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What's a man
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Without a woman
3
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A fire without a spark
4
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Where would man be without a woman
5
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- I want breasts.
6
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Laying cold and in the dark
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How do you want 'em?
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- Big.
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And juicy.
10
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Spicy or regular?
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- Bouncy.
12
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Anything else?
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- A wing.
14
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That's two spicy breasts and a wing.
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- Binjo!
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Drive through, please.
17
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Without a woman
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- Hey, Turk.
19
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You wanna drink with that?
20
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- Sure, how about a Sex on the Beach
21
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followed by 12 orgasms?
22
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You know we don't have no liquor.
23
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Lick her?
24
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I barely know her!
25
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Looking for some action on a Saturday night
26
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I head out to the clubs, ladies looking so right
27
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Buying fancy drinks, dropping pick up lines
28
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Hours getting late, man, you're running out of time
29
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First comes strike one
30
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Then comes strike two
31
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First strike you are out
32
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What you gonna do
33
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- Oh, yeah.
34
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Look around the room
35
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And he struts out from the can
36
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Get your money out, here comes the wingman
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Wingman, wingman
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When the ladies leave you standing
39
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With the drinks in your hand
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It's time to close the deal with the wingman
41
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Wingman
42
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- Turk Thompson.
Wingman
43
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- Wingman.
44
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He's the wingman
45
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Wingman
46
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Ah!
47
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Wingman
48
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Wingman
49
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- Nice face.
50
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Yeah.
51
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2100 hours exactly.
52
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Your, uh, wingman is now officially on the clock.
53
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Tonight, I'm gonna get you laid
54
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faster than an olive-oil soaked butt plug
55
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bouncing down the side of Brokeback Mountain.
56
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- So, how exactly does this work anyhow?
57
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- You pick out the hottie you want,
58
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we stride on up there.
59
00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:56,520
And then, I build you up to the point
60
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that you're so irresistible,
61
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even a one-legged nun at a gopher hole festival
62
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couldn't resist power-slamming you.
63
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I'll take out the Klingon friend,
64
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then you're on your own.
65
00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:16,670
- How do I know it works?
66
00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:18,880
- Does an elephant know how to jerk itself off
67
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,260
with its own nose?
68
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- Come on, let's go.
69
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- Hello, ladies.
70
00:04:36,980 --> 00:04:38,190
Can we, uh,
71
00:04:39,610 --> 00:04:41,030
buy you some drinks?
72
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- I don't know. Can you afford a bottle of Cristal?
73
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- This is Todd Barker.
74
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5'9", 186 pounds,
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half Irish, two-thirds Italian,
76
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1% Native American,
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Navajo tribe.
78
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Thanks for asking.
79
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,790
He works at a successful law firm downtown,
80
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makes 49K a year,
81
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10-year trajectory, 600K, annually.
82
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Blood type O, no trace of disease
83
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or mental illness in his gene pool,
84
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although he does have a
brother who once got arrested
85
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for shooting through an Arby's drive-through window.
86
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He's only been with three women.
87
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Almost had a homosexual encounter
88
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in a public restroom in
Germany after he left college.
89
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He's allergic to cats.
90
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He doesn't snore.
91
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He prefers steak over seafood.
92
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And he's been circumcised.
93
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Twice.
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Twice.
95
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- Any, uh, questions?
96
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,460
- Excuse us for a second.
97
00:05:37,210 --> 00:05:38,290
- Are you fucking kidding me?
98
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How did you know all this stuff?
99
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- I'm good at my job.
100
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,920
- Okay, looks like we'll take that drink after all.
101
00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:46,840
- I thought so.
102
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,970
Hi.
103
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:55,430
What is that unbelievable smell?
104
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,270
Are you wearing cologne?
105
00:05:57,350 --> 00:05:58,980
- It's just a little something I picked up
106
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when I was in Paris.
107
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Kindness, forgiveness, cherish,
108
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KFC, number seven.
109
00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:09,660
- You're fucking hot.
110
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- I know.
111
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,830
- Hey there, gorgeous.
112
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Do you work in a museum,
113
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because you're a work of art?
114
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- Ah, my face!
115
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,550
Ah! Ah!
116
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- Upstairs, there's literally, like,
117
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a flight piercing sound in the-
118
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- Ugh! Ugh!
- Whoa!
119
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Whoa!
- Oh my god.
120
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- What is that?
- Skip!
121
00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:32,680
I like the new look!
122
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,390
Girls are into narwhals these days, right?
123
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- You better not show up to our wedding like that.
124
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You might steal my thunder.
125
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Yeah, and pop all the balloons.
126
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- Dude, come here, come here.
- Just take it out,
127
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please, please.
128
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Oh!
129
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Oh!
130
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:45,820
- Am I pussing, am I pussing?
131
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- No, it doesn't look good.
- All right.
132
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Okay, guys, guys, all right, a toast.
133
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To Bob and Terri and your
last few days of being single.
134
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- Aw.
- Okay, fine.
135
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Here's to Bob and Terri,
136
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the most obnoxiously cute couple I've ever met.
137
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- Mhmm.
- Thank you.
138
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- And here's to the world's best boss
139
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,710
becoming the world's best husband.
140
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- Aw.
- Okay, fine, my turn.
141
00:07:07,670 --> 00:07:10,720
Here's to the most amazing girlfriend in the world,
142
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and come next week, the most amazing wife.
143
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Oh, most importantly, here's
to closing the Alfab account!
144
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Finally!
145
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Yeah!
146
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,940
Yeah!
147
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- Hi.
148
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Hello.
149
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Hi.
150
00:07:31,570 --> 00:07:32,990
- My name is Kazzim.
151
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- Nice to meet you, Kazzim.
152
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- Very beautiful woman.
153
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Your skin is very beautiful.
154
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It's like the chocolate
155
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cascading down a Dairy Queen sundae.
156
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No nuts, I hope, you know?
157
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Day and age.
158
00:07:50,510 --> 00:07:51,970
These kids, nuts, no nuts.
159
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I have nuts, they have nuts.
160
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We all have nuts, everybody's nuts.
161
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- I don't think-
162
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- Can I get you boys some shots?
163
00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:01,730
- And staring in your eyes
164
00:08:01,810 --> 00:08:05,440
is like staring at the beautiful stars in the sky.
165
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:06,520
- Wow.
166
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,730
Okay.
167
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,490
- Mm, these are good.
168
00:08:13,570 --> 00:08:14,610
Thank you, man.
- Hey.
169
00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:16,570
- You know, one for my dead dog.
170
00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:18,080
- Yeah.
171
00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:24,620
And we will make babies.
172
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We will have little Raju, Sangita.
173
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Rajinder.
174
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:32,590
Sandeep.
175
00:08:33,510 --> 00:08:34,970
And don't forget Chandala.
176
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,510
He's our crippled one.
- Oh.
177
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,560
- You can't have all good ones.
178
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,730
- Wow, that's...
- I plan on breeding.
179
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:45,020
I want to win the breeders cup.
180
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:46,150
- That's, uh.
181
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:48,570
- I like your little flower there.
182
00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:49,520
- Mhmm.
183
00:08:49,610 --> 00:08:50,610
- Mm!
184
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,450
- I like your halitosis, shit breath.
185
00:08:55,110 --> 00:08:57,530
- Listen, I'm, I'm with someone, so.
186
00:08:58,740 --> 00:08:59,830
- That, that guy?
187
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Right?
188
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,830
Ah!
- That guy?
189
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,330
- Yeah, yeah, that guy.
190
00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:09,670
- Are you sure?
191
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,500
Is that what you want for the rest of your life?
192
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,630
I would love to have the
opportunity to win your heart.
193
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:19,970
Cheers.
194
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,060
Cohagala.
195
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:23,180
You know cohagala?
196
00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:25,350
- It's Coca-Cola.
- Ah ha, I had it wrong.
197
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,390
- Yeah.
198
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,860
- Mission accomplished.
199
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,570
Jumbo's in the parking lot eating chicken.
200
00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:40,910
- Terri!
201
00:09:41,950 --> 00:09:43,240
Terri!
- Still working
202
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:44,500
with the bottom feeders, huh?
203
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,250
It's okay, Turk.
204
00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:52,050
You're gonna hit the big league someday.
205
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:55,880
- Suck a Shell station glory hole, Eddie.
206
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,430
- What did your client bag ya, tonight?
207
00:09:57,510 --> 00:09:58,680
Five, 600?
208
00:10:04,140 --> 00:10:05,810
60K for that basket case.
209
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:07,980
Terri?
210
00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:09,730
- His lady never stood a chance.
211
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,150
Hooked her up with one of my high rollers
212
00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:12,610
in about 20 minutes.
213
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:16,570
Yeah.
214
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,360
And I'm the only wingman in town
215
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,280
that comes with a guarantee.
216
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,370
Why?
217
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,580
Because I'm that good.
218
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:26,700
I got a little something for you though.
219
00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:31,750
- Terri!
220
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,170
Terri, where you are?
221
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,300
I miss you.
222
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,390
- We'll see about your guarantee.
223
00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:44,100
Asshole.
224
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,940
Terri? Is that you?
225
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,240
- Terri's gone, kid.
226
00:10:58,530 --> 00:10:59,860
You want her back,
227
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:01,950
you call me.
228
00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:04,660
You wanna forget about her and get some new tail,
229
00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:06,790
call me, too.
230
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:15,960
- Got it, Ms. Cromwell,
231
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,010
the Global Speedway
presentation is coming along fine.
232
00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:19,970
The presentation has to be flawless.
233
00:11:20,050 --> 00:11:21,430
- Fast and full of energy.
234
00:11:21,510 --> 00:11:25,430
- This client is building first-class race car tracks
235
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,220
across the globe.
236
00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:30,140
We have to win this bid.
237
00:11:30,230 --> 00:11:31,600
- Dimples.
238
00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:32,850
What was that?
239
00:11:32,940 --> 00:11:34,440
Uh, simple.
240
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,770
It'll be simple, piece of cake.
241
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:38,320
- It better be.
242
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,990
Our future is in your hands, Bob.
243
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:42,160
Ye-
244
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,580
Oh.
245
00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:46,830
- Yo, Bobby!
- Hey.
246
00:11:46,910 --> 00:11:48,120
- Bobby, boy!
- Hey!
247
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,660
- Time for happy hour at O'Grady's.
248
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:51,620
- Hey, guys.
249
00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:53,920
Look at those dimples, huh?
250
00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:58,340
- Bob, it's been five months, dude.
251
00:11:58,420 --> 00:11:59,920
- Terri ain't coming back.
252
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,090
And if you ask me,
253
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,510
better off now than if you guys got married.
254
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,260
You'll see.
255
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,350
She'll be back.
256
00:12:06,430 --> 00:12:08,180
We had something.
257
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:09,430
- No, no, no.
258
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,020
Mr. Smooth Moves has something, all right.
259
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:15,270
Race cars, a Fortune 500 company, style.
260
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,070
She's gone, Bob, move on.
261
00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:20,570
- Yeah, it's time for someone who's not so runaway bride.
262
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,530
- She's the only girl I've ever had.
263
00:12:22,610 --> 00:12:24,660
The only girl I've ever had sex with!
264
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,780
- Jesus, we gotta get you laid.
265
00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:29,290
- All right, let's go, come on, buddy.
266
00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:32,000
- I got so much I gotta do.
- Ah, it's time for shots!
267
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:33,460
Let's go. Tequila.
- Come on.
268
00:12:33,540 --> 00:12:34,540
- That can wait till tomorrow.
- Tequila?
269
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:35,710
- Yeah.
- Okay.
270
00:12:35,790 --> 00:12:37,000
- There we go.
- Yeah, I can use a drink.
271
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,710
My story's like a sad, sad song
272
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,090
Well, she was here
- Tequila!
273
00:12:41,170 --> 00:12:42,720
But now she's gone
274
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,260
Gonna keep drinking till I forget
275
00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:48,390
So bartender, set 'em up again
276
00:12:48,470 --> 00:12:50,810
As long as her memory hangs around
277
00:12:50,890 --> 00:12:52,730
Just set 'em up and I'll break 'em down
278
00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:55,350
- Oh, remind me to stick to girly drinks from now on.
279
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,150
Okay?
- Come on, Holly.
280
00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:57,900
You can handle it.
281
00:12:57,980 --> 00:12:59,230
Besides, you know the rule.
282
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,610
Remember, hmm, if you wanna be my assistant,
283
00:13:01,690 --> 00:13:02,740
you have to?
284
00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:04,150
Keep up with the boys.
285
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,030
- Oh, okay, well, thanks.
286
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:07,910
But I prefer men.
- Ah.
287
00:13:07,990 --> 00:13:11,080
- So you boys just carry on.
288
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,200
- All right, well, let's get down to business.
289
00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:15,920
It's time to get Bob hooked up again.
290
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,040
- Come on, you guys.
291
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,090
You, you gotta just let it happen.
292
00:13:21,590 --> 00:13:23,880
You can't manufacture love.
293
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:25,930
- It's true.
294
00:13:26,010 --> 00:13:27,220
Phil Collins said you can't hurry it either.
295
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:28,930
Yeah.
296
00:13:29,010 --> 00:13:31,060
- Redhead incoming at four o'clock.
297
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:33,020
- She's beautiful, but I'm good right now, man.
298
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,690
- Come on.
- Go introduce yourself, bro.
299
00:13:35,770 --> 00:13:37,350
- Oh, no, ah, right now?
300
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:40,770
- Ah, come on, we're going.
301
00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:42,480
We're going, we're going, we're going.
302
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:43,780
- All right, all right.
- That a boy.
303
00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:48,410
- Have fun.
- I believe in you.
304
00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:51,620
- I believe in you.
- Thank you.
305
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:52,580
Howdy!
306
00:13:52,660 --> 00:13:54,950
That was stupid, ah.
307
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:56,120
You know, I just wanted to,
308
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,830
you know, I saw you from my friends
309
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,790
and I just wanted to say hello.
310
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,880
- Look, I'm just, I'm really not in the mood, okay?
311
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,130
- Okay, sure.
312
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,840
She's not in the mood.
- Be charming. Be funny.
313
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,550
- Be funny?
- Yes.
314
00:14:09,590 --> 00:14:10,800
- Come on, it's called happy hour,
315
00:14:10,890 --> 00:14:12,600
not depressed hour.
316
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,140
- Look, this is just a really bad time, okay?
317
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:19,850
Come on, it's not like somebody died!
318
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:20,940
Did they?
319
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,200
It's all right, man.
320
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,490
Just jack 'em up and I'll break 'em down
321
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:33,660
- Yeah.
- Nice.
322
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,160
Wow.
323
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,620
That went well, I see.
- So you think she's the one?
324
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:40,830
- There's a possibility, I think.
325
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:48,420
Well, I wonder what to do
326
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,050
As I sit and stare at you
327
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,640
- Well, it looks like,
328
00:14:55,810 --> 00:14:58,390
looks like it came out pretty clean.
329
00:14:58,810 --> 00:14:59,810
Sorta.
330
00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:03,520
- Hey, thanks for dropping me off, Holly.
331
00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:05,190
Sorry I've been out of my mind.
332
00:15:05,270 --> 00:15:07,360
It's just, you know.
333
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:09,490
- Yeah, I know.
334
00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:14,450
Oh, um, this bizarre pen in your shirt pocket,
335
00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:15,540
I almost washed it.
336
00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:16,410
It's, um.
337
00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:17,700
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
338
00:15:17,790 --> 00:15:19,870
No, I've been holding on to that for months.
339
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,210
- "Get laid."
340
00:15:21,290 --> 00:15:22,420
- The guy that gave it to me
341
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:23,960
said he could help me get Terri back.
342
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,670
He was there at the bar the night she dumped me.
343
00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:28,550
But I don't, it's so stupid.
344
00:15:28,630 --> 00:15:33,800
- Oh, wait, but you're not actually considering this,
345
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:35,680
are you?
- No!
346
00:15:36,140 --> 00:15:37,680
No.
347
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,600
- Okay, 'cause like a wingman?
348
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,190
What? Are you still in high school?
349
00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:43,060
- I'll get rid of it.
- Okay.
350
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:44,730
- Just, yeah.
- Okay.
351
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:48,570
And not to be your mother, but come on, Bob.
352
00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:51,150
Your place is a disaster area.
353
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:52,240
Like, look at this.
354
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:55,120
I found rat turds in the kitchen.
355
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,450
That's disgusting.
356
00:15:56,530 --> 00:15:58,410
- Terri's the one, Holly.
357
00:15:58,490 --> 00:15:59,580
I'm telling you, she's just going through
358
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:00,540
some stuff right now.
359
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:01,620
She's gonna,
360
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,880
she'll be back.
361
00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:09,510
My place is falling apart.
362
00:16:09,590 --> 00:16:10,420
It's okay.
363
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:13,010
- You know, Bob,
364
00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:16,640
sooner or later you're gonna have to move on.
365
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,430
There are other good people out there in the world.
366
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,060
You just gotta go looking.
- No.
367
00:16:22,140 --> 00:16:23,440
No. No.
368
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,060
See, I think you saw tonight,
369
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,860
I don't know how to move on.
370
00:16:27,770 --> 00:16:29,530
I'll get Terri back, you'll see.
371
00:16:29,610 --> 00:16:30,780
Mark my words.
372
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,320
- Why would you even want her?
373
00:16:37,450 --> 00:16:38,530
- What did you say?
374
00:16:39,830 --> 00:16:41,790
- Uh, goodnight, Bob.
375
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:43,660
- Oh, yeah. Goodnight.
376
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,960
- Yeah.
- Oh, and Holly.
377
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,040
- Yep?
378
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:52,420
- Say "Hi" to Tim for me.
Crying eyes just for you
379
00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:53,630
- Yeah.
380
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:54,720
Sure, Bob.
381
00:16:55,550 --> 00:16:57,640
I'll tell him, "Hello."
382
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:04,480
Still got crying eyes for you
383
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,440
Still got crying eyes for you
384
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,650
'Cause I've got crying eyes for you
385
00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:10,730
- Wingman.
386
00:17:12,070 --> 00:17:13,860
What have I got to lose?
