Original subtitles

Welcome to Glen and Nick's Celebrity Intervention. This is the show where we

take a well -known celebrity and put them through a few hoops, tell them some

home truths and not before time. To help me do that, let's introduce you to my

co -host, Lawrence Mooney.

Thank you.

Lawrence, I've just got to ask straight off the bat.

This is a big night for you because you're on the other side of the

intervention. Yes.

How does it feel? This is unique territory for me. It feels great to be

intervener. How's it going?

Well, it's a process, Mick.

One day at a time. One day at a time. Well, I hope you've come on a good day.

Let's get straight into it. Now, before we meet tonight's celebrity intervention

subject, there are other people, places and things that need a good hard

intervention. Let's get straight into it. Who needs one?

I'll tell you what, Elon Musk. Elon Musk!

Doesn't he? Yes, he does.

Look, the Tesla fine.

But his surname, Musk, it's my favourite lolly flavour.

And so, because I've got a great imagination, I keep thinking, does he

willy like a musk stick?

And if he does, it's no longer my favourite lolly flavour.

There you go. Someone had to say it. What about the avatars from the Avatar

movie? Boo!

You're just a bunch of stuck -up smurfs.

On a zimp it. Get off the gear and get cracking. Who else do you think? Oh,

sourdough bread.

Sourdough. No, I've had a gutful. If you can't put a snag in you at Bunnings,

you're not bread. That's right.

You're a poor man's baguette. That's all I've got to say. But what about dog

shows? What about some events the dogs can enjoy?

Like, I don't know, licking your own balls.

Getting the lipstick out.

You know what I'm saying? So much to intervene against. What about this one?

Paper straws.

Thanks for ruining my smoothies. I can't give a shit about the sea turtles. Give

me back some plastic.

What is the natural enemy of paper?

Water. That's why they don't put drinks in paper bags.

One more to go.

Oh, oh boy. Pandas.

Pandas. Always talking about their fertility.

They're only fertile for 10 minutes a year. Come on, get some oysters into

crank up the Barry White and get down to it. That's why you haven't got a style

named after you. There's dog style, there's not panda style.

Panda style is this.

Someone has to come in and push their bottom up and down. Come on, pandas!

I've worked up a sweat. We have indeed.

I think we're ready to go. Now, it's time, as you may have realised, Glenn's

with us because, as always, he's out hunting down tonight's celebrity

intervention subject.

And, as you know, he has to find them and bring them back to the studio by

tricking them into it using a Kenny Roos.

Let's cross out live and see what Glenn's up to.

Over there is Jim Jeffries.

Let's see how we go.

Jim. Glenn.

Glenn Robbins.

G'day, mate.

Great to see you.

What are you doing?

Got an appointment.

Appointment for what?

My neck.

Oh, you've got a bad neck.

Cairo, long flight, bad neck. The old cervical displacement, air pressure.

Cervical? I was an acupressurist back in the 80s, worked in LA. Just follow my

fingers with your eyes. What are we doing? Just trust me, follow my fingers

your eyes. You're feeling good, you're feeling nice and relaxed. Trust me,

me. You're touching me, Glenn. Just trust me now, and away you go.

Your C2 and your C3 are now back in position, and I vouch for that.

You're doing a little bit more work. I reckon you'd come back to my place. No.

Come back to my place. I've barely got towels. I've got oils. I've got cups.

I've got needles.

Just pop in the back. Don't ask any questions.

It's gone again.

Okay, just relax. Nice and easy. Pop it in down there. What sort of pants are

you wearing?

Just denim.

Just normal jeans? Do they come off easily?

stand -up this country's ever produced, and let's be honest, there's a bit going

on that needs work.

Yeah, we've got to have a chat to him, and he needs an intervention.

He does indeed.

Obviously, you've got to take them a while to get back. It looked like a city

hotel, so... Oh, hang on, they're here right now! Make it work!

Woo!

How you doing, Robert?

Hi, Jim. How are you? Thanks for coming. You know... Please, sit down.

You know Glenn?

Yes.

How are you, Jim?

It's great to see you. I'm surprised.

We wish it was under better circumstances because, obviously,

work to be done here tonight. Jim, you're here because we love you, man.

We love you. We care. But I don't even know you.

I've just met this one. I know you a bit.

But we're the closest friends you have.

So, Jim, there's a bit to work through, but I thought we'd start with the big

one, and let's get this out of the system first. Straight off the bat, I

ask you this.

