All language subtitles for s04e14

Oh, it's beautiful
to see the joining

of the two great houses
of Cattleman's Ranch.

MATTHEW: Yeah --
the Huangs and the Chestnuts.

Hey, I can see
the stationery already.

It's a lotus flower
and -- well, a chestnut.

-So, that was it --
no notice, no nothing.

We just had to
pick up and move.

But we're used to
uprooting our lives

at the whim
of Kenny Rogers.

I get it.
Our move was hard, too.

And we were the only Asian
family in the neighborhood.

I so get that.

We're the only
Latter-Day Saints on our block.

I hear you. My mother-in-law
is in a wheelchair.

I hear that.
I survived polio.

**

-You guys know how
to take off a bra?
-Goodbye.

'Cause I do.

Front, back, and sports.

Me too.
I-I've got mad bra game.

Yes. I, too, have...
bra experience.

-I barely speak to my father.
-My father's dead.

Damn it.
I know.

The only reason I have
the strength to go on is my son.

Right.

Because
he's the only grade-skipper

in the history of
Abraham Lincoln Middle School.

Oh, wait.

That's my son.

Sorry.

My youngest son.

I have three.

I know
you only have the one.

Well, he's very handy
around the house.

He changes
all the light bulbs.

O-Our fixtures are on the walls,
and t-that's what he's doing.

Mm.

Oh, look at them,
hitting it off.

Why didn't we do this
earlier?

Hey, should we take
a joint family road trip
to the Grand Canyon?

I'll make us a mixtape
for the drive.

Yeah.

**

* Fresh off the boat

* I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go *

* If you don't know, homey,
now you know *

* Fresh off the boat

* Homey, you don't know
where I come from *

* But I know where I'm goin'

* I'm fresh off the boat

MAN: Save the whales!

I love whales,

but how is signing a petition
going to help?

Yeah, where are they gonna
mail it

Ha.

A pedophile?

BOTH: The hell?!

Explain yourself.

One time!

I-I thought it'd be fun
to dress up one time.

Oh, thank God.
For a second, I thought
you followed me to Miami.

What is the meaning
of this?

It's a new
positive-reinforcement program
we just started.

It rewards one student
every month.

It's January, so there's
only been one recipient --
Stacy Cooper.

Stacy Cooper?!

She's a "B" student
and takes two lunches.

It's about more
than just grades, Evan.

It's also
who's the most well-rounded

and engaged
in our school community.

Stacy got
the cheerleaders

to start cheering
for girl sports.

I see I've got
some work to do.

Mommy,
brainstorm in the car?

**

Oh, and I also don't like
how your new secretary is a man.

**

Oh, excuse me.

Is Kenny Rogers
coming in today?

We want to
take a picture with him.

No, he isn't,

but you can
take a picture with me.

I actually
started Cattleman's.

Oh.

No, thank you.

We'll just buy a Kenny hat
or a bolo tie or a guitar pick.

We actually don't sell
any of that.

Then what am I even doing
in this hellhole?!

Come on, James!

I told you
we should've called ahead!

Ugh!

I'm loving the mouthfeel
of this bison burger.

So juicy.

I heard Kenny created it
to nurse his sick
mother back to health.

I put bison on the menu,

and let me tell you,
it was an uphill battle.

I hear Kenny strangled
that bear with his own hands.

If I were you,
I'd wash your bumper.

You know I'm not one
to compliment children,

but that's a good idea.

Student of the Month,
here I come.

**

How do you say "booty shorts"
in French?

Is it called "French kissing"
over there

or "home kissing"?

Doesn't anyone care
where Jacqueline is?

Are you guys going to Sara's
birthday party on Saturday?

Cherry tomatoes make
a good party snack.

Sign up for my new
Student Garden Program.

Why is your corn
hairy?

Because I haven't
shucked it yet.

Real corn is not
niblets in a can.

Sorry to blow your mind!

What do you think of the theme
"A Night to Remember"?

Did you guys see
what Pacey did to Joey

last night
on "Dawson's"?

We've been here
for two hours,

and we still don't have a theme
for the Spring Fling.

I only hope a boy
kisses me at the dance

like Dawson
kissed Joey.

There won't be a dance
if we don't plan one.

I'm so Team Dawson!
I'm so Team Pacey!

I'm Team Shut Up!

My eyes!
Monique, your eyes!

Hey!

So,
remember at dinner,

when I told Max I knew
how to unhook a bra?

I lied. I don't.

I don't, either.

Could you tell I was lying?
Yes.

We need to
figure this out.

