All language subtitles for Misbehaving Leslie bovee

Come on, let's play.

All right, all right.

I'm playing.

God damn it. Mind your tongue.

I'll bet two souls.

Two souls, huh?

How many cards?

One. I'll take two.

By the way, how's your flying lessons
coming along? Not so good. I'm still

grounded. Luck be a lady tonight.

You're going to take a dump or get off
the can. Make a bet.

Five souls.

You're five and raise your five. I'll
call.

Read them and weep, dipshit. Full house.

Not so fast, my friend. I've got you by
the tail this time.

Four aces. That'll be 13 souls.

You've got... You goddamn holy son of a
bitch. You have all the goddamn luck,

Charlie. That's Charles.

You goddamn holy son of a bitch. You
have all the goddamn luck, Charles.

Oh, come on, Lou.

You mustn't take the game so seriously.

What's a few souls between friends?

The trouble with you is you're too
greedy.

You think you always have to win.

Greedy?

You'd be too if you were in my position.

I mean, look at the conditions I have to
work under. Long hours, low wages, no

rec room, no air conditioning.

Look at you, all fat and sassy.

Champagne, fine cigars, colored TV,
private beach, and a nifty deli.

That's what heaven's all about.

Where'd I go wrong, Charlie?

Charles. Charles!

Will you wait a minute?

That'll be perfectly frank.

Besides your garbage mouth, the whole
secret is love.

Love, you gonna start that crap again?
Yes, I am.

Love is the key.

Oh, shit.

You follow the path of greed, not love.
That's why you're a loser.

Oh, shit. You trying to tell me all
those rich bastards got away with the

love?

You're not that stupid.

I'll bet you that if people had a choice
of marrying for love or money, they'd

choose money.

You're on.

You're on. What do you mean? Just what I
said. You're on. I'll take your little

bet. I'll bet you 500 sold love over
greed.

Make it 1 ,000. Okay.

Now, our only problem is...

Who do we get to settle the bet?

Yeah, who?

May I suggest Pat Boone? Nah, Mr. Goody
Two -Shoes. Richard Nixon.

That's a giveaway.

Mr. Goodbar? No, thanks, dieting. John
Travolta? Can't dance. That's a matter

opinion. Adolf Hitler.

You've got him already.

I do? Oh, yeah, that's right. Rodney
Dangerfield. No respect. Don Rickles.

insulting. How about Anita Bryant?

Next.

Sammy Davis Jr.

Boring.

Hey, I got it, I got it.

How about Rita?

Rita Hayworth? No, Rita Lawrence.

She's hot shit.

I don't know. She's been married so many
times, she's got rice scars.

I know, I know, but she is up for
another husband.

That's true, and she could swing either
way.

Yeah, that's what makes the odds so
even.

Well?

Okay, Rita it is.

See you around.

goes down, you go down, she goes down,

wearing a frown, and Mr. X

locks her down, wearing a frown,

locks her down.

As I said, Esther, if you're going to
get raped, you might as well get fucked.

Have you ever been here before?

Oh, I spent a month here one weekend.

I loved going.

D .F. or F .F.? Huh?

Dinner first or fuck first?

Would you love me if I were poor?

Of course I'd love you.

I'd miss you, but I'd love you.

My dear, watching you eat is like
watching a sink back up.

Look, Mommy.

There's Flory.

How subtle.

Another black man.

You're all brown.

I'll never go out with him again,
Maggie. After we threw, he wanted to

Linda Lovelace and I go to the same
dentist.

And he told me I have the best bed of
teeth that he had ever come across.

Hello. You look marvelous.

Thank you. How are you?

Oh,

it looks like a great wedding. Hi, hi.
Hello, sweetheart.

How are you? Good to see you. Oh, it's
wonderful.

Hi, how are you? Hi.

There you are. Dave, how are you? I'm
sorry I'm late. But as they say, better

late than never.

Maggie, sweetheart, you look absolutely
wonderful.

She should. That facelift put her in
hock up to her ears.

Anyway, this party is for Rita. She's
celebrating her freedom.

Would you believe that this is her 13th
divorce?