Why do you and your fans hate each other so much?

What, me and my fans? Why do you and your fans hate each other? It's a

of behaviour that's been going on for some time, and I'm going to take you

many years to your time in Manchester, which was the canary in the coal mine.

When this incident happened live on stage, we should have tipped this as a

flag. Thank you.

It's pushing it inwards.

Where do you... Oh, hang on.

That's hard to watch.

Yeah, I find those memories hard, actually.

I should point out, that's a traditional welcome to country in Manchester.

There's nothing that wrong with that. What are your memories of that?

Because you look like you were being chased by a bee.

I was living in Manchester at the time. I had somebody heckling. There was a

woman over there heckling, and I put her down several times, and then I had a

closing line that I've used often, which is, I'm going to leave you alone now,

like your dad did.

Anyway,

a guy over here had some issues with his father that hadn't been resolved.

He was an Irishman, and I know this because, He didn't punch me right away.

turns out he finished his drink.

So he sat for a little bit longer, finished his drink, and then he ran up.

if you see the first bit of the footage, I go, hang on, mate. I thought he was

looking for the bathroom. You know what I mean? And then I get the punch to the

head. And then in my brain, I was fighting back really good. But now

the footage.

I'm pretty sure I just cowered for most of it. And then the lovely people of

Manchester came up and actually saved me. Now, every time I go to Manchester,

think we saw four or five people. If I'm in a bar in Manchester, someone will

come up to me and go, I was the guy who came up and saved you. I bought about 40

pints in Manchester for all the different people who saved me. I get

I go into the dressing room. The other comic on is Michael McIntyre. Now,

neither me or Michael were anybody in the industry back in 2006.

And Michael was watching the footage of it happening on the TV in the dressing

room. And as he's watching it, he hears me coming. I've got my black eye, and

I'm swearing in the hallway. He hears me coming, so he changes the channel. And

I walk in, and he's just watching Snooker.

And I come in the room, and he doesn't even turn around. He just goes, how did

it go?

And I said, not good, Michael. I just got punched in the head. And he went, no

one can follow me.

Something for me that is incredulous in that story is that an Irishman who was

drunk resorted to violence.

The security caught him and they took him backstage and then they said, oh, do

you want to press charges?

And I looked at the footage and I said, I think I'll make more money out of the

footage.

Just lock him up for the night. But thank God, this was before camera

Yeah, right. Because if there were other angles, you would have saw the joke

that I said before and you probably wouldn't be on my side.

Well, we're glad you're here and we're glad you're talking about it. Someone

else who's here.

Of course, he's here tonight. The guy from Manchester, he's in the crowd.

No. There he is.

No.

If I'm reading the body language.

It is him. Made up with your dad, mate?

Don't. Don't bite.

Don't bite. We're going to watch this as the episode goes on. Maybe we can all

heal a little bit tonight. A little bit together. We're going to go to a break.

Okay.

Welcome back to the next celebrity intervention with our special guest, Jim

Jefferies. You did very well, Jim. You seem to be confronting it head on. I

to improve.

You do want to improve.

There's a bit of improving to do. By the way, in our research, we found out that

wasn't the first time you've been punched on stage. Do you remember your

appearance on Vidiot?

Well, I punched on... Oh, Jeffrey threw you off there.

You can get him after the show.

Yeah, get him now.

That's it, all right.

That was my friend Sebastian Bobois.

He was... Yeah, he was from the... I haven't seen that footage since I was...

That was Dwayne McLean, the D -train, was the other... Yeah.

Was the guest who played for the Sydney Kings. I won so much shit on video. I

won a voucher of movie tickets to Hoyt. Right. And I won a TV...

A video player. I went through several episodes.

You carry over champ.

No, I lost the final episode. They were going to give me a camcorder, like a big

thing like that.

It was brilliant. I was 14 years old. Let's take a look at that little kid up

there. What happened to him?

What happened to that beautiful little boy?

His teeth just became good on their own.

And you've got a little bowl cut.

Yeah, yeah.

Obviously, that was my favourite outfit. I'm on TV. That must have been my best

top, a billabong jumper.

I was ready to go, no, that was brilliant, Vidiot. I'll tell you about

right. So the first episode, you play with kids from your school. They come

to the school, they audition you, and then they go.

If you win, like, the Monday through the Thursday, on the Thursday, you get to

play with the other kids that have won from the other school.

And none of the girls at my school liked me because they knew me.