387
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:17,030
Still got crying eyes for you
388
00:17:17,110 --> 00:17:21,490
Still got crying eyes for you
389
00:17:24,790 --> 00:17:27,960
Sh-doop, sh-doo
390
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,170
Sh-doop, sh-doo
391
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:34,010
Sh-doop, sh-doo
392
00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:36,010
Oh
393
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,010
Ow!
394
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,560
- Hey, Numbfuck!
- What the?
395
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:45,980
- Over here.
396
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:48,650
- Ah.
397
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,190
Was that really necessary?
398
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:53,030
- How you doing, partner?
399
00:17:53,110 --> 00:17:54,690
Turk Thompson.
400
00:17:54,780 --> 00:17:55,820
Wingman.
- Hey.
401
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:58,660
Bob Erdman, junior executive at the-
402
00:17:58,740 --> 00:18:00,780
- Yeah, yeah, I know who you are.
403
00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:03,160
- You do?
- Drink up.
404
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,580
Got ya a Coke.
405
00:18:05,790 --> 00:18:07,750
Oh, that's awfully kind of you, thank you.
406
00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:10,710
- Now, how many, uh,
407
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,040
women you've been with?
408
00:18:13,170 --> 00:18:14,630
One.
409
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,220
- Are you cereal?
410
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,560
- Yeah, but I mean, she was the love of my life.
411
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:26,560
And a few months ago-
412
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,140
- Oh, yeah. I saw.
413
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:30,270
And as much as I despise Eddie,
414
00:18:30,350 --> 00:18:32,570
he ran the old shot and shitter perfectly.
415
00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:35,740
Ha, works every time.
416
00:18:35,820 --> 00:18:37,400
- Shot and shitter? I don't understand.
417
00:18:37,490 --> 00:18:40,280
- Yeah, he was buying you shots all night, right?
418
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,450
You were just pounding them down.
419
00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:44,910
And when you're in the shitter puking your guts out,
420
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:48,000
his client is walking away with your girl.
421
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:49,420
- Oh my god!
422
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:50,710
That's exactly what happened.
423
00:18:50,790 --> 00:18:53,210
That's, how did I not?
424
00:18:53,290 --> 00:18:55,420
Am I that stupid?
425
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,590
- Love makes you stupid, kid.
426
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,880
You, uh, sure you want her back again?
427
00:18:59,970 --> 00:19:02,050
Dreams come true
428
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:05,010
Sh-doop, sh-doo
429
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,600
- Thanks, baby lumps.
430
00:19:08,350 --> 00:19:09,440
Leave it to me.
431
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:10,980
We'll get your fiance back.
432
00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:13,230
- Okay, you know what?
433
00:19:13,310 --> 00:19:14,150
I'm in.
434
00:19:14,230 --> 00:19:16,280
I'll drink to that.
435
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:17,740
- First things first.
436
00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:18,780
How big's your cock?
437
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,110
The size of a man's hot dog
438
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,950
tells me just about everything
I need to know about him.
439
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,040
- Hot dog?
440
00:19:28,290 --> 00:19:31,620
- Look, I don't do business with guys with small cocks.
441
00:19:31,710 --> 00:19:33,170
They're too angry.
442
00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:35,090
Now, guys that are too big, on the other hand,
443
00:19:35,170 --> 00:19:37,590
think they know more than me and they don't listen.
444
00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:39,840
And that's when things go wrong!
445
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:48,310
I mean, it makes sense.
446
00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:50,770
- Here's what I need you to do, Broccoli Teeth.
447
00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:54,060
I need you to take these
onion rings down into the john.
448
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:56,400
Stack them on the bald cyclops,
449
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,320
and let me know the count.
450
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,070
- The count? Are you fucking nuts, man?
451
00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:03,490
- Okay, been nice meeting you, kid.
452
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,570
Good luck with everything.
453
00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:07,280
- Oh, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
454
00:20:07,370 --> 00:20:08,490
Just sit down.
455
00:20:08,580 --> 00:20:11,580
Just...
456
00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:13,500
Look, what do you need me to do?
457
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,670
- Stack 'em on Mushroom Mountain.
458
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:18,210
14 is too many,
459
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,720
and under three is a deal breaker.
460
00:20:21,630 --> 00:20:25,010
- I can't just stack onion rings on my,
461
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,010
my cock, man.
462
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,020
Besides, I'm not even.
463
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:31,100
- What?
464
00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:33,520
- Hard.
465
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,020
- You, uh, sure about that, Charlie Candy Cane?
466
00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:38,270
- Am I sure?
467
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:39,820
I think I would know if I have a boner!
468
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,030
Oh!
469
00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:44,200
- Viagra.
470
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,030
I put three of them in your Coke.
471
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,330
I like to get the, uh, technical stuff
472
00:20:48,410 --> 00:20:50,540
out of the way right at the top.
473
00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:52,040
- You're nuts! You're a madman!
474
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,040
This is a huge mistake!
475
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,080
- Calm down, Space Ranger.
476
00:20:56,170 --> 00:20:58,840
We are gonna get your fiance back.
477
00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:01,130
Now, stack 'em!
478
00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:30,330
- What the hell am I doing?
479
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,330
Okay.
480
00:21:35,410 --> 00:21:36,710
Come on, Bob.
481
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:38,630
Oh!
482
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,300
Pervert!
483
00:21:46,380 --> 00:21:47,430
- Asshole.
484
00:21:47,510 --> 00:21:49,760
Should've let 'em cool off first.
485
00:21:54,350 --> 00:21:55,270
Oh!
486
00:21:56,730 --> 00:21:58,560
God!
487
00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:01,070
I got a greasy ring of fire
488
00:22:01,150 --> 00:22:03,440
And it's flaming in my pants
489
00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:05,150
It stings and it burns
490
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,570
Like a nest of army ants
491
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:09,950
- Eight.
- Ha, not bad.
492
00:22:10,030 --> 00:22:14,040
Looks like we, uh, we got ourselves a deal.
493
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:15,250
- Do you think we can maybe stop
494
00:22:15,330 --> 00:22:17,830
and, like, get some ice or something?
495
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,920
- Only thing that's gonna work for that is Slurpee anal.
496
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,920
- Slurpee anal?
497
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:24,760
- Yeah.
498
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,420
Large Slurpee, lid,
499
00:22:27,510 --> 00:22:29,050
flip it upside down.
500
00:22:31,010 --> 00:22:34,810
Cut in an asshole, put it back on your lap.
501
00:22:34,890 --> 00:22:38,810
And stuff it like a taxidermist
stuffing a dead bobcat.
502
00:22:40,060 --> 00:22:43,070
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
503
00:22:46,030 --> 00:22:47,570
Don't go fall in love
504
00:22:47,650 --> 00:22:49,490
If you can't take the heat
505
00:22:49,570 --> 00:22:51,870
I got a greasy ring of fire
506
00:22:51,950 --> 00:22:54,160
And it's burning so damn hot
507
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,200
I thank the Lord above
508
00:22:56,290 --> 00:22:58,000
That I don't gotta squat
509
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:01,250
- What is that?
510
00:23:01,330 --> 00:23:03,500
Is that Raspberry Sunblast?
511
00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:05,340
- Uh, no, this is Goofy Grape.
512
00:23:05,420 --> 00:23:07,300
- Oh, that's gonna stain.
513
00:23:07,380 --> 00:23:08,300
- What?
- Yeah.
514
00:23:08,380 --> 00:23:10,180
You're gonna have Smurf cock.
515
00:23:10,260 --> 00:23:12,340
- Smurf cock? Jesus Christ!
516
00:23:12,430 --> 00:23:15,430
Look, maybe this whole thing was just a bad idea.
517
00:23:16,180 --> 00:23:17,770
- Listen, Forehead Face.
518
00:23:17,850 --> 00:23:21,900
I take my job very seriously
and I ain't lost a client yet.
519
00:23:23,020 --> 00:23:24,730
We are gonna get you laid,
520
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:27,110
and then we're gonna get your fiance back.
521
00:23:28,150 --> 00:23:29,860
- What if she doesn't want me back? What if-
522
00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:36,120
- She will want you back!
523
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:40,460
One grand up front and the rest when we finish.
524
00:23:42,710 --> 00:23:43,960
- Deal. Deal.
525
00:23:50,590 --> 00:23:52,300
I gotta say, Turk.
526
00:23:52,380 --> 00:23:54,550
This car's a bit of a throwback.
527
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,930
You don't see these around much anymore.
528
00:23:57,010 --> 00:23:59,180
- That's 'cause most people can't handle 'em.
529
00:23:59,270 --> 00:24:01,480
Only someone who understands speed
530
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,690
can drive the orgasm-mobile.
531
00:24:04,980 --> 00:24:06,520
- Orgasm-mobile?
532
00:24:06,610 --> 00:24:11,570
Yep, and that's her G-spot right there.
533
00:24:12,950 --> 00:24:14,530
You touch her just right.
534
00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:16,660
Whisper sweet nothings in her ear.
535
00:24:17,910 --> 00:24:21,830
And there ain't a car alive
that can catch her!
536
00:24:21,910 --> 00:24:23,330
Oh, what's that, baby, hm?
537
00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:25,380
Oh, mm, oh yeah.
538
00:24:25,460 --> 00:24:26,710
Mm, Daddy hears ya.
539
00:24:26,790 --> 00:24:28,130
Mmm.
540
00:24:28,210 --> 00:24:31,010
Like a bit of that Cajun blackened catfish,
541
00:24:31,090 --> 00:24:32,260
Honey Child?
542
00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:35,430
Oh, Daddy gon touch you tonight, Baby Love.
543
00:24:35,510 --> 00:24:37,760
Mm, oh, yeah.
544
00:24:37,850 --> 00:24:39,810
Oh, baby.
545
00:24:42,060 --> 00:24:43,690
- Turk, Turk, but...
- Shut up!
546
00:24:43,770 --> 00:24:46,900
Ee, I'm in the middle of cunnilingus!
547
00:24:46,980 --> 00:24:50,440
That's right, oh, oh, like a piece of bubble gum
548
00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:52,110
under a school boy's desk.
549
00:24:52,190 --> 00:24:53,200
Mmm.
550
00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:55,200
Mm, Baby Love.
551
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,780
Mm, Daddy got the Cajun catfish finger, Baby Love.
552
00:24:58,870 --> 00:25:01,790
- That's, look, Turk.
- Yeah, shut up.
553
00:25:01,870 --> 00:25:05,330
Mm.
554
00:25:05,420 --> 00:25:06,630
Oh.
555
00:25:08,380 --> 00:25:09,840
Little Puffy Puff.
556
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:12,300
- Turk, Turk, listen.
- Puffy, Puffy, Puffy Puff.
557
00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:14,470
- Turk, Turk, listen!
558
00:25:14,550 --> 00:25:16,140
I'm already late for a meeting!
559
00:25:16,220 --> 00:25:17,890
- Late?
- Yeah.
560
00:25:17,970 --> 00:25:19,600
- Are you fucking cereal?
561
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,470
A wingman's never late!
562
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,310
Hold on, Onion Rings!
563
00:25:24,390 --> 00:25:25,520
Whoa!
564
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:26,770
- Ah!
565
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:30,440
Oh!
566
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,990
Hey, hey, hey
567
00:25:38,070 --> 00:25:40,700
Hey, hey, hey
568
00:25:40,780 --> 00:25:42,700
Hey, hey, hey
569
00:25:42,790 --> 00:25:45,960
Hey, hey, hey
570
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,830
Hey, hey, hey
- Ah!
571
00:25:53,090 --> 00:25:56,180
Oh!
572
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:04,020
How in the hell did you do that?
573
00:26:04,100 --> 00:26:06,440
- I make my own special fuel, kid.
574
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,690
Yeah, even installed an extra tank.
575
00:26:09,770 --> 00:26:12,860
This shit's stronger than nitrous oxide,
576
00:26:12,940 --> 00:26:15,690
but it only lasts about as long as a human orgasm
577
00:26:15,780 --> 00:26:19,660
so you can only use it in real emergencies.
578
00:26:19,740 --> 00:26:21,740
- You make your own gasoline?
579
00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:24,450
So what, now you're an expert in women and cars?
580
00:26:25,450 --> 00:26:27,710
- Well, they're pretty much the same thing.
581
00:26:27,790 --> 00:26:29,370
Keep 'em lubed, you,
582
00:26:29,460 --> 00:26:30,540
you ride 'em fast,
583
00:26:30,630 --> 00:26:32,000
and you trade 'em in
584
00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:35,130
before there's too many cracks in the upholstery.
585
00:26:36,510 --> 00:26:39,800
You, uh, you better get to work, kid.
586
00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:43,350
Yeah.
587
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:57,530
It was crazy, man, you wouldn't believe it.
588
00:26:57,610 --> 00:26:58,900
- You gotta hire him, bro.
589
00:26:58,990 --> 00:27:00,660
You got nothing to lose.
590
00:27:00,740 --> 00:27:03,410
- This guy's more of a wing nut than a wingman.
591
00:27:03,490 --> 00:27:05,330
- Look, if you want Terri back and he can help,
592
00:27:05,410 --> 00:27:07,580
then who cares, right?
593
00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:09,460
- I guess.
- I'll research him.
594
00:27:09,540 --> 00:27:10,670
I'll Google his ass big time
595
00:27:10,750 --> 00:27:12,460
until I know everything about him.
596
00:27:12,540 --> 00:27:13,420
- You're the man, Skip.
597
00:27:20,090 --> 00:27:21,430
- This is Bob.
598
00:27:21,510 --> 00:27:25,600
- Tonight, eight o'clock at the Grand.
599
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,390
Nice shirt and tie, Choir Boy.
600
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,390
What'd you do, rob a trailer park?
601
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,450
I still see you.
602
00:27:40,530 --> 00:27:42,320
Coffee stains.
603
00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:46,290
Fly's open.
604
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:51,420
Sweet freckled lasagna.
605
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,290
- Hmm?
606
00:27:55,380 --> 00:27:57,550
I like a pop of red, but I don't know with this outfit.
607
00:27:57,630 --> 00:28:00,300
Maybe it's this one?
608
00:28:00,380 --> 00:28:02,470
- Uh, yeah, I don't know, I trust you.
609
00:28:02,550 --> 00:28:05,220
I always let Terri pick up my clothes for me, so.
610
00:28:06,310 --> 00:28:08,220
- And why is that?
611
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,310
- Well, you're my assistant.
612
00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:12,690
You know how busy I am.
613
00:28:12,770 --> 00:28:14,980
I feel like shopping's just this big time waster.
614
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,740
- Sometimes the time wasters
are the most important things
615
00:28:20,820 --> 00:28:22,280
in a relationship, Bob.
616
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:24,660
- Oh, so you're telling me
617
00:28:24,740 --> 00:28:26,870
if I had helped her pick out
the candles for our wedding,
618
00:28:26,950 --> 00:28:29,120
then maybe she would've stayed, hmm.
619
00:28:30,790 --> 00:28:32,120
- You'd be surprised.
620
00:28:35,460 --> 00:28:37,040
It's the little things, Bob.
621
00:28:38,420 --> 00:28:39,800
The special things.
622
00:28:43,550 --> 00:28:46,720
It's such a mystery
623
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,850
- Yeah, we had special things.
624
00:28:48,930 --> 00:28:50,770
We like had,
625
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:55,600
in the mornings,
626
00:28:55,690 --> 00:28:57,560
I used to, uh, call her my morning bird
627
00:28:57,650 --> 00:29:00,070
and I would whistle sweet nothings into her ear,
628
00:29:00,150 --> 00:29:01,570
a little something like...
629
00:29:13,250 --> 00:29:15,420
- Caw! Caw!
630
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,920
- I used to do crow calls as a little girl, so.
631
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:20,550
- I love that.
- Mhmm.
632
00:29:21,210 --> 00:29:22,590
- I didn't know that.
633
00:29:26,260 --> 00:29:27,840
Holy shit, it's Terri.
634
00:29:33,350 --> 00:29:34,270
- Passion!
635
00:29:34,350 --> 00:29:35,350
- Ooh.
636
00:29:36,190 --> 00:29:37,270
Obsession!
637
00:29:37,350 --> 00:29:39,270
- Mm, a squirter.
638
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:40,110
- Mm.
639
00:29:40,190 --> 00:29:41,360
- That's him.
640
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:42,730
That's the guy that stole Terri from me.
641
00:29:42,820 --> 00:29:44,650
- Poison.
- Seduction.
642
00:29:44,740 --> 00:29:46,070
- Ooh!
643
00:29:46,150 --> 00:29:47,360
J-Lo.
- Oh.
644
00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:49,990
- Mmm.
645
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,330
- Killer, it smells killer.
646
00:29:51,410 --> 00:29:52,660
- Oh, look what they're wearing.
647
00:29:52,740 --> 00:29:53,500
They're matching.
648
00:29:55,620 --> 00:29:56,830
- Yeah, it's almost like
649
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:58,880
they might have gone shopping together
650
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,000
or, as you would say, a time-waster.
651
00:30:01,090 --> 00:30:02,590
- Mm.
652
00:30:02,670 --> 00:30:03,670
Ooh!
653
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:06,430
Come to Me.
- Ooh.
654
00:30:06,510 --> 00:30:08,470
- Does that smell like come to you?
655
00:30:08,550 --> 00:30:10,760
- Ooh, yes.
656
00:30:12,350 --> 00:30:13,720
- Give me all your Come.
657
00:30:13,810 --> 00:30:15,770
I need you to come to me so I can get the Come to Me,
658
00:30:15,850 --> 00:30:18,020
and we can go once we get all the Come.
659
00:30:18,100 --> 00:30:19,150
I'll be right back, darling.
660
00:30:19,230 --> 00:30:20,690
- Okay!
- Can you gift wrap the Come?
661
00:30:20,770 --> 00:30:22,610
- Oh, he's leaving, he's leaving.
662
00:30:22,690 --> 00:30:23,780
- Shouldn't...
- I gotta go.
663
00:30:23,860 --> 00:30:25,940
Shh, Holly!
- Shouldn't, oh my god.
664
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,120
- So you left me for this clown?
665
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,450
- Bob, what are you doing here?
666
00:30:33,540 --> 00:30:34,830
- I can't believe you, Terri.
667
00:30:34,910 --> 00:30:36,250
You're gonna walk away from a good thing
668
00:30:36,330 --> 00:30:37,580
for a guy that likes perfume?
