Original subtitles

The Argyle is having a few tiny financial issues.

When I do iron out these financial issues, I get my job back, yes?

Yes, yes, yes.

Christian, this is Nick, CEO of Chevy's Chicken.

So, here's the pitch - Chevy's Chickens sponsors the Argyle Theatre.

I think we might have a deal.

Dad said mum went psycho after having me. He had to go.

I know he's your dad but trust me, he's not a good guy.

Please don't let him Melissa-Caddick you.

Reminds me of the time Papa took me to Paris.

Oh, I remember when Papa took me to Paris...

# Papa took me to Paris He said to me, you're... #

Brayden Lowe, captain of the Tigers, wants to act.

Caitlyn Allard from the Marvel movies.

Oh, why is everyone obsessed with her?

I want to be in whatever play she's in.

She wants to be in Le Paysan et Moitie Enterre.

What?! Instead of Margie's...

Christian, no!

This is supposed to be my big moment, you know?

It's Margie Argyle, not Caitlyn Argyle.

Papa didn't even marry her mother. I'm Margie Argie!

Sweetheart... Jacob found her here this morning.

I'm Margie Argie! Margie!

Where the hell have you been? Oh, here she is, Lady Macbeth.

The architect of my downfall.

Oh, please. You're the architect of MY downfall.

OK. Neither of you are architects.

You're both strong women in the industry.

Engineer of my sorrow. What is that?

Is that sherry? Who goes on a sherry binge?

Your nanna.

OK. Get her out of here, please. Back to the Argyle.

She's an embarrassment. Oh, sorry I'm embarrassment.

Yeah. Sorry I'm embarrassment, everyone.

Jacob. I'll grab that off you.

No! Yes, I'll grab that.

Come on, Christian! Come on.

OK. Mum's overdone it. OK. Here we go.

Christian and I made love once.

OK. Remember?

(HIP-HOP TRACK)

(GROANS) Where have you been?

Oh, my god. I went to this four-day party in Castlemaine.

It went off.

I actually hung out with this really cool aspiring playwright.

He was like, "I love your stuff." He's like, "Margie..."

Oh, my god! Get it together, Margie, please.

You're letting everyone down. Look at these two.

Look how sad they are. Look at Jacob's little face.

We need you to step up and direct this show like only you can.

Oh, yeah - I really want to get up and direct my sister

in a play I was supposed to be in.

Thanks.

Well, it is sold out and the whole world's watching our little theatre

but if you don't want to be part of that,

then we'll just let Caitlin swoop in and take all the glory.

Sold out? Mm-hm.

The whole...whole world? Yeah.

OK. I'll do it for those guys. OK.

But I need four long blacks,

unlimited access to your work credit card,

a two-hour sleep and pass me that bin.

Oh, God. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

(VOMITS)

OK. Hit the flap, Christian!

Got it, got it. (RETCHES, COUGHS)

Sorry.

Yay! We have a show. Everything's as it should be.

Alright? Get the flap!

Yep. Got it. Ooh. (VOMITS)

Big one, isn't it? (RETCHES)

(DIAL TONE)

Oh, come on, Ryan!

Hey. This is Ryan. Leave a message.

Ryan, are you getting any of my messages?

Can you please just call me? I'm worried sick.

OK, Brayden. Let's try it again.

Feeling better? I could run a marathon.

I...uh...

I...

"I am." Oh, yeah. That's it.

That's it. I...am...

"I am a serf no more," is the line.

Yep. That's the line, Brayden.

You're killing it, Brayden. He doesn't know the line.

I know, I know. Where is my famous sister, Caitlin?

She's still on a first-class flight out here.

First-class flight?! I only ever get to go premium economy.

Arrgh! That's alright. I've got this. OK.

Look, everyone, just bring it in. Bring it in.

OK, now, obviously, we're up against it

because of decisions that have been made by third parties

who do not understand what we do.

Julia. Bitch.

I am a serf no more. Yes, Brayden!

Here we go. Now you move stage left.

This is when we come alive and we pull together

and we become the beat of the same...

(YELLS) Oh... Oh!

Ooh! OK.

I think we'll be fine.

We just give him some performance- enhancing drugs or something.

He is badly injured, Julia. It's his kicking leg too, isn't it?

Now, how bad do you think it is?

Oh, wow, we're in so much trouble. Yeah, I know.

The football club is going to sue our arses.

Well, what's your big idea now, hey? You've put Caitlin in instead of me.