Why, she goes through husbands faster
than monkeys go through bananas.

That was Flora.

She's on some kind of new diet. I think
it's something to do with eating it raw.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Dave.

Good grief.

Slap my teeth. Where are my men?

I'm Gloria, Rita's closest friend.

And this is, um, what you saying?

Clyde, Clyde.

Oh, howdy.

Quite a proud to meet your acquaintance.

Um, listen, I picked him up hitchhiking.
What do you expect?

Anyway, brain.

Aha!

This should be interesting.

How did the, how did the babe go? How
are you?

This is Agatha and her son, Henry.

Henry is Rita's latest ex -husband.

I don't know how Rita does it, but she
manages to maintain this real friendly

relationship with all of her exes.

Beats me.

Oh, Henry, do stop gaping. You look like
a simpleton.

Sorry, Mother.

You should be.

Do you know what this pea -brained son
of mine did?

He made the most ridiculous divorce
settlement.

Imagine. giving that money -hungry
trollop $5 ,000 a week alimony. She's

money -hungry trollop. She's nice. So is
she.

Not only that, she gets the money for
life, whether she remarries or not.

Why, he practically handed that bitch
all my money on a silver platter. She's

not a bitch either, Mommy.

Besides, I still do love her. Oh, Henry,
you never did have much to eat.

In fact, the only case he ever had was
in his mouth.

Oh, I should have lost you.

Isn't this party pure trash?

Speaking of trash... Rita!

This is Rita. She's one of my oldest
friends.

Isn't she lovely?

Rita, I don't know how you managed to
keep yourself looking so young and

beautiful. Oh, I know.

I just hope I live to be as old as you
look.

Rita, this is Clyde. Clyde, Rita.

Well, howdy. I'm mighty proud to meet
your acquaintance.

Gloria tells me a lot about you.

Oh, I bet she does.

Where did you find him? He's delicious.

Now, hands off, darling. This one is all
mine.

We're going to go and circulate a
little.

Gloria, watch your drinking. I always
watch what I drink.

You know, I really do adore Gloria, but
she can be such a terror at times.

Isn't this a wonderful day for a
divorce?

Lily, I'd like to introduce you to Lily.
She's my housekeeper.

This is Lily.

Lily, won't you tell the people a little
bit about yourself?

Well, I'm five foot one.

My measurements are 32, 22, 32.

My hobbies are floors and windows.

I make a wonderful cauliflower souffle.

I love sleeping in the mead.

Also, I'm studying aerodynamics. Thank
you, Lily.

I really do wish you'd keep your kids
out of the food.

Marika, my love, my dolce, mi amor, mi
sweet.

I implore you to marry me. If you don't,
I am afraid I will kill myself.

Don't mind him, he's staffed.

Carlos, now we've been through this
before. Number one, I don't love you.

two, you have no money. And number
three, if you don't go back to work,

have no job. Capisce?

Si, capisco, Rita. Adesso ritorno a
lavorare, but you will be starved.

Oh, I wonder where Gloria is. Oh, no,
excuse me, won't you?

Where are we going?

You'll find out.

This is an emergency.

Lovely party, isn't it?

Okay, babe.

Slam in.

But I ain't dirty.

I don't need no shower.

We'll soon fix that.

Oh, shit.

Did you happen to bring a drink with
you?

Damn drink.

Well,

it's not beef either.

But what the hell?

You may continue You

know

that in Great Britain cunnilingus is
called English muffin

Oh, Mommy, stop carrying on. Carrying
on?

You haven't seen the beginning of it
yet. You numbskull.

Do you realize that in four years we
will have paid her one million dollars?

I'm not about to take it lightly.

Something must be done.

And what are you going to do? What am I
going to do?

Doo -doo.

I am going to save the family fortune.

That's what I'm going to do.

I'll take care of that fortune -hunting
hussy.

Hold on tight, Tiger.

Gloria's going to take a dive.

A periscope.

Some periscope.

So, she doesn't want to marry me.

I'll make Miss Rita sorry she refused my
love.

I can see it all now.

My grave site.

The pouring rain.

Rita welling with the grief.

