All language subtitles for The.Affairs.of.Dobie.Gillis.1953 Eng

[KIDS TALKING]

Man: ATTENTION, FRESHMEN!

YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE!
I MUST HAVE YOUR ATTENTION.

HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M THE PROCTOR.

PLEASE! FACULTY ADVISERS ARE
WAITING INSIDE TO HELP YOU
MAKE OUT YOUR PROGRAMS.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY MAY COME
INTO THE MAIN HALL NOW.

QUIET! SINGLE FILE, PLEASE!
SINGLE FILE!

NO PUSHING!

NO PUSHING, PLEASE!

I WANT YOU TO FOLLOW ME,
STUDENTS!

TAKE YOUR TIME!

Proctor: NO PUSHING!
NO PUSHING, PLEASE!

I WANT YOU TO FOLLOW ME,
STUDENTS!

TAKE YOUR TIME!

HI.

HURRY UP,
YOUNG MAN.

CAN'T YOU SEE
YOUR ADVISER
IS WAITING?

HELLO.
I'M MR. McCANNIS.

AND I'M
DOBIE GILLIS.

SIT DOWN.

THANK YOU.

I'M HERE TO WELCOME YOU
TO GRAINBELT UNIVERSITY

AND TO HELP YOU PREPARE
A PROGRAM OF STUDIES.

OH, THAT'S
TERRIBLY DECENT.

NOW, WHAT SUBJECTS
WOULD YOU LIKE TO STUDY?

WELL, I DON'T
RIGHTLY KNOW.

WHAT ARE YOU
INTERESTED IN?

WOMEN.

PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE
TO STUDY OBSTETRICS.

NO. I'M NOT
THAT INTERESTED.

HOW ABOUT HISTORY
OR ECONOMICS?

NO. NO.

CHEMISTRY?
PHYSIOLOGY?

NO. NO.

LAW?
ENGINEERING? NO. NO.

THEY ALL SOUND LIKE
SO MUCH WORK.

YOU DON'T APPROVE
OF WORK?

IT'S ALL RIGHT
FOR WORKERS.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

I HAVE A THEORY.

THERE ARE
TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE:

THOSE WHO WORK
AND THOSE WHO ENJOY.

THE WAY
I LOOK AT IT,

WORKERS OUGHT TO
WORK, AND ENJOYERS
OUGHT TO ENJOY.

AND YOU, OF COURSE,
ARE AN ENJOYER.

WELL, I DON'T LIKE
TO BRAG, BUT...

I'M PROBABLY
THE GREATEST
ENJOYER,

POUND FOR POUND,
IN THE ENTIRE STATE.

I SEE.

I'M AFRAID YOU
WILL HAVE TO TAKE
SOME COURSES, THOUGH.

THE UNIVERSITY RULES
ARE SPECIFIC
ON THAT POINT.

WHY DON'T YOU
LOOK THIS OVER
AND COME BACK TOMORROW?

THANK YOU.

KID, I'M WITH YOU.

I HEARD WHAT YOU
TOLD THE OLD GUY.
YOU'RE HIP.

YOU KNOW WHAT
I MEAN? YOU'RE
PLUGGED IN.

WHY, THANK YOU.
MY NAME IS
DOBIE GILLIS.

CHARLIE TRASK.
GIVE ME
A HAPPY FIVE.

HOW ARE YOU?

STAYING
AT THE DORM?

YEAH.

GOT A ROOMMATE
YET?

NO.

I'M WITH YOU.

SWELL.

UH...WHAT DO YOU
SAY WE GO LOOK FOR
SOME DAMES, HUH?

I'M WITH YOU.

[BAND PLAYING]

[MUSIC ENDS]

THIS IS OUR ANNUAL
FRESHMEN GET-TOGETHER,

AND THAT MEANS THAT
ALL YOU FRESHMEN HAVE
GOT TO GET TOGETHER,

SO YOU KIDS WITHOUT
PARTNERS, STEP OUT
AND FIND YOURSELF ONE

BECAUSE IN A VERY FEW
MINUTES, WE'RE GOING TO
START THE SQUARE DANCE.

[APPLAUSE]

WOWEE! DOBIE, LOOK
AT THAT, WILL YOU?

YEAH.

LOOK AT THAT.

[KIDS TALKING]

DID YOU EVER SEE
ANYTHING SO BUILT
IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE?

YEAH.

LOOK, DOBIE.
SHE'S COMING THIS WAY.

SHE'S COMING THIS WAY.
LOOK, DOBIE.

NO, NOT OVER THERE,
OVER HERE.

NO, YOU
LOOK OVER HERE,
SEE WHAT I FOUND.

WELL, HERE I AM,
YOU LUCKY DEVIL.

STEP ASIDE, BOY.
I WANT HIM.

HEY!

WELL, KID, I GUESS
YOU END UP WITH ME.

YOU AIN'T MUCH.

THAT'S WHAT I LIKE--
A GIRL WHO SPEAKS
HER MIND.

WHAT I LIKE IS
YOUR BOYFRIEND,

SO DON'T GET ANY
IDEAS, BUSTER.

IT'S TOO LATE.
I ALREADY GOT THEM.

HELLO.

HELLO.

MAY I HAVE
THE PLEASURE OF
THE NEXT DANCE?

NO, THANK YOU.
I HAVE TO BE
GETTING HOME.

BUT IT'S SO EARLY.

THAT'S WHEN DADDY
LIKES ME TO GET
HOME--EARLY.

COULDN'T YOU
JUST STAY FOR ONE
DANCE? JUST ONE.

WELL...ALL RIGHT.

SWELL. MY NAME IS
DOBIE GILLIS.

MY NAME IS...

[BAND PLAYING]

♪ SQUARES ARE FORMED
AND READY TO GO ♪

♪ THE BOYS IN THE BAND
ARE READY TO BLOW ♪

♪ HONOR YOUR PARTNERS
AND YOUR CORNER'S DOLL ♪

♪ SWING YOUR PARTNERS,
ONE AND ALL ♪

♪ THAT'S ALL, BROTHER,
BEFORE YOU FALL ♪

♪ ALL 4 COUPLES,
FORWARD AND BACK ♪

♪ MAKE YOUR FEET GO ♪

♪ AND A-DO-SI-DO ♪

I DON'T LIKE TO SEEM
DULL, BUT I DIDN'T
CATCH YOUR NAME.

I'M LORNA ELLINGBOE.

HOW DO YOU DO?

♪ HEEL, TOE,
A-GO, MAN, GO ♪

YOU EXCITE ME.

THAT'S NICE.

♪ SWING YOUR CHICK
AROUND AND ABOUT ♪

♪ WHILE SHE'S TURNIN',
YOU CUT OUT ♪

Lorna: I GOT A GREAT IDEA.
LET'S GO STEADY.

ALL RIGHT.

I WITHDRAW THE OFFER.

YOU'RE
FIGHTING ME.

♪ AROUND THE SQUARE,
BREAK UP THE HALL ♪

♪ DANCE UP A STORM
AND HAVE A BALL ♪

[MUSIC ENDS]

[CHEERING]

I KNOW
THIS IS GOING
TO SOUND SILLY,

BUT I DIDN'T
CATCH YOUR--

Announcer:
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

IN JUST A FEW MINUTES,
DR. ASCOT, THE FAMOUS
RADIO QUIZ MASTER,

WILL CONDUCT HIS COAST-TO-COAST
QUIZ PROGRAM

RIGHT HERE IN THE GYM.
YOU'RE ALL INVITED TO STAY.

HOW ABOUT IT?
SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

FUN? IS THAT WHAT YOU
CAME TO COLLEGE FOR--
TO HAVE FUN?

HUH! YOU AIN'T
JUST A-KIDDIN'.

NOT I. I CAME
TO COLLEGE TO LEARN
AND TO WORK

BECAUSE THAT'S
WHAT COLLEGE IS FOR--

A PLACE
TO LEARN, LEARN, LEARN
AND WORK, WORK, WORK.

WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

DADDY. DADDY SAYS
PEOPLE WHO COME
TO COLLEGE FOR FUN

ARE LOATHSOME CREATURES
WITH NO MORAL FIBER.

HMM.

YOUR DADDY IS
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

I WAS ONLY
FOOLING BEFORE.

I DIDN'T COME HERE
FOR FUN.

I CAME TO LEARN,
LEARN, LEARN,
WORK, WORK, WORK.

I'M GLAD.

ME, TOO.

DADDY SAYS FACTS
ARE THE WEAPONS
IN THE BATTLE OF LIFE,

AND COLLEGE IS THE BEST
PLACE TO LEARN FACTS.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
FACTS, I ALWAYS SAY.

DO YOU KNOW
LOTS OF FACTS?

MILLIONS.

TELL ME SOME.

WOULD YOU LIKE
A GLASS OF PUNCH?

NO, THANK YOU.
JUST TELL ME
SOME FACTS.

I KNOW SO MANY,
I DON'T KNOW
WHERE TO BEGIN.

JUST BEGIN
ANYWHERE.

UM...HOW ABOUT
STATE CAPITALS?

OH, THAT
SOUNDS KEEN.

DO YOU KNOW THAT
DOVER'S THE CAPITAL
OF DELAWARE?

REALLY?

UH-HUH. AND AUGUSTA
IS THE CAPITAL
OF MAINE.

YOU DON'T SAY.

AND LANSING
IS THE CAPITAL
OF MICHIGAN.

OLYMPIA'S THE CAPITAL
OF WASHINGTON,

AND SAY, IF YOU'RE
SO INTERESTED IN FACTS,

WHY DON'T YOU STAY
FOR THE QUIZ SHOW?

THEY'RE
REAL EDUCATIONAL.

I GUESS THEY ARE,
BUT I DOUBT IF DADDY
WOULD SEE IT THAT WAY.

HERE, WHY DON'T YOU
CALL HIM AND TELL HIM
YOU'RE GOING TO A LECTURE?

THAT'S THE TRUTH...
SORT OF.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL GO
PHONE HIM AND MEET
YOU BACK HERE.

JUST A MINUTE.
BEFORE YOU GO, THERE'S
SOMETHING I MUST KNOW.

YOU'RE GOING TO THINK
I'M AN AWFUL KNOTHEAD,
BUT I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR--

WHERE'S LORNA?

I'LL BE
LORNA? RIGHT BACK.

WHERE IS SHE?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

I FIGURED
SHE'D BE WITH YOU.

SHE ISN'T.

LOOK, DOBIE,
THIS IS TERRIBLE.

THIS, IN FACT,
IS GRUESOME.

WHAT'S WRONG?

FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE, SEE,
THE VERY FIRST TIME,

I FIND A DAME THAT
GETS TO ME, GETS
TO ME RIGHT HERE,

RIGHT IN THE OLD
TICKER.

WHAT'S SO GRUESOME
ABOUT THAT?

WELL, SHE WANTS YOU.

BUT I DON'T
WANT HER.

HEY, YOU KNOCKING
MY DAME?

NO, NO.
A VERY CHARMING GIRL,
BUT I'VE GOT MY OWN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THE ONE YOU'RE
DANCING WITH?

YEAH. ISN'T SHE
A DOLL?

YEAH.
WHAT'S HER NAME?

I DON'T KNOW.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

THAT'S RIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW HER NAME.

HOW'D YOU
MANAGE THAT?

WELL, YOU SEE...

HELLO, DADDY. I'M GOING
TO BE A LITTLE LATE

BECAUSE THERE'S SORT OF
A LECTURE HERE TONIGHT.

OH, A LECTURE?
THAT'S FINE, DEAR.

NO, I DON'T MIND A BIT.

THAT'S WHAT COLLEGE
IS FOR, YOU KNOW--

TO LEARN, LEARN, LEARN,
WORK, WORK, WORK.

YES, DEAR. GOOD NIGHT.

SHE'S GOING TO BE
A LITTLE LATE.

SHE'S STAYING FOR
SOME KIND OF LECTURE.

MM-HMM.

A LECTURE. NOW, I FIND
THAT VERY ENCOURAGING.

MOST GIRLS HER AGE...
ALL THEY THINK ABOUT

IS DATING AND DANCING
AND RUNNING AROUND
WITH BOYS.

BUT NOT OUR DAUGHTER.

NO, SIR,
NOT OUR DAUGHTER.

OF COURSE, SHE'LL BE
INTERESTED IN BOYS
EVENTUALLY.

IT'S ONLY NATURAL.

BUT THAT'S
A LONG WAY OFF.

SURE IS. MAYBE
TWO OR THREE WEEKS.

WHAT? ARE YOU TRYING
TO TELL ME THAT
OUR CHILD IS--

CHILD? THAT'S A VERY
WELL-DEVELOPED CHILD,
MY FRIEND.

I'LL ADMIT SHE LOOKS
LIKE A YOUNG WOMAN,

BUT AFTER ALL--

I'VE GOT A BULLETIN
FOR YOU, OLD BOY.

YOUNG WOMEN
ARE INTERESTED
IN YOUNG MEN.

IT'S THE NATURE
OF THE BEAST.

THERE'LL BE PLENTY
OF TIME FOR BOYS LATER.

RIGHT NOW, ALL SHE WANTS
IS TO LEARN, LEARN, LEARN,
WORK, WORK, WORK.

UH-HUH.

DON'T YOU SEE
THE SPOT I'M IN?

WHAT WILL SHE THINK IF I
COME UP TO HER NOW AND TELL
HER I DON'T KNOW HER NAME?

SHE'LL THINK
YOU GOT A FEW
MARBLES LOOSE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

HERE YOU ARE!

HELLO.

LISTEN, BOY,
I'M A PLAIN, HONEST GIRL

WHO TELLS THE PLAIN,
HONEST TRUTH,

AND I'M TELLING YOU PLAINLY
AND HONESTLY THAT I GOT
A GREAT BIG YEN FOR YOU.

YOU MUSTN'T THINK ME
AN INGRATE, BUT I
ALREADY HAVE A GIRL.

SEE? WITH HIM,
YOU'RE DEAD.

WITH ME,
ON THE OTHER
HAND--

YOU, I DON'T WANT.

WELL, HIM,
YOU WON'T GET.

DON'T BE TOO SURE.

IF THERE'S
ONE THING I GOT,
IT'S PERSEVERANCE.

I'M GOING TO STICK
TO HIM LIKE GUM.

I'M GOING TO FOLLOW
HIM LIKE TUESDAY
FOLLOWS MONDAY.

TUESDAY,
SHAKE HANDS
WITH WEDNESDAY.

DADDY SAID
I COULD STAY.

GOOD. I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET LORNA ELLINGBOE
AND CHARLIE TRASK.

HOW DO YOU DO? HI.

WHAT'S HER NAME?
I DIDN'T HEAR WHAT
HER NAME WAS.

[BAND PLAYING]

COME ON. LET'S
SIT DOWN. THE QUIZ
SHOW IS BEGINNING.

[MUSIC ENDS]

GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THIS IS YOUR GENIAL QUIZ MASTER
DR. ASCOT,

BROADCASTING DIRECT THIS EVENING
FROM THE FRESHMEN GET-TOGETHER
AT GRAINBELT UNIVERSITY.

AND NOW, FRESHMAN, WILL
YOU LOOK AT THE NUMBERS
ON YOUR DANCE TICKETS?

IF I CALL YOUR NUMBER,
PLEASE COME TO THE MICROPHONE.

ALL RIGHT,
HERE'S OUR NUMBER--

NUMBER 164.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

THAT'S YOU, DOBIE!
GO ON UP THERE!

GO ON. GO ON.

NO. YOU GO.

OH, BUT--

GO AHEAD. GO ON.
TAKE THE TICKET
AND GO.

WHY'D YOU DO THAT?

SO I COULD FIND OUT
HER NAME.

SHE'LL HAVE TO
TELL IT TO DR. ASCOT,
AND I'LL KNOW IT, TOO.

PRETTY CLEVER, HUH?

WHAT'S SO CLEVER?

YOU MIGHT HAVE WON
A PILE OF MONEY
UP THERE.

NO, NOT ME. I'M NOT GOOD
AT THESE THINGS.

GOOD EVENING,
LITTLE LADY.

HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU
THIS EVENING?

FINE, YOU ALL SET TO
THANK YOU. WIN SOME MONEY?

I HOPE SO. YOU HOPE SO?

HA HA HA!
THAT'S RICH.

THIS LITTLE LADY
HAS HER WITS
ABOUT HER.

[KIDS WOLF WHISTLING]

MISS, IF YOU WILL
LOOK AT THE LIST
OF CATEGORIES

AND CHOOSE
A SUBJECT YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT.

[WOLF WHISTLES]

WOO-HOO! MMM.

NUMBER 5--NAMES
OF STATE CAPITALS.

Ascot: NUMBER 5--
NAMES OF STATE
CAPITALS. ALL RIGHT.

FOR $10, CAN YOU
TELL ME THE CAPITAL

OF THE STATE
OF DELAWARE?

DOVER.

OH, NO.

Ascot: RIGHT.

VERY NICE.

AND NOW FOR $20,
THE CAPITAL OF
THE STATE OF MAINE.

AUGUSTA.

Ascot: RIGHT!

ANYTHING
THE MATTER?

[CHEERING]

AND NOW FOR $50...

CAPITAL OF THE STATE
OF MICHIGAN.

LANSING?

Ascot: RIGHT!

WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S
WRONG, MY DARLING?
TELL LORNA.

LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN,

NEVER IN ALL
MY YEARS OF RADIO
HAVE I HAD

SUCH BRILLIANTLY
FAST ANSWERS.

THANK YOU.

AND NOW, MY DEAR,

FOR THE $100
AND FINAL QUESTION--
YOU WANT TO TRY IT?

Girl: SHOOT.

ALL RIGHT,
FOR $100...

WHAT IS THE CAPITAL
OF THE STATE
OF WASHINGTON?

OH, THAT'S EASY.
OLYMPIA!

AAH!

[KIDS CHEERING
AND BAND PLAYING]

WHAT?

HA HA!
CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

AND NOW, UH...

WHAT IS
YOUR NAME?

I'M GETTING YOU
OUT OF HERE.

NO! NOT NOW. I PAID $100
TO HEAR THIS.

MY NAME IS...

MARY BROWN.

YOU WERE SWEET TO LET
ME GO ON THE STAGE
INSTEAD OF YOU.

THINK NOTHING OF IT,
MARY BROWN.

HA HA HA. YOU'RE
SUCH A FUNNY BOY,
DOBIE.

THANKS, MARY BROWN.

THANK YOU, DOBIE.

THIS IS ONE OF
THE NICEST EVENINGS
OF MY WHOLE LIFE.

I'M GLAD,
MARY BROWN.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT,
DOBIE.

GOOD NIGHT,
MARY BROWN.

YOUR FATHER!

WHAT ABOUT HIM?

YOU TOLD HIM
YOU WERE GOING
TO A LECTURE TONIGHT.

SUPPOSE HE WAS
LISTENING TO THE RADIO
AND HEARD YOUR VOICE.

DON'T WORRY. PEOPLE'S
VOICES SOUND DIFFERENT
OVER THE RADIO.

BUT YOUR NAME--
YOU TOLD HIM
YOUR NAME.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

YOU KNOW VERY WELL
I DIDN'T GIVE HIM
MY RIGHT NAME.

YOU DIDN'T GIVE HIM
YOUR RIGHT NAME?

NO. OH, NO!

OH, NO.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
DOBIE?

YOU DIDN'T GIVE HIM
YOUR RIGHT NAME?

WELL, NO.

$100. YOU
DIDN'T GIVE HIM
YOUR RIGHT NAME?

$100! YOU
DIDN'T GIVE HIM
YOUR RIGHT NAME!

NO. DOBIE. NO. OH!

OH, NO! $100!

YEAH, WELL,
DOBIE--DOBIE?

OH, NO! $100!

MOTHER, DADDY, I'D
LIKE YOU TO MEET
DOBIE GILLIS!

DOBIE--DOBIE--

$100! OH, NO!

OH, NO! $100!

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH THAT YOUNG MAN?

NOTHING, DADDY.
HE'S REALLY
VERY SWEET.

SWEET?
THE BOY'S UNHINGED.

YOU SAW HIM, ELEANOR.

HE DID SEEM
A TRIFLE ODD.

ODD? HE'S A RAVING LUNATIC.
HE OUGHT TO BE LOCKED UP.

YOU KEEP AWAY FROM HIM.
DO YOU HEAR?

HE'S REALLY
VERY NICE,
DADDY.

YOU'LL GET
TO LIKE HIM.
HE'S MARVY.

YOU MEAN BALMY. YOU...
YOU'RE NOT CONSIDERING

ANY SORT OF ROMANTIC
ARRANGEMENT WITH
THIS FELLOW, ARE YOU?

WELL, I HADN'T
THOUGHT--

PEOPLE WHO GET ROMANTIC
IN COLLEGE ARE FOOLS
AND MUCKERS

WITH NO INTELLECTUAL
STAMINA.

NOW, YOU KNOW
WHAT COLLEGE IS FOR.