Now, these girls that were on the next episode, right, we were having fun.

I had a what a movie ticket.

I'd won all these movie tickets. So I was like, oh, I can't go to the movies

myself. So I took one of them to Strictly Ballroom.

And we snogged all day. And there was Strictly Ballroom. The rest is history.

Now, that's another point of intervention here. But we want to know.

We were discussing this off. Are you a bit of a fraud?

I'm going to take that with a grain of incense.

Well, what I mean is you present yourself as an edgy young comic and

the edge and angsty, but your background is quite different. Did you or did you

not come up through WAPA, which is a school for theatre, musical theatre...

opera. And opera.

Is that where you come from? I will have you know that Hugh Jackman went to

Whopper and he's bloody Wolverine. So stop trying to make me seem like some

of wimp. If it's good enough for Wolverine, it's good enough. What was

forte? None of it. I did singing and dancing. I wasn't good at school. I

school. The only way I was going to get to university is through auditioning. So

I went and sang a song in front of them. It was like an Australian idol.

You go and sing in front of a few people, then you do a monologue, and

you're off at WAPA, right? And it was great. It was over in Western Australia.

Cheap to live there back then. And it was just like being in fame.

Every day you would be singing and dancing.

Let's have a look at you in action. There we go.

Yeah,

it looks very highbrow.

Here you are. I think this is your first invitation to the Met Gala.

What are you doing there?

What's that?

That's actually, that was an opera. That's a professional production for the

Australian Opera of Romeo and Juliet. Oh, wow.

And that was, I assume, a masquerade party.

Did you make your own costume?

And did you mind looking like a fuckwit?

What have we got here?

That's after the interval. That's a different thing.

Looks like you're about to tie someone to a railway track.

I'll tell you what we don't have there, a real moustache.

I was about 18 there. That hadn't really grown in.

We've got another photo here. Can we have a quick look at this?

Oh, this is the first time you punched a cone?

You look like John Mayer's nerdy twin brother.

Lawrence, you went to drama school. Yeah, I went to the National Theatre

School, did three years of movement. I was actually quite a good dancer, and

of my signature moves, I perfected this at the Manhattan in Ringwood. It's

called... It's called... We're all going there afterwards.

We've got a minibus outside.

It's called Double Trouble.

People actually understand the joke you made there. I didn't understand it.

I can tell you what, it never worked.

Can I ask you, you had some killer moves back in the day, did you not?

Look, I can teach you how to do the killer move. In the wrong hands, it can

people in trouble, but I do a move where... Don't try this at home.

You're on the dance floor, you pretend you've got a toffee, and it's not

you put it down the back of your pants, and then you've got to open the toffee

with your ass. So it's like this.

Do you feel like you're back at Whopper? Yeah, yeah, it's exactly the same

feeling. Does it have to be a toffee? Can it be... Like, does a minty wrapper

work? Minty would work, yeah.

It's like he's trying to undo a phantom.

You'd actually have a red skin after that.

While we're heading down the fraud track, there's someone else who wants to

heard. Reece Darby.

What's Reece?

Oh, hey, just leaning up against the cupboard there.

Rhys Darby here, and as a New Zealander, I'm used to one thing.

Australians claiming our things as their own. From Farlap to Russell Crowe to

the Pavlova. They want it to work, guys.

And what are you putting strawberries on it for?

You're not supposed to do that.

Anywho, Jim Jefferies, which isn't even his real name, you have done something

even weirder.

You've pretended to be a New Zealander and got caught.

Now that's just wrong.

Yeah, it feels like stolen vela, mate.

It's actually unnatural.

It's like kissing your sister, which you Aussies can take credit for all on your

own.

Now, he's referring to... So me and Reece, we started out in London

So 25 years ago, we were working together.

There was an incident.

I'm living in England, right, doing stand -up, and...

Australia loses the World Cup in rugby.

Johnny Wilkinson kicks that goal. I remember. Tough day for us all. Then

year later, we lose the Ashes.

Greatest Ashes series ever, but we lose.

And then my life was a misery.

So every time I get on stage, the British, lovely people, great losers.

Terrible winners. The worst winners that ever were. I hope they never win

another thing again, and I think my wish will come true.

Anyway, so every time I get on stage, they're like, they're like, they're

Johnny Wilkinson!

The action!

I couldn't get a joke out for a year!

For a year!

