Original subtitles

OK, so we'll do it a couple times scripted, and then you guys can run through those alts

and we'll also give you a take to just kind of improvise and have fun.

OK, thank you so much.

Thanks, Charlie. Thanks, Money.

Hey.

- Do you like this plunger for tomorrow? - Oh, I think maybe a wooden handle.

- Let me see what I can do. - Thank you so much.

Christine, 1:15.

Do you want her in the ash blonde wig

or the sunset blonde?

Ash is her around-the-house wig.

Let's do sunset. - Copy you.

Thank you.

I love this jacket. I need the grip merch.

Yeah.

No running on set.

Thank you. It looks great in there.

- Slides? - Oh, thank you so much.

How's this?

Oh, my God, that was fast.

Perfect. Thank you.

Do you want to rehearse?

Let's just shoot the rehearsal.

OK.

Rosie, we're shooting rehearsal.

All right, copy that.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to day one of "Who's Making Dinner?"

Do you want to call it?

Sure, yeah.

Sound speeds.

And...

action.

♪ Lady luck, she is lovely ♪

♪ Lady luck, she is free ♪

♪ But I wish sometimes ♪

OK, here we go.

Close your eyes. Close them. - All right, all right.

All right, they're closed, they're closed, they're closed.

Straight.

You got it? - Yeah.

OK, if you don't like the placement, it can move.

All right.

And the brightness can be adjusted.

OK, OK. Just show me, show me.

Here it is.

Oh.

I know we decided to call it the Kitten Heel Club,

but this just felt more right.

We can change it, though.

No, no.

It's perfect.

You did it.

You talented bastards.

I am honored to be your employee.

Though I do need June off.

I'm going to do the Mille Miglia.

It's an amateur classic car race in Italy.

Amazing.

both: No. - No-- no?

No problem.

I'll just drive fast here.

Happy grand opening. And congrats on the new gig.

Thanks, babe.

OK, technically, right now, my title is Pit Boss,

but I'm thinking of having it officially changed to Pit Mama.

- Oh. - Right?

'Cause that just feels so much more me.

- Mm. - I get that.

I gave myself a title bump from House Manager

to Lifestyle Concierge.

- Ooh. - Deborah didn't blink an eye.

Pretty big pay bump, too.

Yeah, she took it out of my salary.

So without further ado,

please welcome the diva herself,

Deborah Vance.

That's my mom!

That's my mom.

- Whoo! - Thank you.

Thank you for being here.

First of all, I want to say

none of us would be standing here right now

if it wasn't for the genius, Marcus Vaughn.

This entire thing is his brainchild

and never would've happened without him.

And quite frankly, a lot of things in my life

would not have happened without him.

Thank you, Marcus.

That's my baby!

Uh, that's my baby.

Oh, whatever.

You know, a few months ago,

a young, international rock star,

who was obsessed with me

gave me credit for bringing residencies to Las Vegas.

He said the city needed me.

The truth is I needed Las Vegas.

I was told I was too loud.

Too tacky, too much.

But this town embraced me when no other place would.

There's nowhere else in the world

that feels quite like Las Vegas.

And for me,

there's nowhere else in the world that feels like home.

And that is why we created the Diva.

This is a place to be who you really are

without shame because this city does that better

than any other place on the planet.

So welcome to the Diva. Let's have a great night.

Hello, hello.

Now we're going to officially christen this place.

No, no. No one asked you to do that.

They don't have to. I'm the goddamn mayor.

There we go!

Oh, God dang it.

Yeah, I'm bleeding out here. Goddamn it.

I've hit an artery again.

Oh, that's too much blood.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, God.

It's pulsing and squirting.

Get away from me!

Get away from me.

Thank you, everybody.

Sucks that we don't get to go on the retreat.

I know.

But honestly, I've been before

and it's, like, not that big a thing.

You know, it's a lot of free food and fancy drinks

and sometimes, they bring in exotic dancers.

But you're allowed to go back to your room

if you don't feel comfortable.

Fuck.

Hmm. This one's for me.

Holy shit. Anthrax. Anthrax in the building.

Someone call Homeland Security.

Are you serious, guys? What is wrong with you?