YES, DADDY.

TO LEARN, LEARN,
LEARN AND WORK,
WORK, WORK.

THAT'S MY GIRL.
THAT'S MY GOOD GIRL.

I GUESS I BETTER
GO TO BED. GOOD
NIGHT, DADDY.

NIGHT, DEAR.

GOOD NIGHT,
MOTHER.

GOT HER FEET
ON THE GROUND--
THAT GIRL.

WE DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT HER.

HA!

STILL HAVEN'T FOUND
ANYTHING YOU LIKE?

AH, NOTHING.

HAVE YOU TRIED
"EENY MEENY
MINY MO"?

[CHUCKLES]

IT'S HER!

EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.

I'D LIKE TO TAKE--

THAT GIRL.
WHAT'S HER NAME?

PANSY HAMMER.

PANSY HAMMER.

PANSY!

I'M
DOBIE GILLIS.

PUT ME DOWN
FOR WHATEVER
SHE'S TAKING.

I'M LORNA ELLINGBOE.

PUT ME DOWN
FOR WHATEVER DOBIE
GILLIS IS TAKING.

I'M CHARLIE TRASK.
I'M WITH LORNA.

WRITE THAT DOWN.
THERE'S A DOLL.

[KIDS TALKING]

AHEM!

[KIDS QUIET DOWN]

MY NAME IS AMOS POMFRITT,

AND THE TEXTBOOK USED
IN THIS CLASS WILL BE

ENGLISH USAGE
FOR COLLEGE FRESHMEN

BY AMOS POMFRITT.

WHEN CLASS MEETS TOMORROW,
I WANT EVERYBODY TO HAVE
HIS COPY.

YOU WILL KINDLY NOTE THAT
I HAVE SAID, "EVERYBODY
WILL HAVE HIS COPY,"

AND NOT,
"EVERYBODY WILL
HAVE THEIR COPY."

YOU THERE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH
"EVERYBODY WILL
HAVE THEIR COPY"?

WHY, NOTHING.
I SAY IT
ALL THE TIME.

MY DEAR YOUNG LOUT,
JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY IT
DOES NOT MAKE IT CORRECT.

YES, BUT EVERYBODY
SAYS IT--

ALL MY FAMILY,
MY FRIENDS--
EVERYBODY I KNOW.

THE RULES
OF ENGLISH USAGE

ARE MADE BY SCHOLARS
AND LEARNED MEN

AND NOT BY COLLEGE FRESHMEN
AND OTHER SUCH VULGARIANS.

GEE, I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

I THINK THE WAY
THE PEOPLE USE A LANGUAGE
IS THE RIGHT WAY,

AND IF THE RULE SAYS NO,
THEN THE RULE OUGHT
TO BE CHANGED.

IN THE 25 YEARS THAT I HAVE
DEVOTED TO THIS UNDERPAID
PROFESSION OF TEACHING,

I HAVE HEARD MANY
AN ASININE OUTBURST

BUT NEVER ONE
SO ASININE AS YOURS.

I CAN ONLY ASSUME THAT
YOUR RECENT PASSAGE
THROUGH PUBERTY

HAS AFFECTED YOUR MIND,

FOR YOU, SIR, ARE
A PRESUMPTUOUS DRIVELER,

A CRETINOUS BARBARIAN,
A THICK-TONGUED OAF,
AND AN ILL-BRED CHURL,

AND IN THE FUTURE,
YOU WILL BE GOOD ENOUGH

TO KEEP YOUR MINDLESS
OPINIONS TO YOURSELF.

[BELL RINGS]

CLASS DISMISSED.

YOU KNOW,
I HAVE A FEELING
HE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

MY NAME'S OBISPO.

THE NAME OF THIS COURSE
IS FUNDAMENTALS OF CHEMISTRY.

IT'S THE HARDEST COURSE YOU'VE
EVER TAKEN IN YOUR LIVES.

IF ANYBODY'S LOOKING
FOR SOMETHING EASY,

I ADVISE THEM TO WALK OUT
THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW.

THERE'S NO TIME TO WASTE.

WE'LL START THE FIRST EXPERIMENT
IMMEDIATELY.

ON YOUR TABLES, YOU'LL
FIND A TUBE CONTAINING
POTASSIUM CHLORIDE.

THE TUBES ARE CONNECTED
TO THE WATER TROUGHS.

LIGHT YOUR BUNSEN BURNERS.

WARM THE TEST TUBES
UNTIL YOU SEE THE BUBBLES

RISING FROM THE WATER TROUGHS
INTO THE GAS BOTTLES.

NOW, BE CAREFUL.

DON'T LET THOSE BUBBLES
COME TOO FAST.

REMEMBER,
WATCH THOSE BUBBLES.

ISN'T IT WONDERFUL,
DOBIE--ALL THIS
WORK, WORK, WORK?

OH, THE CHEMIST'S
LIFE IS A BUSY ONE.

KEEP YOUR EYES
ON THOSE BUBBLES.

DON'T LET THEM COME
TOO FAST.

Pansy: LOOK.

LOOK, DOBIE.
IT'S STARTING.

IT'S STARTING
TO BUBBLE!

LITTLE GIRL, DID YOU
HEAR ME SAY TO WATCH
THOSE BUBBLES?

YES, SIR.
I'LL BE CAREFUL.

I'D APPRECIATE IT.

LOOK HOW FAST
THEY'RE COMING.

DOBIE, ISN'T IT DIVINE?

OH, LOOK. THEY'RE
COMING FASTER NOW...

AND FASTER AND FASTER...

AND FASTER AND FASTER!
LOOK AT THEM!

[EXPLOSION
AND GLASS SHATTERS]

SO YOU WANT TO BE ON THE STAFF
OF THE QUARTERLY.

SHE DOES.

KIDS, HERE'S
WHAT I CAN DO.

I CAN PUT YOU TO WORK
SELLING SUBSCRIPTIONS,

NOT THAT YOU
WOULD SELL ANY.

NOBODY BUYS
THE QUARTERLY.

SELLING
SUBSCRIPTIONS?

BUT I WANT TO WRITE
POETRY AND STORIES

AND SIMPLY MARVELOUS
THINGS LIKE THAT.

LOOK, HONEY,
THEY TOLD ME UPSTAIRS

THAT IF WE DIDN'T SHOW
A PROFIT THIS YEAR,

THEY WOULD CLOSE
THE MAGAZINE,

SO IF YOU'RE REALLY
INTERESTED IN WRITING
POETRY AND STORIES

AND SIMPLY MARVELOUS
LITTLE THINGS,

YOU'LL GO OUT
AND SELL SUBSCRIPTIONS.

YES, SIR.
COME ON, KIDS.

WE'LL GO OUT
AND DIG UP
SOME SUBSCRIBERS.

[ORCHESTRAL
SOUNDTRACK MUSIC PLAYING]

THAT GIRL OF YOURS
IS MAKING ME OLD
BEFORE MY TIME.

I DON'T LIKE IT
ANY MORE THAN YOU DO,
BUT WHAT CAN I DO?

TELL HER THE TRUTH.

TELL HER
YOU HATE WORK.

TELL HER
I HATE WORK.

TELL HER LORNA
HATES WORK.

TELL HER WE
GET FUN OUT OF
HAVING FUN

AND SHE'S MAKING
WRECKS OUT OF
ALL OF US.

SHE'D WALK OUT ON ME.

THAT'S IT.
THINK OF YOURSELF.

NEVER MIND ME.

NEVER MIND LORNA.

JUST THINK OF YOURSELF.

GEE, CHARLIE,
I'M SORRY.

NAH. A LOT OF GOOD
THAT DOES.

CHARLIE...

YOU SORE,
CHARLIE?

CHARLIE.

ALL RIGHT,
I'LL TELL HER.

PANSY,
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO TELL YOU,

AND IT'S NOT EASY.

ME, TOO, BUT YOU
TELL ME YOURS FIRST.

NO. YOU.

WELL...

I KNOW YOU'LL THINK
I'M TERRIBLE,

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE TYPE
OF MAN WHO LIKES TO
LEARN, LEARN, LEARN,

WORK, WORK, WORK,
BUT I CAN'T HELP IT.

I JUST CAN'T GO ON
LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

I'M TIRED. I DON'T
WANT TO WORK ANYMORE.

I DON'T CARE
WHAT DADDY SAYS.

I WANT TO HAVE FUN
AND LAUGHS AND ROMANCE.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.
THAT'S JUST WONDERFUL.
WE'LL START RIGHT AWAY.

TONIGHT WE'LL GO
CANOEING.

OH, THAT SOUNDS
MARVELOUS.

AND THE NEXT NIGHT,
WE'LL GO DANCING.

AND THEN...
PANSY, IT'S GOING
TO BE SO GREAT.

WHAT'S WRONG?

DADDY. HE WON'T
LET ME GO OUT.

SURE, HE WILL.

NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT.

OH, PLEASE,
DADDY.

NO! HE'S A MANIAC.
HE'S A PUBLIC
MENACE.

GEORGE, HE'S NOT
AS BAD AS ALL THAT.

WHAT?

I THINK WE SHOULD LET
PANSY GO OUT WITH HIM.

YOU TRUST YOUR
DAUGHTER WITH THAT
JACK THE RIPPER?

OH, NOW, STEADY, BOY.

PANSY, YOU CAN GO.

OH, THANK YOU,
MOTHER.

BUT BE HOME
BY 10:00,
DO YOU HEAR?

YES, DADDY.

10:00! NO LATER!

YES, DADDY.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[UKULELE PLAYING]

♪ ALL I DO
IS DREAM OF YOU ♪

♪ THE WHOLE NIGHT
THROUGH ♪

♪ WITH THE DAWN,
I STILL GO ON ♪

♪ AND DREAM OF YOU ♪

♪ YOU'RE EVERY THOUGHT,
YOU'RE EVERYTHING ♪

♪ YOU'RE EVERY SONG
I EVER SING ♪

♪ SUMMER, WINTER ♪

♪ AUTUMN AND SPRING ♪

♪ AND WERE THERE
MORE THAN 24 ♪

♪ HOURS A DAY ♪

♪ THEY'D BE SPENT
IN SWEET CONTENT ♪

♪ DREAMING AWAY ♪

♪ WHEN SKIES ARE GRAY,
WHEN SKIES ARE BLUE ♪

♪ MORNING, NOON,
AND NIGHTTIME, TOO ♪

♪ ALL I DO
THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH ♪

♪ IS DREAM OF YOU ♪

♪ ALL I DO IS ♪

♪ AND WERE THERE
MORE THAN 24 ♪

♪ DREAM OF YOU ♪

♪ HOURS A DAY ♪

♪ DREAM OF YOU ♪

♪ THEY'D BE SPENT
IN SWEET CONTENT ♪

♪ DREAMING AWAY ♪

♪ THE WHOLE DAY
THROUGH ♪

♪ WHEN SKIES
ARE GRAY ♪

♪ WHEN SKIES ARE BLUE ♪

♪ MORNING, NOON,
AND NIGHTTIME, TOO ♪

♪ ALL I DO ♪

♪ ALL I DO
THE WHOLE DAY
THROUGH ♪

♪ IS DREAM OF ♪

♪ YOU ♪

I NEVER KNEW HAVING FUN
COULD BE SO MUCH FUN.

