Original subtitles

Chico & The Gypsies perform ♪ "La Rhumba de la Roquetta" ♪

. . .

Camera firing

♪ . . . ♪

Camera firing

♪ . . . ♪

Camera firing

MARLEAU: Oh, the bastard!

Yo! What the hell are you doing?

François Gallais

Checking out the little girls and little boys?

Think you're a cop? Give me that.

♪ Marleau theme ♪

. . .

Pénélope Milo

Motor starts

- "Hello, welcome aboard, madame." PENELOPE: Hello.

LÉONARD: "I'm taking her out, so I think

there's somebody for the whole thing."

- "Hello!"

- No smoking on board!

- You haven't changed, still just as annoying.

Léonard Michelli

- If you’ve come to settle scores after twenty years,

it seems a bit late to me.

- Stop!

- You're not going to back out like usual, we have to do something!

Look at me!

- But I see only you, my dear.

- Are you ready to take responsibility? If that happens it'll be our fault.

We'll both be responsible!

- Is the drama really necessary? You sound just like your mother.

- Well done. But you're not going to get rid of the problem like that.

- So what do you propose?

♪ Bouncy version of theme ♪

- Good day.

Stéph

- A package for you, boys! MARTIN: Thank you, Stéph.

FÉLIX: There's sure to be enough for three to eat.

- Stop it Felix, unwrap it. STÉPH: Hmmp!

Félix screams

Range Rover motor

Honks

MARLEAU: So? Clear off, huh! Ho!

- Go fuck yourself! Can't you see I'm having problems?

- I don't believe it. Slams door

What the hell are you doing? - Problems!

- Huh, 'problems.'

Hi!

As you were.

Italian And hello!

You, you're the fairy god- mother of the place, Cruchot?* * 70s movie character

I am Captain Mar-lot! * 70s movie character

- Well hello, Captain! - Hey, how's it going?

- Hi! - Hi, Captain!

- Is it this way? - Yes.

- Ah.

Not bad, huh?

BOTH: At your command, chief!

- Well first off, don't call me 'Chief,'

because it annoys the sausage out of me.

Roughly speaking, are you True-False brothers,

or False-True brothers?

- No no, they're both real brothers from the same mother,

and they should be real brothers of the same father, Captain!

- My darling! Stéph laughs

It didn't make electricity, strange. Huh.

Beat it.

- Lt Martin Peytavin, reporting.

- Hi. - And now, Lt Félix Peytavin—

—reporting the same. - Oh, well 'hi.'

You'll 'pay* for your wine later'? * Terrible pun on pareil/same

It's not cocktail hour. * Terrible pun on pareil/same

What time is it?

(For the evidence!)

Where is it? - So...!

Well, here you go, dear Captain, I...

It's an ear; it's an ear. Uh...

Here it is; the M.E. has already examined it,

and he said that it was severed with a scalpel,

from an individual... alive.

- It's cute, huh? Chuckles

All you have to do is find the head that goes with it.

We'll get the gingerbread man! Barely restrains laughter

- Don't joke around, it- it makes me want to throw up.

- Yeah, especially since we know

the person to whom this ear belongs.

A charming and handsome young man:

Raphaël Michelli, 17, kidnapped three days ago.

FÉLIX: We’ve set up a little something for you.

- It's charming. But something is missing.

Move aside.

Well, about time, huh?

'Captain Marleau.'

So, how's that little ear doing?

Affectionately I think it's cute.

Affectionately Hello little ear, Radio Fuzz here.

How much did your kidnappers ask for?

- Thirty million. - In "cash."

- Thirty spuds cash? Well jeez.

It didn't fall on deaf ears, huh? Slightly less restrained laugh

- So, obviously, the family didn't tell us anything-

- Until we got his ear-

- And that's when you were called, Captain.

- Exactly.

- Why? I don't think I'm paying, I don't have a dime.

Who's supposed to pay the ransom, normally?

FÉLIX: Ah, that's the thing, there's a catch:

Léonard Michelli, the grandfather. He doesn't want to pay.

- (Ah.) He doesn't want to pay.

Grandpa's catching sea urchins on his yacht,

isn't that Medusa's raft?* * Probably means Midas

The old miser refuses to pay? BOTH: Uh... no, he won't pay.

♪ Bouncy theme ♪

- This is where the kid was kidnapped, Captain.

- Oh, yeah, it happened right there. - Yeah.

- Well, that means he crashed like that,

so a reenactment means there were guys involved, or chicks,

who were waiting for him here in a car.

So, are you gonna play tough guy? You be Raphaël

rolling up on his scooter. They're waiting for him, la la...

When he arrives... BAM! - Bam!

- They slam right into him and the guy takes a tumble— there!

And there you go, he's kidnapped.

That's a pro job, huh? - Yeah,

only they didn't count on the old guy not taking it lying down.

Oh, Michelli was right, huh? MARLEAU: What?

- Well, in that the protocol is 'We don't pay.'

- But how do you free the hostage?

Of course you have to pay, dummy. - Of course, you have to pay.

As Mom used to say, 'You won't catch vinegar with gnats.'

- Stop it, mom never said that.

- She didn't? You never- - No!

Crosstalk - You don't listen! - Stop-

- Ho! Ho, ho! Come on! Give your mother a break!

MARLEAU: 'It's the women's fault,' huh? That it?

What really gets my goat is why they demanded the ransom in cash.

- Yeah. How do they know the bills aren't marked, for example?

- Thppt.

They might be boomers,

who think it's still the days of Baron Empain.* * 1970s kidnapping

- Maybe they want to do "cuckoo smurfing."

- Do what?

MARTIN: Cuckoo smurfing? Doesn't ring a bell?

FÉLIX: No.

- My girlfriend works at the Financial Prosecutor's Office,

she explained it to me. And I'm going to tell you.

MARLEAU: Yes? - It's a money laundering technique

used by "offshore" banks.

MARTIN: So, they deposit a lot of small amounts in cash

in lots of individual accounts.

I learned it's peculiar to send successive small transfers-

- Whoa whoa whoa!

Just so you know, a kid got kidnapped.

And right now, he isn't dancing the Smurf to Michael Jackson.

Do you want to end up at Neverland, or what?

Insects chirping

. . .

Raphaël Shallow labored breathing

Tom

Clanking

RAPHAËL: Please don't hurt me, I beg you!

Whimpers

Do you have any news? Am I gonna be released or not?

Cries out

Clangs

Honking

Ahoy there on the tub!

Now that's a serious machine.

Here we go- - "Oh, sorry! Stop, stop!"

"No shoes are allowed." - "No shoes, no shoes..."

- "No shoes, those are the rules." - Oh.

Your rich are gonna take everything from us.

Even shoes and socks, I swear.

Let's go. - "Really sorry."

- Ooh! Crosstalk

"Forever?" Indistinct

- "This way?" - "Yes."

"You can go all the way up." - Okay.

- There? Check, check.

Raps table

Like concrete. (Uh...)

Italian Hello, boys!

Spanish-French mashup How's the Holy Family?

Captain Marleau.

LÉONARD: Hello, Captain.

My daughter-in-law Isabelle, Raphaël's mother.

- Hello. - Ma'am.

- My youngest son Dany.

- Comrade!

Well, I'm hungry!

Well, then? No caviar?

- Yeah, I don't like caviar, it gives me heartburn.

- And what does your grandson's "kidnapping" give you, varicose veins?

. Laughs lightly

- I see, you're the kind of cop with a big heart.

- Hey, we didn't tend the roundabouts together, all right?

So keep it polite.

LÉONARD: We risk wounding your feelings of...

emotional constriction.

I have a revelation to make to you, Captain.

LÉONARD: Raphaël wasn't kidnapped.

This "kidnapping" is an elaborate setup

designed to extort money from me.

- Thirty big ones? Thirty big ones is pocket money.

That's a pricey trip to the movies—

—huh, Ms Isabelle? Chuckles

- He's like all young people.

Climate, ecology, carbon footprint. That's all he has on his mind.

So you understand,

I’m the big bad capitalist who's having a blast

destroying the planet with pesticides.

- Oh, the wokeists.

Hey— so what line of work are you in? (Oh yeah...)

The chemical industry.

Well I'll be, it doesn't just cause cancer, huh?

- You're forgetting that Raphaël

wants to hand this 30 million to his ZADist anti-megabasin friends.

. - Oh yeah?

And what do I have here in my pocket? What is it?

A Rémi Fraisse* memorial medal? * Eco activist killed in 2014

Did Raphael cut off his ear by himself? * Eco activist killed in 2014

Screaming

. . .

But it's just his ear- - Are you fucking kidding me?

DANY: What a scumbag! A scumbag!

He couldn't give a damn about Raphaël's politics!