Mm, yum. Pixie stick dust?

It's almost as sweet as your mom's--

Don't talk about my mom.

Oh, whoa, hey. So stressed.

You know what you need? A little R&R at the retreat.

No, Dan, it's-- Jimmy can't come.

The retreat's no little bitches allowed.

Oh, I'm sorry, Jimmy.

Don't worry about it

because I am very happy not to go.

I can finally enjoy a sandwich and put it in the fridge

without someone texting me a picture my sandwich

with their balls on it.

So fuck off.

Just fuck off.

Ooh, Carbone! Martini lunch.

So excited.

Well, you can order whatever you like.

OK, Dover sole it is.

OK, so I have amazing news. I heard from the network.

They have, like, no notes on the pilot.

They loved it. - Fantastic.

Except they-- they do want the women to smile more,

but we can do that.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

So when did they decide on a pickup?

Uh, they have, like three months.

Oh, great.

'Cause I want us to take that trip to Europe

sooner rather than later.

Um--

I mean, if you want to have any authority as a boss,

you have to have eaten real bread.

Perfect. I'm wide open.

You OK?

Mm-hmm, yeah.

There is something I want to talk to you about.

OK.

The mass that I had removed,

uh, it looks like they didn't get it all.

And unfortunately, it's spread.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I probably shouldn't have

doubled up all those years on the

Deborah Vance progesterone drink packets.

That Tahitian grapefruit flavor was divine.

OK, so what's the treatment plan?

Well, they want to start treatment immediately.

OK, great. Well, I'll call Ronnie.

Let's head over there right now.

I'm not hungry anymore anyway, so forget lunch.

You're not gonna like this next part.

Um, didn't love the last part.

Honey, I'm not doing chemo.

I'm not putting myself through that.

I get that, but don't-- don't worry, you know?

Uh, you won't be alone.

I'll go with you to the appointments

and I'll help you with medicine.

You know, I'll-- I'll do whatever you need.

I'm not putting you through that.

OK, so what are you saying?

You know I like to do things on my own terms.

OK.

I've done it all.

I just did the best show of my life.

I broke a record.

That's why you had to do it that weekend.

Yes.

It's not gonna get any better than this.

I want to go out on top.

OK, so, well, yeah, it's a high for your career,

but--

Look, if anyone can beat anything, it's you, OK?

And you said it yourself.

You're gonna live till you're 109.

I'm not.

And I want to call my own light.

At the end of the trip,

I plan on taking the train from Paris to Zurich.

There's a place there called Dignitas.

Is that one of those assisted suicide places?

Oh, not one of. It's the best one.

But yes.

Listen, Deborah, um...

I'm sure this is really, really, overwhelming.

And I'm so sorry that you're going through this,

but I think you're not thinking straight, OK?

This is crazy.

Actually, it's not.

Comedians have a long, rich history

of taking our own lives.

That's-- your whole thing is beating the odds.

This is so not you.

It is.

And I want you to come with me.

We'll have a fabulous vacation first.

Then you can go shopping.

You can use my suitcase on the way home.

- Stop. That's not funny. - Oh, you--

you joke about killing yourself all the time.

I'm kidding.

Oh, suddenly, you're sensitive about it?

You can walk the walk, but you can't

swallow the pills? - Jesus Christ.

You can tie the noose, but not kick the chair?

- Stop. - Sorry.

But I do want you to come with me.

Will you?

No.

No, I'm not gonna be a part of this.

And you're not doing this.

Ava. Ava, lower your voice.

Oh, my God.

You brought me here

so that I wouldn't scream at you, didn't you?

You know, I knew something was up when

you said you wanted to go on vacation,

but I didn't realize this was a fucking suicide mission.

No. I'm not going.

Ava.

- No. - Ava--

No.

She won't even consider treatment.

OK? She's being insane. I can't get through to her.

I-I-I want power of attorney, OK?

Is that what Britney's dad had? I-is that what it's called?

- Uh, I don't know, but-- - No, no, no.

There's something wrong with her brain.

I-I need a tranq gun.

I need to shoot her in the neck with a tranq gun

and get her into chemo before she wakes up.