YOU'RE THE GREATEST
GIRL IN THE UNITED
STATES.

THANK YOU, DOBIE.

MAYBE CANADA, TOO.

YOU'RE WONDERFUL, TOO.

THANKS.

IT'S 9:50!
WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT!

OF COURSE WE WILL.

I'VE GOT TO PADDLE
BACK TO THE DOCK

AND GET YOU HOME
BY 10:00.

IT TAKES 3 MINUTES
TO GET TO THE DOCK

AND 7 MINUTES
TO DRIVE ME HOME.
WE'LL MAKE IT.

3 MINUTES
TO GET TO THE DOCK?
ARE YOU KIDDING?

IT TOOK ME
15 MINUTES
TO PADDLE OUT HERE.

THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU WERE SITTING DOWN.

YOU CAN'T MAKE
ANY TIME THAT WAY.
STAND UP AND PADDLE.

YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO
STAND UP IN A CANOE.

THAT'S JUST A MYTH.
INDIANS DID IT
ALL THE TIME.

BUT I'LL TIP
THE BOAT.

NONSENSE.

AAH!

NO, NO!
ABSOLUTELY NOT!

NOW, GEORGE.

SHE IS NOT GOING
OUT AGAIN TONIGHT
WITH THAT MONSTER.

DO YOU KNOW WHEN HE
DROVE IN LAST NIGHT?
11:30. THAT'S WHEN.

THAT'S NOT SO BAD.

AND SOAKING WET.
IS THAT ALL RIGHT, TOO?

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
COULD HAVE HAPPENED
TO ANYONE.

MAYBE, BUT TO HIM,
IT HAD TO HAPPEN.

THAT KID IS A FUGITIVE
FROM THE LAUGHING ACADEMY.

NOW, GEORGE.

LOOK, PANSY IS A YOUNG,
IMPRESSIONABLE GIRL.

HER MIND IS STILL
BEING FORMED.

WE MUST NURTURE IT
CAREFULLY

UNTIL IT'S STRONG ENOUGH
TO GROW BY ITSELF.

LIKE A LITTLE
FLOWER?

PRECISELY.

THEN MAYBE I SHOULD
RUN UPSTAIRS

AND WATER HER HEAD.

VERY FUNNY, BUT SHE IS
NOT GOING OUT TONIGHT.

AND I SAY SHE IS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
RUN THIS PLACE

LIKE A HOUSE
OF CORRECTION.

PANSY'S FRIENDS
HAVE DATES,
AND SO WILL SHE.

NOW, NOW, LISTEN--

YOU HEARD ME.

ALL RIGHT, BUT IF HE
DOESN'T BRING HER IN

BY 10:00 TONIGHT--
UNDAMAGED--

IT'LL BE THE LAST TIME.
DO YOU HEAR?

YES, DEAR.

COME ON, PANSY.
IT'S LATE.

RELAX. WE'VE GOT
PLENTY OF TIME.

COME ON. FINISH IT.

WHAT'S YOUR HURRY?
NOTHING CAN GO
WRONG TONIGHT.

YOU SAID IT.
NOTHING CAN GO
WRONG TONIGHT.

FINISH IT,
AND WE'LL LEAVE.

SHH. LOOK!

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ THERE'S THEM
THAT DOES ♪

♪ AND THEM THAT DON'T ♪

♪ AND THEM THAT SAYS
THEY WILL, BUT WON'T ♪

♪ SO IF SATAN
TEMPTS YOU ♪

♪ HOLD ON TIGHT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T
DO WRONG DOIN' RIGHT ♪

♪ THERE'S THEM
THAT'S GOOD ♪

♪ AND THEM THAT'S MEAN ♪

♪ AND THEM THAT'S
SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN ♪

♪ BUT IT LOOKS TO ME ♪

♪ FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN ♪

♪ THAT YOU CAN'T
DO WRONG DOIN' RIGHT ♪

♪ LOOK AT THAT GAL
DELILAH ♪

♪ SHE HAD 'EM ALL
IN A SPIN ♪

♪ SHE CLIPPED
THE MIGHTY SAMSON ♪

♪ BUT SHE GOT CAUGHT
WHEN THE HOUSE FELL IN ♪

♪ SO YOU SEE ♪

♪ THERE'S GOT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST ONE ROAD
FOR YOU AND ME ♪

♪ LET OLD SATAN KNOW ♪

♪ HE'S LOST THE FIGHT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T
DO WRONG DOIN' RIGHT ♪

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO.

COME ON. LET'S GO. HEY!

Both: ♪ 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T
DO WRONG DOIN' RIGHT ♪

♪ SO YOU SEE ♪

♪ THERE'S GOT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST ONE ROAD FOR YOU
AND FOR ME ♪

YOU SAID IT.
THERE'S ONLY ONE ROAD
FOR YOU AND FOR ME,

AND THAT'S HOME.
LET'S GO, HUH?

[APPLAUSE]

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

[ENGINE STOPS]

[ENGINE NOT STARTING]

WELL, WHAT'S WRONG?

LET US NOT LOSE
OUR HEADS. IT IS ONLY
20 MINUTES TO 10:00.

WE'RE ONLY A MILE
FROM YOUR HOUSE.

WE'LL GET OUT OF THE CAR
AND START WALKING.

Pansy:
BUT I CAN'T WALK
IN THESE SHOES.

YOU CAN TAKE THEM OFF
AND GO BAREFOOT,

OR IF YOU PREFER,
I WILL CARRY YOU.

IN ANY CASE,
WE ARE WALKING.

AREN'T YOU
EVEN GOING TO
LIFT UP THE HOOD

AND LOOK
AT THE MOTOR?

EVERYBODY ELSE DOES
WHEN A CAR
BREAKS DOWN.

MY IGNORANCE OF MOTORS
IS SPECTACULAR.

COME ON. LET'S
JUST LOOK AT IT.

MAYBE WE'LL SEE
SOMETHING LOOSE
OR SOMETHING.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

GOODY. I LOVE
TO LOOK AT MOTORS.

YOU HAVE A VERY
NICE MOTOR, DOBIE.

THANK YOU.

ALL THOSE
WIRES AND BOLTS
AND EVERYTHING.

OK. LET'S
START WALKING.

WAIT A MINUTE.
I THINK I SEE

SOMETHING LOOSE,
HUH, RIGHT
OVER THERE?

YEAH. YEAH. THERE
IS SOMETHING LOOSE.

YOU GO
START THE MOTOR,
AND I'LL WATCH.

YEAH. OK.

Pansy: OK, DOBIE!
START HER UP!

[ENGINE NOT STARTING]

[ENGINE STARTS]

IT STARTED!
HEY, IT STARTED!

THANK GOODNESS
THE LIGHTS ARE OUT.
THEY'VE GONE TO BED.

IT'S ABOUT TIME
SOMETHING GOOD
HAPPENED TO US.

I DON'T THINK
YOU BETTER WALK ME
TO THE DOOR.

WELL, MAYBE
YOU'RE RIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

[GUNSHOTS ON TELEVISION]

PANSY!

AND DADDY SAYS IF YOU
COME AROUND AGAIN,

HE'LL KNOCK YOU
INTO THE GROUND
LIKE A TENT POLE.

BUT I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE YOU, TOO,
DOBIE, BUT DADDY SAYS
HE'LL MURDER YOU,

AND THERE ISN'T
A JURY IN THE COUNTRY
THAT'LL CONVICT HIM.

IF WE CAN'T SEE
EACH OTHER AT NIGHT,

THEN WE'LL CUT
CLASSES AND HAVE FUN
IN THE DAYTIME.

WHAT CAN YOU DO
IN THE DAYTIME?

WONDERFUL THINGS!

GOING
FOR LONG RIDES,
HAVING PICNICS,

LONG WALKS
IN THE COUNTRY.

BUT WHAT ABOUT
OUR CLASSES?

WHEN IT RAINS.

♪ LA DA DUM
DA DEE DUM DUM ♪

♪ YOU BETTER TAKE
YOUR HAND RIGHT OFF
OF THAT WHEEL ♪

♪ HMM HMM HMM
HMM HMM HMM HMM ♪

♪ THIS IS
JUST LIKE A SCENE
WITH HOWARD KEEL ♪

♪ COUNTRY
LIKE THIS ♪

♪ FILLS ME
FULL OF ROMANCE ♪

♪ LIKE FRED ASTAIRE,
GOT TO DANCE ♪

♪ LA DA DOO DOO ♪

♪ AND WERE THERE
MORE THAN 24 ♪

♪ HOURS A DAY ♪

♪ NO STUDIES,
JUST PLAY ♪

♪ THEY'D BE SPENT
IN SWEET CONTENT ♪

♪ DREAMING AWAY ♪

♪ ALL NIGHT
AND ALL DAY ♪

♪ WHEN SKIES ARE GRAY ♪

♪ WHEN SKIES
ARE BLUE ♪

Both: ♪ MORNING, NOON,
AND NIGHTTIME, TOO ♪

♪ ALL I DO
THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH ♪

♪ IS DREAM OF YOU AND ME
TOGETHER LIKE THIS ♪

♪ SPENDING MINUTES
AND HOURS AND DAYS
OF BLISS ♪

♪ ALL ALONE AND WITHOUT
ANY PEOPLE AROUND ♪

♪ NOT A SOUND ♪

[THUNDER]

Pomfritt:
YOU'RE BACK.

YES, SIR.

THAT'S TOO BAD.
I'D RATHER HOPED

SOMETHING
HAD HAPPENED TO YOU.

WHERE
HAVE YOU BEEN,
YOU BARRACUDA?

YOU HAD TO
COME BACK, HUH?

Pomfritt:
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

I SHOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU
THAT SEVERAL WEEKS AGO,

I ASKED YOU ALL TO WRITE
AN ESSAY.

I THINK THAT NOW
ENOUGH TIME HAS ELAPSED

FOR EVEN THE MOST DIM
AND SLUGGISH OF YOU

TO HAVE COMPLETED
THE ASSIGNMENT.