He doesn't wanna let go of his cash, he's- he's-

he's out of his mind, he's so stingy that guy!

- Well, it’s true that you're sailing on an ocean of destitution-

- No, you don't understand.

He has millions upon millions. He doesn't know what to do with it.

He won't spend a single euro!

All just to keep hold of us all by the balls.

- And by the ovaries, you're right!

So he’s paying the Zucman Tax now? Has he no shame?

Now that's anger, not rage.

- Know what he said when my brother David died-?

- No. Mmm. - ...Raphaël's father?

Jet-ski accident? - (Oh!)

- He said 'that'll teach him to act like a playboy.'

Angry scoff - He's a monster. A monster!

- I'm going to pay. - No!

But Sir is too kind! Trills/growls

- But only 3 million. - Huh?

I didn't know you could negotiate for hostages like that.

- In cases like this you always have to negotiate,

and make them understand they aren't calling the shots.

- That's not stupid.

We could send a fleet along with your yacht.

And watch out for drones, huh? Because drones,

they punch big holes in boats, ya know.

- Capt Marleau, save my son, I beg you! He's still just a child.

Sighs - We do what we can, Ms Isabelle.

- But my father-in-law doesn't listen to anyone! He's just so...

Please.

When his wife left, and then when David died,

his heart dried up.

- Well, I guess your tears rehydrated it,

because he just said he'll pay.

- Really? - Really.

- He said you're going to free Raphaël? - Well-

We're gonna bring your kid back to you, eh? Believe me?

Though in what condition, I don't know.

♪ And the ear, and the ear, and the head, and the head ♪

- Are you sure that's a good idea?

- The kidnappers called you with the ransom demand.

Well, you're the one calling to give them their instructions.

- I'm not sure I'm the right guy for the job.

It's going to be all right.

- What if I make a mistake?

If I say something that annoys them?

I, I, I, I tend to annoy everyone.

- Yes, well, Dany, listen. For me it's very simple.

You want to keep them on the phone as long as possible,

all right? Then, I track them down in real time.

Everything's going to be fine, okay?

Yes? Yes?

Let's go.

- Shit! Something got unplugged over here,

but it wasn't me, huh?

Do you- You think they're stupid enough

to keep talking for a long time so we spot them and their nonsense?

Huh? Ridiculous.

- What am I gonna say to them? - I don't know.

But don't worry.

They’ll end up screwing something up— you know why?

Because they want, they absolutely love, the dough!

Laughs - Yeah, that's...

MARLEAU: Really.

You see, that's what will be their downfall.

They want the dough? Well, let them come!

Let them come and get it. But to do that

they'll have to show their ugly toad faces.

All right, what gives? - Right, I'm gonna plug it in.

- (Okay.) - Telephone.

- Telephone? - Yes, telephone.

- Telephone.

- (Thanks.)

Sighs nervously

- Whew.

- There! There we go! Laughs

MARLEAU: Well there you go.

- What do we do now?

- Well, we wait.

Play a game of pétanque?* * Like boules

You got rackets? * Like boules

LOLA: Pénélope? Can I speak to you for two seconds?

- Of course, Lola. Things going well?

- Well, no, it's not going well. Where's Raphaël?

- Oh, what do I know?

- Well, I dunno, he's not answering the phone,

he totally left me hanging,

I got thrown off the boat like a piece of shit.

- He might've changed his mind.

- Wait, what do you mean 'changed his mind'?

What is that supposed to mean?

You're not saying he just dumped me, are you?

No, that isn't possible, something must've happened,

I love him, he loves me. He wouldn't do that.

LOLA: What have you done now?

- Oh, stop with your paranoia.

I have a gift for you

You'll soon see, you won't be thinking about him anymore.

- What is this? 'Los Angeles'?

- Mm-hmm. LOLA: Seriously?

What am I supposed to do over there?

What're you doing?

I told you, I'm not going over there! I don't give a damn!

KHADER: But you're going to have so much fun there, honey!

Isn't a modeling internship exactly what you wanted to do?

- I don't give a damn about being a model. Besides,

do I even have the face for it?

It's Pénélope again, filling your head with nonsense, and you just listen!

- You're lucky, you should thank her!

- But thank her for what? She wants to shove me on a plane

to go to Los Angeles, she wants me to break up with my boyfriend—

—thank her for what?

- That's enough, Lola!

That's enough, you have no choice!

All of this is for your own good!

Lola, come back!

KHADER: Lola! Listen! Motor shuts off

Listen to me. In the United States, Door slams

you'll have so many things to do.

Your mother in heaven, she's so proud of you.

- Right now we're letting all that lie. I've already told you,

don't talk about Mom.

- Pénélope has nothing against you!

- But think about it. - Stop!

- She doesn't control us— shit!

You obey her like a little dog, day in and day out.

And Pénélope too— Pénélope does the same!

What am I in all of this?

KHADER: Don't say that, Lola!

Lola, come back!

Lola, don't be an idiot! LOLA!

- Well? We're hungry, we're absolutely starving!

- Yes, coming, coming.

Well yeah!

.So: Captain;

- Ah. Thank you.

there you go; sir?

- No, I'm not hungry.

- Ah, thank you, Stéph. Great!

- There... - Mm. Thanks.

(Okay.)

Mobile ringing

. . .

- Yes?

Distorted - Dany Michelli?

- Himself.

- Do you have the cash? - Yes, yes, I have the cash,

yes, yes. But, uh...

Tracking in progress... Loading but, but, I won't give you anything

but, but, I won't give you anything

if I'm not certain Raphaël is alive.

No, I won't give you a penny as long as

I haven't heard from Raphaël! There it is.

- You didn't get the ear? - Oh Yes, yes.

Yes, I have the ear, yes. - So cut the bullshit,

or you and your old man are gonna get his head delivered by Chronopost.

- No, well, that really isn't necessary.

FÉLIX: Yes... DANY: I get it.

Anyway, I'll do whatever you want, I, I, I-

where should I leave the money?

- We'll call back tomorrow, same time.

. Failed

- No no no, no no no no!

Two or three seconds, I'd have had it!

MARTIN: Disappointing. FÉLIX: Infuriating, infuriating.

- I'm sorry, I did everything I could, Captain.

MARLEAU: I told you so.

Anyway, it's no big deal.

Tomorrow we're going out to nab someone.

- You're preparing your plan, Captain?

- Don't distract me!

I'm totally focused here.

It's a ransom drop, you gotta be careful, eh!

Things can go south in a split second, kid. Call SWAT for backup,

if they have nothing better to do. - Very well, noted.

We wanted to tell you something, chief. - Uh...?

I didn't get the chance, with Félix, but...

But we're truly proud to team up with you.

- Well, that's good. - And a case of this magnitude!

- Well, no kidding.

- Well then, how's it going? Okay? I'm not bothering you too much?

And you: when you're done sucking up,

you can let me get back to work.

- Oh. All right, go ahead, Stéph. - Oh, brother.

- ♪ There’s rumba in the air ♪ * * 1977 Alain Souchon song

- Chief, chief, chief, chief, chief, chief, chief, chief—

—we received a call at the switchboard. - Is it my ex?

He owes me money.

- No, no no no, the harbormaster.

This morning a fisherman who was hauling up his lobster traps

hauled up a guy, a man, a corpse.

- Dead?

- Dead.

- Raphaël Michelli?

- Raphaël Michelli?

Don't stand there, go take a look!

MARLEAU: I'll join you.

I need to finish my drawing.

Waves lap

MARLEAU: Here we go.

Hello, comrades!

Hey-yup!

Hey guys and girls...!

- Captain. - ...and non-gendered.

Is that the stiff? Camera fires

. . .

Hey there, Q-Tip comrades. So...

...he has one;

and suddenly, there's two of them!

Oh, well that's fine, huh? There are two ears,

that's not Raphaël. FÉLIX: Oh?

- But I've seen that guy before, his face looks familiar.

- Yes. That's François Gallais.

- You know him?

Chuckles dryly

Italian accent - A paparazzi.

- Yes, he’s a total nut- case, always lurking

around celebrity villas trying to dig up a scoop.

- Has a nice record,

he's been convicted several times for

blackmailing celebrities with some really filthy photos.

- Ah, son of a...

- The M.E. says his skull was smashed with a blunt object

before being weighted down and thrown in the sea.

- But who could possibly have a grudge against a paparazzi?

FÉLIX: Uh... MARLEAU: Hey-

BOTH: Everybody! She chuckles

- And so nothing to do with Raphaël.

- I dunno, in any case, it's a murder

and a kidnapping, in less than three days.

That's a lot for Saint-Tropez.

- Yeah.

♪ Bouncy theme ♪

Laughing STÉPH: She really takes the cake,

did you see the way she talks to you?