Max is in my grade,

and he's already taken off
like 40 bras.

We just need to find
a bra and practice.
How hard could it be?

Where are we gonna
find a bra?

How does Grandma
get her bras up there?

Mm.

-Oh. That's what that's for.
-Hmm.

**

EVAN:
I'm sorry I lost my temper

and threw glitter
at those girls.

It won't happen again.

Well,
that is good to hear.

But I don't need
counseling.

Don't think of this
as counseling, Evan.

Think of this
as talking.

This is a safe space,
okay,

where we can throw glitter
at each other --

verbally.

Mr. Tim...
if you need someone to help,

talk to the girl
in my class

who turns her breath spray
into a flamethrower.

Ohh! We can
discuss Becky --

I mean, whichever student
that is -- later.

But how about those girls
on the dance committee?

I already said
it was an accident.

Well, why do you think
you reacted that way?

Because they're so stupid
and unfocused!

And it made me feel
so stressed and overwhelmed!

**

Whoa.

Saying that out loud
actually felt pretty good.

Welcome to the process,
Evan.

Hey, buddy. Just working
on our road trip mixtape.

I know this is controversial --
hear me out.

"I'm Too Sexy".

We've been driving
all night,

flat for miles,
nothing to look at.

Then boom!
Right Said Fred.

Just as we ease into El Paso,
we blast it!

Love it. Um, can I talk to you
about something?

Oh. Yeah, sure.

Everywhere I turn, people are
talking about Kenny Rogers.

To be honest,
I'm feeling a little invisible

in my own restaurant.
Oh, no.

I was looking at the menu,
and it got me thinking --

Michael Bolton's Brownie Bomb
is still on there.

I want my name
on a menu item.

I want to put Louis Huang's
Five Alarm Chili on the menu.

I'm...going to
have to agree to...

agree with you.

Pshew-pshew-pshew!

Oh!
Pshew-pshew-pshew-pshew!

BOTH:
Pshew-pshew-pshew!

Ohhh.

He reminds me
of an old boss I had.

Oh, boy.

Jessica!

So nice to see you.

Hello, Amy.

It's so nice
to see you.

Dinner was so fun
the other night.

So fun!

We must do it again.

Absolutely.

I would love to cook you
a traditional Taiwanese meal.

Nonsense!

I would like to whip up
a traditional Bengalese meal.

You said
you were from Tampa.

My heart is Bengali.
I did my mission there.

It didn't go so well,
but the food was unbelievable.

Mm.

Evan,
did you tell Mrs. Chestnut

about being up
for Student of the Month?

Oh. I wanted to talk to you
about that.

And I would love to hear
about it, but I'm late --

to give blood.

Mr. Tim and I think
it's best to push "Pause"
on Student of the Month.

What? Wait.
Who's Mr. Tim?

My school counselor.

I'm seeing him once a week
to manage my stress levels.

Counselor?

Ohhh. That's a school word
for "therapist".

Aww.

And he was supposed to be
the best of your three, right?

(inhales sharply,
sighs)

You dropped something.

Dragon breath.

I did not
give consent!

I'm sorry?

There was no form.
I filled out nothing.

You can't just
counselor-therapy my son.

Keep your witch doctor fingers
out of Evan's brain.

Becky, I'm sorry
to cut our time short,

but I need to talk
to this lady.

Remember to fight the urge
to light things on fire.

Okay.

You hypnotized my son.

He was on track to be
Student of the Month,

and you waved your pocket watch
in front of his face,

and now he's not.

Mrs. Huang, Evan came
to his own conclusion

about
Student of the Month.

There are nine months
in the school year, after all.

His narrative
doesn't have to be so linear.

Ugh. Again
with the hippie talk.

You know, sometimes,

parents confuse their own
ambition for their child's.

That's not
what this is.

I have a son with no ambition.
I know what that looks like.

Okay.
Got it on the pillow.

We should take a break.

Evan has always
pushed himself.

He doesn't need people like you
telling him what to do.

Oh, I don't tell him
what to do.

I provide
a safe, judgment-free space

for Evan
to share his feelings.

He seems to be responding
very well.

Don't act like you know my son
better than I do.

Oh, it's not my job
to know Evan.

It's my job
to help Evan know Evan.

Okay, Mr. Tim,
this is over.

If anyone's going to
talk to my son, it's me!

I'm not entrusting him
to some fake doctor

who lets kids call him
by his first name!

My name is actually
Richard Tim.

Ugh!

**

LOUIS: Good afternoon.

I'm Louis Huang, creator of
Louis Huang's Five Alarm Chili,

which you'll find on the
left-hand corner of your menus.