Johnny Wilkinson, The Ashes. One time I'm in London, I'm doing five gigs that

night. I end up one o 'clock in the morning doing the London Comedy Store.

Last gig of the night, I've heard Johnny Wilkinson, The Ashes. Johnny Wilkinson,

The Ashes. I say to the MC, I said, I can't handle this anymore.

Tell them I'm from New Zealand.

I said, I don't want to put up with it. They go, please welcome to the stage,

all the way from New Zealand, Jim Jefferies.

and I'm having a great gig for the first time in a long time. I have the

audience in the palm of my hand. No problems. Every joke is hitting. I have

change a few lines. Like, you know, growing up in New Zealand, little things

like that.

That harbour bridge in Auckland.

Yeah.

In the third row, there's a rather large Maori fella. Is there?

And I went, you know, growing up in New Zealand, and all I hear is this, not

true.

No, no. No, no. Anyway, New Zealand.

Bullshit.

And he doesn't even say a protest. He just stands up and he goes, he's not

New Zealand. He's an Australian. I'm going to go for piss.

And the audience, not only did we lose the ashes, not only did we

lose the rugby, but I was lying convict scum.

They booed me off the stage, and I was just like, good night, everyone.

God bless New Zealand. And Rhys was in the audience, and he's never let me

bloody forget it. Something else in there that we noticed. You said it's not

your real name. Yeah. What's that about?

What's going on?

You mean you changed it to Jim Jefferies? It turns out that having an

alliterated name, Mick Malloy, it sounds better, right?

Okay, so is that your real name? It is my real name.

It's actually my dancing name. Yeah, yeah.

You look like you have more of a, like, Croatian -y sort of Greek sort of bend

in.

Maloyoski. I'm in the witness protection care.

The big reveal.

Okay, so my real name is Jeffrey James Nugent, and it's Jeffrey with a G.

And Nugent's spelled N -U -G -E -N -T, and James is my middle name. So I

it to Jeffrey James for one show, and then I changed it to Jim Jefferies. And

the reason I did that...

I was 17 and I was doing an open mic at the Manly Boat Shed in Sydney.

Adam Hills was emceeing. Never heard of him. He was only a young man

as well. I think he had both legs back then.

Anyway,

so he welcomed me on the stage.

And he looked at his bit of paper and he said, please, Godfrey Nugget.

And I was like, Godfrey Nugget, that's not, that's got to go. Yeah, that one's

not going to, it doesn't look good on a banner.

Godfrey Nugget. So I changed it to Jeffrey James and then Jim Jefferies

Jeffrey James sounds too much like Jesse James or something like that and then

Jim Jefferies. But I haven't gone by that name and I've kept that a secret

30 years and I appreciate that, mate.

So is there a little part of you that protects?

Young Geoffrey Nugent.

Geoffrey Nugent is a nerd.

Exactly.

Exactly. But he won Buddy Vidiot.

Did your parents make you change your name because they saw your act?

Please don't be a Nugent. I'll be honest with you. At one stage I was like, if

the opera singing in musical theatre career takes off, you'll be Geoffrey

Nugent. If me saying the C word a lot takes off, I'll be Jim Jefferies. And it

just so happens it went the other way.

Can you hang around Godfrey?

We've got some more to work through.

I can't hang around Jim every day.

Hang around Jim. We'll be back with Jim Jeffries in just a while.

Welcome back to Glenn and Nick's Celebrity Intervention with my co -host,

Lawrence Mooney. You're doing a great job. I'm really enjoying this. And I

that we're making some great progress, Jim. I'm nervous.

There's a lot of secrets that have come out now. I'm not over the moon about it.

I am concerned about one thing, and that is your Hollywood lifestyle. I think

it's changing who you were. And let me remind you that I knew a young Jim

Jefferies way back in 2001.

We did a gig in Terrigal, New South Wales, together.

You laugh now.

Because they weren't laughing then.

Anyway. And then your parents drove us home.

Someone had to.

Yeah. I can't imagine we were sober for that show. I can't imagine that. But

your parents were giving you feedback about...

not swearing on stage.

Yes. And you swore a lot in that car.

Yeah, my parents weren't very positive about me doing stand -up. My dad more so

than my mother.

My mother sadly passed away five years ago. It's very sad because she didn't

live long enough to see my father happy. She missed it by a couple of days.

If she just held on.

She just held on. She just missed it. It was bloody terrible.

But my mother,

I remember because I was saying the C word. Am I allowed to say it on this

You can.