We're down a cast member. We need Ryan.

Well, that's a shame, isn't it?

'Cause thanks to you, I don't know where Ryan is.

I didn't do anything! It was your nepotism policy!

God! Papa's legacy is just going down the toilet.

D'you know what? I'm a little tired of hearing about Papa.

Was he even French? No.

Because do you know what we call 'papas' in Australia?

We call them 'dads', not 'papas' or 'fafas' or 'dadas' - dads.

When have I ever said 'dada' or 'fafa'?

When have I ever walked into this office and said 'dada' or 'fafa'?

I haven't said it! Have you even been to Paris?

I've been there! I've been lots of times, all discrete.

OK. Whoa! Everyone's really frazzled right now.

Why don't we just chill out and come back to this tomorrow?

I think I need a Valium spritz. So do I.

Yeah. Thanks for mansplaining my emotions.

Fafa took me to Faris. Oh, fuck off. Fuck off!

Mansplaining. Oh!

Do you know what 'mansplaining' is?

(ECHOING VOICE) Margie Argyle!

Morning, everyone. I can feel the buzz of show day in the air.

It is electric.

How's the hangover? I don't get hangovers.

I just get more ideas. Has anyone heard from Ryan?

He's still not answering any of my texts or calls.

No, sorry. No, sorry.

Would you like a cup of tea, Julia?

Um...yes, please. Thank you, Jacob. That's very kind of you.

Don't worry, J-Mac. We'll find him. Find who?

Ryan is missing. Oh, I just spoke to him.

MARGIE AND JULIA: What? Yeah.

He let me in on this amazing deal

where I can use my super to invest in a condo.

No. I just sent the paperwork through.

I'm headed to the Gold Coast!

Oh, Donna! Donna, I need to see that contract.

OK. Here it is. Can I have a look?

Oh. Ryan McNamara Holdings.

Tom's put the business in Ryan's name because he's been bankrupt so often.

God! Tom, you dodgy piece of shit! Men. Pigs!

Don't worry, Donna - there's a 48-hour cooling-off period.

I will get you out of this.

I just told Ryan I'll pull out of the deal unless he speaks to you.

Oh, that's great.

But he said he'll only speak to you, Margie.

Oh. Yeah, we do have a really strong connection.

Where is he? They're at a hotel by the airport.

They're flying out soon. I'll go!

I'm coming and I'm driving.

There's no guarantee you haven't been on the sherries this morning.

I've had two. Two?

Three. I had three.

This morning? One of them's medicinal.

I've got this thing at the moment in my throat...

Anyway, in the end, it was viral.

I was just so worried about my vocal cords.

I cannot believe I'm in a Tesla. I feel soiled!

That might have been the sherries. You need to burn sage or something.

Oh, quick. There they are. Oh!

It's the button, Margie. It's that button!

There's no button. There's a button on the handle.

Where? This button.

Oh, god. Get out.

Stop right there! Oh, yeah. Alright, Margie.

We're not in one of your scenes. Julia! How do you do, young lady?

Good, thanks. What is this, Tom?

Are you dragging our son into one of your shonky Ponzi schemes?

See you never, Mum. You completely betrayed me.

Let's go, Dad. So immoral, Julie.

Immoral? You're the bankrupt liar with more ex-wives than Nicolas Cage!

Ooh, wonderful actor.

And you've got a woman's arse. Yeah. Real mature, Mum.

Oh, check the label. Those jeans are from Witchery.

Are you having one of your little episodes?

You know, she did this after Ryan was born. Gets hysterical.

Oh, how dare you?

I mean, alright, I wasn't coping but only because you were never home.

Why would I want to be home when it was just a guilt trip?

Yeah. You really pushed him out, Mum.

Did she crush your creative spirit, Tom?

Yes! Thank you. You get it!

Yeah, I get it.

I get you!

You know, you're the sort of person who thinks they're creative

but have never had an original idea.

You would have met Julia at university

and made her do all your work for you,

because you sucked her in over some sort of sob story.

What was it? "My rich dad doesn't love me!"

Was that it?

And of course, the relationship was all about you until Ryan came along.

And then you just had to do a few things to help out with the baby

but you couldn't.

And when Julia got quite rightly upset,

you called her a psycho and then moved on to - what was it?

someone a little bit younger, someone a little bit funner?

The nanny? What a walking cliche!

And now that you're starting to bald,

the list of available women is drying up.

So now it's time to circle back around to Ryan -

who actually is creative and vulnerable -

and ruin his life.