Four bowls?

Mm...not really
in the mood for chili.

It's like
89 degrees outside.

It, uh,
almost won an award, you know.

Do you guys
do po' boys?

No, we don't.

Okay, um...

Look, I never do this,
but order the chili.

Alright? just order it.

There might be
a little pageantry if you do.
-We don't want chili.

Free chili, alright?
Sample it.

Free bowl for the table,
four spoons, four smiles.

We're gonna go.

Oh, come on.

Ohhhhhh, bud.

Don't let this
get you down.

All it takes is
one person to say "yes",

and then
those floodgates will open --

like Willy Wonka's
chocolate river,
except with chili

and you riding a spoon boat
on the way to your goals.

**

-Hello, Evan.

I spoke with Mr. Tim.

He encouraged us to do
home-counseling therapy.

You could talk to me
the same way you talk to him --

directly,
like mother and son.

Okay.
Start.

Can I sit down?

Yes, you can sit down.

And begin.

How are you feeling today --
not normal or normal?

I...think I'm normal?

Good. This is working.

Now I'm gonna
show you something,

and you tell me
how it makes you feel.

-The Coopers have too many
bumper stickers on their car.

They won't miss it.

Mr. Tim said
you don't want this anymore.

It's not
that I don't want it,

but Mr. Tim and I agree

that it doesn't need
to be right now.

What's the difference
between now and later?

If you're gonna put in
the effort later,

why not put in
the effort now?

Yeah. I guess
that kind of makes sense.

Think about
your life plan.

You still want to be
doctor/president?

Yes. Of course.

Oh, you're not gonna
become doctor/president

by doing tomorrow
what you could do today.

**

You're right.

Thank you for
chopping down that tree

so I can see the forest
clearly.

My ax is love.

**

My hand
is starting to cramp.

Suck it up, bro!
It's only been an hour!

I have
the first two hooks undone,

but I still have
two to go.

I feel my pillow girl
losing interest.

You know what?
Move over. My turn.

I got it!

Damn, son!

I just re-hooked
the ones you undid.

She's more bra'd up
than when I started.

**

Not a single person
ordered my chili.

Matthew tried to say it was
because it was too hot outside,

but meanwhile, we sold out
of the clam chowder,

so I know it's not that.

That sounds like
it's very important to you.

Evan, how was your day?
Take us up.

Great! I'm back on track
for Student of the Month.

I convinced the French club to
put on a production of "Les Mis"

that we can pay for
with my Student Garden profits.

Also, we came up with
a theme for the dance --
"Arabian Nights".

And Monique has forgiven me
for almost blinding her.

Plus, I'm organizing a bake sale
for the homeless...

...and I'm dealing
with Deonte,

who doesn't know
a scone from a muffin...

Hey, are you okay?

...Tammy, who has never
even heard of an eclair.

Eclairs are just...
a choux pastry...

What?!
GRANDMA: Evan!

Oh, yeah.

Breathe. Breathe.
Breathe in there.

Just relax.

**

How you feeling?

Fine. I don't know
what happened.

You just rest.
I'm glad you're okay.

Is he okay?!

I think I pushed him too hard.

You've always
pushed him hard.

And like that counselor said
at school, Evan pushes himself.

Well, then,
what's changed?

Why does he suddenly
need to breathe

into my authentic
Chanel purse?

Maybe we took him out
of Dr. Tim's sessions too soon.

He's not a doctor.
He's a mister.

And he's only known Evan
for five minutes.

What kind of a mother
am I

if a stranger can help my son
better than I can?

You're a great mother.

But maybe a little extra help
isn't a bad thing.

But therapy?

You want to pay to have our son
whine to a stranger?

I don't know anyone
who's ever done therapy.

I never did, no one
in my family ever did.

Really? You think
your sister's not in therapy?

Where do you think
Connie goes every Tuesday?

She says she's taking
cooking classes.

Well, if she is,
it's with her therapist.

Look, there is no shame in doing
what's best for our kids.

**

Fine.
I will admit that Evan could
benefit from talking to you.

But I will need a detailed
report on everything he says.

Still not how it works.

I tell my therapist everything,
and nothing leaves that room.

You have a therapist?

That's like a barber going
to a barber to get his haircut.

Well, how do you think
barbers get their hair cut?

Hmm.

Is there anything
you'd like to talk about?

No.

I can tell there's something
you'd like to say.

I thought I was
being supportive

about Evan being
Student of the Month, but...

I think I pushed him
into having a panic attack.

Well, Evan is
a very driven young man.