Channel 7. You can.

Okay, so I was saying **** on stage.

Oh, that's C word.

I thought the C word was Channel 7.

Anyway, I said it on stage at a gig when I was, you know, 18 or something like

that. And my old PE teacher was Mr. Rod Hardness. My mother was a schoolteacher

at the school. He classed me up the prick.

He went the next day and he said, oh, you were saying see this and see that.

mum came home so furious and I went, mum, I would never.

I don't know why you'd say such a thing. So I guess I am a fool. And by the way,

Rod's a c***.

Yeah.

That's what you say when you're doing that.

Remember me, Mr Hartnett?

You transitioned from that sweet boy swearing at your parents in the car to

rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous in Hollywood. And we're worried

it's just changing you. You've gone more Hollywood than Peter Allen.

You have got a very close friend who is probably one of the most famous people

in the world at the moment. Yes.

She's concerned about you. Oh, I thought you were going to say someone

different. Lisa Vanderpump. I love Lisa Vanderpump.

You're great friends. That's a shirt that didn't fit my neck anymore.

But that's me at her dog charity. I met Lisa. I did one of her podcasts once.

And then she said, oh, you must come over to Villa Rosa, which is her home,

all the ponies and the swans and all the dogs and everything. Wow. And I said,

oh, yeah, I'll get right on that. And I told my wife. My wife is like, we're

going. That's Lisa Vanderbilt. My wife's favorite, you know, like housewife.

So we went over to the house, and me and Lisa get on like a house on fire. And

seriously, we call each other up every couple of days and have a long chat. And

I love Lisa with all my heart. And anyone who wants to say anything bad

Lisa Vanderpump has to come through me first. All right, well, I'll tell you

what.

She may have a few bad things to say about you.

Jim Jeffers. Oh, yes, Jim.

I used to love Jim.

Jim Jeffers, great guy.

Then he came over here and he just got carried away with himself.

I mean, I can't really explain it, but, I mean, he's gone so Hollywood.

If I think it's too Hollywood, you know it's too Hollywood, right?

I mean, all he talks about is Brad Pitt, Brad this, Brad that.

I think over there, what he used to be like, you would have called him like a

bovine or something.

But now, I mean, he's more plastic than my...

bloody credit card.

I'm not saying something.

Well, there's a couple of accusations.

I'm with you. I'm a big fan of Linda.

No, it's Lisa.

It's Lisa Vanderpump. It's Linda Vanderburg.

Lisa Vanderpump.

Lisa Vanderpump. Lisa Vanderpump.

LVP.

I've got a problem because I don't know where this is.

the toffee didn't fall out.

I hope he never goes to prison.

Because you will be Vanderpumped.

So Brad Pitt, what happens with Brad Pitt? Now I'm in trouble for mentioning

Brad Pitt. Now you're asking me about Brad Pitt.

Tell me, what's your relationship with Brad Pitt like?

Brad was... Now I'm going to look like I'm name dropping.

Yeah, he's not looking happy.

Both of Manchester's had enough.

So Brad was the weatherman on my TV show in America.

I had a TV show called The Jim Jeffery Show. It was a great show. And he was my

weatherman, and he would come on and read the weather.

We've got a clip. Let's take a look.

Here's our own Jim Jeffery Show weatherman.

How's it looking out there, weatherman?

Thank you, Jim.

So things are going to be getting warmer in this area here and this area.

Here.

Thank you, Jim Jefferies, Go Weatherman.

Do you have any future forecasts for us?

There is no future.

That is huge.

Can I just say, I am a very big fan of Bill Pitt.

No, it's Brad Pitt.

It's Brad Pitt.

Oh, boy.

It's Brad Pitt. Oh, no.

Just before we hear about Brad Pitt, we asked him to be on the show. He sent us

this. So whom it may concern... How did you get in touch with Brad Pitt?

You can imagine my excitement when I got your email asking me to share a message

from Jim Jefferies.

You'll have to imagine, because there was none.

Going on Jim's show was the biggest regret of my life and I was in Legends

the Fall.

No regards, Brad Pitt. Anyway, that's from Brad.

How did you meet him? How did you get him on your show?

Brad came to one of my shows, my stand -up shows during COVID because he could

wear a face mask.

Because COVID was happening. So he walked into the room. He walked all the

down the aisle. And then he sat in the front row and took his mask off. And no

one knew Brad Pitt. Did you know it was Brad Pitt?

