Tunnel Vision (1976) subtitles – 100+ languages (SRT)

All language subtitles for Tunnel Vision (1976)

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Original subtitles

TOLOBEGIA TOLOBEGIA TOLOBEGIA TOLOBEGIA, UNCENSORED AND FREE

Where do all the people go? Take it all and see

TOLOBEGIA, TOLOBEGIA, WE LIVE IN OUR LIFE

FILLING IN REALITY, THAT'S WHAT LIFE'S ABOUT

THE LAST WEEKEND, AND WE'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO IT

TOLOBEGIA TOLOBEGIA TRYING TO CONVINCE THIS COMMITTEE THAT THE

UNMITIGATED GARBAGE THAT YOU CALL TELEVISION

PROGRAMMING HAS A REDEEMING SOCIAL VALUE?

LET ME REMIND YOU, SENATOR GREEN, THAT TUNNELVISION WAS

ALLOWED TO GO ON THE AIR OVER THE OBJECTIONS OF CONGRESS

AND THE FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION ONLY AFTER WE FOUGHT FOR THE PRINCIPLES OF

FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND FREEDOM OF THE AIRWAVES

FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND FREEDOM OF THE AIRWAVES IN THE

SUPREME COURT WHERE WE ALLOWED TO COMMENCE BROADCASTING.

IN THAT LANDMARK DECISION, THE COURT WAS FULLY AWARE

OF OUR OBJECTIVES IN SETTING UP AN UNCENSORED AND

FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND FREEDOM OF THE AIRWAVES IN THE SUPREME COURT

WHERE WE ALLOWED TO COMMENCE BROADCASTING.

IN THAT LANDMARK DECISION, THE COURT WAS FULLY AWARE

OF OUR OBJECTIVES IN SETTING UP AN UNCENSORED AND FREE TELEVISION NETWORK.

I CAN DIFFER WITH YOU, MR. FRONTER.

DO YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECT THE COMMITTEE TO ACCEPT THIS SENATOR?

I WAS MERELY REPOUNTING TO YOU A HISTORY OF THE FACES.

I KNOW THEM.

I CAN COME TO ORDER, PLEASE.

EARL, PLEASE.

EARL, WOULD YOU COME TO ORDER?

YOU MAY HAVE ORDER IN THE COMMITTEE ROOM, PLEASE.

PLEASE.

WE HAVE LISTENED PATIENTLY TO FOUR DAYS OF YOUR PREPARED TESTIMONY.

AND NOT ONCE HAVE YOU ATTEMPTED TO DEFEND THE CONTENT OF

YOUR PROGRAMING OR THE QUESTIONABLE ADVERTISING

THAT YOU YOU ACCEPT FROM QUESTIONABLE ADVERTISERS.

NOW, IN FACT, NOWHERE HAVE YOU ACKNOWLEDGED THE FACTS

WHICH POINT TO HOW YOUR FREE TELEVISION, AS YOU CALL IT,

HAVE CORRUPTED THIS COUNTRY'S YOUTH, DISRUPTED SOCIAL ORDER,

AND LEFT THE OTHER FOUR NETWORKS WITH PRACTICALLY NO VIEWERS AT ALL.

TUNNEL VISION IS POPULAR BECAUSE FREEDOM IS POPULAR.

I SUPPOSE IT'S FREEDOM THAT'S CAUSED AN INCREASE OF OVER

35% MORE MURDERS, SOME -- I CAN'T READ THIS SCRIMBLING --

FORTY-THREE PERCENT MORE BURGLARIES AND SOME 55%

MORE PEOPLE JUST LOSING INTEREST IN THEIR JOBS

AND QUITTING IN ORDER TO WATCH YOUR STATION ALL DAY.

I SUBMIT TO YOU, MR. BRODER, THAT YOU HAVE

TURNED THIS NATION INTO A COUNTRY OF SHUT-INS.

YOU HAVE HYPNOTIZED THE POPULUS INTO WATCHING

YOUR BROADCAST TUNNEL VISION DAY AND NIGHT.

AS YOU KNOW, 11 YEARS OF DEPRESSION CAN CERTAINLY

BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIGHER CRIME STATISTICS.

AND AS FOR A TREMENDOUS NUMBER OF VIEWERS,

LET ME SAY THAT I MERELY SELECT THE PROGRAMMING, MR. CHAIRMAN.

IF PEOPLE WISH TO WATCH IT DAY AND NIGHT, IT'S MERELY A REFLECTION OF OUR SOCIETY.

PEOPLE NEED TO FANTASIZE SENATORS.

AND LET'S FACE IT, THIS HAS NOT BECOME A VERY PRETTY WORLD.

ALL RIGHT, I THINK IT'S TIME TO STOP PHILOSOPHIZING

AND LET THE PROGRAM SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.

NOW, WE HAVE CONDENSED A RECENT TUNNEL VISION DAY OF BROADCASTING

FROM MORNING SIGN-ON TO EVENING SIGN-OFF.

TO BE FAIR, WE CHOSE THE DAY AT RANDOM AND MEREALLY CUT DOWN THE SHOWS

TO GIVE A REPRESENTATIVE SAMPLING OF YOUR PROGRAMMING.

NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANY OBJECTION TO THIS, MR. BROADER?

NOT AT ALL, SENATOR.

I COULD USE A GOOD LAUGH.

WE MUST HAVE ORDER IN THE COMMITTEE ROOM.

OKAY, ROLL IT.

THIS IS TUNNEL VISION.

GOOD MORNING.

IT'S JUNE 1, 1985.

TUNNEL VISION, THE PEOPLE'S NETWORK, BEGINS ANOTHER BROADCAST DAY AND SIGNS ON THE AIR.

AND NOW, OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM.