Jimmy, how you can facilitate?

OK, just take a breath.

Listen, this is awful.

But it's Deborah.

You're not gonna change her mind.

And you're not gonna shoot her in the neck with a tranq gun.

OK, well, can you talk to her, please?

I already have.

What do you mean, you have?

I talked to her and I tried to,

but I couldn't convince her.

This is what she wants to do.

It sucks, but I think we have to respect it.

I can't believe you knew. Why didn't you tell me?

She asked me to get her affairs in order, so I did.

And she asked you to go with her.

So I think if you can, you should.

And try and make it a good trip.

A good trip?

How could a suicide-themed vacation be good?

She's gonna die.

We're all gonna die.

The whole point is to try and enjoy the time

we have together.

She's not dead yet and neither are you.

What if-- what if I just chloroform her on the plane

and re-route it to Johns Hopkins?

She basically did the same thing to me in Singapore,

so there's a precedent.

Look--

Ava, it's-- it's her body, her choice.

How dare you turn that around on me!

I'm sorry.

But I think if you go, at least she won't be facing this alone.

I--

I don't think I can.

Yeah.

I-I understand that too.

I have to go.

Hello?

Anybody here?

Ah.

Oh.

- What's up? - Hey.

We need to talk.

All passengers for flight 2217 to Paris,

please report to the gate.

Ms. Vance, we're ready to board.

Thank you.

I'll come to Europe.

But please don't kill yourself.

I'm gonna kill myself.

OK, I'll still come.

Should I give you two a second?

No, we're ready.

But you have to do hard drugs with me.

Probably molly.

OK, sweetie.

We can do an eight-ball if--

if that'll make you feel better.

- Excusez-moi. - Bonjour.

Um, where are the rental car desks?

- Straight down on your left. - Ah.

We're renting a car in Paris?

Oh, someone's become a snob.

Yes, we're renting a car in Paris.

Someone needs to learn how to drive a stick.

No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

Deb-- Deborah, I-- no.

No, you're doing great.

OK, OK! Depress! Depress!

Why are you trying to teach me French

when you're trying to teach me a car?

What?

Why did you bring me to the biggest roundabout

in the city, Deborah?

It's not funny!

Just keep turning.

You wanna kill yourself. I wanna live!

Help! Help! Help!

Exit here.

Why am I in the rough draft of a car?

I told you.

God. OK, you're right.

I never have had real bread until now.

You're welcome.

That is so crazy. I literally--

Don't talk with food in your mouth.

Sorry.

This one's for your face. The other box is for your neck.

Different cream for face and neck?

What are you gonna do without me?

OK, and this third thing, you're gonna have to squeeze that into a toothpaste tube

before you get on the plane, 'cause it's illegal in the States.

Ah, Vincent.

"Starry, Starry Night."

Van Gogh is toxic.

Cutting your ear off and sending it to someone

is so anti-consent, I cannot even imagine it.

It's like, she said no.

She said no. You're sending ear?

He was not well.

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Can we please go on that, please?

It's my dying wish.

You're dying and it's my wish. - Oh, my God.

Come on!

Whoo! - Ah!

Whoo!

Oh, I'm awake. Sorry.

Anyway, yeah.

♪ I am in the club, oh ♪

♪ I'm in the club till the sun come up ♪

What we're doing here is considered work?

Yeah.

Fantastic.

Michael, we need to talk to you.

Man, I'm about to

deliver the keynote address to the entire company.

What? - We know you've been

selling the voice and likeness of deceased clients

to AI companies without the family's consent

and keeping the money.

- Me? - Yeah.

I ran into Gene Altman's widow at the pickleball club

and it tipped me off and I started digging.

Jimmy tracked down over $10 million

that you billed and kept for yourself.

Not only were you stealing from the clients' families,

you were stealing from Latitude!

Clerical error.

Oh, OK.

Well, I'll just call the board. I'm sure they'll understand.

Put it on speaker, Jimmy. I want to hear 'em.

All right, stop.

Don't touch his phone. It's new.

How much do you want?

No money.

We want the one thing that means something...

the Schaefer name.

Remember? You said that the other day.

We want Latitude.