It's all so tragic.

And then suddenly she throws herself
onto my coffin.

And as she is pounding on it with her
fist, she is swelling with the grief.

Forgive me, Carlos.

Forgive me, Carlos.

Forgive me, Carlos.

Gracias.

Ah, what a plan.

Amen.

Joy, Jude.

Ride me, Daddy.

Oh, yeah, Mom.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

my

God.

Ladies and gentlemen, before your very
eyes, what is first and only time?

Carlos, the human story.

Now, excuse me, does anyone have a
match?

Oh, Carlos, who am I?

Good morning.

I see you're an early bird, too.

I like to get up early to start
exercising.

I must keep fit. You never know when I'm
going to need my body.

Oh, I know what you must be thinking.

My ex -husband's a novel.

But you know, it really isn't my fault
that my marriages fell apart.

I cried very hard. I truly did.

But they were all such beasts, animals.

Oh, they put me through such hell.

I was... forced into my divorces.

And I only accepted payment for putting
up with the horrors of my marriage.

And I may be lonely now, but I'm rich.

Good morning, ma 'am. Oh, good morning,
Lily. Good morning.

I'd like breakfast out on the terrace
this morning.

I'd like you to make sure that everybody
is up.

And I'll be back in about an hour. Yes,
ma 'am. Well, I'll have to try.

And I'm off to work.

Hi. Where's Frank? Oh, hi.

He took his wife to the doctor's. I'm
filling in for him. I hope you don't

No, I don't mind.

I don't mind at all.

A little unfamiliar sex never hurt
anybody.

You're pretty well developed there. You
work out?

Oh, I do about 50 push -ups a day.

Really? I wish you'd do a few on me.

Well, thanks, doll. See you later, huh?

My darling Rita.

I love you madly.

I cannot live without you.

Now, now, now.

Dear Rita, I am mad for you.

You cause my heart so much pain that I
must put an end to it.

Now, have some.

To who? Your concerns.

I, Carlos, cannot take it no more.

Rita doesn't love me.

When I die, I put a curse on her.

Shit my leasing a bitch

Very good.

Mm -hmm.

Little Red Riding Hood rode on her
horse.

Little Red Riding Hood, Rita,

of course.

Along came Agatha, gun in hand, and shot
that little tart

right in the can.

Oh, not now. I said not now.

I thought I saw a bear.

I did see a bear.

Oh, no, Carlos. I never drank martinis
before noon.

But I will have a scotch on the rocks.
Clyde, want a drink?

Yeah, got a cold beer? No, now, that's
my kind of man. Did you ever think that

don't need him out?

Honey, what do you think I am?

Household finale?

Do you believe this?

business to attend to. Why can't we have
a few days off?

Oh, Carlos, my dear, we must start
looking for a new husband for me today.

need not look any further. Carlos is
here.

Oh, Carlos, please, we're talking
business.

Forget the business and marry me for
love.

What, and starve to death?

Si.

Any suggestions?

Well, there are quite a number of
wealthy men that I could introduce you

but I'd have to represent you.

Do you mean like an agent?

No. More like a procurer.

How much?

Let's say 10%. Expenses at the top.

Fine. My lawyer or yours? Yours. Honey,
you've got a deal. Good. When can we

start? Well, I do have someone special
in mind, and he's worth a bundle. I

send him over this afternoon.

Oh, that's perfect.

Carlos, for lunch, let's have an old
-fashioned picnic.

That concludes business. I have other
things to attend to.

Like seeing a man about a horse? Well,
toodle -oo!

Clyde, honey?

You ready for another shower?

I thought I'd see how you're doing.

Just fine, ma 'am.

It's Rita?

Oh, Rita.

So you can do 50 push -ups a day?

Yeah, that's right.

Can you also do chin -ups?

Sometimes.

How many?

Oh, I can do about 25.

Oh, I'll bet you can't.

My goodness, that's quite a workout.

Are your muscles all tense after that?

No, not really.

Oh, I'll bet they are.

I know a good cure for tense muscles.

A good massage always helps. Would you
like one?

I really have a lot of work to do.

Oh, come on. That can wait.