669
00:30:37,660 --> 00:30:39,000
What are you doing?
670
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:40,330
- This isn't the time.
671
00:30:43,380 --> 00:30:44,840
- Oh, now's not the time?
672
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,760
But walking out on our wedding
a week before it happens,
673
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:47,760
that's the time?
674
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,050
Is that how you like to do it?
675
00:30:49,130 --> 00:30:50,050
- You know, I didn't just walk out, Bob.
676
00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:51,800
It was a long-time coming.
677
00:30:56,980 --> 00:30:57,890
- What do you mean a long time coming?
678
00:30:57,980 --> 00:30:58,980
We were happy!
679
00:30:59,060 --> 00:31:00,310
- Really?
- Yeah!
680
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,440
You weren't?
681
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:02,690
You weren't...
- No.
682
00:31:02,770 --> 00:31:04,110
- Well, I had no idea you were unhappy!
683
00:31:04,190 --> 00:31:05,190
- Exactly.
684
00:31:05,980 --> 00:31:06,990
- But you're my morning bird.
685
00:31:07,070 --> 00:31:07,990
Remember?
686
00:31:13,740 --> 00:31:15,160
- I have to go.
687
00:31:16,700 --> 00:31:18,460
- Well, okay, then I have to go, too.
688
00:31:18,540 --> 00:31:21,330
You know, you're not the only one with hookups, okay?
689
00:31:21,420 --> 00:31:22,670
I got a lot of girls.
690
00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:24,920
So many girls, I had to ice my dick the other day.
691
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,130
And your man's not the only one that can grab a perfume.
692
00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,630
Ooh, Come to Me by Ron Jeremy.
693
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:31,840
It's so hard.
694
00:31:31,930 --> 00:31:32,680
Look, oh.
695
00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:35,180
Ah, I got Come in my eyes!
- I've heard enough.
696
00:31:35,260 --> 00:31:37,810
- There's Come! Ugh!
- Bob.
697
00:31:37,890 --> 00:31:39,560
- Terri, listen, okay?
698
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,100
It's the little things, you know.
699
00:31:41,190 --> 00:31:42,270
- It's the...
- Hey.
700
00:31:42,350 --> 00:31:43,360
- Oh.
- Yeah, not Terri.
701
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,610
- Mhmm.
- Let's put this back.
702
00:31:47,570 --> 00:31:48,650
Love stinks, Bob.
703
00:31:49,780 --> 00:31:50,570
Sorry!
704
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:56,790
- Have you been crying?
705
00:31:58,950 --> 00:32:00,460
You smell like my aunt.
706
00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:03,670
Is that Come to Me?
707
00:32:04,580 --> 00:32:06,880
- No, it's allergies.
708
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:10,130
- Oh, well, I hope you ain't allergic to hotties.
709
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:12,430
Take a look at the boofay tonight.
710
00:32:12,510 --> 00:32:15,390
Go ahead, pick one out.
711
00:32:15,470 --> 00:32:16,220
- Pick one out?
712
00:32:16,300 --> 00:32:17,970
It's not that easy.
713
00:32:18,060 --> 00:32:19,220
- Come on.
714
00:32:19,310 --> 00:32:22,100
- What makes you such an expert on women anyways?
715
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,570
Power of the Pussy.
716
00:32:27,770 --> 00:32:30,360
Did you get that in like a gumball machine?
717
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,070
- Well, scoff if you will, one-timer,
718
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:37,080
but pussy rules the universe.
719
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,620
- More like money rules the universe.
720
00:32:39,700 --> 00:32:41,250
- Oh, come on, man.
721
00:32:41,330 --> 00:32:43,670
Everything men do is because of the pussy.
722
00:32:44,670 --> 00:32:46,920
You think they want fame, power, money,
723
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,090
just for the sake of it?
724
00:32:48,170 --> 00:32:49,380
Shit, no!
725
00:32:49,460 --> 00:32:52,880
They know that all that crap leads to pussy.
726
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,220
- You know, we evolved from cavemen
727
00:32:56,300 --> 00:32:59,470
like thousands and thousands of years ago, right?
728
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,520
- Well, can't ignore your primality.
729
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,190
- It's not a word.
730
00:33:04,270 --> 00:33:05,650
- See anything you like?
731
00:33:07,940 --> 00:33:09,400
- She's beautiful.
732
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:15,160
- Look, have you seen that Julia Roberts movie?
733
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,120
"Eat, Pray, Love."
734
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,280
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
735
00:33:19,370 --> 00:33:21,200
Well, now you're looking at the sequel,
736
00:33:21,290 --> 00:33:23,580
"Eat, Eat, Eat."
737
00:33:23,660 --> 00:33:26,790
Come on, man, I have a reputation to uphold!
738
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:28,960
- Come on, she seems...
739
00:33:34,550 --> 00:33:37,800
- Oh.
- Mother of all Manatees.
740
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,640
Mmm.
741
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,480
Yep, uh, blonde at the booth.
742
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:45,640
She's beautiful.
743
00:33:45,730 --> 00:33:46,810
- Oh.
744
00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:48,270
Binjo!
745
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,110
Like, I wasn't that drunk.
746
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:55,570
- Hello, ladies.
747
00:33:57,070 --> 00:33:59,700
Didn't expect to see anyone
sitting in our koala booth,
748
00:33:59,780 --> 00:34:02,240
but hey, it happens.
749
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:04,250
- Koala booth?
750
00:34:04,330 --> 00:34:06,460
- Yeah, you know, donated by the zoo.
751
00:34:06,540 --> 00:34:09,290
Kind of like a, like a hospital wing, ha.
752
00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:12,750
Everybody knows about the, uh, the koala booth.
753
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:17,260
- Wait, you're from the zoo and work with koalas?
754
00:34:19,340 --> 00:34:20,760
Oh my god.
755
00:34:20,850 --> 00:34:22,060
Here, sit down.
756
00:34:22,140 --> 00:34:24,060
We didn't mean to take your booth.
757
00:34:25,020 --> 00:34:28,770
Well, don't mind if we poo.
758
00:34:32,860 --> 00:34:34,860
- Oh my god, so koalas.
759
00:34:34,940 --> 00:34:36,070
What are they like?
760
00:34:36,150 --> 00:34:39,110
- Oh, they're the cutest little fuckers ever.
761
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:42,330
Like, little hairy Italian babies.
762
00:34:43,240 --> 00:34:44,870
- You get to hold them?
763
00:34:44,950 --> 00:34:46,620
- Oh, of course.
764
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:49,540
Say hello to Butterbuns.
765
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,300
One of the only albino koalas on the whole planet.
766
00:34:54,380 --> 00:34:57,550
Aw! So white.
767
00:34:57,630 --> 00:34:59,550
- White like a bleached asshole
768
00:34:59,630 --> 00:35:03,560
staring you in the eye on a moonless night at a Motel 6.
769
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,220
- I love a bleached asshole.
770
00:35:06,310 --> 00:35:08,730
- You have a koala, for Christ's sake?
771
00:35:08,810 --> 00:35:10,350
Aw.
772
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,320
- I keep a bottle of eucalyptus juice in the glove box.
773
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,150
Just spray it all over her.
774
00:35:16,230 --> 00:35:18,150
That little white bastard will cling to her
775
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:21,820
like a dingleberry on a truck driver's ass hair.
776
00:35:21,910 --> 00:35:24,990
- Aw.
- Aw, I wanna hold him.
777
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:26,290
- Well, you know, they don't do well
778
00:35:26,370 --> 00:35:29,250
with all the, uh, the noise and the commotion.
779
00:35:29,330 --> 00:35:33,080
So, uh, listen, why don't you take her down to the car
780
00:35:33,170 --> 00:35:35,500
and show her little Butterbuns, Bob?
781
00:35:37,010 --> 00:35:38,510
- Oh my god, really?
782
00:35:38,590 --> 00:35:39,970
- Let's go.
783
00:35:40,050 --> 00:35:41,970
Oh, okay.
784
00:35:42,050 --> 00:35:43,050
Oh my god!
785
00:35:45,220 --> 00:35:47,890
- Ah, isn't he cute?
- Oh, yeah.
786
00:35:47,970 --> 00:35:49,890
- White, fluffy.
787
00:35:49,980 --> 00:35:54,110
Like a tampon that's been
left out in the rain.
788
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:01,490
- Yes, okay.
789
00:36:03,530 --> 00:36:05,620
- When can I meet the koala?
790
00:36:05,700 --> 00:36:07,290
- The, uh, koa, yeah!
791
00:36:07,370 --> 00:36:09,200
The, um, right.
792
00:36:09,290 --> 00:36:11,870
- Is he fucking over here?
- Oh, yeah!
793
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,210
- This should get him out.
794
00:36:16,670 --> 00:36:17,710
- Oh, yeah.
795
00:36:20,510 --> 00:36:21,510
- Whew!
796
00:36:22,510 --> 00:36:24,010
- While we're waiting,
797
00:36:24,090 --> 00:36:25,720
let's see if I can get the python
798
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,890
to come out of the reptile house, Mr. Zookeeper.
799
00:36:28,970 --> 00:36:30,810
- Oh, that's me.
- Oh, yeah.
800
00:36:30,890 --> 00:36:32,940
You got some venom down there for Mommy?
801
00:36:33,020 --> 00:36:34,650
- I don't know.
- Oh, yeah!
802
00:36:34,730 --> 00:36:35,610
A big python.
803
00:36:35,690 --> 00:36:38,270
Oh my god! It's purple!
804
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:39,150
- Oh my god!
805
00:36:39,230 --> 00:36:43,990
Ah!
806
00:36:44,070 --> 00:36:44,820
Ah!
807
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:47,280
- Oh my god!
808
00:36:52,290 --> 00:36:53,330
I don't know what to do!
809
00:36:57,130 --> 00:36:58,170
No!
810
00:36:59,420 --> 00:37:00,340
Help! Please!
811
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:05,180
Butterbuns! Down!
812
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,010
Oh!
813
00:37:10,390 --> 00:37:11,140
Stop!
814
00:37:12,930 --> 00:37:14,270
He's fucking her face!
815
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:16,190
Koala rape!
816
00:37:17,940 --> 00:37:18,820
Koala fucking!
817
00:37:20,610 --> 00:37:21,610
Please! Help!
818
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:24,610
- Wait. What the hell?
819
00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:26,360
She screamed?
- Yeah.
820
00:37:27,910 --> 00:37:29,530
My cock is purple, Turk.
821
00:37:29,620 --> 00:37:33,250
Don't you remember the goofy
grape Slurpee idea you had?
822
00:37:33,330 --> 00:37:35,370
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
823
00:37:35,460 --> 00:37:37,920
You're telling me you still have Smurf cock?
824
00:37:38,630 --> 00:37:40,040
- Yeah.
825
00:37:40,130 --> 00:37:42,590
- You didn't, like, douche it in vinegar or something?
826
00:37:42,670 --> 00:37:45,760
- What? Douche it off with vinegar?
827
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,720
No, more like why did I let you convince me
828
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:51,850
to put onion rings on my dick in the first place?
829
00:37:53,850 --> 00:37:54,810
It's not funny, Turk.
830
00:38:05,900 --> 00:38:08,240
It is kind of funny if you think about it.
831
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,420
- Hey, I got a box of donuts in the back.
832
00:38:17,500 --> 00:38:18,420
You wanna try those?
833
00:38:23,170 --> 00:38:25,920
- I got, like, second-degree burns on my dick.
834
00:38:26,010 --> 00:38:28,340
It's like a deep-fried totem pole.
835
00:38:28,430 --> 00:38:32,140
Yeah!
836
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:39,150
Where do you come up with this shit?
837
00:38:39,230 --> 00:38:41,270
I mean, albino koalas?
838
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,820
- Hey, it's what I do, junior.
839
00:38:44,900 --> 00:38:46,360
It's my job.
840
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:49,360
- Well, you're damn good at it, I gotta tell you that.
841
00:38:49,450 --> 00:38:51,700
I gotta ask, why? All this, why?
842
00:38:51,780 --> 00:38:53,030
I mean, you're a fully grown adult
843
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:55,700
and yet you do this for a living?
844
00:38:55,790 --> 00:38:57,080
What am I missing here?
845
00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:58,460
Not that there's anything wrong with what you do,
846
00:38:58,540 --> 00:39:00,880
it's just, like, I don't know, come on.
847
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,670
It's not like they teach wingman classes at DeVry.
848
00:39:03,750 --> 00:39:06,340
Fail, you know?
849
00:39:06,420 --> 00:39:07,260
- Hey!
850
00:39:13,930 --> 00:39:16,980
Failing's for guys that don't
complete their missions.
851
00:39:17,060 --> 00:39:20,400
I will complete my mission,
852
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:24,730
so don't ever say fail to me again, ever!
853
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,400
- Relax, Turk, I was just asking.
854
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:30,780
- Yeah, okay.
855
00:39:30,860 --> 00:39:31,870
Listen,
856
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:34,910
we're here to get you laid.
857
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,120
Not talk about my personal life.
858
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:41,830
- Okay, understood.
859
00:39:46,750 --> 00:39:48,920
Oh, and Turk.
- Yeah.
860
00:39:49,010 --> 00:39:51,090
- Sorry about losing Butterbuns.
861
00:39:51,180 --> 00:39:55,100
- Don't worry, he always comes home to Daddy.
862
00:39:56,260 --> 00:39:58,020
Shorty's Sports Bar,
863
00:39:58,100 --> 00:40:00,600
tomorrow, after work.
864
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:02,400
Got it.
865
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,660
- Come on, there's gotta be something on this guy.
866
00:40:13,530 --> 00:40:17,870
Turk Thompson.
867
00:40:17,950 --> 00:40:19,330
- What are you doing, baby?
868
00:40:19,410 --> 00:40:21,370
It's late, come to bed.
869
00:40:22,170 --> 00:40:24,710
- You ever hear of a wingman, baby?
870
00:40:24,790 --> 00:40:26,130
- Yeah, of course.
871
00:40:26,210 --> 00:40:27,840
- You have?
- Sure.
872
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:29,380
I have an uncle that's a wingman.
873
00:40:29,460 --> 00:40:32,880
- Can I meet him?
- Yes, anything.
874
00:40:33,970 --> 00:40:34,930
Just come to bed.
875
00:40:42,230 --> 00:40:44,850
Mmm.
876
00:40:51,570 --> 00:40:54,490
- I didn't know hot women came to sports bars.
877
00:40:54,570 --> 00:40:56,620
- Oh yeah, they like to hunt here.
878
00:40:57,780 --> 00:41:00,240
You, uh, you enjoying the dip?
879
00:41:02,250 --> 00:41:04,710
- Oh yeah, it's a little gooey, but-
880
00:41:04,790 --> 00:41:07,250
- Yeah, 'cause that's my hair gel.
881
00:41:10,420 --> 00:41:12,420
Okay now, let's see.
882
00:41:12,510 --> 00:41:15,050
No, that one's got a crooked leg.
883
00:41:15,130 --> 00:41:17,260
Maybe you, not that one.
884
00:41:18,350 --> 00:41:19,760
- You know, I've been meaning to ask you, Turk.
885
00:41:19,850 --> 00:41:21,810
You clearly have all these women figured out.
886
00:41:21,890 --> 00:41:23,060
How are you with the ladies?
887
00:41:23,140 --> 00:41:25,440
You must have like a million girlfriends.
888
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,400
- No, I keep it simple.
889
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:30,480
Just one, you, uh, you wanna meet her?
890
00:41:31,690 --> 00:41:33,190
- Sure, yeah.
891
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,280
Is she here?
892
00:41:35,450 --> 00:41:37,120
- Say hello to Betty.
893
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,450
- Oh, what the hell is that?
894
00:41:39,530 --> 00:41:40,830
- Betty, this is Bob.
895
00:41:40,910 --> 00:41:42,160
Bob, this is Betty.
896
00:41:42,250 --> 00:41:44,620
- Turk, please, people are eating.
897
00:41:44,710 --> 00:41:47,250
- Listen, kid, she's the perfect girl.
898
00:41:47,330 --> 00:41:48,790
She doesn't need to go to dinner.
899
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:50,670
She doesn't need to go shopping.
900
00:41:50,750 --> 00:41:52,260
She, uh,
901
00:41:52,340 --> 00:41:53,880
keeps me satisfied.
902
00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:54,970
- What, do you just carry that thing
903
00:41:55,050 --> 00:41:56,630
around with you all the time?
904
00:41:56,720 --> 00:42:01,100
- Listen, kid, the vagina's like a magic amulet,
905
00:42:01,180 --> 00:42:02,810
turns men into zombies.
906
00:42:02,890 --> 00:42:07,310
Yeah, wherever it goes, they go.
907
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,940
Power of the pussy, baby.
908
00:42:11,020 --> 00:42:14,570
No man can resist.
- What the?
909
00:42:17,410 --> 00:42:19,910
- Dog rescue reject coming in hard.
910
00:42:20,910 --> 00:42:25,410
Yeah, I see her at every social event in town.
911
00:42:26,410 --> 00:42:28,460
So here's what we're gonna do,
912
00:42:28,540 --> 00:42:32,090
I'll use Betty to take out the jock meatheads
913
00:42:32,170 --> 00:42:34,170
and you go in for the kill.
914
00:42:37,260 --> 00:42:38,840
Excuse me, boys.
915
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,180
Okay.
916
00:42:41,260 --> 00:42:43,220
- Yeah, why don't you watch where you're going, asshole?
917
00:42:43,310 --> 00:42:46,810
- Oh, why don't you watch this, hm?
918
00:42:46,890 --> 00:42:49,100
Come on, boys, come on.
919
00:42:50,940 --> 00:42:52,360
Come on.
920
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:53,270
- Hello.
- Hi.
921
00:42:54,610 --> 00:42:55,530
- How are you?
922
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:14,960
- Hey, what are we doing out here?
923
00:43:15,050 --> 00:43:16,800
Let's kick this old dude's ass!
924
00:43:37,490 --> 00:43:40,450
Hey, wingman, you got time for one more?
925
00:43:44,330 --> 00:43:48,750
- Jesus, there's always one that won't stay down.
926
00:43:57,550 --> 00:43:59,420
Fuck me tender in the night.
927
00:43:59,510 --> 00:44:01,380
- You left your asshat alone in there.