Step down and hand over the reins

to the children of the founders.

You're fired.

You see, now you are a disgruntled former employee

with a chip on his shoulder and no proof.

Who you probably shouldn't have put in the mail room

because it gave me a lot of access to invoices

and way too much access

to the entire billing department, really.

What do you want your legacy to be,

a disgraced manager who can't even show his face in Mr. Chow

for fear of seeing an angry widow,

or an all-time great who retired when his career peaked?

So you can either accept our terms

or we will be going public with your stinky behavior.

You want the company?

Yeah.

Well, fuck it. It's yours.

Take it.

Yeah, I mean, the whole industry's

going in the shitter anyway.

I mean, that's why I had to do all of this.

- You have three homes. - Yeah.

And you know what the monthly carry is on all that shit?

Then unload one, you greedy fucker.

You know what?

I am so sick of listening to your socialist bullshit.

You're on in ten minutes, Mr. Schaefer.

Oh, great.

You think if I sign a little piece of paper

that it's suddenly gonna make you the big boss?

You think those people are gonna respect you?

Well, they don't. They never have.

They never will. Ten minutes, huh?

These two are gonna speak. - Wait.

Well, we don't need to speak, actually. We can email them.

No, no, no, no, no. No, no.

If you buy the horns, you get the bull.

Sir, I only have one other headset.

Doesn't matter.

They barely have one functioning brain

between the two of them.

Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

I might as well get right to it.

This year's keynote will be, um, a bit different.

It's going to be shocking to some of you, but

I'm stepping down.

What?

The time is right and, um,

the, uh-- the future of this company

will be in the hands of my successors.

You all know them well.

My spirited daughter, Kayla Schaefer,

and her unrelenting business partner,

Jimmy LuSaque, Jr.

So--

The fuck?

I'm sure that you will be in great hands

with these two kids at the helm

in our constricting industry.

Good luck.

Hello, Latitude. How we doing tonight?

New era loading.

Is this a fucking joke?

Seriously?

How the fuck are we gonna survive

with these two idiots in charge?

By--

By doing good work.

- Gay. - Oh, my God.

Fuck this. We're going to Mosaic.

OK.

Oh, it's stuck on my sideburn. - You know what?

Anybody else who thinks doing good work is "gay"

can just leave.

Seriously?

Jesus Christ.

OK, come on.

Well, get the fuck out of here!

Go suck my dad's dick!

We don't need employees, OK? - We-- we do, we do.

And you know what? Michael's right.

This industry is constricting, OK?

Our business is changing faster than a--

Cougar.

Sure, our-- our-- our business is changing

faster than a cougar.

And we need to change, too.

You know, we probably can't have

Sugarfish for lunch anymore.

Really?

It's just sushi. Guys--

We can have Sugarfish Fridays.

No, we can't have Sugarfish Fridays.

We could have Sugarfish Tuesdays.

It's not about the day of the week.

It's about not having Sugarfish.

It's so expensive. - We will get a

Whole Foods platter of sushi once a month.

Fine, we're gonna get a Whole Foods platter.

Once a month, guys.

And if that makes you want to leave, you can go.

But you should stay

if you want to get back to doing the thing

that got you into this business in the first place--

representing artists and helping them to do great work.

Because even in an ever-changing world,

there's one thing that won't change,

and that's people wanting great stories.

But guess what?

We get to find those storytellers and empower them.

So if that sounds good to you,

then you should stay

and be a part of the new mid-sized Latitude.

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

- OK. - Whoo!

OK.

I'm gonna crowd-surf.

No, no, no, no, no. Don't-- don't crowd-surf.

- No, don't crowd-surf. - They want me to.

This flea market is my favorite place in the world.

We'll do one big circuit and then we'll circle back around

to look at things of interest.

But just stay cool, you know?

Don't show too much enthusiasm for anything.

Not to worry. I'm not really an antiques guy.

These are not merely antiques.

These are all works of art.

I mean, every object has a story

and not even you on your most cynical,

lowest serotonin morning can resist their magic.

OK, feel like I'm about to

meet the teapot from "Beauty and the Beast."

Oh, God, these are fabulous.

Look, look. Are those not fabulous?