- Oh, come on Stéph, it's just banter, you know how it is, it's humor,

it's just how she is.

- Yes, well, I don't find it funny.

And then you completely made a fool of yourself in front of her.

It's as if I no longer exist!

- Holy cow, you're imagining things, Stéph,

that isn't it! We're talking heavy stuff here.

- Yeah, all that.

Go on then, it all revolves around her anyway.

Sighs Pffff!

- Pffff!

Marleau whistling

Oh! Captain!

- You have a face that looks familiar.

- Ah! Captain.

Here you go, Gallais's "van,"

the one he used to go on 'patrols' along the beach.

All nice and clean.

Yeah, all set to search. - Open it up.

HEY! Gloves!

Do I have to teach you the trade or what?

Oh, so what's here?

Oh, it stinks! Bleeah!

MARLEAU: It's a toilet. - I swear, what the hell is this mess?

Watch out, this won't be easy to tackle.

- You don't like logging things?

- Uh, not really.

- Then we'll ask Martin.

MARTIN!

MARLEAU: MAR-TIN!

MARLEAU: Move it!

MARLEAU: Come and have a little look. Dogs barking

Here, put on some gloves.

There's a computer in here,

take it. . . .

Take a look at what's on it. - Okay.

So what's the verdict? Can you see anything?

- There... are quite a few interesting things.

MARLEAU: Like what?

Hey hey! That's Raphaël there.

The Sea Rises In Anger

The Rising Sea Lures Our Anger

MARTIN: Mmm. Gallais must've taken them at the protest.

Basins: Course Not

No Nature, No Future

Tomorrow is Too Late

The Bayonne ZAD, in the International Farmers Resistance.

- Ah, so proving Michelli didn't just talk nonsense.

Delighted His descendant doesn't share his politics!

- Yeah, but Gallais wasn't interested in the environmentalists.

MARLEAU: Why? - Look, we can see the kid.

He followed him everywhere, it's unbelievable.

Change Your Habits, Not The Climate

- Oh yeah. Hold it, that photo there!

The couple. - There?

MARLEAU: Yeah.

Who's the girl trying to pull a fast one on Raphaël?

- That? That's the daughter of

Pénélope Milo's gardener. That's Lola Dridi.

- And how is that my business?

And Milo-who, Milo like Venus

or Milo* like the actress? * Sandra di Milo

- Pénélope Milo, Déborah Milo's daughter.

- No! - Mm-hmm.

- 'Déborah Milo'? - Mm-hmm.

The cinema icon?

Reverently The legend of Saint-Tropez!

- Mmm.

- She died ten years ago. MARLEAU: Yeah, so what?

- Pénélope still lives at her mother's villa by the beach.

- Wait, don't tell me it's the Villa La Secrète.

- Mmm, yes. - Yes?

- La Secrète - (La Secrète?)

- Mmm! - (Oh yeah,)

no lie, the Captain's an old movies expert!

- Hey, it's not some old movie, all right? It's a classic.

Because 'La Milo' starred in classics such as

Cold Boulevard, uh, She Who Created Laziness,

and— if we're talking about iconic stuff, like Oscar, with iconic actors—

—acted with De Funès.* * Played Cruchot

- Yes. That was an absolute must. Honking

- Unmissable. - Wait, you think Penelope's

gardener's daughter had anything to do with Raphaël's kidnapping?

Or Gallais's murder?

- Thppt!

What do you think about that? - Well... pfff... it- it's delicate.

- 'Delicate'? - Mmm.

- Fine, let's go take a look.

♪ Luxurious, sumptuous version of theme ♪

Leafblower in distance

Knocks

Anybody?

Hello! Knocks

Double Game.

Hello?

Thppt!

Lilting Hel-lo!

She's everywhere, she is.

Oh!

'And the Golden Cruchot goes to:

Captain Marleau. (Thank you.)'

Door opens

- Put that back right now!

- Oh! Ms Pénélope?

Gendarmerie Nationale, Capt Marleau.

I'm investigating...

the inadequate housing crisis—

—that doesn't seem to concern you, does it? Chuckles

- What are you doing here? MARLEAU: To look at you.

Let's have a look.

You look just like your mother, huh?

There's the same voice too! Say something, just to see.

- If even the Gendarmerie is getting involved-

- With what?

- I don't think I've ever met anyone

who doesn't talk to me about my mother.

- I’m not here to talk about your mother,

I came to talk about a murder.

Mr Gallais, G A L L A I S. - Don't know him.

- Well he's a paparazzi. Ever have to deal with him?

- My mother was the celebrity, not me.

- Well- you've made films too, haven't you?

- No. A TV series that didn't work.

- (Oh!)

- 'Nepo babies,' it's tough.

Me, I happen to know the grand- daughter of a big-time producer,

and she was always saying,

Entitled diva 'I’m fed up! We want

to be taken for my acting talent,

not for my grandfather’s power.'

Giggles

- Nothing else? - No.

Oh, yes! Wait a second.

I'm gonna show you a photo here.

The paparazzi who died took it.

You know these two? Who's the girl?

PÉNÉLOPE: She's my gardener's daughter.

MARLEAU: What's his name?

- Khader. - And him, who's he?

- He's a boy I met a few weeks ago. - ((Ah. All right.))

- I don't know him. He's a billionaire's son.

- No, he's the billionaire's grandson.

They're cute, aren't they? Fake sentimental sigh

Doesn't pull your heartstrings?

- Lola falls in love every five minutes.

She's always been a free-spirited girl.

- That's my favorite kind of woman. Can I see her?

- Mmm, no. - 'No'? Why?

- She's sick. Marleau fake surprise-gasps

- No! How's she doing?

- She has a nasty case of COVID.

- Oh, I’ve had that plenty of times myself,

so I don't get vaccinated.

- Perhaps you'd like a doctor's note? - No, I make them myself.

Well thanks, I'll give this thing back to you.

And now I'm outta here. I'm off.

No need to see me out.

Shears snipping

Hello, sir!

The gardener? Chuckles

Are you Mr 'Khader Roussel'?* * Sounds like 'ground waterer'

- Yes. * Sounds like 'ground waterer'

- Is your daughter doing all right?

- She's sick. - Ah.

She's sick a lot, huh?

Well, I'm going. Have a nice day!

You handle them well, the- Imitates snipping sound

eh?

Strength! Car door opens

Car door closes, motor starts

♪ Luxurious, sumptuous theme ♪

Parking brake

♪ . . . ♪

Waves lapping

And Pénélope, she doesn't want us going over to gab

with her gardener's daughter at all.

And Khader's there.

Uh no, they tried to pull the wool over my eyes, they're

trying to make us look stupid with their, I dunno, nonsense story.

FÉLIX: You want a background check

on the girl, chief? - No, it's not worth it.

Well, if you look for the girl, tail the father, eh?

Khader's the weak link. Get the picture?

You gotta be pumped.

- Pumped, boss, we're in the "starting blocks"!

(No one.)

Traffic

- Hi! FÉLIX: Captain.

- The dough!

- We're ready, chief. - Good.

All right, how do you put this on? Oh, the mic...

The little mic in the scarf...

Spanish Discreet.

This I plug into my thingy...

There we go, there we go, there we go, there we go...

And that leaves the earpiece. Mm-hmmp!

I swear, it's handy.

So, shall we do a little test?

"One, two, three! One, two, three!"

You receiving? Martin?

- Yes, very well, very well, Captain.

- Martin? Has SWAT

arrived? - Uh, there's a problem

on that front, Captain.

- What's the matter?

- Well, they didn't come, I don't know why.

- (Really?) Don't tell me, you forgot to call SWAT?

- No, wait! You think you told me to call them and I forgot?

Well that'd be a little... But don't worry Captain,

I have the whole brigade here, they're excellent—

—Morgane!

We even have a drone.

Look at your screen, you'll see.

- Where's that?

Drone propellers

The cameraman needs to calm down.

You think you're Claude Lelouch or what?

- And on top of that, it's a real gem.

We can follow you anywhere, Captain.

. . .

He appears to snatch the cash, and like a flash of lightning—

—"boom"! We grab him.

- Hey, careful, huh?

No overzealousness— understand what I'm telling you?

I'm the one who gives the signal. - Hold on, he said,

they said— you're handing over the ransom?

- Well yes. Well... - No! I mean... I...

Mobile ringing

It's them. It's them, it's them. - Pick up.

- Yes yes yes! Yes yes yes...

Dany Michelli.

Distorted - Go to the gas station at km 14 on RN98.

Meet in 15 minutes.

If you're not there, the kid is toast. Disconnect tone

- (Oh jeez!) - No, wait!

Wait, if you go it won't go well.

They see a gendarme come and they'll panic for sure,

and shoot Raphaël! - Because you really think

I look like a walking corpse?

