

And it only goes one way, onwards.

It marches on and on and on.

And what if this never swings back? What if Trump just keeps on winning forever

and ever? How far will it go?

How much will they hate us? Because they hate us, Leo. They really hate us.

And you know what?

I think they've always hated us. Only now they don't have to pretend anymore.

No.

History tells us one thing.

That blood and fire and retribution always happen.

And right now, it's coming for us.

Clive, you are inside my house.

You gave me the keys, didn't you? I thought I'd fix it up for you. You know,

that key safe thing.

If you put this on the wall outside, you won't get locked out again.

They give these to the elderly and disabled.

They love them. I'm thrilled to be in the same category, but Clive, I don't

think you should just walk into my house. I think you should knock or ring

bell.

OK.

Where do you want this?

I was thinking, er... Barrier.

I don't know, is that good?

Yeah, it should be, yeah.

Yeah, I'll get on with it.

Do you ever wear any clothes?

Yeah, I should.

Yeah, go on, piss off.

I don't need your help.

You leave the hard work to me, eh?

Fucking house.

Right, it's done.

Yeah, yeah, let me show you.

So the key's in there, right? You put in 1502, open it up.

There's your key.

You put it back in.

Close it, bother your uncle.

And that won't attract burglars because they know there's a key there. They

can't force it open. Does that become a problem? I'll take it down if you want.

No.

It's up now.

I'll get out of your way.

It was 17 .99, all right, but I got you another key. That was a fiver.

So it's 22 .99, and I'm not charging you for labour, all right?

Cash okay?

If I've got it.

You're not working today?

Oh, yeah, no, I am.

Saturday's the busiest night, working till 4am. You can call that work, eh?

Dishing out drinks all day.

Do you know how many people I employ?

45.

Fuck. I do.

It's a bar.

So? You do not employ 45.

There's 15 girls just rotating at the door, then there's managers, bar staff,

security, cleaners. How many are you?

It's just me. Oh, well, nice life.

And you didn't have to increase national insurance for 45 people.

No, but I have to cope with maritime law. What's that?

Ah, you see, you don't know everything.

Under maritime law, you can sail into this country from Romania without any

qualifications and you can take my job from under my nose. Because you can work

as an electrician with no credentials.

How is that maritime law?

Because we're an island.

I did think, um...

If you don't mind, I was going to say, do you need any work doing?

You know, in the bar, because I'm a bit short of hours and not a good guy. And

those boys, they cost a fortune, and he's always nagging at me, so I'll do a

good price. No, we're fine, sorry.

No, we'll figure it out. No, I'm really sorry. It's fine.

It's fine. Just you're here if anything.

How's Curtis?

Oh, I don't know.

Ask him.

Fine. How long's he been gone?

Two years.

Really? Has he run off with a woman?

Began a relationship with someone else, yeah.

That must have been a blow to your manhood.

Well, at times, I can get a blow to my manhood any time of my life. There you

go. You see, you had to make it dirty, didn't you? Every time. It's always sex

with you lot. I found it revolting, you know, this time of day. Oh, right. So

that's us, is it? That's the gays?

We're all sex.

You had a man running out of your house with my children sitting next door.

Okay, so I sleep around.

I'm the one who sleeps around.

In this room, the person who sleeps around is me.

What do you get now? What do you think?

What do you mean?

Nothing, never mind.

25 quid. Thanks.

Was it a real woman?

What? For Curtis, cos these days it might not be.

You know what he said, if he's gay, he'd run off with a man who calls himself a

woman or a woman who used to be a man, cos it's all he, she, they and them now,

isn't it? So we can't tell.

Well, you know who started all that, don't you? Huh? You.

What? I did that?

Yeah, you.

All of you, all this bastard pronoun.

It was always you lot.

From the moment we are born, in the schoolyard, it's always you staring at

saying, what are you then, a boy or a girl? You a boy or a girl? What are you,

boy or a girl?

Six years old, you're not playing football.

It's like, what are you, some sort of girl?

All our lives, what are you, what are you, what are you? And then guess what?

say, okay, fine, you win, you're right, we'll do what you want. If we are so

confusing, then I'll become a she, she can be a he, and if that doesn't work, I

can become a them. What do you think? Happy now? Well, guess what? No.

It's all, how dare you change? How dare you be different? How dare you not know?

We did exactly what you wanted, and you still don't fucking like it.

And I will have my change, please. I give you 25 quid. No, 22 .99. That's two

pounds and one penny you owe me, please. Clive, thank you.

No, I don't get it. Yeah, you do that.

Two pounds, one penny.

Look, all right, I do... Oh, no, no, no, it's all my fault.

Aren't we?

Yeah, never a good fool.

Have a nice day.

I do need a spot of work.

There's some dodgy wiring at the bar, so, yeah, thank you.

I'd be very grateful. Yeah, well, no mates, right?

Well, we're not mates.

All right, we'll drop us a text and we'll sort it. You know, I mean, if I've

time, like... OK.

Thank you.

I've always fancied you, sir.

Lamb unzipped his dirty, sweaty trousers.

Eat this, River.

And River nuzzled deep.

It gets madder and madder, that family next door.

George! Get out!

You kept secrets. If you're hiding things from me now, you won't tell her

time. The night's a night. Damn, it's all going to get rammed.

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Out, out, out.

You can look down on women.

Fuck off. Great five.

Couple of less.

I still love you.

I think you lot are so full of all your freedom.

You don't know when to stop.

Sit at home with a bad dad in your clogged little leather.

So what do you get?

Terrifying.

It feels like it creeps through the walls.