Come on. Lean over here.

The muscles really are tense.

They really are.

How's that feel? Better?

Nice ass.

You just relax yourself for a second,
huh?

Let me do your front.

Relax, I don't bite.

Oh God, I don't believe this is really
happening.

Now it's my turn.

Huh?

No, baby.

Worthington family heritage goes back
all the way to the Mayflower. We still

maintain our puritanical standards.

Oh, of course.

Would you care for some wine?

so much of Stanley, one of my former
husbands.

He was just like you.

Gentle and kind and wealthy.

It's just too bad that it all had to
come to an end.

Oh, I truly loved him.

Even though it was things that forced me
into the divorce courts.

Oh, it was gentle.

Well, Stanley, what did Brian see?

Divorce. Divorce.

I can see you were truly in love with
him.

Yes. But don't let it get you down. Why,
you have your whole future

to worry about.

Do you like my potato salad? No. I made
it myself.

No.

Oh,

is he at it again?

Lily, dear, would you please go take
care of him?

Yes, ma 'am.

Never, never, never, never, never,
never, never.

My, what a delicate stomach.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Rita.

Can you hang on a second?

Clyde, you don't mind if I talk while
you eat?

Hi, babes. How's it going?

It just didn't go too well. I'm afraid
it must have been his ulcers. They must

have been acting up.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, honey.

But don't fret.

I have someone else in mind to line you
up with.

Be at the Ritz at 8 o 'clock tonight,
and I'll put the dinner reservations in

your name, and you can meet him there.

Are you sure he'll be there?

I assure you that he will come.

Bye.

Miss Lauren, do you mind if I call you
Rita?

Oh, Mr.

Cornwall, we hardly know each other.
Perhaps a little later this evening.

Oh, I can't wait.

Thank you. Oh, and may we please have
some water? Oh, yes, ma 'am. Thank you.

Oh, isn't this just simply divine?

Tastes like the same old crap to me.

Oh, of course, that's what I meant.

Divine crap.

Miss Lawrence, why don't we skip out of
here and fool around a little bit, huh?

Mr. Cornwall, what kind of a woman do
you think I am?

I'm a woman of position.

I hope it's a missionary position.

Miss Lawrence, forgive me.

I got carried away.

Oh, that's fine.

That's funny, though. That's just what
Otto said to me before our divorce.

Divorce? Oh, yes. I didn't want to, but
I had no alternative.

Then you're not a virgin, huh? Oh, it
was just heartbreaking the way our

marriage fell apart.

Otto.

That's my son.

Have you made your decision yet?

All right. All right, I'll give you the
divorce.

And the second?

Anything.

sounds like a real trick.

What you need is a lot of lovin'. Oh,
yes.

I do.

I do. I didn't mean marriage.

I'm going to wash that bitch right out
of my hair. I'm going to wash that bitch

right out of my hair. I'm going to wash
that bitch right out of my hair and sing

her on her way.

And as dreams, sweet tea.

Are we boring?

I wouldn't recommend the spaghetti here.

Excuse me, Mr. Cornwall. I must go
powder my nose.

We only have a few minutes now.

Everybody out. Now.

All right.

We only have five minutes.

Then we're never going to see each other
again.

I don't want you ever to take your eyes
off mine.

Right now I want you to reach around the
back of your dress.

Slowly, very slowly.

It's fine.

It's fine.

I want you to slowly start to lower that
dress.

Lower it further.

Oh, that's nice.

All right, stop.

You're right.

to pull that dress down slowly.

Slowly.

Tease me.

Show me.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's beautiful.

All right.

All right. Now stop.

Over here.

Ah.

That's right. Go down. Easy.

Slow and easy.

Oh yeah. That's right.

Oh yeah. That's just fine.

Really fine.

Ah.

Take it. You can take it.

You can take it all.

Easy.

Easy Batman.

to keep you waiting. It was a long time.

And

he

stiffed me, too.

Oh, Mr.

Cornwall, this dinner was just a slice
of heaven.

I wish there was a way I could thank
you. Let me count the ways.

Listen, I really must go now. When will
I see you again?

