All language subtitles for 01x07 - Woeful Wolf

Welcome to a land that's way under, down
under. The sky's always yellow in rain

or shine.

Down in Tasmania, come to Tasmania.

When something needs turning, they start
to spin. Like a Tajmanian devil in his

closest kin.

Down in Tasmania, come to Tasmania.

Mom's alive, why a dad's never been
along.

Molly's all fired up, we'll take place
with the dog.

Down in Tasmania, come to Tasmania.

Didgeridingo and Wendell T. Wolfe.
Francis X. Bush, lad is never uncouth.

Oh, yeah, don't forget, Taz.

You know,

I'm getting mixed emotions about it.

But if I'm really lucky, I mean, this
could be my lucky day.

It's ridiculous. What am I saying? Luck
has nothing to do with it.

Wendell T. Wolf.

You must think positive.

All right. This is definitely my lucky
day. Yes, I'm feeling it. This is my

lucky day. I can tell.

Excuse me.

Ribbit.

Help me out here. Ribbit.

Ribbit. I don't know. I'm just winging
this, you know.

You expect

me to do that? I mean,

that's... Yuck!

I can't do that. I mean, not only is it
disgusting, it's highly unsanitary. I

mean, how are you doing that with a
tongue and...

Oh, pardon my rudeness. I mean, I'm
eating in front of you. Would you care

taste of what?

Could you use a good fortune right about
now?

Confucius says this is your lucky day.

And here I was. I mean, I'm worried that
something bad would happen, and

Confucius himself seems to me to know
that. I mean, you've got to love that.

I mean, this is so disappointing. I
mean, I really thought I had found a

this time.

I'm telling you, it's not easy being the
last Tasmanian wolf.

I mean, there's no factory out left for
spare parts.

Social life, I mean, forget about it. I
don't want to bring it up. It's

nonexistent. I mean, what am I going to
do? Wait for evolution to evolute me

into another species?

I mean, it's so slow.

Oh, enlightened creatures coming to
adopt me. Me, Wendell.

Ow!

We're talking some serious pain here.

They say that the essence of comedy is
somebody else's pain.

Well, I hope you're laughing.

I mean, I was so close that time. I
could feel the closeness. I mean, I

for a moment there, they actually
tolerated me.

Oh,

my. What a big overbite you have. I
mean, I know a very good orthodontist.

No.

Nice to meet you, too. I'm Wendell T.,
as in Tasmanian Wolf.

The last, but hopefully not the least,
of my kind. Glad to meet you.

I suppose you endangered species is just
another word for lunch.

You don't really want eating me on your
conscience, do you?

No, you want me on your menu. It's a
dinner deal.

Oh, is this any way for the last
Tasmanian wolf to end?

Dramatic, no?

Whoa! Somebody needs a mink!

Boy, I hate Mondays, really.

I don't suppose a note from my doctor
explaining that it's unhealthy for me to

be eaten would do any good.

Ouch!

I guess eating me doesn't appear to be
too healthy for you either.

Would you like my doctor's number? I've
got it here somewhere.

A simple no is a fine.

Well, even if I do get out of this one,
I still have heavy fines on an overdue

library book.

Whoa, my goodness, you're so strong. I
mean, you must work out in the gym all

the time to get muscles like that, am I
right? I mean, can I feel them? What?

Wow, he's so brutal and vicious.

Probably get his own TV series.

I told you Taz be back.

Why for you fling me into the cold, cold
outback?

My self -delivery for one of the walls.

Maybe I won the publisher's outhouse
Giffey Bonanza Prize Supreme. 43 billion

slumolians. Great.

On top of everything else, jury duty.

Hold on.

Let me just catch my breath for a
second, all right?

Okay.

You know, you take a beating, but you
keep on eating. I respect you for that.

No, really.

You know, somehow I think this respect
thing is not mutual.

Wait a minute. You can't eat me.

It's against the rules.

You can chase me. You can catch me. You
can threaten to eat me. You can stick me

in your mouth. You can chew.

But you can't swallow.

I mean, you see all those kids out
there?

What kind of example would we be setting
for them?

And look, there are even parents
watching.

Don't try and hide. I see you pretending
to make breakfast.

Now, what are they going to think if
they see you eat me?

Sure, we'll get a cheap laugh, but then
they'll write nasty letters to our

sponsors and we'll both be out of jobs.

Wow.

I'm part of the food chain here at that
store.

This is amazing.

I had no idea it would be so dark.

I'm glad I wore clean underwear, but now
I wish I'd brought a flashlight.

It's unbelievable.