STAND UP, FOR AMERICANS FREE.

BLAINE AND NORWAY HAVE STeadfastly clung to their demand

that the Israelis return to the 1977 borders.

But both England and the Dominican Republic

have agreed to suspend terrorist attacks during

the conference, which resumes this morning.

We'll be right back after this message.

There have been so many books published through the ages that if you started today,

it would take you over a million years to read them all.

But now, with Vitabrain Capsulized Library, you can consume

in tablet form the world's great literary treasures.

At breakfast tomorrow, you could enjoy such works as

Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky with coffee,

Wuthering Heights by the Brontes with Apes Over Easy,

and Candide by Voltaire with your pruned Danish.

And by noon, you will have digested all of these great books.

So put your library in your medicine chest.

Eat a good book today.

All capsules are complete and unabridged.

Vitabrain Capsulized Library.

It's food for thought.

And now, here's our movie critic, Gene Scallion.

It's always a special treat to write a good review,

doubly special when it's someone who's been down for a while.

After years of disappointments,

director and the director of band leader Peter

Bogdanovich has finally come up with a winner.

A 20th century Paramount production called Beach Party 1985.

Bogdanovich has managed to capture the style of the

rock and roll beach blanket movies of the 1960s.

A lot of fun with hairstyles and fashions of the day.

We won't tell you anything about the plot.

We can tell you that Bogdanovich's beautiful 22-year-old actress wife,

Tatum O'Neill, steals the film with a wonderfully freezy performance.

Cast perfectly opposite Tatum is Marty Milner as the singing Coast Guard ensign.

The highlight of the film is a wonderfully zany

dune buggy chase which lasted an hour and a half.

Hats off to Peter Bogdanovich bringing back

a bit of the past once again as only he can.

And now, Melanie, back to you.

Thank you, Gene.

And now, here's Melanie.

Thank you, Gene.

The UN General Assembly met today to censure

Israeli aggression on the tiny island of Ibiza.

The six remaining members of the world body voted four in favor,

one against with the U.S. abstaining and then adjourned for the Jewish holidays.

On behalf of myself, Quant O'Neill and Gene

Scallion, we wish all of you a very pleasant day.

Rock star Jerry Garcia joins host Kurt Gotti as they

stalk the wild faggot in New York's Greenwich Village

on the National Faggot Shoot, Tuesday at 7, 6 Central.

It's Morning Lesson, Spanish for Americans 103.

A university extension course for credit with Dr. Emanuel LeBoer.

Bueno, bueno, buenos días, señores y señoritas.

Esta mañana de cómo es el automóvil.

The automobile.

El automóvil.

Bueno.

Y si nos tardes de macos, Chevy.

Chevrolet.

Chevy.

Chevrolet.

Bueno, bueno, muy bueno.

Y el número de acento 8 es chingo.

1955 Chevy.

55 Chevy.

Bueno, muy bueno, amigos.

Y si esto es en el dentro, es el tuques y rolo.

Tuck and roll.

Sí, sí.

Tuques y rolo.

Gracias, gracias.

Y ahora tenemos un supriso.

Los duches.

The dice.

Los duches.

The dice.

Mira, mira.

Flambés.

Un poco de tuberculosis.

Bueno, bueno.

Camino real movo.

Road runner.

Pip, pip.

Y ahora tenemos algo especial.

Rojos.

Reds.

Rojos.

Yo soy el perro de frijoles.

Buenas tardes y gracias, amigos.

This week, TV news explores the remarkable overnight rise of

Sirhan Sirhan, star of the new hit series, No Grudges Held.

Provocative reading in TV news.

At last, you can turn yourself into a cleaning machine.

Now, with my new Midas Touch internal cleaning

fluid, I can get the job done in minutes.

That's right, Mrs. Purvis. Midas makes housework a breeze.

Just pour a capful into your morning coffee.

You'll feel its whitening power race through your body in seconds.

Midas miracle ingredients turn you into a sanitizing dynamo.

Everything you touch will become hospital

clean, like your husband's grimy work shirt.

Or those dirty dinner dishes.

Presto, they sparkle.

It's made all the difference in my life.

Drink Midas Touch internal cleaning fluid.

Caution, the Surgeon General has determined that

drinking cleaning fluids can be hazardous to your health.

We're blindfolding Pierre Scouchet, winner of the finest cooking awards of France, home of the highest culinary

culture of all time, to see if he can taste the difference between margarine and Mrs. Pittman's dinner bars.

So much like margarine, you'll hardly notice

you're eating retextured herring substitutes.

Mrs. Pittman's dinner bars.

There is no difference.

Her zany fun personality.

Her crazy look at reality.

Stand back now, everyone here.

It's the best of Marie.

Starring Mary Tucker Thomas.

Brought to you by Metropolitan Room Freshner.

The room freshener that smells like five great American cities.

Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Gary, Cleveland, and Wheeling, West Virginia.

Take a vacation in your living room with Metropolitan Room Freshener.

And now, Marie.

Oh, hello?

Oh, it's you, mother.

Were you over here today?

I thought so.

Mother, the next time you come over here to dusk, don't rearrange my furniture.

Mother, I can't talk.

Freddie's coming over for dinner in five minutes, and it's

going to take me a half an hour just to find all the mushrooms.

That's good.

No, no, no, that's bad.

That's good.

Oh, come in.

Come in.

That's good.

That's bad.

Marie, what are you doing?

I'm helping my mother sort strawberries.

What?

That's good.

That's bad.

Honey.

Oh, mother, look, I can't talk anymore, okay?

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Goodbye.

I'm running a little late.

Marie, you said you'd have dinner ready early

so we could make that early show at the movies.

Oh, Freddie, don't be angry.

Look, I had to work late at the newsroom.

I had an audition afterwards.