928
00:44:01,470 --> 00:44:04,300
A wingman never leaves his man.
929
00:44:04,390 --> 00:44:07,600
- But I had, I had enemy
combatants coming in on all sides.
930
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,680
There was, 'cause they were, they were all-
931
00:44:30,580 --> 00:44:31,790
- It's really interesting.
932
00:44:31,870 --> 00:44:33,460
- I know.
- Yeah.
933
00:44:33,540 --> 00:44:36,920
- Well, my last dog died.
934
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,130
- Oh no.
- Yeah.
935
00:44:39,210 --> 00:44:41,550
- That's unfortunate.
- I know.
936
00:44:43,550 --> 00:44:47,310
Oh, no, that's so sad.
937
00:44:47,390 --> 00:44:49,600
How did he die, your dog?
938
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:51,600
- Hit by a bus.
- A greyhound?
939
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:55,610
- No, it was a chihuahua.
- Oh.
940
00:44:55,690 --> 00:44:58,150
Yeah.
941
00:44:59,980 --> 00:45:02,650
- Look, you show her tears, she's all yours.
942
00:45:02,740 --> 00:45:05,490
- I can't cry on demand.
943
00:45:05,570 --> 00:45:09,580
- All right, this is gonna
sting, but it will get you tears.
944
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,210
- Ow!
945
00:45:12,290 --> 00:45:15,710
Fuck!
946
00:45:23,090 --> 00:45:24,380
- You.
- Yeah.
947
00:45:25,090 --> 00:45:26,180
- You're crying.
948
00:45:26,260 --> 00:45:27,350
- So sad.
949
00:45:33,270 --> 00:45:34,850
- One sec.
- Yeah.
950
00:45:34,940 --> 00:45:36,730
Oh, no, you don't have-
951
00:45:38,650 --> 00:45:40,150
Oh god.
952
00:45:40,230 --> 00:45:41,650
Oh, mm-mm, mm-mm.
953
00:45:46,570 --> 00:45:49,660
- Is he okay?
- Just emotional.
954
00:45:49,740 --> 00:45:50,740
He, uh,
955
00:45:50,830 --> 00:45:52,200
he also had a chihuahua.
- Oh, yeah?
956
00:45:52,290 --> 00:45:55,580
- Died in a horrible lawnmower accident.
957
00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:57,670
Meat everywhere.
- Oh my god.
958
00:45:57,750 --> 00:45:58,920
- Yeah.
959
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,670
You know what the irony is?
- Yeah?
960
00:46:00,750 --> 00:46:03,420
- Dog's name was Taco.
- Taco.
961
00:46:03,510 --> 00:46:05,930
- The little bugeyed, trembly bastard.
962
00:46:06,010 --> 00:46:11,180
Oh my god, Taco?
963
00:46:18,350 --> 00:46:20,020
- Turk, you're awfully quiet.
964
00:46:20,110 --> 00:46:20,940
You okay?
965
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:26,110
Like you've seen a ghost or something.
966
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:32,700
- Yeah, maybe I did.
967
00:46:36,330 --> 00:46:40,380
Doesn't matter, time for new targets.
968
00:46:40,460 --> 00:46:44,010
No more dog ladies, it's time for cats.
969
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:46,590
We're headed to Cougar Country.
970
00:47:10,660 --> 00:47:12,870
Barbara Botox at six o'clock.
971
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:16,910
Let's go.
972
00:47:21,460 --> 00:47:23,420
Hello, Lord Greystoke, uh,
973
00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:25,050
beautiful art, isn't it?
974
00:47:27,050 --> 00:47:29,220
This is Bob, he's an artist.
975
00:47:29,300 --> 00:47:32,140
- It is so sensual.
- Mhmm.
976
00:47:32,220 --> 00:47:35,390
You know, I paint, um-
977
00:47:35,470 --> 00:47:36,520
- Nudes.
978
00:47:38,180 --> 00:47:39,810
- Dog lady at three o'clock.
979
00:47:39,890 --> 00:47:40,810
I told you she's everywhere.
980
00:47:42,350 --> 00:47:43,730
Can't let her see you.
981
00:47:43,810 --> 00:47:45,070
Time to D and D.
982
00:47:45,150 --> 00:47:47,610
Divert. Distract.
983
00:47:53,410 --> 00:47:56,540
- You know, how about I grab us a couple drinks?
984
00:47:56,620 --> 00:48:00,790
No, let me.
985
00:48:07,420 --> 00:48:09,010
- There's nothing there.
986
00:48:09,670 --> 00:48:12,800
- Well, maybe to an albino.
987
00:48:12,890 --> 00:48:15,810
It's like a tampon that's been hit by a steamroller.
988
00:48:15,890 --> 00:48:17,180
Oh.
989
00:48:17,260 --> 00:48:18,520
- Bro, what are you doing here?
990
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,350
- Skip.
- I've been searching the net
991
00:48:20,430 --> 00:48:22,060
for days on your wingman guy,
992
00:48:22,140 --> 00:48:23,270
and I can't find anything.
993
00:48:23,350 --> 00:48:24,270
- Do you think he's on the run?
994
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:25,650
You think he's like a criminal?
995
00:48:25,730 --> 00:48:28,030
- I'm not sure, I might have to go on the dark web.
996
00:48:28,110 --> 00:48:29,570
Megan has an uncle that might be able to help,
997
00:48:29,650 --> 00:48:31,150
so I'll set up a lunch meeting.
998
00:48:31,240 --> 00:48:32,570
- Okay, got it.
999
00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:33,570
- Nice suit.
1000
00:48:37,870 --> 00:48:39,540
I like old.
1001
00:48:39,620 --> 00:48:41,000
Well.
1002
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:43,370
So do ghosts.
1003
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,380
- I give you nothing.
1004
00:48:51,630 --> 00:48:55,550
We are all nothing.
1005
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:58,510
You are nothing.
1006
00:48:59,390 --> 00:49:01,020
I am
1007
00:49:02,100 --> 00:49:02,980
nothing.
1008
00:49:07,230 --> 00:49:08,400
- Oh.
1009
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:13,400
So what do you think of the art?
1010
00:49:15,030 --> 00:49:17,280
- It is all in the mind, people.
1011
00:49:17,370 --> 00:49:19,660
We are all but fragments.
1012
00:49:20,490 --> 00:49:24,170
For what is a man with no legs?
1013
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:28,340
What is a woman with one arm?
1014
00:49:29,590 --> 00:49:33,470
- A 50/50 shot at a hand job where I come from?
1015
00:49:49,190 --> 00:49:53,780
- What you're saying is everything is nothing.
1016
00:49:54,570 --> 00:49:56,110
- Exactly.
1017
00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:59,030
You see, am I petting this dog?
1018
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:00,120
- Yeah.
1019
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:01,830
- Or am I petting nothing?
1020
00:50:02,700 --> 00:50:05,960
Am I touching this man's face?
1021
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:07,670
Or am I touching nothing?
1022
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:12,460
Am I holding this furried animal?
1023
00:50:13,510 --> 00:50:15,090
Or am I holding nothing?
1024
00:50:17,090 --> 00:50:18,180
Ladies and gentlemen,
1025
00:50:18,260 --> 00:50:21,470
I give to you nothing!
1026
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:24,270
Here's something!
1027
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,520
- Know anywhere quiet we could go?
1028
00:50:48,170 --> 00:50:51,000
- I have to warn you, my place is a bit of a disaster area.
1029
00:50:51,090 --> 00:50:52,420
Had I known you were coming I-
1030
00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:56,840
- Well, if this is messy,
1031
00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:58,630
I'd love to see what clean looks like.
1032
00:50:58,720 --> 00:50:59,510
- Yeah, right.
1033
00:50:59,590 --> 00:51:03,600
- Mm.
- Oh, okay.
1034
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:05,350
- Come on.
- Oh, uh,
1035
00:51:05,430 --> 00:51:07,430
well, why don't you make yourself comfortable.
1036
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:08,890
I'll get us some drinks.
1037
00:51:10,230 --> 00:51:12,270
"Hey, Bob, here's all the work
1038
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:14,190
for your presentation.
1039
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:16,360
I hope you don't mind, I straightened up a little.
1040
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:19,610
P.S. Watch out for the rat traps, Holly."
1041
00:51:19,700 --> 00:51:22,620
Ooh, sexy lady
1042
00:51:23,330 --> 00:51:24,540
- So I-
1043
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:34,380
- Well.
1044
00:51:34,460 --> 00:51:36,380
What took you so long?
1045
00:51:36,460 --> 00:51:40,130
I'm more swollen than cheese puffs in an air fryer.
1046
00:51:43,930 --> 00:51:44,720
- Oh my god.
1047
00:51:47,140 --> 00:51:49,390
Mmm.
1048
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:51,690
Ah.
1049
00:51:51,770 --> 00:51:52,900
Ah.
1050
00:51:52,980 --> 00:51:54,150
You feel good.
1051
00:51:55,650 --> 00:51:56,440
- Oh!
1052
00:51:58,690 --> 00:52:02,530
I, you know, I just think we're moving a little bit fast.
1053
00:52:03,740 --> 00:52:04,700
- Good.
1054
00:52:04,780 --> 00:52:06,580
I like it fast.
1055
00:52:08,250 --> 00:52:10,410
It's party time, Pinky.
1056
00:52:10,500 --> 00:52:13,460
Do that thing that you know how to do
1057
00:52:13,540 --> 00:52:14,340
- Ooh.
1058
00:52:14,420 --> 00:52:15,500
Oh, no, no.
1059
00:52:17,710 --> 00:52:20,510
Ah!
1060
00:52:20,590 --> 00:52:22,590
- You're a very lucky man, Bob.
1061
00:52:24,140 --> 00:52:26,140
No blood vessels have been ruptured.
1062
00:52:27,390 --> 00:52:29,680
- Look, does everyone have to be in here?
1063
00:52:31,060 --> 00:52:36,360
- Though I've never seen such rampant purple bruising.
1064
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:41,200
- Really?
1065
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:56,380
- All right, that was a mild setback.
1066
00:52:56,460 --> 00:52:59,050
We're gonna let the purple-asaurus rest for a night,
1067
00:52:59,130 --> 00:53:01,130
and then we're back on it tomorrow.
1068
00:53:01,220 --> 00:53:03,090
- Yeah.
- Dress real nice.
1069
00:53:03,180 --> 00:53:04,640
We're going for some, uh,
1070
00:53:07,720 --> 00:53:09,140
Wall Street beaver.
1071
00:53:16,770 --> 00:53:18,440
- Wall Street beaver?
1072
00:53:19,610 --> 00:53:22,150
- We'll get your girl back, Onion Rings.
1073
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:23,240
You'll see.
1074
00:53:34,420 --> 00:53:36,670
- Holly, I couldn't believe how clean my place was.
1075
00:53:36,750 --> 00:53:37,670
You didn't have to do that.
1076
00:53:37,750 --> 00:53:39,800
- Yeah, you know, I did.
1077
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:41,960
I was having nightmares about it,
1078
00:53:42,050 --> 00:53:45,800
and I pictured your apartment
getting worse and worse,
1079
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:47,340
and turning into the blob.
1080
00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:51,600
And devouring the whole city.
1081
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:02,280
- What?
1082
00:54:05,950 --> 00:54:08,200
What are you looking at?
1083
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:09,780
- Nothing, no, uh.
1084
00:54:11,830 --> 00:54:13,950
Did you do something different with your hair?
1085
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:15,040
- Yeah.
1086
00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:18,290
I brushed it, you should try it sometime.
1087
00:54:19,590 --> 00:54:21,590
Two days until the presentation, Mister.
1088
00:54:21,670 --> 00:54:23,920
You ready?
- I'm getting there.
1089
00:54:24,010 --> 00:54:26,220
I'm, uh, on it all night.
1090
00:54:26,300 --> 00:54:27,840
Your research as been a big help.
1091
00:54:27,930 --> 00:54:30,680
Thanks, Holly.
- Hey, it's what I do.
1092
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:32,560
- Oh, and Holly.
- Hmm?
1093
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:35,270
- Tell Tim I wanna rematch on "Halo," all right.
1094
00:54:36,810 --> 00:54:37,980
- Yeah, um,
1095
00:54:39,310 --> 00:54:40,940
look, Bob, Tim and I-
1096
00:54:41,020 --> 00:54:43,110
- Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, my man.
1097
00:54:44,650 --> 00:54:46,110
Better join me for lunch, pal.
1098
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:47,990
I got the goods on your wingman.
1099
00:54:48,780 --> 00:54:50,740
License plate panned out.
1100
00:54:52,450 --> 00:54:54,580
What are we doing at an airplane museum?
1101
00:54:54,660 --> 00:54:55,950
We're here to meet a wingman.
1102
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:57,790
Megan's uncle, Corey.
1103
00:54:59,370 --> 00:55:01,080
- Skip, right?
1104
00:55:01,170 --> 00:55:02,170
- Corey.
1105
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:05,260
Oh!
1106
00:55:05,340 --> 00:55:06,760
- You all right, you all right?
1107
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:09,260
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, give me a hand here, Turkey Legs.
1108
00:55:09,340 --> 00:55:11,550
Jesus, ah, let's go on a tour.
1109
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:16,100
The other way, the other way, you goof case.
1110
00:55:16,180 --> 00:55:17,770
All right, let's go, boys.
1111
00:55:17,850 --> 00:55:19,140
- You're not still doing the wingman thing?
1112
00:55:19,230 --> 00:55:20,350
Are you, Uncle Corey?
1113
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:22,060
- Hell no, that's a young man's game.
1114
00:55:22,150 --> 00:55:24,190
- Have you ever heard of a Turk Thompson?
1115
00:55:24,270 --> 00:55:25,150
- He's a wingman.
1116
00:55:25,230 --> 00:55:27,320
- I've never heard of the guy.
1117
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:28,320
Who'd he fly with?
1118
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,030
Is he out of Camp Pendleton?
1119
00:55:30,110 --> 00:55:32,120
- Uh, no, we're talking about like a wingman.
1120
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:36,870
- So am I, Vietnam War, I flew 32 missions over Khe Sanh.
1121
00:55:36,950 --> 00:55:40,120
Some say that the wingman
was the most dangerous role
1122
00:55:40,210 --> 00:55:41,630
in the whole military,
1123
00:55:41,710 --> 00:55:43,670
but I was just doing my job.
1124
00:55:43,750 --> 00:55:45,090
- Uh, listen, when you say wingman,
1125
00:55:45,170 --> 00:55:47,510
what exactly are you, like, referring to though?
1126
00:55:47,590 --> 00:55:50,180
- We flew in pairs, protected the fighter bombers
1127
00:55:50,260 --> 00:55:52,300
so they could carry out the missions!
1128
00:55:53,220 --> 00:55:56,310
A lot of us never came home, bugeyes!
1129
00:55:56,390 --> 00:55:59,430
All right, Tinsel Tits, follow me.
1130
00:56:03,230 --> 00:56:04,400
- What about chicks?
1131
00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:05,900
Did you guys ever pick up chicks at bars?
1132
00:56:05,980 --> 00:56:08,030
- What are you talking about, you pervert?
1133
00:56:08,110 --> 00:56:11,240
Flora and I have been together for 65 years!
1134
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:12,320
Jesus!
1135
00:56:14,870 --> 00:56:17,830
Boys, you wanna go on a bombing run?
1136
00:56:17,910 --> 00:56:19,250
Ha-ha, yeah.
1137
00:56:30,590 --> 00:56:31,590
- Hey, Turk.
1138
00:56:33,890 --> 00:56:35,510
I thought you said to dress up.
1139
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:37,180
- Yeah, and?
1140
00:56:38,930 --> 00:56:40,640
- You look good.
- Look,
1141
00:56:41,690 --> 00:56:43,850
these chicks run with a tough crowd, all right?
1142
00:56:43,940 --> 00:56:46,690
They're smart, most of them have degrees.
1143
00:56:46,770 --> 00:56:48,780
But if you can bag a smart chick,
1144
00:56:48,860 --> 00:56:50,570
you can get just about anyone.
1145
00:56:52,450 --> 00:56:54,870
- Do you have to make it sound so greasy?
1146
00:56:54,950 --> 00:56:56,740
What if I just try being myself?
1147
00:56:57,700 --> 00:56:59,240
- How the hell you gonna do that?
1148
00:56:59,330 --> 00:57:02,660
- I always wanted to go fly fishing with a girl, you know?
1149
00:57:02,750 --> 00:57:04,540
You know, just two people out in the wilderness,
1150
00:57:04,630 --> 00:57:05,460
out in nature?
1151
00:57:05,540 --> 00:57:07,500
No bars, no pickup lines,
1152
00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:10,670
just two people being themselves.
1153
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:11,720
- Ugh.
1154
00:57:17,260 --> 00:57:19,470
Are you freaking cereal right now?
1155
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:21,390
This isn't 1942.
1156
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:23,890
Those kind of girls don't exist anymore.
1157
00:57:24,730 --> 00:57:25,810
Don't be an idiot.
1158
00:57:25,900 --> 00:57:27,190
Pay attention.
1159
00:57:27,270 --> 00:57:30,110
Do as I say, take this.
1160
00:57:33,150 --> 00:57:35,490
- What the hell am I supposed to do with this?
1161
00:57:35,570 --> 00:57:38,740
- Girls in this place are, uh, thinkers.
1162
00:57:38,830 --> 00:57:41,660
They need stimuli to get their juices going.
1163
00:57:42,580 --> 00:57:43,540
Come on.
1164
00:57:45,170 --> 00:57:47,040
There's your mark, let's go.
1165
00:57:50,090 --> 00:57:51,630
- Fossil fuels got us this far.
1166
00:57:51,710 --> 00:57:52,840
I think we're gonna be okay.
1167
00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:54,590
- No, you can't argue with science.
1168
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:56,220
Greenhouse gases are real.
1169
00:57:56,300 --> 00:57:58,720
- Did somebody say gases?
1170
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:07,150
Hey, uh, what's your name, guy?
1171
00:58:07,230 --> 00:58:08,270
- Tim Ryder.
1172
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:09,360
- Ride her?
1173
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:10,900
I barely know her.
1174
00:58:10,980 --> 00:58:13,650
Check it out, I can fart your name.
1175
00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:16,030
Tim Ryder.