You mistaking me for de Funès? Honking

Know who's in charge here? It's Captain-

FÉLIX: Marleau! - There you go. I'm off, "ciao."

Radio chatter

♪ Bouncy action version of theme ♪

. . .

Drone propellers

- Uh, "test, test," one-two, one-two. He- he-

"HELLO, is it me you're looking FOR?"

Well, you gonna answer me, you bunch of idiots?

- Five-by-five, Captain!

- The same, Captain. No need to shout.

Well look, I do whatever I want, I'm the Captain!

♪ Bouncy action theme ♪

Tires squeal

The coat...

Laughs slyly

The glasses...

There we go.

Door clicks shut

Yoo-hoo!

Mobile ringing

Distorted - We said Dany. Who's the other one?

- Uh, Dany- Dany felt unwell, due to stress.

Let me introduce myself. I'm Jean-Claude Mi- Michelli,

a cousin, and she is Juliette Michelli, a cousin.

So, we're taking over. But for you it changes absolutely nothing.

All right? I promise you, we'll do everything you want.

- Fifteen minutes, milepost 25 of Departmental 93.

Only, Jeanette walks there.

Panting

. . .

. . .

. . .

Ooh! Ah-

Whimpering

Ooh! Ah- ah-

Panting over radio

- Control, chief. We're turning around.

- But- I've already been this way!

Grunting

Out of breath There. Oh! Ah!

Oh, fuck no!

We're back to square one, huh? - They know you're being followed,

Captain, they're shaking us off. - Yeah, so what do we do?

FÉLIX: Head back to the vehicle, meet at the dam.

- The dam? I'll shove the dam up your ass.

Fuck!

Grunts with effort

Whew!

. . .

Never again, huh? Never again!

♪ Luxurious, sumptuous theme ♪

. . .

Oh fuck.

- I, I feel like throwing up, I don't feel well. Can I go to the toilet?

- René?

- Yeah? - Toilet.

- Follow me? - Thanks.

- Captain? Captain,

when you reach the center of the dam, throw the bag.

- It's high, huh?

This isn't gonna go well, I've got a bad feeling about it.

- Captain, we're done. We can't go down, there's no road.

- Well, just get out the drone, dumbass!

- I'll take the bag. Hurry up!

MARTIN: Whatever you say, chief.

- I have to tell them everything!

C'mere, you. Grunting

MARTIN: You can't wait any longer, chief, it's now.

- Lucky they aren't ingots. Oof...

Grunts, panting

HEY! READY?

Straining And one...!

Straining And...

Grunts Two!

Some people here have it pretty good, huh?

Phew, fuck, it makes me s-ick.

What's your problem? You're making a face.

- No, I'm completely HS,* Captain. * Worn out

- You're HS? What am I supposed to say, * Worn out

I just ran a marathon! That's nonsense, man.

I reek of sweat, I disgust myself.

The guy's sharp, I wouldn't have thought so,

listening to that goofy voice of his on the phone.

- You think someone else is behind this? - Well, obviously!

There must be a brain. The guy isn't stupid, huh?

He messes up, and he sends his henchmen to do the dirty work.

Mobile ringing - It's Martin.

He went down in the ravine to see

if there were any usable traces of the kidnappers.

- So? - Yeah, Marty?

I'm with the Captain, did you find anything?

- Uh, yeah.

- Well? - What? Out with it! He stupid or-?

The bag is totally trashed, with the money still inside.

- What is this nonsense? It's nonsense, it's complete nonsense!

I'm fed up, I'm gonna slam the door.

Slam

Knocking YEAH?

Nonsense, I tell you.

- Why didn't they retrieve the ransom?

- I don't know! I tell you, it's total nonsense,

I've never seen anything like it in my entire career.

The guys pull off a major coup,

he manages to get the cash and just leaves it there. Ridiculous!

- Maybe he's missing a few brain cells?

Sort of a puppetmaster who isn't very skilled with puppets?

- Mmm. Or maybe—

—as for what happened, well, something went wrong,

so they all gave up and took off, maybe that's it.

- Yes, why?

- I dunno, ask him.

- What's certain is that those who were supposed to collect the ransom

were warned not to.

- Yeah, but by whom? That's what we need to know—

—do we have a mole here? - No!

MARLEAU: Well, all right, so

what are you gonna do?

You're gonna look at yesterday's phone calls,

You’re going to search and search and search, but find me something, anything, I beg you.

And make it quick!

- Yeah, yeah yeah- MARLEAU: All right?

- Okay, chief.

- Well, cuz right now we don't want them taking out their frustration on Raphaël

because they botched it. Can you imagine? 'Clack.'

FÉLIX: Poor kid. - Yeah. It's gonna haunt us.

TV football match in background

TOM: What's the fucking hassle?

Talk to me, we did everything exactly as agreed,

and then at the last moment, you tell me to drop everything?

Yeah, I don't give a fuck.

We've been "babysitting" and we still haven't been paid.

If this continues, we'll cut his throat, my friend.

Fred

TOM: Yeah, right. Just watch it, huh?

If you think you're gonna pull a fast one on us-

FRED: Pass the ball, fuck-

Pass! Fuck!

FRED: Hey! Pass! On the left!

Come on! Yes! Cheering on TV

Yes! Yes! Cheering on TV

Fuck, about time. Scoffs

Shit, he saw our faces! TOM: What?

Shit!

Don't look at me! Whimpers. Thud.

Thud

Gate slams, lock clicks

Loud grunt Ow!

Fuck, I really dislike massages, huh?

After the night I had.

- Not very fruitful, if I understood correctly.

- Hey, hold on a second,

I spend the night with whoever I want-

AH! OW! Watch it, 'harassment'!

Well, in the end, you weren't wrong, were you?

MARLEAU: Someone's definitely trying to manipulate you,

but it's not the kid. So who is it?

Is there someone in your circle who might be holding a grudge against you?

- I have more enemies than hairs on my head.

- Oh, well, that'll narrow down the investigation, that's cool.

Then again, does that really surprise you, having enemies,

with all the shit you must've done in your life!

Laughs

MARLEAU: Aw, it's fine, don't pull a Bétharram,* * Old boarding school scandal

'It wasn't me, I saw nothing.' * Old boarding school scandal

You can't just tell me about your money-grubbing company?

You earned it by playing the choirboy?

It wasn't by playing Dodo The Pimp?* * Strauss-Kahn trial witness

Or else it was an inheritance from your parents.

- Absolutely not!

- Really? There weren't two or three life insurance policies?

Dad didn't leave 3 million to his son?

- Certainly not.

You might find it amusing to learn

that my father was a scam artist,

a petty, unscrupulous schemer.

- Poor kid.

LÉONARD: Know what he did the last time I saw him?

MARLEAU: No.

- I was 15.

Every time he stopped by the house, it was a party.

I managed to find a small job to help my mother,

who couldn't manage to get by on her own.

I had saved up 50 francs.

- Oh, well that comes to €7.50, that isn't much.

LÉONARD: I put it in a little box in my dresser.

When my father left, I looked, and it wasn't there.

- No, that nasty old miser dad

goes and swindles his own son out of his cash?

Cats don't come from dogs, huh?

- Ah, yes.

You don't choose your parents.

- But you can choose your family,

when you come from DASS* like me, for example. * Social Services

- This may explain a lot!

- They say empathy isn't genetic, huh?

That may explain this.

- Uh, what did the Gendarme woman want?

- Nothing;

to tell me that the ransom drop didn't work.

- (Ah.) She's really incompetent, huh?

- Think again.

That woman, she's... she has something...

- What?

- She moves me.

- What's got into you?

- She's like a porcupine, defending herself against every emotion, but

believe me, inside there's a fire, there's

a hardness.

- Yeah, and above all, completely bonkers, right?

- That woman,

is like fire beneath the ice.

An erupting volcano.

- A little like you.

You two have a lot in common.

- You're right!

♪ "La Rhumba de la Roquetta" ♪

. . .

Olé!

Whooping

♪ Yup, hup, olé! ♪

♪ Hup-a, hup-a! ♪

Laughing

. . .

♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪

. . .

Laurent Mazingue

Oh yeah!

Hey, it's like STDs, once you have 'em, you can't get rid of 'em.

- So, we want you to meet someone.

- Oh...? - No, sorry, uh—

—introduce you to someone. - Capt Marleau.

- Hello, Captain. Hello.

- It's funny, cuz when I see you from a distance,

from a distance, you remind me of someone.

- Oh? - So even though we're in Saint-Tropez

there's a bit of rain, but a woman dancing

with gendarmes across the landscape, and Gypsies behind her,

it's an image that'll linger in the memory!

- Well, it just so happens, Captain-

- But Mr Mazingue de Trémy told us a great many interesting things about you.