Oh, Freddie, I'll tell you what.

We can grab some Chinese food on the way, and it's my treat.

Movies, too.

Marie.

Oh, come on, Freddie.

Okay, it's a deal, you old wheeler dealer.

Come here, give me a little hug.

Freddie, we don't have time.

Give me just one little hug.

Here's an important message from your air pollution control district.

Oh, here, let me make you more comfortable, sir.

Thank you.

Hi, I'm Nancy, one of your many street attendants.

Before you leave your house to go to your destination,

you should become familiar with the safety features of your city streets.

In the extreme unlikelihood that the smog level should reach dangerous proportions,

an oxygen unit will drop automatically from a pollution control box

located above your head at every street corner.

Do not panic or crowd.

Simply breathe normally into the mask,

hold your breath,

and proceed to the next APCD box.

This may slow down your trip a little,

but at least you'll get to your destination live.

Remember, use your pollution control box.

It's a matter of life and breath.

Oh, I don't like this stuff.

Oh, Carrie, vegetables are good for you.

Come on.

No, no.

I'll give you one last chance.

Okay, son.

I think you need to be taught a lesson.

Don't worry.

I didn't just kill my son.

I merely put him into a harmless five-minute state

of unconsciousness with Kadel's new phaser gun.

The phaser is the new, non-violent, bloodless weapon developed by scientists

to break down the functions of the central

nervous system for five minutes to five hours.

You're just an animal.

So many uses for the phaser, dealing with nagging wives,

a maniac, a maniac, a maniac, a maniac, a maniac, a maniac.

Even unwanted delivery boys.

The phaser, the miracle weapon that eliminates murder one convictions

and available in five decorator comments.

Now at Nifty's.

It's time to play Remember When.

The show that raises the question,

how much will a person reveal about himself and

his personal life to win some lovely cash prizes?

And now, here's the man who shows him no mercy, Warren Weld.

Welcome to the show.

As you know, our contestants are chosen prior to the show

on the basis of the most embarrassing and foolish outfits.

Now, Johnny, tell us who are our first two players.

Well, Warren, he's a bagger at the A&E supermarket.

Well, how do you feel in those get-ups?

Oh, absolutely awful.

I never felt more embarrassed in all my life.

Hey, that's terrific.

You ready to play the game?

Yeah.

Take your position right now.

Okay, now, Carl, Bridget,

we're getting poured some tough ones on this game today.

We're going to ask you some questions about

your personal lives based on our research.

Now, you must answer honestly, no matter how painful.

If you lie, our untrue answers will be picked up

by the electrodes implanted in your scalp prior to the show.

And the lie will register on our lie detector

made by ITC, causing you a mild electric shock.

Remember, if you want the truth, you want ITC.

Okay, here comes the first question to you, Carl.

Look up at our moniker.

Your father died in a fatal car accident

on April 12, 1978.

Can you tell me the intersection where this tragedy took place?

Oh, God.

Five seconds.

Uh, state and, uh, third.

That's right.

That's it for five seconds.

Congratulations.

Now, Bridget, we turn the ball over to you.

You were to have given birth last July to a fatherless child,

but you miscarried and lost your baby.

What would you have named it had it been a boy?

How did you... Uh, John Jr.

That's right.

That's it for five seconds.

Named it after his father, right?

Well... After you now, Carl.

Here comes your question.

You raped a young girl not long ago

and turned her into a vegetable.

Can you tell us what mental institution she presently is in?

Uh, that must have been the one in March.

No, Carl, that's not it.

Uh, uh, then it was, uh, in December.

It was, uh, near Thousand Oaks, uh, Camarillo.

That's it for 10 points.

Go on, go on!

Okay, Bridget.

Time for you to catch up for 10 points.

Here's your question.

After you lost that first child,

you had another one that lived.

However, you soon sent that child back to the

hospital after you gave it a terrible beating.

Why did you beat her

and what did you beat her with?

Well, she just wouldn't stop crying.

She was crying and crying during me.

That's fine, Bridget.

What did you beat her with?

Uh, uh, a plunger.

That's it!

You both tied up the game.

Okay, now we're down to the final wire.

Come on over here now.

Audience, this is it.

This is the big one now.

Remember when.

All right, Bridget and Carl.

For that $10,000 jackpot.

Remember, they say that he who cuts one first cuts one best.

You mean fart.

That's right.

Okay, now you have 15 seconds to cut one before your opponent does.

To help, we're going to give each of you a cup of imperial coffee.

Good to the last drop.

All right, now you have 15 seconds.

And audience, no coaching.

Be very, very quiet because our ITC lie detector will pick up any sounds

which do not emanate directly from the anus.

All right, now 15 seconds from now on your mark.

Get set.

This is for $10,000.

Go!

You did it!

And thank you for playing Remember When.

Good night, everybody.

This guest on Remember When's made producer Cy Steinberg's house in nearby Encino.

Travel arrangements courtesy Mrs.

Steinberg.

This is Johnny Malkin speaking.

Each week, Charlie and his psilocybin silly family of kooky, crazy chicks

romp through the valleys and canyons of the Hollywood Hills.

Gags, drags, drugs, and thrills.

And an occasional scrape with the law.

It's hilarious family entertainment at its best.

Watch Charlie's Girls.

New this fall on Tunnel Vision.

Beautiful girls.

They like the challenge of every new day.

You only die once.

So why not do it as a blonde?

Nothing can stand in that way.

You'll drive men wild no matter how old you are.

Be a blonde today.

It's your last chance.

Last chance.

The lovely way to die.

Here's the young people's at the school press conference.

We're smiling at the dark.

Well, hello, all you young people.

This week, we have another important news-making person

who will answer all your questions.

Boys and girls, the former secretary of state

and presently the commissioner of the National

Basketball Association, Dr. Henry Kissinger.