Yeah, I had an erection the whole time.

So then Brad said he'd be on my show as the weatherman. And if you cut back to

that picture of him in the linen suit, that was the suit that he wore, right?

that was the Italian linen suit. He did the show four times. Then my show gets

cancelled.

Why? Because everything does.

You'll find out in three episodes.

Anyway,

so... That's hopeful.

So they're clearing out my office and literally they've got like the razor

blades scraping my name off the door, off the glass window, right?

And one of the girls from wardrobe comes in and she goes, I have Brad Pitt's

suit. I could take it over to his house if you like.

And I'm like this, oh, I'll take it, like that, right? Because I still get

starstruck around Brad, right? And so I ring Brad up and I said, oh, Brad, I've

got your suit. Would you like me to bring it over? And he said, just give it

charity.

Like, fuck, I was going to do it.

To charity.

I'm a little bit larger than Brad. I don't have the same physique.

I put the suit on. I'm standing in my room. I look like Pee Wee Herman, the

sleeve.

I'm in a little suit.

It didn't fit me, but I packed it all up. And for Christmas under the tree, I

had Brad Pitt's suit. And I gave it to my then 80 -year -old father. And I

there you go. There's a suit. And it fit him perfectly. And I go, Dad, that's

Brad Pitt's suit.

And my dad goes, who's Brad Pitt?

And I show him the photo on my phone and I go, there he is wearing the suit,

right? And he goes, get me a laminated version of that photo to fit in the top

breast pocket, right?

My dad doesn't have a phone or anything like that. So now when he takes women on

dates, he wears the Brad Pitt suit.

And he goes, if they start to lose interest, I bloody whip it out.

I whip it out. He goes, and they're back in. And he goes, and you know what?

They always know who he is.

That is right.

Now, the other thing, Leper, or Linda in your case, referred to was your

cosmetic surgery. He said you had more plastic than a credit card. True or

false? You've had some work done.

I've had the teeth.

You needed them done because they were punched in. I've had a hair transplant

that didn't really take.

I'll do another one of them because this is all smoke and mirrors.

The production crew over there have done more work on me than they had do on

Avatar.

And I had lipo on the chin. But don't worry about it.

They took a little pocket out there and I had a penis reduction.

It was necessary. Well, you've got the big ones out of the way.

So, Mick, you have had some work.

I've had two chins added, and I've got fake love handles. But that's by the by.

How's our friend from Manchester going?

Are you loosening up a bit? You're still staying a bit.

Well, he looks like he's seething. Jesus.

I don't know what you've done here. There's a bit of work to go. Hang about.

We're going to come back with more Jim Jefferies in just a moment.

We're doing well. Welcome back to a great and mixed celebrity convention

our guest, Jim Jefferies. You're doing well, mate. Thank you. I feel like I'm

improving as a... Oh, yeah.

Okay. We're going to go deep now. We've had some friends and some colleagues,

but we'd like to... We haven't gone deep enough. I feel like we've gone deep

enough. We'd like to get some family involved, and we thought we'd hear from

your wonderful wife, Daisy.

Hi, everybody.

Jim needs an intervention for his fear of bananas.

He doesn't just, like, hate the idea of eating a banana.

He can't physically be near a banana.

He can't be in a room with, like, banana wallpaper.

And that's been my dream for so long, to have a room covered in banana

wallpaper. I would also like to enjoy a banoffee pie with him.

And I think he would actually like banana if he tried it. I don't think

even ever tasted it. He's just repulsed by them. So please help him overcome his

fear of bananas.

All right. Now, hang on.

Just before we get to that, can we address the elephant in the room? Yes.

are batting way out of your league. What is going on there?

It's not funny. It's beautiful. Daisy is amazing.

How? How did you reign that? What did you pull? What card did you play to get

that woman to fall in love with this? I met my wife on a dating app, as many

people do, or many people met her.

I met my wife on a dating app, and I went on one date with her, and it went

okay. And my wife's obviously British.

and we were going out in L .A., and she was, like, into me, but not really.

I wasn't going to get a second date. She liked me. She thought I was nice

enough. And then I told her that I gave Piers Morgan the finger on the Bill

Maher show, which I did. I was all drunk and maybe other things, and I got

really overexcited on live TV, and I went, and Piers Morgan.

Well, hang on a second. We've got that footage right here. Let's take a look.