But the most important thing is to skip out just in the nick of time,

before people realise the real truth -

inside is an empty void.

Ryan, your part in Le Paysan et Moitie Enterre

is available again if you'd like it.

I'll be in the Tesla.

Now, that's a monologue.

Won't open.

It's... Push the button and then pull the handle.

But... Push the button. The handle pops out.

Pull the handle. But the handle...

I know it should be simpler. It should be simpler.

Wow. There's media everywhere. Caitlyn will be here in a second.

We are a united front.

Why is she getting flowers for stealing Margie's show?

Just play along with it, Jacob, please.

She hasn't even rehearsed yet. She doesn't need to rehearse.

She knows the work inside out from Papa.

Caitlyn! We're over-thrilled to have you here.

Welcome to the Argyle Theatre. Sorry - where's my sister?

She's in a meeting now. OK. We have presents for you.

Allergic. Right.

Allergic to those? Yep.

Uh, putting them in the bin. OK.

Shall we adjourn to the, um...

Shall we...? Let's sit down.

How about I take you through the run sheet for tonight?

Acts one through seven. There. Didn't know plays had seven acts.

She's got it.

Just a note as well - act seven

is when the Chevy's Chicken mascot will enter the stage.

We're no longer doing that. What?

I've just become an ambassador for vegan beauty products, so...

Oh, I didn't know you were vegan.

I'm optically vegan,

which means no meat on the stage or anywhere in the building.

So, actually, could you do a meat sweep, you guys?

What's a meat sweep?

There are some chicken nuggets in the freezer.

Happy for you to take those. Uh, Caitlyn? Caitlyn. Sorry.

Just a big sponsorship deal like this

is kind of keeping Papa's theatre open.

OK. Yeah.

I can walk. Would you like me to walk?

No, no. We'll lose the chicken. We'll figure something out.

No big deal. OK. Good.

OK. It's time for my press conference.

Sure.

What just happened?

Margie, maybe don't play with it.

It's not a toy. What's this do?

Ooh! Margie? Listen.

I just wanted to say thank you. I appreciate that.

Well, I'm sorry about the nepo stuff.

OK. RYAN: Mum, I can't get the handle.

Oh, I've told you a million times! You push it in.

I'm literally pushing. That's what I'm doing.

It doesn't open. Oh!

Oh, thank god.

Dad's crying, company's dissolved and I'm back in the play.

Can we get a feed? I'm hungry.

BOTH: There's nuggets in the freezer at...

..home. ..the theatre.

Put your belt on, please.

(REPORTERS CLAMOUR)

Caitlyn? Caitlyn. Four hours on stage alone. You must be thrilled.

Oh my god. I just can't even tell you.

And you're doing the role instead of your sister, Margie.

Thank God you're back. Caitlyn, over here!

Wow. What's going on here? Brian!

..basically grew up here. OK.

Caitlyn seems to have organised her own press conference,

for some reason.

She's very tough, Margie. Great publicity, though.

Look how many people are here. Look at her. Wow.

Looks like she's had a bit of work done.

Hello! Hello.

Look at you! Look at you! Look at you! Look at you!

You look well. You look slim.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I just heard that you were going to do Le Paysan et Moitie Enterre

and now I'm doing it.

Oh, really? You didn't know it was me?

'Cause it's been advertised as me for ages, like ages.

I would never do that. Oh, you wouldn't? OK.

JULIA: Caitlyn. Julia McNamara, new CEO of the Argyle Theatre.

Welcome. And I'm her son.

Caitlyn. Carmel!

Oh! Caitlyn! Caitlyn.

Mwah! Oh. First a photo. Come on.

(REPORTERS CLAMOUR) Carmel?

I could get a photo.

You cannot imagine how thrilled I am

to have secured Caitlyn for this production.

And, Caitlyn, why are you back to do your father's play?

I remember when Papa took me to Paris, during his Le Paysan...

No, Papa took ME to Paris.

..and he said to me, "You'll do this one day

"and you'll do it better than me."

Oh. Oh!

If you'll excuse me. Caitlyn? Caitlyn, wait, wait, wait.

No, no, it was me. Papa took me to Paris.

No, Papa took ME to Paris. Papa took ME to Paris!

Papa took me to Paris.

No, Papa took me to Paris and we walked along the Seine!

..Seine! What?

Hey? What? You're wrong, Margie.

Papa took me to Paris.

Apparently not.

(REPORTERS CLAMOUR)

I need to talk to you about something.