YOUR ESSAYS MUST BE
ON MY DESK

NO LATER THAN 5:00
THIS AFTERNOON.

NO EXCUSES
WILL BE ACCEPTED.

[WHISPERING]
What essay?

How should I know?
What essay?

You got to write
a 2,000-word
essay.

Did you hear that?
A 2,000-word essay
by 5:00.

We'll do it.

I can't even talk
2,000 words by 5:00.

[CLEARS THROAT]

IF YOU TWO WOULD
BE KIND ENOUGH TO TAKE

YOUR GRUBBY LITTLE HANDS
OFF EACH OTHER,

I SHOULD LIKE
TO COMMENCE MY LECTURE.

THANK YOU.

TODAY WE SHALL
TAKE UP THE PROPER USE
OF "SHALL" AND "WILL."

NICE TO SEE YOU
AFTER ALL THESE WEEKS.

IT'S NICE TO BE HERE.

WHAT'S
THE BOTTLE FOR?

DURING YOUR LONG ABSENCE,
EACH STUDENT WAS GIVEN
AN UNKNOWN TO ANALYZE.

HOW DO YOU ANALYZE
AN UNKNOWN?

I EXPLAINED THE PROCESS
IN SOME DETAIL
WHILE YOU WERE GONE.

WHEN DO WE
HAVE TO HAND IN
OUR REPORTS?

TOMORROW MORNING.

IF YOU WERE
THINKING OF COPYING
SOMEONE ELSE'S REPORT,

I THINK IT ONLY FAIR
TO TELL YOU

THAT EACH STUDENT
HAS A DIFFERENT UNKNOWN.

FIRST THE ESSAY.
NOW THIS.

LET'S BORROW
SOMEBODY'S NOTES.

YEAH. CHARLIE,
CAN I HAVE A LOOK
AT YOUR NOTES?

HERE. TAKE MINE.

THANKS.

LOOK AT
ALL THIS STUFF.

THIS'LL TAKE US
ALL NIGHT.

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S WHAT?

WE'LL WORK ALL NIGHT.

HERE IN THE LAB?
BUT, DOBIE, THEY
DON'T ALLOW STUDENTS

IN THE CLASSROOMS
AT NIGHT,

ESPECIALLY STUDENTS
OF MIXED SEXES.

WE'LL SNEAK IN
JUST BEFORE CLOSING TIME
AND HIDE IN THE CLOSET,

AND THEN
WHEN EVERYBODY GOES,

WE'LL TIPTOE OUT
AND PULL THE SHADES

AND LIGHT OUR BURNERS
AND DO THE EXPERIMENT.

I'M WITH YOU,
BUT FIRST OF ALL,

WE'LL GO
TO THE LIBRARY AND
WRITE OUR ESSAYS.

RIGHT.

RIGHT.

PANSY, COULD YOU
LOVE A CHEAT?

WHAT?

IT'S NOW 4:30.
I'LL NEVER GET AN ESSAY
WRITTEN BY 5:00.

I'M GOING TO COPY ONE
FROM THIS BOOK.

DOBIE, YOU'RE NOT.

I KNOW IT'S A HORRIBLE
THING, BUT IF I DON'T
COPY THE ESSAY,

I FLUNK THE COURSE,
I GET KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL,
I'M NOT WITH YOU ANYMORE,

AND TO BE WITH YOU,
I'D DO ANYTHING.

OF COURSE, IF YOU
PUT IT THAT WAY--

THEN IT'S ALL RIGHT?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
MAKE THIS A HABIT,
ARE YOU, DOBIE?

NO, NO. AFTER THIS,
I GO STRAIGHT.

HERE THEY ARE,
PROFESSOR.

PSHAW. I WAS
SO LOOKING FORWARD
TO FLUNKING YOU.

WELL, PERHAPS THE ESSAYS
WON'T BE ANY GOOD,

AND I CAN FLUNK YOU
ANYHOW, HUH?

SHH.

DOBIE, I'M SCARED.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT
AS SOON AS WE
START WORKING.

YEAH, BUT CAN'T WE
TURN THE LIGHTS ON?

NO. WE'D BETTER NOT.

PANSY, LET ME
PUT THIS AS KINDLY
AS POSSIBLE.

I THINK I'D BETTER
DO ALL THE LAB WORK.

BUT I LOVE LAB WORK.

I KNOW,
BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD

ANY EXPLOSIONS
RIGHT NOW.

YOU READ
THE NOTES TO ME
WHILE I DO THE WORK.

ALL RIGHT.

"TO TEST FOR METALS
OF THE HYDROCHLORIC
ACID GROUP,

"ADD DILUTE
HYDROCHLORIC ACID
WITH A CONSTANT STIRRING

"UNTIL A PRECIPITATE
CEASES TO FORM.

DECANT THE SUPERNATANT
LIQUID..."

WELL, THAT DOES IT.

YEAH? WHAT IS IT?

SILVER.
SILVER CHLORIDE.

OH.

WELL, I GUESS
WE'D BETTER
START ON YOURS.

YEAH.

AW, POOR DOBIE.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY

TO SLEEP
FOR A FEW MINUTES, HUH?

WELL,
MAYBE I'D BETTER.

JUST 5 MINUTES.

AND DON'T FORGET
TO WAKE ME.

ALL RIGHT.
POOR DOBIE.

AND, PANSY, PLEASE
DON'T DO ANYTHING

WITH THE CHEMICALS.
PLEASE.

NO, NO, NO.
I WON'T, DOBIE. NO.

OH!

AH!

PANSY!

[ALARM RINGING]

PANSY!

PANSY,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

PANSY,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
FINE, THANKS. FINE.

[SIRENS]

OH, DO YOU HATE ME,
DOBIE?

NO, PANSY.
NOBODY'S PERFECT.

I DO LOVE YOU SO.

AND I LOVE YOU, PANSY.

Fireman:
IN HERE, BOYS!

Second fireman:
BRING THE HOSES
THROUGH HERE!

Third fireman:
GET THAT PRESSURE UP!

DON'T YOU LEER AT HER,
YOU DEMON!

DADDY,
I KEEP TELLING YOU
IT WAS ALL MY FAULT.

NO, SIR.
IT WAS MY FAULT.
I WAS--

SHUT UP!
DON'T TALK TO ME!

DON'T TALK TO PANSY!
DON'T TALK TO ANY OF US!

BUT, SIR--

THE DEAN
WILL SEE YOU NOW.

MR. HAMMER,
I'VE CONSIDERED
THE FACTS

OF YOUR
DAUGHTER'S CASE
VERY THOROUGHLY,

AND THIS
IS MY DECISION.

NEVER MIND, DEAN.
I'VE ALREADY MADE
MY DECISION.

I'M SENDING HER AWAY.
SHE'LL LIVE IN NEW YORK

WITH HER AUNT
AND GO TO SCHOOL THERE.

DADDY,
IT ISN'T TRUE!
YOU CAN'T DO THIS!

MOMMY,
IT ISN'T TRUE.

I'M SORRY,
PANSY.

MR. HAMMER,
SINCE YOU

HAVE MADE
YOUR DECISION,

I SEE NO NEED
TO PROLONG
THIS CONFERENCE.

ONE MORE THING, DEAN.
I URGE YOU
MOST STRONGLY,

IF YOU HAVE ANY INTEREST
IN PRESERVING
THIS UNIVERSITY,

GET RID OF DOBIE GILLIS!

NOW, GEORGE--

EXPEL HIM! FIRE HIM!
BANISH HIM!

GET HIM OUT OF HERE,
THAT'S ALL.

DADDY, I LOVE DOBIE.

JUST GET HIM
OUT OF HERE!

OH, DOBIE!
THEY'RE SENDING ME AWAY!

LET GO OF HER!

PLEASE, SIR!
MR. HAMMER!

DON'T YOU EVER DARE
LOOK AT HER AGAIN!

DOBIE! DOBIE!

I'LL GET YOU
THROWN OUT OF THIS
UNIVERSITY!

YOU'LL FIND OUT!
PANSY, COME ALONG!

DOBIE! DOBIE!

[BUZZER]

Dean over intercom:
SEND IN GILLIS.

THE DEAN WILL SEE YOU NOW.

MR. GILLIS,
THE RULES
OF THIS UNIVERSITY

SPECIFICALLY
PROHIBIT CORPORAL
PUNISHMENT.

ALL I CAN DO
IS EXPEL YOU.

HOWEVER,
PROFESSOR POMFRITT

HAS ASKED ME NOT
TO THROW YOU OUT.

NO, DEAN. WE MUSTN'T
LOSE A TALENT

LIKE MR. GILLIS HERE.

IN ALL MY YEARS
OF TEACHING,

I HAVE NEVER
READ AN ESSAY

LIKE THE ONE
HE HANDED IN YESTERDAY.

WHAT ELOQUENCE.
WHAT GRACE.

WHAT STATELINESS.

YOU'D NEVER THINK
THAT A MIND

SO TRENCHANT,
SO PENETRATIVE

COULD EXIST
BEHIND THAT TINY BROW.

IN VIEW OF
PROFESSOR POMFRITT'S
STRONG FEELING,

I'VE DECIDED
TO PUT YOU
ON PROBATION,

BUT THE FIRST TIME
YOU GET OUT OF LINE,

YOU'RE THROUGH HERE.
UNDERSTAND?

YES, SIR.

THAT'S ALL.

♪ I'M THROUGH WITH LOVE ♪

♪ I'LL NEVER FALL AGAIN ♪

♪ I'VE SAID ADIEU
TO LOVE ♪

♪ DON'T EVER CALL AGAIN ♪

♪ FOR I MUST HAVE YOU
OR NO ONE ♪

♪ AND SO I'M THROUGH
WITH LOVE ♪

♪ I'VE LOCKED MY HEART ♪

♪ I'LL KEEP
MY FEELINGS THERE ♪

♪ AND I'VE STOCKED
MY HEART ♪

♪ WITH ICY, FRIGID AIR ♪

♪ AND I MEAN TO CARE
FOR NO ONE ♪

♪ BECAUSE I'M THROUGH
WITH LOVE ♪

♪ MY NIGHTS ARE LONELY,
THERE'S NO PLACE TO GO ♪

♪ MY ONE AND ONLY
HAS GONE, BUT I KNOW ♪

♪ THAT JUST TO SEE HER,
I'D CRAWL THROUGH THE SNOW ♪

♪ BUT WHAT'S THE USE?
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, SO ♪

♪ GOOD-BYE TO SPRING ♪

♪ AND ALL IT MEANT TO ME ♪

♪ IT WILL NEVER BRING ♪

♪ THE THING
THAT USED TO BE ♪

♪ FOR I MUST HAVE YOU
OR NO ONE ♪

♪ AND SO I'M THROUGH
WITH LOVE ♪

♪ AND SO I'M THROUGH
WITH LOVE ♪

♪ I'M ABSOLUTELY,
POSITIVELY THROUGH ♪

♪ WITH LOVE ♪

HELLO, OPERATOR.
I'D LIKE TO MAKE

A PERSON-TO-PERSON CALL
TO DOBIE GILLIS--

REVERSE THE CHARGES--
AT GRAINBELT UNIVERSITY.