1176
00:58:16,110 --> 00:58:17,450
- Hey, do you wanna get some fresh air?
1177
00:58:17,530 --> 00:58:18,620
- Let's get out of here.
- Please.
1178
00:58:18,700 --> 00:58:20,080
Yeah.
- What's the matter with you?
1179
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:22,540
- Hey, where's everybody going?
1180
00:58:22,620 --> 00:58:23,620
- Whew!
1181
00:58:24,870 --> 00:58:26,960
What was up with that guy, amirite?
1182
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:30,250
- Thought he was with you?
- No, sort of.
1183
00:58:31,210 --> 00:58:33,840
- Sort of?
- Not really.
1184
00:58:34,050 --> 00:58:37,220
- Was he or wasn't he?
- Not really.
1185
00:58:38,010 --> 00:58:40,640
- Wow, indecisive and a liar.
1186
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:42,810
Charming first qualities, goodnight.
1187
00:58:42,890 --> 00:58:44,180
- Okay, wait.
1188
00:58:44,270 --> 00:58:47,600
Okay, I admit, I used him as a diversion
1189
00:58:47,690 --> 00:58:49,480
so I could talk to you.
1190
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:50,770
- Farting people's names?
1191
00:58:50,860 --> 00:58:52,110
Oh, that's quite the tactic.
1192
00:58:52,190 --> 00:58:54,070
- Oh, no, that part I didn't know.
1193
00:58:55,860 --> 00:58:59,070
- Okay, so you got me away from everybody.
1194
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:00,410
What's your next move?
1195
00:59:02,030 --> 00:59:03,040
- Move?
1196
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:07,660
- Look, um, what's your name?
1197
00:59:07,750 --> 00:59:08,710
- I'm Bob.
1198
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:11,420
- Bob?
- Yeah.
1199
00:59:13,340 --> 00:59:16,130
- Bob, I've been hit on by everybody
1200
00:59:16,210 --> 00:59:18,010
from doctors to lawyers.
1201
00:59:18,090 --> 00:59:20,800
Okay, I'm not looking for a booty call,
1202
00:59:20,890 --> 00:59:22,930
or a sexting daddy, friends with benefits.
1203
00:59:23,010 --> 00:59:25,930
- Oh no, I, I, I wasn't trying to be like-
1204
00:59:26,020 --> 00:59:29,140
- What? You just wanna get to know me?
1205
00:59:29,230 --> 00:59:31,940
Find out who I really am deep down inside?
1206
00:59:34,270 --> 00:59:35,780
I've heard it all before, Bob.
1207
00:59:35,860 --> 00:59:37,740
Not all women are as stupid and predictable
1208
00:59:37,820 --> 00:59:39,150
as you want them to be.
1209
00:59:39,990 --> 00:59:41,200
- Okay, all right, you know what?
1210
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:43,240
You got me, you're 100% right.
1211
00:59:43,330 --> 00:59:45,700
You want me to be real? Let's be real.
1212
00:59:45,790 --> 00:59:47,160
I came in here tonight with the farting guy
1213
00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:49,250
so I could hit on smart girls like you,
1214
00:59:49,330 --> 00:59:51,040
and I used him as a diversion.
1215
00:59:52,460 --> 00:59:53,500
- A wingman, huh?
1216
00:59:54,500 --> 00:59:57,170
How pathetic are you?
- I'm not pathetic.
1217
00:59:57,260 --> 01:00:00,760
I'm just a little lonely and a little hurt,
1218
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,600
and sure I was trying to get a little action.
1219
01:00:03,680 --> 01:00:05,600
- Oh, and so now you've come clean, I'm what?
1220
01:00:05,680 --> 01:00:07,970
Supposed to like you for it?
1221
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:13,690
To blame, love is just a game
1222
01:00:13,770 --> 01:00:15,650
- Have you ever been fly fishing?
1223
01:00:16,650 --> 01:00:18,690
'Cause I'd love to go fly fishing with you.
1224
01:00:18,780 --> 01:00:21,240
- Fly fishing?
- Yeah.
1225
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:24,240
Wait.
1226
01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:28,620
That has got to be the lamest pickup line ever.
1227
01:00:28,700 --> 01:00:30,580
Wow, fly fishing?
1228
01:00:30,660 --> 01:00:33,080
Oh, oh, oh gee.
1229
01:00:33,170 --> 01:00:34,580
Oh, you got me!
1230
01:00:36,500 --> 01:00:37,380
- Okay, wait.
1231
01:00:39,090 --> 01:00:40,420
I was hoping you could help me with this.
1232
01:00:40,510 --> 01:00:44,220
So you play it all again
1233
01:00:44,300 --> 01:00:47,310
Hmm, nicely played, Bob.
1234
01:00:47,390 --> 01:00:48,180
Drink?
1235
01:00:50,350 --> 01:00:53,350
- The best way to get a smart chick is to-
1236
01:00:53,440 --> 01:00:57,110
- Let her think she's smarter than you.
1237
01:00:59,940 --> 01:01:01,110
- Well, well, well.
1238
01:01:02,030 --> 01:01:04,820
If it isn't the world's sleaziest wingman.
1239
01:01:06,660 --> 01:01:07,660
- The Elk Room.
1240
01:01:08,950 --> 01:01:13,250
Let me guess, the old Rubik's, to get in her pubes, Cube.
1241
01:01:14,330 --> 01:01:15,790
Who's the client?
1242
01:01:15,880 --> 01:01:17,920
- Take a good look, Cow Tits.
1243
01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:23,800
- Suck my sister's leg braces.
1244
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:26,430
I think I know that kid.
- Yeah, you do.
1245
01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:31,140
I'm getting my client, his fiance back, Sea Otter Balls.
1246
01:01:31,220 --> 01:01:32,890
- We'll see about that, Turk.
1247
01:01:44,990 --> 01:01:48,030
- This has been a long time coming.
1248
01:01:53,750 --> 01:01:57,460
When the clock chimes 10:30, we draw.
1249
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:00,590
- Bring it, Cold Slaw Sack.
1250
01:02:59,020 --> 01:03:00,150
- It burns.
1251
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:02,570
It burns.
1252
01:03:17,370 --> 01:03:19,830
- There's two kinds of wingmen, Wingman.
1253
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:22,840
Ones who can take the heat,
1254
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:24,670
and the ones who fail their mission
1255
01:03:24,750 --> 01:03:27,760
and let life slap 'em in the face with its balls.
1256
01:03:48,360 --> 01:03:49,650
- Daddy's home.
1257
01:03:54,870 --> 01:03:56,200
- No.
1258
01:04:04,540 --> 01:04:05,800
Oh, shit.
1259
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:07,010
No. No.
1260
01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:15,010
- Binjo, asshole.
1261
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:18,770
- On the floor now!
1262
01:04:22,150 --> 01:04:25,400
- Hey, hold on, Hawaii Five-O, show's over.
1263
01:04:34,990 --> 01:04:37,200
- Can't believe you know the
guy that helped steal my fiance
1264
01:04:37,290 --> 01:04:39,000
and you didn't say anything!
1265
01:04:39,080 --> 01:04:40,460
- Just get me home, all right?
1266
01:04:40,540 --> 01:04:42,330
And be careful, I've never let anyone else
1267
01:04:42,420 --> 01:04:44,710
drive the orgasm-mobile before.
1268
01:04:44,790 --> 01:04:47,250
Oh yeah?
1269
01:04:47,340 --> 01:04:49,090
- Ah!
1270
01:04:49,170 --> 01:04:49,920
What the hell was that?
1271
01:04:50,010 --> 01:04:51,220
- That was a pothole!
1272
01:04:51,300 --> 01:04:52,680
Oh, look, another one coming up,
1273
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:53,840
so you better start talking.
1274
01:04:53,930 --> 01:04:55,100
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1275
01:04:55,180 --> 01:04:57,310
No more potholes!
- Who is he?
1276
01:04:58,390 --> 01:04:59,560
- All right.
1277
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:03,480
He's a guy just like me, does what I do.
1278
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:05,690
Look, I always have my client's back.
1279
01:05:05,770 --> 01:05:07,190
I always complete the mission.
1280
01:05:07,270 --> 01:05:09,440
- Oh, and you, you really had my back tonight, didn't you?
1281
01:05:09,530 --> 01:05:12,030
I mean, I finally had the perfect girl.
1282
01:05:12,110 --> 01:05:13,660
She was ready to come home and close the deal.
1283
01:05:13,740 --> 01:05:16,370
As stupid as your Rubik's Cube idea was, it worked.
1284
01:05:16,450 --> 01:05:19,540
But then you had to get all "Good, Bad, and Ugly" on us.
1285
01:05:19,620 --> 01:05:22,460
- Now settle down, we still got tomorrow.
1286
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:24,330
Never lost a client yet.
1287
01:05:24,420 --> 01:05:26,790
Just get me home.
1288
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:29,960
You there?
- Of course, I'm here, Turk!
1289
01:05:30,050 --> 01:05:31,630
I'm still driving the car!
1290
01:05:31,710 --> 01:05:32,920
- Well, fucking talk to me!
1291
01:05:33,010 --> 01:05:35,590
What are you, side languaging me over there?
1292
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:37,890
'Cause I can do it too!
- Let's see it.
1293
01:05:39,260 --> 01:05:40,720
- You know what I just said?
- What?
1294
01:05:40,810 --> 01:05:43,390
- "Fuck off," in seven languages!
1295
01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:48,520
There's eight, I just hit you with Chinese.
1296
01:05:48,610 --> 01:05:49,690
- All right, I wanna hear Jamaican.
1297
01:05:49,770 --> 01:05:50,900
It's impressive at this point.
1298
01:05:50,980 --> 01:05:52,900
To Bob-a-rasscrack,
1299
01:05:53,030 --> 01:05:56,780
better fuck off the papparasp, mon.
1300
01:05:57,700 --> 01:05:59,410
Here's one in English, fuck off.
1301
01:05:59,490 --> 01:06:03,660
I'll help you close your eyes
1302
01:06:04,460 --> 01:06:05,540
Bedroom's on the left.
1303
01:06:05,620 --> 01:06:09,340
And forget about to
1304
01:06:09,420 --> 01:06:13,590
- Yep, there you go.
Day
1305
01:06:13,670 --> 01:06:15,090
- Listen, uh,
1306
01:06:15,180 --> 01:06:18,050
go into the kitchen and get me a rag for my eyes.
1307
01:06:19,050 --> 01:06:21,510
And there's a beer and cold cuts in the fridge
1308
01:06:21,600 --> 01:06:23,060
if you need a snack.
1309
01:06:31,520 --> 01:06:34,440
- Nothing, just as I expected.
1310
01:06:37,990 --> 01:06:42,330
Hmm.
1311
01:06:42,410 --> 01:06:43,410
Ice cream?
1312
01:06:44,700 --> 01:06:45,710
Okay.
1313
01:06:49,210 --> 01:06:51,590
Little salty, but that'll do.
1314
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:57,590
- Ah yeah.
1315
01:06:57,680 --> 01:06:58,840
Oh.
1316
01:07:04,890 --> 01:07:06,640
- What the fuck is this, Turk?
1317
01:07:06,730 --> 01:07:08,390
Why is there a photo of you with the slime ball
1318
01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:09,730
from the bar tonight?
1319
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:12,820
- Hey.
1320
01:07:12,900 --> 01:07:14,900
Hey, listen, you know what?
1321
01:07:14,980 --> 01:07:17,240
Why don't we just call tonight a write off, okay?
1322
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:18,990
Look, I, I won't even charge you.
1323
01:07:19,070 --> 01:07:20,160
- Oh, you won't even charge me?
1324
01:07:20,240 --> 01:07:22,160
No, what the fuck is going on, Turk?
1325
01:07:22,240 --> 01:07:23,490
- I trained him.
1326
01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:26,200
- You, you trained the guy
1327
01:07:26,290 --> 01:07:28,000
who stole my fiance?
- Yeah.
1328
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:29,750
- This just keeps getting better.
1329
01:07:29,830 --> 01:07:31,960
- Yeah, look, relax, okay.
1330
01:07:32,040 --> 01:07:34,590
This gig is gonna put him out of business,
1331
01:07:34,670 --> 01:07:37,630
and I'm gonna be the only wingman on the block again.
1332
01:07:37,720 --> 01:07:41,390
- So, you've just been using me to get to this prick?
1333
01:07:41,470 --> 01:07:43,680
Is that what this has all been about?
1334
01:07:43,760 --> 01:07:44,760
- No.
1335
01:07:46,310 --> 01:07:47,600
Don't you see, kid?
1336
01:07:48,270 --> 01:07:49,600
It's about the money.
1337
01:07:51,600 --> 01:07:52,610
- Obviously.
1338
01:07:53,610 --> 01:07:54,690
Asshole.
1339
01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:01,740
Reports have
come in of enemy combatants
1340
01:08:01,820 --> 01:08:05,790
shooting an American jet fighter out of the sky.
1341
01:08:05,870 --> 01:08:07,330
It's our belief
1342
01:08:07,410 --> 01:08:11,540
that Captain Scott Riker is
still alive behind enemy lines.
1343
01:08:11,620 --> 01:08:14,000
Reports have
come in of enemy combatants
1344
01:08:14,090 --> 01:08:17,960
shooting an American jet fighter out of the sky.
1345
01:08:18,050 --> 01:08:19,510
It is our belief
1346
01:08:19,590 --> 01:08:24,010
that Captain Scott Riker is
still alive behind enemy lines.
1347
01:08:24,100 --> 01:08:26,350
- Reports have come in of enemy combatants
1348
01:08:26,430 --> 01:08:29,140
shooting an American jet fighter out of the sky.
1349
01:08:29,220 --> 01:08:31,350
- It is our belief that Captain Scott Riker
1350
01:08:31,440 --> 01:08:34,690
is still alive behind enemy lines.
1351
01:08:34,770 --> 01:08:37,070
Reports have
come in of enemy combatants
1352
01:08:37,150 --> 01:08:39,820
shooting an American jet fighter out of the sky.
1353
01:08:39,900 --> 01:08:40,860
It is our belief
1354
01:08:40,950 --> 01:08:41,950
that Captain Scott Riker-
1355
01:08:42,030 --> 01:08:44,240
- What the hell are you doing in here?
1356
01:08:44,320 --> 01:08:46,530
- Don't worry, I was just leaving.
1357
01:08:46,620 --> 01:08:48,120
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1358
01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:50,000
Wait, wait, no, no, no.
1359
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:54,080
Tomorrow night, 2100 hours, Pink Taboo.
1360
01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:56,920
Our final mission.
- No, no, no.
1361
01:08:57,000 --> 01:08:58,920
Tonight was our final mission.
1362
01:08:59,010 --> 01:09:02,840
You delusional G.I. Joe fantasy boy.
1363
01:09:04,510 --> 01:09:06,010
You used me, Turk.
1364
01:09:06,970 --> 01:09:09,720
Yeah, and worst of all,
1365
01:09:09,810 --> 01:09:12,730
you're the reason I lost the love of my life.
1366
01:09:12,810 --> 01:09:16,230
- Oh, boo, hoo, hoo.
1367
01:09:16,310 --> 01:09:19,360
Like, you're the only one who's ever lost somebody, huh?
1368
01:09:21,150 --> 01:09:23,740
- You're a real piece of...
1369
01:09:27,530 --> 01:09:30,500
I, I get it now.
1370
01:09:30,580 --> 01:09:32,870
I, I can't believe I didn't understand it.
1371
01:09:33,920 --> 01:09:36,040
Microscopes, beakers.
1372
01:09:37,090 --> 01:09:38,460
Crystal meth, how did I not see this before?
1373
01:09:38,540 --> 01:09:41,300
You're some kind of insane meth head, aren't you?
1374
01:09:41,380 --> 01:09:42,760
- It's not meth, shithead.
1375
01:09:42,840 --> 01:09:44,970
I told you, I brew my own gasoline.
1376
01:09:45,050 --> 01:09:48,220
Jesus, if you don't believe me, look for yourself.
1377
01:09:55,850 --> 01:09:57,440
- What the hell is this?
1378
01:09:58,690 --> 01:10:01,190
Sperm cells.
1379
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:04,320
They travel at about 100 million miles an hour
1380
01:10:04,400 --> 01:10:05,740
racing to the egg,
1381
01:10:05,820 --> 01:10:07,570
to the finish line.
1382
01:10:08,490 --> 01:10:10,910
It's like the Fallopian Tube 500 in there.
1383
01:10:12,160 --> 01:10:17,080
You know, if I could just catch that energy in a bottle.
1384
01:10:18,750 --> 01:10:21,130
- So wait, is, is this your-
1385
01:10:21,210 --> 01:10:22,840
- Pancake batter?
1386
01:10:22,920 --> 01:10:25,430
That's right.
- Oh my god.
1387
01:10:25,510 --> 01:10:27,010
- Me and Betty like to have our fun,
1388
01:10:27,090 --> 01:10:30,350
but, uh, I don't like to waste anything.
1389
01:10:30,430 --> 01:10:34,180
- So you turn your spunk into gasoline?
1390
01:10:34,270 --> 01:10:35,350
- What do you think powers
1391
01:10:35,440 --> 01:10:37,520
the orgasm-mobile, Broccoli Teeth?
1392
01:10:37,600 --> 01:10:40,020
I didn't fill it up with Shell unleaded.
1393
01:10:40,110 --> 01:10:41,190
- What?
1394
01:10:41,270 --> 01:10:42,690
But, but that, that's impossible.
1395
01:10:42,780 --> 01:10:44,650
The sperm would die!
1396
01:10:44,740 --> 01:10:48,030
- No shit, genius, that's why I freeze it.
1397
01:10:48,110 --> 01:10:50,120
You ever heard of frozen sperm?
1398
01:10:50,200 --> 01:10:54,120
Keeps those pollywogs alive forever.
1399
01:10:54,200 --> 01:10:55,710
Until finally you defrost 'em,
1400
01:10:55,790 --> 01:10:58,460
and then they, they start squiggling around like you,
1401
01:10:58,540 --> 01:11:01,380
like you just squirted 'em out fresh.
1402
01:11:09,930 --> 01:11:11,260
What the hell?
1403
01:11:15,020 --> 01:11:16,060
My ice cream.