My entire life amounts to nothing more
than a between -meal snack for a

Tasmanian devil.

Perhaps if I review my life, I'll
understand how I've come to this.

It's a good thing I always carry around
a slide projector and slides of my

life's highlights.

Oh.

Perfect. A blank screen.

I suppose it's a metaphor or something.
I don't know. Oh, there. See?

I was naturally lovable and
irresistible.

People couldn't stay away from me.

Even in grade school, I was voted most
popular student.

I had this magnetic personality.

I believe I was well -liked because I
knew how to share.

At a senior prom, I was unanimously
elected king of all I surveyed.

I was the life of the party.

Really sad.

And I graduated magna cum laude from
high school.

It was a small graduating class, and we
all swore to remain friends forever.

Oh, excuse me, but it is dark in here.

Oh, there I am volunteering for the Air
Force instead.

I was a pilot for the Allies during
World War II.

And I led the invasion of Normandy. It
was loud.

It was crazy.

I was the most decorated hero of the
war.

After the war, I returned to my true
passion, baseball.

I was a real hero.

I even hit a home run in the ninth
inning of the seventh game of the World

Series to beat the Yankees.

After my baseball career, I was governor
of California.

Take that, Wes.

And then I went on to become president
of the United States.

Of course, you know, no life is complete
without someone to share your joy and

happiness. Am I right?

So I married Miss America. I mean, well,
after that, I composed and conducted my

own symphony.

And of course, you know what? I got my
own Saturday morning TV show.

And I became the most beloved person in
the world. Oh, okay.

Okay, look, maybe I wasn't precisely a
war hero or a ball player or president

even a Saturday morning TV star, but
it's my life passing before my eyes.

Look, I'm sure if it was you sitting in
this Tasmanian devil's stomach, you'd do

the same thing.

Whoa!

I mean, that was surreal.

I'm going to have years of material for
my therapist.

You are relentless.

I mean, you're impervious to pain,
though maybe not indigestion.

You are built to last.

You're everything I want to be.

Will you stop spitting already? I can't
possibly taste that bad.

I want to be just like you.

You know, I'm telling you, I listen to a
lot of talk radio. And most lasting

relationships start without even having
this much going for them.

From now on, I am never going to leave
your side.

You know something?

This could be the start of a beautiful
friendship.

Nothing is going to hurt my friend Taz
while Wendell T. Wolfe is around. No

siree. I'll protect you.

You know, I'm telling you, this really
is my lucky day. That Confucius, I mean.

And it's going to be your lucky day,
too, Taz.

Taz? Taz?

That

is

very good.

I bet it would scare off most everybody.

Oh, well, yeah.

Oh, now I understand the bad breath.

It's like a natural defense mechanism
against any possible enemies. Am I

Interesting mode of transportation.

I wonder if anybody in Detroit knows
about this.

Here goes nothing.

Gee, a guy could hyperventilate very
easily this way.

I told you I wasn't leaving your side. I
want to learn everything there is to

know about being a Tadmanian devil.

How do you like the outfit? Be brutal.

I call it homage to Tad.

So, Master.

What are we doing way up here? I mean,
are there any female Tasmanian devils?

Come on. Is this some sort of Tasmanian
devil mating ritual? I hope.

So come on, share.

I mean, you can tell me. I mean, where's
the party?

There is so much I have to learn.

Fortunately, I have a patient and
willing teacher.

Listen, thanks for breaking my fall.
You're a real pal.

No wonder Tasmanian devils aren't
extinct.

You guys stick together like birds of a
feather. Of course, you aren't really

birds. You don't exactly have feathers.

Never mind that. So where are the babes?

I really wish I had something clever to
say here.

Too bad.

Do that. Do that.

Do that. Do that.

You Tasmanian devils can sure hold your
breath for a long time.

That was just a little rude.

Knock it off. Enough with the spitting
already.

I shower daily.

Sheesh.

It's really a beautiful sunset, isn't
it?

You know, I gotta tell you, it's just,
it's so great to have a fellow Tasmanian

devil to shower it with.

It's kind of a growth experience for the
both of us. Am I right? What?

Wow. He's really got flailing his arms
wildly while he falls like a rock and

flames into the ground down to a
science.

Bleh!

Boy, I got to tell you, you Tasmanian
devils sure like it hot.

I am really impressed.

Not only are you brutal and vicious, but
you're sensitive too.

I'm so glad I found you, Taz.

It's going to be great being Tasmanian
devils together.

What was that?

Nothing. Just a couple of Tasmanian
devils. Is that all?