Thank you very much, Ed.

Hello, boys and girls.

Well, well, hello, Dr. Kissinger.

Hiya, kids.

Hiya, hiya.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Now, Flavie, I'm going to leave you alone with Dr.

Kissinger and I don't want you to give him any trouble.

I'll be a good boy, I will, I will.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Well, who has the first question?

Here.

What are your true feelings about former President Nixon?

I can honestly say

that Richard Nixon is... A colossal asshole.

Yes, a colossal asshole.

A colossal asshole.

Mr. Broder, I suppose the mocking of a former high government official

is supposed to promote confidence in our country.

That program is completely unrehearsed.

Mr. Kissinger's reactions were totally Mr. Kissinger's.

The cameras merely recorded the truth.

Hi, I'm Pete Bogliani.

I'm running for mayor.

You know, I like young people.

They got a lot on their minds and they got a lot to say just like other people.

That's why I'm going to listen to them

because I care about people.

And I'm running an honest campaign.

And with your help, I'm going to run an honest city government.

I listen to you

because I care about people.

Pete Bogliani for mayor.

He cares about people.

Funnel vision movie matinee featuring the finest in motion picture entertainment.

And now, today's movie.

William Cummings was an army intelligence officer.

They said he had one of the best minds around.

That he had a great head on his shoulders.

His future looked bright

until one day during the war,

a mine exploded.

Thanks to modern medicine, the doctor saved Bill's only remaining body part.

His head.

Since coming home, Bill's put his head to good use.

Together with his trusted assistant, Cooper,

Bill has become an undercover investigator.

The best crime-fighting team in the world.

That is why, if there is trouble, people get head.

Hi.

I'm one of the best-looking guys in town.

Want to go somewhere and shoot the shit?

Hey, sure.

Where do I meet you with my gun, Pheebe?

Get lost.

I just can't seem to get the first base.

I've tried mouthwash and deodorant, but nothing seems to work.

Well, don't worry about your breath and your armpits, Al.

It's your personality that stinks.

Yeah, but what can I do about it?

Al, you need new heavy changes, Ego Spray.

It comes in 15 different personality types for your personality needs,

including little boy, rock star, aggressive, petulant.

You should try it.

Then you'll have some women right away.

The chicks will go nuts for you.

Yeah.

Hi.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Well, I do now.

Your mother's passed away,

but that's no reason to lose touch.

Now, with your telephone company's new service, you

can dial the other world direct for just 90 cents.

Hello?

Mama?

How are you?

How am I?

I'm dead.

That's how I am.

How's everything going?

Yeah, it's already two months since the funeral.

Did you send a car?

Did you send something?

Nothing.

I'm sorry I didn't call you last night.

You're good for nothing.

Uncle Morris.

Hey, how's the food up there?

It's boring.

I feel like it's better than I think all... Your telephone company is new service.

It's the next best thing to being there.

Oh, they sleep is cabbage.

Wonderful job.

Very happy.

For real.

Recognize these people?

They're your mothers, your fathers, your aunts, and your uncles.

Sure, they're old.

But I care about these people.

I've listened to what they have to say just the way I've listened

to what other groups have to say.

That's why I run a clean campaign.

If you elect me mayor, I'll give you a clean

city government because I care about people.

Carmichael for mayor.

He cares about people.

You've got to level with me.

Mark, brace yourself.

You're pregnant.

He was the world's first man in a family way.

And all he wanted to do was find the woman who knocked him up.

It had to be you, Janet.

All the other girls had protection.

You're a disgrace to this family.

I warned him.

I warned you.

I want to keep it.

It's my baby.

Mark Parker.

He was strong and tough until he became a pregnant man.

Uncensored and free.

Tunnel Vision.

And now for a comprehensive look at international, national, state, and local news.

We take you to the Tunnel Vision in-focus newsroom and anchorman, Ray Thompson.

The fighting continues in Vietnam.

Los Angeles opens

its first subway.

There's a political debate.

Our weekly edition of yesterday's Newsmakers coming up.

Those stories and more when News in Focus returns after this.

This is our oil rig, number 32, off the coast of Santa Monica, California.

Last year, this oil rig killed over 5 million fish.

And we here at Axon are proud of it.

After our research scientists discovered that fish caused coronary thrombosis,

we decided to spill over 2,500 barrels of oil into the ocean each day.

Since 1974, we have destroyed over 22 and a half billion of these ocean living pests

in the name of community service.

Fish, they're better off dead.

That's why we're doing something about it at Axon,

the sign of the double cross.

Winfield Carmichael and his challenger in the mayoral campaign, Pete Bagliani,

met today for their first in a series of scheduled TV debates.

here are the highlights.

Look at this.

The man hasn't paid a dime in taxes in the last 10 years.

That means nothing coming from a man who worked for Tojo during the war as a spy.

I have proof.

Listen, look at the Pope.

Admit it.

You killed your wife in 79.

You're a murderer.

This woman you call your wife is your former babysitter.

You can't have a baby.

You want me to tell him why you can't have a baby?

Because you're a spanker.

Oh, you're a spanker.

Well, after years of controversy and scandal, the new Los Angeles subway system

got off to a shaky grand opening today.

Here with an on-the-scene report is Quentin O'Neal.

The line which starts here at Melrose and La Cienica

and goes six blocks east to Melrose and Crescent

Heights cost over a billion and one-half dollars.

The cars go over 500 miles an hour making the trip in slightly over six seconds.

An ironic note with the opening of this first subway station came the first

inevitable mishap and mishap victim.

Governor Mark Spitz said he didn't mind losing his finger.

It was his nose that was hurt.

From the new LA subway system Quentin O'Neal Tunnel Vision News.

There is no difference.

And now here with the weather

meteorologist Carol Barnes.