1404
01:11:18,390 --> 01:11:20,440
No wonder his breath smelled like a,
1405
01:11:22,190 --> 01:11:24,190
a George Michael youth camp.
1406
01:11:25,490 --> 01:11:26,440
- What if I blow it?
- Come on, Bob.
1407
01:11:26,530 --> 01:11:27,780
You can do this.
- Yeah.
1408
01:11:27,860 --> 01:11:29,070
Of course, you would say that.
1409
01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:30,320
But what if I can't? What if I can't do it?
1410
01:11:30,410 --> 01:11:31,780
What if I blow it?
1411
01:11:31,870 --> 01:11:32,830
- You're not gonna blow it.
1412
01:11:32,910 --> 01:11:33,830
Hey, hey.
- I could blow it.
1413
01:11:33,910 --> 01:11:35,580
- Hey, hey, Maxine picked you,
1414
01:11:35,660 --> 01:11:37,500
because she knows you're the best.
1415
01:11:40,670 --> 01:11:42,170
- Thanks, Holly, look, I couldn't have done
1416
01:11:42,250 --> 01:11:43,380
any of this without you.
1417
01:11:43,460 --> 01:11:45,590
Seriously, thanks, Holly.
1418
01:11:47,720 --> 01:11:49,840
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
1419
01:11:49,930 --> 01:11:51,840
- Um, I'm meeting a friend for drinks
1420
01:11:51,930 --> 01:11:54,510
later at Rummy's if you wanna come.
1421
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:57,480
We'll celebrate.
- Yeah, we'll celebrate,
1422
01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:59,440
'cause great.
- Yeah.
1423
01:11:59,520 --> 01:12:01,600
- At Rummy's, yeah, for sure.
- Yeah.
1424
01:12:01,690 --> 01:12:03,360
Okay, go, go, go.
- Oh, I gotta, yeah, yeah.
1425
01:12:03,440 --> 01:12:05,820
Go.
1426
01:12:14,240 --> 01:12:17,870
My honored guests and esteemed colleagues,
1427
01:12:18,750 --> 01:12:20,540
it is my pleasure to be here today.
1428
01:12:23,380 --> 01:12:25,380
As you know, the global appetite
1429
01:12:25,460 --> 01:12:29,380
for world-class car racing is growing day by day.
1430
01:12:30,380 --> 01:12:33,390
Our vision at Raw Image is your vision,
1431
01:12:34,510 --> 01:12:37,600
to bring modernized, state-of-the-art racetracks
1432
01:12:38,430 --> 01:12:42,650
to that motherfucker right there!
1433
01:12:42,730 --> 01:12:43,980
- I'm a motherfucker?
1434
01:12:44,810 --> 01:12:45,980
You're a motherfucker!
1435
01:12:46,070 --> 01:12:48,070
- That's the fucker that stole my fiance!
1436
01:12:48,150 --> 01:12:49,740
- Then I'm a fiance fucker!
- Oh, shit!
1437
01:12:49,820 --> 01:12:51,650
- Fucker!
- I'm a fiance fucker!
1438
01:12:51,740 --> 01:12:53,160
And bring your mother, I will fuck her too!
1439
01:12:53,240 --> 01:12:54,620
Oh, shit!
1440
01:12:58,660 --> 01:13:02,080
- You son of a bitch!
1441
01:13:02,250 --> 01:13:03,500
Oh, I'm gonna kill you!
1442
01:13:03,580 --> 01:13:05,710
- Son of a bitch, get off me, you hooker!
1443
01:13:05,790 --> 01:13:07,210
Bitch slap, man, you bitch!
1444
01:13:07,300 --> 01:13:08,800
Aye, you hit me!
1445
01:13:09,670 --> 01:13:10,840
- Oh my god.
1446
01:13:13,090 --> 01:13:16,010
I totally fucked this whole thing up completely.
1447
01:13:16,100 --> 01:13:17,680
Maxine is gonna be so pissed at me.
1448
01:13:17,970 --> 01:13:18,970
Shit.
1449
01:13:19,850 --> 01:13:21,140
- How could you know, Bob?
1450
01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:24,770
I mean, I would've done the same thing.
1451
01:13:26,270 --> 01:13:27,940
- Yeah, exactly, right?
1452
01:13:28,020 --> 01:13:29,320
You, you, you, think of it,
1453
01:13:29,400 --> 01:13:31,400
you came face to face with a broad
1454
01:13:31,490 --> 01:13:33,070
who stole Tim away from you.
1455
01:13:36,070 --> 01:13:37,330
- Well, um,
1456
01:13:38,280 --> 01:13:42,500
since we're talking about bad news here, um,
1457
01:13:43,620 --> 01:13:45,710
Tim and I broke up
1458
01:13:47,080 --> 01:13:48,170
a few months ago.
1459
01:13:51,670 --> 01:13:52,670
- Ugh.
1460
01:13:54,510 --> 01:13:57,140
I'm such an idiot.
1461
01:13:57,220 --> 01:13:58,550
A few months ago?
1462
01:13:58,640 --> 01:13:59,970
How did I not know?
1463
01:14:00,060 --> 01:14:03,480
- I, you were going through your own stuff,
1464
01:14:03,560 --> 01:14:05,520
and I don't know, I didn't wanna...
1465
01:14:07,270 --> 01:14:08,940
- Hey, come here.
1466
01:14:11,320 --> 01:14:14,110
Sorry.
- It's okay.
1467
01:14:16,910 --> 01:14:19,870
- I'm such a selfish prick.
1468
01:14:19,950 --> 01:14:22,410
I've been in my own little world and I, I should've asked.
1469
01:14:22,500 --> 01:14:25,040
I should've...
- Hey, it's okay.
1470
01:14:25,750 --> 01:14:27,670
I guess it was coming for a while.
1471
01:14:27,750 --> 01:14:28,960
You know, we were fighting,
1472
01:14:29,040 --> 01:14:31,710
and somehow he always made me feel like
1473
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:33,460
I wasn't smart enough for him.
1474
01:14:34,170 --> 01:14:35,880
- You're not smart enough?
1475
01:14:35,970 --> 01:14:38,140
Holly McCarthy, not smart enough?
1476
01:14:39,100 --> 01:14:40,390
You work with me, don't you?
1477
01:14:40,470 --> 01:14:43,020
Gotta be pretty smart.
1478
01:14:43,100 --> 01:14:45,310
Actually, I...
1479
01:14:52,480 --> 01:14:53,940
Let's see how smart you are.
1480
01:15:03,200 --> 01:15:04,200
Ah. Oh.
1481
01:15:13,630 --> 01:15:15,380
See, you're plenty smart.
1482
01:15:15,460 --> 01:15:18,300
You're smart enough to get away from Tim.
1483
01:15:22,050 --> 01:15:23,560
Oh, you know what?
1484
01:15:25,600 --> 01:15:27,060
I don't need this anymore.
1485
01:15:28,480 --> 01:15:29,730
You take it.
1486
01:15:29,810 --> 01:15:31,360
You know, here.
1487
01:15:34,940 --> 01:15:35,940
It's yours.
1488
01:15:39,160 --> 01:15:40,110
A toast.
1489
01:15:43,620 --> 01:15:44,870
To new beginnings.
1490
01:15:46,540 --> 01:15:49,540
To new beginnings.
1491
01:16:04,260 --> 01:16:06,470
- Wow, look how much people love you.
1492
01:16:06,560 --> 01:16:08,270
Look at all this love.
1493
01:16:08,350 --> 01:16:10,350
Who got you all this stuff?
1494
01:16:10,440 --> 01:16:11,270
- I did.
1495
01:16:11,350 --> 01:16:13,900
Oh.
1496
01:16:13,980 --> 01:16:16,030
- Is this how you treat your clients?
1497
01:16:16,820 --> 01:16:18,400
By sending a date rapist?
1498
01:16:18,490 --> 01:16:19,820
- Oh, it wasn't a date rapist, honey.
1499
01:16:19,900 --> 01:16:21,530
It was an assault.
1500
01:16:21,610 --> 01:16:22,870
- What do you think a rapist is?
1501
01:16:22,950 --> 01:16:23,740
It's an assault.
1502
01:16:23,820 --> 01:16:25,240
And he called me a fucker!
1503
01:16:25,330 --> 01:16:26,450
- What can I do?
1504
01:16:26,540 --> 01:16:29,410
What can we do to make this right?
1505
01:16:29,500 --> 01:16:32,710
- Where I come from, we still believe in honor.
1506
01:16:32,790 --> 01:16:35,880
If the rapist comes forward
and proves himself worthy,
1507
01:16:35,960 --> 01:16:37,960
I might show leniency.
1508
01:16:38,050 --> 01:16:39,630
- Of course, he will, no question.
1509
01:16:39,720 --> 01:16:41,840
He's one of our best rapist, I mean-
1510
01:16:41,930 --> 01:16:46,560
- I will send Bob over there
tomorrow to heal this wound.
1511
01:16:46,640 --> 01:16:48,560
- No, you won't send him here.
1512
01:16:48,640 --> 01:16:51,480
Bob will show up and prove his honor
1513
01:16:51,560 --> 01:16:53,020
where real men prove it,
1514
01:16:53,100 --> 01:16:54,400
at the racetrack!
1515
01:16:54,480 --> 01:16:56,400
And, Doctor, get me a new bed, please!
1516
01:16:56,480 --> 01:16:58,190
I feel like I'm breakdancing!
1517
01:16:58,280 --> 01:17:00,320
I just sent you 50,000.
1518
01:17:00,400 --> 01:17:01,860
- Are those rupees?
1519
01:17:01,950 --> 01:17:03,240
- Yes, they're rupees.
1520
01:17:03,320 --> 01:17:05,740
That's a lot of money, in India.
1521
01:17:05,830 --> 01:17:06,620
Get me a bed.
1522
01:17:14,710 --> 01:17:16,790
- Why have I never kissed you before?
1523
01:17:17,670 --> 01:17:20,550
- Well, uh, two reasons.
1524
01:17:21,220 --> 01:17:22,130
Tim.
1525
01:17:22,220 --> 01:17:23,090
- Mhmm.
1526
01:17:25,340 --> 01:17:27,100
- Terri.
- Oh.
1527
01:17:28,060 --> 01:17:30,100
- Your fiance, remember?
- I actually forgot
1528
01:17:30,180 --> 01:17:31,390
about her for a second.
- Hmm.
1529
01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:32,940
- Yeah.
1530
01:17:34,850 --> 01:17:36,310
Can I ask you a question?
1531
01:17:38,360 --> 01:17:41,780
Would you wanna go fly fishing with me sometime?
1532
01:17:43,570 --> 01:17:46,820
- I'd love that, Bob.
- You would?
1533
01:17:46,910 --> 01:17:48,870
Yeah? Okay.
- Yeah.
1534
01:17:48,950 --> 01:17:51,290
- Well, well, looks like I got here just in time.
1535
01:17:51,370 --> 01:17:53,370
Sarah.
1536
01:17:53,460 --> 01:17:55,830
Hey, hi, oh, okay, this is Bob.
1537
01:17:55,920 --> 01:17:58,750
- Oh, I know who he is.
- Oh.
1538
01:17:59,710 --> 01:18:00,500
Really?
1539
01:18:00,590 --> 01:18:03,050
- Yeah, we, um,
1540
01:18:03,130 --> 01:18:05,840
met at a function recently, right?
1541
01:18:05,930 --> 01:18:07,640
- Oh, right.
1542
01:18:07,720 --> 01:18:10,310
Yeah, you are the sleazy lowlife who thinks all women
1543
01:18:10,390 --> 01:18:12,180
are idiots and just put on this Earth
1544
01:18:12,270 --> 01:18:14,980
so that guys like you can get their rocks off.
1545
01:18:15,060 --> 01:18:16,730
- Sarah, no, no.
1546
01:18:16,810 --> 01:18:19,610
This is Bob Erdman, he's my boss.
1547
01:18:19,690 --> 01:18:23,240
- He's a pervert who hits on anything that moves.
1548
01:18:25,070 --> 01:18:27,160
- No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong guy.
1549
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:28,240
- Really?
1550
01:18:29,330 --> 01:18:30,780
Has he asked you to go fly fishing with him yet?
1551
01:18:30,870 --> 01:18:33,330
In the mountains, just the two of you?
1552
01:18:35,120 --> 01:18:36,120
- Bob?
1553
01:18:37,290 --> 01:18:39,420
- Look, I could explain.
1554
01:18:39,500 --> 01:18:40,380
I was planning-
1555
01:18:40,460 --> 01:18:43,170
- What were you planning, Bob?
1556
01:18:43,260 --> 01:18:44,630
- To go fly fishing with you.
1557
01:18:44,720 --> 01:18:46,470
I want that, that was all me, what?
1558
01:18:46,550 --> 01:18:47,680
Really? I don't believe it.
1559
01:18:47,760 --> 01:18:51,010
- Bob, were you just trying to use me?
1560
01:18:51,100 --> 01:18:52,220
- No, Holly, I swear to-
1561
01:18:52,310 --> 01:18:54,680
- Has he given you a Rubik's Cube yet?
1562
01:18:55,640 --> 01:18:56,770
- It's not what you think.
1563
01:18:56,850 --> 01:18:59,610
- Oh, oh, oh, have you met the wingman?
1564
01:18:59,690 --> 01:19:01,980
Okay, he should be popping up here any second.
1565
01:19:02,070 --> 01:19:04,780
Now this guy, this guy, you gotta see to believe.
1566
01:19:04,860 --> 01:19:07,490
You know, he can fart people's names.
1567
01:19:11,240 --> 01:19:15,080
- You know, I felt bad for you all these months
1568
01:19:15,160 --> 01:19:16,540
watching your heart break.
1569
01:19:16,620 --> 01:19:19,040
You seemed like a sincere guy
1570
01:19:19,120 --> 01:19:20,920
who was going through a lot of pain.
1571
01:19:21,000 --> 01:19:22,880
A guy who I thought was real
1572
01:19:22,960 --> 01:19:25,170
and who didn't deserve being dumped.
1573
01:19:25,260 --> 01:19:26,840
But Terri was smart.
1574
01:19:29,300 --> 01:19:32,760
Losing you was the best thing
she could've done for herself.
1575
01:19:36,680 --> 01:19:39,140
You can take your stupid cube.
1576
01:19:40,100 --> 01:19:42,020
Why don't you put it on your fly line
1577
01:19:42,110 --> 01:19:44,230
and go fishing for someone else?
1578
01:19:44,320 --> 01:19:45,730
- No.
1579
01:19:45,820 --> 01:19:47,400
Holly!
- Let's go, Sarah.
1580
01:19:49,070 --> 01:19:52,280
Fly fishing? You can do so much better.
1581
01:19:57,370 --> 01:20:00,330
- Oh my god, what is this
strange and colorful cube thingy?
1582
01:20:00,420 --> 01:20:03,420
Is this the new iPhone 97?
1583
01:20:04,340 --> 01:20:05,250
- No.
1584
01:20:08,340 --> 01:20:11,090
This is my fucked up life.
1585
01:20:14,010 --> 01:20:14,970
- Excuse me for a second.
1586
01:20:15,060 --> 01:20:16,430
Okay, Bobby, holy crap.
1587
01:20:16,520 --> 01:20:18,850
I got the 4-1-1 on your mystery wingman.
1588
01:20:18,930 --> 01:20:20,690
- Oh, dude, no, that's old news now.
1589
01:20:20,770 --> 01:20:22,190
He's fucking done.
1590
01:20:23,360 --> 01:20:25,770
- Yeah, well good, because it turns out Mr. Wingman
1591
01:20:25,860 --> 01:20:27,360
was a real wingman.
1592
01:20:27,740 --> 01:20:28,320
- What?
1593
01:20:28,440 --> 01:20:31,280
- So dig this, he went over on a covert operation
1594
01:20:31,360 --> 01:20:32,870
over in Afghanistan or somewhere,
1595
01:20:32,950 --> 01:20:36,120
and things went wrong, real wrong.
1596
01:20:36,200 --> 01:20:37,580
- Whoa, whoa, back up.
1597
01:20:37,660 --> 01:20:40,370
Turk is a real pilot?
- Was a real pilot.
1598
01:20:40,460 --> 01:20:42,250
He just lost his fighter.
1599
01:20:42,330 --> 01:20:44,790
There's only been one jet shot down in the region ever,
1600
01:20:44,880 --> 01:20:46,590
and guess who was supposed to be protecting him?
1601
01:20:46,670 --> 01:20:50,010
Turk fucking Thompson, your wingman.
1602
01:20:50,090 --> 01:20:51,720
- No shit.
1603
01:20:52,380 --> 01:20:53,800
- But here's the best part.
1604
01:20:53,890 --> 01:20:56,470
They've never found the pilot, he's MIA.
1605
01:20:57,930 --> 01:20:59,140
- So what are you saying?
1606
01:20:59,220 --> 01:21:00,480
They think he's still alive.
1607
01:21:00,560 --> 01:21:03,230
Holed up in some shitty foreign prison.
1608
01:21:03,310 --> 01:21:04,770
That son of a bitch, Thompson,
1609
01:21:04,860 --> 01:21:07,320
all that talk about completing the mission,
1610
01:21:07,400 --> 01:21:09,530
and he never even brought his own man back home.
1611
01:21:09,610 --> 01:21:10,740
What a jackass.
1612
01:21:11,990 --> 01:21:13,990
- No, Skip, you got it wrong.
1613
01:21:14,070 --> 01:21:15,410
I'm the jackass.
1614
01:21:16,490 --> 01:21:18,450
Take me to the Pink Taboo.
1615
01:21:18,540 --> 01:21:21,410
When I get to drinking
1616
01:21:21,500 --> 01:21:24,920
That's when I get to thinking
1617
01:21:25,000 --> 01:21:28,710
It's 'cause I ain't been thinking that I drink
1618
01:21:28,800 --> 01:21:29,760
- I fucked up.
1619
01:21:30,510 --> 01:21:32,010
It was me who trained Eddie.
1620
01:21:32,090 --> 01:21:35,010
But Eddie, he was a loose cannon.
1621
01:21:35,090 --> 01:21:37,550
That night, he didn't follow the pattern.
1622
01:21:38,390 --> 01:21:40,680
He compromised a formation and bang.
1623
01:21:42,890 --> 01:21:45,150
That's when Riker took the hit.