Only in the morning.

Boy, the martinis they make here are
really killer.

Well, what do you think?

My sentiments exactly.

Almost. Pretty good.

Hey. All right.

Listen, you think Mr. Cornwall's going
to pop the question, huh? Oh, yes, I'm

quite sure he will.

I do have a lot of experience.

Tell me, darling.

But if he does, what will your answer
be?

Well, that all depends. When do I see
the statistics on him?

Tomorrow, first thing. But I'll tell
you, honey, so far everything is coming

All green.

How wonderful. I can just hear those
wedding bells now.

That's funny.

I can't hear a thing.

What a ding -a -ling.

But darling, I have a brilliant idea.

Since your days of freedom are numbered,
why don't we go out and celebrate?

Oh, that is a good idea. And what did
you have in mind?

Oh, a little smoke, a little coke, and
maybe a few... Oh.

It's so bad.

What the

hell are they? The feet are killing me.

Wasn't a pun, but kink of the devil.

Oh, yeah.

I hope you left your innovation down
home because we are going to have a

Check it out.

All this stuff going on around here.

There's no love here.

Why don't you admit it and give in and
admit defeat?

Now, Lou, don't jump the gun. I have a
feeling something's going to happen

tonight that just might turn the tide.

What do you mean?

Hey, Trick, how'd you do?

There you are. Where have you been,
babe?

Oh, I'm not sure.

What's on?

Smoked too much weed?

Wanted to get some of this. This will,
like, clear your head right off.

Oh, good morning.

Whatever's good about it.

Now, yesterday was a good day.

I had no problems.

You're telling me.

You know, I met a man last night.

Anyways, I think I did.

You did?

And he was so beautiful.

I really think I could fall in love with
him. Yeah. No, you can't. It's boring.

Give it a chance. It might be fun. The
problem is, I don't know who he is,

to find him, or what his name is. Well,
that settles that.

There's got to be a way. There's got to
be a way. Is that a girl?

I know. I'll hire a detective.

Don't forget about Mr. Cromwell.

Damn, what am I going to do about Mr.
Cornwall? Tell him to go to hell.

Hey, thanks for the recommendation.

Don't mention it.

Mr. Cornwall is here.

Oh, tell him to go to hell.

I forgot I told him I was going to spend
the day with him.

Lily, dear, tell him I'll be right down.

Should we tag along?

No way.

Well, I guess it's time to face the
music.

Oh, I'm so excited, too, but don't come
yet.

I ain't ready.

Yeah, Gloria?

It just came through the computer.

Guess how much that old lecherous fart
is worth.

I give up. How much?

8 .2 million.

Oh, whoopee.

What's wrong?

You don't sound too enthusiastic.

You're not thinking of turning him down,
are you?

Oh, don't worry.

I'm not going to turn him down. It's
just...

It's just what?

It's just that I didn't expect so much.

Oh, neither did I.

But isn't it just wonderful?

I've got to go now, honey.

I'll see you later.

Okay, Clyde, honey.

Delivered on home.

I'm in money.

We're in money.

Oh, my God. Him.

I never thought I'd meet you again.

Neither did I.

What are you doing here in the country?

I just moved in down the road.

And you?

Same here.

I mean, I've always been here.

I'm Steve.

I'm Rita.

Lawrence.

Well, now that we've met again, what
shall we do about it?

What did you have in mind?

Well, first of all, I hope you don't
have any plans for the rest of the day.

Because you're spending it with me.

And afterward?

Well, let's just wing it.

Well,

this is getting ridiculous.

Because I have a dynamite idea that's
going to bless your brains.

Clever, huh?

Get away from me, you little twipper.
I'll shove it up your tail.

Watch what happens when the lovebirds
kiss.

Gee, this is the most wonderful day I've
ever had.

Well, if I have my way, it won't be the
last.

Come on and kiss the hussy.

Yeah.

It really must be love.

This is not funny.

Serve champagne before dinner and wine
with dinner. Make sure that the

is properly chilled, and please let the
wine breathe before you serve it. Lily,

where are the flowers?

I'll get them, ma 'am.

Carlos, music, and please turn down the
lights.