And so what happened was, it was during Trump's first bit of his administration,

he started banning certain people from coming in to the country and all that

type of stuff. And I said, I went, I went, I'm like, this is really Hitler

stuff. And then Pierce clutched his pearls and he said, how dare you? I gave

Pierce the finger and then my wife, I told her the story and she goes, oh, I

watched that. I watched that. And she rang her mum up and she goes, she goes,

mummy, because that's how British people talk.

She goes, Mummy, she goes, I'm with the guy who told Piers Morgan to fuck off.

And that's what you say online.

Love at first finger.

Now,

let's tack on into it. Bananas. What's the deal with bananas?

I don't. Why do you hate bananas? I don't.

If we had bananas here, how would you be upset?

No, I don't. I'm not scared of bananas. I just don't like to be in the same.

I don't like to be in the... Would that be a problem?

Sorry.

That's a... It's exposure therapy. It's exposure therapy.

No,

that really does quite upset me.

It's not.

Look.

It's upsetting me now.

It's got the black dots on the bloody thing.

It's bruised. A green one I can handle.

What about lolly bananas?

I've never eaten one of those. You've never eaten one of those?

I'm not eating one of them. Get the fuck out of here.

I once had a banana paddle pop by mistake, thinking it was a vanilla one.

never eaten a banana. Oh, God.

Has that been above me the whole time? That's the whole time.

The banana of Damocles.

Banana boat.

Yeah, I'm all right with that.

I'm all right with that because I'm pale. I have to put up with something.

What if we showed you a picture of Bananarama?

Is that difficult for you? No, I'm all right with Bananarama.

Hello.

It's Tom the Fruit -erer.

What about the big banana?

Would you ever go take part in the big banana? My parents would go to the big

banana. I'd stay outside the big banana. I've never walked through the big

banana. Is it a terror? I feel really sick now. I honestly feel quite uneasy

about the whole thing. You know what?

Don't peel it. Don't peel it.

Don't do it.

I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not.

Stop it.

Please. No, put it away. I'm not. No, I'm not.

It's going away.

It's the peeling.

That's what we'll do, Tim. We'll go to a break. We'll sort this out. Back with

more intervention in just a moment.

Welcome back to another celebrity

intervention where we've just found out that... Jim Jefferies has a phobia about

bananas. And by the way, can I just say to our bloke from Manchester, in the

future you don't have to punch him in the face. You can just peel a banana and

chuck it.

Do you remember that sketch, that Monty Python sketch? What do you do if someone

attacks you with a banana? Like that.

That's fucking terrifying.

Now, we're moving on. You also told us in the break, that was genuine. Yeah,

when he peeled it, I was all right with that one.

And I was all right with the sweets. I was all right with the syntheticness of

it. But, no, when he peeled it, and it had a brown spot at the top of it.

And I saw it from a... Can we move on? We're nearly done here, but there's one

more big topic. What's your beef with the village people?

What is your beef with the village people? I don't have a problem with the

village people. The village people have a problem with me. So tell us what

happened. Why are you guys getting to court? I was doing my podcast and Trump

was having his inauguration and the village people played at the

and Trump did that dance that looks like he has two guys standing either side of

him. The banana dance. Two bananas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Coming in pairs.

7 .30 time slot.

7 .30.

So the village people said, isn't it funny that all these right -wing

evangelical Christians are dancing to the YMCA, a song about men having sex in

the showers? But that song slaps. It's a banger. It's a banger. I love it. So I

said that the village people's music has gay overtones, right? The next day, I

get a letter from Karen Willis. Karen Willis is a lawyer.

Karen Willis is married to Victor Willis.

Victor Willis is the cop from the village people.

Right? And now that he's getting all that MAGA money and all that type of

he is suing anyone for defamation if they say the village people are gay.

Right. This is a hill I'm willing to die on. Are you saying that

these people right here are gay?

Yes.

You're saying they're gay?

No, they are not gay.

You're out of your mind. Even the guy in the chaps?

Victor Willis isn't gay.

He says he's not gay. We have to believe him.

But I assume the rest of them are. And where have you left it? You're not in

court anymore.

So if I keep on saying that the village people have gay overtones, they have

promised to sue me.

So I rang up Karen. I apologized to her. I said, if it's not about that, she

said, it's about men going to the YMCA and playing a bit of basketball.

It doesn't mention basketball.

At any stage, it never mentions, you can shoot me, sir. And I said, all right,

Karen, the YMCA isn't about homosexuality, but you have to give me

You have to give me in the Navy.