1624
01:21:45,230 --> 01:21:46,940
- So it wasn't your fault.
1625
01:21:47,020 --> 01:21:49,400
- Try telling that to Riker's family.
1626
01:21:54,820 --> 01:21:58,950
- So you trained Eddie as a wingman, not a wingman.
1627
01:21:59,030 --> 01:22:00,870
- Yeah, that's right.
1628
01:22:01,750 --> 01:22:03,210
- It's been 20 years, Turk,
1629
01:22:03,290 --> 01:22:05,210
and what have you been doing this whole time?
1630
01:22:05,290 --> 01:22:08,460
- Hanging out in places like this, drinking,
1631
01:22:11,960 --> 01:22:13,880
trying to forget Scott Riker.
1632
01:22:15,220 --> 01:22:17,340
But everywhere I look, I see his face.
1633
01:22:23,980 --> 01:22:27,520
I see his face on dumb shits like you,
1634
01:22:28,360 --> 01:22:30,770
guys that can't complete their missions,
1635
01:22:31,730 --> 01:22:33,150
who can't get laid.
1636
01:22:34,400 --> 01:22:37,450
I'm a wingman, that's what I do.
1637
01:22:38,450 --> 01:22:40,080
And I figure if I,
1638
01:22:40,160 --> 01:22:41,950
I save up enough dollars,
1639
01:22:43,790 --> 01:22:45,870
one day I could go back over there and
1640
01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:52,090
bring Scott Riker home.
1641
01:22:53,920 --> 01:22:55,720
- You really are a wingman.
1642
01:22:55,800 --> 01:22:57,630
Hell yeah, I am!
1643
01:22:57,720 --> 01:22:59,720
And, tonight, we're gonna crack your nuts
1644
01:22:59,800 --> 01:23:02,640
and get you laid!
1645
01:23:03,680 --> 01:23:05,560
- Look, thanks, Turk.
1646
01:23:05,640 --> 01:23:06,390
But...
1647
01:23:08,690 --> 01:23:10,610
Here's the rest of what I owe you.
1648
01:23:11,400 --> 01:23:13,230
I'm sorry for all that's happened and
1649
01:23:14,030 --> 01:23:15,780
good luck with everything.
1650
01:23:15,860 --> 01:23:17,910
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
1651
01:23:17,990 --> 01:23:20,160
You still gotta get your girl back.
1652
01:23:20,240 --> 01:23:23,790
- No, I just came to apologize for what I said.
1653
01:23:24,200 --> 01:23:25,790
The mission's over, Wingman.
1654
01:23:27,920 --> 01:23:29,420
- Are you cereal?
1655
01:23:30,250 --> 01:23:31,250
- Yeah.
1656
01:23:33,380 --> 01:23:34,920
I am.
1657
01:23:35,010 --> 01:23:38,220
Maybe it's time to let the past go and move on.
1658
01:23:39,180 --> 01:23:40,590
Maybe
1659
01:23:40,680 --> 01:23:45,140
Then that'll stop you drinking, you old drunk
1660
01:23:45,220 --> 01:23:47,310
Maybe not
1661
01:23:47,390 --> 01:23:52,060
Blinkin', stinkin', drink, drank, drunk
1662
01:23:54,570 --> 01:23:56,490
- You thinking about leaving town?
1663
01:23:57,740 --> 01:23:59,200
Well, you probably should.
1664
01:24:00,410 --> 01:24:01,740
'Cause word on the street
1665
01:24:01,820 --> 01:24:04,280
is you failed in your mission last night, Fungus Face.
1666
01:24:07,370 --> 01:24:11,500
- How'd you find out so fast, Fart Festival Lips?
1667
01:24:11,580 --> 01:24:13,750
- News in our business travels fast.
1668
01:24:14,630 --> 01:24:15,840
It's a crazy world.
1669
01:24:15,920 --> 01:24:18,510
- Crazy like Forest Whitaker's left eye,
1670
01:24:19,760 --> 01:24:21,010
but I'll be all right.
1671
01:24:22,800 --> 01:24:24,810
- You lost your touch, Turk.
1672
01:24:24,890 --> 01:24:27,140
Maybe it's time you get out, hm?
1673
01:24:27,220 --> 01:24:29,730
- Like a retard in a bouncy house,
1674
01:24:30,940 --> 01:24:32,440
there is no getting out.
1675
01:24:33,610 --> 01:24:35,770
- You're like an old lady's tit,
1676
01:24:35,860 --> 01:24:37,820
all dried up just hanging around.
1677
01:24:39,030 --> 01:24:40,360
- What's to stop me right now
1678
01:24:40,450 --> 01:24:44,030
from shoving a giant pretzel so far up your ass
1679
01:24:44,120 --> 01:24:46,160
you think you have fallopian tubes?
1680
01:24:46,950 --> 01:24:48,160
- Because unlike you,
1681
01:24:49,120 --> 01:24:53,000
I have an employer who currently pays me.
1682
01:25:14,900 --> 01:25:16,650
- Look, Holly, Bob was desperate.
1683
01:25:16,730 --> 01:25:17,900
You saw him.
1684
01:25:17,980 --> 01:25:21,320
- Hiring a wingman is more than desperate.
1685
01:25:21,400 --> 01:25:23,740
I didn't think he'd really do it.
1686
01:25:23,820 --> 01:25:25,660
Why didn't you tell me, Skip?
1687
01:25:25,740 --> 01:25:26,950
- He was crushed, Holly.
1688
01:25:27,030 --> 01:25:28,740
His fiance left a week before the wedding.
1689
01:25:28,830 --> 01:25:29,950
What would you have done?
1690
01:25:30,040 --> 01:25:31,250
- Where is he?
1691
01:25:33,540 --> 01:25:35,380
Where is that son of a bitch?
1692
01:25:35,460 --> 01:25:38,250
- Who the hell are you?
- Who the hell are you?
1693
01:25:38,340 --> 01:25:41,630
- Ah, shit, uh, this is, this is the wingman.
1694
01:25:51,520 --> 01:25:52,980
- Everyone out!
1695
01:25:55,980 --> 01:25:57,190
Now!
1696
01:26:07,280 --> 01:26:11,790
Okay, we are gonna have a little talk.
1697
01:26:11,870 --> 01:26:12,870
Me and you.
1698
01:26:15,120 --> 01:26:17,040
I wanna know everything.
1699
01:26:20,250 --> 01:26:21,380
Everything!
1700
01:26:25,720 --> 01:26:28,300
- My dear friends, welcome.
1701
01:26:28,390 --> 01:26:29,810
You know why you're here,
1702
01:26:29,890 --> 01:26:32,140
because you're all part of my inner circle.
1703
01:26:32,220 --> 01:26:33,600
Mmm!
1704
01:26:33,680 --> 01:26:37,480
- You see, in my culture, business is important,
1705
01:26:37,560 --> 01:26:41,820
but not as important as honor and respect.
1706
01:26:43,110 --> 01:26:45,450
My multi-billion dollar vision
1707
01:26:45,530 --> 01:26:49,200
for car racing's future is here today.
1708
01:26:50,160 --> 01:26:52,870
And it must be earned, it must be won.
1709
01:26:55,910 --> 01:26:58,290
- Let the race begin, motherbitches!
1710
01:26:58,380 --> 01:26:59,210
- Woo!
- Yeah!
1711
01:27:04,920 --> 01:27:07,010
- And that's all of it.
1712
01:27:07,930 --> 01:27:10,010
I put the dumb fuck up to everything.
1713
01:27:11,600 --> 01:27:13,470
Except for the fly fishing part,
1714
01:27:13,560 --> 01:27:15,060
that was all him.
1715
01:27:16,350 --> 01:27:18,650
- That was the part I love.
1716
01:27:36,660 --> 01:27:41,250
- Look, you seem like a nice girl, hm?
1717
01:27:41,330 --> 01:27:45,210
Why don't you find somebody that's not so messed up?
1718
01:27:45,300 --> 01:27:46,380
I can help you.
1719
01:27:47,380 --> 01:27:50,010
What's your type? What are you, uh, Hindu?
1720
01:27:50,090 --> 01:27:51,430
Catholic?
1721
01:27:51,510 --> 01:27:52,510
- Quaker.
1722
01:27:55,640 --> 01:27:57,230
- Are you cereal?
1723
01:27:57,310 --> 01:27:59,810
- Excuse me.
- Forget it.
1724
01:28:00,810 --> 01:28:02,610
He fired me. It's over.
1725
01:28:02,690 --> 01:28:04,320
- Mission failed?
1726
01:28:05,320 --> 01:28:07,030
- Mission aborted.
1727
01:28:16,750 --> 01:28:18,000
- See you later, toots.
1728
01:28:21,630 --> 01:28:23,590
Daddy's gotta ride.
1729
01:28:37,350 --> 01:28:38,600
Hey!
1730
01:28:38,680 --> 01:28:40,940
Hey, pal, you dropped something.
1731
01:28:41,020 --> 01:28:43,230
- You keep it, you need it more than me.
1732
01:28:46,400 --> 01:28:48,740
You never leave a man behind, Wingman.
1733
01:28:49,490 --> 01:28:51,070
And I'm fucking cereal.
1734
01:28:52,110 --> 01:28:53,450
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
1735
01:29:02,040 --> 01:29:04,670
- Please, choose your vehicle.
1736
01:29:05,500 --> 01:29:06,960
- No, I don't, I don't know how to race a car.
1737
01:29:07,050 --> 01:29:07,920
Let's just...
1738
01:29:08,300 --> 01:29:09,460
- Beat me in the race
1739
01:29:09,920 --> 01:29:11,130
and I'll sign the deal.
1740
01:29:11,220 --> 01:29:12,550
That's what you want, isn't it?
1741
01:29:12,630 --> 01:29:14,140
- Yeah, uh.
1742
01:29:19,430 --> 01:29:20,390
I'll tell you what,
1743
01:29:21,390 --> 01:29:23,810
since we're going for all the marbles here,
1744
01:29:23,900 --> 01:29:25,810
why don't you put something on the line?
1745
01:29:25,900 --> 01:29:28,190
Make it a little more worth my while, huh?
1746
01:29:28,820 --> 01:29:29,900
- There's honor in that.
1747
01:29:29,990 --> 01:29:30,940
More money?
1748
01:29:31,030 --> 01:29:33,700
- No, I'm thinking, Terri.
1749
01:29:34,160 --> 01:29:35,950
- What do you mean you're thinking Terri?
1750
01:29:36,030 --> 01:29:39,910
- Well, if I win,
1751
01:29:40,000 --> 01:29:42,040
you disappear, okay?
1752
01:29:42,120 --> 01:29:44,250
You break up with her, you leave,
1753
01:29:44,330 --> 01:29:46,330
and you let me have a fighting chance
1754
01:29:46,420 --> 01:29:47,920
of getting my girl back.
1755
01:29:51,630 --> 01:29:52,670
- Sure, that sounds great.
1756
01:29:52,760 --> 01:29:54,180
Absolutely, no problem.
1757
01:29:54,260 --> 01:29:55,640
Yes, yeah,
1758
01:29:55,720 --> 01:29:57,850
'cause you have no bloody chance in hell to beat me.
1759
01:29:57,970 --> 01:30:01,100
So, please, select your vehicle.
1760
01:30:01,180 --> 01:30:02,100
- Uh,
1761
01:30:03,230 --> 01:30:03,980
I want-
1762
01:30:07,650 --> 01:30:08,570
That one.
1763
01:30:10,480 --> 01:30:11,610
- That one?
- Yeah.
1764
01:30:11,690 --> 01:30:13,740
Wingman
1765
01:30:13,820 --> 01:30:15,860
- An old hot rod?
- Yeah.
1766
01:30:15,950 --> 01:30:18,370
You might as well drive a hot dog.
1767
01:30:18,450 --> 01:30:20,910
You think a car made in 1932
1768
01:30:20,990 --> 01:30:23,830
is going to beat a car with all the newest technology?
1769
01:30:23,910 --> 01:30:25,920
- I don't know, but I want that one.
1770
01:30:26,000 --> 01:30:27,210
Okay, that's my car.
1771
01:30:27,290 --> 01:30:28,380
- Are you serious?
1772
01:30:28,460 --> 01:30:30,460
- Oh, I'm cereal.
1773
01:30:30,550 --> 01:30:32,300
- Be all the cereals you want.
1774
01:30:32,380 --> 01:30:34,550
Cocoa Puffs, Froot Loops, Frosted Flakes.
1775
01:30:34,630 --> 01:30:35,880
You are all of them.
1776
01:30:35,970 --> 01:30:37,640
Tony the Tiger, you're a Honeycomb.
1777
01:30:37,720 --> 01:30:38,760
- Okay.
1778
01:30:38,850 --> 01:30:40,930
- You are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
1779
01:30:41,010 --> 01:30:42,470
Follow my nose!
1780
01:30:42,560 --> 01:30:46,390
Is it? Is there a bathroom here somewhere?
1781
01:30:51,150 --> 01:30:52,360
- What the hell are you doing?
1782
01:30:52,440 --> 01:30:53,900
How'd you even find me?
1783
01:30:53,990 --> 01:30:57,360
- Look, I almost gave up on you, Dildo Tits.
1784
01:30:57,450 --> 01:31:00,370
But a true wingman never gives up on his mission.
1785
01:31:00,450 --> 01:31:03,080
Now it's time for you to make like Santa
1786
01:31:03,160 --> 01:31:06,290
and show the world you got a giant sack.
1787
01:31:07,790 --> 01:31:08,880
Jump in.
1788
01:31:17,840 --> 01:31:20,010
Now,
1789
01:31:20,100 --> 01:31:23,520
I didn't let any man ever ride with Betty before.
1790
01:31:24,180 --> 01:31:25,930
If you're gonna win this race,
1791
01:31:26,020 --> 01:31:27,690
you're gonna need the best motivation
1792
01:31:27,770 --> 01:31:29,810
on God's good, green Earth.
1793
01:31:34,280 --> 01:31:36,860
Wow.
1794
01:31:42,280 --> 01:31:43,950
- Power of the pussy.
1795
01:31:44,040 --> 01:31:45,790
- Binjo.
1796
01:31:55,380 --> 01:31:58,590
- You're going down, bitch.
1797
01:32:00,300 --> 01:32:03,430
Woo-hoo!
1798
01:32:05,180 --> 01:32:08,770
Gonna ride my hot rod like an Arizona whore
1799
01:32:13,060 --> 01:32:17,190
- Turk, Turk, I don't know what to do!
1800
01:32:17,280 --> 01:32:19,610
- Stay focused, Erdman, you got this!
1801
01:32:19,700 --> 01:32:20,820
Got the need for speed
1802
01:32:20,910 --> 01:32:25,040
Take the foot up off the brake
1803
01:32:25,120 --> 01:32:26,950
- Hello, hello, is somebody here?
1804
01:32:27,040 --> 01:32:28,620
First comes gear one
1805
01:32:28,710 --> 01:32:30,460
Then comes gear two
1806
01:32:30,540 --> 01:32:31,670
Shift it into third
1807
01:32:31,750 --> 01:32:33,500
- Whoa! Hey!
1808
01:32:33,590 --> 01:32:36,210
- We're moving now! Woo-hoo!
1809
01:32:36,300 --> 01:32:37,880
- Turk, he's going too fast!
1810
01:32:37,960 --> 01:32:39,130
- Just breathe, Erdman.
1811
01:32:39,220 --> 01:32:40,800
Listen to my voice.
1812
01:32:40,880 --> 01:32:42,340
- Gotcha.
- Straighten her out.
1813
01:32:46,930 --> 01:32:51,440
- Now, punch it like a drunk
stepfather teaching his kids
1814
01:32:51,520 --> 01:32:55,190
that the world ain't all horses and clowns!
1815
01:32:56,520 --> 01:32:57,570
- Yeah-he-he-he-ah!
1816
01:33:05,530 --> 01:33:07,200
No!
1817
01:33:07,290 --> 01:33:09,950
- Next time don't bring a Tonka toy to a turbo party!
1818
01:33:10,040 --> 01:33:11,460
- I like my men hairy.
1819
01:33:11,540 --> 01:33:13,210
Wingman
1820
01:33:13,290 --> 01:33:14,880
Wingman
1821
01:33:14,960 --> 01:33:15,880
- He passed me, Turk!
1822
01:33:15,960 --> 01:33:17,050
- Take it to the left.
1823
01:33:17,130 --> 01:33:18,510
- What do I do?
1824
01:33:18,590 --> 01:33:20,550
- And then, slide her up the middle and try to get home
1825
01:33:20,630 --> 01:33:22,130
before you go diarrhea.
1826
01:33:25,800 --> 01:33:27,060
- Oh, that felt good.
1827
01:33:28,930 --> 01:33:29,890
- Turk!
1828
01:33:29,970 --> 01:33:31,480
Turk, I don't know what to do, man!
1829
01:33:31,560 --> 01:33:35,400
- POP, baby.
You gotta shoot your shot
1830
01:33:35,480 --> 01:33:36,690
- Power of the pussy.
1831
01:33:36,770 --> 01:33:38,860
- Talk dirty to her.
1832
01:33:38,940 --> 01:33:41,030
I showed you what to do.
1833
01:33:43,150 --> 01:33:46,740
- Yeah, that's right, my little licorice whip.
1834
01:33:46,830 --> 01:33:49,410
Ooh, you like when I fondle you like that?
1835
01:33:49,490 --> 01:33:51,700
Ooh, you're firmer than I thought.
1836
01:33:51,790 --> 01:33:54,250
Maybe I'll get one a little lower.
1837
01:33:54,330 --> 01:33:56,630
Oh, not that hole, hoo-hoo-hoo.
1838
01:33:56,710 --> 01:33:58,630
Let me get you a little wet, yeah.
1839
01:33:58,710 --> 01:34:00,510
You ready for me?
1840
01:34:00,590 --> 01:34:02,590
Mm, 'cause I'm ready for you.
1841
01:34:03,590 --> 01:34:04,300
Whoa!
1842
01:34:05,510 --> 01:34:06,680
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
1843
01:34:06,760 --> 01:34:08,220
Koala!
1844
01:34:17,940 --> 01:34:19,940
- Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
1845
01:34:20,860 --> 01:34:21,940
We passed him!