(SIGHS)

We can't have any Chevy's Chicken on stage,

or any Chevy's Chicken branding in the theatre,

or any Chevy's Chicken near Caitlyn

and I'm actually running late for the toilet, so I probably should go.

What?! Are you kidding?

We've already organised the chicken meal deal.

I've got the Chevy's Chicken mascot sitting right there, ready to go.

She said if we didn't take it out of her contract,

she wouldn't get on stage.

What was I supposed to do? Christian, did you try and negotiate?

Oh! I came this close to negotiating.

Yeah. You don't understand.

This chicken deal was going to get the place back in the black,

then my job here is done and I could leave.

Oh. What?

No, I just...just didn't know you... you were leaving. That's all.

I'm not leaving right now.

Don't get sad. I'm not sad. I'm just...

You know, I've learnt a lot from the mentor-mentee sort of...

We do work well together.

We did great work on the chicken meal deal.

It's a really good meal deal, Julia. Yeah.

Could have had chips with it, though.

Absolutely. Should have had chips. I don't know how we missed that.

Major oversight. Oh, well.

Show must go on, I guess.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,

tonight's performance of Le Paysan et Moitie Enterre,

starring Caitlyn Argyle,

will commence in 15 minutes.

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that.

Pa-pa, pa-pa, pa-poo!

Paging Margie.

If anyone sees Margie, can they send her backstage, please?

Anyone seen the stage manager? She should be here.

Mmm. Ha! Brr-rrr-lll! Ha!

Ryan, darling. Just wanted to wish you good luck.

Oh, my gosh, Mum! It's chookas! That was bad luck!

Whatever. Let's just get all this out of our system, hey?

System? Mum, this isn't some craze. It's literally forever.

Forever. Wonderful.

I'll just go and enrol you in a barista course, then.

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's performance is sold out,

so please take your seats as quickly as possible.

The show will commence in five minutes.

So much for coming at sunrise. Excuse me.

Some of the wealthiest people in Melbourne are in this row.

God, it's so thrilling.

Our wealthiest board member is sitting next to you.

This is like a networking orgy for you, Carmel.

As I was saying, Phyllis,

Caitlyn's only doing this production because of me.

It was actually me.

And I have secured the most fabulous sponsorship deal

with Chevy's chickens.

Again, that was me. I did that.

I'm sorry. Am I just your underling now?

Doing all your dirty work?

Cait... (CLEARS THROAT) Cait... Caitlyn.

I just wanted to say I'm... I'm a huge fan.

It's an honour to be sharing the stage. I love your Marvel movies.

Please, please.

Don't speak to me or make eye contact until we're on stage.

And even then, keep your distance.

I'll be so far away from you, madam, milady.

Good. My princess...

Stop! Stop! Leave! Leave now! Princess?

Right now! Yep. Going.

Put the wig on now. Put the wig on now.

That's a five-minute call, everyone. That's five minutes until beginners.

Have you seen Margie?

Front of house clear.

Oh, my costume. What a waste.

You OK, Margs?

Yeah. That's clearance.

Stand by for the top of the show.

Should be you up there, bub, not Caitlyn.

When are we going to have the conversation

about me coming back to the bank?

Shh! The play is about to start. That was supposed to be...

Shh, shh! You said...

Shh, shh, shh! You said...

Shh, shh!

(CROW CAWING)

(BELL CLANGS)

(PLAYS MELANCHOLY TUNE)

Mama?

Mama!

Where is my mama?

Is she buried half alive?

Am I lost to her forever?

I will search for Mama,

for no-one has loved me...more.

Is that your son up there?

Aren't you embarrassed?

And she will search for me.

Quite the opposite, Carmel. Quite the opposite.

Mama!

Mama... Ooh!

Sorry, bro. Sorry.

Oh, this is Caitlyn! (AUDIENCE MEMBERS WHISPER EXCITEDLY)

Here we go. This is our big moment.

I know. I did this.

(CROW CAWS)

(LUTE PLAYER STOPS)

(CONFUSED WHISPERING)

Margie's on the stage. Margie's on the stage!

What is happening?

(WHISPERS) Get off! (WHISPERS) You get off!

What is she doing? I...I don't know.

I didn't know this was.

This was a one-person play!

This is sick! Go, Margie! Shh!

BOTH: Ah, the dawn.

But this morning there is something different in the air.

Is it a hint of winter?

(HISSES) Get her off! Fine.

Get her off! I will. You shush.