- Presto: you have in front of you the owner of the Central Bar.

A legend in Saint-Tropez, the memory.

- So, the Gendarme is correct,

because— well, we don't really say 'Saint-Trop,'

'Saint-Trop' is for the tourists—

—whereas 'Saint-Tropez,' I mean, Saint-Tropez is truly wonderful,

everyone was in Saint-Tropez.

First of all, there are the Brigittes, of course.

Alain was here too. Romy was here.

There was Colette, Françoise, and Johnny, of course!

And Charles, and Juliette,

and even Jeanne, who came from La Garde-Freinet.

We had them all, Captain, they were all here.

- Fine, fine, fine— is it starting to smell like mothballs?

Like someone who's eaten mussels their whole life?

- No, so, what might interest you is that Lola met Raphaël in his bar.

- (Oh?) - And Gallais the paparazzi

was there too, he would've been around the girl.

- Why? Did she catch his eye? - No, she didn't interest him,

not at all, absolutely not, that isn't what interested him, that's what he said.

- No no, no no, Lola told him that she lived at La Secrète.

- Oh, well, still, that's not wrong.

- It was because she said she wasn't the gardener's daughter.

She said she was Penelope Milo's daughter.

- No! - Yes!

- Oh, when he heard that his ears pricked up, he went absolutely wild!

- So he believed her? - No actually, cuz the kid's a total liar,

she just spouts total nonsense.

One day she says she’s shooting a film with 'DiCarpaccio,'

the next she says Chanel has snapped her up to walk the runway.

She spins yarns, she spins yarns with everyone.

- I don't understand: if he actually realized she was lying,

why was he on her tail like that?

- Because he discovered there was a wolf at La Secrète.

- (A wolf? At La Secrète.)

- Hey! Honks

By the way—

—are there some new developments

regarding that paparazzi? - No.

- Yes! Actually, we did find two toll tickets in the sun visor.

MARTIN: Just before he died he did a quick round trip to Nice,

two hours, tops.

- Well, know where he went?

BOTH: Thppt! We don't know.

- Well go look! You lame-o's. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Chief.

Starts motor - You guys are real idiots.

♪ Bouncy theme ♪

Move aside!

. . .

Hey! YOO-HOOOOO!

There she is, the fashion plate!

I've wanted to see you for a long time!

Gendarmerie Nationale, Captain Marleau.

- Wait, ma'am, this isn't the time.

- I didn't ask you for anything, I’ve come to see the young lady,

I have a summons for her, take a look. Paper rustles

MARLEAU: Get lost. Come on, this doesn't concern you.

So... here. . . .

Why'd you take off?

- That's none of your business, right? I do what I want.

MARLEAU: Watch your tone, have a little more respect.

What does it mean, what's your problem?

LOLA: Well, Pénélope's my problem. - Why Pénélope?

- Because she wants to shove me onto a plane to Los Angeles,

separate me from my boyfriend, and can't stand seeing me happy, that's all.

- Oh. She doesn't love you?

- Well, I dunno, she keeps saying things like,

'I do everything for you, darling,' though she hates me

because I’m fresh, I’m young, and I’m vibrant,

and I have plenty of qualities, questionable ones, admittedly.

But what's more, my father— who's at her beck and call—

—runs after her like a little dog, that’s really starting to get old.

- But, how long has it been since you last saw Raphaël?

- It's been six days since he answered the phone or texted me.

Pénélope thinks he dumped me, but...

But I mean, it's not true.

I just don't understand why he doesn't answer.

- He can't answer in any case,

Mirthful he was kidnapped!

Laughs

- Raphaël? MARLEAU: Mm-hmm.

- But by who? - Well I dunno, I'm not a cop,

I'm a Gendarme. That's why I'm here. Any idea who it could be?

- Pénélope? MARLEAU: Pénélope.

And how would she have done it?

- I don't know, but it's what I think... MARLEAU: What's the matter?

Hey, oh oh oh! Hey! Your girl, she, I dunno, thppt!

Hah? Breathe.

- No, it's... - Breathe! Prove you exist-

I don't know, a, an illness...

- I don't know, I'm tired...

Wow— kids, huh?

Playful How are you, Pénélope sun-girl?

Don't tell me you didn't know I was here.

- What can I do for you?

- Illuminate me with your gentle Mediterranean light.

Did you know that

the Michelli grandson has been kidnapped?

Lola's in such a state, poor thing.

- No. How would I know?

- I don't know. Doesn't that bother you?

- I don't know him. I already told you that!

- I'm (disappointed.) Disappointed, disappointed, disappointed.

- Disappointed by what? MARLEAU: Well, apart from genetics?

Your mother, at least when she was acting,

I dunno, she sounded real. Whereas you were crap.

- Oh, that's enough now, leave!

- Oh, well now you're really all riled up. Really well!

See, whenever you want. Pénélope scoffs

Marleau chuckles

And lying? Do you know how to lie?

It's very useful to know how to lie in court—

—tell me a big fat lie! For example:

'No, really, I don't know him,

the paparazzi, but he never blackmailed me.'

'He never discovered anything about me

Grows tearful that I wanted to hide, never!'

See, something like that. Shall we try it?

(Come on.)

("Action"!)

Reverse tracking shot.

You're photogenic,

but I know your acting level isn't great.

I'm off, "ciao."

- So? What did she say?

- Fine, it's fine. Don't worry, I'm handling it.

-Yeah. I'm afraid Lola's going to explode.

KHADER: She's completely lost.

- Do you think I was too harsh with her?

She thinks I hate her. But what else could I do?

- Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Pénélope?

Take a step back.

♪ Bouncy theme ♪

Well!

Still here, are you?

♪ La, la, la-la la-la ♪ How are you, Lionel?

- Hello, Captain.

♪ La-la la, la-la- la, luh, la-la— ♪

- Chief chief chief! Chief chief chief chief chief!

- What? What. - Well, as you asked,

I reviewed all the calls made

the day of the ransom drop, okay? - Oh!

- And I found something very, very interesting.

- Well, let's not stand in the doorway, we're blocking everyone.

Clearing throat - So, we agree the kidnapper's mobile

called Dany's mobile several times,

at 4:45, 5:04, and 5:33 pm.

- Hey, are you gonna be doing the talking clock thing for long?

Keep going!

- So, better hold on tight!

- I'm holding on.

- At 6:03 pm exactly, Dany's phone called the kidnappers.

- Obviously. - And not. Not obviously.

- And why? FÉLIX: Well, because I was here,

I had it right in front of me, the phone was on the desk.

And no one called.

But didn't you say that, just before I got to the dam, Dany said,

Little girl 'Please, can I go to the toilet,

Little girl I feel like throwing up'?

Is that not what you told me? - Yes.

- (Guys, we have a problem, we're cancelling everything.)

(I repeat, I repeat, cancel everything! Cancel everything!)

- There you go, Dany had his nephew kidnapped.

You're not quick, huh?

♪ La la, la-la la la la La-la, la-la... ♪

Mobile ringing

- Hello? RAPHAËL: Hello?

LOLA: Raphaël? - I dunno how long I have,

I swiped a phone, but they're gonna notice.

- Where are you? Quick, I can't hear you. - I dunno, I'm locked up,

they put a stupid bag on my head, I couldn't see anything.

- That's kind of thin, can you give me any other clues?

Did you see anything near where you are?

- I see some tall trees, very very tall trees. Uh, hills...

Metal creaking (There's...) a water tower.

- But there are water towers everywhere!

. . . - Something big, gray, flared at the top-

- Yes, a water tower! But how do you expect me to find it

with just that? - A tag, I'll tag it.

I'm hanging up. Gate creaking

- (Oh fuck...)

Water tower

Water tower In the area

Yelps FRED: Get up.

Water trickles

Whimpers - Ow!

Gasps

Gate closes

Lock clicks

Key clinks

Softly ♪ Da da, da-da da da... ♪

Intercepted calls audio

MARLEAU: ♪ Da-da, da da da... ♪

. . .

Knocks MARLEAU: Yeah?

- Captain,

yesterday, something struck me about Gallais's emails.

- If they struck you, put the bracelets on them yourself.

She chuckles

- No. Um... ten days ago,

he asked his news agency to send him

old contact sheets from the 2000s.

- And, so? - And so, they sent them to him,

in Saint-Tropez. - And, so?

- And so, the contact sheets weren't in the van.

- Well where are they?

MARLEAU: Vanished?

Well I dunno. Maybe back then Gallais

sold photos to agencies in the gutter press,

like It's Rotten Here* * Pun on Paris Ici

or Paris Moche* or whatever. * Ugly Paris, pun of Paris Match

Go, search through their archives! - (Yes.)

- Guess who? - Ah! Oh, Captain.