1846
01:34:22,030 --> 01:34:24,400
I passed him, Turk, I'm gonna win!
1847
01:34:24,490 --> 01:34:28,120
- Drive like your mother's
chasing you to boarding school!
1848
01:34:29,080 --> 01:34:29,830
Drive!
1849
01:34:32,080 --> 01:34:33,620
- I'm gonna win!
1850
01:34:33,710 --> 01:34:35,210
I'm gonna win!
1851
01:34:35,290 --> 01:34:36,210
I won!
1852
01:34:36,290 --> 01:34:37,290
We did it!
1853
01:34:38,000 --> 01:34:39,540
- Rubber tire's coming in hot!
1854
01:34:39,630 --> 01:34:44,840
Oh, tires! Oh, no!
1855
01:34:53,430 --> 01:34:55,520
- Welcome, come in.
1856
01:34:55,600 --> 01:34:56,480
We've been waiting for you.
1857
01:34:56,560 --> 01:34:59,270
Uh, am, am I in heaven?
1858
01:34:59,360 --> 01:35:02,440
Hell, you won, kid,
1859
01:35:02,530 --> 01:35:04,150
but you had a little accident.
1860
01:35:04,240 --> 01:35:05,400
You hit pretty hard.
1861
01:35:05,490 --> 01:35:06,990
- What?
1862
01:35:07,070 --> 01:35:08,910
What the hell is on my face, Turk?
1863
01:35:08,990 --> 01:35:10,910
- Picture a pug
1864
01:35:10,990 --> 01:35:14,250
that's been smacked in the face with a canoe paddle.
1865
01:35:14,330 --> 01:35:15,330
- What?
1866
01:35:17,460 --> 01:35:18,630
Oh!
1867
01:35:18,710 --> 01:35:20,500
Is that Betty?
1868
01:35:20,590 --> 01:35:21,590
Ow! What?
1869
01:35:22,590 --> 01:35:24,670
- Some of your teeth are cracked.
1870
01:35:24,760 --> 01:35:27,510
Betty's the only thing holding everything together.
1871
01:35:28,590 --> 01:35:30,510
It's time your victory speech, champ.
1872
01:35:34,600 --> 01:35:36,060
- Thank you, boob.
1873
01:35:36,140 --> 01:35:38,270
- Have you been getting lip injections?
1874
01:35:39,270 --> 01:35:41,360
- You won an incredible race.
1875
01:35:41,440 --> 01:35:43,690
You're quite a racist.
1876
01:35:46,150 --> 01:35:47,110
- There's something stuck in your lip.
1877
01:35:47,200 --> 01:35:48,320
- No.
- Is that corn?
1878
01:35:48,400 --> 01:35:49,530
What is that? Let me get it.
1879
01:35:49,610 --> 01:35:51,370
What is that?
1880
01:35:51,450 --> 01:35:52,370
- No, no, no, no.
1881
01:35:52,490 --> 01:35:54,580
That's,
1882
01:35:54,660 --> 01:35:56,370
that's my clit.
- What?
1883
01:35:56,450 --> 01:35:58,920
- Also, congratulations on winning
1884
01:35:59,000 --> 01:36:02,130
one of the most beautiful women in the world, Terri.
1885
01:36:03,130 --> 01:36:05,170
- What the hell is he talking about?
1886
01:36:05,250 --> 01:36:06,460
Bob?
1887
01:36:06,550 --> 01:36:07,880
- It's, um,
1888
01:36:08,550 --> 01:36:09,800
you know what?
1889
01:36:12,350 --> 01:36:14,680
Uh, look,
1890
01:36:15,520 --> 01:36:19,140
a few months ago, my life was in complete order.
1891
01:36:19,810 --> 01:36:22,980
Good job, gorgeous wife to be.
1892
01:36:23,820 --> 01:36:25,940
I thought I had everything figured out.
1893
01:36:27,530 --> 01:36:29,400
But then a good, good friend of mine
1894
01:36:29,490 --> 01:36:31,660
taught me that in the blink of an eye
1895
01:36:31,740 --> 01:36:34,370
your life can go into a tailspin and change.
1896
01:36:35,620 --> 01:36:38,580
And if you're not ready for it, you can lose everything,
1897
01:36:38,660 --> 01:36:41,710
and, more importantly, everyone that matters.
1898
01:36:43,790 --> 01:36:46,710
Terri, you're a great girl,
1899
01:36:46,800 --> 01:36:48,550
my little songbird.
1900
01:36:58,140 --> 01:37:02,190
But I see now that Terri left for a reason.
1901
01:37:02,270 --> 01:37:03,440
You see, in every relationship,
1902
01:37:03,520 --> 01:37:05,060
if you're not each other's wingman
1903
01:37:05,150 --> 01:37:08,650
or wingwoman, then who has your back?
1904
01:37:08,740 --> 01:37:11,030
Who helps you get through every damn day
1905
01:37:11,110 --> 01:37:13,110
avoiding those tailspins?
1906
01:37:14,200 --> 01:37:16,990
I can see now that I blew it.
1907
01:37:17,700 --> 01:37:18,950
I took my eye off the mission
1908
01:37:19,040 --> 01:37:21,410
and I wasn't that guy for you, Terri.
1909
01:37:23,120 --> 01:37:25,420
But I can see Kazzim makes you happy.
1910
01:37:27,710 --> 01:37:31,300
Hell, one more kiss for old time's sake?
1911
01:37:43,940 --> 01:37:48,320
With that being said, I did still win that race.
1912
01:37:48,400 --> 01:37:50,990
And, Kazzim, as a man of great honor,
1913
01:37:51,070 --> 01:37:55,200
I ask that you consider changing the prize.
1914
01:37:55,280 --> 01:37:57,700
- You won fair and square, whatever you want.
1915
01:37:58,490 --> 01:37:59,950
- Then for my prize,
1916
01:38:00,660 --> 01:38:02,910
I ask that you help my friend
1917
01:38:03,000 --> 01:38:07,590
locate Captain Scott Riker and bring him home.
1918
01:38:07,670 --> 01:38:08,920
- Consider it done.
1919
01:38:09,000 --> 01:38:11,880
Suck my saliva glands.
1920
01:38:11,960 --> 01:38:14,590
- A prize?
- A wingman is born.
1921
01:38:14,680 --> 01:38:16,140
Fuck all you men!
1922
01:38:16,220 --> 01:38:19,100
Terri, come back, please, my little muffin top!
1923
01:38:19,180 --> 01:38:20,390
Terri!
- Hey!
1924
01:38:21,350 --> 01:38:23,940
So you're the scumbag that hired Eddie.
1925
01:38:24,020 --> 01:38:25,520
- You see me as a scumbag?
1926
01:38:25,600 --> 01:38:27,190
- Where are you from?
- India.
1927
01:38:27,270 --> 01:38:28,730
- What part?
- Downtown.
1928
01:38:28,820 --> 01:38:30,360
- What street?
- Elliot Road.
1929
01:38:30,440 --> 01:38:32,650
- What number?
- 37.
1930
01:38:32,740 --> 01:38:35,240
- I'm watching you.
- I watched you.
1931
01:38:35,320 --> 01:38:38,830
- I'm watching you even more.
- Look at me watch you.
1932
01:38:38,910 --> 01:38:40,240
Watch.
1933
01:38:40,330 --> 01:38:41,620
Edward, let's go.
1934
01:38:43,290 --> 01:38:47,500
- Hey, this isn't over, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Face.
1935
01:38:48,750 --> 01:38:50,800
- I'm watching you too, Eddie.
1936
01:38:50,880 --> 01:38:52,050
- Watch away.
1937
01:38:52,130 --> 01:38:54,260
- I am.
- Pay-per-view.
1938
01:38:55,380 --> 01:38:57,260
Terri, come back!
1939
01:38:57,340 --> 01:38:59,350
American girl
1940
01:38:59,430 --> 01:39:02,770
I got a message
1941
01:39:02,850 --> 01:39:06,690
That she's back in town
1942
01:39:06,770 --> 01:39:10,060
She'd really like to see me
1943
01:39:10,150 --> 01:39:13,070
Am I still around
1944
01:39:13,150 --> 01:39:16,860
Really, really sorry and she'd like to talk
1945
01:39:16,950 --> 01:39:20,410
Must wanna tell me why she took that walk
1946
01:39:20,490 --> 01:39:24,120
Took a little while, but I'm back in stride
1947
01:39:24,200 --> 01:39:29,420
Finally realized you just can't hide
1948
01:39:30,330 --> 01:39:31,920
- Come on, let's go jump in the boat.
1949
01:39:32,000 --> 01:39:33,750
I love
1950
01:39:33,840 --> 01:39:35,760
American girlsNothing like
1951
01:39:35,840 --> 01:39:38,760
American
1952
01:39:38,840 --> 01:39:40,300
Girls
1953
01:39:43,930 --> 01:39:44,930
- Wow!
1954
01:39:48,940 --> 01:39:52,230
So, Turk told you everything?
1955
01:39:52,320 --> 01:39:53,150
- Everything.
1956
01:39:53,230 --> 01:39:56,400
Oh, no!
1957
01:39:56,490 --> 01:39:58,860
- I guess I should apologize for those rat traps.
1958
01:39:58,950 --> 01:40:00,990
You think? Yeah.
1959
01:40:04,700 --> 01:40:06,410
It's weird, in a way,
1960
01:40:07,460 --> 01:40:09,580
I actually helped him complete his mission,
1961
01:40:09,670 --> 01:40:12,920
but he didn't help me complete mine.
1962
01:40:13,000 --> 01:40:14,130
I'm the first guy
1963
01:40:14,210 --> 01:40:17,090
he's never actually successfully got a girl.
1964
01:40:19,970 --> 01:40:22,510
- Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that.
1965
01:40:22,600 --> 01:40:25,010
Oh yeah?
1966
01:40:25,100 --> 01:40:26,020
Why is that?
1967
01:40:30,560 --> 01:40:32,900
- I have my eight reasons.
1968
01:40:32,980 --> 01:40:35,570
- He told you about the onion rings?
1969
01:40:35,650 --> 01:40:37,240
- I think actually nine.
1970
01:40:38,240 --> 01:40:39,280
- Maybe it's 10.
1971
01:40:41,570 --> 01:40:43,320
I love
1972
01:40:43,410 --> 01:40:45,950
American girls
1973
01:40:50,750 --> 01:40:52,380
- I wonder where he is now.
1974
01:40:56,750 --> 01:40:58,590
He's on a mission.
1975
01:41:06,470 --> 01:41:09,020
Hey!
1976
01:41:09,100 --> 01:41:09,980
Ooh.
1977
01:41:22,450 --> 01:41:24,620
Captain Scott Riker.
1978
01:41:27,990 --> 01:41:29,120
- What took you so long,
1979
01:41:29,200 --> 01:41:30,540
you son of a bitch?
1980
01:41:38,380 --> 01:41:40,340
- It's time to go home, Captain.
1981
01:41:40,420 --> 01:41:42,380
- Home?
1982
01:41:42,470 --> 01:41:43,470
Screw that.
1983
01:41:44,890 --> 01:41:47,180
I've been locked up in here for 18 years.
1984
01:41:48,970 --> 01:41:51,430
Take me to a bar, Wingman.
1985
01:41:51,520 --> 01:41:53,060
I need to get laid,
1986
01:41:54,150 --> 01:41:55,690
and that's an order.
1987
01:42:02,700 --> 01:42:03,950
- Ah!
1988
01:42:04,030 --> 01:42:05,110
Ha-ha!
1989
01:42:30,680 --> 01:42:35,560
So what's a man, without a woman
1990
01:42:35,650 --> 01:42:40,190
Oh, that was incredible.
1991
01:42:41,360 --> 01:42:43,150
Oh, wow.
1992
01:42:44,360 --> 01:42:47,530
The way you just bend me like,
1993
01:42:48,200 --> 01:42:49,120
like a tree branch,
1994
01:42:49,200 --> 01:42:51,540
and then just snap me right back
1995
01:42:51,620 --> 01:42:55,210
like you just found the second cure to polio.
1996
01:42:56,170 --> 01:42:57,120
Oh!
1997
01:42:57,210 --> 01:43:01,420
And we love because we're lovers
1998
01:43:03,210 --> 01:43:04,470
- You're a beast.
Tell your daughters
1999
01:43:04,550 --> 01:43:07,800
To be strong
2000
01:43:07,890 --> 01:43:09,140
Mhmm.
2001
01:43:09,220 --> 01:43:11,390
'Cause what's a man
2002
01:43:11,470 --> 01:43:14,640
Without a woman
2003
01:43:14,730 --> 01:43:16,770
Mm
2004
01:43:16,850 --> 01:43:20,150
- Where do I ever find a man that can beat that?
2005
01:43:22,730 --> 01:43:23,650
What's that?
2006
01:43:27,070 --> 01:43:28,570
Oh.
2007
01:43:28,660 --> 01:43:30,200
Ooh.
2008
01:43:30,280 --> 01:43:31,280
Okay.
2009
01:43:33,080 --> 01:43:34,250
"Wingman.
2010
01:43:34,330 --> 01:43:37,000
If you don't get laid, I don't get paid."
2011
01:43:38,370 --> 01:43:41,500
Well, what have I got to lose?
2012
01:43:42,920 --> 01:43:45,170
- You ready for round 12, baby?
2013
01:43:46,340 --> 01:43:47,720
- Fuck yeah!
- Fuck ya?
2014
01:43:47,800 --> 01:43:50,390
I barely no ya.
2015
01:44:01,440 --> 01:44:03,610
- Hey, pal, who do you think you are?
2016
01:44:05,440 --> 01:44:07,280
- Turk Thompson.
- Give me that.
2017
01:44:08,400 --> 01:44:09,820
Wingman?
2018
01:44:09,910 --> 01:44:15,120
What kind of moron hires a wingman?
2019
01:44:15,490 --> 01:44:16,580
Loser-ville.
2020
01:44:21,750 --> 01:44:23,920
- I'll call ya.
- Yeah.
2021
01:44:24,000 --> 01:44:25,340
I know.
2022
01:44:25,420 --> 01:44:29,840
In the meantime, take these motion sickness pills.
2023
01:44:29,930 --> 01:44:33,050
I want you to start practicing on your mattress,
2024
01:44:33,140 --> 01:44:35,310
humping it like a boarding school pervert
2025
01:44:35,390 --> 01:44:36,770
caught in an Arizona shitstorm.
2026
01:44:36,850 --> 01:44:38,850
What you gonna do
2027
01:44:38,930 --> 01:44:40,730
Hey, where you going, baby?
2028
01:44:40,810 --> 01:44:42,230
Come back.
- Loser.
2029
01:44:42,310 --> 01:44:43,860
Look around the room
2030
01:44:45,320 --> 01:44:46,650
- Brush teeth.
2031
01:44:51,360 --> 01:44:52,950
Nature's answer.
2032
01:44:53,030 --> 01:44:55,410
Wingman, wingman
2033
01:44:55,490 --> 01:44:56,330
- Yeah.
2034
01:44:56,410 --> 01:44:58,950
- All clean and ready to cream.
2035
01:45:02,830 --> 01:45:03,670
Wingman
2036
01:45:03,750 --> 01:45:07,590
Wingman, wingman
2037
01:45:07,670 --> 01:45:11,590
He drives up to the bar as your hopes begin to fade
2038
01:45:11,680 --> 01:45:13,090
I have my own car.
2039
01:45:13,180 --> 01:45:14,930
- I promise.
- You wish.
2040
01:45:15,010 --> 01:45:18,560
Now he don't get paid if he don't get you laid
2041
01:45:18,640 --> 01:45:22,100
Come on, show Daddy some lettuce.
2042
01:45:22,190 --> 01:45:25,940
He'll get you what you want, skinny, fat, or tall
2043
01:45:26,020 --> 01:45:29,150
- Oh, looking juicy.
- Oh.
2044
01:45:29,240 --> 01:45:33,570
But you better hurry up, they just yelled, "Last call"
2045
01:45:33,660 --> 01:45:36,830
- Naked body shots!
- Woo-hoo!
2046
01:45:36,910 --> 01:45:38,410
Strike out number four
2047
01:45:38,490 --> 01:45:40,450
Strike out number five
2048
01:45:40,540 --> 01:45:45,710
Totally rejected, chances barely alive
2049
01:45:47,710 --> 01:45:51,550
He'll get you hooked up with a brunette or a blonde
2050
01:45:51,630 --> 01:45:54,930
Ooh, release the Kracken.
2051
01:45:55,010 --> 01:45:58,220
You're going home with a
hottie, now the wingman's done
2052
01:45:58,310 --> 01:46:01,980
Wingman, wingman
2053
01:46:02,060 --> 01:46:03,640
If you can't get a date
2054
01:46:03,730 --> 01:46:05,730
He's always got a plan
2055
01:46:05,810 --> 01:46:07,190
No time left waiting
2056
01:46:07,270 --> 01:46:09,110
He's the wingman
2057
01:46:09,190 --> 01:46:12,820
Wingman, wingman
2058
01:46:12,900 --> 01:46:16,450
Wingman, wingman
2059
01:46:16,530 --> 01:46:19,160
I'm the wingman.
2060
01:46:19,240 --> 01:46:20,240
Yeah.
2061
01:46:21,370 --> 01:46:22,830
You're cute.
2062
01:46:22,910 --> 01:46:26,080
Are you cereal?
2063
01:46:26,170 --> 01:46:29,750
His love is just a game
2064
01:46:29,840 --> 01:46:35,050
All the pain driving you insane
2065
01:46:35,970 --> 01:46:40,390
Insane, it gets inside your brain
2066
01:46:41,390 --> 01:46:45,690
It stains, sucks you down its drain
2067
01:46:46,520 --> 01:46:50,110
Its drain, love is just a game
2068
01:46:58,120 --> 01:47:01,450
Love is just a game
2069
01:47:08,210 --> 01:47:13,380
No matter how you plan
2070
01:47:13,960 --> 01:47:18,640
Or craft a strategy
2071
01:47:19,300 --> 01:47:24,220
Once you're in the game
2072
01:47:24,810 --> 01:47:29,360
You are never free
2073
01:47:29,440 --> 01:47:34,610
You play it all again
2074
01:47:35,490 --> 01:47:38,820
Love is just a game
141461
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