Maybe with your other sons
you need to be the gas pedal,

but for Evan,
you need to be the brakes.

He's always challenged himself
to be the best student,

and he's always been able
to handle the pressure.

Well, there's more
to grade-skipping
than just academics.

There's -- There's social
hurdles that go along with it.

But Evan's always related well
to older people.

He runs our neighborhood HOA
with an iron fist.

He may be fine
handling himself with adults,

but he has a hard time
relating to his new peers.

Evan is
a very special kid.

I'm gonna give him the tools
he needs to succeed.

Me too.

He's both
of our favorites!

Oh!

That's what
these are for.

I get it now.

**

Here you go, sir --
Louis Huang's Five Alarm Chili.

I didn't order
the chili.

Oh. But it's here now.
Try it.

No, thanks.
I'm waiting on the chowder.

**

I'll try
some chili.

**

I heard about Louis Huang's
famous Five Alarm Chili

back wherever I came from --
in my hometown city.

Well...

...here you go,
weary traveler.

It smells heartwarming.

I can't wait to find out
what Louis Huang put in here.

I'm actually
Louis Huang.

What?!
From the menu?

That's right.

Yep. You can taste
each alarm.

What's in here?

Unfortunately, I can't divulge
my secret recipe.

No, seriously,
what is in this?

Again, family secret.

Oh, God.

Oh, no! He's having
a panic attack!

Who has a knock-off Chanel purse
he can breathe into?

Are there Szechuan peppercorns
in here?

I'm allergic
to Szechuan peppercorns.

But that's
the fourth alarm!

No, don't worry.

I can drive myself home.

No.
I'll be fine.

Oh! Matthew!

You should see it, Louis.

It's beautiful.

(Right Said Fred's
"I'm Too Sexy" plays)
Looks like
we're rolling into El Paso!

Uh-oh!

* I'm too sexy for my shirt

* Too sexy for my shirt

* So sexy, it hurts
LOUIS: Matthew!

Matthew!

Matthew,
can you hear me?!

W--
How long was I out?

Wait.
Who won the X Games?

I don't know.
Who won the X Games?

I don't know why
this matters to me.

It's not like
I know this woman,

but for some reason,
she gets under my skin.

It sounds like
there's a lot to unpack here

with your husband's
partner's wife,

but, uh,
if we're going to talk,

it really needs
to be about Evan.

Okay.

How much is counseling for Evan
going to cost me?

I do have AAA,
if there's a discount.

There's no charge.
It's free.

Free?

Yes -- free.

It's a service provided by
Abraham Lincoln Middle School.

Talk to him.
It's free.

As helpful as you think
you're being, Mrs. Huang,

I'm going to have to ask you
to leave now.

Okay, I'll go.

I'm just gonna leave
my authentic Chanel purse

here for safekeeping.

Uh...

I'm going to need you to take
your tape recorder with you.

It's against the rules
and very loud.

Nice.

Oh, Evan, you are in good hands
with this man.

Goodbye.

Uh...uh...

you'll be needing
your microphone, too.

Oh!

Oh!
Doesn't miss a thing!

**

Is there
a child lock

or some sort of safety switch
we're not seeing?

You know what?

It's not us.

It's the pillow!

We need something
with more...structure.

Why don't they
make these with Velcro?

Maybe we need
to work together.

Come on, Mrs. Claus.

How do women do this
on themselves?

I don't know, but I got a new
mad respect for the ladies.

Well, I know
what I'll be talking about

with Mr. Tim this week.

And Evan's relating more
to his peers.

He's even
thinking of going

to see "The Wedding Singer"
with Monique,

which is big for him,
and it's all thanks to therapy.

Oh. So you're...
telling people about that now?

So brave.

Smart of you
to get out in front of that.

He's getting the tools
he needs to succeed,

and I support that.

You know who else
is in therapy?
No.

Oprah, Jane Fonda,
Lee Iacocca, James Brown.

Wait
But he seems so together.

Mm. He only says
he feels good.

Thank you
for almost dying

for the chili
that bears my name.

Sorry it was a bust.

I'll take a bowl of the
Louis Huang Five Alarm Chili.

Really?

It's supposed to be,
like, super spicy.

I mean, crazy spicy.

I mean, so many people I know
want to try it.

People are talking
about my chili!

Who's invisible now?

Apparently, some four-eyed
piece of cream cheese

tried it
and could not handle it.

They had to put him
in the hospital.

My chili's on the map!

I'm gonna get
my chow bell.

"Piece of cream cheese"?

-- Captions by VITA --