She laughs You're the queen of pranks and jokes.

- I came to see you because

you're like the Diderot* of Saint-Tropez. * Encyclopedia co-creator

- Oh, Pico della Mirandola.* * 15th century philosopher

- If you want. Still, you're the Tropezian Wikipedia!

- A Tropezian tart! - But not too big.

- Of course. - The last time,

you didn't mention Déborah Milo to me. Why?

- Honestly, in Saint-Tropez everyone has a story about her,

but it was above all she who made Saint-Tropez.

MARLEAU: What was she like in real life?

LAURENT: You couldn't be anything but captivated by her allure,

she was fresh, so beautiful, so free on screen.

LAURENT: And then when she was only 40,

she turned her back and decided to do something else.

MARLEAU: She had everyone at her feet, why'd she quit acting?

LAURENT: That amused her most of all.

LAURENT: Then on top of that there was her daughter

who arrived here when she was 17.

She wanted to make it in The Business, so there was some friction,

and I must say that the mother didn't make things easy for anyone,

she reserved some dogs for her from her female dog.* * Held grudges

- Oh, yeah. * Held grudges

- Hello ma'am, Gendarmerie Nationale, I need a little information.

Can you tell me if a François Gallais had an appointment at your place?

This is a homicide investigation,

so maybe you could make a little effort.

Yes, thanks, I'll wait.

MARTIN: Chief? - What?

- I found them. - What?

- Gallais's toll tickets, to Nice,

he went to the Santa Rosa Clinic on California Avenue.

I checked the parking meter history, he parked in front of it.

- Well done, my dear.

What treatment did he go there for, his conscience?

- Yes ma'am? Yes, I'm still here.

Uh- really? Are you sure?

- Very good. Yes, I thank you.

- So? Hangs up phone

- Gallais met with an obstetrician.

- A 50-year-old guy going to the gynecologist?

- Oh, you know, these days... - Come on, don't play the old fool.

- No, but I have to live in this century. MARLEAU: Well, exactly.

- (Oh, well...)

Singing distractedly

Nothing there.

Yoo-hoo!

Oh, fine! I know what you're gonna say:

German accent 'Shut up, Marleau, I'm not in the mood!'

Right? - Still nothing, huh?

I thought you were supposed to free Raphaël.

He's still a prisoner, maybe dead.

- Yeah. Well, everyone has their own pace.

It's like the stock market. There are fluctuations.

- You boasted to me about your competence.

- So I didn't lie to you. You wanted the ransom back,

you're not happy, Mr Harpagon?* * From Moliere's The Miser

You're like all the self-righteous avengers-of-the-week,

you speak without knowing.

Money isn't what you think it is, it's

a, an extraordinary lever!

- A lever? For lifting what, Basic Instinct?

- The Earth! - 'The Earth'! Is that all?

Well, the cantaloup's good, it's big this year.

LÉONARD: It's right that you don't understand.

There's a difference between having money

and having lots and lots and lots of money.

Then, everything becomes possible.

- If you don't give your money away, what good is it to you?

- The only way to get money is not to spend it.

I'm a witness.

- You know what my aunt said?

'You know how to breathe through your nose,

so shut your mouth and give us back the money.'

- By the way, I'd really like to get back the ransom,

since you no longer need it.

- Well yes, that's why I'm here.

Actually, does Dany know it's over?

Little girl Yoo-hoo!

'We lost a battle, but we haven't lost the war'!* * Lermontov

- Hey. A Manouche* proverb: * A type of Romani

'When you're at rock bottom, there's no point in digging.'

- Yeah, no, it's over, Marleau, it's over. I messed everything up,

I'm useless, I couldn't talk to them properly.

Fake sympathetic - (No!)

Know what's gonna happen?

They'll call back nice Dany, they'll say,

Little girl 'We're okay, we'll re-do the ransom drop.'

- You think so? - Yeah. Come on then.

Come on, we don't give up.

Tearfully - Well...

- ♪ We don't give up, We don't gi- ♪

Get dressed. We're not giving up, but we are changing our plan.

You're going alone this time.

There won't be any cops watching you, is that all right?

- Huh? You think that's a good idea?

- I swear— Ritual spit

—on my grandmother's dead body,

we'll do it exactly as they said, by the book.

Direct exchange, Raphaël for the money,

'thank you, good evening,' no problem.

- That's good, excellent even!

MARLEAU: It's excellent, but it sucks.

- Why?

- Well, because the next doctor you see will probably be my pathologist.

- No, I'm ready for anything, Marleau,

my nephew's life is at stake, so-

H- how could I hesitate for even a second?

- Well I dunno, by thinking about it? DANY: Huh?

- Well, in any case, I really like you, thanks.

Hugs. You're doing good, little guy.

Cross your fingers and toes, if they don't call back we're in trouble.

I'm off. Good night.

♪ Sumptuous, luxurious theme ♪

- So? "What news"?

- "No news," Captain, Dany least of all,

in my opinion they'll never take the bait.

- You know, 'the bigger the lie— the bigger the lie.'

- No, he's not gonna come after two hours

to say the kidnappers called.

- You want to bet?

- 5! (4, 3,) 2, 1!

And, presto!

He won't be long.

And, presto!

- Captain! You won't believe it, but they just called!

- No! - Yes, yes, just now!

I did exactly like you said, I was very authoritative.

I said, uh, 'No money, no Raphaël-'

Well, 'No Raphaël, no money.' - (No.)

- No but, I was fine, huh? Relaxed.

I think they felt threatened, even if... not.

They weren't feeling confident. - Not in a good position, huh?

- Huh, what did I say?

- Well done! - That took courage, yeah, well done.

- Thank you. - That's my Dany!

They laugh Big guy!

- Yeah, it's thanks to you. - A little.

- Yeah. - Ah, yeah.

- Oh— sandwich, Captain?

- Absolutely. With a small brewski, please.

- With pleasure.

- Come on, in the office. - Yes.

- Now we need to stop acting like idiots.

There's danger for the one going there alone,

I'll be there to protect you.

Stéphanie, what did I say?

It's dirty, there's no point in cleaning,

go on. Whistles - Hmmp.

- (That's terrible!)

Okay, I'll give you the money,

Be careful, it's super "heavy." - Yes.

Crosstalk

- No, I understand it all clearly, don't worry.

I put the bag in plain sight

so they understand I'm showing good faith, huh?

But I don't let them approach if I don't see Raphaël, right?

- Absolutely not.

Raps desk - Captain?

MARLEAU: Mm-hmm? -Captain? Uh-

Excuse me, but shouldn't we equip it with a tracker,

so we can follow at a distance?

- What did we say, Félix?

- Oh, I'm Martin.

- 'All donkeys are named Martin'.* We said, * Don't jump to conclusions

'zero surveillance'! There won't be any cops following him,

he's going to go all alone! - Sorry, my mistake.

- (There you go.) Reassuring giggle

Gulls calling, waves lapping

Car motor

. . .

♪ You gave me So much joy ♪

♪ Dee dee-dee dee, Doo doo-doo doo ♪

♪ Dee dee-dee ♪ Laughs

Honking

Well then? I can just leave you here!

Tuts - What're you doing?

- Why do you get the front? - I have the tablet, you clown!

MARLEAU: Hey, yo! - He pisses me off!

MARLEAU: Hey, no swearing in here! - No, no Captain.

- We're not a daycare, so leave it.

Let's get going!

♪ Pianissimo version of theme ♪

- The tracker's working, Captain. Dany's on his way.

MARTIN: Such a genius.

Keeping the ransom for himself, when he's actually leading us to Raphaël.

- Well, until we get the kid back we're on best behavior, all right?

Because we don't know what we're gonna encounter, huh?

- Well, don't worry, Captain,

I'm reading the big uncle and the marked money,

Italian it'll be case closed.

- That's right, the case is in the bag?

Make sure your bag doesn't have any holes.

TV playing choral/opera chorus

♪ Disquieting version of theme ♪

Indistinct TV audio

Choral resumes

. . .

Lock clicking

. . .

Gasping RAPHAËL: Lola?

- ((Come...)) . . .

Wincing - (Stop.)

- (Yes, I know, it hurts, but get up.)

Honks

Car approaching

Motor stops

- You really made a fool of us, bastard! Dany panicking sounds

Think you were gonna doublecross us? Dany panicking sounds

We've been stuck here for days! - No, but, it was just-

- You messing with us? - No no no, it's just-

an error of "timing," that's all!

- Where's the money? - Here it is! Here it is, here it is.

The €50,000, as promised!

Now you can release Raphaël and everyone's happy.

Yelps

(Oh fuck...) - What's that?

- That? That's nothing, that- that's my-

my personal stuff, toothpaste- - FRED!

FRED!

Oh fuck!