YEAH? YEAH.
YEAH, I'LL ACCEPT
THE CHARGES.

HELLO, PANSY?

PANSY DEAR,
HOW ARE YOU?

DOBIE,
OH, I'M SO LONELY,

SO TERRIBLY,
DESPERATELY LONELY.

ME, TOO.

COULDN'T YOU
POSSIBLY FLY OUT
FOR JUST A DAY OR TWO?

PANSY, I'D LOVE TO,
BUT I JUST HAVEN'T
GOT THE MONEY.

CAN'T YOU BORROW IT?

I'VE ALREADY
BORROWED ALL I CAN.

YOU HAVE? WHAT FOR?

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

TO PAY
FOR THE PHONE CALLS
YOU KEEP MAKING.

OH.

BUT THAT'S
ALL RIGHT.

IT'S WORTH ANYTHING
TO TALK TO YOU.

AND I LOVE TALKING
TO YOU.

ME, TOO.

BUT IT ISN'T THE SAME
AS SEEING YOU.

IF ONLY YOU COULD
GET TO NEW YORK.

IF ONLY YOU COULD
RAISE THE MONEY SOMEHOW.

I'LL TRY MY BEST.

PLEASE DO, DOBIE.

I WILL.

[DOOR CLOSES]

I HAVE TO SAY
GOOD-BYE NOW, DOBIE.

I HEAR
AUNT NAOMI COMING.

CHARLIE, CAN YOU
LEND ME SOME MONEY?

MONEY? YOU GOT ROCKS
IN YOUR HEAD?

OH. WELL,
THANKS ANYHOW.

DOBIE, WOULD YOU MIND
STEPPING INTO THE LOUNGE
FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE?

ALL RIGHT.

HI, DOBIE.

OH, HELLO.

UH, DOBIE,
NOW THAT PANSY
BLEW TOWN,

DON'T YOU THINK
YOU OUGHT TO GET
A NEW DAME?

ME, FOR INSTANCE?

YEAH. THIS
IS A REAL COOL
DOLL, DOBIE.

SURE. I'M STRONG,
YOUNG, HANDSOME,
INTELLIGENT.

SHE SURE IS.
SHE'D BE--

SHE'D BE JUST
PERFECT FOR YOU.

DON'T YOU WANT HER?

WANT HER?
WHY, DOBIE,

I'D STICK MY ARM
IN THE FIRE

UP TO HERE
FOR THIS DAME.

THEN?

SHE WANTS YOU,
DOBIE, AND IF THAT'S
WHAT SHE WANTS,

I GOT TO HELP HER
GET IT.

THAT'S HOW I FEEL
ABOUT THIS KID.

TAKE A LOOK AT ME.
LOOK AT THIS HAIR.

LOOK AT THESE EYES.
AND THE TEETH--

NOT A CAVITY
IN THE WHOLE HEAD. LOOK.

VERY NICE TEETH,

BUT I STILL
LOVE PANSY.

BUT SHE'S GONE, DOBIE.
I'M HERE.

SHE'S HERE, TOO.

SHE IS?

YES. RIGHT HERE
IN MY HEART,

AND THAT'S WHERE
SHE'LL ALWAYS BE.

OH. ARE YOU SURE?

I'M POSITIVE.

HOW CAN YOU WIN?

YOU'VE WON.

WON WHAT?

JUST ABOUT THE NOBLEST MAN
ON THE CAMPUS IS ALL.

NOBLE? HIM?

YES, NOBLE. IMAGINE--
HELPING YOU GET ANOTHER MAN

WHEN HE LOVES YOU
SO DESPERATELY.

YEAH. HOW NOBLE
CAN YOU GET?

IT CHOKES ME
ALL UP INSIDE.

YEAH?

SHUCKS, I WAS
JUST TRYING

TO SEE
HER HAPPY,
THAT'S ALL.

YOU KNOW
SOMETHING?

MAYBE YOU AIN'T
SUCH A MEATBALL
AFTER ALL,

EVEN THOUGH
YOU DO LOOK
LIKE ONE.

HE'S NOBLE.

YEAH.
YEAH. I GUESS
YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'D LIKE
TO DO SOMETHING
NOBLE, TOO.

HOW CAN I HELP BRING
YOU AND PANSY TOGETHER?

LEND ME
SOME MONEY.

THAT I HAVEN'T GOT.

DOBIE,
MAYBE WE COULD
RAISE SOME.

MAYBE IF WE SOLD
SOME THINGS.

YEAH. SURE.

THAT'S REAL SWELL
OF YOU KIDS.

YEAH. LET'S SEE.
WHAT CAN WE SELL?

WHAT HAVE WE GOT
THAT WE DON'T USE?

YEAH. THAT'S IT.
SOMETHING
WE DON'T USE.

OUR BOOKS!

SURE.

GOOD MORNING,
GOOD MORNING!

AND WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU TODAY?

WE'D LIKE TO SELL
THESE BOOKS, PLEASE.

OH, YES, PROFESSOR
POMFRITT'S BOOK,

ENGLISH USAGE
FOR COLLEGE FRESHMEN.

EXCELLENT BOOK,
EXCELLENT.

HOW MUCH CAN YOU
GIVE US FOR IT, PLEASE?

$2.50 APIECE.

$2.50? WE PAID YOU $4.25
FOR THESE BOOKS!

DEPRECIATION.

HEY, TELL ME
SOMETHING, MAC.

HOW MUCH
DO YOU GET FOR
A SECONDHAND COPY?

$3.75.

WELL, THAT'S TERRIBLE.

YOU BUY THEM FOR $2.50,
YOU SELL THEM FOR $3.75.

WHY, HE MAKES A $1.25
ON EACH COPY.

MY DEAR YOUNG LADY,
DO YOU REALIZE THE OVERHEAD
IN A PLACE LIKE THIS?

WHY, I HAVE TO--

MEN, I GOT IT!

THIS IS HOW WE GET
THE MONEY TO SEND
DOBIE TO NEW YORK!

Both: WHAT DO
YOU MEAN?

WE GO INTO
THE SECONDHAND
BOOK BUSINESS.

WHY SHOULD HAMMERSMITH
MAKE ALL THE MONEY?

LORNA BABY, YOU GOT BRAINS
YOU AIN'T EVEN USED YET.

IT'S A CINCH.

HOW MANY KIDS
USE PROFESSOR
POMFRITT'S BOOK?

300, 400?

RIGHT.

WE BUY THE BOOKS,
KEEP THEM TILL
NEXT SEMESTER

WHEN THE NEW CLASS
COMES IN,

THEN WE SELL THEM
TO THE NEW CLASS
AT A BIG, JUICY PROFIT!

THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!

JUST
ONE PROBLEM.

WHAT?

WHERE DO WE GET
THE MONEY TO BUY
THE BOOKS?

OH, YEAH.

MAYBE WE COULD
BORROW IT?

WHAT KIND
OF SECURITY
HAVE WE GOT?

YOUR CAR, DOBIE.

YEAH...YOUR CAR.

HEY, WAIT
A MINUTE!

Lorna: $900.

Man: $600.

800.

625.

790.

635.

780.

650.

HEY, LATVIAN,
YOU'RE NOT SMILING.

EXCUSE ME.

I'LL MAKE IT 675,
BUT THAT'S ALL I CAN
LEND YOU ON THIS CAR.

OH, LET'S NOT
HAGGLE. 700.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO COME AND WORK HERE?

700.

AS A FULL PARTNER.

700?

YOU WIN, BUT REMEMBER,
IF YOU DON'T PAY ME
IN 30 DAYS,

I'LL PICK UP
THE CAR.

DON'T WORRY.

THE CONSTRUCTION "DUE TO"
MUST ALWAYS BE PRECEDED
BY THE VERB "TO BE."

IT IS CORRECT,
FOR EXAMPLE, TO SAY--

[BELL RINGS]

WE SHALL RESUME
AT THIS POINT TOMORROW.
CLASS DISMISSED.

OH, MR. GILLIS...

COULD I SPEAK WITH YOU
FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE?

MR. GILLIS, YOU KNOW THAT
I'VE IMMENSELY ADMIRED YOU

EVER SINCE YOU HANDED IN
THAT SPLENDID ESSAY.

IT WAS NOTHING.

OH, YES, IT WAS.
I HOPE YOU'LL BE
HANDING IN MORE LIKE IT.

OH, I WILL.
I KNOW JUST WHERE
TO GET THEM.

WELL, MR. GILLIS--

I FIND THIS
A LITTLE EMBARRASSING
TO TALK ABOUT.

SPEAK UP, SIR.
YOU NEEDN'T BE
SHY WITH ME.

OH, THANK YOU.

DO YOU REMEMBER
WHAT YOU SAID,
MR. GILLIS,

ON THE FIRST DAY
OF CLASS?

THAT THE WAY PEOPLE
USE THE LANGUAGE
WAS THE RIGHT WAY?

AS I REMEMBER,
YOU DIDN'T THINK SO.

I WAS WRONG.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

HERE, MR. GILLIS,
READ THIS.

READ THAT ALOUD.

"TO DOBIE GILLIS,
THE MAN WHO OPENED
MY EYES,

I DEDICATE
THIS EDITION."

GEE, PROFESSOR!

I'VE DONE A BRAND-NEW
EDITION OF MY BOOK.

ALL THE OBSOLETE
RULES ARE GONE,

AND I HOPE YOU WON'T
MIND THE DEDICATION.

MIND?

WHY, IT'S A GREAT
HONOR, SIR.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU,
MR. GILLIS.

LOOK HERE!

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S A BOOK
DEDICATED TO ME.

WHAT BOOK?

POMFRITT'S BOOK,
THE NEW EDITION.

NEW EDITION?

POMFRITT HAS
A NEW BOOK?

HE'S GOING TO USE
THIS IN HIS CLASS?

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU TWO?

[ALL YELLING AT ONCE]

NEW EDITION?

NOW THEY WON'T BE
USING THE OLD ONES!

AND WE'RE STUCK
WITH 300 COPIES!