Carol?

The weather and the word cold.

And the news ends with an ironic note tonight.

The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that in a head body transplant the identity

of the person created is the head's.

In the case of Smith or Cannizzaro against Illinois the court upheld a ruling

that the combination of Donald Smith's head and Edward Cannizzaro's body

is by law Donald Smith.

Smith had claimed he was Cannizzaro and therefore

eligible for Cannizzaro's unemployment benefits.

And that's the news for Quentin O'Neal Carol Barnes and Russell Foren

this is Ray Thompson asking you to tune in

tonight for Vic Garvey and the 11 o'clock report.

Until then here's hoping all your news is good news.

Rebecca, how's your ass?

It's cold.

It's really cold.

Al is out with the flu but he has one hour to recharge a

battery on this week's exciting emergency road service.

How did you get this job?

The people purged the bourgeois counter-revolutionaries

on Mao Saturday at 9, 8 central.

You're a woman soft,

smooth, hot in the heat of the jungle.

That's why you want to

take care of yourself

and now you can.

At last, feminine hygiene protection in a simple to use roll-on.

Touch and glow.

It contains the complete adult daily requirement of vitamins and minerals.

But not only that,

it's fun to use.

Touch and glow.

Touch and glow, I love you.

And now, join the fun direct from CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia.

It's Secret Camera.

With your host, former agency director Francis X.

Cody.

Hi there.

Welcome to Secret Camera.

A couple of weeks ago when I wore this on the show, we got a lot of mail

asking if this was a regular CIA disguise.

No way, folks.

We would only wear this in a real emergency,

say, in one of the underdeveloped countries.

Give us a little credit.

Okay, we have a terrific show for you tonight,

so let's get started.

Our first situation,

we sent an agent outside the gates of the Lockheed Corporation where a top-secret

fighter-bomber is being built for the Air Force.

Now, let's watch what happens when our man

offers some of the security-cleared employees

money for classified information about the project.

People, people, can I talk to you for a minute, people?

Hmm?

I want to ask you a question.

Who would like to make a quick 500 bucks by selling some government secrets, huh?

Huh?

Hey.

That's it.

Let me see the money.

Okay, what do you want to know?

First of all, what's your name?

Ralph Stevens.

Ralph, and what's the secret code name of the project you're working on?

The code name is Zebra158.

No need to whisper, Ralph.

Don't you recognize me?

Huh?

Frank Sorby?

Oh, no.

Ah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Look right out there at that camera.

Look right out there.

Hey, look, give me a break.

Would it, please?

Oh, listen, Ralph, I want you to give me a break and smile

because you're on secret cameras.

Okay.

It's time for our innocent victim arrest of the week.

And this week, we went to Lincoln, Nebraska, where we

chose the name of Pat Borzak at random from the phone book.

Here's what happened when our agents went to Pat's house.

How was everything at the PTA today?

Oh, it was wonderful.

Really?

I just love our new house.

I think it's fantastic.

Oh, who could that be at this hour, honey?

I don't know.

Well, go see.

Okay, thank you.

Yes?

Pat Borzak?

That's right.

I'm from the Central Intelligence Agency.

You and your wife are under arrest for conspiring

to overthrow the United States government.

What?

The United States government?

That's right.

Get your clothes, please.

Hurry.

You too, Mrs. Borzak?

I don't believe it.

Our agents waited ten minutes for Pat to come out of the bathroom.

Pat?

Honey?

I think we'd better check.

Finally, they broke down the door.

And guess what?

Oh, my God!

My God!

Golly!

Well, Pat really fell for that one.

Well, that's all the time we have left.

So until next time, be suspicious, look behind every tree, because when

you least expect it, you may be on secret camera.

travel arrangements on secret camera courtesy Hughes Air West.

It's the second annual Primal Scream Telethon this Saturday and Sunday.

A 19-hour non-stop Primal Scream Marathon.

Get in touch with your feelings and join us on our Scream for Sanity this weekend.

If you're a family on the go concerned about what you eat Tired of the same

old burgers and fries and the horny people you meet Then come on over to our place

where everything's deliciously great At Broadley City We're keeping it hot for you

At Broadley City Where else can you feed a family of four For just $4.

and change Guess what we've got for you At Broadley City They're so sickening

They're so sickening Who are the dirtiest Meltyest, fungiest, fungiest

people there could be For Broad and Sonya For Broad

and Sonya And the rest of their disgusting Beverly

Sonya Sonya, I'm home Sonya, I'm home

Where's everybody?

Oh shit You've got it Where did this come from?

Obviously someone's asshole like your dog I thought he was housebroker

Oh he is

But he heard your mother was coming for dinner on Sunday Very funny Sonya

I'm out getting hassled in the cab all day and have to come home to this

Oh Ramon You had a rough day Oh my last fare was a

beaut The spick gets in the cab with a nigger and drag

and they have a fight over who's gonna pay the fare What happened?

Ah the spick stabbed the nigger What a city What's for dinner?

We're having it soon Esmeralda's still in with the customer I had fifty dollars

when I came in here All I know now that it's out of my wallet and it's gone

You gypsies are all alike What's the matter and have a good time?

What's the problem here?

Your daughter robbed me Robbed you?

You're saying my daughter isn't worth fifty dollars?

You greasy kinney

She ain't worth a nickel

My fungal mats

What's wrong with the world?

Hi little girl Hi daddy

Look who finally got up The sun get in your eyes?

Oh Christ Where did the day go?

You just went that way Please mother

Trade roll

Spansois papa How you doing Fruitcake?

Terrible I tried to score some smack today and three hell's angels bushwhacked me

in the park You mean they whacked your bush?