So she's got a problem with you, but she hasn't got a problem with Wikipedia.

They just describe it as a gay ban from Greenwich Village, which they refer to

as part of a gayberhood.

I've never heard the term gayborhood before.

I'm going to start using that term all the time at gayborhood.

I'll just apologise right now to the village people. I'm sorry I said such a

horrible thing about you. It obviously isn't true.

So... Can we have a look at that photo one more time, please? This is a totally

heterosexual band.

No gay overtone. No gay don't. Macho Man has no overtone.

That looks like my indoor cricket team.

Why don't they say Macho Man was from the album Cruising?

I'll just say this. If it does go to court and you're in the dock and they

you how do you plead, you should spell out not guilty.

We're going to be back with Jim Depp. We shall definitely tell you. We'll be

back in a moment.

You've really done well, Jim. Jim Jefferies, of course, our special guest

tonight on Glen and Mick's Celebrity Intervention.

How do you think you've gone? Have you learned anything?

Look, I want to thank you guys for setting me straight.

It's been a big deal for me. It has.

Mick, over the years, you've been a hero of mine. I've watched you on TV for

years. I've worshipped you as a young man. Oh, wow. You were literally my

favourite comedian.

Lawrence, we worked together.

Glenn, you've been on TV.

We come full circle. We come full circle. When I was a young comic

in Perth, when I was out in Whopper and all that type of stuff, I had a gig in

the Claremont Hotel at the top there. It was good because I had this gig, and I

was out there flyering, trying to push my gig so I could get some stage time.

Yeah, of course. And you were there, Mick.

I was. I don't remember. You were as drunk as I've ever seen a human being in

entire life. It doesn't sound like that.

With a girl who was far out of your league.

And I went up and I said, Mick, I said, can you come and perform at my comedy

club tomorrow? And you said, ring me tomorrow, I'll see what I can do. And

I gave you one of the flyers and I said, will you sign this for me? And you

signed it, to Jim, make him laugh and feed him Froot Loops.

Mick Malloy.

And I thought, I've kept it for years.

I've kept this bit of paper for years. Make them laugh and feed them Froot

Loops. And I thought it was profound and maybe it meant something.

And then over the years I've gotten to know you and now I know you're just an

idiot.

I'm glad I had an effect on you. A young emerging... Did you not have a moment

with him where you ate something together?

Oh, we ate? Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

You'll pay for this, Robert.

So Mick came out to L .A., right?

Oh, you can't tell this story. I can.

It's time to go. No, no, no.

No, this is not going to make it. No, it'll make it. That's why I'm telling

We'll tell it.

I took Mick out to dinner at Soho House. I can get in.

Soho House?

Yeah, oh yeah. I took him the full nine yards. I took him out to Soho House.

Now, I don't drink anymore because it's irresponsible.

I just get high every day.

So, California sober, as I like to call it, high and dry, right? So I took an

edible. I take edibles all the time. I can handle myself with them.

Mick, Mick took...

Mick took an edible.

He's there with his brother. He did all right. Mick, not so good.

I was popping them like Maltesers.

So we leave the venue. We go outside. We're going to walk off to a bar. As we

walk out the bar, Mick falls into a hedge.

And in cartoonish, the legs are up in the air.

He's in the bushes. I have to get him back out. And I go, what happened? You

fell into a hedge. We go up to a bar. And then Mick goes, oh, I like the old

we're at. Let's go back.

We go back. He falls into the same hedge.

So he fell right into the hedge and left into the hedge to get his equilibrium

right. We've got to go. What have you learnt tonight about yourself?

I've learnt that my gigs are going to be really bad because audience members are

going to bring bananas down.

We love Jim Jefferies.

I feel a stand -up, Jim, for this

stand -up. I think we've had a great night. I just want to ask you...

the audience.

Do you think Jim's made a breakthrough? Do you love Jim?

What about you, mate?

I'm not happy. Here he comes.

That's the bloke from Manchester.

He's coming down.

No, don't do this.

Come here.

He's got to go.

He's got to go.

Good night.

Thank you for watching.

Well,

you know what? I thought that went really well. I felt like I learned a

bit too much about myself, to be honest. I'll tell you what I learned.

It's fun to stay at the YMCA. We won't. No, Glenn. We won't be doing that. You

want to go back for a massage, perhaps?

Go on.

Got the robe all ready.

Make them laugh and feed them Froot Loops.