The idiot took off, that way!

Shotgun cocks, fires 3 times

Tracker sparking

Engine racing

Raps

Signal Lost

FÉLIX: There's no more signal.

- What do you mean 'no signal'? What's wrong now?

- Oh, I- I- No more signal. I don't know, it disappeared.

- Maybe the tracker has a loose connection.

- Loose connection? I'll show you fucking loose connection!

Hold on, don't hit your heads! LET'S GO!

Thuds

TOM: One move and I'll smoke you, man!

- Come closer and you're dead!

Shot. Cries out

Shot. Dog barks

Thud. Fred groaning

Shit! Snarls

FRED: Fuck!

Grunting in agony

. . .

Screams in pain

Groans

. . .

- Okay!

Crap!

Gun clanks, dog barking

♪ Brisk, action version of theme ♪

FÉLIX: What the hell is this? - I dunno. Anyone there?

Hey-oh!

Desperately DANY: Help! Help!

- Go see, I'm gonna look in the shack.

More desperately DANY: Help! Helllp!

FÉLIX: I've got you, I've got you. Don't move, don't move.

DANY: I'm fine, I'm fine I'm fine.

- You nasty asshole.

Well...

It's a poop tank here.

- Hey-oh? Anyone there?

- Is he dead? - Thppt?

You dead?

Well, a little. - Shit!

FÉLIX: The kid's not here?

- Well, what do you think?

Oh! Watch out! A second one, not dead but wounded.

What's more, the money's gone.

- What does it mean, Captain?

Softly - It means we're in a mess.

It means the hostage has escaped,

he's hot on his trail of course, and there's no more money.

- Shit.

- What, 'shit'? Go get him, it's gonna end in a bloodbath!

- I'm sorry. I didn't think it would go like that.

- All right? You done wah-wah-ing?

Have you no shame?

Honestly, having your own nephew kidnapped.

If I were you, I'd say something about the result.

DANY: Of course I'm ashamed, but it's not my fault either.

DANY: If my father wasn't stingy I wouldn't have had to invent all this!

DANY: I'm 43, you know,

at some point you have to be financially independent.

- You're 43? DANY: Yeah.

- And still living off your father? Maybe this isn't your fault.

And Raphaël, who lost an ear because of your botched plan.

DANY: No, but- - That's not your fault?

- The ear wasn't me, it wasn't planned,

that was them over there, the two mastiffs,

they started to improvise. - Mm-hmm,

you're always blaming others. And is your laziness my fault?

- I swear it's true, when you came to the boat

you showed the ear, and well, I thought I was gonna die.

- Yeah, dying of rage,

because it completely ruined your

little harebrained plan, your little plan of—

High-pitched mocking voice —'Oh, well I'll order two killings

High-pitched mocking voice on Amazon! I'll take these two

High-pitched mocking voice and tell them "Kidnap Raphaël,"

High-pitched mocking voice then go to dad, crying "Oh please,

High-pitched mocking voice I need 30 mil for the ransom".'

Dad scrapes it together, Raphaël's free thanks to you,

and you, money in the "pocket."

- Well, it wasn't a bad idea, was it?

Except that dad didn't pay. - No.

- Oh, and you came here and

stuck your nose into my business!

- Well you're lucky I didn't put it somewhere else.

- But I had to make people believe that Raphaël was

was really kidnapped, otherwise... So, I- I- gave instructions

to the two bulldogs, and, uh...

- Go to the gas station at km 14 on RN98.

Meet in 15 minutes.

If you're not there, the kid is toast.

MARLEAU V.O.: - You didn't think for a second

MARLEAU V.O.: it'd be me delivering the money?

DANY V.O.: Well no, no.

DANY V.O.: I imagined leaving you in the dust, on the bends.

DANY V.O.: Then, when I arrived,

I would pretend to throw the bag away, but I had hidden it in the car.

MARLEAU V.O.: Ah, that's not stupid. DANY V.O.: Yeah.

MARLEAU V.O.: Only, we couldn't go down there, so we figured,

of course, the guys are gonna go collect the money.

- Yes! Well yeah, but if that's

what happened, then they could've gone and found the money.

- Uh-huh? - So I had to do something.

- What was that, the pee break?

See, that was it. That's what got you in this shit.

You took too much of a risk, my darling.

DANY: Ow... MARLEAU: What, 'ow'?

- Well, you tried- - I didn't touch you, don't exaggerate.

Your car is going to be impounded, it'll pay your bail.

Mutters Hey, presto.

Hurry up, I've got better things to do, I need to call those two idiots.

Come on, climb in, you'll see Montmartre.

- Not in the back? - No. But your belt, yes.

- Yes... - Quick.

- Yes! - Mind your feet.

- Yeah, it's Marleau. FÉLIX: Yes, Captain.

- So where are we stand

against the shit? - Well ahead of us,

but we're on their trail. - Okay, "ciao."

Panting - Yeah.

- Félix? Look, there.

- Mother Mary, he's bleeding like a pig. All we have to do is follow the trail.

- It's Little Thumb.* * Boy vs Ogre fairytale

- Yeah. But larger. * Boy vs Ogre fairytale

I hope it's not the kid's body we find. - Let's move.

♪ Brisk chase version of theme ♪

Motor

LOLA: Come on, come here. Hang on! Come on. Come on.

Irregular footsteps

Groaning, gasping

LOLA: Hurry, hurry. Hang on!

Gun cocks, fires, cocks. Lola yelps

Shot, gun cocks

Shot

Crosstalk

- Don't worry, just follow along-

He groans Hurry hurry!

Motor

- C'mon, hup!

Maxime, take him away, into lockup. Go on.

(No...)

Hey, hold on.

Speaking of...

How did you manage to come up with such perfect "timing"

for the kidnapping? - What difference does it make now?

- Well no, but a lot of things have happened in the meantime,

so skip the details. So?

- Well actually, I didn't want to do it right away,

I wanted to wait 15 days to prepare everything properly, but...

but it all happened so fast. - How so?

- Well, my father came to see me one day, and he told me

'Pack your bags, we're setting sail tomorrow morning.'

DANY: So, we were supposed to stay on the boat for a while.

- Why'd your father decide that? DANY: I don't know.

All I know is, a woman came to see him just before.

Pénélope and Léonard talking

DANY V.O.: He didn't look too cheerful—

—I couldn't hear what he was saying very well, but at one point

she raised her voice.

- Look at me! - But I see only you, my dear.

- Are you ready to take responsibility? If that happens it'll be our fault.

We'll both be responsible!

- 'If that happens,' like what? DANY: Well, I have no idea.

All I know is, right after that my father told me we were leaving.

So that accelerated things with Raphaël.

- The woman, what type was she?

- A pretty woman, not too tall... she had a hoarse voice,

and she was smoking cigarette after cigarette.

- Ah.

'Pénélope Milo.' Mean anything to you?

- No, don't know her.

- You don't know her, but I do.

Hey Maxime, you can take him, it's all good.

Go on, into a cell.

Radio chatter, gendarmes chatting

Knocks

Hey! Shouldn't have bet on the wrong camel!

Chuckling

The camel thing, that killed, man.

Music playing in distance

Sighs (I'm too good.)

Did we have a meeting?

Oh, it's... Ms Quenant, is that it? - Yes.

- We can talk in my office.

Here we go, here we go! "This way."

A little turn to the right. There you go.

And a little turn to the left.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's right.

- You work in Nice, right? In a clinic?

- Yes. - Santa Rosa,

obstetrics department, right? QUENANT: Yes.

- What do you do there? - I'm a midwife there,

and I've been practicing there for about thirty years.

- Last week a gentleman came to see you:

'Mr Gallais,' sort of a... Clicks like a camera

You remember or not?

- Yes. MARLEAU: Good.

I'm thinking— a cis guy, if he goes to the gynecologist,

it isn't for a pregnancy test, right? What'd he want?

Bitter scoff - He made me spill the beans,

and afterwards I thought I probably told him too much.

- No problem, he won't repeat it to anyone. He dead!

Laughs So what'd he want exactly?

- Well, he... he wanted to talk about a delivery I handled 20 years ago.

- A delivery.

And what brand was the baby: boy, girl, intersex?

I bet it was a girl, no?

- Uh, yes. MARLEAU: And whose name-o is—

—'Lola... Dridi.'

- H- how did you know?

- I know everything, I'm a genius.

So what was all this fuss about?

Was it 'The father who wasn't the father'?

Or maybe it was, 'The mother who wasn't the mother.' Is that it?

- Well, on paper, yes, but

someone had bribed the department head

to register the mother under that name—

—but, yes, it wasn't her.

MARLEAU: But who gave birth to Lola?

- A very young girl, only 17.

I still remember her first name,

like the woman from Ulysses.