Hardly

They beat me with chains made me commit some

disgusting sexual acts and then they peed all over me

It was wonderful It was wonderful My son is a wonderful boy

He's so non-violent he wouldn't harm a fly

Unless it was open Come on what's for dinner?

Oh I'm afraid we're just gonna have to eat out I really didn't have time

You know I like a good home cooked meal

Then why do you go home to your mother you selfish prick I mean I'm out

hustling tricks all day teaching you illegitimate thought of the ropes

and all you can think about is your stomach

What am I supposed to think about your stomach?

Fuck you you Romanian scumbag

Do you think that degrading ethnic minorities is funny?

No Senator Polanski I don't But tell the truth

wouldn't you feel more comfortable in a bowling shirt?

Mr. Chair Order I feel these kind of remarks are totally out of line Absolutely

We must have order in the chamber I warn you Mr. Browder that we will

tolerate no more obscene remarks Tunnel Visions The No Bullshit Network

Tune in Wednesday night for Celebrity Wrestling when the

guest will be Jackie Kennedy Onassis Warhol Kennedy Bono

and Sammy Davis Jr.

There'll be plenty of action and plenty of excitement

as Sammy and Jackie challenge the pros

I'm gonna kill you got it I've got it Rabinowitz is fast Hello?

You're a dead man, Rabbi Rabinowitz is tough

Rabinowitz is tough Rabinowitz is a cop Hold it, Kinder New New This fall

Hey, hey, hey Mama Has this ever happened to you?

Baby, eat I've got a sausage for you Hey, broccoli Hey, hey Hey, baby

sit on my face

Well, it doesn't have to If you know how to be butch you'd learn you'd learn

you'd learn how to wear your hair

And how to add 40 pounds of unsightly fat to your figure How to select your clothes

When you learn to be butch

nothing will ever bother you again

Hey, can't you get it out of the bed So get tough Write for the free pamphlet

Learn How to Be Butch

It's Police Comics starring Lenny Benny as Lieutenant

Jackie Tonight's episode A Sniper on the Root

Limbeck, can you hear me?

Yeah, pig

Limbeck, this is your last chance We've got the house

surrounded Now, you want to come out peacefully?

This is your last warning Screw you, pig!

I'll never get up!

Okay, Limbeck If that's the way you want it Okay Send in the police comic

Now, this is really a tough one

He's armed and dangerous

You think you can handle it?

Don't worry, Lieutenant Leave it to me.

Lambach.

Yeah, pig.

There were these two guys.

Yeah?

One guy was a Chicano.

Huh?

The other guy was Polish.

Huh?

They jumped off the Empire State Building.

Lambach.

Yeah?

Who do you think hit the ground first?

I don't know. I don't know. Which one?

Who cares?

Okay, I give up. I give up.

All right, men. Move in.

Well, that was good work, Lieutenant Jackie.

My pleasure.

This is tunnel vision.

Watch the vacant lot. It's a lot of laughs.

Sunday at 6:30, 4:30 Central.

Hey, Leon Russell here with a unique gift idea for Valentine's Day this year.

Say I love you with the Western Union marijuana grandma lid.

And it's so easy.

Just pick up your phone and your order will be sent by Y via a dealer's coast to coast.

And you specify if you want your dope rolled, cleaned or loose.

Your loved one will stay ripped with our beautifully

wrapped package of doobies from Jamaica or Mexico.

It's a together way to give a buzz to someone you love.

So this year, say hi, bye-bye, and tell them Leon's thing.

Western Union Marijuanagram.

Thanks, father.

He's a shmuck.

He's got a look.

And that's why his network's in last place.

He's the king of TV.

Yeah, yeah, hall, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, get me the overnights in the shares and ratings on Friday's murder mission.

Okay, sweetie, honey?

Yeah.

Good, good, good, good, good.

And then the research and testing's on the pilot.

The killer is a murderer, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sweetie, sweetie.

Look, look, we gotta find something to stick in the opening slot on Sunday nights

or the whole Sunday schedule will be murdered.

Yeah, I love you too, sweetie.

Okay.

La Bistro at 12 o'clock.

Goodbye, I love you.

You're beautiful.

Asshole.

Jesus Christ.

Somewhere in this town, there's gotta be somebody with a show

strong enough to kill the fucking wonderful world of Disney.

Of course, J.R., we'll have that order for you first thing in the morning.

Believe it or not, right now, I'm going to the bathroom and closing this big deal.

It's easy with Dispozo.

And thanks for calling any time we can be of help.

Dispozo, the executive facility from $219.

Murray!

Hey, guy!

How you doing?

Murray, how are you?

I'm fine, budgey.

How you doing, huh?

Good, good.

Nothing personal.

Yeah.

Well, you know, Murray, you know how I am.

I just find the best shit that I know how and I put it together.

Yeah.

You wear it well, too, guy.

You know, you look terrific.

So tell me, you're a genius, right?

Right.

What do you got in store for my Sunday night line-up?

Pitch!

Pitch to me!

Murray, you better sit down because this is going to knock you right off your feet.

Sit.

Okay.

You're terrific.

Come on, pitch to me.

What do you got?

Okay, Murray, here it is.

Okay, it's called the Million Dollar Ice Cream Truck.

It's a story about a guy who goes from town to town, city to city, selling Eskimo pie.

Right away, you grab the kids.

You get the kids right away.

Okay?

Now, we throw in a little bit of a guy, right?

All right, what do you got in store for my Sunday night line-up?

What do you got in store for my Sunday night line-up?

Pitch!

Pitch to me!

Hey!

Murray, you better sit down because this is going to knock you right off your feet.

Sit.

Okay.

You're terrific.

Come on, pitch to me.

What do you got?

Okay, Murray, here it is.

Okay, it's called the Million Dollar Ice Cream Truck.

It's a story about a guy who goes from town to town, city to city, selling Eskimo pie.