AND WE'RE OUT
700 BUCKS!

MY FRIENDS,
THE AX HAS FALLEN.

THEY'VE GIVEN ME
EXACTLY TWO WEEKS

TO GET THIS MAGAZINE
ON ITS FEET.

OTHERWISE,
WE'RE THROUGH.

GEE, HARRY,
WE'VE TRIED.

NOBODY WANTS TO BUY
THE MAGAZINE!

THIS I KNOW,
BUT WHY?

AH, WHO NEEDS IT?

WELL, I MEAN,
EVERYTHING IS SO
EXPENSIVE NOWADAYS.

WELL, NOBODY'S GOT
MONEY FOR THINGS
THEY DON'T NEED.

DO THEY NEED DANCES?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I MEAN, WHEN BENNY GOODMAN
WAS HERE LAST YEAR,

THEY HAD
THE BIGGEST TURNOUT
IN THEIR HISTORY.

AND IF THEY
HAVE A DOLLAR
FOR BENNY GOODMAN,

WHY HAVEN'T THEY GOT
A DOLLAR FOR THIS
MAGAZINE?

THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT!

WE'LL HOLD A DANCE!

WHAT?

DON'T YOU SEE?

THAT'S HOW WE'LL
SELL SUBSCRIPTIONS
TO THE MAGAZINE.

EASY NOW, PAL.

LOOK, WE'LL HIRE
A BIG-NAME BAND--

BENNY GOODMAN,
TOMMY DORSEY--
SOMEONE LIKE THAT.

AND INSTEAD OF CHARGING
A DOLLAR FOR A TICKET
LIKE THEY ALWAYS DO,

WE'LL CHARGE TWO.

AHA! AND
THE EXTRA DOLLAR

WILL BE FOR
A SUBSCRIPTION
TO THE MAGAZINE.

RIGHT!

A PACKAGE
DEAL!

THERE'S
A SMASHING
IDEA!

NOT BAD, NOT BAD.
NOT BAD AT ALL!

THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING WRONG.

WHAT'S THAT?

WE HAVE
EXACTLY $1,000

IN THE MAGAZINE'S
TREASURY,

AND THAT'S NOT
ENOUGH TO PAY
OUR DEBTS.

HOW COULD IT
BE ENOUGH TO HIRE
A BIG-NAME BAND?

WELL, WE CAN TRY.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL WRITE A LETTER
TO A BOOKING OFFICE
IN NEW YORK

AND SEE WHAT
THEY HAVE TO SAY.

NO, NO, NO.
DON'T SEND A LETTER.
THEY'LL TURN YOU DOWN.

WHAT YOU NEED IS SOMEONE TO GO
TO NEW YORK IN PERSON--

SOME YOUNG, CLEAN-CUT,
APPEALING, CHARMING,
PERSUASIVE FELLOW.

ME, FOR INSTANCE.

I DON'T LIKE TO BRAG,
BUT YOU'D HAVE TO GO
A LONG WAY TO FIND SOMEONE

AS YOUNG, CLEAN-CUT,
APPEALING, CHARMING,
PERSUASIVE AS ME.

HE'S RIGHT.

WHY, HE CAN
CHARM A BIRD
OFF A BUSH.

THAT'S A FACT.
I'VE SEEN HIM MAKE
STRONG MEN WEEP.

GREAT
LITTLE TALKER,
OUR DOBIE.

THE GREATEST.

IT'S ALL TRUE
WHAT THEY SAY.

WELL...

ALL RIGHT.

YOU'VE MADE
A WISE DECISION.

GOOD BOY.

I'LL GET
THE MONEY.

GOOD LAD!

THAT'S USING
THE OLD NOGGIN.

GEE, I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D GET TO SEE PANSY AGAIN.

I WANT TO THANK
YOU KIDS AN AWFUL LOT.

AW, FORGET IT,
KID.

WE KNOW WHAT IT IS
TO BE IN LOVE.
HUH, CHARLIE?

HERE IT IS.

YOUR EXPENSES
HAVE TO COME OUT
OF THAT $1,000,

SO DON'T WASTE
A PENNY!

YES, SIR.

DON'T EAT
TOO MUCH.

YES, SIR.

AND STAY
AT THE "Y."

YES, SIR.

GOOD-BYE, DOBIE.

SO LONG.

HAVE FUN.

AND TRAVEL
BY BUS!

Dobie:
YES, SIR!

HELLO. MAY I SPEAK
TO MISS PANSY HAMMER?

WHO IS THIS?

THIS IS
MR. JOHNSON,

THE DEAN AT
MISS HAMMER'S COLLEGE.

YOU SOUND VERY YOUNG
TO BE A DEAN.

YES, DON'T I?

IN MANY QUARTERS,
I'M KNOWN AS
THE BOY DEAN.

BUT ENOUGH OF THIS CHITCHAT.
I'M A VERY BUSY DEAN.

PLEASE PUT
MISS HAMMER ON.

IT'S FOR YOU,
PANSY--DEAN JOHNSON.

HELLO?

HELLO, PANSY? IT'S ME.
I'M IN NEW YORK!

OH, WHY, YES, DEAN.
WHERE DO YOU WANT
TO SEE ME, DEAN?

SMART GIRL.

CAN YOU MEET ME
IN AN HOUR--
LA GUARDIA FIELD?

I'LL BE THERE, DEAN.
GOOD-BYE, DEAN.

GOOD-BYE, YOU TIGER.

DOBIE!

PANSY!

HI!

IT'S SO GOOD
TO SEE YOU!

PANSY DEAR,
HOW ARE YOU?

FINE.

LOOK--A CORSAGE.

OH, THEY'RE
LOVELY,

BUT ISN'T IT
A LITTLE BIG?

I'LL FIX THAT.

OH!

PANSY, IT'S BEEN
AWFUL WITHOUT YOU.

SAME HERE.

THERE'S NO CHANCE
YOUR FATHER WILL
CHANGE HIS MIND?

UH-UH,
NO CHANCE.

OH, WELL, ENOUGH
OF THIS GLOOM.

AT LEAST
WE HAVE TONIGHT!

COME, LET US TASTE
ALL THE JOYS

THIS GREAT CITY
HAS TO OFFER US!

HI HO!

VIVE L'AMOUR!

[ORCHESTRAL SOUNDTRACK
MUSIC PLAYING]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

$600?

Man: THE CONTRACTS?

YEAH, I THINK
I GOT THEM IN A FILE
HERE SOMEPLACE.

I'LL HAVE MY
SECRETARY DIG THEM
OUT OF THE FILE

RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

YEAH, UH-HUH.
OK. GOOD-BYE.

HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?
I'M DOBIE GILLIS

FROM THE GRAINBELT
UNIVERSITY LITERARY
QUARTERLY.

I'D LIKE TO BOOK
A BAND FOR A DANCE
WE'RE HAVING--

SOMEONE LIKE BENNY GOODMAN
OR TOMMY DORSEY.

HOW MUCH LOOT
YOU GOT?

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

THE MONEY--HOW MUCH?

BEFORE WE TALK
ABOUT MONEY,

I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU
A LITTLE ABOUT
THE QUARTERLY.

IT'S ONE OF THE FINEST
TRADITIONS WE HAVE
AT GRAINBELT UNIVERSITY.

YES, INDEED, SIR,
WE ALL LOVE THE OLD
QUARTERLY.

LOOK, KID,
COME ON ALREADY.
HOW MUCH LOOT?

$600.

GOOD-BYE, KID.

HARRY JAMES WILL DO.

KID, YOU'RE
NOT WELL.

PERHAPS YOU COULD
SUGGEST SOMEONE.

NOBODY'S GOING
TO GO WAY OUT THERE
FOR $600.

AHEM! AHEM!

KID, YOU'RE IN LUCK.
I WANT YOU TO MEET

HAPPY STELLA
KOWALSKI AND HER
SCHOTTICHE FIVE.

THEY JUST HAPPEN
TO BE BETWEEN JOBS
AT THE MOMENT.

I'M PLEASED TO MAKE
YOUR ACQUAINTANCE, SIR.

YOU ARE A BAND?

THE BEST! ASK AL.

THE BEST!
THEY PLAY MORE
LITHUANIAN WEDDINGS

THAN ANY OTHER BAND
ON THE ENTIRE
EAST COAST.

WE ARE A RIOT!

THEY'RE A RIOT!

WE WEAR FUNNY HATS.

FUNNY HATS!

WE BLACK OUT
OUR TEETH.

TEETH...

WE PLAY ALL KINDS
OF CRAZY THINGS.

CRAZY!

WE FRACTURE
THE PEOPLE.

FRACTURE
THE PEOPLE!

YOU MUSTN'T
THINK ME TOO UNKIND,
HAPPY STELLA,

BUT I'VE NEVER
HEARD OF YOU.

KID, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN?

THIS IS
THE HOTTEST
COMBINATION

IN NEW YORK!

YOU'LL COME
FOR $600?

ORDINARILY, NO,
BUT FOR YOU, YES.

HERE YOU ARE.
SIGN RIGHT
THERE, KID.

I WANT YOU SHOULD
MEET THE GIRLS.

ROTKA, SLETKA,
DOBRA, SIMKA, MAJESKA.

CRAZY, HUH?

HELLO?
THIS IS MR. JOHNSON,
THE BOY DEAN.

I WANT TO TALK
TO MISS HAMMER.

I HAVE CALLED
PANSY'S COLLEGE.

THERE IS NO MR. JOHNSON
ON THE FACULTY.

YOU ARE DOBIE GILLIS,

AND IF YOU TRY
TO COMMUNICATE
WITH PANSY AGAIN,

I WILL CALL
THE POLICE.

PLEASE, AUNT NAOMI,
JUST LET ME SAY
GOOD-BYE TO HIM.

PLEASE?

ALL RIGHT,
BUT THIS IS
THE LAST TIME.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

YES.

HOW ARE YOU,
DOBIE DEAR?

Dobie: FINE.

DID YOU GET
BENNY GOODMAN
FOR YOUR DANCE?

NO, BUT I GOT SOMEONE
JUST AS GOOD--

HAPPY STELLA KOWALSKI
AND HER SCHOTTICHE FIVE.

WHO?

A SENSATIONAL ALL-GIRL
BAND--THEY FRACTURE
THE PEOPLE!

THAT'S NICE, DEAR.
WHEN ARE YOU LEAVING?

RIGHT AWAY.

OH, GEE, HOW I WISH
I WERE GOING WITH YOU.

I MISS YOU
SO MUCH, DOBIE--
SO VERY MUCH.

AND I MISS YOU, PANSY.