Lily,

Steve is just going to love this.

His first name is Steve?

Oh, Mr. Cornwall is the tonight man.

Oh, no, Lily. Mr. Cornwall is coming on
Friday.

Oh, but today is Friday.

Oh, fuck.

Quick, sit up under the table and Mr.
Cornwall and I will dine in the den.

But what about Mrs. Speed?

We'll dine here.

I'll get the door. You two set
everything else up. Oh, darn, I wonder

first. Quick bet? No.

Clyde, what are you doing there? Oh,
thank you. Here.

Congratulations on your engagement.

This is for your one last fling of

all night.

It should be very interesting.

No one will find us here in the guest
room.

Look, Clyde, you just make yourself a
little more comfortable, and I'll be

in a few moments.

I will.

You look so young and dashing this
evening.

I feel like shit.

Oh, Mr.

Cornwall, you really do have a way with
words. Won't you come in? Come in? When

do I get in?

Now, Mr.

Cornwall, such a special dinner,
frankly.

You're just going to love it.

Check this.

Oh, yes, of course. Here for some
popcorn.

Love some.

Come on in.

Hello. Who are you?

She's been pretty lucky.

But tonight, I'll get her.

You mean, why don't you come in?

Till then.

How are you doing, Mr. Cornwall?

Swell.

It sure is stuffy in here.

Oh, there you are.

What are you hiding under that?

Huh?

Nothing. You call that nothing?

Sorry I took so long, darling.

That's all right.

How's the meat?

The meat's dead.

Oh, Carlos, it's electric.

Thanks, I needed that.

Rita, darling, before we eat...

I'd like to ask you a very important
question. Yes, Dee.

Will you marry me?

Oh. Oh, well, I need a few moments to
think about that.

I'll be right back.

How are you doing,

Mr. Guino? Fine, just fine.

More champagne?

Fine, just fine.

Wonderful. Fine, just fine.

What thing? Just what thing?

Cloth.

Are you ready for round number two?
Round two.

I like you.

You like me?

I really want to marry you.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

I thought about it, but I need a few
more moments.

Of course, love. Thank you.

I'm going to make men.

Maybe. Shit, I'm going to be the richest
man in the whole goddamn world.

I'm having such a wonderful time.

Me too.

You said your wife would come to take
us.

You're such a flatterer.

I'd like to do more than flatter you.

Before I ask you to marry me, do you
have any aspirants?

Oh, yes, I certainly do.

I'll get some for you in the bathroom.

This should work.

This electric hair dryer.

I, Carlos, will electrocute myself in
the name of reason.

I saw the ghost, of course he calls.

Oh, Carlos, there's no ghost.

Now, let's just all go back where we
came from, okay?

Okay.

Who are you?

I'm her fiancé. Who are you?

I'm her fiancé. The hell you say.

I'm her fiancé.

What do you mean by that? Oh, it all
would have been just fine if it wasn't

the damn ghost.

Now I have to make a decision.

Well, folks, here's where we come in.

First, let's eliminate Clyde. I mean,
he's very good in the sack, but after

that, forget it. And then there's Steve,
and we have Mr.

Moneybags over there. I mean, Mr.
Cornwall. There's only one possible

Take love.

Maybe I should marry for love. No, don't
listen to that pig -headed fool. You

can always buy the kind of love you
want. You can't buy real love.

Well, love doesn't pay the electric
bill, you dumb fart. What do you call

dumb fart?

Dumb fart? Take one to no one, you sack
of shit.

I've had enough on you. You? That's it.
I've had it.

What am I going to

do?

Oh, I wonder where he is.

Rita, babe, don't be so impatient.

He'll be here any moment.

Oh, I know, I know. I just can't wait to
get started.

Oh, just think, a honeymoon around the
world.

I still think she made the big mistake.
She should have married me.

Maybe next time.

I doubt if there will be a next time.

Take good care of the house, and I'll
see you when I return.

Yes, ma 'am.

You won't see me. I'll be dead.

Oh, please.

Bye, John.

We'll miss you.

Where to?

What?

To hell and back.

Heaven can wait.