Right away, you grab the kids.

You get the kids right away.

Okay?

Now, we throw in a little bit of adult shit.

You know, like vasectomy or something like that.

And then, Murray, I'm sure we got a winner.

Yeah.

Except for one thing.

What?

We had a guy eating an ice cream cone on Son of Cannon last week.

Our show, which you produced.

Well, so what has that got to do with it?

Hey, don't get me into that crap.

I watch a damn tube 25 hours a day.

I know it, Son.

Get out of here, you fucking fucking asshole.

Hey, hey, look.

I can take this to Grand Tinker.

Fuck you.

Ice cream.

Fucking idiot.

Ice cream.

Mr. Goldstern.

Yeah?

Mr. Milt Meadows.

Send him in.

What?

Murray, Murray, Murray.

Milt, Milt.

You look great, Milt.

Terrific to see you.

You know, you're one of the best agents in town.

So tell me, what do you got in store for my Sunday night lineup, Milt?

Pitch to me.

Pitch.

I've got such a winner that I creamed in the cab on the way over here.

Pitch!

the longest extension bridge in the world connecting

palm springs california with melbourne australia

this is bob stewart television news somewhere in

the south pacific an irish center is accused of

murder on animal lawyer sunday at 9 8 42 central

it all started in 1965 and soon there were hundreds

and thousands of them a youth culture who proposed

an alternate lifestyle drugs pickup trucks communes

and filth with their by words today just 20 years later only two of them remain

a look at the remnants of a dead dream on the

last hippies a tunnel vision late night special

thursday at 3 a.m 2 a.m central really okay so dig

it so like i'm thinking okay man if the dude is

that heavy they're like you know why mess with it

can you see where i'm coming from oh really heavy

for sure man for sure man for sure for sure man for sure dig it

and now for a look at world national and local

news direct from the tunnel vision newsroom

it's the 11 o'clock news with dick garvey good

evening welcome to in focus news i'm dick garvey the

race for mayor is wide open tonight in that both

candidates democrat pete bagliani and republican

winfield carmichael have withdrawn from the campaign

bagliani was indicted this evening on 17 counts of

first-degree murder and is in the l.

a county jail carmichael also indicted this evening on charges of

misappropriation of funds and espionage president

signs four new bills details when tunnel vision 11

o'clock news continues following this nothing

is more embarrassing than a nervous breakdown

especially if it's you hi i'm chevy chase last year

over 40 000 americans suffered the disgrace and

humiliation of total emotional collapse their

dignity forever shattered many could have been

saved simply by heating these five early warning

signs you have a mental problem if you call your

mother for a date have an urge to sleep at wayne newton's

house wet your child's bed walk into a hell's angels

bar and yell all you biker suck actually believe that

you can make a difference if you have any of these

symptoms contact your local doctor think it's a long way back

in a historic precedent president eisenhower signed

into law today a bill that makes language lab

mandatory for all americans over the age of 18.

you have 10 days to register under the new law

for a choice of french spanish or esperanto which

must be taken in twice weekly three-hour sessions

the vietnamese american community of great neck

long island the suburb of new york city took their

school district to court today seems the gooks

have protested that the busing of their youngsters

to hartford connecticut there's a lot of action at

the forum tonight where in the second period the

knicks are leading the lakers 46 to 32 we take

you for a direct report from the nba's only player

announcer number 19 big brian amish well michaels

michaels has got the ball he's had a terrific game

just a terrific game looking for somebody to pass

to and he's passed it to me and i've got the ball

buchowski's on me at polack strip me twice already

right i go i'm going to make a move i can't pass to

anybody i think what i'm going to do is fake right

and go right down that middle here i go right there's

my fake and here's my fake and here i go i'm up oh i got

hit down in pain i've been terrible pain oh my god i'm

out for the year i can't believe it's my ankle and

goddamn buchowski's trainer ross breaks looking at

my legs oh i can't believe the pain the championship

hopes of the team rest on my ankle what do you think

what do you think i'm alright i'm okay james

i'm okay where's that bukowski oh that he's got

son of a son of a son of a bitch limping to the

foul line personal foul two shots jesus if that

bukowski hits me again i'll kill him back to you

ray well our own scandals here in l.

a reminds us of some from yesteryear after a difficult

investigation tunnel vision tracked down former

president richard m nixon who's now living in a

small house in the compton area of los angeles

good morning yeah tunnel vision news here oh man

look i gave it to all last night no no no so you

don't understand now we're looking for uh we're

looking for somebody who uh we're looking for richard

m nixon is he at home oh no no dick dick not here

man he's not here oh can you tell me if the former

first lady is at home no no she's not home here

but as a matter of fact she doesn't even live here

anymore uh why is that a long time well what

happened to it well uh they had an argument over

the bathroom see dick spent a lot of time in the

bathroom and uh that was the reason she left because

she couldn't ever get a chance here's bathroom

and and uh i just had a big argument who you sir

well i'm joe man i i stay here this is my pad i

see uh uh what is your relationship with mr nixon

uh it's just bad man i mean the guy is uh it's a

nuisance man you know he gets around here and like

i say he spent three-fourth of the time in the

bathroom if you're not doing that he's sitting

around going over speech you know loud talking to

everybody and it's pitiful man but the only reason

he's standing here because he's paying the rent i

see well you all remember that tragedy last month

when kenya exploded its first nuclear device well

today poland became the 112th nuclear power when it

successfully tested a 50 megaton device in downtown

warsaw when asked about the wisdom of dropping a

nuclear bomb on such a heavily populated area president

gorky kapusta said that's why we dropped it at night

u.s ambassador to poland mason reese says the blast

will restore national pride which has been low during

the last five years of famine and on that optimistic

note this is big garvey speaking for the entire tunnel

vision news team wishing you very very pleasant good evening

uprising in portugal scheduled to start 7 a.