- Nono the little robot?* * Anime character in Ulysse31

Oh, no, the woman, okay. * Anime character in Ulysse31

'Pénélope.' ♪ I waaaait... ♪

Yeah, I know her.

Okay, thank you, you can go now.

That was kind of you; noting it down in my little notes.

- He looks like he's asleep. Poetic, like death.

- Yeah, we forget he died from injuries inflicted by his partner.

- And by the lure of profit? - And by the lure of profit.

- See something?

- No, it's fine, I think we lost him.

- I can't believe we're here.

- No- I think it's better, well, it's better not to.

- Why? I love you, you love me.

- Yes, well, it's not the moment, we shouldn't, that's all.

You know, the paparazzi asked me such strange questions,

I just think this isn't the time.

FÉLIX: Gendarmerie Nationale! MARTIN: Raphaël?

FÉLIX: Show yourself, there's no more danger!

MARTIN: Raphaël, kid! Yo!

Gasps of relief

- Captain! - Captain!

- Raphaël's been found safe and sound, and Lola was with him!

- We took the kid to the hospital- and where is she?

STÉPH: Well, she's not here.

She told me to tell you to meet her at La Secrète, to search. Right away!

- Search La Secrète? Why?

- Don't argue, Marleau says to go, you have to go, that's all.

- You've changed your tune, haven't you?

- Not at all. But when I see a great cop I know how to recognize them.

Go on, go on, get out! Go on!

- At your command, Stéphanie. Laughs

- Oh! Ms Pénélope?

I have scoops and scoops and scoops and scoops!

Big Screen

- Oh, you've changed jobs. Now you're in the tabloids.

- Ah, well, cops and paparazzi are the same fight.

We both search for everything that everyone wants to hide.

(Oh yes.)

In fact, I'm going to show you something,

that dates from 2004.

At the time I wasn't even a captain. Look.

'Photo, copyright François Gallais.'

MARLEAU: It is indeed your mother, and her lover at the time.

MARLEAU: And the chick in the bikini?

Isn't that you? - Go ahead, enjoy yourself!

- 'Enjoy myself.' Hey, who's that?

That's definitely a guy with a girl who's ogling his girlfriend's kid!

- Do you see that? - Well, yes.

- Well you have good eyes.

- Not good eyes, rather: good pervert radar.

In fact, at first Michelli wasn't recognizable.

In 2004 he had hair. And it was blonde hair, like Lola.

- Well... What do we do now?

- Does Lola know that Michelli is her father?

And her mother is you?

- No. - 'No.'

Well, I understand better now.

I understand Raphaël and Lola shouldn't... blank-blank!

Well yes!

Michelli's grandson, who's having sex with Michelli's daughter—

—what are they, aunt and nephew?

A stovepipe* family! Well done, incest! * Incestuous

- I ask that you keep this to yourself.

You have no reason to tell her, none.

- (Yes, that's true. Ssssh!)

(Silence... within the incest family.)

Right?

Except I have a murder on my hands.

Gallais's murder.

This what he blackmailed you with?

That why you killed him?

- Absolutely not. Where did you get that from?

- There in your pupils, the chill.

Don't take me for a fool, huh?

Approaching sirens

Sirens

- Hey! Well come on, get out!

Ah, so what can I say? Over there,

inside, it's on the left. Come on, come on!

That's it!

Oh! Those are some hard-hitting brothers!

Find something?

- No trace of blood, Captain. - No, you could

eat off the floors here.

- You don't have a murder weapon either,

how do we prove it's her? - Mmm.

. - Thppt!

- So she won some awards. It's crazy!

That's strange, one's missing here.

Lemme see a glove.

How come...?

Hey, Ms Pénélope!

MARLEAU: Where'd your second one go?

- What second one?

- The second one, like this.

MARLEAU: Well, everyone knows your mother had two like this,

one for the film The Offense, the other for her career.

Where's the second one?

- Lost? Stolen? I- I don't know!

- Well, I have the impression that at the autopsy

we're gonna see some nice surprises. We're gonna see

the paparazzo's injury matches perfectly

with the shape of this thing— don't you think so?

- You'll come back and see me at that time?

- Hey, hey. Hey- Whistles

- Well, thanks, huh, for your collaboration!

(Excuse you.)

MARLEAU: Hey hey hey hey!

Let's say you killed him; it's an admission, huh?

Yeah, killed him with this thing.

How could you have done it? With your puny, muscular arms?

You, carried the body, lifted it, and- HUP!—

—threw him in the sea! Hah?

You're not a match.

Someone had to have helped you, huh?

Is it you, Mr Khader? Did you help her?

MARLEAU: Or perhaps you killed him.

Ah, the murderous gardener!

that’s something that there's still a market for nowadays, actually,

in the eyes of some ears.

'Khader the killer' sounds more guilty than

Vincent, François, Paul, or others.

guilty or not, for that matter.

Well?

It's fine, I'm ready to talk.

PÉNÉLOPE: No. Say nothing, Khader.

You've done enough for me, all right?

- How you doing, Greta Garbo ?

To play the actress, you have to know how to lie, huh?

That’s not really your case.

What happened with Michelli when you were 17?

Did he come at you?

- It was actually me who used him.

My mother was awful. she saw me as her rival,

so I decided to prove her right.

- He got you pregnant?

I tried to hide it, but after a while

she finally realized it.

It was too late for an abortion.

- So Mom thought, 'That's it, Nice, I've found a way to get my revenge.'

- She was someone who knew how to hurt, really hurt.

So she made me give birth in secret.

- And the baby? What'd she do to her?

She sold her to Khader and his wife,

so they'd say she was their child?

- I watched Lola grow up before my very eyes,

without being able to tell her I loved her.

Without being able to tell her who I was.

It was- Voice breaks

It was like slow, agonizing torture.

- But there's something I don't understand.

When your mother died,

why didn't you tell Lola the truth?

- My mother had completely destroyed me.

I wasn't going to do the same thing with my daughter.

- Might as well do whatever?

Kill someone? (To guard the secret?)

Crickets chirp. Owl hoots.

GALLAIS: It'd be a shame, wouldn't it?

The poor girl, it's going to traumatize her.

She's already quite disturbed.

And then there's your gardener, raising her

like she's his daughter.

We're not going to screw everything up now.

- Do you want money? - Apparently,

the money isn't a problem for you.

Footsteps

Your mother left you a hefty sum of money.

We'll see each other often.

It's pretty here.

Whack, thud

Grunts of exertion, blows, panting

- It was like total madness inside me, that came out all at once.

Softly - Well, I understand.

There was good reason for it.

- No matter how much I paid, sooner or later,

he would've told everything, that's for sure.

- At the same time, now that he's dead,

Lola will find out the truth eventually, right?

- (Yeah. I know.)

- Maybe your daughter will forgive you.

Maybe she'll understand, given what he did to you.

- I don't think so, no. Bitter laugh

PÉNÉLOPE: All I ask you is to leave Khader out of all this.

I'll repeat it to you 100 times if necessary:

I moved the body all by myself,

the body and the award, I got rid of them all by myself.

- Of course.

At the same time, that's not wrong:

when you're under the influence of adrenaline,

we're capable of lifting enormous things, huh?

It's happened before, even in the case of a murderess.

MARLEAU: Right?

Pénélope snickers

All right then.

I'll pick you up tomorrow?

Pénélope sighs

Sniffles

MARLEAU: I'm off.

Don't pull any bullshit, huh? I'm counting on you.

I'm off.

Sets Oscar on glass

Italian Good night!

Come on.

- I think I'm going to have a little trouble calling you 'mom.'

Laughs

- I love you, Lola.

I'll always love you. They cry quietly

- Well, go ahead. Come on.

. . .

Bell tolls

Thud

Breathing hard There you go.

Here, there's your money, the count is correct,

you won't have lost everything.

Strains from exertion

Straining And there you go.

- I thank you.

- There was really nothing to worry about, huh.

Since you've lost everything else.

There's Dany, who's off to jail;

Isabelle's running off with Raphaël;

and then there's Lola.

And Lola... Pfft!

You were never really a father to her.

- You're an excellent cop.

- An excellent cop, a really hot chick, by the way.

Don't worry, you'll make up

with everyone there.

You just have to make a large donation to them.

- I thought money doesn't buy happiness.

- Yes, in my world, when it's screwed up your world.

Speedboat motor

Upsy-daisy! Laughs

- I thought you didn't like money!

-Well, you thought right, but my "body" isn't perfect.

Do you have a present for me?

- Oh yes.

German Thank you!

. He laughs

- Oh!

This is how it goes! - There you go!

She laughs

HERE WE GO!

He laughs

♪ "La Rhumba de la Roquetta" ♪

MARLEAU: WOO-HOO!