- That is so you. - Yeah, but--

no, but I don't have pierced ears, I can't wear this.

What do you mean you don't have pierced ears?

You know I don't have-- I have virgin earlobes.

Piercing your ears is barbaric.

Oh, that's cool.

Oh, that's beautiful.

It's a bridal box, I think. Ask how much it is.

Oh.

Ah.

1,600.

Oh, wow.

Offer half.

What? No, that's insulting.

No, it's not.

No, you've just got an opening offer.

An opening offer is never final.

This is standard. It's part of the fun.

OK, just stay calm and unemotional.

Offer him half.

And be prepared to spit.

Uh...

Oh, no, no, no.

No, no. sorry. I-- I can't do it.

No, it's-- it's too much.

We-- we can't do it.

It's too much. - Thank you so much.

Sorry, sorry.

So sorry.

Now just wait.

OK, OK, OK.

1,000.

It's a deal.

All right.

Ooh.

Meissen salt and pepper shakers.

Oh, yeah. See?

The crossed swords on the bottom,

that's their signature.

And these are probably 18th-century.

They are 400 for the pair.

Oh, that-- that's actually a very good price.

You should get them.

Not today.

Thank you. - You're welcome.

This is insane.

I cannot believe you bought out the Louvre.

Private viewing was the only option.

I'm dying soon.

And I'll tell you one thing I'm not doing,

waiting in line.

Though perhaps waiting in line

is the most human experience of all,

and that's the most important.

You know, here's some advice.

After I'm gone, stop saying stuff like that.

Will consider.

Hello, nurse.

Look at them thangs.

Honk, honk. - Oh, Jesus.

Sorry.

Fabulous.

Why'd this pop?

I'm sorry?

She's kind of mid, no?

The "Mona Lisa" is mid?

No disrespect.

I mean, it's way better than I could do.

I'm just saying I don't totally get

how she became, like, that girl.

You know?

I defy you to find anything more beguiling

anywhere else in Paris.

Lady, what beguiles me would make you sick.

Oh, I'd wear that.

Going out top right there.

Jester, me.

Oh! She has rosacea.

So does she. - Oh, please.

That's what I look like. No question about it.

Oh, my God. OK, I love this.

When two busted people are in love,

it's extra romantic 'cause you know it's real.

She loves her freaky-ass man for who he is.

This was painted by Judith Leyster.

She signed it there, JL. - Oh, yeah.

But it was attributed to Frans Hals.

But she went along with it 'cause she knew that

it would only be judged on its merit

if people thought it were painted by a man.

Hmm.

Do you ever think about how your comedy

would have been judged differently

if you weren't a woman?

Sure. Sometimes.

But I still did it, you know?

I had the career.

Even if I had to be a female comedian.

Yeah.

OK.

Should we head to the hotel for some disco naps?

Why do we need a nap?

'Cause we're going out dancing tonight, Miss Thang.

Remember? - Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, and, uh, I get to dress you.

- What? - Yeah.

- That wasn't part of the deal! - It is now.

No, no.

♪ Here we go again, my love ♪

♪ You've got so much time to spend ♪

♪ You want me to stay awhile, stay awhile ♪

♪ To be in a moment with you ♪

♪ I was just thinking about work the dancefloor ♪

♪ I was just thinking about work the dancefloor ♪

♪ Finally, my heart slipped ♪

♪ Finally, I found something new ♪

♪ What if the moment didn't stick? ♪

♪ Would I be spending all my time with you? ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ I was just thinking about work the dancefloor ♪

♪ Moments with you ♪

♪ I was just thinking about work the dancefloor ♪

♪ Moments ♪

♪ These moments with you ♪

♪ I was just thinking about work the dancefloor ♪

Now this is pretty beguiling.

Yeah.

Right there is where Marie Antoinette

got her head chopped off.

Cool.

That's gotta hurt.

Definitely.

Well, time for me to go to sleep.

Goodnight.

Hmm, you're up early.

Yeah, I didn't sleep. You know...

Kelly Ripa's day is done and yours hasn't started,

you're in trouble.

What's all that?