WHEN DO YOU THINK
YOU'LL GET BACK
TO NEW YORK?

WELL, NOT IN
THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE.

OH, DOBIE.
WELL, WHEN ARE YOU
FLYING OUT?

RIGHT AWAY.

GOOD-BYE, PANSY...DEAR.

BUT I'LL PAY BACK
THE MONEY I SPENT.

HONEST, I WILL.
I'LL RAISE IT SOMEHOW.

I KNOW YOU WILL.
THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

WHAT'LL HAPPEN
TO THE MAGAZINE NOW?

HOW ARE WE GOING
TO GET ANYONE
TO BUY TICKETS

FOR THIS ST-ST-UM...

HAPPY STELLA KOWALSKI.

WHO'LL BUY TICKETS
FOR HER?

I'LL SELL THEM.
I'LL WORK DAY AND NIGHT!

I'LL SELL THEM.
YOU WATCH!

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO BUY A TICKET

TO HEAR HAPPY STELLA KOWALSKI
AND HER SCHOTTICHE FIVE?

HAPPY STELLA WHO?

HAPPY STELLA KOWALSKI--
SENSATIONAL NEW BAND.

HOW ABOUT
A TICKET TO HEAR
HAPPY STELLA KOWALSKI?

HAPPY STELLA WHO?

KOWALSKI!

NO.

HEY, KIDS!

WELL?

I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST
A NO-GOOD RAT.

YOU TRIED,
DOBIE.

SURE YOU DID.

I NEVER SAW ANYONE
TRY AS HARD AS
YOU'VE TRIED.

I'M A SKUNK.
THAT'S ALL--
JUST A SKUNK.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE VERY
SWEET.

YOU'RE
A LIVING DOLL.

DON'T FEEL BAD.

THEY WERE
GOING TO CLOSE

THE MAGAZINE
ANYHOW.

IT'S ALL
MY FAULT.

COME ON, PAL,
CHIN UP!

MAYBE THERE'LL BE
A LAST-MINUTE RUSH
OR SOMETHING.

IT'S
POSSIBLE.

HA!

WHERE IS HE?

YOU! WHAT HAVE
YOU DONE WITH HER?

DONE WITH WHOM?

YOU KNOW
VERY WELL WHOM!
WHERE'S PANSY?

I KNOW YOU SAW HER
IN NEW YORK.

NOW, WHAT HAVE
YOU DONE WITH HER?

ISN'T SHE
IN NEW YORK?

GILLIS,
I'LL STRANGLE YOU!

WHAT'S
WRONG?!

PANSY'S DISAPPEARED.
THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG!

AND GILLIS
ENGINEERED
THE WHOLE THING!

HE'S GOT HER HIDDEN
SOMEPLACE!

I'M CALLING
THE POLICE!

DOBIE, TELL THE TRUTH.
DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THIS?

SO HELP ME,
NOT A THING!

YOU'RE LYING,
YOU KIDNAPPER!

I'M CALLING THE POLICE!

BE REASONABLE,
WILL YOU,
MR. HAMMER?

DOBIE'S BEEN
BACK FOR MORE
THAN A WEEK.

HOW COULD HE
HAVE KIDNAPPED
PANSY?

HE'S GOT ACCOMPLICES!
THAT'S HOW!

I KNEW IT THE MINUTE
I LAID EYES ON HIM.
HE'S A FIEND!

SAY, LOOK AT THIS.
SAY, LOOK AT THIS!

SAY, IT'S A REAL CUTE
PLACE YOU GOT HERE, HUH?

Dobie:
PANSY! PANSY!

OH, DOBIE,
WELL, I JUST HAD
TO COME BACK.

AHA! CAUGHT YOU
RED-HANDED!

POLICE, SEND
THE PATROL WAGON!
SEND THE RIOT SQUAD!

SEND EVERYTHING
YOU'VE GOT!
AND HURRY!

WHAT'S WITH YOU?

YOU'LL FIND OUT
WHAT'S WITH WHO WHEN
YOU'RE BEHIND BARS!

OH! YOU MUST BE
PANSY'S OLD MAN.

SHAME ON YOU!
SHAME ON YOU!

ASSAULT AND BATTERY!
KIDNAPPING!

THERE WAS NO KIDNAPPING!

I FOUND HAPPY STELLA
AND ASKED HER TO TAKE ME ALONG.

I WAS AFRAID AUNT NAOMI
WOULD CATCH ME IF I TRIED
RUNNING AWAY ALONE.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING, PANSY.
THEY'VE PROBABLY
GOT YOU DRUGGED.

OH, I AM NOT DRUGGED!
I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT
SO CLEARLY IN MY LIFE!

DADDY, I LOVE DOBIE,
AND I'M GOING TO
STAY WITH HIM.

IF YOU SEND ME
BACK TO NEW YORK,
I'LL JUST RUN AWAY AGAIN.

I DON'T CARE
WHERE YOU SEND ME,

I'M NOT GOING TO BE
SEPARATED FROM DOBIE!

NOW, JUST A MINUTE!

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?

CAN'T YOU TELL
THESE TWO KIDS
WANT TO BE TOGETHER?

SO WHAT IF DOBIE
IS A LITTLE NUTSY?
WHO AIN'T?

THAT'S RIGHT.
WHO AIN'T?

HELLO, DEAR.

HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M PANSY'S MOTHER.

YOU ARE MARRIED
TO HIM?

THAT'S RIGHT.

HOW COME?

JUST LUCKY,
I GUESS.

YEAH, BUT HE'S--

HE'S A VERY
REASONABLE MAN.

HE KNOWS A FACT
WHEN HE SEES ONE.

FACT? WHAT FACT?

THE FACT THAT
THESE TWO KIDS,

FOR BETTER
OR FOR WORSE,
ARE IN LOVE!

SHORT OF
LOCKING PANSY
IN THE BASEMENT,

THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!

NOW, WHAT'S IT
GOING TO BE, GEORGE?

DO THEY GET
YOUR BLESSING,

OR DO I BUY A LOCK
FOR THE BASEMENT?

ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT!

BUT YOU KEEP HIM
OUT OF MY HOUSE,
YOU HEAR?

JUST KEEP HIM
AWAY FROM ME,
THAT'S ALL.

[SIREN]

THE POLICE!
I CALLED THE POLICE!

[SIRENS]

ALL RIGHT, MEN,
CHECK YOUR WEAPONS!

QUINN, YOU AND YOUR MEN
AROUND BACK.

YES, SIR.

MORIARTY, YOU AND YOUR MEN
TAKE THE SIDE DOOR.

RIGHT, CAPTAIN.

YOU MEN COME WITH ME!

Man: WHAT'S ALL THIS?
WHAT'S ALL THE NOISE?

COME ON!

Woman: WHAT'S ALL
THE EXCITEMENT?

I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I'M GOING
TO FIND OUT.

ME, TOO!

HOLY MACKEREL!
LOOK!

LOOK AT ALL
THE MOB OF KIDS COMING DOWN!

[SHOUTING]

THIS IS IT!
THIS IS IT!

THIS IS HOW WE SAVE
THE MAGAZINE.

LOCK THE DOOR
AND DON'T LET ANYONE IN
UNLESS THEY PAY TWO BUCKS!

YEAH!

GREAT!

POLICE!

LINE THEM UP
AGAINST THE WALL!

ALL RIGHT, $2.00!

[CROWD SHOUTING]

TWO BUCKS!
TWO BUCKS!

TWO BUCKS!

TWO BUCKS!
TWO BUCKS!

FOLLOW ME!

TWO BUCKS!

TWO DOLLARS!
TWO DOLLARS!

ALL RIGHT,
WISE GUY, WHAT'S
THE BIG IDEA?

IT WAS ALL
A MISTAKE, CAPTAIN.

A MISTAKE?

BUT AS LONG
AS YOU'RE HERE,

MR. HAMMER WOULD LIKE
TO BUY 100 TICKETS
TO THE POLICEMEN'S BALL.

WOULDN'T YOU, DEAR?

HEY, WHERE'S ALL
THE EXCITEMENT?

YEAH, HOW
ABOUT IT?

YEAH, YOU PROMISED
US EXCITEMENT.

EXCITEMENT?
YOU WANT EXCITEMENT?

HERE, CHARLIE.

YES, WE PROMISED
YOU EXCITEMENT,
AND HERE THEY ARE,

THE MOST EXCITING BAND
IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY,

HAPPY STELLA KOWALSKI
AND HER SCHOTTICHE FIVE!

ONE, TWO,
GO TEAM!

♪ BELIEVE ME, IF ALL THOSE
ENDEARING YOUNG CHARMS ♪

[BOOM]

♪ WHICH I GAZE ON
SO FONDLY TODAY ♪

♪ WERE TO CHANGE BY TOMORROW ♪

♪ AND FLEE FROM MY ARMS ♪

♪ LIKE SOME FAIRY GIFTS
FADING AWAY ♪

♪ THOU WOULDST STILL BE ADORED
AS THIS MOMENT THOU ART ♪

♪ LET THY LOVELINESS
FADE AS IT WILL ♪

AND IT WILL!

♪ AND AROUND THE DEAR RUIN ♪

♪ EACH WISH
OF MY HEART ♪

♪ WOULD ENTWINE ITSELF
VERDANTLY STILL ♪

Women: ♪ LEARN, LEARN, LEARN,
AND WORK, WORK, WORK ♪

♪ IS ALL WE DO ♪

Men: ♪ THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH ♪

Women: ♪ NEVER SHIRK AWAY
FROM WORK YOU HAVE TO DO ♪

Men: ♪ FOR GRAINBELT U ♪

♪ IN CHEMISTRY ♪

♪ IN ENGLISH, TOO ♪

♪ WE WORK AND SLAVE
FOR GRAINBELT U ♪

♪ UNLESS THERE'S
SOMETHING BETTER TO DO ♪

Men: ♪ LEARN, LEARN, LEARN,
AND WORK, WORK, WORK ♪

♪ AT EVERY CHANCE ♪

Women: ♪ COME ON, LET'S DANCE ♪

Men: ♪ FORWARD, ONWARD, UPWARD,
SKYWARD, LET'S ADVANCE! ♪

Women: ♪ COME ON, LET'S DANCE! ♪

♪ COLLEGE LIFE
IS STORM AND STRIFE ♪

♪ AT LEAST YOU LEARN
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

All: ♪ SO LEARN, LEARN, LEARN,
WORK, WORK, WORK ♪

♪ LEARN, LEARN, LEARN,
WORK, WORK, WORK ♪

♪ LEARN, LEARN, LEARN
WORK, WORK, WORK ♪