(WHISPERS) Get off. (WHISPERS) You get off!

JULIA: (WHISPERS) Excuse me. I have to get backstage.

CAITLYN, MARGIE: My hair, my muscles!

(GLASS BOTTLE CLATTERS) Sorry, sorry.

The crops suffer, just as I suffer.

Just stand up!

Seating-side cell. Idiot!

God! We've got two women doing a one-woman show.

OK. What do we do? We leave her.

It was supposed to be her out there. Julia, help us!

Fine. I can't fight you people any more.

Let's get Caitlyn out of there.

Christian, Ryan, come on. Come and help me.

BOTH: Where is God in all of this?

Oh! Aah!

(BOTH MOAN MELODRAMATICALLY)

(BOTH CONTINUE MOANING)

MARGIE: Get off!

OK. Julia's standing by.

I am a serf no more!

Let's go.

Do it, Julia.

BOTH: Winter is finally upon me and the snow begins to fall.

CAITLYN: Will I be left here to starve?

(CONFUSED WHISPERING)

JULIA: Chookas.

Chookas, everyone!

CAITLYN: What is this?

What is she doing?

Oh, hark! What has that chicken from the future said?

Oh, my god.

Everyone loves Chevy's Chickens,

even vegans.

CAITLYN: Is that meat?!

You will be hearing from my lawyer.

Yes!

Amateurs!

Yes! (CHUCKLES)

All yours, Margie. Thanks, Chook.

(CROW CAWS)

Excuse me. Excuse me.

And so, as I breathe my final breath

and see God's blue sky one last time,

I choose these parting words.

Papa took me to Paris.

(BELL TOLLS) Aaah!

(APPLAUSE)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE)

Oh, thank you.

So the idea was always to have two women on stage,

because it takes two women to speak to the patriarchy.

That really came through.

And then the arrival of the roast chook.

Modern-day capitalism. You know?

It's the commodification of feminism

which is literally burying women alive.

Oh, my god. Yeah. Mmm.

It's thrilling. Mmm. It's groundbreaking.

It's urgent. It's now.

And now, who played the chook? I can't remember.

That's me. I played that. That was you.

Somebody, like, an usher, was it?

Mum, you were, like, really great.

You're, like, the talk of the play. Oh stop it. I was not.

No. You are. Seriously, I'm really proud of you.

Oh, darling, thank you.

I'm very proud of you, too. You were wonderful up there.

Wonderful. Thanks, Mum.

Guys, literally everyone in this room

is talking about me at the moment.

Can you hear it? There's a buzz.

There's a buzz and it's rising all the time.

How dare you humiliate me?

Yes! How dare you!

This theatre company is an embarrassment.

Whose idea was it to have a chicken on stage?

Interesting. That was Carmel's idea.

What?! Yes. Yes!

Carmel signed the Chevy's Chook deal, didn't you?

I'm just an underling. Mmm.

That is a lie, Caitlyn.

Is it? Why don't you check with Phyllis, our wealthiest donor?

She was there when you claimed all the credit for the chicken deal.

There she is. She's just there.

OK.

You put a chicken in... Caitlyn!

Well, everyone,

I reckon we might have a bit of a hit on our hands.

Yeah?

Whoo! (SQUEALS)

Wow. Ow.

Margie! Are you not wearing a bra?

I am unapologetic.

That is stunning.

Christian, can you do something about that?

Cover those up with some, uh... We've got a tote here, so we can...

There we go. Let's get something on there.

That should...work. There.

Well, we've got copious totes. A lot of totes.

There's a lot of totes. Christian. Christian!

Yes? We need more ice.

Uh... Sorry.

Yep. I've got to, um...

Well. CARMEL: It wasn't me, Phyllis.

You must remember, it was Julia that came to you.

You remember distinctly.

Ooh. That has not gone well.

Sorry. I'm done.

So, are you sticking around? Caitlyn!

You tell me.

BOTH: Chookas, Carmel.

# Bring it up!

# I'm a boss-B with a bad company

# Papa chose me I've been to Paris

# I'm the baddest

# I'm the witch I disrupt

# Got stories to tell Watch me work it on set

# Triple threat No sweat.

# I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad The baddest

# I'm a boss-B with a bad company

# See me work it

# I'm up, I'm up, I'm up I'm the baddest... #

Get the flap! Got it. Ooh.

(VOMITS)

# I'm a boss-B with a bad company

# Working

# I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad I'm the baddest

# I'm the baddest. #

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0