Oh, you know,

I didn't think a hotel this luxurious

that caters to generational wealth

would even have a business center

for the toiling proletariat,

but it's actually quite nice and the printer's fast.

Cool.

So, um, I've been doing research

and there have been a lot of advancements

in the last two years alone in treatment.

Ava, I told you, I'm not doing that.

Yeah, well, there-- there are, um,

some interesting clinical trials

on some new experimental drugs that I can--

Oh, my God, clinical trials.

So they can find more off-label benefits for men.

I don't want to be a guinea pig

where I waste away and then my doctors come to find

that the meds help 90-year-olds keep their erections.

Absolutely not.

OK, well, uh, you know, traditional treatment is--

- You know, I-- - Is--

For someone who's always saying listen to women,

you're having a hard time hearing me.

I'm not doing treatment.

That was your opening offer.

The opening offer's never final.

- Mm. - How 'bout this?

You do three rounds of treatment,

see how you feel, see how it progresses,

and then if the results aren't positive, you can stop?

No.

OK.

One round of treatment.

Just to see how you feel.

That's the thing.

I feel good right now.

I feel fine.

I-- I-- I-- I don't feel sick and I don't want to.

It's the medicine that makes you feel sick.

Well, yeah, but it's not the same for everybody.

And-- and don't-- don't knock it till you try it.

It's not some exotic food or some new sex position.

I don't want to get weak.

I-- I-- I don't want to lose my hair.

You wear a wig already.

They sell it at Halloween stores.

I don't want to waste away.

I don't want to be remembered like that.

You won't be remembered like that.

I won't remember you like that.

My--

my friend, Gino, from "Who's Making Dinner?"

He was so funny.

So full of life.

Guess what? I don't remember him like that.

I can't get the image of him being sick out of my head.

That's different.

Even with traditional intervention,

the survival rate is 40%.

You are a fighter!

If anyone can beat this, it's you!

I'm tired of fighting.

This is what I want.

Of course it is.

Everything's about you!

You know, there are a lot of people that

you should be thinking about right now besides yourself!

Ava, honey. Please don't do this.

No, you! Please!

Please. Please, don't leave me.

Pl-- please.

I'm sorry.

♪ He's uptight ♪

♪ He don't own nothing new ♪

♪ Well, he ain't cheap ♪

♪ He just can't afford to ♪

♪ But she don't mind ♪

♪ He's her everything ♪

♪ Anything for you ♪

♪ Every day, just trying to get by ♪

♪ No time to cry, no, he can't afford to ♪

♪ And she waits ♪

♪ Through everything ♪

♪ Anything for you ♪

♪ That's what you call true love ♪

♪ True love, true love, true love ♪

♪ That's what you call ♪

♪ True love, true love, true love, true love ♪

Merci.

I hate this.

But I'll support you.

Thank you.

How am I gonna do it without you?

You'll be OK. You're a big, brave girl.

Oh--

Speaking of big, uh, I have to show you something.

What?

Your hand-- your hands are bigger than mine?

- Mm-hmm. - Are you-- are you kidding me?

This entire time?

Are you kidding me?

Deborah!

I can't believe you never noticed!

What?

That's-- they're much bigger than mine.

They are much bigger.

God damn it.

I considered hand reduction surgery.

That was a good one!

I knew they were normal.

Hey, how are you?

Hi, Michelle. Hey.

Good to see you.

Good morning, Mr. LuSaque.

Uh, we turned over your office this weekend,

so let me know if there's anything else you need.

Thank you, Silas. And please call me Jimmy.

OK.

And you can call me Ms. Schaefer.

Where's my office?

Uh, you'll be taking over your dad's.

Follow me, Ms. Schaefer.

Oh, Randy, uh, this is your desk.

Fantastic.

Jimmy!

Jimmy, help!

What-- what's going on? Are you OK?

I really shouldn't be in there.

The corner office is so small. I can't even breathe.

I think there's asbestos or something in there.

I'm, like, itchy and it's really, like, claustrophobic.

It's the largest office in the building.

It's just not gonna work.

Plus, for our workflow, I need to be able to see you

and you need to be able to see me,

so I'll take my old desk.

I think you might be right.

I think you should take your old desk.