m tomorrow tune in for the pre-war show with

joe gorgonzola at 6 45. let's go shoot up

recently this station broadcast an editorial deploring

the leniency of the courts in cases of sexual deviance

here in rebuttal is rc call known exhibitionist

and frequent patron of the venus adult theater and

bookshop society has long held that the deviant

is excuse me do you mind if i move a little closer

there now i can see you better as i said society

has long held that the deviant is a freak an outcast

are you wearing tight clothes do they show off your body

what i mean is equality is something that should be for all people

how does your bicycle seat smell after a hard day's ride huh

what i mean to say is that society has long made a mockery

i will give 25 to a woman who will sell me her used pantyhose

a little girl would you like a piece of candy

huh somebody step on me in their spike heels hey

hey look at this you want to take a look huh how

about it golden shower huh have you ever heard

that term golden shower huh somebody just pee on me pee on my chest

pee on my chest right now shit on my face huh come

on would you like to do that i can show you a good

time this has been a rebuttal to an editorial

transcripts are available by writing tunnel vision uncensored and free tunnel vision

delicatessen owner serves his own tongue to save

money your phone call decides his fate on you the jury

july 4th at 2 o'clock around 12 30 central it's not

old vision at midnight presents another 10 round

knockdown drag out concert your chance to hit

the hit makers sock the rockers roll the rollers

and beat the band direct from madison square garden it's a big beat

ladies and gentlemen

have a big round of applause for roggy ruth rooster makes me eat his knuckle sandwich

he uses his own fish he makes me eat his knuckle sandwich clears down

okay tight walkers here he is frankie segway

she gets too hungry yeah she likes the theater

but she never ever dig way she's never fun

The End Convert.

The church is changing.

And now, as a community service, Tunnel Vision presents Suspects Wanted.

Here's Goucher, former head chef of Le Grand Boucher, Paris, France.

Wanted internationally on 93 counts of breaking and entering.

He is blindfolded and carries a piece of bread,

and he is believed to be mentally deranged.

The Pep Boys, Manny, Moe, and Jack.

Wanted on numerous counts of grand theft for their sensational

1981 robbery of the L.A. Coliseum during a Rams-Viking game.

The boys stopped the action and demanded that

all 83,000 fans throw down their wallets.

Which they quickly collected and stuffed in a getaway car driven

by 24-year-old former Maharishi G, a.k.a. the perfect driver.

Former politician Pete Bagliani for his daring escape from Folsom State Prison

after assaulting two guards and killing fellow inmate Winfield Carmichael.

If you have any information leading to the whereabouts of these

suspects, call or write Tunnel Vision, Hollywood, California.

Tunnel Vision, the no bullshit network.

And now, Tunnel Vision, the people's network, signs off the air.

On behalf of the staff and management, we bid you good night.

Mr. Rotor, how do you feel now that the Senate

Committee has voted in favor of Tunnel Vision?

Relieved, vindicated, terrific.

Mr. Rotor, sir, what are your plans for the future of Tunnel Vision?

Well, I hope we can continue to make television that people will watch.

Oh, yeah.

Mr. Rotor, how do you choose these shows?

Well, if I'm watching it, my ass begins squirming.

I know I've got a winner.

No, no, actually, there's a whole committee of people.

We repeat, Christian A. Broder, the media genius who founded

and served as the president of Tunnel Vision, is dead.

Victim of a mad assassin's bullet.

Capital police are still pursuing his murderer who escaped after the slaying.

Broder was 35.

Fire Minister Yistak Robbins, speaking from Israel's European headquarters in Paris,

said that it's been confirmed that Israel has agreed to sell

50 more Mitzvah jets to the People's Republic of Vietnam.

The infant identification program celebrated its first anniversary early today with the birth

at exactly 12 midnight of 7-pound, 3-ounce Carla Jane Rose, legally known as 6700-129834.

Our congratulations to the proud parents of 6700-129834.

Well, New York City has a new owner tonight.

He's Japanese businessman Mitsu Soni, who had bought it from Arab financier

Muhammad Abdul, who had bought it from Wall Street wizard Mo Green.

Soni plans to turn the city into a Shinto retreat.

Hi, does this look good to you?

This is television of the future.

And here's a sneak preview of the new shows you'll see on Tunnel Vision, 1985.

On Mondays, laugh it up with the best of Marie.

Just one little hug.

Oh.

Stand back.

Everyone here comes Marie.

Followed by, knocked up and on the run, the pregnant man.

It's hilarious family entertainment with those cut-up cuties on Charlie's Girls.

Whoo!

Romanian scumbag.

Then, catch the scintillating wit and warmth of Ramon and Sonia.

It's rib-tickling humor at its best.

That was good work, Lieutenant Jackie.

My pleasure.

Buzz with the fuzz on Police Comic.

Then, join our in-focus news team of crack reporters in the field and in action.

Let's go shoot up.

Tunnel Vision.

The gnome bullshit network.

Watch game shows where the contestants will do absolutely anything for money.

This is for $10,000.

Go!

It's a fun-filled blast and a half.

See epic blockbuster movies made especially for Tunnel Vision.

I won't tell you anything about the plot.

Direct from Matt.

It's the Rolling Star.

On Saturday night.

Hi.

I'm Chevy Chase.

Chevy.

Chevrolet.

Learn wetback English and evade the border patrol.

Stalk the wild faggot in New York's Greenwich Village on the National Faggot Shoot.

So this year, say hi, bye-bye, and tell Leon things.

Western Union Marijuanagram.

Thanks, Bob.

Tunnel Vision.

Dealing in reality.

That's what life's about.

This is Tunnel Vision.

I can show you a good time.