Well, where the hell am I gonna go?

You can have the corner office.

That's what I'm talking about, the corner office!

My God, I've been in this business two years.

Didn't know my ass from my elbow, and look at me now.

Corner office, baby.

I don't know what everybody complains about,

it's so hard to make it.

It's a cinch to make it in this business.

Bunch of losers.

Well, well, she's happy.

- Mm. - You're my assistant now.

Latitude, Kayla Schaefer, President speaking.

Could I, um, put you on hold?

Bob Lipka is on the phone for you.

Um, OK.

You have Jimmy.

- Hey, Jimmy. It's Bob. - Hello, Bob.

Listen, I saw your Fatty Arbuckle movie at Toronto

and I loved it.

We'd like to talk about distribution.

Uh, sure.

Yeah, I can definitely take that to the team.

Oh, and your mom was fantastic in it, by the way.

Oh, thank you. Wasn't she great?

Yeah. So I'll have my BA send something over.

OK, great. Well, I guess we'll talk soon.

- Very soon! - Kayla!

What? Still kind of mad at him.

So, um...

what are you gonna ask if you get to,

you know, meet your maker?

My plastic surgeon?

Ha. No, really.

In 1980, Burt Reynolds called me and I called him back,

but he never returned.

What was that about?

That's what you wanna know?

I pretty much have everything else figured out.

In fact, I think He or She,

or, you know, They/Them

might have some questions for me, actually.

They/them?

OK, non-binary God. Love.

Well, I meant more of an energy.

I-- I don't think there's gonna be

a gender-fluid barista waiting for me at the pearly gates.

That's too bad.

I'd love a matcha when I get there.

Hey, are you done with that?

- Yeah, yeah, go for it. - Ooh.

Wow.

That's the best part of dying

for a person with disordered eating

is having a second croissant.

Actually, the best part of dying

is not having to save receipts

because you know you will never get audited again.

Actually, I think the best part of dying

is knowing how pissed people are gonna be when they realize

how much money you left your dogs.

But the worst part of dying is that I don't get to see

how my corgis decide to spend that 550,000.

OK, I'm gonna run to the bathroom before we board.

- OK. - OK, I'll be right back.

OK.

Hey.

The line for our train's really crazy.

We gotta get going. Come on.

Excusez-moi. Excusez-moi.

Ava! Ava, wait.

Excusez-moi. I'm sorry.

Ava. Excusez-moi.

Ava, stop. Stop, stop.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

What? What?

The worst part about dying

is I can't even enjoy being bone thin.

That's the better joke!

Yeah, that is the better joke.

Shit.

- What? - God.

Deborah, we gotta go. What?

I may not have 30 years.

But I think I have another hour.

What are you saying?

God damn it.

Will you help me write it?

- ♪ Forget your troubles ♪ - Of course.

♪ Happy days ♪

♪ Come on, get happy ♪

♪ Are here again ♪

♪ We're going to chase ♪

♪ All our cares away ♪

♪ Stars above are clear ♪

♪ Shout hallelujah ♪

♪ So let's sing ♪

Yeah, so she talked to Dr. Cole

and she's gonna start treatment on the 21st.

Ugh, I'm so relieved.

I know. Me, too.

You know,

I think you saved her life once, so

makes sense you'd do it again.

Love you. Gotta go. Bye.

OK.

- You ready? - Yeah.

Or maybe it's, I was born for this.

I don't eat, I have a closet full of wigs,

and I love being waited on.

Or-- or, I don't eat, I have a closet full of wigs,

and I love experimenting with injectables.

Good.

Or, or, or, or, I don't eat,

I have a closet full of wigs, and I love attention.

Oh, better, better, better.

♪ Soon your cares will all be gone ♪

♪ There'll be no more ♪

♪ From now on ♪

♪ Just get happy ♪

♪ Are here again ♪

♪ You better chase ♪

♪ The skies above are clear ♪

♪ Shout hallelujah ♪

♪ So let's sing a song ♪

♪ And just get happy ♪

♪ Are here again ♪

♪ Happy times ♪

♪ Happy nights ♪

♪ Happy days ♪

♪ Are here ♪

♪ Again ♪